They're magic though? Just enchant the box or envelope to only open under certain conditions. "To this recipient", "with this (provided to buyer) code", and self-destruct if tampered with. Maybe put a tracker on it to note when each parcel was opened or destroyed to help with insurance claims.

You could probably bypass that with a sufficiently skilled magic user but, really, how many of those are out there vs how many scalpers?

As for "legitimate" scalping, limits of X per buyer per time period, except say hospitals. You could get around that with fraudulent names, but then you just bought a self-destructing parcel.
You would quickly run into issues like "the hospital bought them, then the CEO of the hospital sold them at 100X the cost"
Annoyingly, I could see them doing so legitimately as a fundraising measure to buy needed items. Tripling down on this hypothetical, the reasons for needing those funds would probably be inherently corrupt or dumb.

Never underestimate the inherent corruption of large business and/or systems. Humans get bored really quickly and are impulsive without thought or care for the future.

my own suggestion would not stop them from being scalped. it only hopes to dis-incentivize it. And I 100% expect the scalpers cursed to resell at a lesser amount to buy more, sell more, get incredibly frustrated at not making money, try again a dozen more times in ever more outlandish and convoluted ways, go broke, take out loans, bankrupt themselves and others continuing to try and play the system, and then need the healing to fix a stress induced aneurism.
 
You are quite correct. And this is an issue that Jinx should be noticing soon. She and Al will have to do some brainstorming to come up with a solution and there's no guarantee that their answer will be the one that works best.

After all, that's still a problem that we on Earth are dealing with to this very day.

Eh. D&D 3.5 / Pathfinder RAW would let you use Craft Wondrous Item on software, or Craft Construct failing that. Detect Life and Magic Circle against Evil would probably provide a good basis against greedy assholes and bots made by / supporting them. Depending on if you can just copy the software as normal, you could then release that to the world at large to have supernatural scammer / scalper blocks over the entire Internet. Spam email a thing of the past.

... ... ... Goddamn this world needs magic.
 
... ... ... Goddamn this world needs magic.

For magic to truly thrive, the world needs stories to inspire the imagination.

Meta-wise, a lot of IRL fiction isn't mentioned in the DC-universe due to copyright or fear of lawsuits/litigation, but in some self-inserts the protagonist notices a dearth in literature, movies, and entertainment.

Alchemical Solutions LLC could post books and movies from other dimensions onto the internet or a peer-to-peer file sharing website, or at the very least have a "free little library" in his office waiting room where visitors can take/borrow whatever catches their interest.

Scene:
Alchemist: "For magic to truly thrive, the world needs stories to inspire the imagination."

DREAM: (nods in approval)

DEATH: (rolls eyes at Dream's "sudden" change of opinion) :eyeroll:
 
For magic to truly thrive, the world needs stories to inspire the imagination.

Meta-wise, a lot of IRL fiction isn't mentioned in the DC-universe due to copyright or fear of lawsuits/litigation, but in some self-inserts the protagonist notices a dearth in literature, movies, and entertainment.
-snip-
I actually meant Earth needs magic. I want magically potent spam / scam / clickboat / advert blocks. Bonus points if it comes with a popup that asks if I want to curse whoever made the attempt.
 
Al should really start up a local branch of Dolly Parton's Imagination Library, both for children and adults. Increase literacy, fire up people's imaginations, and spread The Word of Dolly™ to the larger multiverse. He could also see about purchasing a lot of video games from his system in bulk and sell those online.

Maybe he could set that up while he's purchasing up every square inch of Gotham so he can scoop all the cursed land, replace it all with Hallowed soil, and then destroy anything and everything left that even vaguely resembles extraplanar breaches or Sealed Evil in a Can™.
 
Last edited:
Al should really start up a local branch of Dolly Parton's Imagination Library, both for children and adults. Increase literacy, fire up people's imaginations, and spread The Word of Dolly™ to the larger multiverse. He could also see about purchasing a lot of video games from his system in bulk and sell those online.

I thought it'd be funny if Alchemist posted other-dimensional books online (P2P sites?) and various agencies like the CIA, FBI, MI-6, ARGUS, DEO, Checkmate, etc. had researchers look through them see if there were any hidden messages or memetic hazards, unintentionally helping Alchemist by spreading new stories throughout the DC-universe's collective subconscious (a.k.a. The Dreaming).
 
