Puella Magi Megami Tensei

[TremendousMilk3]

[X] One pun to rule them all.

"...Uh, sorry about that." You say to Kyoko, "I don't know why he aimed at you instead of me. I mean, the ways we fight aren't even remotely similar!"

"Maybe it's the hair?" Kyoko replies, not turning to you, "I mean, it's a close match for--"

"You fucking bitch!!" The man screams at you, trying to scamper away on his back, "You chopped my hand off, you psycho--!!"

"Oh, relax, you big baby!" You plant your foot on his chest to keep him from going anywhere, "It wasn't even the whole hand! Now stop whining, you're getting blood everywhere." You gather the man's fingers, and carefully begin to put them back on.

(YUMI: DIARAMA)
(HE'S PROBABLY GONNA PULL SOME SIMILAR SHIT, BUT OKAY.)

"...Done. Do you want a lollipop?" You ask with a smile.

"Fuck you." The man growls, beginning to--

The sound of rattling chains echoes through the parking lot, and suddenly...

...The man is wrapped up in chains, dangling from the walkway.

"What?" Kyoko asks defensively, "It's convenient!"

"I didn't say anything!" You smile, "Now, onto more pressing matters..." You waltz up to the dangling man, "I've gotta hand it to you, I didn't expect you guys to swing around so bloody soon." Your grin widens, "Now, would you kindly finger why your boss was so facepalmingly eager to send you guys back for round two?"

Kyoko gives you a dirty look, then rolls her eyes.

"Why the fuck should I tell you anything?!" The man snarls.

"Summoner! I've un-shot that guy!" Nadja announces as Satoshi walks over to you.

"...Thanks." Satoshi says, unsure of what else to say.

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] "May I please use your telephone, oh sir crazed gunman?"

You look to Kyoko, a terrible grin on your face. In turn, she begins to get nervous.

You produce your favorite instrument of interrogation, more commonly known as the bucket.

"Wait, you kept that?!" Kyoko blurts, "Why did you keep that?!"

"...It's a bucket?" Satoshi says, still instinctively holding his side.

"You think I'm scared of a fucking bucket, bitch?" The idiot sneers, "You're just as dumb as--?!"

You slam the bucket onto his head. "Let me introduce you..." You reel your hand back, "...To my negotiator!"

(STR ROLL: 14+5)
OOC: Somewhere, Kirika flinches.

A large clang echoes through the area, and you hear Dumbass wail in pain.

"Fucking shit! God damnit!" He curses, thrashing violently in his chains, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"So..." You lift the bucket up, just high enough so that he can see, "...Would you mind if I used your phone? Maybe your boss would be more willing to talk!"

"I don't have a cellphone!" Dipshit shouts out, "Honest!"

"Oh, you can use mine!" Satoshi hands you his phone, "She's labeled as "Oracle" in there!"

"You piece of shit!" The Marina Trench of IQ roars, "You'd betray us, just like--!!"

"You shot me!" Satoshi argues.

"You failed your objective!" You've run out of insults to this guy's sheer idiocy, "So who's really to blame?!"

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] Do it again.

Your grin widens as you slide the bucket down over his face again.

Kyoko shrugs, backing off.

(STR ROLL: 18+5)

Now that one made a nice noise! What a tone! You think you'll--

"Stop it, you fucking psycho bitch!" The Chronic Dumbass wails, "Stop!"

"Yeah, Yumi, lay off him for a minute!" Kyoko steps forward, a malicious smirk on her face, "It's my turn."

You back away, taking Satoshi's phone from him. "Thanks." You nod.

"Hey, you saved my life!" Satoshi says, sincerity clear in his voice, "It's the least I can do!"

You look down at the flip-phone Satoshi handed you, and scroll down to...

...Nope, not the contact list. Maybe you can...

...Oh, there it is! You dial the number, and wait.

Ring, ring...

Ring, ring...

Ring, r--

"You better be calling to tell me about your success." The woman on the phone demands, "Otherwise, I might just have to leak our last "favor"."

"Oh, you actually picked up!" You say, walking farther away as to not get distracted, "So, you're this "Oracle", right?"

"Who the hell are you?!" The Oracle shouts into your ear, "How did you get his phone?! Why didn't I see it?!"

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] Bruh.

"I'm been trying to reach you regarding your Prophecy's extended warranty!" You start off cheerfully, "Namely, you've seemed to encounter someone who doesn't appear in your sight."

"And I suppose that's you?" The Oracle sneers.

"Guilty as charged." You shake your head, "But enough about that. Could you please explain to me why you seem to be incapable of understanding even the concept of not trying to murder my best friend instead of, oh I don't know..." Your anger seems to get the better of you, "...Taking out the Disciples and stopping their prophecy that way?!"

