Alright then, time for more, excessively detailed, line-by-line analysis.
We begin at the start, as Ling Qi examines Linqin.
We see two points here: firstly, that Ling Qi sees Linqin as an entity who is bound to her partner in a possessive, almost symbiotic relationship. We also again see a commentary on her issues with intimacy and marriage here. She cannot see the possibility of an equal relationship, and is frightened by the idea of losing control.
Note also "she could never have imagined someone so powerful defining themself that way". Again we see her deepset belief that to being strong should not require to you to need others, because that would be a vulnerability. Others are, of course, a source of strength that should not be ignored - but you should also not be reliant on them.
"You're her wife," Ling Qi said blankly, staring up into the colorless sun, caged by the embracing weave of vine and leaf and flowers, rooted to the earth. If she was honest she could never have imagined someone so powerful defining themself that way. To Ling Qi marriage was… it was a frightening thing, a loss. To be a wife was to be at another's mercy for the rest of your life, or, she supposed, to dominate someone else in the same way. Someone had to be the one in control, didn't they?
And the Duchess was greater of them, but it didn't feel that way in that instant. It was hard to tell where one ended and the other began.
And then Linqin's commentary: she highlights what LQ focuses on as a commentary on LQ herself. It is Want and desire that resonates with Ling Qi. Here we may see, perhaps, a call-back to her conversations with Zeqing where Zeqing was all "don't you want to just tie up your friends and hold them to you forever so they can never leave?" and LQ was like "totes, I feel you". Ling Qi is deeply driven by that desire for companionship. To never be alone.
"That is your view? Unexpected," Diao Linqin said, her voice was the reverberation of the wind through the flowers now. "I see you are no less grasping for another year's cultivation."
Ling Qi almost ducked her head, a denial on her lips but… The Prime Minister was right. She wasn't any less greedy. The lesson she had taken from Zeqing was that you had to take into account more than your own desires. People weren't dolls to be collected. "I will not be alone again."
And so Linqin comments upon the fundamental conflict that LQ faces in her awkwardness with relationships. To some degree, she Wants to have the same level of relationship that Linqin has achieved. Yet she also fears it. She cannot give up control or vulnerability. Perhaps she cannot trust her friends in her heart because she cannot trust herself...
"Different," said the Prime Minister. "The poison you drank deep from was isolation. You cannot give yourself to another, and so they cannot give themselves to you. Instead, 'Sister'. Can you even imagine something closer, I wonder? Even now, you hold tightly but always at a distance...
So, to wrap up these initial points: in Linqin's close relationship to Shenhua, Ling Qi sees the companionship she both craves yet fears. She is driven by the desire for friendship, yet due to her trauma cannot bring herself to surrender any control. We may see in this, perhaps, an echo of her conversations with Meizhen last year - she wants the way Meizhen makes her feel safe, likes being able to rely on her protection... that was probably actually the most intimate conversation she's had with any of her friends actually? Yet, of course, no amount of protection can surpress Ling Qi's drive to be the best, her frustration at being weaker than others. Self-reliance is her watchword, and so she is torn...
But then we have the continuation, where things take an odder turn. "giving without asking... Think more of yourself". On the face of it, this leads to a strange misreading of Ling Qi's character. She is not, after all, someone who dedicates herself to others - 90% of her time is dedicated to herself and the acquisition of personal power. She can be generous in a culturally notable way, yet mostly in ways that do not cost her anything significant. And by supporting her friends, she gains, and has gained, much. Strong allies, medical support, assistance against enemies like Renshu, cultivation support, formations assistance, training, resources... At a practical level her actions are arguably simply practical and prosocial - and perhaps this is notable when you're surrounded by selfish assholes, but nothing beyond that.
... Even now, you hold tightly but always at a distance, a support, giving without asking. A painful sight. Think more of yourself. ...
However, we should, perhaps, consider the context of this conversation.
It is not about the practical. It is about the emotional. And that's an area where LQ arguably does do a lot more work, and that we do stress out over. One could see it, perhaps, as a commentary on our problems managing social actions and minors. Of course, a challenge to this would be that we still don't let it impinge too much on our cultivation and personal progress. Though this does make us then worry about whether or not Xiulan's going to set herself on fire this week if we aren't watching over her
(it's a coin toss let's be honest). And there are regularly concerns about having too many friends to juggle - though I think one should also note here that this is a constraint of the quest format as much as anything.