They're magic though? Just enchant the box or envelope to only open under certain conditions. "To this recipient", "with this (provided to buyer) code", and self-destruct if tampered with. Maybe put a tracker on it to note when each parcel was opened or destroyed to help with insurance claims.
Is it wrong I want to suggest a form of curse where "if I wish to sell this item, I am compelled to sell it for 1% less than I bought it for" and no effect other than that. like, the ability to use the item, and give the item without any effects. but to deliberately sell that item having a conceptual "cannot sell for more than what it was purchased for"
That is about the only way I think you could mess with capitalism unless they get magical backers helping.

That magic would cost way more than the ring itself, though. Which if nothing else would mean fewer rings produced--if you have to add four protective/tracking spells for every one regeneration spell, you're producing 1/5 the rings.
The first method quoted would just get the end buyers harassed and probably murdered. The second would just have people gifting rings and getting millions gifted back "unrelatedly".
And again, the insurance is only $250. Nobody is happy with that, especially not the shipping companies. They would probably wind up refusing to ship something that valuable effectively uninsired.

The problem with trying to prevent scalping and theft like this is you're going up against not only the invisible hand of the market, but the sum total of human ingenuity.
And unless you just wipe out humanity, that's a fight you're always going to lose.
Just sell it for a goddam fair price. That will actually fix all of these concerns (though you may need to have the purchaser/shipper pay for the insurance).
If you want to do something charity-like, just donate the money you make to charity. 100x easier, and 10 billion to charity would probably do way more good than healing 2000 people. Again, most people would rather have $5 million than a full-heal ring with a market value of 5 million. (This is the whole idea of "effective altruism".)
Alternatively, putting spellzone-like effects over hospitals would probably work better (e.g. everyone in this area gets fast healing 1). Let the hospital charge admission, and work through the existing insurance scam system where they charge insurance companies more than they do walk-ins.
(Pseudo-divine spells and attempts at magic-backed consecration to Asclepius/etc might be a way to do that?)
 
Last edited:
That magic would cost way more than the ring itself, though. Which if nothing else would mean fewer rings produced--if you have to add four protective/tracking spells for every one regeneration spell, you're producing 1/5 the rings.
The first method quoted would just get the end buyers harassed and probably murdered. The second would just have people gifting rings and getting millions gifted back "unrelatedly".
I'm not suggesting works of major artifice here. This isn't a DaVinci contraption. Alchemist at this point has Magic: Yes and Artifice: Probably; I would be astonished if he couldn't add the three requisite enchantments (detector, disintegrator, tracker) to a cardboard box with three finger snaps and a name tag.

As for the rest, that's a lot of effort and/or potential heat to deal with for an item you could just buy yourself. They have a website.

You can't prevent all possible avenues of crime, but you can absolutely make the legitimate offer a lot more tempting by comparison.

Also, don't scrawl "Alchemic Solutions" on the box, I guess. Boom, tracking who's even getting one of these rings becomes a huge pain in the ass.

The idea to prevent scalping isn't just to "prevent scalping", it's to prevent scalpers from buying up or outright stealing all the stock and artificially increasing its rarity. Scalping doesn't work if the stock refills fast enough that people can get their order in a relatively timely manner. But since Alchemist and Jinx aren't an entire factory complex unto themselves, that means limits of one or two per buyer, maybe a week at a time? You could buy yourself eight rings a month if you really felt you needed to. And preventing the stock they do make from being super easy to fall off the back of a truck.
 
Last edited:
For magic to truly thrive, the world needs stories to inspire the imagination.

Meta-wise, a lot of IRL fiction isn't mentioned in the DC-universe due to copyright or fear of lawsuits/litigation, but in some self-inserts the protagonist notices a dearth in literature, movies, and entertainment.

Alchemical Solutions LLC could post books and movies from other dimensions onto the internet or a peer-to-peer file sharing website, or at the very least have a "free little library" in his office waiting room where visitors can take/borrow whatever catches their interest.

Scene:
Alchemist: "For magic to truly thrive, the world needs stories to inspire the imagination."

DREAM: (nods in approval)

DEATH: (rolls eyes at Dream's "sudden" change of opinion) :eyeroll:


It occurred to me that Dream's imprisonment could be an in-universe justification for DC's lack of (IRL) fiction, with the king of dreams and stories confined and the Dreaming withering, there may have been less inspiration for works of fiction to be written.
On the flip side, some superheroes and villains (besides Wesley Dodds/The Sandman) may be the result of disordered dreams, as Delirium, Desire, and Despair moved to 'fill the gap' that Dream's absence left.
 
I'm not suggesting works of major artifice here. This isn't a DaVinci contraption. Alchemist at this point has Magic: Yes and Artifice: Probably; I would be astonished if he couldn't add the three requisite enchantments (detector, disintegrator, tracker) to a cardboard box with three finger snaps and a name tag.

