Turn Twenty-Eight
intermixed with grudging admittance
admittance -> admission (admittance only refers to permitting physical entrance)
As the last of the court files out of the Great Hall, their footsteps echoing through the vast empty space. High King Thorgrim Grudgebearer
space. -> space,
His eyes flick sideways, where a readout only he could see.
Either where -> to or see -> "see was".
As if summoned by his thoughts, an attendant hurried in, still young enough to be in a hurry to get everywhere. A Gunnisson, he recalled. His Ancestors were once Kings of Mount Silverspear, and now they are mere warriors in Karaz-a-Karak. "What is it, lad?" he asked.
The twine easily parted to a knife usually used to sharpen his quill, and he unfolded the paper to see a book - leatherbound, good and sturdy. Rakilid un Thaggorhun, he read. Some report on the Skaven?
He opened it, and turned a page. Then two. Then flipped through the pages, his eyebrows rising.
"Good news, your Highness?" the lad asked.
"You could say that," Thorgrim replied thoughtfully. "Get me... well, let's start with my Loremaster."
These two bits are in past tense where the rest of the Thorgrim interlude is in present tense. No opinion on which is better, but it started out present, so I flagged the past tense.
And keep me appraised of everything
appraised -> apprised
Turn Twenty-Eight Results Part Two
A week later the more portable portions of his workshop arrives and he established himself deep within the largely-unoccupied Kvinn-Wyr
arrives -> arrive
established -> establishes
Turn Twenty-Eight Social Part One
Since then you've visited
Since then you've -> Since then, you've
Time of the Ancestors Gods
Ancestors -> Ancestor
At last you're lead through
lead -> led
including fetching drinks and snacks for yourself
yourself -> you (unless the rhetorical point here is that Mathilde's narration is wry about courtiers being sent to provide stuff for *her*, in which case I would say something like "your own self" -- "yourself" is incorrect for reasons I can get into but which are boring)
The Chamberlain of the Seal
representing invidual cities
invidual -> individual
Turn Twenty-Eight Social Part Three
open taverns and small business of their own
business -> businesses
Turn Twenty-Nine
Though there's no immediate benefits to yourself
there's -> there are
yourself -> you
Turn Twenty-Nine Results
whether below it dwells Skaven or Chaos Dwarves or neither
dwells -> dwell
as it is currently said is to
said -> set
Turn Twenty-Nine Social Part Two
The Dwarves are far from empoverished
empoverished -> impoverished
Turn Thirty Results Part One
Johann, Adela, and yourself had been making your way through the Skaven books on engineering for background information on the lighting mechanism when the Wizard chosen to educate you in Gehenna's Golden Hounds had arrived
had arrived -> arrived (full sentence quoted for context of the "had been Xing... when... [verb]" construct)
whisp -> wisp (apparently whisp is an uncommon variant, but you consistently use wisp elsewhere in the quest)
Kislev apparently has a prophecy that a male Ice Witch will one day permanently taint Ice Magic, so any magically-sensitive Kislevites are forbidden from using magic
Not quite a typo, but the "so any" part of the sentence is weird, because it doesn't specify *male* magically-sensitive Kislevites, which it feels like it should (unless I am missing something, which is possible).
Turn Thirty Social Part Two
Your trek ends as the passage opens up into a huge cavern lit from sunlight streaming in from a huge opening on the side of the mountain, mostly closed over with ice that splits the sunlight streaming in into an even and otherworldly illumination.
Reuse of the phrase "sunlight streaming in" -- I would just delete the first one and make it "lit from a huge opening."
the Ice Dragon itself is laying atop it
laying -> lying
New tongues are only as useful as the answers it allows
Subject-verb agreement: "it allows" -> "they allow" or "New tongues are" -> "A new tongue is"