Usagi Quest (CK3/Princess Maker) (Sailor Moon)

Lunaryon · May 7, 2022

Alright, can I get a d10 + 18 + 5 DC ??? for Sickness

Grue · May 7, 2022

Lunaryon said:
Alright, can I get a d10 + 18 + 5 DC ??? for Sickness

Moon Critical Rolling go.
EDIT: 6+18+5=29

TheForgottenOne · May 7, 2022

huh, can't tell if that good or bad

Lunaryon · May 7, 2022

Alright, now I am going to need a d10 + 18 + 5 - 3

Timaeus · May 7, 2022

New roll time

Edit: Well that's low. 2+18+5-3=22

Simon_Jester · May 7, 2022

infinityDivided said:
Is this supposed to be stream of thought?

Yes. I wrote that particular scene and I sometimes drop into a deliberately low-punctuation writing style for stretches of stream-of-thought writing.

infinityDivided said:
One thing I've noticed is that you tend to not separate adjectives with commas. I would personally type this line as "charming, cheerful, carnivorous grins". I'd maybe put the "carnivorous" in italics as well.

That one in particular was me; I can't comment on Lunaryon's general tendencies. I often drop commas when alliterating.

Should be "Lightning" if that is an official part of her title, "lightning" if it isn't.

I've seen "lightnings" used in a poetic sense, in the same general spirit that one might say something has been "cast to the winds" even though theoretically the plural of 'wind' is just 'wind.' Likewise "the waters of the deeps" and so on.

I think this was left in from when you or @Simon_Jester was editing the chapter.

Yep.

Should be "hers" and "her".

Yeah, don't know how those got through mutual editing.

Shouldn't be capitalized.

Actually, in that case, the problem is the colon; that should have been two separate sentences. That bit in Part 8 of Slumber Party

"...but she doesn't need to: Not when her magic..."
should read
"...but she doesn't need to. Not when her magic..."

Hyacinthium said:
Fun fact: Megumi Ogata, Haruka's VA has recently come out as somewhere along the lines of non-binary or X-gender. An English tweet explaining that was liked and reweeted by their account

Well, that was some accidentally perfect casting, then.

infinityDivided · May 7, 2022

Simon_Jester said:
Yes. I wrote that particular scene and I sometimes drop into a deliberately low-punctuation writing style for stretches of stream-of-thought writing.

Ah, that's what I thought.

In other news, part ten of the error-collecting is nearly done. Regrettably, the quotes I collected from the first two parts of the Night Market Raid somehow disappeared, and I frankly don't have the energy to reread the entire chapters all over again. Maybe in a few months when I reread the entire fic again I'll bring them up.

Lunaryon · May 7, 2022

And for round 3

D10 + 18 + 5 - 5 for round 3

SuperBigMac · May 7, 2022

Lunaryon said:
And for round 3

D10 + 18 + 5 - 5 for round 3

On it
4+18=22

FictionPack · May 7, 2022

Did Moon just go 3 rounds with a virus?

SuperBigMac · May 7, 2022

FictionPack said:
Did Moon just go 3 rounds with a virus?

Possibly. Either that, or those rolls were dealing with our chat with the Director.

Lunaryon · May 7, 2022

And for the final big push

1d10 + 54 DC DC 60 for Haigeki

NMS · May 7, 2022

Rolling

7 + 54 = 61

Lunaryon · May 7, 2022

Huh... Well then.

FictionPack said:
Did Moon just go 3 rounds with a virus?

Four actually. Which is saying something, because this is Usagi.

Grue · May 7, 2022

SuperBigMac said:
Possibly. Either that, or those rolls were dealing with our chat with the Director.

Rolls 1-3 were Learning, Round 4 was Prowess. Presumably it was hard to actually work out how to beat up a virus with a princess wand. Once Usagi realised she had to use the Level 1 form to seperate the victim she was able to actually punch the Byogen out, presumably.

FictionPack · May 7, 2022

Lunaryon said:
for Haigeki

.....
Haigeki is a technique used to tackle the opponent.
....
Did Moon get body checked by microscopic organisms?

Timaeus · May 7, 2022

FictionPack said:
.....
Haigeki is a technique used to tackle the opponent.
....
Did Moon get body checked by microscopic organisms?

No she was the doing the bodycheck obviously that is why her Prowess was being used. She probably bodychecked Daruizen the Byogen that was being grown in the girl we are trying to heal.

