Espescially if we can help them out. There's a certain ex-Sector V member who's currently giving them trouble...
FATHER QUEST - A Cartoon Network: Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest Cross Over
- Thread starter HellaCooltricks
- Start date
- Location
- going at sufficient velocity
Could even extend a hand to our old pal Sticky Beard for help taking down Katz.
Tho not sure how effective Father will be in water or under it maybe focus more on his telekinesis?
- Location
- Deep in a bog
Not sure if this counts as off-topic or not but I felt the need to mention it. The reason I like this quest so much (and Cruel Network in general, at least in regard to the USA) is that it is basically cyberpunk (corporations control everything, a large number of robots are present and evil AI like XANA rule the web) crossed with the trope World Gone Mad. It's not a perfect description but when you mix all of the individual shows (which have a varying level of strangeness/weirdness present in most of them) into one setting, you get a really odd world. I like this because I feel that cyberpunk, and dystopian settings in general, rarely cross with the kind of zaniness/weirdness you can only find in a Saturday morning cartoon.
Yeah, that's a major contrast. Gridlocked is very Cyberpunk and weird as hell, but the magic, aliens, ETC have a Masquerade. There's still stuff like the literal living cartoons, but the REAL weirdness is hidden. Here? I mean, Jesus.
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- Location
- Deep in a bog
Gridlocked is Cyberpunk meets Urban Fantasy (the weirdness/magic is actively hidden by the Masquerade). It also didn't suffer through multiple alien invasions, at least not to the degree of Cruel Network. Though to be fair, Gridlocked is exclusively focused on the USA with a dash of other countries here and there. Cruel Network (and most other Villains Victorious settings) focus on the whole world.
And, yet, at least in the US, everything's still oddly mundane. Very much fitting given the source material includes stuff like Regular Source. 100 ties in Rock Paper Scissors summons an eldritch horror? Microwaving clocks sends you back in time? Prank callers are capable of using insults to transport people to the 1980s? Distressing, to be sure, but, once it's resolved, you just...Get back to work. It's like road construction: Annoying, but life goes on.
CN is half a dozen if different Genres and shoved together in a Blender that somehow makes one extremely coherent whole.
The Americas serve as a strange beacon of Stability while also being deeply weird still. Sure, Someone turned the lights off in Mexico, a Narcissistic Dictator is fighting basically everyone, and most of Canada is being invaded, but the Countries still exist and their economies have adapted. The power players are either hidden or don't care about ruling a country outside of one set on Alien Invaders and a Brain in a Jar. You cross the sea though and suddenly you know longer get the people unwilling to shake the boat. Sure, some like Wasabi, Kanishk and Endive don't want to shake the boat to much, but Chase Young, Mojo Jojo, XANA and Aku? They don't care, don't care at all.
Basically, depending where in CN you are you can play an Urban Fantasy, a Cyberpunk, or an old fashioned Fanatsy campaign.
- Location
- Deep in a bog
Yeah, that makes sense. For all the weirdness the Americas have to offer, most of the big players want to keep the place stable or the weirdness stays in one place. Elmore's madness is localized on itself (and maybe the rest of southern California depending on how the K/R/L document is updated). Nowhere is isolated from most of the US (in terms of information about it) but the same applies to the monsters that live there (or they just like it there). Regular Show's weirdness rarely disrupts the day-to-day life of those uninvolved in the incident of the day. Mandy wants order and dislikes nonsense. Chris, for all his ego and sadistic attitude, wants his show to continue and is one of, if not the only, Kings with no ties to the supernatural. Like you said, the Americas are surprisingly stable, all things considered. Though Mojo Jojo being shipped off to Africa certainly helps.
Another thing to note is America doesn't HAVE any maquerade, and thats a major reason its arguabley more stable then in Gridlocked.
Absurd shit is everywhere, but its also like, mundane. You get on the Subway for the first time and ignore a bit ot ettiquette causing the Conductor to reveal himself as a Fae who curses everyone there until defeated? Yeah, that sometimes happens in the Regular Zone. Also Accountants where sapient, parasitic ties sold by Adult Co, and a 10 Year Old Child is the CEO of the Largest Energy Corperation on the planet, and uses Hellpower. This is normal, now how many Gumdrops is my Sheep Powered Refractor worth.
Like, I said before that Gridlocked Kings being sent to Cruel Network would be able to adapt to not having a Masquerade far easier then CN Kings adapting to the less absurd setting of Gridlocked. Largely since even something as simple as the Boxmore Robots is such a massive change that completely redefines... well, everything.
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- Location
- Peterborough, NH, USA
Hm, I'm imagining a True Villains Victorious setting where each of VV worlds was in turn stuck in a blender now. Doof and Xanatos would probably function as Big Goods by necessity as much as genuinely having lighter morality than their compatriot Kings(helps that Xanatos and Doof have at least some ties to the government). Wordgirl would either be depowered or under Miss Power's thumb to one degree or another, but the former could be easily remedied with the Energy Monster and her birthday cake(or anyone else's really, Heck, Father might want to try mixing his family recipe with Energy Monster cake to see if that makes something super-strong, though the presence of various Cosmic beings like Anti-Pops and Aku would likely make it impossible to simply wish the timeline back to normal, so the most likely result is the government being appreciative of a high-level Hero(she flew from the Moon to the Sun in about 5 seconds, and while she's slower on Earth, circumnavigating the planet in 5 seconds is still pretty fast) and Father getting a powerup or major project done for himself, and perhaps the government employing Maria to boost cakes in return for energy to nom on, they might just barely be able to hold on despite the far more chaotic setting.
My favourite source material: regular source.
...Pardon?
Damn you, language!
- Location
- Peterborough, NH, USA
Combine Nopeflix(Netflix Villains Victorious), Gridlocked(Disney VV), Rock Bottom(Nickelodeon), Cruel Network(here), and PBS Kids VV(Wordgirl, Magic School Bus, Cyberchase, etc. Likely a source of major heroic resistance since many of those shows don't have proper bad guys, Superwhy for example) to make a Supreme Villain Victory setting.
Anti-Fairies and Pixies regularly terrorize Earth. Meanwhile Plankton's armies of brainwashed thralls, led by a familiar yellow sponge, invade any coastal, rainy, or riverside areas with near impunity while selling the greatest burger in the world on the side, with the Candy Pirates being a major market since grease is connected to fat, which is connected to sugar, though mostly for the lower rungs who might have issues finding enough candy to raid so they're willing to accept things only loosely connected to sugar. I'd expect Invader Zim being a staunch rival of the other conquerors, if only to keep them from destroying the Earth before he can conquer it. Wordgirl has presumably lost her powers due to a magic birthday cake(accidentally empowered by an Energy Monster) leading to her whole timeline to be rewritten without a hero to keep her villains in check since she is much like the Flash in that half the escapades of her villains are because she's going easy on them. Hacker has joined XANA and the other Internet threats. Inside Job's Cognito/Shadow Board has heavy infiltration of the government, and their goals are mysterious beyond returning the world to some semblance of order, but like Zim they are at least nominal allies for now. Paranormal Park would probably have a demon lord using it as a base of operations to expand from, though exact circumstances might vary.
So, it would be a case of 'various monstrosities smashing into each other is the main thing keeping the planet from exploding' and 'keeping various factions from cannibalizing each other to become new, stronger factions(Ie, Plankton and DORIS meeting and one or the other being subsumed) in general.
Half of those are...What...I'm so confused.
- Location
- Peterborough, NH, USA
Omake: Supreme Villains Victorious: Wordgirl's Wish
"Is it ready?" the little girl, Becky, watching Father bake one of his family's cakes as Hex and Skips oversaw the mystical side of things. The brown-haired, brown-skinned girl in a green turtleneck with a purple skirt and knee-high socks and black shoes had shown up on his doorstep alongside her pet monkey, Bob, in hopes of soliciting the help of a 'fellow hero' (ugh) for help.
