Thank you so much to those still following, I am not sure why this chapter was so hard to do but eventually, I just powered through it. Credit for editing again goes to @Susano.
Chapter 8
Gendo speared the center of his warm egg with a prong of his fork, spilling the sticky yellow yolk within across his white plate and onto his waiting toast. Grunting in quiet satisfaction,
absentmindedly, he brushed a crumb of brown bread from his beard and looked across the table to his companion, who only stirred her coffee weakly. It was always like this between them in these odd twilight hours, where things were not clear. Soon both would be at work and he would be the commander and she would be his subordinate.
It was easier in the dark. There it all seemed to melt away into simple comfort.
All women feel like Yui in the dark. It was harder at times like this: the morning light only seemed to bring questions and doubts in his mind.
"You have an admirer." Gendo snapped out of his own thoughts to see Ritsuko's smiling face. Following her gaze, he spied one of her cats sitting on a chair next to him, gazing intently.
"He's just hungry," Gendo said, scrapping some of the yolk off his plate with his forefinger and offering it to the feline, whose name he could not recall. The beast lapped it up with vigor after a moment's hesitation.
"I don't know why," Ritsuko laughed before taking a careful sip of her coffee. "It's not like I don't feed the blighter."
"Some things are always hungry," Gendo explained evenly, feeling the rough tongue of the cat on his finger. "They don't know when their next meal is coming, so they take all they can get."
Ritsuko nodded. "I suppose so..." Her laugh disappeared and Gendo returned his gaze to the woman, following her vision again to the thick red scars on his outstretched hand. Swearing under his breath, he stuck his hand in his pocket. "I wish you had come to me for that. It looks like it healed rather badly. It would have been no trouble for me to..."
"It's fine," Gendo said sternly and with more authority then he wanted to. "You had important things to do. We both did." Feeling a deep awkwardness approach, Gendo got up and scratched the cat with his unscarred hand before heading to the door. "Speaking of which..." Reaching the hall, Gendo picked up the worn leather overnight bag he had left there the night before.
Feeling Ritsuko's gaze on his back, Gendo turned around and saw her open her mouth before closing it again. Finally, spoke up weakly, "You can leave that here if you like. It's no trouble; I can just throw it in with my stuff."
Gendo paused for a moment and then shrugged, leaving the bag by his feet "Very well then. I will see you later, Doctor Akagi."
Ritsuko smiled back at him weakly. "You as well, commander."
*
Mari gritted her teeth as she walked down the hall towards the small gymnasium. Another day, another delay from Nevada. She was getting quite tired of being disappointed. In some ways she was the only one who truly knew how Unit 4 worked, a position that made her both highly valuable and constantly in danger. The head of project E stopped, took a deep breath and tried to put on a happy face before entering the gym. It would do no good to give Shinji any more reason to worry then he already had.
Walking into the room, she rolled her eyes: a few mats, two machines, a stack of weights, and a punching bag were hardly a model for fitness training. She could not understand; did they not train their pilot? Looking over to Shinji, she sighed again. "You've been here a while. You know, just because you don't have to sleep doesn't mean you should wander around all night."
Shinji stopped for a moment to turn to his guardian, sweat dripping from his bare chest as he moved out of the way of the swinging bag. "I know. I just couldn't seem to stay down, so I came here to clear my head. I guess I lost track of time." He resumed striking the solid mass of the bag, raining blow after blow with a steady rhythm.
"Still thinking about that boy you mentioned?" Mari sat down on the bench near the weights and raised an eyebrow. "If his family gave you any trouble, you know you can ask Section 2 to..."
Shinji shook his head as he laid into the bag, jostling it by the chain with each hit. "It's not that! Toshiro was actually really nice, I just..."
"Just what?" Mari tried to be patient, but sometimes Shinji needed some pushing.
"He said I should visit him in the hospital and said he would talk to Touji about it but I'm not sure what to do."
Mari tried to look calm as she pinched the brow of her nose. "You know, you don't have to personally look after everyone who was hurt by a battle you were in. There will be many more of these... You're going to drive yourself nuts if you keep-"
Shinji slammed his fist into the bag once more. "I know!" To Mari's shock, the bag came loose from the ceiling, flying several feet into the opposite wall with a mighty thud. After a moment of surprise, Shinji winced, then quickly covered up his wrist, which seemed to be glowing a pale red. "It... uh... The chain must have come loose."