As for the rest, that's a lot of effort and/or potential heat to deal with for an item you could just buy yourself. They have a website.

You can't prevent all possible avenues of crime, but you can absolutely make the legitimate offer a lot more tempting by comparison.

Also, don't scrawl "Alchemic Solutions" on the box, I guess. Boom, tracking who's even getting one of these rings becomes a huge pain in the ass.

The idea to prevent scalping isn't just to "prevent scalping", it's to prevent scalpers from buying up or outright stealing all the stock and artificially increasing its rarity. Scalping doesn't work if the stock refills fast enough that people can get their order in a relatively timely manner. But since Alchemist and Jinx aren't an entire factory complex unto themselves, that means limits of one or two per buyer, maybe a week at a time? You could buy yourself eight rings a month if you really felt you needed to. And preventing the stock they do make from being super easy to fall off the back of a truck.

It really is a matter of scale. One that Jinx, on her own, simply cannot fill.

And that will be an important lesson. For her and Alchemist alike.

The question then becomes what all needs to be done about it? Increasing cybersecurity is one avenue. Cloudflare, IP logging, sales limits and similar are all things that have been done in the real world with some measure of success.

After that, what else?

Adding further enchantments for the sake of security is possible, of course, and after a certain level of skill would be quite doable without an increase in time or magical investment. That explanation will come later in the story, however.

But the true crux of the issue is, as was said in the beginning, a matter of scale. Alchemic Solutions will need to grow beyond just two people to properly thrive and meet the demand for their product. Especially if those products are, by design, one-use only. But it will be somewhat difficult to expand given that, between Alchemist and Jinx having multiple specialties as well as perks and skills that multiply results, the two of them together are equal to a team of forty or so people.

That is, charging soul gems, repairing soul gems and then actually performing the enchanting.

Now, I do have an idea for a solution... but it would require tracking down and capturing magical cat people in an Instant Quest, and that would only be a stopgap until it's time to scale up further.
 
Moogles are also certifiably insane, or operating on their own fully separate kind of sanity from the rest of us. There are so many things that could go wrong with giving the bat kittens a foothold in your world.
 
Here I assumed Khajit. Afterall, they have the wares if you have the coin. And they operate on the ES system so can in theory naturally develop a lot of the helpful perks.
 
But the true crux of the issue is, as was said in the beginning, a matter of scale. Alchemic Solutions will need to grow beyond just two people to properly thrive and meet the demand for their product. Especially if those products are, by design, one-use only. But it will be somewhat difficult to expand given that, between Alchemist and Jinx having multiple specialties as well as perks and skills that multiply results, the two of them together are equal to a team of forty or so people.

That is, charging soul gems, repairing soul gems and then actually performing the enchanting.
Use the Simulacrum spell from Pathfinder 1st edition. Long cast time, but the copy lasts forever and while is half your level knows what you know. And could also cast Simulacrum to make further copies that are half again of their level. The the copies of copies at level 200 or 400 make stuff.
 
House elves would work, if you can overcome their conditioning, and likely magical compulsions built into their DNA.
 
Increasing cybersecurity is one avenue. Cloudflare, IP logging, sales limits and similar are all things that have been done in the real world with some measure of success.

CYBERSECURITY QUESTION: Does the Pathfinder spell "Protection from Technology" help against hacking? Does the spell's +2 resistance bonus on saving throws apply to making an opposed [Computer Use] check against an intruder/hacker?

Would it be smart to give Jinx's laptop a permanent "Protection from Technology" enchantment? As the provider of a valuable commodity, Jinx will likely be the target of spies and informants.

Alchemist already placed a permanent "Protection from Technology" enchantment on the Harlock's outer hull to provide a +2 deflection bonus to AC and a +2 resistance bonus on saving throws on attacks made or effects caused by technological objects and creatures with the robot subtype.

Now before you say "the Harlock has an OS from another dimension and doesn't have the same software architecture as DC-Earth's tech," remember that the DC-universe runs on comic book logic and super-hackers are relatively common, just look at Robin, Barbara Gordon, Lex Luthor, Felicity Smoak, etc. If anyone can hack extraterrestrial (extradimensional) technology, it's those smug chaos goblins.
 
As I've mentioned several times by now, Al and/or Jinx can craft self-resetting magical Wish traps that can make Wish traps to make items. Give all items in the chain an off switch and you gain an infinitely scaling way to make more and more (and more) of any item you want. Just make sure to keep all of the traps under proper security precautions to avoid filling the entire universe with the end result in a rapidly scaling von Neumann scenario.
 
