FATHER QUEST - A Cartoon Network: Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest Cross Over
- Thread starter HellaCooltricks
- Start date
And you're winner is....
OPERATION: R . I . P . O . S . T . E . D
OPERATION: R . I . P . O . S . T . E . D
MrWealthman
Filthy Capitalist
- Location
- Deep in the piles of cash.
Time to get our ice cream back up and punish the ones who started this whole chain of events the KND!
I apologize for the poor image quality, im on mobile, but 2 new hero cards.
Lifeandlice
Practitioning side-character
- Location
- Usa
I'm not particularly sold on recruiting Spankulot even if the option comes up, for hopefully obvious reasons, though I cant deny his more beneficial attributes.
That Martial more than covers our needs outside of niche areas (where a unit with particular traits would perhaps cover better) or the unlikely chance we could stumble upon a strictly better unit, while his Occult would help free up Hex and Skips to flex their other useful stats if needs be (such as with our hopefully increased action economy or a unit being rendered unavailable for whatever reason.)
That Martial more than covers our needs outside of niche areas (where a unit with particular traits would perhaps cover better) or the unlikely chance we could stumble upon a strictly better unit, while his Occult would help free up Hex and Skips to flex their other useful stats if needs be (such as with our hopefully increased action economy or a unit being rendered unavailable for whatever reason.)
He is our only noncombat Martial better then Hex of the potential recruits, and a strong Occult user is also very useful.
Honestly, depending on the meeting I might enjoy recruiting him. At the very least I think we can get his... weirdness... turned at non-child heinied.
Ohmaigah
Man be Vibin
- Location
- Ask Carmen Sandiego or Waldo
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Those who do not Pay Father his Royalties for using his likeness in Comic Books are Very Naughty, And Suffer The Tooth Loosening Wrath of-
COUNT SLAPULOT
"Weaver" is to "Skitter" as "X" is to "Spankalot"
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Plus side, I bet he can't turn people into spank vampires with slap, so no need to worry about a outbreak, lol
I wonder if we can sell rebranding him to people as us moving past our more petty hatred of kids.
Also, since Father's power up form takes the form of a skin tight bodysuit + mask combo weirdly, imagine how funny it'll be if Daphne's recruitment involves her unmasking us. It'll be nostalgic if nothing else.
I wonder if we can throw a barbecue and invite our guild assigned nemesis. He seems the type of man to Respect the sanctity of the grill
I wonder if we can sell rebranding him to people as us moving past our more petty hatred of kids.
Also, since Father's power up form takes the form of a skin tight bodysuit + mask combo weirdly, imagine how funny it'll be if Daphne's recruitment involves her unmasking us. It'll be nostalgic if nothing else.
I wonder if we can throw a barbecue and invite our guild assigned nemesis. He seems the type of man to Respect the sanctity of the grill
CoS:
Izzy on Treehouses (Variable)
-37+5+5+10+25+2=84
-At least an 85 on the score
Hank on Investors (80)
-21-5+23+4=43
-101-(80-43)=64%
Skips on Ice Cream (90)
-19+15+10+2=46
-101-(90-46)=57
-57%
B&W on Guild (65)
-27+24+3=54
-101-(65-54)=90
-90%
XXXL on Hard Light (70)
-19+31+3=53
-101-(70-53)=84
-84%
Hex on De-Hypnitize (60)
-15+28+4=47
-101-(60-47)=88
-88%
Izzy on Treehouses (Variable)
-37+5+5+10+25+2=84
-At least an 85 on the score
Hank on Investors (80)
-21-5+23+4=43
-101-(80-43)=64%
Skips on Ice Cream (90)
-19+15+10+2=46
-101-(90-46)=57
-57%
B&W on Guild (65)
-27+24+3=54
-101-(65-54)=90
-90%
XXXL on Hard Light (70)
-19+31+3=53
-101-(70-53)=84
-84%
Hex on De-Hypnitize (60)
-15+28+4=47
-101-(60-47)=88
-88%
Watch us inexplicably fail everything in total defiance of statistics.
Also, theme song for anytime Mr. Black and White get an Interlude:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-CG5w4YwOI
Dice gods, what have we done to offend you!?!?!
Lifeandlice
Practitioning side-character
- Location
- Usa
Nothing? We don't actually know our rolls as of yet, this is the Chance of Success. If anything it's actually pretty good looking.
TURN 6: RESULTS
[x] Plan: Operation R.I.P.O.S.T.E.D.
-[x] National Actions
--[x] ⚔️Cut Down KND Treehouses (Izzy)
DC VARIABLE
1d100 = [95] + 37 + 5 + 5 + 10 + 25 + 2 = 179
VS
1d100 = [97] + 20 + 19 + 5 = 141
SUCCESS
While Izzy personally has no particular vendetta against children, she knows a threat when she sees one and is more than happy to play the role of the world's most dangerous lumberjack alongside you.
