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Battle Action Harem Highschool Side Character Quest (No SV, you are the Waifu)

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So here I am, sitting patiently like a good little semi-lurker, as I watch the rest of the occupants of this thread slowly go insane.
Mass delusions of kobolds that may or may not be drowning, speculations based upon speculations being discussed, conversations going in circles.

And I can't look away. It's like watching a massive car wreck in slow motion. Except less tragic, and more omake.
 
Familiar said:
So here I am, sitting patiently like a good little semi-lurker, as I watch the rest of the occupants of this thread slowly go insane.
Mass delusions of kobolds that may or may not be drowning, speculations based upon speculations being discussed, conversations going in circles.

And I can't look away. It's like watching a massive car wreck in slow motion. Except less tragic, and more omake.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

You say that like we weren't crazy to begin with.
 
Interested Party said:
Actually, where did you get the alligator? Florida's ocean now, not swamp. Shouldn't they all be kinda dead? By a while?
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Oh, I believe he was launching a rescue operation when I revealed that NotAKobold was, in fact, a kobold. At the time, I thought he was just running a charity, but apparently he was investingin future housing stocks.
...
@NotAKobold , do you have mosquitos in there? If not, I may consider investing in a time share. I'll trade stock in the Alaskan real estate market, it's poised to make a fantastic recovery soon!
 
Sightsear said:
Oh, I believe he was launching a rescue operation when I revealed that NotAKobold was, in fact, a kobold. At the time, I thought he was just running a charity, but apparently he was investingin future housing stocks.
...
@NotAKobold , do you have mosquitos in there? If not, I may consider investing in a time share. I'll trade stock in the Alaskan real estate market, it's poised to make a fantastic recovery soon!
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Mosquitoes will always live in Florida, regardless of whether Florida is there or not.
 
Interested Party said:
Actually, where did you get the alligator? Florida's ocean now, not swamp. Shouldn't they all be kinda dead? By a while?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
It's a giant alligator.
A GIANT alligator.
Point of fact, alligators never stop growing. One that lasts a century can near twenty feet.
Florida is an alligator older than time.
Its scales are bedrock, its ridges and scales a vast mountain range.
Countless hordes of its smaller kin shelter on and within it. Its maw is an all-consuming void.
When the land was washed away by the sea, it was revealed to be merely a patina of dirt. Florida's body was barely rocked.
Yet, still, it was. And so Florida has grown angry. Angry at those who DARED to disturb its rest.
So now Florida watches, and waits, for when the time comes to surface, and bring about the awesome might of a titan on the poor fools who disturbed it.
Sightsear said:
@NotAKobold , do you have mosquitos in there? If not, I may consider investing in a time share. I'll trade stock in the Alaskan real estate market, it's poised to make a fantastic recovery soon!
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Nah, we still have them. The millions of spiders have to eat something.
Interested Party said:
You say that like we weren't crazy to begin with.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
I think that this post could be used as evidence in favor of this.
 
NotAKobold said:
It's a giant alligator.
A GIANT alligator.
Point of fact, alligators never stop growing. One that lasts a century can near twenty feet.
Florida is an alligator older than time.
Its scales are bedrock, its ridges and scales a vast mountain range.
Countless hordes of its smaller kin shelter on and within it. Its maw is an all-consuming void.
When the land was washed away by the sea, it was revealed to be merely a patina of dirt. Florida's body was barely rocked.
Yet, still, it was. And so Florida has grown angry. Angry at those who DARED to disturb its rest.
So now Florida watches, and waits, for when the time comes to surface, and bring about the awesome might of a titan on the poor fools who disturbed it.

Nah, we still have them. The millions of spiders have to eat something.

I think that this post could be used as evidence in favor of this.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
*Highfive.*
You said it better than I could.
 
NotAKobold said:
Hmmm. Not sure which of these I prefer:
  • High level arcane spellcaster, duh!
  • The alligator needs to eat too.
  • I subsist entirely on this thread. Anna withdrawal can lead to me starving to death.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

I love this friggin Kobold.

Enjou said:
You know what I think would help? Writing an update. That would most assuredly make you less confused... maybe. :p
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

*administers seal club* just look away, @Avalanche, just look away from the person who don't quite realize who the current target of our frayed emotions is... *packages unconscious SV-er into box, ships to @LegacySC*

[update is already written, editor is editing, see Avalanche's profile for details]

Familiar said:
So here I am, sitting patiently like a good little semi-lurker, as I watch the rest of the occupants of this thread slowly go insane.
Mass delusions of kobolds that may or may not be drowning, speculations based upon speculations being discussed, conversations going in circles.

And I can't look away. It's like watching a massive car wreck in slow motion. Except less tragic, and more omake.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

I love you, too. A whole lot.
 