Father had... conflicting emotions here. On the one hand, this kid was young even by KND standards, and she wanted to be a sooperhero. Well, she wanted to be one again. Hex had confirmed there was some powerful magic afoot, and he knew wishes could be pretty up there, so he was willing to accept a birthday cake, er, infused with energy from a literal Energy Monster(apparently named Maria) having some extreme power.
On the other hand, with the Bucketheads from the Pacific, the Gems to the north, Sartana to the south, and the Atlantic ocean under heavy contest between the Candy Pirates(and Father could admit to himself that the government didn't really think of them as more than allies of convenience) and at least 3 other factions, they could use the help. Not to mention the Reptilians under their feet and Atlantis stirring up trouble for pretty much everyone. Particularly when Black and White told him that the government was unusually fractured even by their standards, and Illuminati were even more nuts than usual. Several conspiracies they'd never even heard of had been churned up by all the recent trouble.
Skips had offered his expertise in birthdays and the occult significance they had in concert with Hex, and so here they were, trying to get a new Birthday Wish to undo the old.
"If there's one thing I know. It's that making these cakes needs to be done right." Father responded.
"There are many powerful forces at work in the world that seemed to have avoided interfering with your first wish. Despite the superior base of one of my employer's cakes, and my compatriot's expertise in this matter, it is likely that, despite your birthday being today, you will only be able to recover your powers." Hex explained.
"Timeline's a gordian knot pretending to be coherent." Skips supplied as he did... something with a store-bought cake. Frankly, Father wasn't completely sure he wanted to know, as long as this worked.
The monkey made a few chirps and Becky, nodded. "I have to at least try. I had no idea my wish could mess things up so badly."
They weren't sure her wish specifically had kicked things off, but Hex had admitted when she pressed for answers that completely rewriting the last 8+ years probably didn't help. Fair City was, so far as Father recalled, legendarily overrun with villains, to the point Father had at least tried to recruit there a couple times before King Chuck came to power. They'd worked out an understanding, but something about the sandwich-obsessed man ticked Father off. Hank had gently suggested that Chuck's inability to earn his mother's respect, somewhat poor relationship with his brother, and technological resourcefulness struck a little too close to home, and Father couldn't honestly deny that the similarities were kind of striking, but why did that make him angry? Shouldn't he feel some kinship with a villain who had all that and still clawed his way up to ruling a city? Still, here he was, baking a cake to restore the sooperhero who was supposedly Chuck's most major thorn, and who had prevented him from ever becoming more than a minor threat in the previous timeline. He'd need to think about this.
"Just remember, Chuck's got a vice grip on Fair City, but we all have bigger fish to fry. Sometimes literally." Father noted as he pulled the cake out of the oven with one of those classic pizza oven wooden shovel things. Skips pulled one of the candles off the now thoroughly decimated store-bought cake, whatever ritual he'd been doing completed, and Hex cast some sort of spell on it as the yeti passed it to him. Only then was a candle placed on top of the cake they intended to use, which Father lit. The cake briefly glowed a dull orange like the dying embers of flame.
Becky quickly muttered "I wish Wordgirl existed again!" and blew out the candle. For a moment nothing seemed to have changed, but the kid hopped off the ground, and didn't fall back down. Meanwhile, in space, the planet Lexicon blipped back into existence, and the politics and battles in space became just that little bit more complicated, but leaned slightly more to the side of good. Similarly, a crashed alien spaceship appeared in Fair City, though no one had noticed yet.
"It worked!" Becky flitted around the room, moving as little more than a golden blur, which was odd because there wasn't anything gold on her, but it was probably an alien thing. Sure enough, Bob had also regained his flight capabilities.
"I don't know how to thank you!" the newly-repowered superhero cheered.
"I can think of a few things. How are you at fighting undead?" Father asked. At least she wasn't hugging him. He didn't need that right now.
"It seems the Patriarch has succeeded in restoring Wordgirl's powers. Just in time for her to get home before her parents start to worry!" the Narrator exclaimed.
Becky paled. "Oh right! I'll be back tomorrow, I promise!" she grabbed Bob and fled, her superspeed sufficient that the various defenses didn't even have time to react, though Toiletnator was more not paying attention than anything else.
"Another good deed. Hooray." Father muttered. "I'm gonna go see what XXXL is doing. Maybe he finished replicating Cookie Cats so he can finally branch out to ice cream sandwiches." he stalked off.
AN: Might have a series of these. Basically a mishmash of various Villains Victorious sets. If you thought the world was weird in the normal setting... oh boy. Bright side, Ronaldo will be able to say he was right about almost everything not Gem-related. He might well end up as a top government informant.
Becky is basically Young Superman. She's vulnerable to magic and Lexonite(red mineral from Lexicon, shuts down her powers) but is basically unstoppable otherwise. She explicitly holds back against them, as it's treated more like a game. Playerbase-wise, having someone to handle another cardinal front so they could use a Martial Action on something besides almost singlehandedly holding America together(From their perspective. Doof and Xanatos are doing a lot of less obvious work, the former in civilian stuff and the latter in the occult and intrigue fields.) as it's assailed on all sides and dealing with internal conflicts(like keeping Bill contained despite the Illuminati working to free him) was a major factor. Father himself was motivated in part by the government saying they'd appreciate him raising up a new Hero to help out, when Father asked Black and White some leading questions.
Basically, The Swim now has a Hero Unit with a weakness to magic and a specific rare mineral, but who can circle the planet in about 5 seconds, though she's clearly speeding up as she goes, until she circles the planet in about 1 second, or about 13% of lightspeed(she'd thrash XLR8 in a footrace). She can go faster in space, but she seems to avoid it because going as fast as she was was already causing negative effects like making the Eiffel Tower sway. Much less than she ought to be causing, but still dangerous to go any higher.
"Is it ready?" the little girl, Becky, watching Father bake one of his family's cakes as Hex and Skips oversaw the mystical side of things. The brown-haired, brown-skinned girl in a green turtleneck with a purple skirt and knee-high socks and black shoes had shown up on his doorstep alongside her pet monkey, Bob, in hopes of soliciting the help of a 'fellow hero' (ugh) for help.
Father had... conflicting emotions here. On the one hand, this kid was young even by KND standards, and she wanted to be a sooperhero. Well, she wanted to be one again. Hex had confirmed there was some powerful magic afoot, and he knew wishes could be pretty up there, so he was willing to accept a birthday cake, er, infused with energy from a literal Energy Monster(apparently named Maria) having some extreme power.
On the other hand, with the Bucketheads from the Pacific, the Gems to the north, Sartana to the south, and the Atlantic ocean under heavy contest between the Candy Pirates(and Father could admit to himself that the government didn't really think of them as more than allies of convenience) and at least 3 other factions, they could use the help. Not to mention the Reptilians under their feet and Atlantis stirring up trouble for pretty much everyone. Particularly when Black and White told him that the government was unusually fractured even by their standards, and Illuminati were even more nuts than usual. Several conspiracies they'd never even heard of had been churned up by all the recent trouble.
Skips had offered his expertise in birthdays and the occult significance they had in concert with Hex, and so here they were, trying to get a new Birthday Wish to undo the old.
"If there's one thing I know. It's that making these cakes needs to be done right." Father responded.
"There are many powerful forces at work in the world that seemed to have avoided interfering with your first wish. Despite the superior base of one of my employer's cakes, and my compatriot's expertise in this matter, it is likely that, despite your birthday being today, you will only be able to recover your powers." Hex explained.