One small problem though; it seems like the kids aren't quite done playing in their tree forts. For the first time in months, things almost feel… Normal. As you coordinate the attacks on the remaining tree houses, the KND remnants put up a courageous counter-offensive. With Izzy in your Slightly Less Super Yet Still Incredibly Dangerous Machine, the two of you and a crack squadron of newly dehypnotized Ice Cream Men put the squeeze on the rugrats, and what began as a determined defense on the KND's behalf quickly transforms into a desperate hold out as more and more KND agents were either forced to pull back or be buried under freezing piles of Tutti-Frutti and Rum Raisin: Pure poison for their unrefined palettes.
The battles begin to quickly turn in your favor as you begin the process of putting the trees down for good. Forging your flames into a searing white-hot cutter, you watch with glee as fleeing ships slip out from hangers and KND agents attempt to slow you down; only to be smacked away with manic glee from Izzy, who may or may not be enjoying the power of the warbot a little too much.
A thrill creeps up your back and shivers run down your spine as singed the first of many KND treehouses in half. The sound of splintering timber and the crash of a eleventy-bajillion tons of steel into the pavement nearby is music to your ears. Gosh darn, you had always wanted to do that.
Things heat up again after a certain annoying flyboy decides to crash your party. Piloting a heavily modified K.L.O.S.S.A.L.I.N.E.R bearing the callsign of #2, the flying ace engaged Izzy en-route to your final cluster of targets and delayed her long enough for the rest of the brats to take their toys and scurry away down their rat lines to who-knows-where.
You find the remaining bases vacant, but no less dangerous. The KND leave behind a few nasty surprises for your troops. Home Alone booby traps are par for the course, but one treehouse suddenly reveals itself to be a carnivorous decoy, nearly swallowing you and Izzy's robot whole between its gnashing wooden teeth before flames and chainsaws cut it down to size. You get reports of vicious horned rabbits and flocks of winged hamsters monitoring your troops' locations. Evidently, that's how they spread the alert so fast.
The handful of intact KND labs you stumble across give further evidence of their weird new science projects. They're packed with bizarre specimens decidedly outside of their usual 2x4 wheelhouse. Things in tanks and cages you preferred not to examine too closely. In one, you discover a water-cooler full of bobbing eyeballs that all swivel to stare at you. You stay behind to make that one's completely burned to ashes before moving on.
The best, of course, was saved for last.
Sector V.
However, just as Izzy was about to start shredding it into toothpicks, you motioned for her to stop.
This place, perhaps even more than the moonbase, has stood as a symbol of resistance against your will for ages. It deserves a special fate. The question is… what will you do with it?
RESULT: KND prisoners of war taken, KND Remnants power reduced, Sector V Treehouse captured.
--[x] 🤝 Invite Candy Stock Market Investors (Hank)
DC 80 (CF 3% CS 7%)
BARE FAILURE
1d100 = [20] + 19 + 23 + 5 - 5 + 4 = 71
Hank went into the meeting with the candy investors ready to charm the pantaloons off those pirates. Turns out good old boy Southern charm doesn't work too well on hardened sea dogs. Their macho chest pounding certainly didn't make things easy. One of them outright refused to do business unless Hank first proved that he could hold his drink---his teeth are still aching from the six mugs of pure cane sugar. At the end of the day, while they do seem interested, you're going to have to learn to speak their language to close the deal, matey.
--[x] Refurbish Ice Cream Factories (Skips)
DC 90 (CF 4% CS 6%)
FAILURE
1d100 = [29] + 19 + 15 + 10 + 2 = 75
Skips really hasn't been doing too hot. He admitted he's been struggling with migraines lately, but assured you he wasn't gonna let stress slow him down. Work on the factories progressed gradually up until Skips started having weird episodes on the job. At one point while he was fixing a skylight cracked by Charmcaster's shockwave, he got up in a daze and nearly walked right off the edge of the roof before four burly construction guys managed to pull him back. He said afterward that he had no memory of it and insisted he could still meet the deadline, but you forced him to take some time off. You're pretty sure he's gonna spend that time working anyway, but hopefully it'll at least be work that helps him relax.
--[x] 🎭 Investigate the "Guild" (Mr. Black & Mr. White)
DC 65 (CF 1% CS 9%)
SUCCESS
1d100 = [79] + 27 + 24 + 4 = 134
While it's not quite their department, Mr. Black & Mr. White have always been vaguely aware of the Guild of Calamitous Intent on the periphery of the intelligence community. As part of their agreement with the OSI, the Guild maintains a direct line of communication with the other alphabet agencies. It only took a little bit of begging their old CIA buddies for Black & White to get ahold of the number of the Guild's Arching Services line, which they forwarded to you. Neat!