"Oh, like that's so easy!" The Oracle retorts, "Like I didn't fucking look ahead at that and saw it was a shit idea! This is the next best thing, you stupid kid! If you were smart, you'd be cutting her thr--!"

"Okay, listen, fuckhead." You nearly snarl, dropping any semblance of civility, "I already have enough on my plate right now with the Disciples invading tomorrow, various unrelated demons running amok, and all of this bullshit I've stumbled into. Don't make me add your little overzealous book club to that list."

"You fucking idiot." The Oracle groans, "I want the world to exist by then. How am I, the person trying to save all existence, the bad guy in your eyes? You're a dumb fucking kid who's gonna get everyone killed. You're a threat to my Unity." The Oracle growls into your ear, "I'll have your head by this day's end."

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] "Shiver me timbers...!"

"Oh me oh my, I'm shaking in my boots." You reply, completely deadpan. Quickly, you put Satoshi's phone on speaker, and record with your own.

"Do you think this is a game?!" The Oracle shouts, "I just put out a warrant for your death, and you can't even comprehend that?!"

"You know what?" You begin before she continues, "I might've been willing to hear your side of the story, but this isn't about saving the world, is it? Your "Unity"?" You jab accusingly, "There's a lot more going on besides "saving the world", isn't there?!"

"As if a child like you could understand!" The Oracle sneers back, "Sacrifices must be made for the greater good, and this is the greatest good! You would let the Disciples march in here, take their little shit back, and fuck us all out of a future?!"

"Yo, Yumi?" Pixie floats up beside you, "Oh, you're busy!" She whispers, falling back.

"Hino's mongrel needs to die!" The Oracle roars, "And if you can't see that, then we'll just kill you, too! See you soon, you little bitch!" She hangs up in a huff.

You stop recording, and put your phone away. Then, you turn to--?

Shoji and Kohaku are standing behind you, both clearly shocked by your conversation.

No one speaks for a moment.

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] "WHY ARE THERE FUCKING TWO?!"

"...This is getting outta hand..." You grumble, "There's two now. Two cults, folks." You say a bit louder.

"...I figured." Shoji speaks slowly, "So, you're gonna--?"

"Second verse, same as the first. Yup." You nod, turning your attention to Pixie, "You needed to talk?"

"I was gonna tell you that they're fine," Pixie points to your friends, "But you kinda saw that already."

"Thanks anyways!" You smile at your tiny pal, "Now, let me call Uncle Raido!"

You pull out your own phone, quietly handing Satoshi's phone back to him, and dial up your uncle.

Ring, r--

"Yumi, are you okay?!" Uncle Raido asks, "I'm almost there!"

"Wh-- Yeah, everyone's fine!" You stammer out, caught off guard by your uncle's sudden questions, "I just wanted to tell you about...?" You trail off as you spot Raido's car barreling down the street, and skidding to a stop.

Instantly, he rushes out, revolver in hand. "Yumi!" He calls, running over to you, "What happened?! There were reports of an active shooter!"

You stare at your uncle for a moment, completely unable to speak for a moment.

Raido looks around the area. He sees the dumbass who tried to shoot Kyoko suspended in chains.

The man is still wearing the bucket.

Raido looks back at you.

"This is... Gonna take a minute to explain." You tell him. "Let's all head inside! Kyoko, uh, keep watch?"

Kyoko gives you a thumbs up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sayaka, is something wrong?" You ask quietly, working on an assignment with her, "You seem out of it."

"What isn't wrong?" Sayaka replies, clearly downtrodden, "I mean, I didn't just pick this up to heal him, but... Hitomi just got the app!" She laments to you, "And she's already got healing spells! A-And now, she's...!"

"Sayaka..." You reach over to grab her shoulder, "...What happened on the roof? With Hitomi?"

"How am I gonna heal Kyosuke if I can't...?!" She trails off, biting back her words, "...I just don't know what to do anymore...!"

You...

You've never seen Sayaka like this before. You feel powerless.

You don't know what to do...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"...So now, they're coming here." You huff in frustration, "Today."

Raido grimaces. "Of course." He sighs, "So, do we know how many they're sending? How well armed they are, what demons they have?"

"Uh, most of the others only have knives and guns and stuff." Satoshi answers, "And there's only about fifty of 'em, the Oracle included. She can use magic, though, so watch out."

Everyone stares at Satoshi for a moment.

"...Thanks." Raido nods, "Anything else we need to--?"

"They're after me." Kohaku mutters, tears in her eyes, "They're after me."

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] *affectionately* "Get hugged, idiot."

You shake your head, springing up out of your seat and approaching Kohaku. Shoji seems to understand the assignment, and gets up to follow you.

Kohaku's eyes widen in shock as you both embrace her tightly.

