12th September
19:02 GMT -5
Solstice Fitness is unusual in Gotham City in that despite having an ominous name, it actually
isn't owned by a supervillain or secret society. The owner/manager is a member of the Gotham Business Association, the legitimate successor to the mob-owned Gotham Small Traders Association. A couple of the staff have criminal records, but since one of them is Paula Nguyen I'm not going to throw any stones. Selina and Holly come here too, though when last I asked Artemis didn't.
But Jade does.
Doctor Balewa said that he wanted to contact the Justice League on his own, so I took the hint and left the runner-up in the Oldest Living Human competition to get some sleep. That's the thing about using wards: while they
do protect you from minor magics, from the point of view of an ancient magician all they do is shout 'there's something interesting here' really loudly. Doubly so if you're using one in a location where hardly anyone uses wards, like Gotham City. I assume that Batman…
Should I still be calling him that? He isn't my controller any longer. I mean, obviously I'd call him that when we're on duty or on a mission, but in a secure environment or in my own head… What
should I call him? I guess.. 'Mister Wayne' being three syllables means that 'Batman' wins out over it. Calling him 'Bruce' would just be weird. Or is it? I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what Lex calls him and Lex has tried to kill him
at least once.
As Bruce Wayne. I wonder if he'd call Batman 'Bruce' to his face just to needle him? No, of course he would, but 'as a matter of course' or 'if it were useful in a specific case'? Oh, I'll just stick to calling him 'Batman'. I doubt that I'll be spending any time with him
socially.
Anyway, Bruceman-.
…
Anyway,
Batman has almost certainly realised that, and then gone on to realise that a magic user powerful enough to do that isn't going to find it all that hard to work out that Batman = Bruce Wayne
anyway, so he might as well encourage them to teleport into somewhere with automated defences.
But enough of
work. I'm here for something personal. Jade doesn't work Mondays, and at this time of day she's usually having a post-exercise massage, and.. she's there now. While her masseur is currently heading home early because an orange-glowing stranger offered him $2000 to go home early. After I got my ring to record his vocal cadence and the pattern of his footfalls.
This is either a really great idea, or a terrible idea.
I push open the door to the massage room. Jade
doesn't even bother looking up. I can barely imagine the Jade I first met not carefully watching the door of any room she found herself in.
"Hi there, Jade.
"
"Hey Todd."
Or disarm hers-. No, she hasn't locked her locker and there's a knife-. Under the towel she's laying on. She's still wearing her knickers, but aside from them and the towel covering them she's naked.
My word,
she's beautiful.
"Anything in particular you want me to work today?
"
"My neck."
"Sure, I can manage that.
" I stick my right hand under the spout of the industrial massage ointment bottle next to the bench and squirt a blob onto my fingers. Then I approach the right side of the massage bed, rubbing my hands together to spread it over both of them.
"Tough workout session?
"
"Too much time on the uneven bars."
Too much time parkouring across Gotham with Selina, more like. Rolling might deal with momentum without breaking your legs, but it doesn't do much for your spine. I lay my hands on her shoulders for a moment, then gently begin spreading-.
And there's a knife against my throat and Jade's glaring at me, towel held over her breasts. "
Did you th-?!" She stills, staring into my eyes. "Paul?"
Ring, dismiss mimicry program.
Program dismissed.
I smile, ignoring the knife.
"Good evening.
"
"You're back."
"Yes, yes I am.
"
"What happened to Todd?"
"Went home early. I thought I'd surprise you. How'd I do?
"
"
Somewhat surprised." She lowers the knife. Slightly. "Todd's been my masseur for a while. Your hands feel different from his."
"I'll bear that in mind should I feel the need to masquerade as your masseur in the future.
"
She leans lack slightly, shifting her legs into a more comfortable sitting position and raising her eyebrows. "Did you want to surprise me, or did you just want an excuse to put your hands on my naked body?"
I smile.
"Why can't it be both? I like to think that I've made no secret of my
interest in you, naked or otherwise.
"
"All finished in space?"
"More… I annoyed my boss so much that he sent me home. But I'm going to be able to stay on Earth for a while.
"
The ghost of a smile appears, which she does her best to conceal. "And all the green-skinned space girls could bear to let you go?"
"While I have
met green humanoid females, I didn't.. become involved with any of them.
"
"Are you going to make me
guess the colour?"
"One or two orange-skinned Tamaranians expressed an interest. I.. turned them down. Oh, and a blue-skinned Okaaran with a fairly impressive set of-
" I make a curving gesture with both hands.
"-tusks.
"
Jade tilts her head downwards slightly and raises her eyebrows. "Tusks?"
"And she was seven feet tall and five feet wide. I mean…
" I shrug.
"Perfectly attractive by Okaaran standards-
" I lean towards her slightly.
"-but not really my thing. How about you? Meet any nice Earth boys?
"
"None worth more than two dates. Hm."
"What?
"
"I just thought half the reason why you said 'no' before you left was so you could have some fun before you came back. And the other half was that you didn't know how long it would be. But you didn't, and it's only been two months."
"If I'd
known it would only be two months…
"
"You really didn't have any sex at all?"
U
um. I pull away slightly.
"What..?
Exactly counts?
"
She raises her eyebrows. "If you have to
ask, it probably
counts."
"Uuugh.
" I look away for a moment.
"Well it… It didn't… Do anything for me, but…
"
"Now I'm
curious." Jade looks amused by my discomfort. "What didn't do anything for you?"
I avert my eyes for a moment.
"She
said they were spiracles.
"
Jade blinks, then frowns. "Spiracles?"
"They're what.. insects breathe through. Spider Guilders don't really-. They're not
exactly spiracles, but that was the closest translation. And… She needed anti-chafing cream applied-. And the back one was okay, because that actually
was a spiracle-.
"
Jade's expression has sort of
frozen. "Uh-huh."
"But then I got to the gap between her second and third sets of legs, and the hole
looked a little different? But she didn't
say anything?
"
"Oh God."
"So I thought, 'okay, just carry on', and... Now all of Vega thinks I'm a macroarachnophile.
"
Jade's mouth sort of opens and closes a few times. "O
h-h…"
"But that was
it, and like I said, it didn't do anything for me and I didn't even
realise it was sexual at the time. Moving-
"
She nods. "
Yes."
"-swiftly on, I
am a fully trained
humanoid masseur, so would you like me to finish your session? And then.. we could.. go and have dinner somewhere?
"
"Are you actually asking me
out?"
I lean further forwards, and kiss her lightly on the lips.
"Yes. I am. So?
"
She puts her knife down, and twists so that she's lying face down again. "My neck could use some attention."
"Ok-.
"
"
And my inner thighs."
I
grin.
"Happy to be of service.
"