THIS DOCUMENT HAS BEEN CONFISCATED BY GUN AS EVIDENCE. FOR AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.
Story:Electric Love by little Thundertech
Author's note: First story for you to bask in my skill!
In a lab atop a hill, there was a chinchilla performing her amazing experiments to create a better, no, a perfect world! That chinchilla's name was Thunderbolt, voted most desired Mobian for several years running. She was so engrossed in her work with her new exoskeleton suit that she missed the tapping of feet approaching her.
"Thunderbolt, my ingenious and perfectly normal sized master! I have some news for you!" her henchmen yells as he runs in, a shirtless wolf Mobian.
"Cafe!" she yells. "I told you not to interrupt me when I'm being a genius! This better not be another attempt to get a date out of me, because you know where my heart belongs."
"My apologies ma'am, I'm just so enamored with your round body, it is the natural height of beauty! But this is important."
"Then explain!"
"Your fiance has been kidnapped!"
She drops her screwdriver and gasps, "they dare to harm my love? Who! Who kidnapped him!"
"It's Sonic the Hedgehog, he could not stand the fact that he was ranked as the least eligible bachalor and he's planning to disfigure the most handsome man's face in revenge!"
"The gall of that hedgehog, trying to harm him!" She jumps straight into her suit and buckles it up. It's a masterpiece of machinery with a (SECTION HAS BEEN CENSORED ON ACCOUNT OF HAVING CONCERNINGLY DETAILED AND ACCURATE INFORMATION ON HOW TO BUILD A WEAPONS PLATFORM, PLEASE SEE DOCUMENT TB-1.4 FOR MORE DETAILS). The rockets are enough to handle him, even at his fastest. Jumping up into the sky and activating her thrusters, she flies off find that hedgehog.
Meanwhile, in a cave there sits the smartest, handsomest, most GLORIOUS mustached man in the world! He glares at the terrible creature before him, the hedgehog smelling of guano and sweat having not showered a single day in his life!
"Hehehe, I have you now Egghead! Once I fix your face no one will ever love you. Not even your fiance, Thunderbolt!"
"You ignoramus, there is more to my beauty than my devilish good looks. My true beauty is my fantastic mind and personality, and I know my love would not think me lesser. Besides, I can surely fix anything you do to me!"
"Oh yeah? We'll see about that," Sonic growls, holding special scissors imbued with the power of the Chaos Emeralds. "With these I'll cut your precious mustache. It will be uneven and tangled, and worst of all it will freeze your hairs, making them as hard as rock. You will be stuck with the ugly haircut forever!"
"Nooo! Don't touch my glorious mustache!" he begs as the scissors approach.
Suddenly the cave shakes, causing Sonic to stop. He hears the sound of Thunderbolt's great chariot, ready to beat in his stupid looking face. He brandishes his scissors, ready to fight. However, the last thing he expects to happen, happens, as the earth behind him explodes into a shower of rock, throwing him onto his back. Opening his eyes he sees the person before him, the chinchilla who has kicked his ass numerous times.
"Haha, stupid hedgehog! Are you ready for another beating?"
"Not if I beat you first!"
He jumps up and prepares to punch her, but he is stopped as a fist meets his face. Flung to the ground and scissors out of his hands, Thunderbolt throws out her electric capture wire made from (CENSORED FOR CONCERNINGLY DETAILED INFORMATION ON WEAPON CREATION) shocking him into unconsciousness.
"My love! You've come to save me!" Eggman calls out to her.
"Of course sir, after all, what kind of fiance would I be if I couldn't protect you," she says, untying him from the stalagmite.
"Now that you have rescued me, I do believe you deserve a reward."
(THE REST OF THIS DOCUMENT HAS BEEN CENSORED ON ACCOUNT OF DISTURBING MATERIAL. ONLY FOR THE EYES OF HIGH RANKING OFFICERS.
Even if you're high ranking, for your mental well being we recommend against reading the rest for any reason. There is no reason to read the rest, and this is only kept for official documentation reasons, the only thing you will get out of reading this is a mandate to get therapy-GUN high command)
King Crab said:
Please list this as ADULT. I did not need to see... that part. Honestly, no one needed to read that part.
Author reply: As far as I care, me and Eggman's love is the purist thing on this planet. If you don't want to see it, leave this site!
TopBlaster said:
Holy shit, for the hell of it I tried making the rocket launcher you described and IT ACTUALLY WORKS! How!?
Author reply: Hehe, I'm something of a genius. Not Eggman level of course, but I like to think I'm one of the best
Robbingrobbings said:
Never write again.
Author reply: You people don't have ANY FUCKING TASTE!
LostPuppet123 said:
I've been looking for some information about my father. Um, I don't mean to be mean since you've clearly put a lot of work into this, but I stopped once it got to the... part where you took his shirt off. Please, please, stay away from my dad(?) uncle(?) Family(?)
Author reply: I'm only into Eggman, I don't know what makes you think I'd be interested in some random ass person's dad. Unlessssss your dad looks like Eggman? Can I get a picture? Edit: You blocked me!? FUCK YOU, I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID AND UGLY ASS DAD ANYWAY!
Purrrplegirl said:
Thunderbolt the chinchilla? Fuck, I didn't think you were into Eggman like that! I'm calling GUN on you.
Author reply: You're doxxing me!? Two can play at that game, bitch! (INFORMATION CENSORED FOR CITIZEN PRIVACY)
SonicIsAwesome said:
Sonic is cooler
Author reply: COME HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE ASSHOLE, I WILL DESTROY YOU! TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE!