Beauty and the Beast [NGE]
- Location
- Canada
Yeah as I said the next few chapters are basically a redo of the chapter directly proceeding Touji's story. Its going to follow more or less the same plot points and beat as the original but its going to be as long as it needs to be to get into that feeling and explore the relationships and dynamics of the characters going forward. A major reason I had trouble continuing the story was that I felt trapped, forced to move the story forward but unable to spend the time I needed to to explore the characters and themes. So now a year later after doing something new with Touji I am back and trying that approach here.
I am not going to take down the old version of the chapter, it will be technically non canon to bnb once the new ones replace it but eh. I don't like destroying art, especially stuff that so many people have already read and commented on. its not really bad just rushed and lacking some of the depth the moments it portrays deserves.
- Location
- Edinburgh
Fantastic chapter, I loved the interactions between Gendo and Shinji. Im really questioning where Gendo is going to end up by the end of this story. It feels very much like he's starting to... Not sure if break is the right word, but it's like he is realising the futility of his plans and sees the chance to be better perhaps, but at the same time, it's Gendo so we don't really know if it's just manipulation.
The emotion in the chapter was great, from Shinjis return, his conversations with Asuka and such and as mentioned the final bit. Fantastic job
The emotion in the chapter was great, from Shinjis return, his conversations with Asuka and such and as mentioned the final bit. Fantastic job
I think you missed a spot in your planning.
Gendo is very bad at asking what other people want.
- Location
- Canada
Oops that was boneheaded of me. I'll try to edit that as soon as I can. Thanks for the catch.
- Location
- Canada
It is done 
you didn't see anything.
Seriously though as embarrassing as it is, its also a sort window into my creative processes. The first stage is planning on what needs to happen and what scenes need to exist to communicate those things. I plot it out on a timeline and then work on individual scenes based on what I am feeling and what I have a strong image of in my mind but often have to leave in little inserts like that for when I want to follow the flow of the scene until I am out of juice but dont want to get dragged down looking up a specific fact or thing in that moment.
you didn't see anything. Seriously though as embarrassing as it is, its also a sort window into my creative processes. The first stage is planning on what needs to happen and what scenes need to exist to communicate those things. I plot it out on a timeline and then work on individual scenes based on what I am feeling and what I have a strong image of in my mind but often have to leave in little inserts like that for when I want to follow the flow of the scene until I am out of juice but dont want to get dragged down looking up a specific fact or thing in that moment.
More AI Art fun with Grandma Ikari
no.
Pink Flamingo Cabal Grand Vizier
- Location
- Pennsylvania
One thing I noticed upon rereading the chapter: Asuka immediately calling Shinji "a good man" after he turned down her offer to have sex. That was weird; from her, I mean.
It kind of shows that her conception of gender(especially her own) is pretty messed up. She offers sex to Shinji to soothe his pain because that's what she's 'supposed' to do, then calls him a good person for rejecting the temptation. Probably because she didn't really want to, but also because of those aforementioned weirdly outdated ideas of gender she's been brought up with.
Asuka is a character whose relationship with her own femininity has always been complicated and messy, and seeing it explored here is cool. The original series does it pretty well, but it's kind of flawed because while the character is weird about gender, the show itself is also weird about gender. It gets muddled because it can get hard to tell the difference between what the show is portraying as Asuka's baggage and what the show actually believes.
It kind of shows that her conception of gender(especially her own) is pretty messed up. She offers sex to Shinji to soothe his pain because that's what she's 'supposed' to do, then calls him a good person for rejecting the temptation. Probably because she didn't really want to, but also because of those aforementioned weirdly outdated ideas of gender she's been brought up with.
Asuka is a character whose relationship with her own femininity has always been complicated and messy, and seeing it explored here is cool. The original series does it pretty well, but it's kind of flawed because while the character is weird about gender, the show itself is also weird about gender. It gets muddled because it can get hard to tell the difference between what the show is portraying as Asuka's baggage and what the show actually believes.
- Location
- Canada
Oh yeah BNB Asuka has a lot of trauma and issues to unpack from her childhood that left her with very skewed ideas about sex and gender and relationships. In canon its sorta implied after the reveal with her father that the reason is so quick to call Shinji a pervert and attack him over percieved slights is that she witnessed her father getting handsy with the woman who would become her step mother thus imprinting on her that its in a man's nature to try and use the women around him for sex and that men will always try to use you if you let them. This is also why she has such a crush on Kaji, because while hes a bit of a scoundrel hes a much nicer man than her father and thus steps over the very low bar to become a good handsome loving man in her eyes.
BNB Asuka is slightly different, its not so much her father being overtly sexual that disturbed her but his lack of fidelity and the consequences of it. At some point she just sorta rationalized to herself that all men cheat and will use women for sex if they can, so when Shinji says no here its treated like some big moral moment instead of like... basic decency.
Unfortunately there is only so much I want do and only so far I can go with these topics as the cast is quite young and the story is here on SV. given all the other changes if I did a rebuild of BNB I would likely age up the cast 4 or 5 years so I felt comfortable tackling some of these heavier topics in more depth.
That is true, its very strange, the show has probably one of best cast of well thought out deep characters in fiction for its size... but it also kinda runs on Freudian psycho analysis which is fairly problematic and sexist from a modern lens. The biggest example of this is Kaji who comes off as a good guy but kinda sexist in his approximations then half a dozen episodes later they turn out to be more or less correct and every one does have weird daddy issues. its a mess of a show but I love it.
grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
In fairness, the only fathers we actually know anything about are Mr Langley, Gendo, and Prof Katsuragi. Daddy issues make perfect sense.
View: https://twitter.com/eliza_804/status/1638495075893215233?s=20Putting this here since it fits with the latest chapter
- Location
- Canada
Happy Birthday Mari, sorry I killed you
new Asuka chapter is almost done. Just have to do the last scene or two then get down and edit it (hopefully I won't leave a note to myself in this one) hope everyone is doing well and is having a nice spring.
Chapter 44
- Location
- Canada
Beauty and the Beast Chapter 43:
"Now?"
"No."
"Now?"
Asuka grit her teeth, keeping her head and shoulders locked in place as she looked forward against the chart. "No."
"Now?"
"No I... wait... yeah faintly." Asuka nodded, seeing a small glowing dot in the corner of her vision.
"Well that confirms it then" Ritsuko Akagi said, clicking off the pen light and walking out from behind Asuka over to the counter to punch in the information to the terminal "You cannot in fact see on that side."
"The fact that my eye and all its nerve endings are gone didn't clue you in?" Asuka seethed, hand reaching up to poke at the medical patch Akagi had given her.
"Given that the reason you lost your eye was and I quote... 'to maintain the magical soul connection between me and Unit 2..."
"I never said magic!" Asuka barked, hating the feeling of being talked down to. "I just meant..."
"No I know, I am sorry if was dismissive, I just wanted to illustrate what kind of logic we are operating on here as of late."
"Fair enough." Asuka sighed, looking down at the fibres of the robe they had given her to wear. "Can I go now?"
"I mean the tests are done and I know you must be in a very confused and raw place right now but there are some things I think we need to discuss regarding your time in the Eva."
"I told you, it was... it's impossible to describe; it was a totally different way of being. I didn't think so much as was acted, I was a more of a tool than a... I don't know what else to say." Asuka struggled for words. She didn't know what would happen when she agreed to return to the real world with Shinji, but she didn't expect to be interrogated about it so soon after.
"I don't doubt it was a overwhelming experience. But as you said, you were cognizant enough to communicate with the third pilot, and you were aware and in control of yourself enough to leave part of you behind to maintain the link."
Asuka knew what the woman was poking at; the secret of the Evas, perhaps even darker than their nature as cybernetic organisms, was the nature of the connection they needed with their pilots. "If you have anything to ask me Doctor Akagi, I would request that you come out and ask it."
"Did you see your mother in there?"
Asuka sighed, feeling something inside herself collapse, unable to say anything but the truth. "What was left of her."
"Oh?" the doctor's tone was oddly neutral.
"After the accident my mother was like... half a person. Sometimes here, sometimes not, her mind ripped at the seams. When I went inside Unit Two, down to the core, I guess I met the other half that was taken all those years ago."
"Was she... nice to you? The half you found?"
Asuka blinked, looking at Akagi for a moment, puzzled. This wasn't an interrogation; this was something else. "She loved me, she cared for me like I was still her baby girl crying in her arms... maybe I was. Maybe the part in the Eva was the motherly part of her. Maybe that's why the real her, the one out here, she..." Something caught in her throat. "I'm sorry. I don't normally talk about this stuff with anyone."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to push, I just... I think we are a lot alike in some ways Asuka. I never really had a good relationship with my mother; we said we loved each other but we never understood each other. And one day I find out she's gone and he.... they need me to take her place."
Asuka thought for a moment, blinded by the definite circumstances of her own life. It was almost impossible to imagine a different world where she wasn't a pilot, where her mother wasn't dead and the two of them had any kind of relationship. "You're doing a good job. Or well... at least as good of a job as anyone can be expected given... everything." Asuka gave as kind a chuckle as she could manage.
"Thank you. This place is can be a nightmare before one adds any parental trauma into the mix." The woman took out a gold cigarette case from her jacket, playing with it in her hands for a moment before thinking of something else to say, her voice returning to its previous formality "Asuka... if your mother was in there with you, but now you need to leave your eye to make a connection... What happened to your mother?"
"I killed her."
"What?" Akagi's voice was shaky.
"It was good, being with her again, at least for a while. As I said, she... the part of her that was in there with me was my mother, she loved me... It was a golden amber moment... but it was just a moment. She wasn't alive, any more than an old photograph is alive, she loved but that love was static and fixed. It was a music box, playing the same notes over and over and over. If I stayed if I... allowed that to continue forever... it would be death, it would be worse than death. So I... let her go."
"I... I'm not sure what to say Asuka. I... thank you for sharing that with me." The woman looked over her notes and then back at the girl, and for a moment Asuka thought Akagi might pull her into a hug but then thought better of it.
"Yeah well... With Mari, I don't think Shinji is in any mood to talk about that stuff with me, at least for a while."
"Losing someone close to you is always difficult, especially someone as close as Mari was to him. That being said..." Ritsuko chewed the end of her pen and looked away. "It might be a good idea to steer him in a more positive direction while he recovers so we don't have another incident like on the bridge."
Asuka winced; she had more than enough experience with lashing out at others when she was in a bad place. "Ah... yeah sorry. I'll make sure..."
"Asuka, you're not responsible for his behaviour; he is. I am just saying..."
"No no I get it, he's just dealing with a lot. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders." Asuka fumbled with her words.
"He's lucky he has you to help him then, doesn't he?" Akagi gave a small sad smile at that.
"Well I do owe him after everything hes done for me..." Asuka caught herself blushing thinking about her idiot. "But don't worry, I'll help him out and if he doesn't shape up I'll yank the leash. That work?"
Akagi let out a genuine laugh, threatening to spill her coffee as she held it close against her chest "I am not sure I would go that far."
"Yeah well I would. Anyway..." Asuka hopped off the bench. "It's been a late night or early morning; depending on how you count it. I should probably be off. I feel like I could sleep for days."
"Uh, about that..." Ritsuko got more serious, putting her coffee on the table. "I know you are eager to go out and make up for lost time, but your readings are deeply concerning. You... on a very fundamental level - and I am not even talking about your eye or lack thereof - you are a very different being than the one that went missing in that battle."
"Oh?"
"You... the biological material that your body was made of, the stuff you got from your mother and father at your birth... that's gone, it dissolved inside Val... Unit Two and was likely expelled in its transformation. The body you have now is made from material siphoned off the Evangelion, which I don't think I need to tell you plays by very different rules than us normal humans."
Her words were slow and careful, Asuka could tell she was trying to be helpful but there was still a level of reservation, not wanting to say too much or show NERV's full hand. "If that's true... am I even the same Asuka as before? If all of my old body is gone and this is..."
"Frankly I don't know and I don't really care, I am more an engineer and a doctor than I am a philosopher, my only advice is to try not to let it keep you up at night."
Asuka almost laughed at that "Okay then, practically speaking what does that mean? Don't tell me I can start breathing fire and punch buildings in half like Shinji?"
"Nothing so extreme." Ritsuko sighed "Its more like... we are going to have to take a good look at your diet, what your body accepts and rejects, how your body grows and develops as you get older. If the things in your body that your body thinks are hormones don't work we might need to get you on a synthetic hormone regime. I'd like you to monitor your menstrual cycle for the foreseeable future; this will likely affect your reproductive health in the long term..."
"So no laser eyes then?" Asuka asked sarcastically giving an annoyed huff and planting a hand on her hip. It was easier to play the childish brat than face the information Akagi was giving her or the awful feelings they were stirring inside her. Reproductive... did that mean she might be infertile? It would make sense, as much as anything about any of this made sense.
"I am afraid not. And I would ask you stay close to home for a while while we look through all this data. I need to make sure there's nothing I missed on the first pass."
"Uh yeah sure..." Asuka said, still not quite in the moment as the thought of what everything meant for her. "Actually... if I have to stay in the Geofront, would you mind if I spent it with Shinji... at his place, I mean?"
"Asuka... I am not sure that is a good idea."
"I know it's a lot, but I'll be fine, I promise! I just... he just lost his mom, I know how that feels, he was there for me when I went through it, so I want to be there for him."
