"Nagisa, your excessive cloth physics and bloom are sucking up all of the vRAM, You are lucky that I am not eight pixels."
Beauty and the Beast [NGE]
"Nagisa, your excessive cloth physics and bloom are sucking up all of the vRAM, You are lucky that I am not eight pixels."
- Location
- North Carolina, USA
And here we come to Chapter 45. You put a lot of work into showing how conflicted Kaworu is here and it shows gloriously. I think the whole story so far has built up to showing him in this constant state of uncertainty. He switches between thoughtful and regretful to undeniably petulant and I want to know how you keep that balance going as well as you have.
The bits that stood out to me the most, let's see:
I chuckled in real lire contemplating the image of Rei with a Zweihander (A Reihander?) and Kaworu with a rapier and dagger. And man, Kaworu is really coming off quite silly here, isn't he?
Nice description, helped underscore how his desired escapes from his difficult situation don't last.
Skill issue, Nagisa!
I've never had a severe injury but I'm familiar enough with mild to moderate ones to know how true this experience is.
Reibecca continues to shine a light through any darkness.
Talking to your cat? Relatable!
Oh, this bit is so melancholy in isolation, how it all hangs together.
And again, another great chapter ending!
The bits that stood out to me the most, let's see:
Poetic and markedly different from business as usual. Great way to surprise with the new chapter.
I chuckled in real lire contemplating the image of Rei with a Zweihander (A Reihander?) and Kaworu with a rapier and dagger. And man, Kaworu is really coming off quite silly here, isn't he?
Nice description, helped underscore how his desired escapes from his difficult situation don't last.
Skill issue, Nagisa!
I've never had a severe injury but I'm familiar enough with mild to moderate ones to know how true this experience is.
Reibecca continues to shine a light through any darkness.
I couldn't include all of the conversation between Kaworu and Misato but I love how complex you made them both feel. How they are both deeply and thoroughly rattled by what's going on and how they try to deal with it. And I'm also impressed by how good Kaworu is at keeping his facade up with her.
Talking to your cat? Relatable!
Oh, this bit is so melancholy in isolation, how it all hangs together.
And again, another great chapter ending!
- Location
- Edinburgh
Really great chapter, I especially liked seeing Misato and Kaworu interacting with one another, it's not a couple you see interacting much in fics and it's interesting to see someone show that there could be parallels between the two and also what sort of discussion might arise.
Your development of Kaworu has been really good as well, showing that struggle within himself, where he is aware of what he is and what he was raised to do, but now he's interacted with people, he's developed more of a moral compass, he cares for them he's really struggling with what he was supposed to do, and what he feels he should do, but also his perception of the world and his place within it. It's really engaging stuff, and I can't wait to see how his journey develops.
Your development of Kaworu has been really good as well, showing that struggle within himself, where he is aware of what he is and what he was raised to do, but now he's interacted with people, he's developed more of a moral compass, he cares for them he's really struggling with what he was supposed to do, and what he feels he should do, but also his perception of the world and his place within it. It's really engaging stuff, and I can't wait to see how his journey develops.
- Location
- Canada
Yeah, and he and Rei are even more human here than when we last saw them as they have both had a month of doing very little but interacting with normal (Or at least normal for evangelion) people so they both come off more relateable and able to communicate their emotions. Board game nights truly are magical.
Lol yes your AI pictures were a big source of inspiration for the first part of the chapter, that and after several chapters of mostly talking and crying I wanted some way to insert some action to wake people up.
They are very cute.
There is a delicious sort of Irony to their interaction, both think they are smarter and totally understand the other. Misato thinks Kaworu is just a dumb teenager because... well in some ways he is, but he also has a whole side of him she cant even guess at where as Kaworu looks down on Misato for being a human but also deeply appreciates her warmth and kindness... he just doesn't like admitting it, even to himself.
Gonna work on the new chapter in a bit will probably going to be a bit more because I need to plan out exactly what my path is and what my approach will be. I did want to also say that I uploaded the first three chapters of BNB onto Archive of our own since this thread is getting pretty big and intimidating and I want to encourage people to read the fic more broadly.
Chapter 46
- Location
- Canada
Chapter 46
"You... what!?" Shinji exclaimed, stumbling back as he absorbed the pair's words and nearly falling over as he reached the edge of the hill. Neither answered, leaving Shinji to glance erratically between the two of them, eventually settling on the redhead. "Asuka, how could you do this? After everything I did to..."
"Shinji, don't." The girl cut him off, her tone conveying an already-blooming aggravation with his response. "Just because..." She stopped herself, taking a moment to breathe. When she next spoke, it was with a gentler and slower cadence. "Shinji, I love you, and I appreciate everything you did to get me out of that... thing." Her tone turned steely as she began to assert herself, stepping forward. "But that doesn't mean I am always going to follow your lead, or that I need your approval for everything I do."
Shinji froze up as Asuka placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. It seemed as if the world were swirling around him, leaving him unable to keep up with all of this new information. "I know. I- I wasn't trying to control you." He stammered. "I just…"
"You were there with me, you know I spent my life until now being someone else's tool." Asuka sighed. "I can't do that anymore, not even for you."
Shinji brushed off Asuka's hand, his prior outrage flaring back up after that momentary abatement. "So what? Am I supposed to just forgive and forget after went behind my back?"
"And saved the world." Kaworu cut in, index finger upraised. "I thought that was what this whole thing was about. Are you mad she lied to you or are you mad she did what you could not?"
Asuka turned to the angel, glaring. "This would go a lot easier if you tried not to be an asshole."
Shinji ignored her, pushing past the girl to face Kaworu. directly "How do I know!? How do I know Asuka did anything at all? How do I know you're not going to murder us all the second we turn our backs?"
"Shinji, please!" Asuka shouted, half-pleading, half-exasperated. "I told you he's not going to do it; can you please just trust me?"
"You were stuck in Valkyrie's belly for a month and I did nothing. Asuka offered to step aside and let me walk right into terminal Dogma and I didn't do it." Said Kaworu with the sort of neutral tone one might reserve for a negotiation. He closed his eyes for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. "At some point, these things become an act of faith."
"I don't have any faith anymore! "Shinji yelled, his throat feeling hoarse despite his biology. "Everyone around me! Everything everyone tells me is a lie or aploy or a manipulation! I..." He clenched his teeth, face contorting as he tried not to cry out of frustration. "Asuka you, and I were together in there for what felt like forever. We were one. We couldn't lie to each other if we wanted to. And yet the first thing you do after we leave is... this."
"I know." Asuka sighed, appearing more tired in that moment than Shinji had ever seen her. "I'm sorry it had to be this way. It's the price being separate people again, for being in the real world; we're gonna hurt each other, and I'm sorry about that. But I still love you Shinji, and I know you love Kaworu too."
"That's my problem." Shinji scoffed. "I love everyone. I loved Mari even when I knew what she was doing wasn't right. I still love my dad even after everything he's done. I love Rei even if I don't understand her or know how to reach her." The boy sighed, his eyes rising to meet Kaworu's. The anxiety and hesitation finally left his voice as he resolved to face him directly. "And I love you, Kaworu. I hate you but I also love you, and I always will."