"Hey, what did I tell you this morning?" You reiterate, not relenting even a bit, "We're here for you, we're not leaving, and we're more than capable of kicking their collective ass."

"You are, but yeah to the other stuff." Shoji adds quietly.

"But I--!!"

"Hey, that Oracle is pissed at both of us, now!" You shrug, "So there!"

"But only because I--!!"

"Kohaku, you're not gonna convince Yumi when she gets like this." Shoji sighs, "Believe me, I've tried. Just accept that she's always gonna be there for you."

"It's inevitable, 'Haku!" You snicker, "You're my friend!"

After a moment of tense silence...

...Kohaku returns your embrace.

"...If you guys get hurt for me..." She says in a wavering voice, "...I'll hate you forever...!"

She's crying on you. You don't mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You quietly wave the former cultist, Satoshi, away from the kids and out the door with you. Once you're outside, you lean over the railing. He joins you on your left.

"Where are these people located?" You ask him, "How many bodies do they have to throw around?"

"They're coming here, so we won't have to worry about finding 'em." Satoshi reveals, "The Oracle said so herself on the phone."

You take a deep breath, and sigh. "How long do we have?"

"Thirty minutes. They've got a couple trucks for everyone." Satoshi looks to the road, "We can expect about... Fifty guys to come by."

"Perfect." You grumble, "So, how many of them can use magic?"

"Not many, 'sides the Oracle herself." He tells you, eyes not leaving the road, "Even then, no one besides the Oracle is strong enough to use it in a fight. She's the main threat."

"What kind of magic?" You probe deeper, "Fire, Ice, or...?"

"She can shoot lightning from her hands."

"Okay, anything else?" You mentally note to try Force magic.

"...Purple shit, I guess?" Satoshi sounds unsure, "I haven't personally seen it, but I heard rumors."

"I'll take rumors. I'd rather be over prepared than underprepared. But besides that, if she's a no show, can you lead us to--?"

"Yeah, sure!" Satoshi nods, "I can lead you right to her!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you finally zone back in, you feel Kohaku and Shoji trying to free themselves from your embrace.

You relent, and they each step back a little.

"Were you always that strong?!" Kohaku asks, bewildered, "I couldn't move an inch!"

"I thought I was gonna die...!" Shoji rubs his arm.

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] "I'm stronk."

"Uh, sorry, guys!" You chuckle, scratching the back of your head, "I guess I'm still getting used to how quickly my strength grows now!"

"Damn...!" Shoji eyes your Gauntlet, "Is that what fighting demons does?"

"Just, um, don't go power tripping, okay?" Kohaku smiles awkwardly.

"Pssh, who, me?" You smile back much less awkwardly, "No, I'd never! Besides, that's why you guys keep me in check, right?"

Shoji looks skeptical about your claim, but before he can comment...

...Raido enters your apartment, followed closely by Satoshi.

"When did you two slip out?" You ask, genuinely curious.

"About the time you had that hugging session." Satoshi answers automatically, "Me and him were just talking."

"You keep interesting company, Yumi." Raido grins, albeit just a little, "Now, we're going to need a plan if we're going to successfully defend your home."

"Yeah, of course!" You nod, "I've been thinking of something that could help, and I wanted to run it by you first!"

"Okay, shoot."

"So, you know the spell Fog Breath? So-- Kyoko!" You snap your fingers, jumping up from the table, "I gotta go get her real quick!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Gabby!" You greet your ex-colleague warmly, "Nice look! Were you going for "Church girl who's part of a humanitarian effort"? Because you've got that down pat!"

Gabriel rolls her eyes, "It's called dressing conspicuously, Lucifer. Maybe if you didn't wear expensive suits all the time, you would actually know this."

You put your hands up in faux-defense, "Come on, everyone loves a good tuxedo!"

Gabriel, obviously, does not believe you.

"...Anyways, it's good to see you in a physical form! You know, semi-transparent was never really your sty--?"

"Lucifer, you called me here." Gabriel sits down at the small table, "What do you want?"

"To catch up!" You say, sitting across from her, "You know, I always got along with you the best, out of all the other Archangels!" You smile, "Honestly, there isn't a better listener in all--"

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Gabriel cuts you off, "Now, if you're going to ask for something, just do it."

"...See, I have a little... What do you call it-- ah!" You snap your fingers, "A slight dilemma."

"A dilemma?" She repeats.

"Only a slight one." You correct quickly, "There's a summoner, and boy, does she show promise!"

"You speak of Yumi?"

"No, although she's quite the tough one as well!" You smile a little wider, "This one is named Homura."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"...So, that's our plan?" Raido asks, "It's not bad. Sow confusion among their ranks with fog, take them down as peacefully as we can, then go straight for this Oracle?"