"Timeline's a gordian knot pretending to be coherent." Skips supplied as he did... something with a store-bought cake. Frankly, Father wasn't completely sure he wanted to know, as long as this worked.
The monkey made a few chirps and Becky, nodded. "I have to at least try. I had no idea my wish could mess things up so badly."
They weren't sure her wish specifically had kicked things off, but Hex had admitted when she pressed for answers that completely rewriting the last 8+ years probably didn't help. Fair City was, so far as Father recalled, legendarily overrun with villains, to the point Father had at least tried to recruit there a couple times before King Chuck came to power. They'd worked out an understanding, but something about the sandwich-obsessed man ticked Father off. Hank had gently suggested that Chuck's inability to earn his mother's respect, somewhat poor relationship with his brother, and technological resourcefulness struck a little too close to home, and Father couldn't honestly deny that the similarities were kind of striking, but why did that make him angry? Shouldn't he feel some kinship with a villain who had all that and still clawed his way up to ruling a city? Still, here he was, baking a cake to restore the sooperhero who was supposedly Chuck's most major thorn, and who had prevented him from ever becoming more than a minor threat in the previous timeline. He'd need to think about this.
"Just remember, Chuck's got a vice grip on Fair City, but we all have bigger fish to fry. Sometimes literally." Father noted as he pulled the cake out of the oven with one of those classic pizza oven wooden shovel things. Skips pulled one of the candles off the now thoroughly decimated store-bought cake, whatever ritual he'd been doing completed, and Hex cast some sort of spell on it as the yeti passed it to him. Only then was a candle placed on top of the cake they intended to use, which Father lit. The cake briefly glowed a dull orange like the dying embers of flame.
Becky quickly muttered "I wish Wordgirl existed again!" and blew out the candle. For a moment nothing seemed to have changed, but the kid hopped off the ground, and didn't fall back down. Meanwhile, in space, the planet Lexicon blipped back into existence, and the politics and battles in space became just that little bit more complicated, but leaned slightly more to the side of good. Similarly, a crashed alien spaceship appeared in Fair City, though no one had noticed yet.
"It worked!" Becky flitted around the room, moving as little more than a golden blur, which was odd because there wasn't anything gold on her, but it was probably an alien thing. Sure enough, Bob had also regained his flight capabilities.
"I don't know how to thank you!" the newly-repowered superhero cheered.
"I can think of a few things. How are you at fighting undead?" Father asked. At least she wasn't hugging him. He didn't need that right now.
"It seems the Patriarch has succeeded in restoring Wordgirl's powers. Just in time for her to get home before her parents start to worry!" the Narrator exclaimed.
Becky paled. "Oh right! I'll be back tomorrow, I promise!" she grabbed Bob and fled, her superspeed sufficient that the various defenses didn't even have time to react, though Toiletnator was more not paying attention than anything else.
"Another good deed. Hooray." Father muttered. "I'm gonna go see what XXXL is doing. Maybe he finished replicating Cookie Cats so he can finally branch out to ice cream sandwiches." he stalked off.
AN: Might have a series of these. Basically a mishmash of various Villains Victorious sets. If you thought the world was weird in the normal setting... oh boy. Bright side, Ronaldo will be able to say he was right about almost everything not Gem-related. He might well end up as a top government informant.
Becky is basically Young Superman. She's vulnerable to magic and Lexonite(red mineral from Lexicon, shuts down her powers) but is basically unstoppable otherwise. She explicitly holds back against them, as it's treated more like a game. Playerbase-wise, having someone to handle another cardinal front so they could use a Martial Action on something besides almost singlehandedly holding America together(From their perspective. Doof and Xanatos are doing a lot of less obvious work, the former in civilian stuff and the latter in the occult and intrigue fields.) as it's assailed on all sides and dealing with internal conflicts(like keeping Bill contained despite the Illuminati working to free him) was a major factor. Father himself was motivated in part by the government saying they'd appreciate him raising up a new Hero to help out, when Father asked Black and White some leading questions.
Basically, The Swim now has a Hero Unit with a weakness to magic and a specific rare mineral, but who can circle the planet in about 5 seconds, though she's clearly speeding up as she goes, until she circles the planet in about 1 second, or about 13% of lightspeed(she'd thrash XLR8 in a footrace). She can go faster in space, but she seems to avoid it because going as fast as she was was already causing negative effects like making the Eiffel Tower sway. Much less than she ought to be causing, but still dangerous to go any higher.
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...ok I never heard of these 2, but im also not in the auxillery discord. These real or you made em up?
Also you forgot Saturday Morning.
You've never heard of them because they don't exist.
As someone who was involved in the early days of DVV, trust me: Wouldn't be the FIRST time...God, I had bad ideas back in the day...
- Location
- Peterborough, NH, USA
Made up. If they weren't the second one would have an actual name.
Interlude: Red, Wiped and Blue
A lot of people mocked the Toiletnator. Maybe he wasn't the brightest fluorescent strip in the bathroom, but he knew that at least. On a certain level he got it. Hey, not all Soopervillains could be as mega cool as Father. Or Mr. Boss. Or even Potty Mouth… if the Villain's Choice Awards were anything to go by. But he had something none of his detractors had: a mission.
Ever since that fateful trip to the john transformed him from mild mannered executive into the legionary of the loo, he had striven to defend that most sacred and private of affairs from inconsiderate kids. Okay, mostly kids. A disconcerting number of adults also forgot to flush.
Maybe it wasn't the most ambitious of crusades, but it was his.
So when the time finally came when people actually needed his help he was determined not to screw it up.
He stocked his utility belt with soap, air freshener, and toilet cake rations. Checked his toilet brush---extra springy. Tried his plunger against the floor and came up with a chunk of concrete still stuck to it.
Toiletnator considered a roll of 4 ply from his wall of tools. He chucked it over his shoulder. His day to day arsenal wasn't up for a job this serious. He considered the 6 ply. Heavy duty stuff. But no. He needed to go even higher.
He turned to a glass case set aside from the rest of his gear. A plumber's wrench dangled from the wall beside it by a chain. A plaque was affixed to its base.
"In case of Potty Emergency, break glass."
Toiletnator took the wrench and did as the sign suggested.
The single solitary roll of TP he retrieved from the case shone so porcelain white the Toiletnator had to shield his eyes. The 12 Ply. Folded to perfection like Nippon steel. Maybe the only roll in existence. He'd sewn himself an indestructible costume out of it when he'd received his first visitation from The Almighty Protector of Potty. The rest he'd kept. Just in case.
Actually, he'd kinda smashed the case, so now it was only 'Just.'
The Toiletnator marched solemnly to his own porcelain throne, flipped the lid, held his nose, and flushed himself away. He shot down through the sewers to AdultCo's evil business offices, and his destiny. It was go time.
---
HIDDEN TRAIT REVEALED!
- Porcelain Paladin: The Toiletnator has sworn a solemn oath to uphold the dignity and privacy of all people in the most, ahem, "vulnerable" moments of their lives. When acting in direct defense of bathrooms, the Almighty Protector of Potty's patron boon increases all of Toiletnator's base stats by 15 points.
---
He could tell something was wrong right away. Toiletnator had aimed for the men's toilets--the heart of the problem--but as he hit the plumbing intersection, a wave of foulness drove him back. His Toilet Senses were tingling! The evil that had taken residence in there had cast a cloggy ward upon the pipes!
Toiletnator Occult Check: Fight through the Cursed Clog! (97+/4-)
[70] + 21 + 5 = 96
Aka Manto Opposed (96+/5-)
[72] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 101
Toiletnator Bare Failure!
The Toiletnator pushed as hard as he could against the unyielding clog, but it was like trying to force his way through brambles while swimming upstream against a really, really gross current. The pipe to the men's room spat him back, clumps of whatever the clog was made of sticking to him and stinging at his skin.