That seemed to finally get through to the Angel in a way that Shinji's words never really had. He froze for a moment, looking so small and so sad. When Kaworu finally spoke, his voice was quiet and unsteady. "Shinji… I thought you gave upon me."
No one spoke for a moment, simply letting everything sink in as they all oriented themselves into an entirely new paradigm. Asuka was, of course, the first to break this silence.
"Now." She announced, clapping to punctuate herself. "If we are all past trying to kill each other, maybe we can sit down and... and…"Asuka blinked, swaying on her feet as her voice grew unsteady. "God, my head. I didn't even drink this time..." She suddenly collapsed, crumpling down into a patch of tall, gently-swaying grass.
In an instant Shinji and Kaworu were on her, standing close on either side but unwilling to actually touch the girl. "What did you do?" Shinji snapped, looking up to glare at Kaworu.
"Me? You were the one yelling at her earlier!" Kaworu fired back. He seemed like he wanted to say more ,but cut off the argument before it could begin. He pressed two fingers to the side of Asuka's neck to check her pulse, muttering to himself. "I don't understand it. Her body is entirely healthy, yet her soul is coming apart…"
"I see it too." Shinji replied, reaching out with his spiritual senses, feeling her A.T. field beginning to flicker and dim. "I don't know what's happening. She wasn't like this back at the base." He redoubled his focus peeling away layers of chaff and as he delved deeper into Asuka's body, until finally he found a thin cord, a silver thread emerging from deep within her. It was like a ball of yarn being unraveled, the loose end trailing off into the distance – in the direction of the Geofront. "We have have to bring her back her back. She's—"
"Still connected to Valkyrie somehow." Kaworu replied, no doubt seeing the same thing as he. "I should have noticed that sooner." He crouched down, scooping Asuka into his arms. "I'll fly her back. You call Doctor Akagi; tell her to prep the medical bay and get Valkyrie ready to launch."
"Are you crazy or just stupid? "Shinji growled. "If you do that, the Geofront's sensors will light up like a Christmas tree! We'll be lucky if Katsuragi doesn't cluster bomb the whole area on instinct!"
"Misato wouldn't..." Kaworu looked down at Asuka and sighed in frustration. "Fine, call it in then! Just don't stop until you hear a VTOL."
Shinji pulled out his phone, dialing the number as he watched Kaworu hold Asuka gently in his arms. "You really love her, don't you?" He asked.
Kaworu blushed, not dignifying the comment with a response, and snatched the phone out of Shinji's hand as soon as he heard it connect. "Yes, hello?" He answered, unceremoniously depositing Asuka in Shinji's lap. The other boy yelped as the girl was suddenly forced onto him. "Yes, this is the fourth pilot, I am here with pilots Ikari and Soryu. Pilot Soryu is in critical condition and we need immediate transport." He paused for a moment, impatiently tapping his index finger on the back of the phone. "Go tell Akagi to prep medical and get your ass here now, or NERV will be down one fourth of its defenses - is that important enough for you?" There was a buzz and a click as Kaworu put away the phone. "they are coming."
Shinji swallowed, suddenly realizing he tightly was holding Asuka's body tight against himself. The girl murmuring something into his shoulder as she clung to him in her sleep. Reluctantly, he looked up from the girl to face Kaworu again. "Why did you do that?"
"You two were stuck together in Valkyrie; I figured maybe being near you would help."
"Thanks." Shinji nodded.
They sat on the edge of the hill in silence, the last of the sun's rays now fully gone, leaving nothing but the soft glow of creeping starlight. Shinji held the girl close. Her skin was cold and damp from sweat, and her chest rose slowly, struggling to breathe. The feeling was strange - she was such an overwhelming person, so strong in the face of everything, yet so fragile.
Just like Mari.
Shinji closed his eyes, listening to Asuka's raspy breathing, which barely rose above the wind in the grass or the distant cicadas. "Please..." He begged internally, though to who or what he wasn't sure. "Please, I can't take losing anyone else."
If there ever was a time when Shinji was grateful to see a flock of NERV gunships swooping up over the horizon, it was now. Their jet engines kicked up grass and dirt as they noisily approached. He was doubly grateful when it was Akagi who hopped out of the lead craft, rather than Misato or his father.
The blonde looked behind her as soon as she got off the VTOL, barking orders to the waiting evac team. "Get the second pilot on a stretcher now! Make sure to link the diagnostic scanners to MAGI Casper, I want to know what I am looking at by the time we get there! And someone please get Ibuki's ass in the medbay; we are coming in hot!"
Shinji froze as a swarm of NERV techs in hazmat suits washed over him, snatching Asuka out of his arms without a word before placing her on a stretcher, which was then carried over to one of the airships and placed inside what looked like a metal and glass cocoon. It took only a handful of seconds; a shocking display of rehearsed coordination.
Feeling as if he was falling behind the rapidly-moving situation, Shinji got up and approached the doctor, who was carefully pulling a cigarette out of an ornate gold case. "Rits... Doctor Akagi… I am so sorry. "Said Shinji, bowing at the waist. "We should have been more careful after everything that happened in Valkyrie. I just..."
Ritsuko turned to face the boy, tucking the case into her jacket. The flashing lights of the VTOL's headlights reflected off her glasses as she leaned down to Shinji's eye level. "Stop. This is my fuck up not yours." She declared, her voice fraught with stress and exhaustion. "It's my job to look after the health of the pilots, physical or otherwise. I don't know what I was thinking, letting you two out of quarantine so soon. Even if all of the tests came back normal…"
"It's Valkyrie." Came Kaworu's voice from behind Shinji. The two turned to see that the other boy had quietly joined them. "She left some..." He trailed off, struggling to find the right words. "Some part of herself in thereto keep the connection. We think that prolonged separation or distance is affecting her."
The doctor took a drag from her cigarette, quirking up an eyebrow as she eyed Kaworu suspiciously. "And you know this how?"
Kaworu blinked, realizing what he just said. "I, uh... well, Shinji told me that stuff and I believe him, so it's probably best to get her back to Valkyrie as soon as possible."
Ritsuko let out a snort of smoke. "The emergency medical bay is fairly close to the launch cages for obvious reasons, but if she doesn't stabilize..." She paused and took out her phone, quickly connecting to a secure channel of some kind. "Tell Maya and the intern to stop whatever cuddle session they have going on the bridge and prep Valkyrie for launch… No, I am not saying to go alert one, just get the Eva ready."
Shinji waited until the doctor put the phone away. "Rits, I know we are already asking a lot, but I was hoping--"
The doctor sighed loudly, careful not to let the cigarette fall from the corner of her mouth. "That you could come with and wait in the medical bay until we know more. I figured you would ask something like that." She looked at Shinji and Kaworu for a moment, irritation clear on her face, but sympathy won out in the end. "Fine; just stay quiet and don't get in my way. I can't make any promises regarding her condition until we get more data."
There was nothing more to say, and soon enough they all found themselves strapped into the military craft and in the air. The flight back to the Geofront was uneventful, the dirge of the craft's engines making it impossible for Shinji to say anything to the boy next to him, not that he was sure what he would if he could, given their close proximity to Akagi. Still, there seemed to be some shift in the air between the two boys. There was a thick tension, one that would not leave any time soon, but any aggression had entirely burned out. The clawing, acidic anger that seemed to bubbled up from Shinji's gut whenever he saw Kaworu was nowhere to be found, at least for now.
