What an interesting set of Rival Reports! Let's take a look at some of the highlights...
Black Hat Organization
[ ] Run "Advertisement" Program
Success
Did you know you buy from Black Hat? At least, that's what the telly-vision is saying. You watch in near disbelief as the ad plays on, showing you personally buying cakes from him, which personally infuriates you. How dare he! You didn't take four years of Home-Economics to have such slanderous lies told regarding you! Every cake your children have ever had stolen was from yours truly! Not only that, but that insidious hatter has even taken the likeness of numerous other villains and used them for marketing purposes as well! And you thought Eddy was villainous.
Trust Black Hat to commit fraud on this scale, and we can't really retaliate against it because it's freakin' Black Hat.
[ ] Recruit Nicole Waterson
Success
Dammit! Seriously a shame to lose Nicole to Black Hat, but it makes sense considering she canonically graduated from his school. I had a small hope of seeing Wattersons in our territory, but oh well...
[ ] Ambush Father
Failure
Commander Jasper's first defeat in the Gem-War was a humiliating one. Reports indicate that the strike on your convoy was not a regular confrontation; it had been a direct attack on YOU. She had personally seen you as a challenge to conquer, a tactical asset that had to be removed from the field at all costs. And she failed. You couldn't imagine how she was feeling. You, on the other hand, were left feeling pretty good.
Hahahahahaha~! Ahhh, it is
good to be this badass. PeridotQuest is absolutely
malding at losing that fight.
[ ] Assign Threat-Level
CRITICAL SUCCESS
It was an odd day when you received a letter bearing the symbol that you just barely knew belonged to that enigmatic Guild. When Sir Toasty brings in the mail and newspapers, you begin to wonder that perhaps you had finally gotten invited to this so-called exclusive club of soopervillains!
When you finally cut open the letter, it turns out that you have not been accepted into the Guild. You're steamed at the snub, but at least you've been given a threat rating. You're certified to be a 10. A 10 out of what? The paper is frustratingly vague on that, but it better be out of 10!
According to research, a Level 10 is the highest rating that the Guild can give out. And we didn't even need to go through a bunch of trials or anything. So this should add to our street cred. Not keen on joining up with them though; it will tank our rep with the government.
[ ] Present the Think-Tank
Success
It is with grand theatrics, and more then a little showboating, that Mandark has begun to reveal his latest project, the project he claims will change the world: The Think Tank. A collaboration of the brightest minds of a generation, working in tandem to build a new future for the world. Already he has begun to select a number of brilliant minds in the world, a select few that Mandark has chosen to work with, and while the exact persons he has chosen are unknown, rumors abound.
So, I want to offer an opportunity... if we can steal someone from Mandork's Think Tank, we absolutely
should. These should be some of the brainiest braniacs of the CN generation. The Test Sisters, Numbuh 2, Double D... who knows who'll be part of this collection of Learning heroes?
[ ] Recruit Mr. Bossman
Success
Mr. Boss has sent you a letter! A letter of resignation! It seems that he's found work as Chief Financial Officer over at Scam Co. It seems that with nothing left for him over here, he's moved on to greener pastures. How wonderful FOR HIM.
Buh-Bye, hope the door hits you on the way out. Don't come crying if you get fired.
[ ] Commission Propaganda
Success
"This time, on the daring adventures of… THE PATRIARCH! THE CANADIAN AVENGER! The silhouetted problem-solver, and his impeccable assistant Kaleidoscope, have found themselves deep within the dangers of the wide, open north, fighting the evil forces of Dr. Japser and her legion of Techni-colored Alien Invaders! In their latest escapade, the duo recently saved General Nonspecific from-"
Pffffft! This is hilarious, and I'm happy this exists. 'The Patrarch' is definitely cooler-sounding (and more nationalistic) than 'Father'. Also Izzy totally told them to call her 'Kalaidescope'. Wonder what Chris McClean thinks of Izzy getting more great PR through this cartoon?
[ ] Find Suitable Candidate for President
CRITICAL SUCCESS
It's been a very well kept secret that the actual president of the U.S. for the past hundred years, Ronald Reagan, has recently been caught in a time paradox and been ripped apart across space and time. Well, it was until they told you. You're a bit… stunned to say the least. However, they believe they have found an exceptional replacement, who is already wildly ahead in the preliminary polls. One I. M. Weasel has been topping the charts, and while many have criticized his idiotic running mate I. R. Baboon, his charming and well-spoken presence has been rapidly winning the public over.
So I had to be educated on who Weasel is... and the government
really lucked out. I.M.Weasel is literally the best of the best, all around good guy, and is great at literally everything he puts his mind to. Best of all, he won't have to suffer the collective world suddenly becoming idiots. He is at
incredible levels of competent. We should reach out to him next turn. I doubt he'd agree to be beholden to Mandy of all people.
Also, it's funny how Reagan got ganked due to the level of paradoxes needed to keep Cruel Network as they are.
McLean Productions
[ ] Begin Production of Total Drama: O' Canada
Success
Capitalizing on the foreign war effort, Chris has announced a new season that takes his campers out into the war-torn battlefields of the Gem-War. It seems that a good portion of his audience are treating his newest season as their news source, and that the Canadian public are surging in droves to watch in a sense of patriotism. It seems that this foray into more political matters has been a hit!
Typical McClean. The campers definitely won't appreciate having to deal with sudden gem attacks. But Chris won't care if they die, as long as they were eliminated beforehand...
Moltar Coast to Coast
[ ] Advertise for Mystery Celebrity
Success
It doesn't take a genius to figure out who that silhouette on Moltar's Mystery Guest Guess-who segment is. But Moltar certainly has made a field day out of it. While you haven't really even pinned the date yet, Moltar has already begun to crank up the news cycle, and begun hyping up a new "Very Popular" mystery guess that is to appear on his show! It's been helping his ratings quite a bit already. It also means that if you flake out, you'll have quite the egg on your face in the eyes of the public, which would be annoying. Almost enough to make sunny-side up 10x over!
Well, we were gonna do this anyways. This just ensured it. Hope he can lend us a ship to take to the moon. Or we can use our new Gem warship.