You got juggled between different departments for a while (which you're almost certain was just the same two guys passing the phone back and forth making up increasingly ridiculous voices) but eventually they gave you a straight answer. The gist is, the Guild is a REALLY old gentlemen's club of rich weirdos who for whatever reason have decided to become supervillains for… Fun? Revenge? A retirement hobby? As a SOOPERvillain yourself, you're not quite sure where these guys get off on criticizing you. The only difference between you and them that you can figure out is that they have all sorts of rules and stipulations about who's allowed to fight who using what weapons and when---something about an "Equally Matched Aggression Level" making sure it's always a fair fight. All in all, this sounds like something a bunch of nerdy teenagers would come up with to play in their basements with all their funny looking dice.
It DOES seem like you're allowed to renegotiate the terms of your rivalry with your 'Arch' or even request a different one provided you go through the right bureaucratic channels. The two dorks on the phone varied between professional answers and obvious jabs, which led to you hanging up in frustration before you could wring the specific details out of them. You DID manage to order a free GoCI Handbook on their website. Shipping wasn't included. Cheapskates. You'll probably have Hank go over it whenever it arrives. Maybe it'll shed some light on why they've decided they hate your guts.
In the meantime, you could probably also ask that Monstroso fella to clear things up now that you know the right questions to ask.
Result: Consult With Monstroso Diplomacy Action Unlocked. Renegotiate Arching Terms Diplomacy Action Unlocked.
--[x] 📚 Hard Light Scaffolding (Professor XXXL)
DC 70 (CF 1% CS 9%)
SUCCESS
1d100 = [84] + 19 + 31 + 10 + 3 = 147
Ice Cream is an art. Snow Cones are an art. Frozen Yogurt? Jury is still out on that one, but leaning towards art. But theoretical application of hard light in use of construction and larger frame maintenance via application of photon stasis? Well, that's just plain old science. Professor XXXL finishes the study within a week, and has some working prototypes within the same month. Frankly, however, when he delivers the final report on your desk, he looks more bored than anything else. His only question is when the Ice Cream factories will be back in operation.
Result: Company-wide +3 Bonus on Stewardship actions related to construction. Hard Light Assembly Lines Stewardship Action Unlocked.
--[x] Un-Hypnotise Ice Cream Men (Hex)
DC 60 (CF 1% CS 9%)
CRITICAL SUCCESS
1d100 = [93] + [70} + 15 + 28 + 11 = 217
After Tolientaor's cruel and unusual attempts to break the spell, you decided to turn to someone with a bit more occult acumen.
"WELL Hex, do you think you can FIX it?"
"Hm."
The skull-faced wizard taps his chin, peering deep into the eyes of the gaggle of tied-up Ice Cream Men, all of them clearly intimidated by his spooky visage. With a slight rap of his staff against the closest one's head, he leans back.
"I can not only remedy this affliction, but learn from it as well."
"What do you mean?"
He smiles at your question. Raising his staff, you figure that he intends to show you what he means first hand.
"Al'Ra Hego'Garay Skeel!"
His words feel funny in your skull. Like someone speaking to you in a language you don't know but instantly understand. But if they're having a strange effect on you, then it's doing something much, much more powerful on the Ice Cream Men. Staring deep into the light at the end of his staff, they quickly change their posture from that of a bunch of scared children, huddling together into.. Something more confident.
More assured.
More adult.
"What in MILWAUKEE was that?"
"Your… acolyte, Tolienator, did not realize the true nature of the spell. Mental conditioning can be broken with crude torture. But your warriors have been magically altered. Their mental states have been reverted. Grains of sand flowing back up an hourglass. The cure was to simply insert what had been missing."
"So, like, uh, BRAINWASHING?"
You say, absentmindedly tugging at the collar of your silhouette. Couldn't imagine why.
"No. Brainwashing is a clumsy, brutal method of control. I have… restored the lessons of adulthood. With some minor adjustments of my own. A lingering spell of bravery to improve their confidence, and, if you will forgive the insult, competence."
"Oh. THAT sounds good."
Hex smiles at that.
"Indeed. It is good. Although…"
As Hex magically unties their bindings, the Ice Cream Men stand tall, saluting you. Hex pays little attention to them. It seems he's pondering something.
"Did these… Kids Next Door possess knowledge of the mystic arts?"
"I don't believe so. 'Less you count that one time I saw Numbuh 2 eat twice his weight in LIVERWURST."
Hex studies you quizzically for a moment before deciding not to ask.
"Then this implies that someone with such power is aiding them. Someone I do not know. This magic is no learned sorcerer's spell. It is innate. Primal."
"So you're saying SOMEONE is helping the brats?"
"It seems so. Perhaps I might gain more insight from it."
Now, that didn't sound good. But at least now you've got a crack team of Ice Cream Men ready to go. Whatever Hex did really seemed to bolster their pride and spirits. Not a single one of them is hunching over or lollygagging! They seem primed and ready to take the fight to the pint-sized terrors!
Result: Your Ice Cream Men are back in business. Train Ice Cream Men Martial Action unlocked. KND Martial bonus removed.
-[x] Personal Actions
--[x] Father
---[x] Visit Spankulot in Prison
1d100 = [80]
You had braced yourself for what you might see when you scheduled a visit with the Count. You knew enough about prison from those Scared Straight specials to anticipate what it might have done to him. Nothing you could have possibly imagined came close. You're… gonna need some time to process the things you saw in there.
How could things have possibly gotten this bad? What Numbuh 365 said to you before the interview keeps echoing in your thoughts. There are things out there way bigger, and meaner, and crueller than you. Stickybeard was right. The world's changing. And the people who can't keep up are getting swallowed alive.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Truth Stings
---[x] Do Some Paperwork
1d100 = [83]
Ughhhhh. You've got cramps in your hands where you never even knew you could GET cramps. If you never have to think about a 401k again, it'll be too soon. At least you're starting to sorta kinda get this paperwork stuff. You managed to get through half the stack before you gave up and made Hank do the rest!
Result: +1 Stewardship. +A Bajillion Papercuts.
---[x] Recruit a Hero: Daphne Blake 👻
--[x] 🥩 Hank Hill - (Shadow Father: Recruit a Hero: Daphne Blake 👻)
1d100 = [21]
"Why CAN'T we just hire the big guy with the COOL hair again? He seems pretty HIP."
"Now Father sir, we've gotta be fair to every applicant. Miss Blake is a qualified young woman with great references. It wouldn't be right to ignore all that… Also, if I may sir, Mr. Bravo is still completely unqualified for… Well, everything."
"HM… But HOW is it gonna look for ADULT Co to put some meddling kid in charge? The other SOOPERvillains are gonna laugh at me!"
Hank fixed you with an even frown. The Dad Look. No fair! That was your move!
"Sir, I know how you feel about kids, but if you want 'em to grow into hardworking adults, then you've gotta give 'em a little trust and a chance to exercise responsibility. 'Sides. She ain't a kid anymore."
You sigh in exasperation. "Oh ALL right… ALWAYS with the responsibility… At least she's just a teenager." You set the other applications aside. "...plus all that mystery solving stuff seems pretty nifty. I guess." You admit. "Maybe it won't be TOO bad."
"That's the spirit sir!" Hank says, reassuringly patting you on the back. "I know it can be hard to be open minded. Heck, I know Bobby's pushed me out of my comfort zone with all his weird hobbies more times 'n I can count. But sir, I think It'll be good for you to have somebody younger around. Get a little perspective."
Someone younger huh? Loathe as you are to admit it, those Teen Ninjas were useful for more than just spying on people. Chad wasn't always the brightest bulb but you could appreciate his insights on the youth. If only because they enabled you to more effectively crush them. Maybe it's time to forgive and forget…
Result: Chad Dickson added to Check Up On Old Allies Diplomacy action. Enhance Teen Appeal Diplomacy action unlocked.
--[x] 🚽 Toiletnator - (Exorcize Office Toilets)
1d100 = [75]
An epic duel between the forces of Good and Evil took place in the men's room at AdultCo HQ. The battle was intense and not without its innocent porcelain casualties, but in the end, though the red hooded spectre got away, the Toiletnator prevailed. Employees of AdultCo are once again free to relieve themselves in peace, no more troubled by the constipating terror of Aka Manto. For once in his pathetic life Toiletnator is being hailed as a hero. So… where the heck is he?
To Be Continued In Interlude: Red, Wiped, & Blue
Result: Haunted Bathroom Stewardship penalty removed. Toiletnator is nowhere to be found.
--[x] ✨ Izzy - (Perform a Stunt: Mud wrestle an Everglades gator)
1d100 = [68]
You'd think a town with a name like Gatorsburg would have a lot more… y'know. Gators. But nope---pretty much gator free. The local population must've all dried up a while ago. Both gators AND people. But Izzy is nothing if not persistent. She got her gator alright. It just came with a few uninvited guest stars.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Truth Stings
Result: Gator status: wrestled. Dethklok status: impressed. ??? status: also impressed, but a little weirded out.
--[x] 💀 Hex - (Atone)
1d100 = [36]
Hex has spent a lifetime hoarding elemental power, and the last five years learning how little it can really change. Magic can raise a house from ashes. But it can't build trust. Only patience and humility can do that. In those regards, he's still only a student. How fortunate he's met somebody he would not hesitate to call a master. And maybe, if he's lucky, a friend.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Apology By Hand
Result: Hex has been humbled, and appreciates it. The beginning of a friendship.
--[x] 🍧 Professor XXXL - (Stabilize Your Mutations)
1d100 = [1]
Professor XXXL had this really great idea, see. No, really, it was gonna be great! See, he got to thinking, animal mutations. Cool, right? But what about EXTINCT animal mutations? Even cooler! And of course, he started with the coolest one of all, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He was gonna give himself T. Rex jaws (for chomping ice cream) or a big cool tail (for mixing ice cream). Instead, he sequenced one wrong genome and he gave himself T. Rex ARMS. Now he can neither eat, nor scoop, nor even hold frozen desserts of any kind without assistance. Thankfully the Professor's naturally unstable DNA will revert the changes any day now, but for the time being, the poor guy is pretty bummed out.