Mari rolled her eyes. "Must have. Listen, you should probably stop for now, neither of us needs to be yelled at by Akagi again. Besides, you should start getting ready for school. Maybe that will cheer you up." She stopped when she saw how defeated Shinji was looking. "Shinji. Seriously, it's not your fault. Things happen. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Shinji thought for a moment, catching his breath. "Look, I don't know what kind of... stuff you have going on, or what NERV has hidden away, but is there anything we can do to help him? All he wanted to do was save his sister and now he is like this."
"Shinji." Mari wished she could undo this knot, she wished it had never formed, and she was damned sure that she wished she had never contributed to its creation. But for good or ill this was Shinji's drive, his reason to fight, and Mari needed him to keep fighting. They all did. "I can... I will do what I can. I know there were a few projects that NERV ate up that might be applicable, and if that fails, I suppose the least I could do is transfer him to a better facility, maybe give a good word to his doctors, try and speed something along. You know, sometimes I forget you can be like this, playing champion to someone you've never met. I can only hope he finds the gratitude to thank you properly."
Shinji looked at his feet. "Thank you. I mean, I just want to do what I can. I know I can't help everyone, but I just feel like I have to do something."
Mari got up and walked over to Shinji, wrapping her arms around him. "You're a good kid, Shinji. I wish that things were better."
*
*
Ritsuko smiled as she spied her friend on the other side of the cafeteria, where the captain was placing her coffee on her tray and waving her card at the machine. She and Misato had not seen each other much since the latter had arrived, and then much less since the incident with Shinji. So now it's my turn to play the concerned friend and reach out. She shook her head. What have I come to?
If she didn't do something now, Misato would just keep slinking away farther and farther and deeper into one of her bottles. With a look of forced cheerfulness, Ritsuko plopped her tray in front of the captain and sat down. "And how are you this afternoon?"
Misato grunted and put down her burger before looking up at her friend "Well enough, or as well as one could be if they were forced to deal with the JSSDF all morning."
Ritsuko laughed. "That bad, huh?"
Misato shook her head. "I swear those people will be the death of me. They complain about not being used and then in the next breath complain that NERV is abusing their authority by telling them what to do."
Ritsuko took a sip of her coffee and sighed. "It's a balancing act. NERV needs their continual cooperation but does not want to come off as invaders. Tokyo 3 is both Japanese territory and anything but."
Misato chuckled. "Like the Vatican, except we don't get funny hats."
Ritsuko pointed a finger. "You could always threaten to bring down the commander on them. He seems to put some fear in the brass. You know, superiors are good for more than just the occasional punching bag." At that Misato went cold again, looking off to the side and avoiding contact. Sighing, Ritsuko downed the rest of her coffee "You ever going to tell me about those days? Are you?"
Misato poked her burger weakly. "Rits... I'm not sure what to say. Things got really blurry after a while. And it wasn't just the fighting it's... how do you tell a woman and her kids that you'll be moving on soon, and there might not be another food shipment for a while?"
Ritsuko shook her head, suddenly losing her appetite for the food in front of her as a foul feeling seemed to rise in her gut. "Things were bad then, they still are in a lot of places, but all we can do is try and make things better right?" Ritsuko shrugged "I mean fuck, last week we saved the world, didn't we? That has to count for something."
Misato went cold. "I'm not sure what we did exactly. The way I remember it, you and your crew barked out numbers while we stood frozen to the spot as we saw our monster kill theirs. It was hardly a stroke of tactical genius."
Trying to shift the topic away from Shinji, Ritsuko stopped for a moment, trying to think of something to say. "Speaking of monsters, did you hear what they are planning with Unit 0?" Misato shook her head but seemed to hold some interest. "She ordered all the archived GEHIRN data be pulled from storage and I have no doubt she's going to have us pour through it all over the next week."
"GEHIRN?" Misato wiped some ketchup off her lip and looked curious "That's old stuff. That's..." Misato raised an eyebrow. "That's your mom's stuff, right?"
