- Location
- Canada
- Pronouns
- He/Him
That Time I Became A Dictator Of A Small Asian Communist Nation
- Thread starter HeroCooky
- Start date
- Original
HeroCooky
Unverified Monstergirl
Listen, I am the "Funny Word Person" and you are the questers.
If you wish to attempt creating bull mecha for agriculture and shark mecha to bite submarines in the ass from a realistic angle...
Dear God, please, please, go for that!
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- Location
- SEAsia
- Pronouns
- Thou
If you insist.
@CyberEnby certain parties in the military would like to request that you modify your sub to launch actual sharks. Barring that, that you shape your torpedoes into shark lookalikes.
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..... so, @CyberEnby, what will you be be naming the eventual fish mech design? The great White? The Deinosuchus, if it is a strictly shallow water design? Or perhaps some other great extinct beast which we will be recreating?
@abominable How many mouths does that thing have! THis is not what anyone meant when increasing jaw strength!
- Location
- SEAsia
- Pronouns
- Thou
How else are we supposed to deploy the internal cannons?
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Honestly, I think we actually need to hold off on submarines for now. We first need to modernize and rebuild our Iron Reef defence system. We need to design and deploy anti-submarine rockets, anti-ship ballistic missiles, undersea SOSUS lines for detecting transiting ships and subs, CAPTOR torpedoes, on-shore signal processing and distributed networked control systems, etc. Those will likely be more cost effective than making submarines or ships. Likewise for our air defence system: import Soviet missiles and RADARs, mount them on mech platforms, and off we go. If we make out defence system mobile, and combine that with the fact that they don't need roads because they're mechs, then any attempt to invade us is going to go... not well for the invaders even if they somehow manage to get a beachhead.
We can also look towards the tactics the Iranians use against the US navy today - with speedboat swarms threatening much larger and more powerful ships, so a surface Navy is perhaps not the worst thing to invest in, on second though.
By the way! In 1962 Pyotr Ufimitsev published a book titled Method of Edge Waves in the Physical Theory of Diffraction, which went on to be come the basis for RADAR stealth research in the West. If someone wants to write a omake about soem from Guanchou reading it and realizing the implications, that might open up stealth research for us. I can see us use it on our surface navy especially!
Edit: @HeroCooky, to clarify, are civilian mechs cheaper than wheeled civilian vehicles the same way military ones are cheaper than tanks?
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HeroCooky
Unverified Monstergirl
Eeeh... *waggles hand* I'd need to decide on a case-by-case basis, but in general, not for now.
The most basic and stripped down version would have, to an extent, the same speed/capacity as WCV's, with a higher fuel-efficiency.
The cost, at the moment, would be more due to sunk-cost. You already have the factories for trucks, but not so much for civilian Iron Tigers.
The real value for us is for building CITs that fill roles of equipment we have to import.
A Letter For the Dad that Must Die!
Magoose
SV's Questing Fanatic
- Location
- California USA
- Pronouns
- He
A Letter For the Dad that Must Die!
Dear Beloved and Venerable Father
Dear Gene Doner and otherwise Horrible Asshole of a Man, whom I have the unfortunate problem of being related to.
It is me, the daughter you tried to marry off to secure your own power and utterly failed to take into consideration, not only my wants and needs, but of the effects, my absence will have on the State.
I took Ma Tang, yes you remember her, infantry woman, on her way to becoming a Colonel before I left to marry her. A Loyal officer has stolen away from the State because of my love for her because you couldn't accept that I can make my own choices. Your lust for power was so insatiable that the very thought of losing a pawn in your game.
You know of the reputation I've gained from my numerous adventures after I left, that mission to Africa and Vietnam... and my little escapade in the Chinese Rebellion in Tibet.
Oh, I'm sure you would love to hear about that, in fact, I shall in writing, just to rub it into your face that you failed, and soon you will die.
but first, I would like to reminisce for a second. You know what your favorite phrase to me was. I'm sure you don't, but those words echo in my head all too clearly. Be Thankful. Thankful for the dress that you most certainly could not afford, even with all your friends. Thankful for the etiquette teacher. Thankful for the delicacies on my plate. I was just a dress-up doll for you, and you got me so many of the finer things that I never enjoyed.