Silverking · May 7, 2022

Timaeus said:
No she was the doing the bodycheck obviously that is why her Prowess was being used. She probably bodychecked Daruizen the Byogen that was being grown in the girl we are trying to heal.

Sailor Moon: *holds out the Moon Rod* The power of the moon compels you! The power of the moon compels you!

Razzocnor · May 7, 2022

So, three rounds of 'trying to figure out how curing supernatural diseases works from first principles', followed by one round of 'it turns out you can just kick it in the face'.

Parabola · May 7, 2022

DC 60 against a disease, supernatural though it may be, is...

Nothing to sneeze at.

Lunaryon · May 7, 2022

Yeah... it technically started with a -10 vs holy magics, but it evolved and adapted from what it was exposed to

Simon_Jester · May 7, 2022

Lunaryon said:
Four actually. Which is saying something, because this is Usagi.

Hm.

Being a viral infection, I blame the part where it has her outnumbered a zillion to one.

FictionPack said:
.....
Haigeki is a technique used to tackle the opponent.
....
Did Moon get body checked by microscopic organisms?

Alternatively and even more confusing, did Sailor Moon just body check a bunch of microscopic organisms?

Because that would strongly suggest she was watching Kintoleski repel Zakenna possession by flexing and took notes.

...

Ah. This particular bunch of microscopic organisms is... a guy somehow. I see.

infinityDivided · May 7, 2022

@Lunaryon
Part ten, from ~~the start of the Night Market Raid~~ Part 3 of the Night Market Raid (The quotes I collected from the first few parts seemed to have vanished, and I'm sorry but I don't have the energy to reread them) to the latest update:

Lunaryon said:
and not ready to be truly shown to it's truest potential

Lunaryon said:
both weakening it's grip,

Lunaryon said:
and with it's weakened grip,

Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
almost hard for the girl to breath.

Should be "breathe".

Lunaryon said:
of Ice cold iron and bone white blades.

Shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
Hefting the massive blade over head, Sailor Uranus grins, shifting her stance so that the weapon is overhead,

You repeat yourself here.

Lunaryon said:
Worse... to Terrorize and maim

Shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
and to be free of it's influence.

Lunaryon said:
before returning the blade back to it's sheath.

Lunaryon said:
before it's own weight presses on the cuts,

Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
hit one of the Police Officers

Shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
those very same police officers move with precision are care,

Should be "precision and care".

Lunaryon said:
And for all that the final member of the fire time

Should be "fire-team".

Lunaryon said:
and the faintest scent of Diesel.

Probably shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
All of this has taken only a few seconds - Not even an entire minute, which perhaps shows why everyone in the battlefield comes to a stop as the actually quite close sound of gunfire begins, just from the other side of the Manor.

All of this has taken only a few seconds - Not even an entire minute, which perhaps shows why everyone in the battlefield comes to a stop when the actually quite close sounds of gunfire begins, just from the other side of the manor.

You repeat yourself here.

Lunaryon said:
that it isn't just as white as dried bone, but it actually made from Bone,

Should be "but it is actually made from bone".

Lunaryon said:
Then raising one leg, he Stomps.

Shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
In an instant, Uranus is there, glaring at each of the Senshi.

Is she supposed to be glaring at her allies, or is this supposed to be the samurai?

Lunaryon said:
The Senshi of the skies asks,

Should be capitalized if it's part of her title.

Lunaryon said:
Also a detail that seems to have gotten lost at some point in editting.

The lord's sword has a faint blue tint to the metal that it is made of, which is definitely not steel.

To the best of my knowledge you never edited this back in, though I could be wrong. And it isn't incredibly important anyway.

Lunaryon said:
stabbing out with his new swords

Doesn't he only have the one sword?

Lunaryon said:
"DIE!" The Lord roars out, taking a step forwards and swiping out with the heavy blade from one side. It's more than easy enough to dodge such a hefty and slow weapon, even if it might have looked terrifyingly quick to the gun toting members of the Tokyo Metro Police Department. What Jadeite can't help but find darkly amusing is the way that the Lord has to trail after his own weapon, the swipe forcing him to stumble forward in stuttering steps as the sheer weight of his own weapon drags him after it like an afterthought.