"Was he right about me?" Shinji thought, Kaworu's question echoing through his mind. Unable to speak, Shinji let himself fall into his own mind. Ever since he was sent away by his father to Mari, there had been a need in him. Not to prove himself - he quickly learned there was not a test, physical or intellectual, that Asuka would not beat him in - but to make himself useful. To help where he could, to be what the people around him needed to be. So, when he was told he was going to leave again, and this time he would have a chance to become the hero who could save everyone, how he could not have leapt at chance?
Yet it ended up being Asuka to do that, and she didn't need space magic powers or nanomachines or giant robots to do it - she just... talked to him. She saved the world Shinji glanced over at Kaworu, seeing the boy's eyes closed as he leaned his head against the rope webbing of the craft.
His father's words rang in his ears, and he considered the meaning behind them. His father was willing the doom the world to save his love; would Shinji do the same? Or, perhaps even more frightening a notion, could he bring himself to give up his love to save the world? He closed his eyes, trying to recall the flashes of other worlds he saw in that place. So many lay in ruins, either scoured of life or mutated into something too different to comprehend. How many of those were his fault and how many were his father's?
The VTOL landed on a small helipad below a retractable roof, which began to close above them as the craft powered down. Swiftly cut off from the fresh air of the outside world, Shinji, Kaworu and Doctor Akagi walked across a metal gangway and into the depths of the underground fortress.
True to their word, the did not get in the way – not that there was anything they could do anyway -letting themselves be shunted off into a seldom-used waiting room while Ritsuko went to work. Now that they were finally back in some kind of privacy, the prior awkwardness quickly began to once again take hold.
The breakroom was an unremarkable place, the very picture of mundanity, nothing but a few tables and chairs with a sad little coffee machine in the corner. Kaworu sprawled into one of the seats propping his elbow up on a table and looking across the room at Shinji. "So, what now?" He asked calmly, some of his usual composure having returned in the interim.
"I guess we wait and see." Shinji said with a shrug. His eyes flicked this way and that, not sure what to say. "Can you check that thing?" He pointed at the coffeemaker. "It's probably terrible but I haven't had a cup in ages."
Kaworu grunted in the affirmative, taking a styrofoam cup from the side of the machine and clicking a few buttons. After a moment, the machine deposited approximately one cup's worth of brown liquid into the vessel. Kaworu gave the cup a sniff before bringing the thing to his lips and taking a sip.
"How is it?" Shinji asked.
"Awful." Kaworu confirmed. "Do you still want it?"
"Sure." He replied, taking the cup from Kaworu, their fingers briefly touching in the exchange. "I guess now as good a time as any to talk." He declared, taking a sip of the coffee and nearly spitting it out. "Ugh, you were right, that is awful."
"So..." Kaworu traced a finger along the pressed wood of the table. "Where do you want to start?"
Shinji sighed, his head sinking down into his hands for a moment. "I don't know. Everything since I went to see my grandmother is such a blur to me. I feel the ground is rushing beneath my feet, and if I somehow manage to stand still I'll just fall apart."
"I guess that's a good a place as any then. I heard a bit about what happened there from Asuka."Kaworu replied, unable to hide the curiosity in his tone. "If you don't mind, I am interested in hearing it from you."
"What do you want to know?" Shinji asked, leaning back in his chair.
"She said you saw other worlds, that you saw… what was it? The Dead Sea something?" Kaworu tilted his head, feigning ignorance even as his eyes blazed with fascination. No doubt the was wary of bugs.
"If you want to talk, just talk .I don't have any more patience for slight of hand." Shinji scoffed. He held the cup of coffee up for a moment and concentrated, letting go with his hand but keeping it fixed in the air with his AT Field. He held it steady for a moment, waiting for some kind of alarm to go off, and when none did, he gently placed the cup back down on the table. "I think we are good."
In response, Kaworu stopped trying to hold back his questions, springing to his feet in excitement. "What did you see? The scrolls… they're everything. They are older thanthis planet!" He exclaimed, gesticulating with his hands. "Everything here, the Geofront, the Evangelions, you, me. It's all because of what Kiel saw in those scrolls."
"I wasn't looking for the secrets of the universe, I just wanted to find a way to save Asuka." Shinji answered. "In the end I realized all I had to do was ask."
The answer didn't seem to satisfy the Angel. "Still, Asuka said you saw things, not just about our world but others. Even other versions of us."
"I did." Shinji nodded. "But Ican't remember. No, remember is the wrong word. In order to get to the scrolls I had to be something else... something more than human. "He looked off in the distance, trying in vain to take hold of the slippery flashes of overlapping information he had managed to hold onto. "The things I did or saw… it's hard to explain it with simple words. It's much harder to keep it straight in your head...if you want to keep your head human shaped."
Kaworu laughed bitterly at that. "You know, you almost sound like Kiel when you talk like that."
Shinji shot the Angel a dirty look. "I would prefer you not compare me to a murderous cult leader please."He had to admit though, on some level it did feel good to finally be the one extolling mystical jargon and not just absorbing it.
"Fair enough." Kaworu shrugged. "But still, is that it? From Asuka's description, it sounded like there are other versions of us out there in the cosmos. I was just wondering, in any of those… do things work out?"
Shinji shook his head, taking on a conciliatory tone. "Infinite means infinite, and it was all unfiltered - there wasn't enough space in my head to hold much useful information. As far I can tell from the limited perspective I had, there are as many worlds that end badly for us as there are those that don't."
Cold silence fell upon them for a moment, before it was suddenly broken by a burst of full-throated laughter from Kaworu. "Well, that's better odds then I thought we had!" He declared, grinning. "For a minute there I thought we were totally doomed."
Shinji raised one eyebrow. "And hereI thought you had turned a new leaf. That's a pessimistic attitude for the savior of humanity to have."
Kaworu shook his head at that. "The thing I have faith in now is her... and you." He said bittersweetly.
Those words caused a painful twinge in Shinji's chest. He wasn't sure what to say to that, or even what he ought to be feeling at the moment, so he tried to ignore it, shifting the topic. "Speaking of which, you pushed me into going after something to help Asuka... did you plan on her and I merging in Valkyrie's core?" He asked, his tone becoming harder.
Kaworu looked away, guilt writ across his featured. "I wanted a way out of our deal that didn't involve me killing you." He muttered, sitting back down. "When Asuka was changed, I thought that maybe that was a strange blessing. I thought you and her could stay in there while Rei, and Misato and I dealt with the last of my siblings."
Shinji's face fell as he took in Kaworu's words, knowing what was coming but dreading it all the same. He still had no idea how to reckon with the acts the boy across from him had, until very recently, been planning to commit.
Kaworu continued his words taking on a wistful tone. "Then after that, I could send you and Asuka off. With an intact Core, you could drift through space indefinitely together. I figured maybe you two could find another world to make your own, leaving me to do my duty here."
Now it was Shinji's turn to chuckle. "I have been on plenty of road trips with Asuka. Trust me, after a few hours stuck in the back of a hot car you really feel it. Can't imagine what an eternity would be like..." He shook his head, looking Kaworu in the eye once more. "I don't know what to say. You manipulated me, you tried to trap me in Valkyrie's core for millions of years!" He pointed accusatorily at Kaworu, who took it all with the same sad smile. Even now, the Angel was hard to read.