But I never wondered where you got it from. I was never curious about those late-night messengers. I never asked about how you were able to get such a well-known Chinese socialite. I never wondered how you were able to afford it all. I just knew that I was in a dollhouse and that I was no doll of yours.
I chaffed to become a soldier, and I remember the venom you spat at me when I showed you the papers, and yes, I remember the hot iron your hit me with. It doesn't hurt anymore. It never did.
And you saw my skills and attempted to use them to further your position. This was not to be, because if you had paid attention, you would have known all the things in my life. My love, my skills, my want to leave and see the world.
I was not going to be a trophy.
I've wondered a little bit. I never meant for this letter just to be a chance to reminisce.
And I certainly won't it let it just be a way to convey just how much I loathe you. No, You know I wish you dead. This letter isn't for that purpose.
See, Tibet opened my eyes father. I learned such interesting things from some of my fellow Tibetan rebels about you. Because it was never really your success that supported our family, was it? I heard about the mining investments, originally made by comrade Deng Yongliang. How did you describe him again? A family friend and useful pawn? I remember attending his funeral when I was 5. How is it that he was signing off investments just 2 years ago in Tibet? and with Money we've never had?
Also, tell me about your new friend Lu Han? There were so many letters between you two. You promised him so much. Could you explain what you meant by the need to starve/kill a certain amount of citizens to leave evidence of a local rebellion? Do you mind explaining where 100 million Yuan went? It certainly doesn't look like you spent a penny here. In fact, from these letters, it looks like most of the money went back into Han's pocket, with the rest going to you? I even found official letters from our glorious leader about how he had the utmost faith in this project... but I don't believe anyone but you ever looked at these letters?
You know, the last time I spoke to you, I said I that You did nothing for me to be thankful for. Those were prescient words, weren't they? Because you never did anything here? You made all of your money by specifically doing nothing. And I am so grateful you are at home reading this. I am so grateful that you are reading it a day after my message is delivered in the Chinese mainland. I am so glad you are reading it a night after this message has crossed our glorious leader's desk. But most of all, I am so glad you are reading this after I let every member that was part of your secret escape plan know that you will now be penniless.
Please, be thankful for all your efforts. Be thankful for your nothing. For you shall receive the proper reward for such an accomplishment. I can only imagine what you will be given after 20 years of such important service.
And if a pig like you ever wonders why I asked them to drag it out, then let me remind you who you buried with your fists.
From:
The Mighty Mercenary Lord of Man, She Who Conquered the Desert and Commander of the Armies. AKA Lord of Generals or Just Lord, Li Mei!
So Me and @Anon500 decided to have a good deal of fun.
Plus, I felt like wanting to murder that dear old dad.
Plus it was really funny to come up with.
@HeroCooky we hope that this is funny.
Dear Gene Doner and otherwise Horrible Asshole of a Man, whom I have the unfortunate problem of being related to.
It is me, the daughter you tried to marry off to secure your own power and utterly failed to take into consideration, not only my wants and needs, but of the effects, my absence will have on the State.
I took Ma Tang, yes you remember her, infantry woman, on her way to becoming a Colonel before I left to marry her. A Loyal officer has stolen away from the State because of my love for her because you couldn't accept that I can make my own choices. Your lust for power was so insatiable that the very thought of losing a pawn in your game.
You know of the reputation I've gained from my numerous adventures after I left, that mission to Africa and Vietnam... and my little escapade in the Chinese Rebellion in Tibet.
Oh, I'm sure you would love to hear about that, in fact, I shall in writing, just to rub it into your face that you failed, and soon you will die.
but first, I would like to reminisce for a second. You know what your favorite phrase to me was. I'm sure you don't, but those words echo in my head all too clearly. Be Thankful. Thankful for the dress that you most certainly could not afford, even with all your friends. Thankful for the etiquette teacher. Thankful for the delicacies on my plate. I was just a dress-up doll for you, and you got me so many of the finer things that I never enjoyed.
But I never wondered where you got it from. I was never curious about those late-night messengers. I never asked about how you were able to get such a well-known Chinese socialite. I never wondered how you were able to afford it all. I just knew that I was in a dollhouse and that I was no doll of yours.
I chaffed to become a soldier, and I remember the venom you spat at me when I showed you the papers, and yes, I remember the hot iron your hit me with. It doesn't hurt anymore. It never did.