Akagi sighed, flipping her pen between her fingers before pausing "Alright, but remember what I said before. Just because he's sad doesn't mean he gets to do whatever he wants. It's just going to be the two of you, the Nagisa boy moved in with your sister and the captain a week after Shinji disappeared. If anything happens or you need anything please contact me... us."
"Can I get a new sword?"Asuka smirked, more genuinely this time as she got off her seat "They gave me a cool one before but it was lost in the fire, I kept thinking about asking for a new one. Now is as good a time as any I suppose."
"Asuka that's not what I..." Akagi gave a tired look, pinching her brow "I'll see what I can do. Until then get some rest."
Asuka didn't talk to the security staff as they escorted her to Shinji's apartment. Looking at the pair of them, one could wonder if they could talk at all, these stiff golems in dark suits and dark glasses. They opened the door with a key card they then gave to Asuka, then nodded and left, leaving her to explore the abode.
It was small and humble, with little decoration or indeed sign of identity aside from a few picture frames on the wall and some papers scattered on the table. All in all, she could guess the contents of apartment that truly belonged to Mari or Shinji could be neatly collected and sorted into some box in less than an hour, after which it would inevitably be sent to some other small apartment the two would share.
Asuka traced a finger over one of the pictures hung over the television, smiling at the shot of Shinji and Mari standing awkwardly in the blazing Arizona sun, her arm around his shoulders as they stood in front of a large cactus.
She had hated him so much for that, for leaving her. It was stupid and childish and it made Asuka embarrassed to think about, but it was true. He was her only friend, or perhaps the only friend she valued. He'd promised not to leave, but he did and while even at the time she knew more than most that the wishes of a child were nothing compared to the will of those adults towering above you, the betrayal stung.
When did she come to love him? When did he so thoroughly find a place in her heart that his absence was painful? It was like her eye, she didn't know how much it was a part of her, how much she needed it until it was gone.
That love, that need, that vulnerability - it scared her. It ran against everything she had wanted for herself since her mother died, everything she promised she would never be. Did part of her still hate him? Not for leaving but for staying, for making her like this?
She had told Akagi that Shinji had the weight of the world on his shoulders - where had that come from? He had saved her, brought her back from the other side of the edge when she lost herself, and she...
There it was again, that weakness, that fear, of dissolving again, this time in the shadow of another.
"My name is Asuka Soryu."
She reached up a hand and felt at her face, touching the corner of the patch Akagi had given her. She dragged her hand down her cheek, then her neck, feeling the edge of the medical gown.
"I think I am gonna throw up..."
Asuka lurched to the bathroom, barely making it before getting sick. It was all too much, too fast. First, the stillness the solitude of being in the core, the strange peace that came with oblivion. And then to go from that to all this, all this pain and fear and longing...
She cleaned herself up as best she could, before going to Shinji's room and scavenging for something to wear. She grabbed a large grey hoodie and some pyjama pants. It was far from the height of fashion, but then she never tried to compete with her sister in regards to looks.
Asuka looked over Shinji's room, smiling to herself. It was hardly barren; there were books on the shelf and a laptop on the desk, as well as some posters and nick nacks from America, but it paled in comparison to the horde of presents and toys she had accumulated from her father and her teachers.
She was tempted to poke around more when she heard heavy footsteps, faintly getting louder as they approached. Guarding herself, she went to the door of the apartment, hoping the guards had not returned to take her off to some cold dark cell.
Instead, the door slid open to reveal a short Japanese boy about her age with dark hair and a tired looking expression.
"Hey." Asuka smiled weakly, not sure where this would go.
"Asuka..." The boy stood there in the doorway, his joy cut with caution. "Why are you..."
Asuka gathered her thoughts before answering. "I asked Akagi if I could stay with you for a while if that's okay. I think we've had enough dramatic reunions for one night, we can save Rebecca for tomorrow when we are all a bit more... present."
It was a lie, or at least partly one. She did want to compose herself before seeing her sister, but the primary reason she wanted to stay was to make sure Shinji didn't have to deal with the cutting silence of being alone. Not that he needed to know that - the two of them had been talked down to and patronized enough for a lifetime.
"It's more than fine, you know how much I want you... wanted to see you again I mean. Make sure you were safe." Shinji stammered, making Asuka smile before something lit up his eyes. "You're uh... wearing my clothes."
His reaction made Asuka's heart jump - he really was cute, wasn't he? Despite it all. She did a spin on her heels, showing off the baggie hoodie like it some million dollar bodysuit from Akagi's lab or the height of Paris fashion. "I don't want to wear my plugsuit... or some NERV hospital gown for that matter for a while if I can help it. I'm not anyone's property and I don't want to feel like one."
"So you're just going to take mine then?" Shinji replied with a playful smile, like back when they were kids running around in the woods stealing each other's toys.
Asuka played back. "Don't worry, I won't touch your stupid jacket if you don't want me to. Jeez." she rolled her eye, thinking about how the boy wore his gift from the Nevada staff around his shoulders like a security blanket.
"Eh you can..." Shinji quickly turned and faced Asuka, making something jump in her chest "You'll just have to pay me back."
Asuka took a shallow breath, knowing what was coming. "And how will I..."
Then his lips met hers. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but after so much happening between them it felt different; natural. She wasn't afraid, she wasn't trying to prove anything to herself or anyone else, she was there with him in that moment.
There would be uncertainty and pain and heartbreak later, of that she was sure, but now she let herself be carried by the whirlwind of it all, embracing the stupid foolish mopey self centred idiot boy she loved as they danced though his formally empty apartment, now made full by their presence.
They eventually landed on Shinji's bed, the spontaneous energy of the initial kiss sizzling out into background radiation as the two lay beside each other, Asuka's head heavy on his chest.
They stayed like that for a moment, and Asuka enjoyed it, but in the silence of the room, her skin on his, she could not ignore what she was not feeling. "You really don't breathe anymore... do you?"
She reached up, dragging her fingers along his jaw and neck before moving down, thinking about the boy she fell in love with, thinking about herself and the angel in the room watching over them.
He was changed. She was changed. Kaworu was... never normal to begin with. Was she going to keep on changing? What was Akagi going to find in her blood? She was never normal, never really like other people, but now she didn't even have the option of trying to pretend. Was that wrong or in its own way strangely liberating?
"I guess not... I don't know when I just... it was just something I lost along the way."
Lost along the way... Asuka could not help but feel pain at that, jealousy even. She had lost so much, so much taken without a word... "I've never asked... and you've never said... how do you feel about all this?" She traced a hand along his chest, trying to feel something through his pale skin. "I was never given a choice, not really. But you... even if she told you how could you have known what you would..."
"She was trying to protect me. She knew what an awful world this is, what awful people run it and what worse things were coming. The rest doesn't matter...I mean, I am here aren't I? And so are you... I could not have done this... could have saved you if she hadn't..."