Result: Professor XXXL cannot take any National or Personal actions next turn unless you assign another unit to use up their entire turn acting as his hands.
--[x] 🌲 Skips - (Do some landscaping)
1d100 = [27]
Cleveland's got a lot of scars. Runs deeper and older than its latest crater. Making it a nicer place to live isn't a job even Skips can finish in a few months. It's slow, thorough work bringing green to places that've had more broken bottles than plants for the last four decades. And that suits Skips just fine.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Apology By Hand
Result: Cleveland is a little greener. The beginning of a friendship.
--[x] 🕵🏻&🕵🏿 Mr. Black & Mr. White - (Catch up with the twins)
1d100 = [58]
Mandark stonewalled them the second he figured out they worked for Father, and Eddy's secretary only wanted to talk about gravy. So Black & White did what any responsible intelligence agent would do and got their numbers from the NSA monitoring list. They managed to chat with both of them for a few minutes before work pulled them away, but nothing more than a few opening pleasantries. The girls say their brothers are doing alright, though they used the plural which is weird. They're amenable to meeting up for lunch if B&W ever make it out to the West coast. Kind of funny though. Susan's supposed to be working for Mandark in Genius Grove, but her new phone number has a Vancouver area code.
Result: A nice phone call with old friends. But something's a little off.
-[x] Media Czar
--[x] Daphne Blake
-[x] National Actions
--[x] ⚔️Cut Down KND Treehouses (Izzy)
DC VARIABLE
1d100 = [95] + 37 + 5 + 5 + 10 + 25 + 2 = 179
VS
1d100 = [97] + 20 + 19 + 5 = 141
SUCCESS
While Izzy personally has no particular vendetta against children, she knows a threat when she sees one and is more than happy to play the role of the world's most dangerous lumberjack alongside you.
One small problem though; it seems like the kids aren't quite done playing in their tree forts. For the first time in months, things almost feel… Normal. As you coordinate the attacks on the remaining tree houses, the KND remnants put up a courageous counter-offensive. With Izzy in your Slightly Less Super Yet Still Incredibly Dangerous Machine, the two of you and a crack squadron of newly dehypnotized Ice Cream Men put the squeeze on the rugrats, and what began as a determined defense on the KND's behalf quickly transforms into a desperate hold out as more and more KND agents were either forced to pull back or be buried under freezing piles of Tutti-Frutti and Rum Raisin: Pure poison for their unrefined palettes.
The battles begin to quickly turn in your favor as you begin the process of putting the trees down for good. Forging your flames into a searing white-hot cutter, you watch with glee as fleeing ships slip out from hangers and KND agents attempt to slow you down; only to be smacked away with manic glee from Izzy, who may or may not be enjoying the power of the warbot a little too much.
A thrill creeps up your back and shivers run down your spine as singed the first of many KND treehouses in half. The sound of splintering timber and the crash of a eleventy-bajillion tons of steel into the pavement nearby is music to your ears. Gosh darn, you had always wanted to do that.
Things heat up again after a certain annoying flyboy decides to crash your party. Piloting a heavily modified K.L.O.S.S.A.L.I.N.E.R bearing the callsign of #2, the flying ace engaged Izzy en-route to your final cluster of targets and delayed her long enough for the rest of the brats to take their toys and scurry away down their rat lines to who-knows-where.
You find the remaining bases vacant, but no less dangerous. The KND leave behind a few nasty surprises for your troops. Home Alone booby traps are par for the course, but one treehouse suddenly reveals itself to be a carnivorous decoy, nearly swallowing you and Izzy's robot whole between its gnashing wooden teeth before flames and chainsaws cut it down to size. You get reports of vicious horned rabbits and flocks of winged hamsters monitoring your troops' locations. Evidently, that's how they spread the alert so fast.
The handful of intact KND labs you stumble across give further evidence of their weird new science projects. They're packed with bizarre specimens decidedly outside of their usual 2x4 wheelhouse. Things in tanks and cages you preferred not to examine too closely. In one, you discover a water-cooler full of bobbing eyeballs that all swivel to stare at you. You stay behind to make that one's completely burned to ashes before moving on.
The best, of course, was saved for last.
Sector V.
However, just as Izzy was about to start shredding it into toothpicks, you motioned for her to stop.
This place, perhaps even more than the moonbase, has stood as a symbol of resistance against your will for ages. It deserves a special fate. The question is… what will you do with it?
RESULT: KND prisoners of war taken, KND Remnants power reduced, Sector V Treehouse captured.
--[x] 🤝 Invite Candy Stock Market Investors (Hank)
DC 80 (CF 3% CS 7%)
BARE FAILURE
1d100 = [20] + 19 + 23 + 5 - 5 + 4 = 71
Hank went into the meeting with the candy investors ready to charm the pantaloons off those pirates. Turns out good old boy Southern charm doesn't work too well on hardened sea dogs. Their macho chest pounding certainly didn't make things easy. One of them outright refused to do business unless Hank first proved that he could hold his drink---his teeth are still aching from the six mugs of pure cane sugar. At the end of the day, while they do seem interested, you're going to have to learn to speak their language to close the deal, matey.
