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Battle Action Harem Highschool Side Character Quest (No SV, you are the Waifu)

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Oh god the homework. Nope, nope, nope nope nope nope nope nope my brain is crying tears of boredom. Finding possible values of n for phi(n) = k and proving there's no other values of n. Nope. Not difficult. Just nope. Ow.

Long day. I have another hour plus of shit. Nothing doing tonight, back to work tomorrow. Weekend's free. *hope intensifies*
 
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*intake of breath*

*exhales*

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit. *slumps into chair* Woke up this morning feeling dead, got done dying at like 5:00, went to dinner, slammed on the stuff I've been listening to while writing this, and...

9,211. First draft, final word count, counting the ~100 word intro taken from canon w/ senpai's permission.

This is giant. I... honestly, I suspect I'm going to break 10k in the final version. I went back and checked the word count on Mors Innocentia; I'm way past it -- that was ~7,190. Vae Victoria is tiny in comparison, only ~4.5k, though I still view that as my best work... probably. If I play my edits right, this... might be objectively better, but probably won't be as incredible in terms of sheer feels. Anyway, this thing's taking up 37 pages of word doc (double spaced, though).

I have no idea if I'm going to jump straight into editing or just pause everything for a bit. I... I have access to XCOM2 now, and uh, that's a big deal for me for *long story* reasons, but, if I start that I won't get this done for a month, maybe ever. So... I'm not going to play it. I might go play like a few dozen years of EU3 or something? Something I can count on to get boring eventually. Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and hit the ground running.

... Sometimes I feel bad for constantly posting my progress to thread. But, eh, when I'm coming down from writing a section this feels like the natural thing to do... Meh.

TODO:

- Find some random Latin to use as a title (2 words, first one short, second one long, pretty much no other criteria -- nice if it makes some vague sense though)
- Social
- Final scene (it's entirely social, so, I'm going to edit first)
- Edit for improvements
- Really figure out how to make Yukari seem realistic because at the moment this is mostly Anna blowing stuff up in extreme detail with Yukari poking her head up to advance plot and thats got to change a bit, this is 2-char centric dammit.
- Did I mention I need to figure out how to make Yukari seem realistic, because that is going to be the hardest part and basically the entire social thing.
- Get beta (@ApocalypticFish? It's at least 50% your fault that this exists.)
- Post
- Win over senpai with post
- Anna get. (Before first anniversary??? Eh. Maybe. Who cares?)

FINISHED:
- 9k of Dakka
 
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*stares at word doc*

Uhhhhhhhhhh.

UHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hey, um, does anybody happen to have a bit of time on their hands? I think I've got some kind of structural tense usage problem and I can't quite tell. Like, I think the primary tense shifts from past to present halfway through or something, but the whole thing was already using present tense at points anyways and uh...

uh...

*stares more*

Dear god. Dear god. Holy dakka.

I... would really like to send a current version to somebody and have them take a critical look at it, tell me if I need to go through and nuke every verb in the whole thing for tense or w/e. It might be that the entire thing is tangled up but still okay, or um... I dunno. Help? Pls?
 
Kaizuki said:
*stares at word doc*

Uhhhhhhhhhh.

UHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hey, um, does anybody happen to have a bit of time on their hands? I think I've got some kind of structural tense usage problem and I can't quite tell. Like, I think the primary tense shifts from past to present halfway through or something, but the whole thing was already using present tense at points anyways and uh...

uh...

*stares more*

Dear god. Dear god. Holy dakka.

I... would really like to send a current version to somebody and have them take a critical look at it, tell me if I need to go through and nuke every verb in the whole thing for tense or w/e. It might be that the entire thing is tangled up but still okay, or um... I dunno. Help? Pls?
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I'm prone to making decisions I will soon regret. I don't know how much I can help. . . but I can try.
 
I worked a bit on Kousenjobi.


Do you think I should make the light from the hand blue since a Kousenjobi is one of those flame-y things in japanese dead-y thing depictions, or should I keep it like that because GOLD?
 
Renu said:
I worked a bit on Kousenjobi.