Shinji groaned, unable to hold onto the same anger he once held toward the boy before him, and lowered his hand. "And you did it all because you wanted to save me. I don't know whether to thank you or punch you."
His words seemed to put a somber, amused look on the Angel's face. "Would you believe Asuka said something very similar to me on the hill while we were waiting for you?" He asked sadly.
"I'd take that bet." Shinji chuckled. "I guess after everything that has happened I understand the sentiment." He recalled his father's words, pleading with Shinji to help reunite him with Yui in the core of Unit 01. "Still, don't ever do that again."
Kaworu sighed. "I'm sorry I did that, and... well, I guess if I we are doing this, I am sorry I threw you through a parking garage."
"I'm pretty sure I was the one who threw the first punch there." Shinji replied, not bothering to try and sort out the violent blur that was his memory of that night. "But I am sorry I did that. I'm sorry I treated you like another faceless enemy to destroy to save the day." Shinji sighed for what must have been the hundredth time that day. "Maybe if I just listened to you or talked to you, things could have been different."
"We are never going to know."Kaworu cut the boy off, a somber look in his eyes. "Maybe it would have worked, or maybe it would have ended the same, or maybe it would have been worse. Maybe I needed to understand what I was going to lose before could make my choice. Unless we get another look into the archives, all we can do is guess."
Shinji knew in his heart that Kaworu was right, and for once he wasn't being smug about it, which somehow made it feel worse. No matter what awesome power either of them wielded, neither could change what had happened between them. All they could do now was choose how they would move forward. He thought of his father, of the decaying bar that he had dragged him to. Beyond the cruelty, beyond the practiced façade of cold power, the man was trapped, dragged down by his past until he could not even see anything worthwhile in the future.
Shinji didn't want to be like him.
He took a deep breath, steeling his will for the words he knew he had to speak. When he finally did, it was like moving a mountain. "Kaworu... Asuka was right before. I love her but I can't control her. Whatever scars we have, whatever fears I have, no matter how much I want to protect her. If you and want to be together then I won't stand in your way."
There was a painful satisfaction in expressing this truth – and it was a truth, that much was clear. As difficult as it was, it was the only path forward that could lead anywhere good. Kaworu seemed to understand as much, looking at Shinji with a complicated knot of emotions that the boy couldn't even begin to unravel. "Shinji…" He sighed, his voice dripping with a deep, sincere fondness. "I didn't expect you to be so you."
Shinji raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
Kaworu laughed. "Maybe it's because the chairman set my expectations for humanity at such a minimum, but you never fail to impress me, Shinji. Your compassion, your dedication, your forgiveness." Said Kaworu, his eyes beginning to water. "You really are everything humanity should be."
An intense heat crept up Shinji's face. In the face of such utter sincerity, he was unprepared and defenseless, his composure quickly falling to pieces around him. "Ah, come on, I-I don't know about that. I've done a lot of stupid things!I..." He trailed off, unable to look Kaworu in the face anymore out of embarrassment.
Before the conversation could progress any further, the two of them were interrupted by a quick knock at the door. A moment later, they found themselves joined by Ritsuko, alongside a tired but much healthier-looking Asuka. Shinji gave the girl a once over as he got out of his chair. She had been changed into a baby blue hospital gown and was leaning on a case. Around her wrist was a familiar black bracelet, the sight of which made Shinji go pale.
He remembered, suddenly, the conversation with his father at the bar.
'I think you know how important and central that girl is between us...'
"Hey guys. Sorry I ruined the party out there..." Asuka greeted, smiling weakly and looking from one boy to the other. "I see you have managed not to kill each other yet."
Shinji realized he hadn't been breathing for several seconds now. He stood up, doing his best to look at least somewhat relaxed as the conversation continued.
'If Asuka and I were to stay quiet for now at least…'
"You should have seen how concerned these two were for you out there." Ritsuko told Asuka, wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders and giving her a gentle squeeze. "You were right by the way - about Valkyrie. Her condition improved dramatically as soon as she was inside the entry plug. I can't promise much but I think we are good for now."
Shinji tried to say something but could not get out the words. It felt as if panic was clawing up his throat, leaving no room for speech or even breath. He awkwardly smiled, trying not to unravel further.
Did he do this? Was this his fault?Had he somehow provoked his father in the short time since he was dropped off? Had his father done something to Asuka already, before even speaking to him? It was too perfectly timed, too convenient to be a coincidence.
"Well, that's good." Kaworu swept round the table, taking Asuka by the hand and leading her to the couch by the door "So do you think she should stay here for a while or"
Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. "Your apartment is a straight line to the launch bay and the medical wing; I think getting her some rest is probably the best thing we can do in the short term. After that, I foresee an incredibly boring period of trial and error as we see how long Asuka needs to be in contact with Valkyrie, what the range is, what we can do to extend it..."
As Ritsuko launched into a rather dry forecast of how Asuka's health would be monitored and managed in the coming weeks, Shinji found himself increasingly unable to retainany of it. The world seemed to recede into a single point, trapping him with his own thoughts. Was there nothing at all he could do? No escape from the constant danger? It wasn't fair!
As the room's other three occupants continued to talk. Shinji gripped the back of his chair tighter and tighter, until the metal frame began to warp in his hands. Suddenly, he realized no one was speaking anymore - they were all looking at him, no doubt waiting for a response. "I uh...I'm glad you're feeling better, Asuka." He stammered, then turned to face Kaworu in a single, jerky motion. "Can you take her back to the apartment? I want to talk to Doctor Akagi alone for a minute."
Kaworu gave him an odd look but seemed to understand the intent "I'll get her back safe and sound."
"Oh come on, I'm not made of glass." Asuka huffed as Kaworu took her hand, ready to lead her out of the room. "Not that I can say I hate the attention." She smirked, before looking over at Shinji. "You okay? What did you two talk about while I was out?"
"I promise we can catch up as soon as you get some rest." Shinji assured the girl, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "Alright?"
The worry on Asuka's face did not dissipate, but she nodded anyway. "Okay, fine. Ill see you in a bit then…" She grumbled.
Kaworu and Asuka left without another word, the warm joy of Asuka's return leaving with them, replaced by a cold tension in the air between Shinji and the doctor. "Look Shinji, I understand you are worried about the bracelet after everything that happened last time." Ritsuko said wearily. "But we need to monitor her vital signs in case she needs immediate treatment."
"I didn't say anything to anyone and neither did Asuka." Shinji's announced, his voice ice cold.
Ritstuko tilted he head a bit. "Excuse me?"
All of his pent-up worry, his anger, his frustration with the people around him, it came spilling out all at once, a shrill shout tearing its way out of his throat. "My father, his secrets, his threats! I saw Asuka right after I saw him! I didn't even have a chance to..." Shinji let out a wordless sound of frustration, unable to hold back his steadily building anger. "Was this just some way of showing off what he could do!?"