And you saw my skills and attempted to use them to further your position. This was not to be, because if you had paid attention, you would have known all the things in my life. My love, my skills, my want to leave and see the world.
I was not going to be a trophy.
I've wondered a little bit. I never meant for this letter just to be a chance to reminisce.
And I certainly won't it let it just be a way to convey just how much I loathe you. No, You know I wish you dead. This letter isn't for that purpose.
See, Tibet opened my eyes father. I learned such interesting things from some of my fellow Tibetan rebels about you. Because it was never really your success that supported our family, was it? I heard about the mining investments, originally made by comrade Deng Yongliang. How did you describe him again? A family friend and useful pawn? I remember attending his funeral when I was 5. How is it that he was signing off investments just 2 years ago in Tibet? and with Money we've never had?
Also, tell me about your new friend Lu Han? There were so many letters between you two. You promised him so much. Could you explain what you meant by the need to starve/kill a certain amount of citizens to leave evidence of a local rebellion? Do you mind explaining where 100 million Yuan went? It certainly doesn't look like you spent a penny here. In fact, from these letters, it looks like most of the money went back into Han's pocket, with the rest going to you? I even found official letters from our glorious leader about how he had the utmost faith in this project... but I don't believe anyone but you ever looked at these letters?
You know, the last time I spoke to you, I said I that You did nothing for me to be thankful for. Those were prescient words, weren't they? Because you never did anything here? You made all of your money by specifically doing nothing. And I am so grateful you are at home reading this. I am so grateful that you are reading it a day after my message is delivered in the Chinese mainland. I am so glad you are reading it a night after this message has crossed our glorious leader's desk. But most of all, I am so glad you are reading this after I let every member that was part of your secret escape plan know that you will now be penniless.
Please, be thankful for all your efforts. Be thankful for your nothing. For you shall receive the proper reward for such an accomplishment. I can only imagine what you will be given after 20 years of such important service.
And if a pig like you ever wonders why I asked them to drag it out, then let me remind you who you buried with your fists.
From:
The Mighty Mercenary Lord of Man, She Who Conquered the Desert and Commander of the Armies. AKA Lord of Generals or Just Lord, Li Mei!
Plus, I felt like wanting to murder that dear old dad.
Plus it was really funny to come up with.
@HeroCooky we hope that this is funny.
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HeroCooky
Unverified Monstergirl
[] Wei Jungmin; The Trusting
[] Wei Jungmin; The Idealistic
[] Wei Jungmin; The Vindictive
Magoose
SV's Questing Fanatic
- Location
- California USA
- Pronouns
- He
Last edited:
Wacky adventure of an old man Mingsu P2. The nature of loyalty.
- Location
- Moscow, Russia
Omake. Wacky adventure of an old man Mingsu P2.
The nature of loyalty.
}•=•{ ^_^ °¥° ∆×∆
Old man Mingsu had not a single shed of love for stairs and tall buildings. Going down from the mountain vilage (more of a big hill for those living near the Everest) was some hard work with some extensive planning put into it. He was old, his body was scarred and he didn't have a leg. But such is life. When you want to achieve something greater than yourself you mast go through hardships to do so, stairs won't stop him, when artillery fire didn't. All the important work for the moment was done for Mingsu, patriots, loyal agents, unknowingly cooperating idiots in the enemy side all received their instructions, either they failed or they succeed in most cases both outcomes would be beneficial to the cause. News are traveling slow because of need for secrecy, deniability or security of information network. Now nothing depended on old Mingsu, just as he wanted to. He could have waited a little longer with some of the assignments, to make sure of beneficial results, but that would ultimately be a waste of his time. And he have little left.
So, with some preplanned free time on his plate he was going to perform duty of oll old people - scold youngsters and remind them of good old times when the grass was greener, Men could kill forty capitalists with bare hands, children were born ready to take weapons and all that other beautiful stuff. And then explain how horrible existence of those things actually was, that grass was greener because of chemical weapons, men had to kill forty enemies by themselves without weapons because all their comrades were dead and they had no weapons to fight with and children had to take up arms because there were no one but themselves to protect their life.
Old age demands of him to share lessons of his life, but intellect and comunism ideology demand of him to deny any false nostalgia, but to provide only hard and harsh truths. Because he and his comrades are building the future, and it will be better than the past. It must be. The results of his work and that of all comrades can be seen with naked eyes. If current times are already so much better than that horrible past, how beautiful the future will be? It's a shame that his fr...