He rerouted through the women's toilets and quickly hurried out of there as quickly as he could while shielding his eyes with one hand.
"OOF!"
Somebody pushed through the bathroom door, bumping Toiletnator hard. Her foot got tangled in Toiletnator's paper cape, and they fell together in a heap.
"Ugh.." A dark haired woman with a serious expression wearing a dark green business suit sat up. "I swear, if I catch ONE more of you superstitious numbskull MEN trying to sneak in here, I'm going to---"
The rest of her threat trailed off as she suddenly squinted at the Toiletnator. A flicker of recognition maybe?
"Lou? Lou Pottingsworth?"
Toiletnator Intrigue Check: Who is this? (93+/1-)
[61] + 21 + 5 = 87
Success
"Genki?"
She frowned. Well. Frowned more.
"It's Madame Head of Accounting Sanban now." She sized Toiletnator up. "Lou, what are you wearing?" Genki reached out and snatched a piece of clog detritus clinging to his costume. She straightened it out as best she could. "Is this… our quarterly expense report?"
"What!?" An alarm flashed in Toiletnator's brain. "Lemme see that!!"
He grabbed the soggy slip of paper. It was soaked through and nearly fell apart in his hands, but the sharp edges and bleeding ink were unmistakable. Printer paper.
There were only three things you were ever supposed to flush down a toilet: number 1, number 2, toilet paper, and dead goldfish.
There were only four things you were ever supposed to flush down a toilet.
Literally scaring the crap out of people was one thing. But those poor, innocent toilets might never flush again. Whoever this spirit of the bathroom was, they had committed a cardinal toilet sin. And they wouldn't get away with it on his watch.
He crumpled it up into a ball and stuffed it back into Genki's hands.
She looked down at the dripping ball and made a face. "Oh. Okay. You're giving it back. Lou, mind telling me what on Earth I'm supposed to take away from this?"
"It's not Lou anymore." Toiletnator strode purposefully past her into the hall. He kicked open the door to the men's toilets. He looked back over his shoulder. "I'm the Toiletnator. And I've got a toilet clogging ghost to bust!"
Inside the men's bathroom, it was pitch dark. Toiletnator tried waving his arms around in case they used those stupid motion activated lights. Nothing.
He took his first tentative steps into the room. The linoleum floor was submerged under a couple centimetres of shallow water. Here and there, the slosh of his boots became a squelch as he trod on a wet clump of toilet paper. As Toiletnator's eyes adjusted to the darkness he could see that it was strewn everywhere; in the sinks, draped over stall walls, even pasted across the ceiling in enough sagging layers he couldn't see the lines between the tiles.
EeeeEERRRK!
Toiletnator jumped a little at the keening squeal. It came from somewhere in the row of stalls. Was it just a squeaky pipe?
A tremendous GLUNK answered that.
"Show yourself, spirit!" Toiletnator spluttered. "Your reign of toilet terror ends here!"
He put on a brave face as he approached the first stall. The coppery stench of evil was almost overpowering. To clear the air, Toiletnator swung his holy censer ahead of him--a frankincense and sage scented soap on a rope. In his other hand, he readied a can of air freshener.
"AHAH!"
The Toiletnator kicked open the stall. He let rip with a blast of citrus cleanliness all over… nobody.
The stall was empty. Save for a toilet.
He tried the next one. And the next. All empty.
Finally, he arrived at the last stall on the row. The Toiletnator listened intently. He could hear a wheezing gurgle on the other side. He gulped. It suddenly occurred to him that he might come face to face with a real, actual, scare-your-pants-off ghost. But he had a job to do. Toiletnator swallowed his pride and pushed open the door.
He gasped.
"Sputtering septic tanks!"
The toilet was so badly clogged the seat couldn't close all the way. Hairline cracks across the bowl sprayed water in all directions like a sprinkler. A veritable waterfall drooled from its basin; the source of the flooding.
Toiletnator rushed to its aid. He flipped up the seat. The bowl was jammed with a mountain of miscellaneous paperwork. Everything from tax forms to warehouse inventories.
"What've they done to you?!" He cradled the poor thing in his arms.
Water slopped out of the side of the bowl like a wet cough.
"Oh!"
The Toiletnator pressed an ear to the tank. It gave a sickly burble. "Uhuh," he nodded, "Yeah." He covered his mouth with his hand, aghast. "They gave you an upper decker with WHAT?!"
He reached to remove the lid on the toilet's tank.
The abused toilet gave out a straining gurgle of warning. Toiletnator cocked his head. "Huh?"
Toiletnator Intrigue Check: My Toilet Senses are tingling! (97+/4-)
[100] + [32] + 21 + 5 + 2 (Timely Warning) = 160
Aka Manto Opposed (+96/-5)
[88] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 117
Toiletnator Critical Success!
"He's on the ceiling?"
The Toiletnator turned just in time. What he'd initially mistaken for a sagging section of waterlogged ceiling bulged and split. A flapping, dark red thing with a painted face burst out with a keening laugh..
"Hey mister, d'you want Red Toilet Paper or Blue T--"
Toiletnator Counter-Attack! (96+/3-)
[37] + 29 + 7 = 73
Aka Manto Opposed (97+/6-)
[44] + 19 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 - 5 (Interrupted) = 66
Toiletnator Success!
"EAT LEMONY FRESHNESS, JERK!"
The Toiletnator emptied his entire can of air freshener directly into the swooping spectre's face.
"Ow! Hey! Waitaminute!"
The spirit's mask protected it but still plenty of the stinging chemical found its way through the eye holes. He stumbled blindly, pawing at his face with the sleeves of his oversized red cloak.
"No fair! Dirty trick! Dirty trick!"
Now! While it was distracted. Toiletnator dropped the spent air freshener and held out a pair of cardboard toilet paper tubes in the sign of the cross.
"In the name of the faucet, the sink, and the Potty Protector I cast you out!" He chanted.
Toiletnator Occult Check: Exorcise the Spirit (98+/5-)
[17] + 21 + 5 - 10 (Right Attitude, Wrong Method) = 33
Aka Manto Opposed (95+/4-)
[61] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = (90)
Toiletnator Failure!
"In the name of the faucet, the sink, and the Potty Protector I cast you out!" Toiletnator repeated. He waggled the cardboard cross for effect.
Aka Manto watched stonefaced behind its mask. It tilted its head, shooting him an encouraging thumbs up to keep going.
"In the name of the--- Aw, forget it!" The Toiletnator drooped. "You don't even feel like being cast out a little bit?" He asked.
"Maybe a little more now that you've asked me nicely." Aka Manto said. "You gonna pick a colour of TP?"
Toiletnator rolled his eyes. "Puh-lease! I'd have to be pretty dumb to fall for that one!"
"Then no."
Aka Manto spread his crimson cloak. Toiletnator saw that the inner fabric of it was a shade of raised-vein blue. TP tendrils snaked out of the dark blue void.
Aka Manto Attack (97+/6-)
[94] + 19 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 121
Toiletnator Opposed (96+/3-)
[75] + 29 + 7 = 110
Aka Manto Success!
The tendrils lashed around Toiletnator's arms and legs, pulling them apart some medieval torture device. He strained against his bindings until his arms nearly popped out of their sockets, but to no avail.
"Well!" Aka Manto crowed. "Now that you won't be going anywhere anytime soon, I guess this is the part where I would gloat about my evil scheme. If I had one."
"I'll never let you get away with what you did to that innocent toilet!" Toiletator cried. "Those pipes were never built to handle business documents. It might never flush again!"
"Hey, don't blame me! They only got backed up when my minions stopped collecting 'em on the other side."
"Ghosts have minions?!"
