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A Sword Without a Hilt: A Song of Ice and Fire/D&D 3.5 Crossover

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Part MCCLIII: Unlikely Tools
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    • Unlikely Tools​

    Twenty-Seventh Day of the Eight Month 292 AC

    From speaking with Azema, you learn that for all its undoubted strategic importance in protecting Tyroshi trade through the Stepstones, Westheaven is seen as more a place to send disgraced commanders and those who do not have the stomach for hard fighting in the disputed lands. There has not been a war in the west since the Band of Nine was broken more than a generation ago, and even that company of rogues came from the east though its ultimate ambitions lay to the west. Tyrosh may have fallen to their hired blades, but never did they threaten Westheaven, thinking it a poor morsel for their rapacious appetites. And so it is wine and song that rule the outpost in the west rather than the calls of trumpets and the beat of drums. It is only fitting that they fall as they have served.

    Azema is enthusiastic at the mention of a grand feast for the officers in command, though markedly less so when told that you have no intention of spilling more blood than is necessary. It looks quite odd to see the alu demon pout at the thought of a peaceful transfer of power, as though you are denying her some long-expected treat. From the look on Waymar's face he has a rather stronger reaction to the notion, but thankfully he holds his peace.

    Suddenly the fiend brightens. "Do you want just the officers drunk or the whole town? Well... all the freemen at least."

    "That seems excessive," you begin, but Tyene speaks at the same time, curious:

    "How would you even manage to get that many people drunk?"

    "The Feast of the Zagreus the Harvest Lord is... sometime next month," Azema replies, waving a hand carelessly. "Celebrations in his name involve drunkenness and revelry for all free men as well as all manner of other excess..." she trails off meaningfully.

    "I can see why you would take notice of it," you answer, giving the alu demon a mildly reproving look for all the good that is likely to do. "I do not wish to wait a month, and I imagine you would wish it even less."

    She snorts delicately. "Of course not, but the wine has arrived already, a gift from Jacaelar's kin who must still be hoping he will drink himself to death one of these days. It would be the simplest thing to persuade him to organize the feast early. He certainly enjoys the proceedings enough..."

    "It seems like a good way to ensure the common soldiers do not do anything foolish when our men take the port," Ser Richard agrees unexpectedly. "Drunkenness may make men bold, but the morning after they prove more timid... assuming they can even stand."

    Waymar looks startled at the notion. "Surely they would leave some men to stand watch..."

    Your sworn sword shakes his head, amused. "These are garrison troops in peace-time, and stationed at the ass-end of nowhere as far as they are concerned. Give them a night when they can drink, fight, and fuck to their heart's content, and by morning this place would fall to an assault that numbers ten times fewer men. Open the gates on top of that and it's not a fight, it's a parade."

    Do you agree with Azema's plan?

    [] Yes

    [] No, keep to the original plan

    OOC: You suggested to a demon that she get people drunk. Naturally she upped the ante to make it more fun.
     
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    • I think I like the idea of coming in after everyone is hungover to announce our glorious presence. Maybe Viserys could start working on a code of laws in the meantime?
     
    [X] Yes
    -[X] with preparations regarding spells and harbor per previous plan
    -[X] start on code of laws until then

    We should stockpile wine for a Kingdom wide celebration next month obviously. Don't wanna offend strange gods and more importantly I think a few shared festivals would be great for helping with morale and binding the kingdom together. Everyone likes. A chance to have fun!

    Also holy shit is Tyrosh really 3/4 slaves? That's a ridiculously high number that dwarfs the height of the wall in terms of ridiculously high to me. The closest real life equivalent I can think of is Sparta which had to structure it's society around being a repressive autocratic military state to constantly prevent rebellion.
     
    [X] Yes

    @Azel This is ASOIaF. The closest king to Westhaven is a world-famous drunkard, and the town is full of bored soldiers. If this place doesn't have enough stills to get everyone rotating drunk in less than an hour (let alone enough imported booze!) I'll eat my hat.
     
    [X] Yes

    Overnight takeover is a go. :D

    I'm sure it will come to a vote on specifics but if we can leave this place better than we found it pre-takeover we will have populations begging to be conquered and that makes it all the easier.
     
    Artemis1992 said:
    [X] Yes

    *Viserys suddenly appears on a Summer Island, still half asleep. "What the hell guys?"
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    Viserys appears half naked in a town in the disputed lands

    "Guys, it is the third time this month, who conquered you now?"

    "Myr, I think it was Myr, right guys?"

    "I don't know. One of them striked me as Ibbanese. Man was far too hairy to be a human"
     
    Tomcost said:
    Haiti had 80 percent slave population. It was the first state to rebel and declare itself free in America.
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    Ah true, but it reinforces incredulity that a centuries long mostly mercantile/metropolitan state is apparently 75% slaves holy shitballs. Haiti was mostly plantations that as you mentioned rebelled after what, "only" 1.5 centuries? I can't help but think that number in universe is a measter exagerating for exoticism or something
     
    Omake: Drunkard's Drought
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    • Omake: Drunkard's Drought
    ​
    Twenty-Seventh Day of the Eight Month 292 AC

    In the court of the Stag King...