But the true crux of the issue is, as was said in the beginning, a matter of scale.
I think a deeper issue here is about selecting the right product.

Pushing down the materials/enchanting cost of RoRs is not terribly meaningful if the cost of labor is 100x that cost. And (a) Alchemist and Jinx's skills are currently unique, and (b) if they were working for maximum profit they could demonstrably make millions per hour, which by opportunity cost sets a price for their labor.
(And equivalently, puts an opportunity cost floor on how much they could do charitably as (the most they could make per hour) * (the efficiency of a chosen charity at getting good done).)

Doing something with more equivalent materials and labor costs would generally be much more efficient. If there is a real requirement for being temporary, that likely means either increasing scale (e.g. a pulse of regeneration, possibly via many weak (fitting in soul gems) metamagic enchantments stacked on a normal regeneration, e.g. using the materia linking mechanism to connect regeneration to a harmless large-AoE ability) or increasing number of charges.

And if they're willing to ditch the temporary-only requirement, there's stuff like spellzones of healing put under hospitals, or various menhir-type things, ripping open a hole the plane of positive energy, incantations, Symbol of Healing + Permanency (probably works like Symbol of Death and is active forever) etc.
(If you're making single-use items you're losing one of the primary benefits of crafting over casting, that being that you invest capital now and get a permanent return.)

I suspect the real way to ramp up is using the many, many +skill effects pathfinder and other games offer to give enchanting skill boosts to some sort of trustworthy minions. D&D has strong cooperative crafting rules that should probably allow a hundreds of homunculi or animated objects to follow along with what Alchemist is doing (just get them treated as having the Cooperative Crafting feat somehow), though it's not clear how multiple systems of crafting and crafting boosting would interact.
(I'm not sure whether mindless creatures could aid/copy crafting, but animal intelligence ones certainly could under Pathfinder rules. There are also various ways to find trustworthy human hires (e.g. various means of detecting peoples' Skills and motivations), but you'd have to find some way to ensure their safety, probably starting with housing them onsite.)

Compared to making rings of regeneration, there are (a) better ways for them to spend their time to make money, and (b) better ways to spend their time to do good, e.g. doing the bloodline curse thing Alchemist used on those vampires, but casting Regeneration through it.
(There may be entirely better approaches for whatever their goal is than crafting.)
 
Last edited:
I, uh, wow. Is this a joke? Because, if not, It's kind of impressive being racist against a fantasy species of catpeople.

It's mostly a joke. The stereotype exists because a small, notable amount of Khajiit actually ARE thieving skooma addicts. Not a huge amount, but enough for the stereotype to exist. This is mainly because moon sugar is put in and on everything in Elsweyr and it's the base ingredient of skooma. The Khajiit love the stuff, and it's very difficult to quit an addiction to skooma. Some Khajiit also have an… interesting concept of personal property and what constitutes a fair transaction that is at odds with the rest of Tamriel.

Are the Khajiit inherently untrustworthy? Not really. At least they're nowhere near as bad as the damn elves!
 
Last edited:
Hmm. Alchemist has access to Star Trek tech, which means scanners and replicators. If he could produce magic items that the scanners can scan and the replicators can replicate, all he'd need to do would be to input energy and output product.
 
Hmm. Alchemist has access to Star Trek tech, which means scanners and replicators. If he could produce magic items that the scanners can scan and the replicators can replicate, all he'd need to do would be to input energy and output product.

I feel like using Star Trek replicators to mass-produce magical artifacts is some kind of heresy. That and it'd probably only work to produce the physical object and nothing else, since Star Trek replicators aren't really built to do magic. It'd probably require a comprehensive change to how a replicator functionally works, and at that point, why not just make something from scratch?
 
I feel like using Star Trek replicators to mass-produce magical artifacts is some kind of heresy. That and it'd probably only work to produce the physical object and nothing else, since Star Trek replicators aren't really built to do magic. It'd probably require a comprehensive change to how a replicator functionally works, and at that point, why not just make something from scratch?
It's entirely possible to replicate magic items via other magic items. And Star Trek tech is basically Clarke magic anyway. Perhaps all a scanner/replicator combo needs is a source of magic to charge the resulting reploid item with, and Alchemist has a ready source of such things in the form of the Final Fantasy crystals.

Or he could just use the trick I linked to above.
 
I don't think base star trek replicators could make magic items, but they could get you most of the way there. You would just need something to get you the rest of the way.

Liquid XP from Minecraft (Bottles o' Enchanting) and golems would probably work, and Alchemist's golems are chill enough that they would probably be okay with that job. Replicators getting it most of the way there, and the golems finishing it off.
 
Back
Top