Asuka cringed a bit at the words, feeling her skin crawl with jealousy, regardless of how much she hated herself for it. Why did she have to do this? Why was she like this? That even now she had to compare and contrast, to compete even when there was no reason to? She swallowed it for the time being, this was about Shinji. "I didn't ask you what she did or why she did it Shinji... I asked you how you felt about it."
"I feel... I feel awful, okay?" Shinji's body shook, something in him breaking as any vestige of the the protector melted away from a moment, turning on his side to hide his despair from Asuka as he cried. "I did so much and tried so hard and It doesn't matter! She's gone! I feel miserable..."
I will not run away, I will not run away, he needs me. Asuka swallowed her own doubts and fears, trying to remember the words she needed, the words no one said to her after her father, after so many losses... "Good."
There was a pause as what she said set in with the boy. For a moment Asuka tensed, grabbing a patch of blanket and squeezing it tight inside her palm, praying he did not react to her now like he did to Misato on the bridge. Instead he just stopped and wiped his eyes. "What?"
Asuka chose her words carefully, trying to think what would get through without doing too much damage on the way. "Shinji, I am sorry for your loss. I knew Mari... maybe not as much as I could have. I don't want you to suffer but... sometimes pain is the right feeling to have." Asuka thought about herself, about how after her mother, after her father she had closed herself off, refusing to let herself feel it, to have that kind of weakness in her heart and what that had led to. She reached forward, taking the boy in her arms and holding him tight. "You loved her, and she loved you. Nothing and no one will ever change that." again she had to bite her tongue, to stop herself from feeling cheated, jealous Shinji had in Mari something she never had in her own father.
Something broke in Shinji, first a little and then all at once. He shook and sobbed into the bed. At first Asuka was not sure if she had said the right thing to soothe his heart, but she only had her truth to tell; everything else was just borrowed. Eventually the boy stopped, breathing in slowly and taking in the quiet of the room and the company. "Asuka... thank you."
Asuka reached forward, stroking the small of Shinjis neck, it was strange and wonderful and scary. This boy could spit lightning and walk through fire for her, but he could also be like this. "You were there for me Shinji, you believed in me even when everyone else gave up. I promise I... well, I can't say I'll be perfect but I'll try my best to be there for you, I promise."
Shinji took a deep breath, clearly trying to shake off the sudden despair. Thanks. I should... I need to get washed up, I still smell like LCL."
And then he was gone and she was alone on his bed. She had helped him - as best she could anyway, therapy was not exactly her forte. He seemed to doing well all things considered but... why did she still feel bad? What was she doing wrong?
There was the big thing, the obvious thing that refused to leave her mind. The thing that, among all the strange feelings and faded images of her time in the machine, stood out like diamond. Kaworu. Shinji had said he loved him, she had said she loved him, and yet neither of them had said a word about the boy since they... left? Woke up? She lacked the vocabulary exactly.
She did love him. He was sour and prickly and only half as suave as he thought he was but he was kind to her and he was beautiful and they looked through each other in ways that even Shinji and her struggled to do.
Shinji loved him but he was willing to kill him. For her, for the world, he would do it. She knew he would.
That wasn't it either though was it? Strangely enough, the prospect of blood in the air and the end of the world seemed to fall away compared to that other thing, those feelings she had pressed down since that night on the hill.
I am his girlfriend right? That means I should... Not that I am giving anything, but I want to make it real and... well we can deal with angel boy later. But for now I don't want him to get all weird so maybe... and well, I mean he's sad, he's depressed, he... if he's anything like dad then he obviously... Not that I am doing it for him, I want this. I can do this, I am adult and I can make my own... fuck.
There were no training simulations for this, no instructional videos or one on one tutors she could ask for help, just trashy magazines she stole from Misato and the steamier parts of her sister's idiotic romance novels.
Asuka rolled on one side and then the other, taking a deep breath that failed to choke the butterflies in her stomach. Just when it felt like tiredness was going to win out over anxiety she heard the hard crack of ceramic being shattered.
What the fuck are you doing in there?
"Shinji, you okay? You've been in there a while." Asuka pulled herself up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom, peeking inside and getting a face full of steam.
"Ah hey, sorry, just got a lot on my mind. I'll be out in a second. I can uh... set up the couch in a second if you're tired, let me just..." Shinji's words were frightened, panicked. He had done something stupid and didn't want her to see.
"I don't think that's necessary... in fact." Asuka took in a deep breath, looking at the boy's obscured form through the glass. He looked pretty normal, despite everything. No claws or horns or horrible battle scars, just a boy. "I can join you... if you want."
"Asuka, don't..." Shinji's hand went to the door, pink digits peeking from the other side of the glass. "I'm sorry I... I want to. Trust me, I really do, but... I want it to be ours, a connection between the two of us, not just a band-aid on... something else."
Asuka smiled and withdrew her hand, taking a moment to let it all sink in. Comparing him to all the men she knew, all the men in her mind, how many of them would have said no? "You are a good man Shinji Ikari, I hope you know that."
"Feel free to remind me from time to time." He gave a sad laugh and a wave and Asuka let him be, returning to the hallway on the way to Shinji's room, only stopping to look at Kaworu's door.
It was so strange to think about; so much love and hate and the mix of the two, so much importance and fate... separated by a small hallway and a patch of carpet. She reached a hand out, tracing a finger down the angels door. I am coming for you tomorrow Kaworu, I hope at least one of us is ready for it.
When Shinji was done, he came back to her and the two embraced again, the electric passion fading into a warm comfortable dream, the two laughing and talking about everything and nothing as they sank into each other's arms.
It was strange; as her eyes grew heavier and heavier, their words slowing and quieting, like the last rain drops of a thunderstorm pattering against the windowsill, Asuka realized she was happy. She had been happy before but this was different, she was always happy doing or getting, the happiness coming from the action of the moment or her pride in recognition, but now... she was simply happy being here in this moment with him.
She was with him when they finally slept, and he was with her in her dreams, the kind of dreams that only came when the body was ready to give in, more colours and emotions than scenes, soft water colour on canvas. When she woke he was with her, and when he woke she was with him, they laughed and spoke and ate and then...
And then he was gone again.
Asuka sat at the table, staring at the door where Shinji had left with his father, cursing him and cursing herself as she put the fork behind her back down on the table. He just came in here and just... stole their moment of happiness away with just his presence.
What kind of man could do that? Not her father, Langley was always keenly adept at annoying his children with his flighty behaviour but he was never... like that. He never made Asuka wilt just by looking at her, never made her grovel like a beaten dog with a sharp word.
Asuka sighed, looking down at the meal she and Shinji had prepared, her appetite for the cheap instant noodles rapidly dissipating without the person who made them with her.