Do you think I should make the light from the hand blue since a Kousenjobi is one of those flame-y things in japanese dead-y thing depictions, or should I keep it like that because GOLD?
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Blue. Also, where'd her face go?
 
Renu said:
I worked a bit on Kousenjobi.


Do you think I should make the light from the hand blue since a Kousenjobi is one of those flame-y things in japanese dead-y thing depictions, or should I keep it like that because GOLD?
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Approval rising.

In other news, broke 10k. I think. Two docs running at once atm.

In still other news, random thoughts about a short comedy thing based on Asterix and Obelix. "All Canada?"
 
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...

Um. The... epilogue, sort-of, scene seems to have, uh. Quickly become a lot larger than I had expected.

Um.

Uh.

It's still getting written.

...

How do you guys feel about 10.5, 11k?

...

This must be how senpai feels when he gets carried away.
 
Renu said:
I worked a bit on Kousenjobi.


Do you think I should make the light from the hand blue since a Kousenjobi is one of those flame-y things in japanese dead-y thing depictions, or should I keep it like that because GOLD?
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I'll be honest, I'm really not feeling this art style. I've been imagining the valks as beefed up versions of the hardsuits from Bubblegum Crisis.
 
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joe6168 said:
I'll be honest, I'm really not felling this art style. I've been imagining the valks as beefed up versions of the hardsuits from Bubblegum Crisis.
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Well... ok.

While your tastes are your own, Kousenjobi is described as overly decorated, more like a ceremonial armor than a useable one, so... yeah, that's not really bubblegum crisis-able.
 
Renu said:
Well... ok.

While your tastes are your own, Kousenjobi is described as overly decorated, more like a ceremonial armor than a useable one, so... yeah, that's not really bubblegum crisis-able.
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I have no ability to visualize Kousenjobi like the piece of fanart you've posted. But then, that's entirely because I have no ability to visualize it beyond a faceless suit of power armor. Probably a side effect of not having watched enough anime. That said, I am 100% behind #RenuFanart, largely because Durga. And I mean it's cool as hell, just b/c I can't visualize it doesn't mean I can't like it.

Edit/sidenote: yeah, we're past 10.5k. Word doc calls it 11.2, I think there's a bunch of notes in there that account for 200+ words maybe.
 
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Honestly, I kinda pictured Kousenjobi as the Orokin take on shipgirls, except as a robot suit of armor.
 
*looks around sheepishly*

Well, this is something of a redo of a past Idea I've had for this setting, but I might as well post it here for people to see.
(btw, this started out as a PM, so there might be some assumption made about things the reader knows, also it's just an outline I put together from scattered ideas so it might not be entirely clear at first look)



Since I assume not everyone in-universe really knows what a Core looks like and probably assume that the Frame is the important thing, while a UN infantry group is marching/traveling a downed Frame is discovered and one of the follow on group finds the Core, ejected during sometime in the past. Thinking it's a relatively innocuous bauble (possibly pre-War civilian stuff) he picks it up and stows it in his power armor. If this were making nods to being an 'anime' idea, in one of the currently empty ammunition stowages near his torso/back to cock a Chekov Gun (and the scene might start with a sign with a recognizable city name getting stepped on by a drone, because Things Are Obviously Bad Here/Monumental Damage) for when a combat scene starts.

After a night of digging in and some squad interaction, there'd be a timeskip to an AG attack. Not sure exactly how long, but probably a couple days to a week, during which the 'bauble' is pretty much forgotten about in favor of other things. When the Antagonist attack does land, the scene would open with the UN troops engaging AG 'Spiders' aka infantry pushing into their sector, highlighting the power disparity between base humanity and the Antagonists with each bot taking more hits than most human tanks would/should from the UN forces shoulder mounted 4mm hypervelocity guns (burst firing versions of what the Valkyries use) and micro-missile launchers (gyrojet rifles?) while destroying most of what they hit in return with their 'face' mounted beam weapons.