He forcibly stopped this chain of thoughts. Those type of melancholic observations of his past and present became more frequent lately, distractions from his work, obstacles essentially, taking away the time he could spend improving himself, others or preparing from the future by making him forget for the moment current reality and facts. He was going to die soon, he had no time to waste, neither his own, not those under him.
Reality was, that he transported himself using preplanned route into a small fishing village. Not the one Suri Aio used, not the one where cat food was, or new toys, no. Those things actually haven't happened in any fishing villages of this country, that would be far to risky. Yet this fishing village contained someone of importance nonetheless. This village was actually a center where several important roads, be they by the ground, river or sea, crossed. That created an opportunity to place a whisper catcher there. Analyst of information, commander of the part of the group. To share some lessons and for other pourposes Mingsu decided to visit her. So that he won't disturb her work, by making her move to the village in the mountains, because she was needed there.
Mingsu entered the house on the outskirt of village and there she were - De Shonghu.
She smiled to him kindly, but with a hidden mischief.
- Grandfather! I didn't know you was going to visit! I would prepare some Bolshevik's Borscht if I knew!
Mingsu smiled to the poorly hidden jest.
- Two boys, Fisher with nets up the river and worker fixing the broken chicken house, the one made of red bamboo. Did I get them all?
De Shonghu laughed quietly.
- What are you talking about old man? I don't know any of those people. Your old age must be getting you, for those people were surely there by complete happenstance.
Mingsu could only smile in return. He mast have missed one or two. No surprise, his eyesight was far worse than when he was young. But smile soon vanished from his face. De Shonghu was a smart girl, no she is already 25, smart woman. But her loyalty was... This dialogue was going to be hard for her.
- Well then, Shonghu. That made me wonder, those people, how do you have their loyalty, and how much do you know about loyalty?
Young woman cringed her face.
- I used the methods you gave to me and my own that I already reported to you. But I see that it's going to be one of your long lectures anyway, so why won't you just go on with it?
Mingsu could only laugh to that snark. He did well, educating her. Still he could... No matter. Work with what is, not what could have been.
- You cheeky brat. Wery well then. As I told you before, loyalty is essentially - trust. Trust that the person can fulfill their promise. Either promise of threat, that you use against those posessing threat to your goals and those promises you back up with power you have over your enemy or in general. Or promise of achieving something greater, those promises are for those you want to follow you, that type of promise is relying on your skills wisdom and previous achievement. And finally promises of common goal, those promises are to those you want to work with you, that one relying on understanding of your goals and those of your possible comrade. All methods are relying on understanding yourself and those whose loyalty, or trust you wish to have.
Mingsu stopped his speech to catch some breath. De Shonghu was not amused, Mingsu already told her all that, he was repeating himself and old man hated doing that. Was it.. Noticing change of expression of a young woman kind grandfather forced himself to continue.
- I want you to remember that, so you could use it for yourself. And more importantly, for purpose I have not informed any other about, so you could judge fairly who is worthy of your loyalty.
De Shonghu's eyes opened slightly more in shock.
- You don't mean the..
Old man quickly interrupted her:
- Not the current one. At least not now. He is doing good job, though some of his actions make me suspicious of him, but no. I am more worried about those who will follow after he will step down. But keeping an eye never hurt anyone.
The room became silent. Far away noises from the outside and bright light of the day were a stark contrast to the dark things mentioned right now. De Shonghu was not disagreeing neither in expression nor in a lack of any, she was just thinking, analysing things said just now. Mingsu could not relax yet still, for now was the time of hard thing of the day. He made some mistakes in rising this brilliant woman, he knew how she is going to react. But it had to be done. He began to take out a big tight stack of papers from his coat.
- Loyalty, or trust, goes both ways. And I trust you, I believe in you. You will be able to continue my work, more truthfully, part of it for now.
De Shonghu's expression became glassy.
- That is why, I am giving you that vital information. With those-
- no
- documents you will have much more direct power over some resources-
- stop
- And influence over certain people. That would help you to take over-
- Stop It! You are lying! You are in a great shape! You are the same as you was twenty years ago! So stop with that nonsense, with one of your usual test! I don't believe-
- DE SHONGHU!!