Considering the sheer amount of inanity that has happened in the mean time, a small part of me is going to be disappionted when we get an actual update. End of an era, and all that....

On the other hand , UPDATE!
 
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Familiar - Inside Pan-dora's Box
  • Apocrypha
    • Ladies and gentlemen, for the purpose of adding to this thread's slow descent into madness, I present to you:

    Inside Pan-dora's Box
    Anna continued to scan through Durga's software in worried frustration.

    Something within Durga's system was eating up processing power, creating a slight delay in Durga's response time. It was minimal, hundredths of a second, but she'd had enough close calls in life to appreciate every ten-thousandth of a second faster she could be. Still finding not even a hint of the resource-sink, she broadened the range of her search.

    She paused, having found... something. She followed this something, strangely enough, into the Valkyrie's storage pocket, and froze, as the trail lead to an area she had cordoned off for one thing, not to be touched for the foreseeable future. The source of the processing power drop was The Bread. Cautiously, she peaked into the sub-pocket. All color drained from her face as she perceive what was within. This was... She'd need specialized tools to deal with something of this scale.

    Pulling her consciousness out of cyberspace, she leaned back in her seat, contemplating just how to deal with this problem. She thought, and considered, and meditated, and deliberated, and finally inspiration struck. Standing and walking across her room, she scooped up her model car, dropped it into Durga's storage pocket (the main pocket, she wasn't touching the sub-pocket with a ten foot cyber-pole), and went about modifying it to fulfill her current needs.

    As she worked, she ruminated on her current predicament. Not only was this a drain on Durga, but apparently the Valkyrie had categorized the ceremonial cutlery specially gifted to her by the Baking club as bread, due to its unique origin as her debut dough, and therefor dropped it into the sub-pocket. She needed to retrieve those as well; after all, it was a very thoughtful gift.

    Completing the finishing touches on her model car's new form, she looked on in satisfaction, then frowned as a thought struck her. This may not be enough. Indeed, the problem inside the bread sub-pocket, newly dubbed 'Pan-dora', would likely take much more than this single modified model, no matter how formidable its form. Resolved to take care of the problem in one fell swoop, and rather having overkill than falling short, she headed off to the Cars and Small Scale Models club to gather supplies.

    999 additional car models, 400 various animal models, 40 soldier models, one specially-made mini-Durga model, and a room of bewildered club members later, Anna sat in her room finally ready to deal with that which lay within the sinister sub-space. She took a deep breath, strengthened her resolve, and dropped her army into Pan-dora.
    Ruptures, seeming gaps in space itself, had always been there; scattered about the world floating high above ground-level since before bread-kind had invented fire. The technology to take advantage of the Impeller waves that continuously emanated from them, however, was very recent. With modern innovation, the ruptures became a source of limitless energy; no longer would bread-kind need to rely on fossil fuels.

    But the ruptures apparently decided that another gift was in order.

    The first rupture to give was the one above Chapati. Their arrival was announced by a rain of ammunition and lasers. Despite their mundane appearances, that of simple vehicles and various quadrupedal creatures, our weaponry and defenses were like pea-shooters and tissue paper to them. Lives were lost by the millions as what we dubbed 'Adversaries' poured over the continent, hunting us with genocidal fervor. When they started pouring out of the other ruptures, first above Rugbrød, then Melonpan, then Tortilla, we started to give up hope. The only silver lining we had was that any sense of antagonism between the various nations was shattered under the weight of our imminent extinction.

    Then, a gift from God; the Cutlery was found. Finally we had a weapon capable of fighting the Adversaries on equal footing, better even. The Cutlery cut them down in droves, wielded by a young bread from Zwieback. But it wasn't enough; he was only a single protector. They were pouring through the ruptures faster than he was killing them. So we learned how to make more Cutlery.

    The method to create one was monstrous; we were forced to used our deceased as the base components. But we had no choice; the only alternative was utter annihilation. So we became monsters to save ourselves. Besides, it's not like we were lacking in dead to utilize; the Adversaries saw to that. Finally the world population slowed in its drastic plummet, stymied by our new protectors, wielders of Cutlery, now many in number, though not as skilled as the original.

    And bread-kind finally had the chance to push back.
    As the war dragged on, we only improved in our new craft. We formalized the training of Cutlery wielders, creating schools dedicated to raising the next generation of protectors, which in turn brought about marked improvement in our situation. first the war slowly crawled to a standstill. Then we started gaining ground. For the first time since the start of the war, we were winning. Or so we thought.

    The first 'Bipedal' Adversary flattened our forces like a wrought iron rolling pin. The replicated Cutlery didn't stand a ghost of a chance. Before the wielder of the first Cutlery arrived, hundreds of our protectors fell just to delay it. When he did arrive, a battle the likes we'd never seen before commenced. It took everything he had, and then some, but the Bipedal finally lay dead at his feet. We thought this was the final boss, a one time occurrence, an indicator that the end of our long trial was near. How naive we were, even after all this time at war.