Ritsuko sighed. "Among noted others..." She was not one for sanctity or reverence, but she could not help but to feel, in some way, the weight of overviewing and checking research done by Yui, seeing as how her specter loomed over Gendo. "Personally, I think we have enough skeletons in the closets around here without dragging more in.
*
It was almost funny, Shinji noted as he peered up from his laptop to the clock that hung on the wall of the classroom, how quickly novelty could fade and be replaced by boredom. In his case, how fast his anxieties and wonder over his attendance of a normal school had given way to the regular banalities of day to day existence. The quality and engagement of his teacher only seemed to make the process more expedient.
There were of course upsides, things that made Shinji glad he had this opportunity to learn and explore. Kensuke was a nice guy once the initial barrage of questions had passed. So was Hikari, though she carried a reservedness made it difficult to connect well. From Kensuke and others, Shinji had gathered that she and Touji had been quite close before the battle and so he could only hope that she did not blame him as much as he blamed himself.
Lost in thought, he almost did not notice when the bell chirped loudly in his ear, interrupting whatever his teacher was going on about and liberating him and his fellow students. Almost immediately, he found himself face to face with the class representative who forced a weak smile. Trying to return it, he spoke up, "Oh, hello Hikari. How are things?"
Hikari shrugged a bit and laid down a binder she was carrying. "I know you have your NERV duties, but I was hoping that maybe I could give you a quick rundown of some of the clubs and activities we have here. I'm sure it's not as exciting as what you're used to but I'm also sure we could find you something."
Shinji sighed. It appeared that joining some sort of club was all but mandatory, or else one would be seen as some sort of delinquent. He would put it down to a cultural thing, but in all honesty, he did not know enough about schools generally to make that judgment. "Hikari, I'd love to, there is lots of interesting stuff here but I admit that I have something..." As if on cue, Shinji heard the screech of tires outside the classroom window. Sighing, he got up and joined the huddled mass of his fellow students pressed against the glass. "Speak of the devil..."
Outside in the parking lot, next to a NERV car, stood Mari in a nice black suit, waving at the window and smiling broadly. "Shinji!"
Grinning, Kensuke wiggled his way next to Shinji and pointed at Mari through the window "Who's the bombshell? Can you introduce me?" The boy laughed as he elbowed Shinji playfully.
Shinji turned slowly and gave a confused and slightly angry look. "First of all, she's my guardian, second of all..." He shook his head a bit in bewilderment. "Ignoring the eight million other reasons that would be a bad idea, she's pretty solidly gay so I really wouldn't."
"Shinji!" The boy turned around to see Hikari looking at him sternly, her hands at her hips. "That's a very rude thing to call someone."
Shinji blinked. "I... what?" Shaking his head again, he decided this was neither the time nor the place for a talk about cultural differences and so let the subject go. "In any case, I should get going, Mari is taking me to the hospital to give Touji a visit."
Hikari eyes widened. "Really?"
Shinji nodded. "Yeah, his dad told me I should. I just hope he takes it well. Did you want me to bring him school work or anything?"
At that, Hikari blushed and looked down at her shoes. "Oh no, I just... well, I was planning on seeing him later as well, so... well, it's no trouble. I can take care of it. It's my job, after all."
Shinji tried to smile as he headed for the door, not entirely sure what that was about. A growing worry boiled in his chest.
*
Touji woke slowly, or perhaps it was better to say that he drifted into consciousness. Ever since he had first come to here, it all seemed to blur together. A sickly sweet fog seemed to blanket his mind as the IV dripped steadily. It was worst when he came to from a deep sleep, deep enough that he could forget for a moment what had happened... and what he had lost. Sitting up in his bed, Touji winced at the dull ache in his chest, but did not let it stop him from reaching over with his left hand to his bedside table for his water. Beside the bottle there was a picture, a recent one of him with his family, their bright faces laughing at some long-forgotten joke.
Sakura... It was her that Touji would think of when things got hard, when the weight of it seemed to crush down on him like that day. I saved her, she's fine because of me. Wincing, Touji rose in his bed as he heard the heavy footsteps of someone outside his door, followed by a light knock. Waving a bandaged stump at the door, Touji sighed. "Come in."
He averted his gaze as the nurse came into the room, clenching his teeth as he felt her gaze on him. In truth, he held no animosity towards her. She had helped him in ways he had not known he needed, but... she was young, well, young for a nurse, with dark brown hair that made her look like Hikari in a certain light or when the drugs were strong. And it just reminded Touji how weak he looked, how fragile, and how much he hated the idea of looking that way to her. "I hope you're feeling better. I just came to say that your visitors have arrived... if you're okay to see anyone, that is."
Touji nodded. His father had told him about it earlier. It had been an odd conversation. Touji could tell from his father's voice that he was concerned about something but tried to mask it, which was strange for him: his father was not one to act nervous. He was also unsure how to take the interest of a NERV pilot and his guardian.
"Just..." Touji sighed and looked at the nurse. "Can you help me clean up a bit? I don't want to look like this in front of them."
Touji tried to smile as he saw the pair enter his room, a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair and red glasses carrying a black metal suitcase and beside her a boy about his own age wearing a school uniform with what looked like a silver NERV jacket over it. Touji was slightly puzzled at the boy, who seemed a bit meek and dour for someone who piloted a giant robot. The woman, on the other hand, seemed a bit bored if anything, hardly regarding Touji with more then a pleasant smile and a nod with the exchange of introductions. Clearly, it was the boy who wanted to be here.
There was an awkward silence between the two parties. Touji saw Shinji fidget and tried to figure out what to say. Eventually, the boy stepped forward. "Touji... Suzuhara, I am really sorry that I could not..." He stammered a bit and Touji felt the boy's eyes pass over his body in judgment. "I'm sorry I failed."
Touji opened his mouth but was unsure what to say, so he simply raised an eyebrow "I'm sorry what?" He was unsure what the boy wanted from him. "You... you just did your job and I did mine. Things happen." Touji and Shinji's eyes locked as the pilot looked up from his shoes. Touji searched himself. He was not a particularly complicated person, but he expected to feel something more then he did right now. But no matter how much he tried, nothing seemed to rise to the surface, no great anger at some injustice done to him or bitterness at his loss. Perhaps they would come in time but for now, he felt nothing. "Is there anything else?" he asked after a moment.
At that, the woman stepped forward and put on a toothy grin. "Indeed there is but..." She turned to the boy beside her and sighed. "Shinji, would you mind giving us some space for a bit? Things might get a bit... technical." Touji raised an eyebrow again and wondered what the woman meant. Instinctively his gaze roamed to the big red nurse button on the side of his bed. "Oh, and in case you want to head back to the Geofront while I deal with this, I sent you the number for Section 2. You can call them up and request a pickup."
The boy looked a bit puzzled. "Can I do that?"
The woman laughed. "Why not? You're a pilot! I pity the grunt who says no to you. Plus..." The woman winked at the boy "It will probably piss off Katsuragi like nothing else."
Nodding, Shinji turned to Touji one last time and reached out a hand before flinching upon realizing his mistake and backing back, instead bowing lowly. "I'm glad to have met you, Touji," he said briefly before turning and leaving the room with some hurry.
"Now..." Touji turned to see the woman smile at him again as she pulled up a chair to sit close to his bedside. "What do we have here? I must say you're pretty lucky... well not lucky to have this happen but lucky that Shinji is so fond of you. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here to help."
Touji gulped. "Umm, do you mind introducing yourself? My dad must have mentioned you on the call but ah..." He let out a forced laugh. "I've been on some pretty serious stuff."
The woman nodded and did a little flourish, setting the briefcase on the floor between them. "Doctor Mari Makinami, at your service."
"I hate to ask," Touji said hesitantly. "But are you a medical doctor?"
Mari shrugged. "Sort of. I don't work in a hospital though, too disappointing. I keep expecting the nurses to be wearing those cute white skirts but its all just boring scrubs."
Touji was very unsure how to react to that sentence. There was something in this woman's tone that both begged challenge and shut any down. Instead, he looked at the case between them. "What's that?"
That seemed to make Mari smile even wider as she picked up the case with some effort and placed it on her knees. "I'm glad you asked, because it wasn't easy to find. It's actually only one of a dozen made back when NERV decided to test development on early neural control devices. We ironed out most of the kinks the M200 series had, but in the end we never went into full production, so this bad boy was left in storage."
Touji was unsure what most of that meant until the woman pulled a sleek black mechanical arm from the case and placed it at the foot of his bed. "Is that... is that for me?" Touji stared at the prosthetic, it was polished and intricate, it looked like the inside of a sports car, it looked like something from one of Ken's animes, most of all it looked more expensive then Touji could imagine.
"It is if you want it. We would have to do some adjustments and diagnostics first, however. Speaking of which." Mari dug in the briefcase again and took out what appeared to be some kind of mechanical hairclip.
Touji blinked. "Err, what is..."
"A10 neural clips, should help me get some better readings for this thing." Mari patted the arm gently. "Don't worry, they won't bite."
Touji nodded and leaned forward, letting the woman place the device around his head snugly, unsure what to say. "You're not like the doctors here... or anyone else who has seen me since the... thing."
Mari nodded as she pulled out her phone before looking at the clips again. "That should do it, just give this about ten minutes and I'll have all the readings I need. And well, yes, I'd assume I'm quite unique." She leaned back in her chair as she put the phone away, turning serious as she looked Touji in the eyes. "I'm not one for sentiment, or at least I'm not good at it. I would much rather be doing something about a problem then mope... no offense."
Touji raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak but stopped. There was a small buzzing in the back of his head that he assumed was from the clips, not painful in any way but certainly noticeable. Pinching his brow, he just sighed. "I don't really know, to be honest. Everyone I talk to speaks to me like I'm about to explode or cry or..." Touji shook his head "Maybe it's just too soon to say."
After a small ding, Mari pulled out her phone and smiled. "Kid..." She hesitated a moment before continuing. "Everybody is going to have some opinion on what you should do, and how you should handle this. But the truth is there isn't any easy answer. If I am to say anything I'd say this: do what you want. This is your pain, own it. If that means screaming at the heavens or crying like a baby, then go ahead, as long as it's yours." Checking her watch she got up. "I would love to stay but unfortunately, this little excursion has taken much longer then I foresaw as it is. I fully expect to have blondie breathing down my neck the second I get back, and not in a good way. I'll leave the arm and the clips here if you don't mind. It will let you have some time to familiarize yourself with it before we put it on. There is a manual in the bottom of that briefcase if you ever get bored enough to read it." She shrugged and headed for the door. "Oh and one more thing: even when the calibrations are done it will still take a while for you to learn your own strength with that thing so I would hold off on... you know..." Mari made a rather rude gesture before chuckling to herself.
Touji shook his head, trying to get that image out of his brain. Reaching out with his good arm, Touji tried to stop the strange woman from leaving. "Wait! You're just giving me this? Don't you want me to thank you or anything?"
Mari opened the door and smiled. "Thank Shinji. That boy is too good for his own good."
*
Shinji walked down lonely street after lonely street, not caring as the time passed around him in a haze. He didn't have anywhere to go, but the thought of returning home to the apartment felt even worse.
Home – that was an odd thought. Did he have a home? Really? His time so far in Tokyo 3 had been a confusing and draining mess made worse by the inevitable feelings of claustrophobia that came with being constantly watched.
He shrugged as he kicked an empty soda can along the pavement. He could only imagine what Touji thought of him now, a chicken shit soldier who couldn't even deal with the sight of what he had done. And he could only hope Touji would take the arm as some sort of apology. Looking up, Shinji saw that the sun was beginning to dip. Mari would no doubt stay late in the lab but she would not stay forever. Remembering what his guardian had said about Section 2, Shinji was just taking out his phone when a voice from around the corner stopped him.
"Is that you, Shinji?"
Turning to see the speaker, Shinji noticed a smiling old woman sitting down at what looked like a cafe, her glittering eyes peering at him from over a steaming cup of tea.
"I..." Shinji looked at the woman quizzically. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"Why, did they never tell you about me?" The old woman tilted her head in mock offense. "I am your grandmother Shinji. Why don't you sit down, I'm sure we have much to talk about."