Old man's face was blazing with anger. Woman in front of him was shaking, but not in fear. She was trying to contain tears. Mingsu made a mistake when he was rising her. She loved him, believed in his strength far too much. That is why he had to travel there. To prepare her for that eventuality, not to let her face it without any preparation. His voice became softer, but with unmistakable determination through it.
- I am bound to the death. It will happen soon. I want you to be ready for it Shonghu. You will not be the only one to inherent my work, there are four of you. You must know them, and if you don't, you will meet at my grave bearing special symbols that are described in a file.
Shonghu lifted her redening face.
- Artillery fire couldn't kill you, explosions, world War, chemical weapons why-
- Time wait for no one.
Silence stretched between the two only to be broken by Mingsu once again.
- Instructions are on papers. Now, let us talk about the good work you have done for the past year. Perhaps I can give you some advice still.
And they talked for the rest of the day. Many moments were discussed, many advice was given. It was a productive meeting, great things would come out of it. But for the rest of it, De Shonghu haven't smiled once.
Comes morning, Old Man Mingsu began his ascend back to the village in the mountains. The weather was beautiful, sunny skies with a fleeing clouds to provide come shade. The Time was moving on.
___
Still would like some feedback
The nature of loyalty.
}•=•{ ^_^ °¥° ∆×∆
Old man Mingsu had not a single shed of love for stairs and tall buildings. Going down from the mountain vilage (more of a big hill for those living near the Everest) was some hard work with some extensive planning put into it. He was old, his body was scarred and he didn't have a leg. But such is life. When you want to achieve something greater than yourself you mast go through hardships to do so, stairs won't stop him, when artillery fire didn't. All the important work for the moment was done for Mingsu, patriots, loyal agents, unknowingly cooperating idiots in the enemy side all received their instructions, either they failed or they succeed in most cases both outcomes would be beneficial to the cause. News are traveling slow because of need for secrecy, deniability or security of information network. Now nothing depended on old Mingsu, just as he wanted to. He could have waited a little longer with some of the assignments, to make sure of beneficial results, but that would ultimately be a waste of his time. And he have little left.
So, with some preplanned free time on his plate he was going to perform duty of oll old people - scold youngsters and remind them of good old times when the grass was greener, Men could kill forty capitalists with bare hands, children were born ready to take weapons and all that other beautiful stuff. And then explain how horrible existence of those things actually was, that grass was greener because of chemical weapons, men had to kill forty enemies by themselves without weapons because all their comrades were dead and they had no weapons to fight with and children had to take up arms because there were no one but themselves to protect their life.
Old age demands of him to share lessons of his life, but intellect and comunism ideology demand of him to deny any false nostalgia, but to provide only hard and harsh truths. Because he and his comrades are building the future, and it will be better than the past. It must be. The results of his work and that of all comrades can be seen with naked eyes. If current times are already so much better than that horrible past, how beautiful the future will be? It's a shame that his fr...
He forcibly stopped this chain of thoughts. Those type of melancholic observations of his past and present became more frequent lately, distractions from his work, obstacles essentially, taking away the time he could spend improving himself, others or preparing from the future by making him forget for the moment current reality and facts. He was going to die soon, he had no time to waste, neither his own, not those under him.
Reality was, that he transported himself using preplanned route into a small fishing village. Not the one Suri Aio used, not the one where cat food was, or new toys, no. Those things actually haven't happened in any fishing villages of this country, that would be far to risky. Yet this fishing village contained someone of importance nonetheless. This village was actually a center where several important roads, be they by the ground, river or sea, crossed. That created an opportunity to place a whisper catcher there. Analyst of information, commander of the part of the group. To share some lessons and for other pourposes Mingsu decided to visit her. So that he won't disturb her work, by making her move to the village in the mountains, because she was needed there.
Mingsu entered the house on the outskirt of village and there she were - De Shonghu.
She smiled to him kindly, but with a hidden mischief.
- Grandfather! I didn't know you was going to visit! I would prepare some Bolshevik's Borscht if I knew!
Mingsu smiled to the poorly hidden jest.
- Two boys, Fisher with nets up the river and worker fixing the broken chicken house, the one made of red bamboo. Did I get them all?
De Shonghu laughed quietly.
- What are you talking about old man? I don't know any of those people. Your old age must be getting you, for those people were surely there by complete happenstance.