The doctor's face went pale. She tooka step back, swallowing. "Shinji, I have no idea what you are talking about. What exactly did the commander—"
Shinji's body moved before his mind knew what it was doing. In a single motion, he surged forward, grabbing the woman by the collar of her lab coat and slamming her against the wall behind her. A framed poster was knocked off the wall from the impact, and the water cooler toppled onto its side, its contents sloshing into the old carpet. "Don't lie to me!" Shinji yelled, feeling the woman go limp in his grip as he pressed her against the drywall, fear flashing in her eyes "He said he was going to hurt her if I didn't play along with his bullshit!"
He pressed her harder, felt the wall beginning to faintly crack and groan behind her. Her fingernails dug into his wrist, as if that would do anything; there was nothing she could do to stop him if he wanted to hurt her. "I said yes, I did everything you wanted and you hurt her anyway! Why!?"
"We would never..." Ritsuko forced out through breathless lungs. The words were quiet and strangely calm, as if she was speaking to herself. "Shinji, I don't know what you and the – Gah! – what you and your father spoke about, but I swear I didn't hurt Asuka!"
Ritsuko's pleas sounded truthful, but that did little to calm the fire raging inside Shinji's chest. Did it even really matter what was real anymore? Even if she didn't do this, the doctor must surely have done something else, be it to him, or Mari, or Rei, or someone else. She couldn't be trusted; no one at NERV could. And even more than that, he wanted to hurt his father in some way – wanted to show him that he still had some spine in him yet.
"Don't be like him..."
For a moment Shinji wasn't sure if the words came from the doctor or himself. Everything seemed to come to a halt. Ritsuko's feet dangled in the air, her body held aloft easily by his unearthly strength. She was light; she barely weighed more than Asuka.
He let her go.
*
Half a dozen identical black tractor trailers rolled down a lonely strip of highway, cutting a scar across the flat and scorching Arizona desert. It was a strange place, beautiful in own inhospitable way. If Second Impact and the disasters that followed had affected this place at all, one could hardly notice at all, save for the towering complex of glass and steel which housed NERVs fourth branch.
Each truck took up nearly the entire road, not that they were fighting for space - the Arizona branch was lonely at the best of times, its size and workforce a fraction of the size of the larger branches in Massachusetts and Hamburg, let alone the Geofront and all of its wonders.
Stern held onto a section of the webbing that coated the walls of the truck's interior, steadying himself as it hit a bump in the road. as they went over a bump. He was grateful these vehicles were air conditioned for their role in transporting expensive and delicate machinery; he had become used to the perfectly calibrated and controlled flow of air in his lab back at Boston, and did not wish to spend more time in the Arizona sun than he had to. Unfortunately, some things needed his supervision, even if he now had people he could trust implicitly.
Mana's eyes flickered in the dim light. If one observed from the right angle and knew where to look, they could see the glowing ends of a hundred razor-thin optical sensors, each buzzing and shifting as they adjusted to the flickering light above them. "Have you been here before?" She asked, tilting her head slightly.
Stern scratched his chin, trying to identify the emotion behind the girl's words. She was not a person who spoke idly, after all. "No, Arizona was Makinami's branch. Hera nd I could barely get along at the best of times while we were working in Germany; once she was sent out here I saw no reason to contact her unless absolutely necessary."
Mana gave a shallow nod. "I only ask because you chose to come yourself." She remarked, not quite a question.
"Don't take this as me doubting your abilities." Stern assured the girl. "There are simply some things you need to do yourself."
Mana said nothing, but her artificial eyes carried many unspoken questions. He saw no reason not to reward her curiosity.
"Makinami was many irritating things but in her own specific field she was the best in the world." Stern continued. "That's why they sent her out here to play with artificial S2 engines. That is also why we are here." He rapped his knuckles against the metal of the truck's inner wall. "Somewhere in there is a piece of technology Mari hadn't thought about in years – I badly need it."
"That's why you're here. I am here to kill NERV." Mana corrected him, her voice cold and steady. "Don't forget that."
"Don't worry there will be lots of that." Stern smirked, looking around at the dozen or so men around him, all holding rifles and coated in sturdy tactical gear. "As the saying goes, I didn't come here to make friends."
The convoy rolled on, eventually stopping, then starting again, as they made their way through a series of checkpoints. Eventually, the trucks all passed through the main gate and into to a large courtyard that connected to the facility's various branches.
Go time. Stern got up from his seat, quickly walking to the back of the trailer and pressing a button on the wall. The door slid upward with a hiss as the cold air inside met the hot air outside, making a gust of wind blow out into the face of the man before him.
"Commander Stern?" Asked NERV technical officer holding a clipboard, looking up at him with a baffled expression. "I had no idea- I, erm, wasn't informed you would be picking up the parts in person, sir." He stammered, motioning to a set of a few dozen pallets of equipment, each one carefully tagged, labelled and vacuumed sealed in dust-resistant plastic. "We were a bit surprised at your sudden request for materials; I thought you guys had everything over-"
The man went silent as Stern drew apistol from inside his jacket. He smoothly pointed it at the technician's face and fired, shattering the man's glasses and leaving a bloody mess on the dusty ground beneath him. "Kill everything that moves." He commanded, looking over his shoulder to see Mana and the soldiers emerging from the truck in swift and efficient fashion. A moment later, similar-looking men burst from the other trucks and began grouping up into squads. "Take everything not nailed down."
*
He had done it again. First Kensuke, then Misato, now Ritsuko; he had let his anger take over, and for what? A frightened look? A moment of power? Hurting Kensuke didn't make Sakura any more secure, hurting Misato had not brought Mari back and hurting Ritsuko had not saved Asuka from his father.
'Three steps forward two steps back...'
Shinji blinked, pausing his walk towards his apartment as his guardian's voice rang in his head. Yeah, he was, wasn't he? He had fucked up, and probably would again, but he could change. He was changing. Asuka loved him - he couldn't even think the words without smiling - and Kaworu... Well, things were still complicated there, but at least the fate of the world wasn't on the line. He could apologize to Ritsuko and Misato...and Kensuke if he could find him. He didn't have to be like his father, trapped and alone unchanging.
Even after all the loss and death ands adness, there was still hope for something better. He didn't quite remember the lyrics, but as he made his way back to the apartment Shinji found himself humming his mentor's old song.
Arriving at the door to the apartment, Shinji took a slow, deep breath trying to center himself for what he knew was coming. 'Three steps forward...' Opening the door, Shinji froze in place, marveling at the idyllic scene before him. Asuka and Kaworu cuddled on the couch, her sprawled onto his chest like a sleepy cat and him twirling a strand of red hair around his finger, red eyes looking at something a million miles away. Shinji alerted them to his presence with a polite cough. "Uh...hey." He greeted, waving awkwardly.
"Shinji!" Asuka jumped from her seat like a firecracker before running at him and throwing her arms around him. "Come here, you!" She shouted, before pulling him into a deep kiss.
It was warm and bold and fierce, despite the girl's present fragility. All at once, a great deal of doubt was knocked out of Shinji's head, and he kissed her back, not pulling away for what must have been at least ten seconds. "Sorry I didn't catch that can you say it again?" He asked, allowing himself a wry smile.
"Not to ruin the moment," Kaworu remarked, approaching at a more leisurely pace. He placed a hand onShinji's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "But what was that with Doctor Akagi?"
The third pilot sighed, avoiding Kaworu's gaze. "Maybe later; it's been a long day." He said, extricating himself from Asuka's grip and taking a step back. The concerned looks of his two companions, however, quickly shut down any thoughts of avoiding this conversation.
