Parenthood
Mathilde Weber had never truly considered the concept of parenthood.
The less that was said about her parents, those imbeciles who gave away their daughter to be sacrificed out of superstition, the better. For all intents and purposes, she didn't have parents. One could argue, and perhaps a part of her does believe so, that Regimand was the closest she had to a parental figure. He certainly taught her the ways of the Wizard, which she had built her life around after she left her past behind. Yet, she had never truly considered whether what she had was what most people would consider "parenthood".
The most common ideal of such a relationship was one that was biologically determined. According to some of the books she had read, giving birth was supposed to impart some sort of connection between mother and child that transcended the physical plane, what they called "unconditional love". Mathilde was of the mind that it was all hogwash. Unconditional love didn't exist, it was all conditional, she knew that firsthand.
Of course, you didn't need to be biologically related to have these relationships, but usually, the process involved a parent raising a child. And that is where the second concept that Mathilde struggled with came into play.
Children. Kids. Mathilde was never good with those.
She found them profoundly annoying and a nuisance at the worst, and at the best she simply didn't know what to do with them. They were unstable balls of energy and Mathilde could never predict them. She never found them "adorable" or "cute" as some others tend to call them.
Perhaps this was because Mathilde preferred, and enjoyed, intellectual company, and kids were perhaps one of the furthest from that ideal. Or perhaps it was because she had been robbed of her own childhood and never came to terms with it, so she never understood what it was like to be one, and her envy became distaste. She didn't care enough for introspection on a topic that she didn't care much about either way. The end result was that she didn't really like children, and if she needed a dose of "cuteness" she had Wolf to keep her company.
It helped that she was in a relationship that didn't demand having children. She was a noble, but there was no pressure on her continuing the bloodline, and her paramour did not desire to continue her family's legacy enough to insist on having one. While Panoramia did not possess the necessary equipment to have a child with her in the typical way, there were more than enough alternatives if they really wanted to. But did they? All signs pointed towards a "probably not". Mathilde didn't really know what Panoramia's opinion on having children was, and they never broached the topic, but the two loved each other's company, scarce as it was to find an opportunity in these busy and turbulent times, and a child would only get in the way of that.
The question then becomes, why was she even thinking about all of this.
She found herself, as usual then, thinking about Eike.
Mathilde never really thought much of the kid when she first met her. That precocious and curious kid that possessed a wisdom beyond her years, and was placed with the burden of inheriting a legacy thrust onto her as a result of abandonment. She was firmly squared into the "not her problem" category, and that would usually be the end of that.
Everything changed when it turned out she had magical potential.
What a coincidence it was for a friend of hers to have a gifted child capable of magic and for Mathilde to be the one to find her. Some part of her was jealous of how fortunate Eike was, Mathilde certainly would have preferred a less traumatic way of being introduced to magic, but another part of her was relieved. Eike wouldn't have to live through what she did, and that was okay with her.
Mathilde could have left her at that. She discovered Eike's magical talent and she could have just passed her onto the Colleges and washed her hand of the matter. And yet. She did not.
Instead, she decided to keep visiting the kid, who grew to be a teen, in the dormitories of the Grey College. There was a bittersweet feeling to sharing a part of her life with a kid who she'd grown to be fond of, one who was eager to learn and become better. Perhaps there was a part of Mathilde that enjoyed imparting knowledge. Scratch that, she knew there was a part of her that loved it. That was the whole point of the Ducklings. Her nosiness knew no bounds and she kept getting into other people's business and trying her best to make their lives better. Mathilde didn't know exactly where that came from, it's not like the Grey College or Regimand insinuated that networking involved such a connection with her contacts. She just felt like it.
Their relationship grew from then on, and she decided to follow through. She would become Eike's master.
The reality of the matter, however, is that Mathilde never really considered how eager of a student Eike was.
Mathilde was unreasonably flattered when she found out how much Eike respected and admired her. It was humbling to be a positive figure to an impressionable teenager, and it was more so when she could see and help develop that teenager into what would undoubtedly be one of the Empire's foremost assets. There was no doubt in Mathilde's mind that Eike was exceptional. It wasn't simply talent or luck, although Mathilde couldn't help feeling a little jealous at how quickly Eike picked up new things or how lucky she was to get the Mark of Ulgu. That talent, that luck, was accompanied by a voracious hunger for knowledge and improvement that reminded Mathilde of herself.
Mathilde was well aware of how comically obsessed with books most people viewed her to be, and to be fair, they were right. But the reason behind it was a simple insatiable desire for knowledge. Mathilde resonated with Ulgu in a way that most Grey Wizards did not, and it manifested in a way that wouldn't be out of place on a Light Wizard, as much as she would hate to admit it.
That same desire for knowledge and drive for improvement was present in Eike, and Mathilde couldn't help but feel proud. It was then that Mathilde began questioning the concept of parenthood.
Mathilde had never desired to have a child, and she might never desire to have one. And yet, she couldn't help but feel a degree of what it must feel to be a parent to look at the way Eike was shaping to be. Mathilde wondered if Regimand had felt the same. He was never all that open with his emotions. She wondered if she could, or even if she would, ever get such an admission out of him. She also wondered if she could ever let Eike find out how proud she was.
Probably not. It would get to her head. She couldn't have that, it would make her a bigger target.
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