She looked around the apartment, feeling its silence creep in again, its walls feeling cramped and tight around her, its ceiling pressing down under the weight of a billion tonnes of fortress and city above her.
"Fuck this."
Asuka got dressed, adding a worn pair sneakers to the list of things she borrowed from Shinji before heading out the front door, letting the slick metal frame click behind her. She was still quite hungry, so she decided to go to the cafeteria and see what passed as food there today.
The growl of her stomach as she reached the wide room was almost a relief; despite everything else that part of her at least was still human. She walked around the place, past the vending machines to the counter, where a solitary NERV employee managed stock.
"Can I get a sausage with mustard? " She poked at the glass. "Maybe a soup as well if you have anything good." she licked her lips, realizing how hungry she really was "Some french fries and a milkshake too if you've got it..." She cut herself off, gulping as she looked up at the staff member who simply rolled his eyes.
"We have lunch special A and lunch special B, the later is vegetarian."
Asuka shrugged; the glorious feast celebrating her return to the land of the living would have to come later. "A I guess."
Asuka watched as the tired looking man dolled out steamed rice, a brown chicken curry, a cup of miso soup and a basic garden salad. They didn't have any milkshakes but they did have cartons of milk, which Asuka supposed was good enough. "That will be eight hundred yen."
"What?" Asuka blinked realizing she nothing on her but the clothes she had borrowed "I am NERV, I don't have to pay."
"If you're NERV personnel, please show me your ID card so I can scan it to log the requisition."
"I don't have that either, I... I am Asuka Soryu dammit! Pilot of Unit Two, don't you know who I am?" Asuka fumed, putting a hand on her hip as she tried to stare the woman down.
The man stared back, a faint flash of recognition in his eyes. "Pilot huh? I mean you look young enough..."
"Yeah, Asuka Soryu, my mom was Kyoko..." Asuka wasn't sure if the lady was messing with her or she really was that unknown. "I was..."
"I mean you've got the hair, at least some of it, but I thought that pilot girl had two... you know." He coughed and pointed Asukas eye patch. "Plus she looked a lot more cute and uh... girly than you do. Are you like, her cousin or something?"
Asuka grit her teeth, about to launch herself over the counter. "Cute? I will show you cute you weaselly little..."
"It's fine, I got it!" Asuka turned around and saw her sister behind her, waving her ID card "It's okay, I can pay for her stuff." Asuka stepped aside, freezing as she watched her sister get closer. "Can I get two number twos as well please? Thank you." She gave a quick smile and tapped her card before the man behind the counter could say anything else.
"Two lunches, really?" Asuka rolled her eye before cursing herself as the man got two more boxes ready. Why did she have to be like this? Why did she have to go for the throat?
"They are not both for me." Rebecca huffed, taking the boxes and piling them all on a plastic tray. "I told Rei I would get her something for when her synch tests were done. I have to keep reminding her to eat." She blushed, concern apparent on her face as the two walked a ways away from the counter for a more private conversation.
"So you two are still... getting along?" Asuka sat down across from her sister, the words drying up in her throat as she tried to think of something to say.
"Yeah... I mean sorta. Neither of us really know what exactly what we are doing so its slow but... its good. Sometimes she comes over to play board games with Kaworu, Misato and I." She smiled. "You should see Kaworu, he gets so grumpy when he loses. It's funny."
"Well then I will have to beat him and see for myself." Asuka laughed back, imagining the pale-haired boy sulking as she sunk his hippos with the candlestick in the library.
"Yeah." Rebecca nodded. "Now that you're back.... you are back, aren't you?" There was uncertainty in the question as Rebecca looked at her sister, like she wasn't quite sure she believed what was in front of her.
"Yeah... I am really back." Asuka sighed. This was harder than she thought it would be, harder than most of her battles thus far.
"What was it like? While you were... stuck inside the machine." Rebecca asked after a moment, daring to look up from her fried rice.
"It's... I don't know how to describe... I don't think you would understand." Asuka bit her tongue, only realizing after she said it how dismissive she sounded.
"Is that because your senses were overwhelmed when your synch rate hit two hundred percent during the battle? At that point you would experience total mental contamination and operate through the proto-mind of the Eva leaving leaving you with data that cannot be reconciled by the human hippocampus?"
Asuka dropped her fork in her curry. "What?"
Rebecca blushed. "Sorry, I had a lot of time and not a lot of stuff to do while you were gone. I was really worried so I kept asking anyone I could about what was happening. I still don't know a lot but..."
"Don't worry." Asuka chuckled. "Once you learn enough all you have to do is rearrange the words you know and make yourself look smart, no one knows the difference."
There was quiet between them for a moment as they poked at their food. It wasn't easy but it was getting there. "I am sorry about your eye."
Asuka sighed, clamping down on the urge to say something snide. "It was worth it to get back here." She gave a bitter chuckle "Even if they don't know what a schnitzel is..."
"I can make one if you want." Rebecca said helpfully, "I know I am not as good as Shinji but I have been practising since you went away. Misato isn't very good at that stuff so tried to help out where I could. We can have our own little Oktoberfest for you, pretzels and strudel and sausage and beer... well maybe not beer but..."
"I'm sorry."
"What?" Rebecca stopped, Asuka's words cutting through the air like a razor.
Asuka took a deep breath, climbing over the pain in her chest. "I am sorry about how I treated you. About what I did after dad died and... everything before that. I was a shitty sister to you and I am deeply sorry for that."
"It's not your fault!" Rebecca snapped desperately "You were... they made you be a pilot and do all that training and school and then your mom died and dad was pretty awful and then Shinji left and..."
"Rebecca please!" Asuka shouted before biting her tongue, trying to cool her temper. "I know I had a lot going on and I know it wasn't fair but... it wasn't fair to you either. I should never have been such a bitch to you. You were... you are my sister and you deserve respect."
Rebecca stopped, clearly thinking on what to say. "I... thank you Asuka."
Asuka took a deep breath. There was relief in Rebecca's words but also fear. She was telling her what she wanted to hear. There was still a wall there, underneath it all - and why wouldn't there be? One apology was not going to make up for a lifetime of bile. "I know its going to take a while to... build something new between us..." How do you find something you threw away?
Rebecca gave a small smile, her hand reaching across the table and gently squeezing Asuka's. "It's going to take some time but... I would like that, I really would. I just... dad." She stopped, guilt flashing across her face at mentioning their father. "Dad would say stuff like this sometimes too and it would always..."
"Backslide, yeah." Asuka knew what Rebecca was talking about; Langley was great at making promises but not so good at keeping them. "I guess I will have to show you I mean it."
"Let's just start small okay?" Rebecca said the words slowly, as if standing up for herself was a dangerous endeavour. "One thing at a time." She giggled, this time more sincerely. "And nothing big, you don't have to move mountains for me like Shinji just... be there."