"You still think I'm a ghost?!"
The Toiletnator gave up trying to wriggle out of Aka Manto's tendrils. Instead, while the fiend was distracted, he tried a different approach…
Toiletnator Occult Check: Turn The Tables (97+/4-)
[43] + 21 + 5 = 69
Aka Manto Opposed (96+/5-)
[6] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 35
Toiletnator Success!
"--I'm mean, sure, I borrowed the name and stuff, but it should've been pretty obvious when you sprayed lemon juice in my eyes."
As he talked, the Toiletnator snaked his own ribbons of toilet paper down his wrists and up along Aka Manto's tendrils like creeping vines.
"But that's enough out of me! I'm gonna rip you limb from limb now mister. No hard feelings?"
"Nope. Just hard LANDINGS!"
The Toiletnator's mighty 12 Ply easily overpowered his opponent's flimsier 4 ply tendrils, He broke the hold on his legs and then swung Aka Manto about in a circle, dragging him through the entire row of sinks in a shower of water and broken ceramic. Then he let go. The momentum of the swing propelled the diminutive fiend into the wall hard enough to leave a child-sized crater in the tile.
"Ha! You thought you were the only one who could control toilet paper?" Toilernator boasted.
Aka Manto raised himself chuckling to his feet. "Oh, but I don't just control toilet paper…"
A dozen paper thin tendrils peeled off the surface of his cloak, each glistening and red like a used bandage. He raised his arms, and a dozen more blue ones slithered out from underneath.
"I make my own."
His tendrils surged for Toiletnator in a blur of blue and red!
Aka Manto Attack! (+95/-4)
[52] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) +12 (Red/Blue) + 2 = 93
Toiletnator Opposed (98+/5-)
[72] + 29 + 7 = 108
Toiletnator Success!
"Yipe!"
The Toiletnator hopped about, narrowly evading the barrage of striking tendrils. Every blow he dodged shattered a fist-sized holes in the walls and floor. They criss-crossed around him in dizzying patterns of red over blue that didn't let him rest for a second.
"Honestly, I'm happy someone finally came along!" Aka Manto laughed. "After the pipes clogged, I was stranded here with nothing better to do than scare dumb adults! This is the most fun I've had in days!"
A blue streak passed perilously close to Toiletnator's face and splattered the wall mounted soap dispenser into bubbly pink goop.
His back bumped the air dryer. No more room to dodge. Aka Manto's paper arms closed in on all sides. Heart racing, the Toiletnator grabbed his trusty plunger and thrust the only place he could; six feet straight upwards. The plunger stuck fast to the ceiling, and he watched as the tendrils wrapped around the metal dryer in his place and crushed it like an aluminium can.
That'd been way too close for comfort. The Toiletnator was not prepared for this. He had to get out of there. And fast!
He dropped from the ceiling and dove into the nearest stall. He could flush himself back to his Toilet Cave. Gear up, come back again another day. Yeah right! Who was he kidding?! He wasn't cut out for this!
He hopped into the toilet bowl. Reached for the handle. And It hit him.
Uh oh.
The pipes were packed with company secrets. And he was standing in the stall with the worst clog of all.
Tap tap taptap tap.
Came a polite knock from the other side of the stall.
"Ummm… Occupied?" Toiletnator gulped.
Aka Manto tore the entire stall up from the floor, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it aside.
"Sorry. I can't hold it."
The creepy mask leered down at him. Tendrils shivered in anticipation, ready to flatten the Toiletnator into a paste.
Behind him, the broken toilet gurgled.
The Toiletnator's eyes widened. "You're sure?"
The toilet gurgled affirmatively.
"Having a conversation there?" Aka Manto asked. "I didn't mean to scare you so much you lost your mind."
"No!! Just enough that I remembered I've got one more trick."
Toiletnator Attack (95+/2-)
[68] + 29 + 10 (Noble Sacrifice) + 7 = 114
Aka Manto Opposed (98+/7-)
[60] + 19 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 87
Toiletnator Success!
The Toiletnator concentrated. He reached out with his mighty Toilet Senses, deep into the building's plumbing. Felt the pressure build inside himself…
"Evildoer; prepare to be flushed!"
…and he let it all release.
The toilet erupted into a mighty geyser. Poseidon's Kiss slammed Aka Manto with a full sixty kathousand pounds per square inch of glorious water pressure. He soared up through three storeys' worth of ceilings plus the roof of the building, and then hurtled skyward out of sight.
Soggy spreadsheet printouts rained like confetti. No more clog down there!
The violent eruption was all too much for the poor broken toilet. It held just long enough to channel the flow before shattering under the strain---taking a good sized chunk of the floor along with it.
The Toiletnator clenched his fist to his chest. "Your sacrifice won't be in vain my friend."
Aka Manto finally plopped back to the ground, his cloak soaked and ragged.
"Urgh…" He groaned. "Now I gotta explain to the boss that I lost to the Toiletnator."
"Boss? You mean there's more of you toilet tormenting fiends?!"
"Sure, mister. Lots more." Aka Manto laughed. "And now you've gone and cleared the pipes, I think I'll make that rendezvous with them after all."
The Toiletnator realised his mistake at once.
Aka Manto shot him a jaunty mocking salute and then vanished through the now exposed pipes.
"AWWW nuts!" Toiletnator wailed. "Can't anything just go right for me?"
He dove down after him.
Thanks to a little thing called gravity, going down the pipes was WAY faster than the other way around. They streaked towards ground level like twin torpedoes. Aka Manto was fast, but with that big flapping cloak dragging through the water, Toiletnator was quickly gaining on him.
He tackled Aka Manto from behind. The force of their clash ruptured the walls of the pipe. They burst out onto the street through a section of piping exposed to roadwork. Toiletnator was just getting ready to throttle Aka Manto by his scrawny neck before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around.
A young woman wearing a very dated ascot and a freshly printed AdultCo lanyard gave him an apologetic smile.
"Hi, sorry! I'm supposed to be at an orientation meeting with Mr. Hill in the Big Boring Business Building, but I've been having a hard time finding my way around. Could you point me in the right direction?"
"Oh, uh. It's just down the block." Toiletnator said. "Right across the street from Cuppa Joe's. Can't miss it."
"Tenth floor." Aka Manto added. "Good luck on your first day!"
She thanked them and left.
"She seemed nice." Toiletnator said.
"Mhm." Aka Manto agreed. "Wanna keep beating each other up now?"
Their dust cloud tussle of flailing limbs and toilet paper carried them the rest of the way down the street, over the edge of The Swim. They bumped down the steep incline until Toiletnator's cape snagged on a jutting section of pipe. Faster than he could disentangle himself, Aka Manto swung himself up and over the lip of the pipe.
"Looks like I'm home free. And after all that too. Tsk tsk."
He turned and retreated slowly into the dim of the sewers.
"NO!" Toiletnator scrabbled up after him. His hand caught Aka Manto's red cloak. "I'm not fumbling the bag again this time! No way José! I'm gonna bring you to toilet justice even if it kills me!"
Aka Manto reached deep into the folds of his cloak. "Suit yourself."
He drew out a long handled ornate staff tipped with a three fingered claw the likes of which Toiletnator had never seen on any animal. The claw glowed a virulent hypnotic green.
Aka Manto Occult Check: Invite Friends (94+/3-)
[96] + 21 +15 (The Claw) + 2 = 134
Critical Success!
Hungry eyes lit up in the dark behind the red cloaked fiend.
An emaciated scaly maw snapped out at Toiletnator, nearly taking off his hand. He yelped and dropped the cloak. More eyes and teeth flashed out at him. Slithering creatures fought to wriggle over one another for the chance to gnash at his body. The largest fought its way to the head of the pack, and as it crawled into the sunlight streaming in through the mouth of the pipe, Toiletnator recognised its shape.