There is something odd happening there, but Jadeite doesn't have time to try and figure it out, not when the man finally starts to lift his weapon. And somehow, strangely, once the thing manages to pull free of the stone, the armor's whining and humming drops considerably to Jadeite's enhanced senses, as the Lord finally shifts into another strong stance, holding the weapon up like a great sword.

"Die!" The man roars out, taking a step foward and swiping with his blade out from one side. Dodging around such a massive an unwieldly weapon is almost depressingly easy, even with how fast he can swing the weapon, but what is actually amusing is the way that the weapon requires him to trail after it for a moment, taking steps as the sheer weight of the weapon drags him after it.

Lunaryon said:
There is a lomg moment

Lunaryon said:
and nearly chocked out

I realize it sounds petty of me, but I'd like to take this time to point out that I did mention these before.

Lunaryon said:
the Samurai's canonball firing gun,

Shouldn't be capitalized.
Should be "cannonball-firing".

Lunaryon said:
that her cram school was infiltrated by Demons,

Shouldn't be capitalized. Also I'd like to point out that technically it wasn't infiltrated so much as built and operated by them, but I get that Ami isn't exactly being rational at this exact moment.

Lunaryon said:
For everything that she has done to her personally,

Should be "he".

Simon_Jester said:
"We have a few. They need vita to live, but we have a lot of pigeons and bunny rabbits, so it works out(?)."

He smiles slightly. You nod, politely pretending that the non sequitur makes sense.

Apparently Usagi still sucks at math, because she still can't put two and two together. I bet like a week later she nearly jumped out of bed in the middle of the night going "Oh god, they're feeding innocent rabbits to the Youma!".

Simon_Jester said:
so far, have been better allies than many. I remember."

Should this period be here?

Lunaryon said:
The Current ministry isn't interested in western ideas like Passports or Customs checks."

These probably shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
confused look from the fire team,

Should be "fire-team".

Lunaryon said:
Singular snow flakes fall to the ground

Should be "snowflakes".

Lunaryon said:
"She's a super strong magic with who makes ice. I bet she's always a little wet.."

Is this supposed to be "magic witch"?
Extra period.

Lunaryon said:
and the second soldier just snorts. there's an easy companionship

Should be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
That's refreshing enough on it's own,

Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
each one glowing with a faint bronze green light that seems to come more from behind the weapon that in and out it, an aura that shimmers and wavers in the dim light of the Night Market.

This took me a bit to parse, but is this supposed to be "come more from behind the weapon than in and out of it"?

Lunaryon said:
"Turn around girl, go back to whatever hell hole you crawled out of."

Could be either "hellhole" or "hell-hole".

Lunaryon said:
He is Kuge

Isn't mentioning that kind of redundant when he also refers to him as a Lord?

Lunaryon said:
with only a few eyes peaking out.

Should be "peeking".

Lunaryon said:
willing to Petition

Shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
establishes a new Magical government."

Probably shouldn't be capitalized. Also, is MCAT really meant to be a new magical government? I thought that MCAT was created to be more of a magical military, investigation, and development arm of the Japanese government. Wouldn't establishing a new magical government be more trouble in the long run than just establishing the Japanese government in complete control? Why keep them separate?

Lunaryon said:
Sailor Mar's grin

Should be "Sailor Mars' grin".

Lunaryon said:
kinds of guns that the Police use,

Should be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
and on top of that there is the fact that these are guards for a weapon shop. It is entirely possible that the weapon, or the bullets themselves might be enchanted, and that could be a real problem.

Given the context, I think you were trying to specify that it's a magical weapon shop.

Lunaryon said:
landing in between the door of the bouncer,

Should be "and".

Lunaryon said:
before the shake the surprise and confusion off and move in.

Should be "they".

Lunaryon said:
where MCAT and it's forces

Lunaryon said:
With it's shoulders at the same level

Lunaryon said:
clearly sizing up it's prey,

Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
behind their seats in which ever direction

Should be "whichever".

Lunaryon said:
Don't they know that this is the Night Market.

Should be a question mark.

Lunaryon said:
"So it seems that Public Japan has learned a bit about it's 'big brother'.

Is this a specific title?
Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
"Hello Mars." A familiar, but distinctly different voice than last time comes through the communicator.

I don't think Mars ever actually heard Pluto's voice before? The only time they got in contact was when she was stonewalling them with fake error messages.

Lunaryon said:
intimidating in it's own way.

Lunaryon said:
fanning her self with one hand

Should be "herself".