Asuka bit her lip - she hated the idea of being told what to do, being chastised or commanded by anyone, but her sister was right. Rebecca was the wronged party here and that meant she would set the pace for whatever recovery would take place. "I understand. Do you want to do something this afternoon? I kinda want to see how the city has changed since I fell off the face of the earth."
"I would, but I promised Rei I would see her after her tests. If you want I can cancel,l or..."
"No." Asuka shook her head. "You made a promise. We can catch up or do something later." She started to get up before she felt a tug on her sleeve.
"I mean, we can still have lunch right?" Rebecca looked at her fondly, something lonely in her eyes.
"Yeah, definitely." Asuka smiled back, trying not to panic as she sat back down despite all the looming worry within her. "We can do that." how do you pick up the pieces of something you didn't know you needed, and make it function again?
"So... you slept over at Shinjis place huh?" Rebecca pointed to Asuka's borrowed ensemble.
"I, uh... shut up." Asuka conceded, blushing as her sister laughed.
Patience.
*
Asuka needed to breathe. Her lunch with her sister had been pleasant, if brief, but even then, by its end it had been exhausting. Is it gonna be like this for the rest of my life? Asuka shook her head, not even bothering to guess how long that would be.
She reached the surface after a few checkpoints and a long elevator ride. The bright sun and gentle breeze that met her, couldn't be more different from the grey deluge and crackling lightning that had marked her departure.
Life goes on, with or without me.
Asuka was not sure if she was comforted or horrified by the thought. Her sister had missed her but she had her own world, her own life to lead and so did everyone else. Looking up from the crest of a small hill towards the city, she could not help but wonder how long the world would move on from any of them.
She shook her head again; she didn't want to spiral, she didn't want to go back, back to the cold and the silence, back to the sickly sweet numbness of that awful place. She just... didn't really want to be here either.
She kept walking down the streets of the city, idly watching as the people passed her by, wondering what they thought of their lives, what was normal to them. What did she want?
She loved Shinji, and she wanted to be with him, but that wasn't enough. That wasn't a life, that wasn't a future so what was it? Life was suddenly more to her than the next test, the next battle, the next pretty medal to pin on her wall. Life was...
Asuka stopped and sat on a bench, laying her head in her hands as she tried to get some of this weight off her shoulders. Then it came, the hint of bow dragged across string, the gentle teasing of something in the air.
Asuka blinked, looking left and right down the narrow street, seeing nothing but people walking. A woman with a child on her shoulders, a man with a dog that sniffed at every crack in the pavement.
She stood up, taking a few steps, thinking for a moment that it was gone, and then back it came. Arpeggio... it was alive and slowly stirring from slumber, each string being tuned one after the other until the whole thing crackled to life.
The first notes were tentative, careful and slow, hesitant to fall at all, but soon something alive seemed to flow over the air, if only for Asuka to hear. Asuka followed, on and on street after street, the song got louder but by little more than a hush, like a whisper in her ear.
She got on a bus, swallowing her normal apprehension at being so close to so many people, her small frame practically pressed against the window as she followed the sound. It pulled out of downtown, and then away from nearly everything, emptying out as it travelled into the surrounding hills and valleys around the city.
The sun was setting now the sky turning a rich orange around her as she climbed out of the back of the bus and onto a gravel path that led down to a wide lake.
Allegro.
The music was fast and fluid now, crackling and alive as it pounded into her ears. Asuka smiled, her heart beginning to beat in time as she jogged down the path, knowing what she was going to find at its end.
A slender boy stood atop a perch of fallen stone, instrument nuzzled delicately under his chin as he played out against the lake, its surface reflecting the blazing sunset into a caldera of light. Asuka crept silently as she reached the sand, not wanting to disturb the performance until she got close.
Crescendo.
The height of passion, the grand finale. No want or care taken for anything after, just a pure joy built on all that came before it.
"Melt the clouds of sin and sadness drive the dark of doubt away..." Asuka wasn't used to singing at the best of times but squeaked out what she could. "Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of... day." She gulped, the music pausing as bow lifted from string.
"Asuka?" The boy turned, as much sadness and pain in his red eyes as there was joy as he looked her over. "I..."
"I'm back, Kaworu." Asuka swallowed, digging in her heels against the sand beneath her as the boy hopped off his impromptu stage, taking only a second to place his violin in its case before closing the distance on the girl.
"Misato told me. I wanted to come see you but I..." He searched for the words but could not find them, instead pulling the girl in for a tight hug.
Asuka hugged back, burying her face in the crook of his neck as she wrapped her arms around his waist. It was good to feel him again, to be here with him. After all the fear and apprehension Shinji had stormed up about him he was still just a boy. The girl nuzzled Kaworu's chest but stopped as she felt something hard and metallic under his shirt, pulling back a bit she looked down and saw the outline of the silver cross she had gotten with him. "Miss me that much huh?"
"Shut up." Kaworu said quickly, blushing before biting his lip, thinking for a moment before looking her in the in the face, his eyes drifting to her eye patch. "Charon's fee?"
Asuka gave a bittersweet chuckle. "I didn't die, idiot, I came back."
The boy looked away, suddenly ashamed, as he slowly pushed her away. "I just wish it was to a world that deserved you."
Asuka sighed, taking a step back as silence descended on the two of them, the weight of so many unspoken words "Kaworu, I... when I was in the core with Shinji..." She took a breath, thinking for a moment as she toed against the edge of calamity. "When we were together we were... together." She took a long breath, letting the words hover in the air "I was him and he was me and... any kind of barrier or limit between us was gone."
"That sounds like a very overwhelming experience." Kaworu's words were cold, with a hint of jealousy.
"He saw all of my memories and I saw his too." Asuka said, trying to remember the strange state of consciousness. "I don't remember everything now but... Kaworu... Tabris. I know."
The boy turned his back to her, taking a moment to go quiet and look over the water on the lake, the light shimmering off its surface as the sun began its descent. "I never wanted any of this. I didn't choose to be... shaped like this. To see and hear and feel like you do. I could have been so much more, a great scouring wind lashed upon the inequities of the world. A judgment no more conflicted in its intentions than a tidal wave or a forest fire."
There was plenty of arrogance and pomposity in the words but underneath the pretentiousness was a feeling Asuka knew well, one that she had nearly lost herself to. "But then you would not be you." Asuka gave a sad smile, trying to reach out to the boy. "And I would never have met you."
"Asuka..." Kaworu gave a tired sigh, tuning back and looking at the girl, hints of tears welling in his crimson eyes. "I didn't want to hurt you, or Shinji for that matter. I had nothing to do with your fall into your Evangelion but I... I did point Shinji your way when he was losing hope. It was my intention that I..." His voice cracked, "If he was in there with you... then I could do what I had to do and you two could be happy together."