    A second came. Then a third, then a tenth, and so on. Each time, the pattern repeated; the replica Cutlery threw themselves in front of it to buy time, the first would arrive and give everything he had and more. Each time, he won. Each time, he sagged a little more, the weariness in his features grew. The fight was taking its toll on him. Everyone who saw him could see it, but he was our only hope.

    It descended from the rupture that started it all. Its form, both beautiful and terrible, would have those that witnessed it thinking an angel had fallen. Those thoughts lasted only an instant before it delivered its righteous fury upon any in proximity. He faced it. Despite his exhaustion, despite his war-weariness, he faced what he knew was without a doubt going to be the most difficult battle fought in the history of bread-kind. He faced it with prodigious courage and boundless selflessness. He fought, drawing on every ounce of skill he had earned at the cost of blood, sweat, tears, and innocence. He lost.

    With our hero gone, our morale was shattered beyond any hope of repair. Our hope was shattered without any chance of recovery. Our chance was shattered along with the first Cutlery in the strike that took the first wielder's life. In bread-kind's last moments, we regretted tapping into the ruptures. We regretted opening what we had long-since realized was the lid of Pandora's Box.

    What we never realized was that we were on the inside.
    Anna frowned as she looked at the shattered utensils laying in the palms of her hands. Oh well, it was an easy enough fix. She dropped it back into storage space and Durga, totally lag-free after cleaning up that little incident, went about repairing the cutlery. Now, where to dump the mess left inside the bread sub-pocket?

    Moral of the story: Don't leave your bread unattended in an evolution engine.
    On a more serious note: The other side is always the evil one.

    Breads mentioned in this story:

    And having finished writing that, it's 2:30 AM where I'm at, so I'ma go pass out.
     
  • Apocrypha
    • Familiar said:
    Ladies and gentlemen, for the purpose of adding to this thread's slow descent into madness, I present to you:

    Inside Pan-dora's Box
    Anna continued to scan through Durga's software in worried frustration.

    Something within Durga's system was eating up processing power, creating a slight delay in Durga's response time. It was minimal, hundredths of a second, but she'd had enough close calls in life to appreciate every ten-thousandth of a second faster she could be. Still finding not even a hint of the resource-sink, she broadened the range of her search.

    She paused, having found... something. She followed this something, strangely enough, into the Valkyrie's storage pocket, and froze, as the trail lead to an area she had cordoned off for one thing, not to be touched for the foreseeable future. The source of the processing power drop was The Bread. Cautiously, she peaked into the sub-pocket. All color drained from her face as she perceive what was within. This was... She'd need specialized tools to deal with something of this scale.

    Pulling her consciousness out of cyberspace, she leaned back in her seat, contemplating just how to deal with this problem. She thought, and considered, and meditated, and deliberated, and finally inspiration struck. Standing and walking across her room, she scooped up her model car, dropped it into Durga's storage pocket (the main pocket, she wasn't touching the sub-pocket with a ten foot cyber-pole), and went about modifying it to fulfill her current needs.

    As she worked, she ruminated on her current predicament. Not only was this a drain on Durga, but apparently the Valkyrie had categorized the ceremonial cutlery specially gifted to her by the Baking club as bread, due to its unique origin as her debut dough, and therefor dropped it into the sub-pocket. She needed to retrieve those as well; after all, it was a very thoughtful gift.

    Completing the finishing touches on her model car's new form, she looked on in satisfaction, then frowned as a thought struck her. This may not be enough. Indeed, the problem inside the bread sub-pocket, newly dubbed 'Pan-dora', would likely take much more than this single modified model, no matter how formidable its form. Resolved to take care of the problem in one fell swoop, and rather having overkill than falling short, she headed off to the Cars and Small Scale Models club to gather supplies.

    999 additional car models, 400 various animal models, 40 soldier models, one specially-made mini-Durga model, and a room of bewildered club members later, Anna sat in her room finally ready to deal with that which lay within the sinister sub-space. She took a deep breath, strengthened her resolve, and dropped her army into Pan-dora.
    Ruptures, seeming gaps in space itself, had always been there; scattered about the world floating high above ground-level since before bread-kind had invented fire. The technology to take advantage of the Impeller waves that continuously emanated from them, however, was very recent. With modern innovation, the ruptures became a source of limitless energy; no longer would bread-kind need to rely on fossil fuels.

    But the ruptures apparently decided that another gift was in order.