At the same time, is it true that LQ doesn't get emotional support from her friends to the same degree? Certainly it's true that she could open up to them more - but at the same time she's also really bad about opening up to herself and actually reflecting on her actions and feelings. Sixiang's basically her emotional support friend and honestly LQ should be more considerate of them. And she has still gone to her friends for support. Meizhen's probably the one she's had the most heartfelt conversations with, and she did go to her after King of the Forest. Similarly, she's tried to talk to Renxiang about marriage concerns...
... In many ways one kind of feels that her problem here is that she keeps going to literally the wrong people to talk about different concerns. Renxiang's literally the worst friend to talk to about marriage and friendship issues. Meizhen would probably be better there, but it would be super awkward. Meizhen is literally the worst person to talk to about ethical issues and guilt, because such concepts are alien to her. She should probably be talking to Suyin and Su Ling about that since they all have issues with believing that they're bad people and flagellating themselves over it.
So I dunno, this is an interesting question to debate in the context of LQ's issues around intimacy and emotional support. But one should be careful not to over-exaggerate it because LQ is hardly
that selfless.
And then we have the stinger, where we jump to the idea of "empathy without limits". On its own, it does perhaps serve as a vague warning about possible paths... and yet, it's presented as the concluding point here, which gives it emphasis despite empathy not really being LQ's issue here.
... Empathy without limits can be a terrible thing."
And Ling Qi then proceeds to fixate on that specific point. Is this, perhaps, avoidance of the issues around intimacy that she is loathe to actually address in any fashion? An unconscious deflection? Now, Ling Qi connects this to her desire to be a better person, and this agains highlights an important part of her character: the way she sees selfishness and not caring about others as her key flaw. The reason she's a bad person who would, if pushed, throw friends under the bus. And yet this is taken even further than just her concerns about how to be a good friend, and how her relationships with them work, moving even further from our starting point.
"I do not see how this is so," Ling Qi said carefully. "I… want to be better. I understand that people are connected, even if you care for only a few like me, those fews connections branch out in turn. Empathy is how you understand this, isn't it?"
And so we move on to the big empathy lesson, which is given substantial emphasis and appears to lead to the lesson that she shouldn't make too many friends? That she needs to be more selfish? Which is all odd because she doesn't have that many friends, and she, as we've discussed, is hardly selfless...
One interesting reading suggested by
@AbeoLogos is that Diao Linqin here is actually trying to push us away from making friends too much with barbarians, and warning us about the conflicts this could bring to us. And I really like this reading actually - and even if it's not her main point it could easily be a secondary goal.
Perhaps another idea though is that we need to look more closely at the meaning of "selfishness". Perhaps LQ's real problem is not actually that she's too selfless, but rather how she moralises the idea of selfishness. That what she needs to do is stop beating herself up over the idea that she's selfish and greedy and a bad friend, and instead learn just appreciate her friendships
as friendships, and not something she needs to "deserve".
I still don't really see this as an empathy problem though. Ling Qi's issues with friendships, I feel, more stem from the opposite - she's too focused on herself and her judgement of her own character. Empathy is merely something she uses as a means to an end of proving to herself that she's a good person - and as long as she can act in a way that meets her ideas of what being a good person is, she'll often not really think about others.
"That conclusion is not wrong," Diao Linqin replied, the roses swarmed close, curling around her, examining. "But it is incomplete, you risk giving too much of yourself as you are. Let me show you why you should control your empathy."
...
It disappeared, Ling Qi heard her own ragged breathing and the prickling of tears in the corners of her eyes.
"That is the conclusion of the insight you have without temperance," Diao Linqin said, her voice even. Despite that Ling Qi felt she saw the briefest glimpse of a single tear rolling down a dark cheek. "Be more selfish, child, take as much as you give. Choose what lines of connection you trace, or be crushed by the weight of the world."
so yeah, I dunno. Thoughts. Possibly I'll have different readings tomorrow