"I kinda figured that one out." Asuka had to give a small laugh. "You're less Machiavellian then you think you are Tabris."
Asuka looked at the angel, realizing in a moment that he was like Shinji in some ways but very different in others. This was not a human changed into something more, it was something more struggling and failing not to be human. "So what now then? Will you wait and watch until the last of my kin are slain then sit by while Shinji champions your world? Will you fight alongside him? Or do you... I can't promise you much in my new world - it will be unlike anything either of us can currently imagine. But-"
"Kaworu... Tabris stop you don't have to do this!" Asuka pleaded. "I know what it's like to be raised to be something you're not. I know what it's like to be poked and prodded and lied to. I-"
"You know nothing!" Kaworu spat, tears falling down his face as he turned to anger as he got closer to the girl "You are a human. You could always be something else, you could always choose..." The air grew hot and tense. Behind him, the water of the lake churned and crackled. "I am a God and that's all I could ever be..."
Asuka stood her ground, not moving a muscle as energy rippled around her, stones shattering and flecks of sand turning to glass in the air around her. "If that's true... then you already won."
The wind died, the water stilled and the heat around them cooled as the words hit the angel. All of a sudden he was the strange awkward boy she loved again "What? Asuka... what are you talking about?"
Asuka took a deep breath "Your agreement with Shinji, that truce you made that day in the parking garage. Part of it was that Shinji was not allowed to tell anyone about it, not his father or Mari or Misato... or me. But he did, didn't he?" She gave a sad smile "Shinji saved me, and in doing so broke the agreement. He told me all about you. Your feelings, your words, what happened with Kiel and Seele and... everything."
Saying it all out loud it was so obvious to her, how silly and stupid it all was. The truce, the fighting, the prophecy, Seele, NERV... and probably a lot more than that. They were all just lines in the sand, rules for a game made on the spot by children who didn't even want to play.
"Stop, just stop..." Kaworu took a step back and then another, his ankle hitting the edge of the water as reacted to her words. He had the strength to move mountains but was afraid of the truth. "What are you trying to say? I can just walk down into Terminal Dogma and..."
Asuka looked him in the eyes. "If you want to end this world Tabris, if you choose that as your path, then I won't try to stop you. But that will be the path you chose. Not destiny, not fate, no great plan, just you."
The angel was lost in thought for a moment, his head hanging heavy on his shoulders. "And If I don't? Then... what am I? If I reject all purpose I have, what do I have left? What do I become?"
"Yourself." Asuka stood tall, her hair gently rustling as a new breeze fell over the valley. "The only thing worth being."
There was a silence then for a moment torment evident on his face as the angel wrestled with himself. Eventually he took a breath, the pain passing as he looked up at the first of the night's stars visible peeking at the edge of the sky and back down to Asuka. "I... I think I can do that." He took a step and then another, something crumbling inside him as he dropped to one knee.
Asuka knelt down, pulling the boy into a hug, letting the god sob into her shoulder like a child. "I know it's scary... I can't promise you it will all be okay or that its going to be easy. There will be more tears, more pain and plenty of regrets but... they will be yours." She took a breath, feeling her own heart skip a beat as she tried to put the rest into words. "And I will be there with you for them... I promise."
"I'm so sorry, please... don't hate me Asuka." The angel hung his head low, his breath hoarse in his chest.
"I could never hate you Kaworu." Asuka stroked his silver locks, watching over Kaworu's shoulder as the water returned to its stillness. "I didn't know what you would do or what you would say, but I knew myself and I knew I would want the truth... and a choice."
"I just don't know where to go from here." Kaworu admitted, wiping his eyes "Everything I have been, everything that I am, I-I don't know anymore."
"I wish I could give you some easy answers, but some things you will have to find out for yourself... or with me." Asuka smiled, getting up and pulling up the boy with her. "Now..." She gave a nervous chuckle "Do you want a dance with me? We never really got to finish our first one."
It took a second for the boy's brain to catch up to the words. "I think think that would be a wonderful place to start."
Asuka felt a breath catch in her chest as the angel put a hand on her waist, the other reaching for one of her hands as he pulled the two into position for a waltz, only to pause.
"Well?" Asuka blinked.
"I thought you were going to..." Kaworu stammered nervously.
"The guy is supposed to lead idiot." Asuka blushed before chuckling and looking up "Don't worry, I trust you."
Asuka watched as something warm seemed to bubble up in the angel culminating in a shy earnest smile as he pulled her close. "In that case..."
He took a step, she followed, and then he took another, turning on their hips to silent music as they danced ever closer to the edge of the water. "Hey watch out, we're gonna- whoa!" Asuka gulped as he took a step out onto the edge of the lake, a shimmering light appearing under both their feet as they stood atop the surface of the water "That's a cool trick."
"You haven't seen anything yet." Kaworu smiled again, some of his usual cocksure arrogance returning as he took the two out further into the lake, taking the lead in stride as they dipped and weaved across the glittering field.
Asuka's heart pounded in her chest, stirred by the rush of everything around her. Shinji loved her for who she was underneath all the bullshit and pain in her life. Kaworu... in him Asuka could see something new, someone who loved her for what she could be, not bound by the past "Kaworu..."
She stopped dancing as they got close to where they started on the shoreline, her head and heart too busy to do anything more than stand still and hold the boy close.
"Asuka?" Kaworu blinked. "Is everything alright? Did I step on your-"
She shut him up with a kiss, reaching forward and placing her lips on his. It was wonderful and soft but also sudden and shocking, causing the boy to dispel the AT field and send them both tumbling into the shallows with a loud splash.
"Why did you do that!?" Kaworu sputtered as he got up, a mop of grey hair now fallen over his face, making him resemble a very wet poodle.
"What do you mean 'Why did I do that?' we were dancing and... it's normal to kiss someone you love isn't it?" She dragged herself up, feeling a dozen times heavier as the soaked hoodie sagged around her shoulders.
Kaworu swiped a curtain of grey hair out of his face, two red eyes blinking in surprise. "You love me?"
Asuka was not sure if she wanted to kiss him, smack him or both "Yes idiot! Now get me out of here before I freeze!"
The boy helped her wade through the shallows back to shore, shivering in the twilight air as she shed the large wet hoodie onto the grass.
"Here, please let me help with that." Kaworu wrapped his arms around her as Asuka's teeth began to chatter, pulling her close before planting a soft kiss on her neck. "I am sorry I was just surprised. For the record... I think I love you too."
Asuka squirmed in his arms but didn't try to break out, just blushing as she enjoyed the closeness despite it all. "You think?" She quirked an eyebrow, her voice teasing.
Kaworu chuckled "No, you're right. I... I love you Asuka. I don't know much about what I am going to do or what will happen now but... I love you."
Asuka closed her eye, feeling the joy in her heart meet the pain of what came next. "What are we going to tell Shinji?"