No, none of that. He couldn't keep running away. "It's a long, depressing story." Shinji began, pinching his brow as he tried to organize his thoughts, before pointing to the couch. "You should probably sit down; this is going to take a while."
Shinji pulled up a chair across from the two and sat down then started to work through what he knew. He told them what his father had told him about his plans, his need to use him as a catalyst with Rei to start an impact event to reunite with Yui in Unit 01's core. He told them about their talk at the old bar, and about the not-so-veiled threats he made to keep Shinji silent. Finally, and with some regret, he told them about his encounter with Doctor Akagi and her denial.
When he finished, a heavy silence hung upon them all for what was probably only a handful of seconds, but felt like minutes. "Damn." Asuka muttered, tightly gripping an armrest. "Damn, I knew your dad was a prick, but that's…"
Shinji nodded silently, not sure how to respond.
"So then, what are we to do now?"Kaworu cut in, concern writ across his face as he looked from Shinji to Asuka, then back again.
"I don't really know." Shinji admitted, sinking into his chair, his eyes drifting to the ceiling."Be careful, look after each other and wait?"
"Sit and wait?" Asuka scoffed. "Shinji, I know he's your father but if what he said back at that bar is true then we have to do something!"
"Then what?" Shinji asked, giving voice to the question that had been lingering in his mind since the meeting "Say we kill him right now. Him, and then the mountain of Section Two agents around him." He paused, seeing the conflicted looks on their faces. "Then we become enemies of NERV and Japan and everyone else. Then what? We fight the whole world? What if another Angel attacks after NERV is destroyed? What about the rest of SEELE? Are they going to—"
"I think I understand what Shinji is saying." Kaworu cut the boy off before he could ramble any further, holding up one hand. "Despite all our power, the range of responses available to us is quite limited. Especially as Asuka is now joined at the hip to Valkyrie."
"Hey!" Asuka pushed off from the Angel, a wounded look on her face. "I didn't ask for this! In fact, I would not be like this if you hadn't got me thrown into the core of Unit 02 in the first place."
"I didn't push you in, you did that all by yourself." Kaworu scowled "I just pointed Shinji in the right direction to join you."
"Stop." Shinji declared, prompting both Kaworu and Asuka to quiet down and turn towards him. "Look, weall fucked up to varying degrees, okay? We all lied, we all cheated, we were all stupid..." Shinji trailed off, feeling a flood of memories roll through his mind. "We can either replay those battles over and over or we can decide right here right now to change. Alright?" He asked. When neither of the other two said anything, he continued "If this..." he motioned between the three of them "Is going to work, we need to be totally honest with each other from this point forwards."
There was a long pause, in which a heavy feeling of tension washed over them all. It was lifted, at least a bit, when Asuka spoke up first. "I guess... I'm scared. "She muttered, pulling her legs up onto the couch. "All my life I told myself that I was special, that I was different from everyone else because I could pilot the Eva..." She paused, her hand drifting to the dark patch over her left eye. "And now I really am, and might be forever. I might never be able to live a normal life. "She looked at the two of them "And yeah, I am sorry I fucked up with this. I always hated my dad for what he did, but now look at me, doing the same thing!" She laughed bitterly. "But I love you, okay? We can make it work, I know we can."
"We can." Kaworu replied, his voice filled with quiet determination as he took the girl's hand. He then took a moment to formulate his own awkward little confessional. "A week ago, I never thought I would see either of you again. Yesterday, I thought I was some chosen messiah fated toun make this broken world..." He trailed off, the words sounding stale even as he said them. "Now, I don't really know. I have no sense of certainty; my ship has sailed over the edge of the world and now mingles with all the darkest krakens and dragons." He sighed. Asuka rolled her one eye at his needless verbosity. "The point is, I think it's going to take me a while to figure out who I am and what I want my life to be, now that that is something I can choose. "A warm smile crept over his face. "But one thing is certain: I know whatever comes, I want to be with you two."
It really was strange, seeing Kaworu vulnerable like this, but Shinji was rapidly coming to realize that all of this had been there the whole time, just beneath the surface. For all that Kaworu vexed him – sometimes even intentionally – Shinji wondered how much the Angel even knew himself.
"What about you?" Asuka asked.
Shinji blinked, snapping back to the present as he realized the girl had posed the question to him. "Sorry, what?"
"Come on!" Asuka snorted "Don't hand us a soapbox and then run off! Revealing secrets time, chop chop!" She declared, clapping her hands for emphasis.
"I think I told you everything we were mind linked remember?" Shinji scratched his chin. "I, uh, had a crush on Kaji growing up?"
"Pfft I knew that you dork, try again." Asuka commanded, utterly unmoved.
"I, uh…" Shinji murmured, wracking his brain, then winced pre-emptively as he discovered along-buried memory. "Oh, you know when we were seven? And I beat you at checkers?"
Asuka's remaining eye narrowed. "Go on."
"You were right." Shinji admitted. "I cheated. You kept going off to bug Rebecca so I moved the pieces around while you weren't looking."
"You little weasel!" Asuka shouted. "I knew it was you!" The girl pounced on him from the couch, tacking Shinji to the floor. As the two began to tussle allover the apartment, Kaworu began to giggle, then howl with laughter.
"Gah, Asuka, stop! You're supposed to be taking it easy, remember!?" Shinji whined, looking to Kaworu with pleading eyes. "A little help?"
The Angel rolled his eyes. "I think you're doing fine, hero."
The boy laughed as Asuka's ineffectual attacks to his chest turned into the girl pinning him against the carpet. "I love you, you know that?"
"I know." She replied.
*
"This is the one?" Stern asked, motioning toward a grey shipping container, one of hundreds in the sprawling underground warehouse around them. Above them could be heard the occasional muffled sound of gunfire, the NERV staff still being mopped up as Stern's men liquidated the last pockets of resistance.
"I'm certain." Mana answered, placing her palm on the container. "According to the data in the system, this is the only container sealed and catalogued by Makinami's command code that was not shipped to Japan with her and Unit 04."
"So either this contains two tonnes of baby photos or it's is exactly what we are looking for." Stern chuckled, calmly stepping over the body of a dead NERV officer to get to the control panel. His boot made a squelching sound as it landed in a puddle of the man's blood.
Mana watched as Stern pulled a small grey box from his pocket and attached a trailing wire to the control panel. The screen on the electronic lock began to twitch and stutter in a kaleidoscopic lightshow. "How long is it going to take?"
Stern simply raised an eyebrow. "You insult me." He smirked, waving a hand. With a hiss of hydraulics and the clinking of magnetic locks the container opened, revealing a large black chair made entirely out of what looked like shiny blackstone. "God is in his heaven because he is afraid of what he made"
"You... what!?" Shinji exclaimed, stumbling back as he absorbed the pair's words and nearly falling over as he reached the edge of the hill. Neither answered, leaving Shinji to glance erratically between the two of them, eventually settling on the redhead. "Asuka, how could you do this? After everything I did to..."