Soon-ish other areas report their positions as untenable and the entire front starts drawing back through the already ruined city. Probably have a 'hint' of things to come as the MC is just a little too coordinated, or taking hits that 'should' have killed him with only scarring on his armor.
AG 'Slugs' aka tanks arrive, and start to break through via bringing down buildings to allow Spiders to clamber up above trapped UN troops and shoot them through the debris. UN tank support is called for, but it's busy in a battle of maneuver outside the city. Shoulder fired missiles do cripple and destroy a handful of Slugs, enough for the remainder to become discreet in their attacks instead of pushing the line.

After a few hours of stalemate, with the majority of the squad's drones being destroyed in exchange for only one human fatality, AG heavy assets arrive. A handful of heavy walkers, 'Beetles' or 'Stilts', begin systematically purging the buildings with rapid fire 'low' caliber munitions, prompting a hurried retreat that is only prevented from being a rout by a Valkyrie Flight blasting the heavies as they go to somewhere else. Queue several troopers spitting out bitter thanks (stemming from gratitude for just being saved, and such power being 'withheld' from the majority of humanity and so they instead have to pay the price in lives rather than being the instruments of destruction a 'Sparkly' is).

And suddenly a Type pops up, the hunter-killer ones that are mostly meant to take on Valks (I think). Somewhat damaged already, it negligently rips apart the PA squad before disappearing into a block of buildings. MC, instead of getting cut in half finds himself thrown through a wall, goes 'WTF?' and the Valk Flight reappears, hunting the Type. Looking around at the remains of his squad, he gets up and banzais the remaining Spiders in the street and area.
Only, to his surprise once he stops to think, he doesn't die. Instead, he is standing in the wreckage of roughly half a dozen Spiders and is practically untouched. Laughing hysterically (note: emotional bleed through from the Core is partially to blame) he chases after the Type as well. Current control over his Impeller is limited to only defending himself and forming 2D planes. Which he uses as blades because they are 2D, and AG infantry do not have a matching field to resist said planes, which makes them Super Effective. Catching up to the Valk team, one of them is dead but the two sides are licking their wounds, the Valks overflying the area to ensure it doesn't escape while the Type skulks in a somewhat underground area.

MC banzais in (is mostly death seeking right now, however the Core he picked up earlier is actually working on that, it's just caught up with having a new person to be joined to) and tries to murderize the Type. Only for it to fail as the Type has the remains of it's Impeller/Higgs thingie still up, neutralizing the attack. A quick paced brawl erupts between them as the Type tries to leverage it's still superior speed while the MC tries to simply break it. And the Valks are going 'Ummm...' in the background, trying and failing to communicate with the newcomer.

Once the Type's remaining Impeller is used up, it tries to flee. The MC's own Impeller also is used up around here, but with the Type also lacking it's protection it can't truly capitalize on this. The Valks are nearly shouting at the MC to get out of the area so they can shoot the Type safely, but the MC's new Core... has it's priorities skewed, shall we say. Also, it might be slightly 'insane'.

Anyway, trapping the Type's functioning arm through the simple expedient of letting it stab him through the gut, the MC tears it's head off it's mount and shoves one of his micro-missile mags down it's neck. Core causes them to explode, and without his Impeller the MC is knocked out by the blast. Valks ensure the kill, recover the 'unknown' and their fallen comrade, and pull back as another Flight rotates into the fight.


And... That's the intro, in a nutshell. Unfortunately, now that I've posted even this, I can't be sure my muse will keep poking and developing this idea... So past that would be the 'wake up in a hospital, surprise repressed memories' phase, before being rotated into Perth for actual training.
As a soldier (20 or 21 years old) in an academy that is predominantly 16-18 year olds... Opportunities abound for plot. Self recrimination/survivors guilt, dealing with the fact that he considers himself expendable rather than a critical asset (people don't live long in the infantry once in combat, and he's made peace with this fact), the differing way he goes about recreation and off duty 'unwinding' compared to high schoolers (at least once his room mates/Flight members will have to retrieve his drunken hide from a SOLDIERS' bar rather than the places that cater to the academy members)...
 
I wanted to write a snip about a first generation female Valkquirie who was basicaly from the time they discovered Valks prefer girls.

She would have basicaly started as a test pilot and is one of the few of her generation still alive. Not technicaly an Ace, but a survivor.

But since this quest is not based on an existing franchise save for general terms I decided to drop the idea.
 
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