--[x] Refurbish Ice Cream Factories (Skips)
DC 90 (CF 4% CS 6%)
FAILURE
1d100 = [29] + 19 + 15 + 10 + 2 = 75
Skips really hasn't been doing too hot. He admitted he's been struggling with migraines lately, but assured you he wasn't gonna let stress slow him down. Work on the factories progressed gradually up until Skips started having weird episodes on the job. At one point while he was fixing a skylight cracked by Charmcaster's shockwave, he got up in a daze and nearly walked right off the edge of the roof before four burly construction guys managed to pull him back. He said afterward that he had no memory of it and insisted he could still meet the deadline, but you forced him to take some time off. You're pretty sure he's gonna spend that time working anyway, but hopefully it'll at least be work that helps him relax.
--[x] 🎭 Investigate the "Guild" (Mr. Black & Mr. White)
DC 65 (CF 1% CS 9%)
SUCCESS
1d100 = [79] + 27 + 24 + 4 = 134
While it's not quite their department, Mr. Black & Mr. White have always been vaguely aware of the Guild of Calamitous Intent on the periphery of the intelligence community. As part of their agreement with the OSI, the Guild maintains a direct line of communication with the other alphabet agencies. It only took a little bit of begging their old CIA buddies for Black & White to get ahold of the number of the Guild's Arching Services line, which they forwarded to you. Neat!
You got juggled between different departments for a while (which you're almost certain was just the same two guys passing the phone back and forth making up increasingly ridiculous voices) but eventually they gave you a straight answer. The gist is, the Guild is a REALLY old gentlemen's club of rich weirdos who for whatever reason have decided to become supervillains for… Fun? Revenge? A retirement hobby? As a SOOPERvillain yourself, you're not quite sure where these guys get off on criticizing you. The only difference between you and them that you can figure out is that they have all sorts of rules and stipulations about who's allowed to fight who using what weapons and when---something about an "Equally Matched Aggression Level" making sure it's always a fair fight. All in all, this sounds like something a bunch of nerdy teenagers would come up with to play in their basements with all their funny looking dice.
It DOES seem like you're allowed to renegotiate the terms of your rivalry with your 'Arch' or even request a different one provided you go through the right bureaucratic channels. The two dorks on the phone varied between professional answers and obvious jabs, which led to you hanging up in frustration before you could wring the specific details out of them. You DID manage to order a free GoCI Handbook on their website. Shipping wasn't included. Cheapskates. You'll probably have Hank go over it whenever it arrives. Maybe it'll shed some light on why they've decided they hate your guts.
In the meantime, you could probably also ask that Monstroso fella to clear things up now that you know the right questions to ask.
Result: Consult With Monstroso Diplomacy Action Unlocked. Renegotiate Arching Terms Diplomacy Action Unlocked.
--[x] 📚 Hard Light Scaffolding (Professor XXXL)
DC 70 (CF 1% CS 9%)
SUCCESS
1d100 = [84] + 19 + 31 + 10 + 3 = 147
Ice Cream is an art. Snow Cones are an art. Frozen Yogurt? Jury is still out on that one, but leaning towards art. But theoretical application of hard light in use of construction and larger frame maintenance via application of photon stasis? Well, that's just plain old science. Professor XXXL finishes the study within a week, and has some working prototypes within the same month. Frankly, however, when he delivers the final report on your desk, he looks more bored than anything else. His only question is when the Ice Cream factories will be back in operation.
Result: Company-wide +3 Bonus on Stewardship actions related to construction. Hard Light Assembly Lines Stewardship Action Unlocked.
--[x] Un-Hypnotise Ice Cream Men (Hex)
DC 60 (CF 1% CS 9%)
CRITICAL SUCCESS
1d100 = [93] + [70} + 15 + 28 + 11 = 217
After Tolientaor's cruel and unusual attempts to break the spell, you decided to turn to someone with a bit more occult acumen.
"WELL Hex, do you think you can FIX it?"
"Hm."
The skull-faced wizard taps his chin, peering deep into the eyes of the gaggle of tied-up Ice Cream Men, all of them clearly intimidated by his spooky visage. With a slight rap of his staff against the closest one's head, he leans back.
"I can not only remedy this affliction, but learn from it as well."
"What do you mean?"
He smiles at your question. Raising his staff, you figure that he intends to show you what he means first hand.
"Al'Ra Hego'Garay Skeel!"
His words feel funny in your skull. Like someone speaking to you in a language you don't know but instantly understand. But if they're having a strange effect on you, then it's doing something much, much more powerful on the Ice Cream Men. Staring deep into the light at the end of his staff, they quickly change their posture from that of a bunch of scared children, huddling together into.. Something more confident.
More assured.
More adult.
"What in MILWAUKEE was that?"