Mingsu could only smile in return. He mast have missed one or two. No surprise, his eyesight was far worse than when he was young. But smile soon vanished from his face. De Shonghu was a smart girl, no she is already 25, smart woman. But her loyalty was... This dialogue was going to be hard for her.
- Well then, Shonghu. That made me wonder, those people, how do you have their loyalty, and how much do you know about loyalty?
Young woman cringed her face.
- I used the methods you gave to me and my own that I already reported to you. But I see that it's going to be one of your long lectures anyway, so why won't you just go on with it?
Mingsu could only laugh to that snark. He did well, educating her. Still he could... No matter. Work with what is, not what could have been.
- You cheeky brat. Wery well then. As I told you before, loyalty is essentially - trust. Trust that the person can fulfill their promise. Either promise of threat, that you use against those posessing threat to your goals and those promises you back up with power you have over your enemy or in general. Or promise of achieving something greater, those promises are for those you want to follow you, that type of promise is relying on your skills wisdom and previous achievement. And finally promises of common goal, those promises are to those you want to work with you, that one relying on understanding of your goals and those of your possible comrade. All methods are relying on understanding yourself and those whose loyalty, or trust you wish to have.
Mingsu stopped his speech to catch some breath. De Shonghu was not amused, Mingsu already told her all that, he was repeating himself and old man hated doing that. Was it.. Noticing change of expression of a young woman kind grandfather forced himself to continue.
- I want you to remember that, so you could use it for yourself. And more importantly, for purpose I have not informed any other about, so you could judge fairly who is worthy of your loyalty.
De Shonghu's eyes opened slightly more in shock.
- You don't mean the..
Old man quickly interrupted her:
- Not the current one. At least not now. He is doing good job, though some of his actions make me suspicious of him, but no. I am more worried about those who will follow after he will step down. But keeping an eye never hurt anyone.
The room became silent. Far away noises from the outside and bright light of the day were a stark contrast to the dark things mentioned right now. De Shonghu was not disagreeing neither in expression nor in a lack of any, she was just thinking, analysing things said just now. Mingsu could not relax yet still, for now was the time of hard thing of the day. He made some mistakes in rising this brilliant woman, he knew how she is going to react. But it had to be done. He began to take out a big tight stack of papers from his coat.
- Loyalty, or trust, goes both ways. And I trust you, I believe in you. You will be able to continue my work, more truthfully, part of it for now.
De Shonghu's expression became glassy.
- That is why, I am giving you that vital information. With those-
- no
- documents you will have much more direct power over some resources-
- stop
- And influence over certain people. That would help you to take over-
- Stop It! You are lying! You are in a great shape! You are the same as you was twenty years ago! So stop with that nonsense, with one of your usual test! I don't believe-
- DE SHONGHU!!
Old man's face was blazing with anger. Woman in front of him was shaking, but not in fear. She was trying to contain tears. Mingsu made a mistake when he was rising her. She loved him, believed in his strength far too much. That is why he had to travel there. To prepare her for that eventuality, not to let her face it without any preparation. His voice became softer, but with unmistakable determination through it.
- I am bound to the death. It will happen soon. I want you to be ready for it Shonghu. You will not be the only one to inherent my work, there are four of you. You must know them, and if you don't, you will meet at my grave bearing special symbols that are described in a file.
Shonghu lifted her redening face.
- Artillery fire couldn't kill you, explosions, world War, chemical weapons why-
- Time wait for no one.
Silence stretched between the two only to be broken by Mingsu once again.
- Instructions are on papers. Now, let us talk about the good work you have done for the past year. Perhaps I can give you some advice still.
And they talked for the rest of the day. Many moments were discussed, many advice was given. It was a productive meeting, great things would come out of it. But for the rest of it, De Shonghu haven't smiled once.
Comes morning, Old Man Mingsu began his ascend back to the village in the mountains. The weather was beautiful, sunny skies with a fleeing clouds to provide come shade. The Time was moving on.
___
Still would like some feedback
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What happens in the man that believes his country will someday pull off the impossible and go to space learns of this? What happens when a man who believes in believes that we can achieve amazing things together learns about a betrayal in the name of selfishness?