"Yeah, she just said that." Kyoko comments, "Why'd you repeat it?"

"Just so we're all on the same page." Raido nods, "Any last minute preparations?"

"Do you need to fuse any demons?" You ask, "'Cause I know a guy!"

"No, I'm alright." Raido sighs, "If you need to do anything, then please be quick about it."

"Yeah, we've only got, like, fifteen minutes before they get here!" Satoshi stresses.

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"This is the calm before the storm, yes?"

 

[TremendousMilk3]

[X] Plan Lull Them To Sleep

"Do you have anything that has Fog Breath, uncle?" You ask, "Or is Wendigo our only option for that?"

"No, your demon is the only one with Fog Breath." Raido shakes his head, "Why do you ask?"

"I'm gonna see if I can fuse something to take them down non-lethally." It might just be wishful thinking, but you should still try. "Kyoko, come here for a sec."

Kyoko hesitantly approaches, "...Why?"

"Soul Gem cleanse?" You hold up your Gauntlet as an offer.

"...Fuck it, why not?" Kyoko touches her Soul Gem to the screen, and...

(YOU GOT 14 MACCA!)

...The coins clatter onto the table.

"Grief money?" Kyoko states apprehensively at the pile of coins, "You cleansed my Gem for chump change?"

"It's literally free money!" You tell her, "You fight, you win, you cleanse, free money!"

Kyoko's apprehensiveness quickly disappears. "Well, when you put it like that..."

"Uh, be right back!" You wave as fast as you can, "Fusions!"

You hear Kohaku utter an "Um--!" before you're at Mido's.

"Welcome to--"

"Sorry, Mido! Pressed for time!" You cut him off, "Can you fuse up Oni and Wendigo, and keep Fog Breath and Rampage?"

"Of course!" Mido smiles, stepping over to his computer...

(FUSION ROLL: 91)

...And the familiar face of Doppelganger greets you.

Mind you, the face is only familiar because it's your's, but whatever.

"Okay, next I need..." You look to the Compendium, and resummon a couple of demons.

[[¥8429 DEDUCTED.]]

"...Those guys fused, and keep Acid Breath and Tarukaja!" You finish.

Mido nods, tapping away on his keyboard...

(FUSION ROLL: 3)
(ACCIDENT ROLL: 20)
OOC: ...Cool.

The room shakes violently as Mido's screen fills with errors, until...!

...There's a man standing in front of you, dressed in a tattered uniform. There's a rifle of some kind hanging off of his shoulder by a strap, a pistol on his hip, and a knife sheathed on his chest.

He looks at you, revealing...!

His face is ripped to shreds.

"What the fuck...?" The man grumbles in a raspy voice, "...Never had a woman CO before. Eh, don't matter. Callsign is Devil Dog, let's crack some skulls."

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[TremendousMilk3]

[X] Plan No Time

You wave quickly as Devil Dog steps away from the middle of the room. "Um, Mido, can we--?"

"We can keep going!" Mido cheerfully gives a thumbs up, "What is your next fusion?"

"Doppelganger and Caladrius, keep Makarakarn and Me Patra!" You hurriedly tell him.

Mido nods, tapping away again...

(FUSION ROLL: 63)

...And in a flash of light, there's a...

...Rainbow worm?

"Yurlungur." It says it's name, "Hello."

It seems this demon is very soft spoken. You dismiss both Yurlungur and Devil Dog, and resummon a couple of demons.

[[¥8429 DEDUCTED.]]

"These two again, same skills, please!" You're starting to get a little nervous...

(FUSION ROLL: 13)

The room rattles, but the correct demon appears this time. You feel like you can breathe once again.

The strange skeletal demon begins to chuckle, "Hee, hee, hee! You are to be my master? I hope you can handle the power of Kwancha...!"

Begrudgingly, you resummon Incubus yet again.

[[¥5412 DEDUCTED.]]

"Kwancha and Incubus, Zanma and Acid Breath!" You begin to pace a little...

"Just a moment, summoner!" Mido begins again...

(FUSION ROLL: 18)

Again, the room rattles, but nothing abnormal comes of it. You look at the demon you just summoned...

...Wow. She looks... Pretty. No, you're not blushing.

"I am Lorelei, dear summoner..." She speaks in a soft, motherly voice, "You're certainly brave to call upon me..." She smiles as she disappears into your Gauntlet.

...On that note, you quickly resummon Oni.

[[¥1328 DEDUCTED]]

You wave to Mido and exit as he says, "Return when you have gathered more demons!"

You look out to the road--!

There's a truck parked on the side of the road, and two men are getting out of it. One has a small revolver in his hands, and the other has a fire axe.

There are more men in the bed of the truck, but it's hard to count them when they're all wearing cloaks.

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