"Your… acolyte, Tolienator, did not realize the true nature of the spell. Mental conditioning can be broken with crude torture. But your warriors have been magically altered. Their mental states have been reverted. Grains of sand flowing back up an hourglass. The cure was to simply insert what had been missing."
"So, like, uh, BRAINWASHING?"
You say, absentmindedly tugging at the collar of your silhouette. Couldn't imagine why.
"No. Brainwashing is a clumsy, brutal method of control. I have… restored the lessons of adulthood. With some minor adjustments of my own. A lingering spell of bravery to improve their confidence, and, if you will forgive the insult, competence."
"Oh. THAT sounds good."
Hex smiles at that.
"Indeed. It is good. Although…"
As Hex magically unties their bindings, the Ice Cream Men stand tall, saluting you. Hex pays little attention to them. It seems he's pondering something.
"Did these… Kids Next Door possess knowledge of the mystic arts?"
"I don't believe so. 'Less you count that one time I saw Numbuh 2 eat twice his weight in LIVERWURST."
Hex studies you quizzically for a moment before deciding not to ask.
"Then this implies that someone with such power is aiding them. Someone I do not know. This magic is no learned sorcerer's spell. It is innate. Primal."
"So you're saying SOMEONE is helping the brats?"
"It seems so. Perhaps I might gain more insight from it."
Now, that didn't sound good. But at least now you've got a crack team of Ice Cream Men ready to go. Whatever Hex did really seemed to bolster their pride and spirits. Not a single one of them is hunching over or lollygagging! They seem primed and ready to take the fight to the pint-sized terrors!
Result: Your Ice Cream Men are back in business. Train Ice Cream Men Martial Action unlocked. KND Martial bonus removed.
-[x] Personal Actions
--[x] Father
---[x] Visit Spankulot in Prison
1d100 = [80]
You had braced yourself for what you might see when you scheduled a visit with the Count. You knew enough about prison from those Scared Straight specials to anticipate what it might have done to him. Nothing you could have possibly imagined came close. You're… gonna need some time to process the things you saw in there.
How could things have possibly gotten this bad? What Numbuh 365 said to you before the interview keeps echoing in your thoughts. There are things out there way bigger, and meaner, and crueller than you. Stickybeard was right. The world's changing. And the people who can't keep up are getting swallowed alive.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Truth Stings
---[x] Do Some Paperwork
1d100 = [83]
Ughhhhh. You've got cramps in your hands where you never even knew you could GET cramps. If you never have to think about a 401k again, it'll be too soon. At least you're starting to sorta kinda get this paperwork stuff. You managed to get through half the stack before you gave up and made Hank do the rest!
Result: +1 Stewardship. +A Bajillion Papercuts.
---[x] Recruit a Hero: Daphne Blake 👻
--[x] 🥩 Hank Hill - (Shadow Father: Recruit a Hero: Daphne Blake 👻)
1d100 = [21]
"Why CAN'T we just hire the big guy with the COOL hair again? He seems pretty HIP."
"Now Father sir, we've gotta be fair to every applicant. Miss Blake is a qualified young woman with great references. It wouldn't be right to ignore all that… Also, if I may sir, Mr. Bravo is still completely unqualified for… Well, everything."
"HM… But HOW is it gonna look for ADULT Co to put some meddling kid in charge? The other SOOPERvillains are gonna laugh at me!"
Hank fixed you with an even frown. The Dad Look. No fair! That was your move!
"Sir, I know how you feel about kids, but if you want 'em to grow into hardworking adults, then you've gotta give 'em a little trust and a chance to exercise responsibility. 'Sides. She ain't a kid anymore."
You sigh in exasperation. "Oh ALL right… ALWAYS with the responsibility… At least she's just a teenager." You set the other applications aside. "...plus all that mystery solving stuff seems pretty nifty. I guess." You admit. "Maybe it won't be TOO bad."
"That's the spirit sir!" Hank says, reassuringly patting you on the back. "I know it can be hard to be open minded. Heck, I know Bobby's pushed me out of my comfort zone with all his weird hobbies more times 'n I can count. But sir, I think It'll be good for you to have somebody younger around. Get a little perspective."
Someone younger huh? Loathe as you are to admit it, those Teen Ninjas were useful for more than just spying on people. Chad wasn't always the brightest bulb but you could appreciate his insights on the youth. If only because they enabled you to more effectively crush them. Maybe it's time to forgive and forget…
Result: Chad Dickson added to Check Up On Old Allies Diplomacy action. Enhance Teen Appeal Diplomacy action unlocked.
--[x] 🚽 Toiletnator - (Exorcize Office Toilets)
1d100 = [75]
An epic duel between the forces of Good and Evil took place in the men's room at AdultCo HQ. The battle was intense and not without its innocent porcelain casualties, but in the end, though the red hooded spectre got away, the Toiletnator prevailed. Employees of AdultCo are once again free to relieve themselves in peace, no more troubled by the constipating terror of Aka Manto. For once in his pathetic life Toiletnator is being hailed as a hero. So… where the heck is he?