Another excellent chapter.
Asuka and Kaworu in a nutshell
Asuka and Kaworu in a nutshell
no.
Pink Flamingo Cabal Grand Vizier
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I like it when you get another character's perspective on a scene and it completely recontextualizes that scene, and a big chunk of this chapter was one long series of that, so I liked it a lot. It's one thing to say a story revolves around people struggling to communicate, and another to demonstrate it so deftly and explicitly.
I also really really like that like where Kaworu says "You're a human, you can choose what you want to be. But I'm a god, which means I have no choice." The idea that humans have a kind of liberty which gods do not, because gods are inherently bound to their cosmological role, is a fascinating notion, and one that fits the character.
I also really really like that like where Kaworu says "You're a human, you can choose what you want to be. But I'm a god, which means I have no choice." The idea that humans have a kind of liberty which gods do not, because gods are inherently bound to their cosmological role, is a fascinating notion, and one that fits the character.
- Location
- North Carolina, USA
We have returned, all of us. Chapter 43, impressive. I do have several things to say about this, coming back to reading and commenting. I am trying to make them as coherent as possible, so please bear with me.
First, overall. I want to say this is a great exploration of Asuka from start to finish. She has changed so much from her experience. But at the same time, the change is not total, it's not instantaneous, it's not a total 180 on who she previously was. She is struggling and she's feeling the broken pieces jangling inside as she pushes them back together. It's great. It's vivid and it's the sort of thing you genuinely remember even after reading and sigh over.
Now, I wanna highlight a few specific things I enjoyed. There's quite a few so, let's get going with them.
I appreciate how you balanced the mood of this scene, there was genuine levity when there needed to be but it didn't feel like it overpowered the serious moments.
Oh, that's also what her life was for so long before this. Does she realize that? It's powerful either way.
Okay, I know there's more than just these two lines in the exchange but I appreciated the starkness of them. It's the written equivalent blood on a white wall. It tells you everything with something simple. It does not need more words than that.
First, love Rits just heading off with "no Ship of Theseus shit. Not in my lab." And also, damn...I know this is to emphasize what she now has in common with Kaworu and Shinji but at the same time, I'm reminded of Rei's unique biology. And how Asuka may relate to that.
Oh man. This bit right here. Like a curved blade sinking in deep with the feelings.
Another great cute Asuka moment. She's indomitable.
Ironic considering how much she's changed. By how much they both changed.
Oh man...I love how you came to that detail. Just a nervous step into some tremendous realization.
Interesting new context for that iconic canon line.
Man, it's so great seeing Asuka reach a point where she's the one to talk people down and console them. Did you have to think a lot about how to make that feel convincing?
Yes...love seeing Kaworu at this level of sheer vulnerability. The buildup to it has been so well-paced.
That whole scene with them is great but this part, I like it for how silly and cute it was.
But yeah, this chapter just gave Asuka so much and made it clear how things are so markedly different with no turning back.
First, overall. I want to say this is a great exploration of Asuka from start to finish. She has changed so much from her experience. But at the same time, the change is not total, it's not instantaneous, it's not a total 180 on who she previously was. She is struggling and she's feeling the broken pieces jangling inside as she pushes them back together. It's great. It's vivid and it's the sort of thing you genuinely remember even after reading and sigh over.
Now, I wanna highlight a few specific things I enjoyed. There's quite a few so, let's get going with them.
I appreciate how you balanced the mood of this scene, there was genuine levity when there needed to be but it didn't feel like it overpowered the serious moments.
Oh, that's also what her life was for so long before this. Does she realize that? It's powerful either way.
Okay, I know there's more than just these two lines in the exchange but I appreciated the starkness of them. It's the written equivalent blood on a white wall. It tells you everything with something simple. It does not need more words than that.
First, love Rits just heading off with "no Ship of Theseus shit. Not in my lab." And also, damn...I know this is to emphasize what she now has in common with Kaworu and Shinji but at the same time, I'm reminded of Rei's unique biology. And how Asuka may relate to that.
Oh man. This bit right here. Like a curved blade sinking in deep with the feelings.
Another great cute Asuka moment. She's indomitable.
Ironic considering how much she's changed. By how much they both changed.
Oh man...I love how you came to that detail. Just a nervous step into some tremendous realization.
Interesting new context for that iconic canon line.
Man, it's so great seeing Asuka reach a point where she's the one to talk people down and console them. Did you have to think a lot about how to make that feel convincing?
Yes...love seeing Kaworu at this level of sheer vulnerability. The buildup to it has been so well-paced.
That whole scene with them is great but this part, I like it for how silly and cute it was.
But yeah, this chapter just gave Asuka so much and made it clear how things are so markedly different with no turning back.
- Location
- Edinburgh
This quote really resonates, it's something I think about quite a bit when travelling. Obviously not quite as extreme or with the sense of melancholy that Asuka has, but I pass so many towns/cities when going between where I live and my parents, hundreds/thousands maybe a million lives all getting on with their days and evenings, so many things could change between trips.
Hell it's the same for just my friends, in just three weeks to a month, so much can change for them regardless of me being there or not. It's interesting to think of.
Love this quote, it's so apt for Eva, there is so much tied to what their destinies should be. Gendo has his plans for everyone, SEELE has their plans for everyone, Shinji is supposed to do X, Kaworu is supposed to do Y, Asuka's whole identity is to be an Eva pilot, and without it she thinks she is no one. Yet, that's all rubbish because you are who you are, you are who you make yourself and you are what others make you. You aren't defined by your job, by your education, by a destiny, you are the sum of it all and without a destiny or a job, you are still you and you still have the purpose and reasons to go on and develop and live.
Kaworu is more then a destiny fed to him, he is Kaworu Nagisa and that's enough.
I definitely imagined this as an old looney tunes esque thing, where they hover in mid air for a moment, look down and then fall
---
Brilliant chapter as always Alex, can't wait for more
Even more AI nonsense for the chapter
- Location
- Canada
A big theme of the story I think is power and the inevitable isolation that comes with it and Kaworu is sorta the ultimate example of that. In terms of like, dumb DBZ esq power levels he's by far the highest of the cast but he's also paralyzed by his own weird hang ups and expectations.
It definitely gives her a new perspective on things, and marks her as something fundamentally different, something she always sorta believed about herself but now has to grapple with as a reality.
I definitely imagined this as an old looney tunes esque thing, where they hover in mid air for a moment, look down and then fall
Yeah I thought of that bit and laughed and could not help but add it in, just a light hearted moment of levity between the two after so much dour soul searching. I think it also shows the two really like and love each other not just on some earth shattering soul mate level but also as someone you like being around.
- Location
- Canada
Kaworu playing the violin at the side of the lake has bigEven more AI nonsense for the chapter
Energy