    The first rupture to give was the one above Chapati. Their arrival was announced by a rain of ammunition and lasers. Despite their mundane appearances, that of simple vehicles and various quadrupedal creatures, our weaponry and defenses were like pea-shooters and tissue paper to them. Lives were lost by the millions as what we dubbed 'Adversaries' poured over the continent, hunting us with genocidal fervor. When they started pouring out of the other ruptures, first above Rugbrød, then Melonpan, then Tortilla, we started to give up hope. The only silver lining we had was that any sense of antagonism between the various nations was shattered under the weight of our imminent extinction.

    Then, a gift from God; the Cutlery was found. Finally we had a weapon capable of fighting the Adversaries on equal footing, better even. The Cutlery cut them down in droves, wielded by a young bread from Zwieback. But it wasn't enough; he was only a single protector. They were pouring through the ruptures faster than he was killing them. So we learned how to make more Cutlery.

    The method to create one was monstrous; we were forced to used our deceased as the base components. But we had no choice; the only alternative was utter annihilation. So we became monsters to save ourselves. Besides, it's not like we were lacking in dead to utilize; the Adversaries saw to that. Finally the world population slowed in its drastic plummet, stymied by our new protectors, wielders of Cutlery, now many in number, though not as skilled as the original.

    And bread-kind finally had the chance to push back.
    As the war dragged on, we only improved in our new craft. We formalized the training of Cutlery wielders, creating schools dedicated to raising the next generation of protectors, which in turn brought about marked improvement in our situation. first the war slowly crawled to a standstill. Then we started gaining ground. For the first time since the start of the war, we were winning. Or so we thought.

    The first 'Bipedal' Adversary flattened our forces like a wrought iron rolling pin. The replicated Cutlery didn't stand a ghost of a chance. Before the wielder of the first Cutlery arrived, hundreds of our protectors fell just to delay it. When he did arrive, a battle the likes we'd never seen before commenced. It took everything he had, and then some, but the Bipedal finally lay dead at his feet. We thought this was the final boss, a one time occurrence, an indicator that the end of our long trial was near. How naive we were, even after all this time at war.

    A second came. Then a third, then a tenth, and so on. Each time, the pattern repeated; the replica Cutlery threw themselves in front of it to buy time, the first would arrive and give everything he had and more. Each time, he won. Each time, he sagged a little more, the weariness in his features grew. The fight was taking its toll on him. Everyone who saw him could see it, but he was our only hope.

    It descended from the rupture that started it all. Its form, both beautiful and terrible, would have those that witnessed it thinking an angel had fallen. Those thoughts lasted only an instant before it delivered its righteous fury upon any in proximity. He faced it. Despite his exhaustion, despite his war-weariness, he faced what he knew was without a doubt going to be the most difficult battle fought in the history of bread-kind. He faced it with prodigious courage and boundless selflessness. He fought, drawing on every ounce of skill he had earned at the cost of blood, sweat, tears, and innocence. He lost.

    With our hero gone, our morale was shattered beyond any hope of repair. Our hope was shattered without any chance of recovery. Our chance was shattered along with the first Cutlery in the strike that took the first wielder's life. In bread-kind's last moments, we regretted tapping into the ruptures. We regretted opening what we had long-since realized was the lid of Pandora's Box.

    What we never realized was that we were on the inside.
    Anna frowned as she looked at the shattered utensils laying in the palms of her hands. Oh well, it was an easy enough fix. She dropped it back into storage space and Durga, totally lag-free after cleaning up that little incident, went about repairing the cutlery. Now, where to dump the mess left inside the bread sub-pocket?

    Moral of the story: Don't leave your bread unattended in an evolution engine.
    On a more serious note: The other side is always the evil one.

    Breads mentioned in this story:

    And having finished writing that, it's 2:30 AM where I'm at, so I'ma go pass out.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Aha-ahahahahahahaha!

    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    H-help, I can't get up...
     
    Kaizuki said:
    *administers seal club* just look away, @Avalanche, just look away from the person who don't quite realize who the current target of our frayed emotions is... *packages unconscious SV-er into box, ships to @LegacySC*

    [update is already written, editor is editing, see Avalanche's profile for details]
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    veekie said:
    Isn't the update already finished and just in editing?
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    Ah, must have missed that somewhere in the 100 pages since the last update. :p
     
    NotAKobold said:
    It's a giant alligator.
    A GIANT alligator.
    Point of fact, alligators never stop growing. One that lasts a century can near twenty feet.
    Florida is an alligator older than time.
    Its scales are bedrock, its ridges and scales a vast mountain range.
    Countless hordes of its smaller kin shelter on and within it. Its maw is an all-consuming void.
    When the land was washed away by the sea, it was revealed to be merely a patina of dirt. Florida's body was barely rocked.
    Yet, still, it was. And so Florida has grown angry. Angry at those who DARED to disturb its rest.
    So now Florida watches, and waits, for when the time comes to surface, and bring about the awesome might of a titan on the poor fools who disturbed it.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Then what's Australia?:confused:
     
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