"A sewer gator?! Buh-buh-but that's just a myth!"
The claw glowed again. The beast retreated. Its eyes became pinpricks of reflected light in the darkness. The face of Aka Manto's own leering mask joined it.
"More like an urban legend."
And then they were gone.
The Toiletnator hesitated. The right thing to do would be to go after him. Who knew what other toilet related misdeeds the little creep might be planning?
On the other hand… sewer gators! No way could he beat one of those things with a can of air freshener.
Father would know what to do. He'd go tell him straight away!
??? Martial Check (94+/3-)
[37] + 35 + 5 (Killinger's Training) = 77
Toiletnator Opposed (99+/6-)
[45] + 14 + 4 = 63
He didn't get the chance.
A black and purple coil wrapped around his body and looped into a perfect double fisherman's knot. For a second he panicked that Aka Manto had returned for him. Then he saw there was a man attached to it.
"Hello there!" Said Professor Impossible. "I was just in the neighbourhood, and it seemed like you were finished with that other fellow. I figured… what the heck! I'll take you hostage! Hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Um." Toiletnator blinked. "Nope, I'm pretty much wrapped up."
"Good!"
Professor Impossible looked down at his coiled torso.
"Oh! Ha ha! Wrapped up! Now isn't that something?"
He reeled his elongated body back up into a hovercraft idling over The Swim, depositing Toiletnator into a sidecar.
"Buckle up! I'll have you back at my lair and strapped into a fiendish deathtrap in a jiffy!'
"Wait!" Toiletnator cried over the roar of the Impossicar's turbines. "Hold on! I really have to talk to Father first!"
"Ha!" Professor Impossible smiled and nodded along. "Yes, I'm sure I agree with whatever it is you're saying."
"I really must invest in quieter engines." He muttered to himself.
Ever since that fateful trip to the john transformed him from mild mannered executive into the legionary of the loo, he had striven to defend that most sacred and private of affairs from inconsiderate kids. Okay, mostly kids. A disconcerting number of adults also forgot to flush.
Maybe it wasn't the most ambitious of crusades, but it was his.
So when the time finally came when people actually needed his help he was determined not to screw it up.
He stocked his utility belt with soap, air freshener, and toilet cake rations. Checked his toilet brush---extra springy. Tried his plunger against the floor and came up with a chunk of concrete still stuck to it.
Toiletnator considered a roll of 4 ply from his wall of tools. He chucked it over his shoulder. His day to day arsenal wasn't up for a job this serious. He considered the 6 ply. Heavy duty stuff. But no. He needed to go even higher.
He turned to a glass case set aside from the rest of his gear. A plumber's wrench dangled from the wall beside it by a chain. A plaque was affixed to its base.
"In case of Potty Emergency, break glass."
Toiletnator took the wrench and did as the sign suggested.
The single solitary roll of TP he retrieved from the case shone so porcelain white the Toiletnator had to shield his eyes. The 12 Ply. Folded to perfection like Nippon steel. Maybe the only roll in existence. He'd sewn himself an indestructible costume out of it when he'd received his first visitation from The Almighty Protector of Potty. The rest he'd kept. Just in case.
Actually, he'd kinda smashed the case, so now it was only 'Just.'
The Toiletnator marched solemnly to his own porcelain throne, flipped the lid, held his nose, and flushed himself away. He shot down through the sewers to AdultCo's evil business offices, and his destiny. It was go time.
---
HIDDEN TRAIT REVEALED!
- Porcelain Paladin: The Toiletnator has sworn a solemn oath to uphold the dignity and privacy of all people in the most, ahem, "vulnerable" moments of their lives. When acting in direct defense of bathrooms, the Almighty Protector of Potty's patron boon increases all of Toiletnator's base stats by 15 points.
---
He could tell something was wrong right away. Toiletnator had aimed for the men's toilets--the heart of the problem--but as he hit the plumbing intersection, a wave of foulness drove him back. His Toilet Senses were tingling! The evil that had taken residence in there had cast a cloggy ward upon the pipes!
Toiletnator Occult Check: Fight through the Cursed Clog! (97+/4-)
[70] + 21 + 5 = 96
Aka Manto Opposed (96+/5-)
[72] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 101
Toiletnator Bare Failure!
The Toiletnator pushed as hard as he could against the unyielding clog, but it was like trying to force his way through brambles while swimming upstream against a really, really gross current. The pipe to the men's room spat him back, clumps of whatever the clog was made of sticking to him and stinging at his skin.
He rerouted through the women's toilets and quickly hurried out of there as quickly as he could while shielding his eyes with one hand.
"OOF!"
Somebody pushed through the bathroom door, bumping Toiletnator hard. Her foot got tangled in Toiletnator's paper cape, and they fell together in a heap.
"Ugh.." A dark haired woman with a serious expression wearing a dark green business suit sat up. "I swear, if I catch ONE more of you superstitious numbskull MEN trying to sneak in here, I'm going to---"
The rest of her threat trailed off as she suddenly squinted at the Toiletnator. A flicker of recognition maybe?
"Lou? Lou Pottingsworth?"
Toiletnator Intrigue Check: Who is this? (93+/1-)
[61] + 21 + 5 = 87
Success
"Genki?"
She frowned. Well. Frowned more.
"It's Madame Head of Accounting Sanban now." She sized Toiletnator up. "Lou, what are you wearing?" Genki reached out and snatched a piece of clog detritus clinging to his costume. She straightened it out as best she could. "Is this… our quarterly expense report?"
"What!?" An alarm flashed in Toiletnator's brain. "Lemme see that!!"
He grabbed the soggy slip of paper. It was soaked through and nearly fell apart in his hands, but the sharp edges and bleeding ink were unmistakable. Printer paper.
There were only three things you were ever supposed to flush down a toilet: number 1, number 2, toilet paper, and dead goldfish.
There were only four things you were ever supposed to flush down a toilet.
Literally scaring the crap out of people was one thing. But those poor, innocent toilets might never flush again. Whoever this spirit of the bathroom was, they had committed a cardinal toilet sin. And they wouldn't get away with it on his watch.
He crumpled it up into a ball and stuffed it back into Genki's hands.
She looked down at the dripping ball and made a face. "Oh. Okay. You're giving it back. Lou, mind telling me what on Earth I'm supposed to take away from this?"
"It's not Lou anymore." Toiletnator strode purposefully past her into the hall. He kicked open the door to the men's toilets. He looked back over his shoulder. "I'm the Toiletnator. And I've got a toilet clogging ghost to bust!"
Inside the men's bathroom, it was pitch dark. Toiletnator tried waving his arms around in case they used those stupid motion activated lights. Nothing.
He took his first tentative steps into the room. The linoleum floor was submerged under a couple centimetres of shallow water. Here and there, the slosh of his boots became a squelch as he trod on a wet clump of toilet paper. As Toiletnator's eyes adjusted to the darkness he could see that it was strewn everywhere; in the sinks, draped over stall walls, even pasted across the ceiling in enough sagging layers he couldn't see the lines between the tiles.
EeeeEERRRK!
Toiletnator jumped a little at the keening squeal. It came from somewhere in the row of stalls. Was it just a squeaky pipe?
A tremendous GLUNK answered that.
"Show yourself, spirit!" Toiletnator spluttered. "Your reign of toilet terror ends here!"
He put on a brave face as he approached the first stall. The coppery stench of evil was almost overpowering. To clear the air, Toiletnator swung his holy censer ahead of him--a frankincense and sage scented soap on a rope. In his other hand, he readied a can of air freshener.
"AHAH!"
The Toiletnator kicked open the stall. He let rip with a blast of citrus cleanliness all over… nobody.