    Robert groans--though his previous night's debauchery wasn't high in his top ten list of drunken shenanigan filled nights, it at least made the list. He wonders how many dragons his good father had to shit out simply to pay for it. In between the outright militant drilling of his household, from the lowliest man-at-arms to his little shitstain of a son--opportunities frequently lessening in scope thanks to that harridan of a wife Jon went and saddled him with--he was beginning to find himself wondering just how it might be possible to get so rip roaring drunk that he could simply forget, to no longer dream a night where, a thousand times over he crushed that bastard's chest in, but felt no satisfaction from it, knowing that they triumphed in death. Lyanna, Robert thought, where did it go so wrong?

    And now there was that dragonspawn, elevating himself into at least a drake, with the temerity to ask ransom of his own brother! The Gods cursed him the day Stannis allowed those children to escape over the Narrow Sea--he'd have no satisfaction until he'd done unto Viserys fucking Targaryen as he'd done Rhaegar. The get of the Mad King made him a mockery in his own court--oh but the sneering and snickering he must endure, the frequent council by Jon not to march off to war over the insults, to smash this lordling or that one. He had expected to find recalcitrant men in the Crownlands and the Narrow Sea houses, to be sure, but with the defeat of his invasion fleet, one he was not even allowed, yes allowed, to go with--treason. It was so obvious, even to him, though these Lannisters think him a fool, though these men who claim utmost loyalty think him simple-minded, warmongering, usurper.

    There was a message waiting for him in his solar, where he often found himself--often to the point of being reclusive, but for the changing shifts of his Kingsguard, the attentions of Barristan Selmy or Jaime Lannister doing little to brighten his moods, knowing so well the two had served Aerys faithfully--at least up until the latter drove his sword into his liege's back. It was a study enough in contrasts, perhaps explaining why he kept the two around. One offered solid council, the other an acceptable target for mockery.

    Ah, he thought, I knew that Spider was kept in hand for a reason. Apparently, after sending the man after actually bloody useful information to get some kind of advantage, any kind really, over the Targaryens, he actually turned up something halfway interesting.


    "Your Grace," it began, as he imagined that simpering velvety voice, and wasn't it disconcerting enough that he could place it so well in their absence? "There are unconfirmed reports that a ritualized formal event, involving the consumption of increasingly alcoholic beverages will summon Viserys Targaryen to the destination where such festivities take place."

    Robert stared at the missive long and hard, reading and rereading it four times, before shouting, "Squire! You halfwit," he spat--which Lannister he often forgot, simply going with his position as his aide more often than not--"Fetch the wine! All of it!"

    "A-all of it, your Grace?" Lancel, that's who he was. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Kingslayer stare at his cousin with misplaced sympathy.

    "Did I fucking stutter, you lackwit?! I said fetch the fucking WINE! ALL OF IT! I don't care if you have to empty the cellars by hand, roll them up four flights of stairs--go! There's a celebration to prepare!"

    As the Lannister scrambled to obey, Robert reached for his trusty warhammer.

    One could only hope.​
     
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    • We should ask azema what people are saying in regards to Stannis' fleet being stopped.

    Make sure she understands that we want factual info, not her stroking our... Ego.
    The sailors/captains do not know the most awesome stuff we've done, and even if they heard roumers, they have no context to understand it. We just wanna know what preconceptions we're working with here.

    I wanna hear rumors about us, but not from someone who'd possibly have a reason to lie/exaggerate
     
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    Think we should use Westhaven gold to buy alochol to replace that which we use in this? Send it from SD, cash stays in our kingdom.
    Be less hassle than risking having a god pissed at us.
     
    [X] Yes

    And then Salladhor Saan is next in line to be diplomanced, and after that we'll have all the Stepstones under our banner. :) The only problem is as our most powerful subordinate it'll be a bit hard to toss his men into the melting pot like we've been doing with everyone else.
    BeepSmile said:
    Think we should use Westhaven gold to buy alochol to replace that which we use in this? Send it from SD, cash stays in our kingdom.
    Be less hassle than risking having a god pissed at us.
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    Probably a good idea. But I wonder if we can talk to this god, too. Leftover Freehold god or some random interloper who wandered in after the Doom?
     
    The solution to Saan is actually really simple. Give him a position where he's respected and relied upon, let him sink or swim on it, and take his council for whatever it's worth--you don't get as far as Saan does in such a violent life without being wily and half-way competent, at the very least.

    Doing this doesn't ensure his loyalty, but it keeps him within sight and directs his efforts in exactly the way we desire.
     
    Might not even be a real god. That'll annoy Yss, but I trust he'd be awade of our mortal ignorance and let us know. In that case, we can make it a secular party and/or rededicate it to Yss if we want to take advantage of the wasted worship.
     
    Crake said:
    The solution to Saan is actually really simple. Give him a position where he's respected and relied upon, let him sink or swim on it, and take his council for whatever it's worth--you don't get as far as Saan does in such a violent life without being wily and half-way competent, at the very least.

    Doing this doesn't ensure his loyalty, but it keeps him within sight and directs his efforts in exactly the way we desire.
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    Master of Ships/Admiral would definitely be useful. Lord Velaryon would have been my first choice, but it's not like we can openly hire him for the job. And with him Saan will bring the manpower to hold the Free Cities after we take them.
    BeepSmile said:
    Might not even be a real god. That'll annoy Yss, but I trust he'd be awade of our mortal ignorance and let us know. In that case, we can make it a secular party and/or rededicate it to Yss if we want to take advantage of the wasted worship.
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    Yss isn't a jealous god in the slightest. He only cares so long as he's fed regularly.
     
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