Lunaryon said:
Even now, the gems atop her head can feel their mother's rage, and it makes them antsy.

So what happens to the Gem/Spider/Golem things when Naru transforms into Sei? Are they a part of her appearance, are they hidden under the illusion, or what?

Lunaryon said:
With it's steeply slanted roof,

Simon_Jester said:
"Turns out(?) it's easier to twist the body than the (guess-ah?).

...Oh, the word is geas. That was tripping me up.

Simon_Jester said:
"If you want to come right back here, that's okay, but we could use your help giving us a teleport. Sailor V's friends Emma and Elina apparently planned an afterparty for us…"[/i]

Formatting error.

Lunaryon said:
All the while, Sailor Moon can barely see the glimmering of gemstones making their way up and along the legs of the beast. Sei's creations are attacking with all their worth, biting and chewing through the metal that makes the creature up in order to gather magic for their mother.

Sei only has the two of those with her, right? Why'd she send them out here?

Lunaryon said:
Sei scowls at the Tuxedo Wearing warrior

Assuming that Tuxedo isn't meant to be capitalized, should be "tuxedo-wearing".

Lunaryon said:
it's claws instead focused first

Lunaryon said:
quickly managing to peel it's way free.

Lunaryon said:
and with a heavy kick the she blows the door open,

Unneeded word.

Lunaryon said:
"I... Please. If you ask me that, if you actually ask it- I have to fight to protect this place."

Sei goes quiet,

Added missing quotation marks.

Lunaryon said:
"Strong enough to break the Slavery bonds."

Lunaryon said:
To be able to free the Catgirl,

Probably shouldn't be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
with a snap forward it's pokes at the pad

Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
There is something life changing about what has just happened,

Should be "life-changing".

Lunaryon said:
The young man knows what what was the source of that power, but if there is anything that might relate to the prophecy which he is here to search for, it would have been that.

Okay, from context this should be "knows not what was the source".

Lunaryon said:
back the other way as Mar's fire slams on the far side.

Should be "Mars' fire".

Lunaryon said:
with so many different conflicting imputs,

Should be "inputs".

Lunaryon said:
such concepts as bad are beyond the things capability

Should be "thing's".

Lunaryon said:
the center of it's mass

Should be "its".

Lunaryon said:
the two chain carrying Senshi pass

Should be "chain-carrying".

Simon_Jester said:
I'm hearing, uh… Rapport Attuned Crystal Potentiality Amplifier."

Minako looks

Added missing period.

Lunaryon said:
the member of the Police force with the Electric magic

"Police" shouldn't be capitalized, not sure if "Electric" should be.

Lunaryon said:
The non-planetary senshi mutters out,

Should be capitalized.

Lunaryon said:
the tall wrough-iron gates

Should be "wrought-iron".

One thing I noticed that I don't want people to miss just because it was in the spoiler:

Lunaryon said:
The collar doesn't fall from the cat girl's neck, but only because in the gap between one moment and the next the very metal and leather is no more, squashed out of existence by the weight of the girl's distaste.

Okay, so either the collars are less true metal and leather and more extensions of the master enchantment, or the text was being 100% literal and Naru annihilated it with just sheer hatred.

...That actually might have been one of the greatest displays of power throughout this entire Quest, and it had been from the "weakest" member of the Senshi.

And with that, I'm done. Good luck with all that Lunaryon.

GoukaRyuu · May 7, 2022

Parabola said:
DC 60 against a disease, supernatural though it may be, is...

Nothing to sneeze at.

Dad? You're back from getting the paper?!

SuperBigMac · May 7, 2022

GoukaRyuu said:
Dad? You're back from getting the paper?!

Yeah, but now he has to go milk some cigarettes.

Usagi Quest (CK3/Princess Maker) (Sailor Moon)

Dual Aurora Wave

滅亡迅雷

Dual Aurora Wave

Professional Likebot

Prince Of Doom

Dual Aurora Wave

My titles: MacTheEditor; SuperiorPosterior

Monochromatic Ursine

My titles: MacTheEditor; SuperiorPosterior

Dual Aurora Wave

Dual Aurora Wave

滅亡迅雷

Monochromatic Ursine

Professional Likebot

Divided Loyalties Librarian

Dual Aurora Wave

Prince Of Doom

Shadow Cabal Made Man

My titles: MacTheEditor; SuperiorPosterior