The stall was empty. Save for a toilet.
He tried the next one. And the next. All empty.
Finally, he arrived at the last stall on the row. The Toiletnator listened intently. He could hear a wheezing gurgle on the other side. He gulped. It suddenly occurred to him that he might come face to face with a real, actual, scare-your-pants-off ghost. But he had a job to do. Toiletnator swallowed his pride and pushed open the door.
He gasped.
"Sputtering septic tanks!"
The toilet was so badly clogged the seat couldn't close all the way. Hairline cracks across the bowl sprayed water in all directions like a sprinkler. A veritable waterfall drooled from its basin; the source of the flooding.
Toiletnator rushed to its aid. He flipped up the seat. The bowl was jammed with a mountain of miscellaneous paperwork. Everything from tax forms to warehouse inventories.
"What've they done to you?!" He cradled the poor thing in his arms.
Water slopped out of the side of the bowl like a wet cough.
"Oh!"
The Toiletnator pressed an ear to the tank. It gave a sickly burble. "Uhuh," he nodded, "Yeah." He covered his mouth with his hand, aghast. "They gave you an upper decker with WHAT?!"
He reached to remove the lid on the toilet's tank.
The abused toilet gave out a straining gurgle of warning. Toiletnator cocked his head. "Huh?"
Toiletnator Intrigue Check: My Toilet Senses are tingling! (97+/4-)
[100] + [32] + 21 + 5 + 2 (Timely Warning) = 160
Aka Manto Opposed (+96/-5)
[88] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 117
Toiletnator Critical Success!
"He's on the ceiling?"
The Toiletnator turned just in time. What he'd initially mistaken for a sagging section of waterlogged ceiling bulged and split. A flapping, dark red thing with a painted face burst out with a keening laugh..
"Hey mister, d'you want Red Toilet Paper or Blue T--"
Toiletnator Counter-Attack! (96+/3-)
[37] + 29 + 7 = 73
Aka Manto Opposed (97+/6-)
[44] + 19 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 - 5 (Interrupted) = 66
Toiletnator Success!
"EAT LEMONY FRESHNESS, JERK!"
The Toiletnator emptied his entire can of air freshener directly into the swooping spectre's face.
"Ow! Hey! Waitaminute!"
The spirit's mask protected it but still plenty of the stinging chemical found its way through the eye holes. He stumbled blindly, pawing at his face with the sleeves of his oversized red cloak.
"No fair! Dirty trick! Dirty trick!"
Now! While it was distracted. Toiletnator dropped the spent air freshener and held out a pair of cardboard toilet paper tubes in the sign of the cross.
"In the name of the faucet, the sink, and the Potty Protector I cast you out!" He chanted.
Toiletnator Occult Check: Exorcise the Spirit (98+/5-)
[17] + 21 + 5 - 10 (Right Attitude, Wrong Method) = 33
Aka Manto Opposed (95+/4-)
[61] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = (90)
Toiletnator Failure!
"In the name of the faucet, the sink, and the Potty Protector I cast you out!" Toiletnator repeated. He waggled the cardboard cross for effect.
Aka Manto watched stonefaced behind its mask. It tilted its head, shooting him an encouraging thumbs up to keep going.
"In the name of the--- Aw, forget it!" The Toiletnator drooped. "You don't even feel like being cast out a little bit?" He asked.
"Maybe a little more now that you've asked me nicely." Aka Manto said. "You gonna pick a colour of TP?"
Toiletnator rolled his eyes. "Puh-lease! I'd have to be pretty dumb to fall for that one!"
"Then no."
Aka Manto spread his crimson cloak. Toiletnator saw that the inner fabric of it was a shade of raised-vein blue. TP tendrils snaked out of the dark blue void.
Aka Manto Attack (97+/6-)
[94] + 19 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 121
Toiletnator Opposed (96+/3-)
[75] + 29 + 7 = 110
Aka Manto Success!
The tendrils lashed around Toiletnator's arms and legs, pulling them apart some medieval torture device. He strained against his bindings until his arms nearly popped out of their sockets, but to no avail.
"Well!" Aka Manto crowed. "Now that you won't be going anywhere anytime soon, I guess this is the part where I would gloat about my evil scheme. If I had one."
"I'll never let you get away with what you did to that innocent toilet!" Toiletator cried. "Those pipes were never built to handle business documents. It might never flush again!"
"Hey, don't blame me! They only got backed up when my minions stopped collecting 'em on the other side."
"Ghosts have minions?!"
"You still think I'm a ghost?!"
The Toiletnator gave up trying to wriggle out of Aka Manto's tendrils. Instead, while the fiend was distracted, he tried a different approach…
Toiletnator Occult Check: Turn The Tables (97+/4-)
[43] + 21 + 5 = 69
Aka Manto Opposed (96+/5-)
[6] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 35
Toiletnator Success!
"--I'm mean, sure, I borrowed the name and stuff, but it should've been pretty obvious when you sprayed lemon juice in my eyes."
As he talked, the Toiletnator snaked his own ribbons of toilet paper down his wrists and up along Aka Manto's tendrils like creeping vines.
"But that's enough out of me! I'm gonna rip you limb from limb now mister. No hard feelings?"
"Nope. Just hard LANDINGS!"
The Toiletnator's mighty 12 Ply easily overpowered his opponent's flimsier 4 ply tendrils, He broke the hold on his legs and then swung Aka Manto about in a circle, dragging him through the entire row of sinks in a shower of water and broken ceramic. Then he let go. The momentum of the swing propelled the diminutive fiend into the wall hard enough to leave a child-sized crater in the tile.
"Ha! You thought you were the only one who could control toilet paper?" Toilernator boasted.
Aka Manto raised himself chuckling to his feet. "Oh, but I don't just control toilet paper…"
A dozen paper thin tendrils peeled off the surface of his cloak, each glistening and red like a used bandage. He raised his arms, and a dozen more blue ones slithered out from underneath.
"I make my own."
His tendrils surged for Toiletnator in a blur of blue and red!
Aka Manto Attack! (+95/-4)
[52] + 21 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) +12 (Red/Blue) + 2 = 93
Toiletnator Opposed (98+/5-)
[72] + 29 + 7 = 108
Toiletnator Success!
"Yipe!"
The Toiletnator hopped about, narrowly evading the barrage of striking tendrils. Every blow he dodged shattered a fist-sized holes in the walls and floor. They criss-crossed around him in dizzying patterns of red over blue that didn't let him rest for a second.
"Honestly, I'm happy someone finally came along!" Aka Manto laughed. "After the pipes clogged, I was stranded here with nothing better to do than scare dumb adults! This is the most fun I've had in days!"
A blue streak passed perilously close to Toiletnator's face and splattered the wall mounted soap dispenser into bubbly pink goop.
His back bumped the air dryer. No more room to dodge. Aka Manto's paper arms closed in on all sides. Heart racing, the Toiletnator grabbed his trusty plunger and thrust the only place he could; six feet straight upwards. The plunger stuck fast to the ceiling, and he watched as the tendrils wrapped around the metal dryer in his place and crushed it like an aluminium can.
That'd been way too close for comfort. The Toiletnator was not prepared for this. He had to get out of there. And fast!
He dropped from the ceiling and dove into the nearest stall. He could flush himself back to his Toilet Cave. Gear up, come back again another day. Yeah right! Who was he kidding?! He wasn't cut out for this!
He hopped into the toilet bowl. Reached for the handle. And It hit him.
Uh oh.
The pipes were packed with company secrets. And he was standing in the stall with the worst clog of all.
Tap tap taptap tap.
Came a polite knock from the other side of the stall.
"Ummm… Occupied?" Toiletnator gulped.
Aka Manto tore the entire stall up from the floor, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it aside.