Ughhh. This decision ripped me up. Both me and Magoose would like to know just what we just chose to happen HeroCooky
- Location
- Moscow, Russia
I like your work, so there is that. We can still achieve tose dreams, it's a quest not the actual history of the world.
Thank you.
and yes, I may be being a bit much.... I helped write an omake... and then forgot to press the off button for being melodramatic
Seriously, give it a few minutes before I recognize those lines as cringe.
- Location
- Moscow, Russia
Maybe. But that's a letter from an angry child basically. So it's working.Thank you.
and yes, I may be being a bit much.... I helped write an omake... and then forgot to press the off button for being melodramatic
Seriously, give it a few minutes before I recognize those lines as cringe.
Any criticism on my second or first one? They are just a bit higher.
I enjoyed it. It really fleshed out these characters. The start was really good, with the old man being able to be properly introspective, even if he was talking about the good old days.
However, the end... The passing of the torch... The attempted refusal..... You could feel the emotion there.
There is one thing I thing you could do to help the flow, which is just some basic formatting (and yeah, I totally understand just putting up what you have rather than obseessing over fiddly details like format). Honestly, I suggest it here since it could really be helpful to the ending. If you set up the earlier paragraphs to be properly spaced apart from each other, the constant cut offs at the end would really heighten the emotion more. I liked what you wrote, and I'm just suggesting this change, because I know it could improve the impact of that ending.
I really the character's you've written though.
- Location
- Moscow, Russia
That is actually pretty hard to do from the phone. What do you suggest. Some bigger breaks between dialogues and descriptions?
Ed
Edited some.
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HeroCooky
Unverified Monstergirl
Wei Jungmin, Great Leader, Father of Five, the man that is overseeing the greatest crisis currently on the planet, has recieved a letter.
One where, among many other things, a titanic scandal of corruption, treason, treachery, and more is laid bare.
He is a man that trusts people, who believes that, if all work together, the impossible will become possible. A man that doesn't suffer the fool gladly.
And he has been notified of a parasite within the nation, one that could sink their relationship with China, that stabbed communism in the back for selfish gains, where murder became a tool, and then a way of life.
You do not have any concentration camps anymore.
But he?
He does not need a camp.
[] +2 to any Social Rolls
[] +2 to any Political Rolls
Basically what Anon500 said. My biggest gripe was grammar, but nothing that would make it unreadable.
So your edits handled most of my concerns.
My only suggestion is for everything between these two lines: "He began to take out a big tight stack of papers from his coat." "Old man's face was blazing with anger."
Basically, for these lines, don't add in the extra line break between each dialogue. In addition, add a dash to the end of every line that is interrupted by De Shonghu. Doing that should make the back and forth feel quicker, and make the interruptions more obvious. You want a frantic feel to this exchange.
That's just really nitpicky stuff though. The dialogue already does 95% of the work. Honestly, just adding the extra line breaks (Which I know is tough to do on a phone) was most of the work for improving this omake, since it improved the readability and flow of the omake.
Edit: @HeroCooky, I just want to say I love how you improvised the lines in my post. You combined and elevated all of that into something worthy of our great leader. I really do like the declaration you've made there.
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Since the Americans saw the ITs via black bird already we could use one to kick in the door for the arrest.
Magoose
SV's Questing Fanatic
- Location
- California USA
- Pronouns
- He
I still think the Glorious leader is just going to kick the door on this guy, send him down to the volcano and eviscerate him via lava!
That's the only reasonable response to a guy that just committed treason on this scale.
- Location
- Moscow, Russia
[X] +2 to any Political Rolls
Still that one. Organization is working on external threats still. This bit was about logistics of information, analysis, ideological fight, problems with health care and transportation for people with severe trauma, including veterans of wars and possible assassination of our great leader if he will fail some important expectations of certain radical old man or his followers.
About grammar. English is not my first or even the third language. Менің алғашқы ана тілім-орыс тілі, екіншісі-Қазақ тілі. Ես որոշ ժամանակ Հայերեն եմ սովորել։ So I would be grateful for any correction.
Did some editing.
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- Location
- Poland
Did they? Last I checked NATO was just unnerved by our lack of the typical saber rattling. Or did something change since I last paid attention?
- Location
- SEAsia
- Pronouns
- Thou
Cue transition to hero opening music and suiting up to reveal MC as a communist superhero who fights bad guys and capitalists at night…