To Be Continued In Interlude: Red, Wiped, & Blue
Result: Haunted Bathroom Stewardship penalty removed. Toiletnator is nowhere to be found.
--[x] ✨ Izzy - (Perform a Stunt: Mud wrestle an Everglades gator)
1d100 = [68]
You'd think a town with a name like Gatorsburg would have a lot more… y'know. Gators. But nope---pretty much gator free. The local population must've all dried up a while ago. Both gators AND people. But Izzy is nothing if not persistent. She got her gator alright. It just came with a few uninvited guest stars.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Truth Stings
Result: Gator status: wrestled. Dethklok status: impressed. ??? status: also impressed, but a little weirded out.
--[x] 💀 Hex - (Atone)
1d100 = [36]
Hex has spent a lifetime hoarding elemental power, and the last five years learning how little it can really change. Magic can raise a house from ashes. But it can't build trust. Only patience and humility can do that. In those regards, he's still only a student. How fortunate he's met somebody he would not hesitate to call a master. And maybe, if he's lucky, a friend.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Apology By Hand
Result: Hex has been humbled, and appreciates it. The beginning of a friendship.
--[x] 🍧 Professor XXXL - (Stabilize Your Mutations)
1d100 = [1]
Professor XXXL had this really great idea, see. No, really, it was gonna be great! See, he got to thinking, animal mutations. Cool, right? But what about EXTINCT animal mutations? Even cooler! And of course, he started with the coolest one of all, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He was gonna give himself T. Rex jaws (for chomping ice cream) or a big cool tail (for mixing ice cream). Instead, he sequenced one wrong genome and he gave himself T. Rex ARMS. Now he can neither eat, nor scoop, nor even hold frozen desserts of any kind without assistance. Thankfully the Professor's naturally unstable DNA will revert the changes any day now, but for the time being, the poor guy is pretty bummed out.
Result: Professor XXXL cannot take any National or Personal actions next turn unless you assign another unit to use up their entire turn acting as his hands.
--[x] 🌲 Skips - (Do some landscaping)
1d100 = [27]
Cleveland's got a lot of scars. Runs deeper and older than its latest crater. Making it a nicer place to live isn't a job even Skips can finish in a few months. It's slow, thorough work bringing green to places that've had more broken bottles than plants for the last four decades. And that suits Skips just fine.
To Be Continued In Interlude: Apology By Hand
Result: Cleveland is a little greener. The beginning of a friendship.
--[x] 🕵🏻&🕵🏿 Mr. Black & Mr. White - (Catch up with the twins)
1d100 = [58]
Mandark stonewalled them the second he figured out they worked for Father, and Eddy's secretary only wanted to talk about gravy. So Black & White did what any responsible intelligence agent would do and got their numbers from the NSA monitoring list. They managed to chat with both of them for a few minutes before work pulled them away, but nothing more than a few opening pleasantries. The girls say their brothers are doing alright, though they used the plural which is weird. They're amenable to meeting up for lunch if B&W ever make it out to the West coast. Kind of funny though. Susan's supposed to be working for Mandark in Genius Grove, but her new phone number has a Vancouver area code.
Result: A nice phone call with old friends. But something's a little off.
-[x] Media Czar
--[x] Daphne Blake
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He's too cheap to hire anybody else.
Normally he'd make Double D do it but y'know...
KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
Candy Stock Market and Ice Cream Factories failing is painful...
HAHAHAHAHA! Those poor jerks picked the WRONG turn to screw with us! Now...What to do with that treehouse? Hm...We do still need to find Nigel...And, speaking of which, Abby deserves a good kick in the pants for the sake of our friend....
Ugh. Well, at least we're making progress. Hank may still have to keep putting his back into it.
That's...Concerning. And annoying.
Hm....Our current one seems decent, honestly. But we may want to talk terms. Give Hank some time to catch up though.
Good, but XXXL really wants to be put on ice cream. Understood.
Doing good work Hex! I imagine the training action may have a reduced DC and/or increased rewards now? Great work, my man!
Yeah, this...Oh boy. The world out there is a SCARY place.
Huh. Nice to have some extra Stewardship. Next, maybe some Learning.
Hm. It ain't much, but Hank's shadowing is already useful, despite the low roll.
Concerning, but also, hell yeah, you show them, Louie.
This oughta be fun.
Poor guy. But, glad he's getting his life back on track.
OOF. Poor guy. Wonder if we should bother, just so he can finally do some ice cream.
Aw. This should be heartwarming.
Well, that's...Interesting. Brothers plural, eh? Hm. Also, Eddy, this is what happens when you fire the owner of the only brain cell in your little group.
Overall, the two failures HURT like the dickens, but, at least one of them is only a bare failure, and we can get both next time...Hopefully. it is annoying, with all the other stuff on our plate though. Fixing the Swim, funding a Presidential candidate, ETC. Plus, we do need cash. Lots of fun stuff otherwise....Odd stuff too...
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