"Sorry. I can't hold it."
The creepy mask leered down at him. Tendrils shivered in anticipation, ready to flatten the Toiletnator into a paste.
Behind him, the broken toilet gurgled.
The Toiletnator's eyes widened. "You're sure?"
The toilet gurgled affirmatively.
"Having a conversation there?" Aka Manto asked. "I didn't mean to scare you so much you lost your mind."
"No!! Just enough that I remembered I've got one more trick."
Toiletnator Attack (95+/2-)
[68] + 29 + 10 (Noble Sacrifice) + 7 = 114
Aka Manto Opposed (98+/7-)
[60] + 19 + 6 (Beware of Bathrooms) + 2 = 87
Toiletnator Success!
The Toiletnator concentrated. He reached out with his mighty Toilet Senses, deep into the building's plumbing. Felt the pressure build inside himself…
"Evildoer; prepare to be flushed!"
…and he let it all release.
The toilet erupted into a mighty geyser. Poseidon's Kiss slammed Aka Manto with a full sixty kathousand pounds per square inch of glorious water pressure. He soared up through three storeys' worth of ceilings plus the roof of the building, and then hurtled skyward out of sight.
Soggy spreadsheet printouts rained like confetti. No more clog down there!
The violent eruption was all too much for the poor broken toilet. It held just long enough to channel the flow before shattering under the strain---taking a good sized chunk of the floor along with it.
The Toiletnator clenched his fist to his chest. "Your sacrifice won't be in vain my friend."
Aka Manto finally plopped back to the ground, his cloak soaked and ragged.
"Urgh…" He groaned. "Now I gotta explain to the boss that I lost to the Toiletnator."
"Boss? You mean there's more of you toilet tormenting fiends?!"
"Sure, mister. Lots more." Aka Manto laughed. "And now you've gone and cleared the pipes, I think I'll make that rendezvous with them after all."
The Toiletnator realised his mistake at once.
Aka Manto shot him a jaunty mocking salute and then vanished through the now exposed pipes.
"AWWW nuts!" Toiletnator wailed. "Can't anything just go right for me?"
He dove down after him.
Thanks to a little thing called gravity, going down the pipes was WAY faster than the other way around. They streaked towards ground level like twin torpedoes. Aka Manto was fast, but with that big flapping cloak dragging through the water, Toiletnator was quickly gaining on him.
He tackled Aka Manto from behind. The force of their clash ruptured the walls of the pipe. They burst out onto the street through a section of piping exposed to roadwork. Toiletnator was just getting ready to throttle Aka Manto by his scrawny neck before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around.
A young woman wearing a very dated ascot and a freshly printed AdultCo lanyard gave him an apologetic smile.
"Hi, sorry! I'm supposed to be at an orientation meeting with Mr. Hill in the Big Boring Business Building, but I've been having a hard time finding my way around. Could you point me in the right direction?"
"Oh, uh. It's just down the block." Toiletnator said. "Right across the street from Cuppa Joe's. Can't miss it."
"Tenth floor." Aka Manto added. "Good luck on your first day!"
She thanked them and left.
"She seemed nice." Toiletnator said.
"Mhm." Aka Manto agreed. "Wanna keep beating each other up now?"
Their dust cloud tussle of flailing limbs and toilet paper carried them the rest of the way down the street, over the edge of The Swim. They bumped down the steep incline until Toiletnator's cape snagged on a jutting section of pipe. Faster than he could disentangle himself, Aka Manto swung himself up and over the lip of the pipe.
"Looks like I'm home free. And after all that too. Tsk tsk."
He turned and retreated slowly into the dim of the sewers.
"NO!" Toiletnator scrabbled up after him. His hand caught Aka Manto's red cloak. "I'm not fumbling the bag again this time! No way José! I'm gonna bring you to toilet justice even if it kills me!"
Aka Manto reached deep into the folds of his cloak. "Suit yourself."
He drew out a long handled ornate staff tipped with a three fingered claw the likes of which Toiletnator had never seen on any animal. The claw glowed a virulent hypnotic green.
Aka Manto Occult Check: Invite Friends (94+/3-)
[96] + 21 +15 (The Claw) + 2 = 134
Critical Success!
Hungry eyes lit up in the dark behind the red cloaked fiend.
An emaciated scaly maw snapped out at Toiletnator, nearly taking off his hand. He yelped and dropped the cloak. More eyes and teeth flashed out at him. Slithering creatures fought to wriggle over one another for the chance to gnash at his body. The largest fought its way to the head of the pack, and as it crawled into the sunlight streaming in through the mouth of the pipe, Toiletnator recognised its shape.
"A sewer gator?! Buh-buh-but that's just a myth!"
The claw glowed again. The beast retreated. Its eyes became pinpricks of reflected light in the darkness. The face of Aka Manto's own leering mask joined it.
"More like an urban legend."
And then they were gone.
The Toiletnator hesitated. The right thing to do would be to go after him. Who knew what other toilet related misdeeds the little creep might be planning?
On the other hand… sewer gators! No way could he beat one of those things with a can of air freshener.
Father would know what to do. He'd go tell him straight away!
??? Martial Check (94+/3-)
[37] + 35 + 5 (Killinger's Training) = 77
Toiletnator Opposed (99+/6-)
[45] + 14 + 4 = 63
He didn't get the chance.
A black and purple coil wrapped around his body and looped into a perfect double fisherman's knot. For a second he panicked that Aka Manto had returned for him. Then he saw there was a man attached to it.
"Hello there!" Said Professor Impossible. "I was just in the neighbourhood, and it seemed like you were finished with that other fellow. I figured… what the heck! I'll take you hostage! Hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Um." Toiletnator blinked. "Nope, I'm pretty much wrapped up."
"Good!"
Professor Impossible looked down at his coiled torso.
"Oh! Ha ha! Wrapped up! Now isn't that something?"
He reeled his elongated body back up into a hovercraft idling over The Swim, depositing Toiletnator into a sidecar.
"Buckle up! I'll have you back at my lair and strapped into a fiendish deathtrap in a jiffy!'
"Wait!" Toiletnator cried over the roar of the Impossicar's turbines. "Hold on! I really have to talk to Father first!"
"Ha!" Professor Impossible smiled and nodded along. "Yes, I'm sure I agree with whatever it is you're saying."
"I really must invest in quieter engines." He muttered to himself.
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- Location
- Deep in a bog
That was cool. Also funny.
It really says something about the danger/competency level of this setting's villains that even Toiletnator has his time of day. Granted, he only ever performs well when foiling another villain's plan.
It took me a minute to remember our guild-approved-arch. I initially mistook him for that Ben 10 character.
It really says something about the danger/competency level of this setting's villains that even Toiletnator has his time of day. Granted, he only ever performs well when foiling another villain's plan.
Lifeandlice
Practitioning side-character
- Location
- Usa
Why was this so stupidly glorious? Like genuinely good. What the heck. Also a lot of tidbits of information floating around.
...this is just...amazing????? What the heck. Niche sure but it knocks him up a lot powerwise when in effect. It's actually kinda frightening.
Impossible...has higher base Martial in total than Father I believe. That's, very notable. Also, noted we didn't see him this turn but what an odd thing for him to do. Steal Toiletnator. He may be lame most of the time but he's our lame defender of bathrooms.
So we gotta spend a personal to save Toiletnator next turn I guess.
Also definitely Argost. Definately Argost.
Also definitely Argost. Definately Argost.
Nope, Father has 37 Martial+5 Combat Martial, Impossible 35+5. Not counting Rage of course.
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Well toilenator, now had his own protaginist style fight with a rival, now all we need is a power up regarding toilets and a speech about friendship and he has the marking of a protaginist with plot armor