"Shinji, don't." The girl cut him off, her tone conveying an already-blooming aggravation with his response. "Just because..." She stopped herself, taking a moment to breathe. When she next spoke, it was with a gentler and slower cadence. "Shinji, I love you, and I appreciate everything you did to get me out of that... thing." Her tone turned steely as she began to assert herself, stepping forward. "But that doesn't mean I am always going to follow your lead, or that I need your approval for everything I do."
Shinji froze up as Asuka placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. It seemed as if the world were swirling around him, leaving him unable to keep up with all of this new information. "I know. I- I wasn't trying to control you." He stammered. "I just…"
"You were there with me, you know I spent my life until now being someone else's tool." Asuka sighed. "I can't do that anymore, not even for you."
Shinji brushed off Asuka's hand, his prior outrage flaring back up after that momentary abatement. "So what? Am I supposed to just forgive and forget after went behind my back?"
"And saved the world." Kaworu cut in, index finger upraised. "I thought that was what this whole thing was about. Are you mad she lied to you or are you mad she did what you could not?"
Asuka turned to the angel, glaring. "This would go a lot easier if you tried not to be an asshole."
Shinji ignored her, pushing past the girl to face Kaworu. directly "How do I know!? How do I know Asuka did anything at all? How do I know you're not going to murder us all the second we turn our backs?"
"Shinji, please!" Asuka shouted, half-pleading, half-exasperated. "I told you he's not going to do it; can you please just trust me?"
"You were stuck in Valkyrie's belly for a month and I did nothing. Asuka offered to step aside and let me walk right into terminal Dogma and I didn't do it." Said Kaworu with the sort of neutral tone one might reserve for a negotiation. He closed his eyes for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. "At some point, these things become an act of faith."
"I don't have any faith anymore! "Shinji yelled, his throat feeling hoarse despite his biology. "Everyone around me! Everything everyone tells me is a lie or aploy or a manipulation! I..." He clenched his teeth, face contorting as he tried not to cry out of frustration. "Asuka you, and I were together in there for what felt like forever. We were one. We couldn't lie to each other if we wanted to. And yet the first thing you do after we leave is... this."
"I know." Asuka sighed, appearing more tired in that moment than Shinji had ever seen her. "I'm sorry it had to be this way. It's the price being separate people again, for being in the real world; we're gonna hurt each other, and I'm sorry about that. But I still love you Shinji, and I know you love Kaworu too."
"That's my problem." Shinji scoffed. "I love everyone. I loved Mari even when I knew what she was doing wasn't right. I still love my dad even after everything he's done. I love Rei even if I don't understand her or know how to reach her." The boy sighed, his eyes rising to meet Kaworu's. The anxiety and hesitation finally left his voice as he resolved to face him directly. "And I love you, Kaworu. I hate you but I also love you, and I always will."
That seemed to finally get through to the Angel in a way that Shinji's words never really had. He froze for a moment, looking so small and so sad. When Kaworu finally spoke, his voice was quiet and unsteady. "Shinji… I thought you gave upon me."
No one spoke for a moment, simply letting everything sink in as they all oriented themselves into an entirely new paradigm. Asuka was, of course, the first to break this silence.
"Now." She announced, clapping to punctuate herself. "If we are all past trying to kill each other, maybe we can sit down and... and…"Asuka blinked, swaying on her feet as her voice grew unsteady. "God, my head. I didn't even drink this time..." She suddenly collapsed, crumpling down into a patch of tall, gently-swaying grass.
In an instant Shinji and Kaworu were on her, standing close on either side but unwilling to actually touch the girl. "What did you do?" Shinji snapped, looking up to glare at Kaworu.
"Me? You were the one yelling at her earlier!" Kaworu fired back. He seemed like he wanted to say more ,but cut off the argument before it could begin. He pressed two fingers to the side of Asuka's neck to check her pulse, muttering to himself. "I don't understand it. Her body is entirely healthy, yet her soul is coming apart…"
"I see it too." Shinji replied, reaching out with his spiritual senses, feeling her A.T. field beginning to flicker and dim. "I don't know what's happening. She wasn't like this back at the base." He redoubled his focus peeling away layers of chaff and as he delved deeper into Asuka's body, until finally he found a thin cord, a silver thread emerging from deep within her. It was like a ball of yarn being unraveled, the loose end trailing off into the distance – in the direction of the Geofront. "We have have to bring her back her back. She's—"
"Still connected to Valkyrie somehow." Kaworu replied, no doubt seeing the same thing as he. "I should have noticed that sooner." He crouched down, scooping Asuka into his arms. "I'll fly her back. You call Doctor Akagi; tell her to prep the medical bay and get Valkyrie ready to launch."
"Are you crazy or just stupid? "Shinji growled. "If you do that, the Geofront's sensors will light up like a Christmas tree! We'll be lucky if Katsuragi doesn't cluster bomb the whole area on instinct!"
"Misato wouldn't..." Kaworu looked down at Asuka and sighed in frustration. "Fine, call it in then! Just don't stop until you hear a VTOL."
Shinji pulled out his phone, dialing the number as he watched Kaworu hold Asuka gently in his arms. "You really love her, don't you?" He asked.
Kaworu blushed, not dignifying the comment with a response, and snatched the phone out of Shinji's hand as soon as he heard it connect. "Yes, hello?" He answered, unceremoniously depositing Asuka in Shinji's lap. The other boy yelped as the girl was suddenly forced onto him. "Yes, this is the fourth pilot, I am here with pilots Ikari and Soryu. Pilot Soryu is in critical condition and we need immediate transport." He paused for a moment, impatiently tapping his index finger on the back of the phone. "Go tell Akagi to prep medical and get your ass here now, or NERV will be down one fourth of its defenses - is that important enough for you?" There was a buzz and a click as Kaworu put away the phone. "they are coming."
Shinji swallowed, suddenly realizing he tightly was holding Asuka's body tight against himself. The girl murmuring something into his shoulder as she clung to him in her sleep. Reluctantly, he looked up from the girl to face Kaworu again. "Why did you do that?"
"You two were stuck together in Valkyrie; I figured maybe being near you would help."
"Thanks." Shinji nodded.
They sat on the edge of the hill in silence, the last of the sun's rays now fully gone, leaving nothing but the soft glow of creeping starlight. Shinji held the girl close. Her skin was cold and damp from sweat, and her chest rose slowly, struggling to breathe. The feeling was strange - she was such an overwhelming person, so strong in the face of everything, yet so fragile.
Just like Mari.
Shinji closed his eyes, listening to Asuka's raspy breathing, which barely rose above the wind in the grass or the distant cicadas. "Please..." He begged internally, though to who or what he wasn't sure. "Please, I can't take losing anyone else."
If there ever was a time when Shinji was grateful to see a flock of NERV gunships swooping up over the horizon, it was now. Their jet engines kicked up grass and dirt as they noisily approached. He was doubly grateful when it was Akagi who hopped out of the lead craft, rather than Misato or his father.
The blonde looked behind her as soon as she got off the VTOL, barking orders to the waiting evac team. "Get the second pilot on a stretcher now! Make sure to link the diagnostic scanners to MAGI Casper, I want to know what I am looking at by the time we get there! And someone please get Ibuki's ass in the medbay; we are coming in hot!"
Shinji froze as a swarm of NERV techs in hazmat suits washed over him, snatching Asuka out of his arms without a word before placing her on a stretcher, which was then carried over to one of the airships and placed inside what looked like a metal and glass cocoon. It took only a handful of seconds; a shocking display of rehearsed coordination.
Feeling as if he was falling behind the rapidly-moving situation, Shinji got up and approached the doctor, who was carefully pulling a cigarette out of an ornate gold case. "Rits... Doctor Akagi… I am so sorry. "Said Shinji, bowing at the waist. "We should have been more careful after everything that happened in Valkyrie. I just..."
Ritsuko turned to face the boy, tucking the case into her jacket. The flashing lights of the VTOL's headlights reflected off her glasses as she leaned down to Shinji's eye level. "Stop. This is my fuck up not yours." She declared, her voice fraught with stress and exhaustion. "It's my job to look after the health of the pilots, physical or otherwise. I don't know what I was thinking, letting you two out of quarantine so soon. Even if all of the tests came back normal…"
"It's Valkyrie." Came Kaworu's voice from behind Shinji. The two turned to see that the other boy had quietly joined them. "She left some..." He trailed off, struggling to find the right words. "Some part of herself in thereto keep the connection. We think that prolonged separation or distance is affecting her."
The doctor took a drag from her cigarette, quirking up an eyebrow as she eyed Kaworu suspiciously. "And you know this how?"
Kaworu blinked, realizing what he just said. "I, uh... well, Shinji told me that stuff and I believe him, so it's probably best to get her back to Valkyrie as soon as possible."
Ritsuko let out a snort of smoke. "The emergency medical bay is fairly close to the launch cages for obvious reasons, but if she doesn't stabilize..." She paused and took out her phone, quickly connecting to a secure channel of some kind. "Tell Maya and the intern to stop whatever cuddle session they have going on the bridge and prep Valkyrie for launch… No, I am not saying to go alert one, just get the Eva ready."
Shinji waited until the doctor put the phone away. "Rits, I know we are already asking a lot, but I was hoping--"
The doctor sighed loudly, careful not to let the cigarette fall from the corner of her mouth. "That you could come with and wait in the medical bay until we know more. I figured you would ask something like that." She looked at Shinji and Kaworu for a moment, irritation clear on her face, but sympathy won out in the end. "Fine; just stay quiet and don't get in my way. I can't make any promises regarding her condition until we get more data."
There was nothing more to say, and soon enough they all found themselves strapped into the military craft and in the air. The flight back to the Geofront was uneventful, the dirge of the craft's engines making it impossible for Shinji to say anything to the boy next to him, not that he was sure what he would if he could, given their close proximity to Akagi. Still, there seemed to be some shift in the air between the two boys. There was a thick tension, one that would not leave any time soon, but any aggression had entirely burned out. The clawing, acidic anger that seemed to bubbled up from Shinji's gut whenever he saw Kaworu was nowhere to be found, at least for now.
"Was he right about me?" Shinji thought, Kaworu's question echoing through his mind. Unable to speak, Shinji let himself fall into his own mind. Ever since he was sent away by his father to Mari, there had been a need in him. Not to prove himself - he quickly learned there was not a test, physical or intellectual, that Asuka would not beat him in - but to make himself useful. To help where he could, to be what the people around him needed to be. So, when he was told he was going to leave again, and this time he would have a chance to become the hero who could save everyone, how he could not have leapt at chance?
Yet it ended up being Asuka to do that, and she didn't need space magic powers or nanomachines or giant robots to do it - she just... talked to him. She saved the world Shinji glanced over at Kaworu, seeing the boy's eyes closed as he leaned his head against the rope webbing of the craft.
His father's words rang in his ears, and he considered the meaning behind them. His father was willing the doom the world to save his love; would Shinji do the same? Or, perhaps even more frightening a notion, could he bring himself to give up his love to save the world? He closed his eyes, trying to recall the flashes of other worlds he saw in that place. So many lay in ruins, either scoured of life or mutated into something too different to comprehend. How many of those were his fault and how many were his father's?
The VTOL landed on a small helipad below a retractable roof, which began to close above them as the craft powered down. Swiftly cut off from the fresh air of the outside world, Shinji, Kaworu and Doctor Akagi walked across a metal gangway and into the depths of the underground fortress.
True to their word, the did not get in the way – not that there was anything they could do anyway -letting themselves be shunted off into a seldom-used waiting room while Ritsuko went to work. Now that they were finally back in some kind of privacy, the prior awkwardness quickly began to once again take hold.
The breakroom was an unremarkable place, the very picture of mundanity, nothing but a few tables and chairs with a sad little coffee machine in the corner. Kaworu sprawled into one of the seats propping his elbow up on a table and looking across the room at Shinji. "So, what now?" He asked calmly, some of his usual composure having returned in the interim.
"I guess we wait and see." Shinji said with a shrug. His eyes flicked this way and that, not sure what to say. "Can you check that thing?" He pointed at the coffeemaker. "It's probably terrible but I haven't had a cup in ages."
Kaworu grunted in the affirmative, taking a styrofoam cup from the side of the machine and clicking a few buttons. After a moment, the machine deposited approximately one cup's worth of brown liquid into the vessel. Kaworu gave the cup a sniff before bringing the thing to his lips and taking a sip.
"How is it?" Shinji asked.
"Awful." Kaworu confirmed. "Do you still want it?"
"Sure." He replied, taking the cup from Kaworu, their fingers briefly touching in the exchange. "I guess now as good a time as any to talk." He declared, taking a sip of the coffee and nearly spitting it out. "Ugh, you were right, that is awful."
"So..." Kaworu traced a finger along the pressed wood of the table. "Where do you want to start?"
Shinji sighed, his head sinking down into his hands for a moment. "I don't know. Everything since I went to see my grandmother is such a blur to me. I feel the ground is rushing beneath my feet, and if I somehow manage to stand still I'll just fall apart."
"I guess that's a good a place as any then. I heard a bit about what happened there from Asuka."Kaworu replied, unable to hide the curiosity in his tone. "If you don't mind, I am interested in hearing it from you."
"What do you want to know?" Shinji asked, leaning back in his chair.
"She said you saw other worlds, that you saw… what was it? The Dead Sea something?" Kaworu tilted his head, feigning ignorance even as his eyes blazed with fascination. No doubt the was wary of bugs.
"If you want to talk, just talk .I don't have any more patience for slight of hand." Shinji scoffed. He held the cup of coffee up for a moment and concentrated, letting go with his hand but keeping it fixed in the air with his AT Field. He held it steady for a moment, waiting for some kind of alarm to go off, and when none did, he gently placed the cup back down on the table. "I think we are good."
In response, Kaworu stopped trying to hold back his questions, springing to his feet in excitement. "What did you see? The scrolls… they're everything. They are older thanthis planet!" He exclaimed, gesticulating with his hands. "Everything here, the Geofront, the Evangelions, you, me. It's all because of what Kiel saw in those scrolls."
"I wasn't looking for the secrets of the universe, I just wanted to find a way to save Asuka." Shinji answered. "In the end I realized all I had to do was ask."
The answer didn't seem to satisfy the Angel. "Still, Asuka said you saw things, not just about our world but others. Even other versions of us."
"I did." Shinji nodded. "But Ican't remember. No, remember is the wrong word. In order to get to the scrolls I had to be something else... something more than human. "He looked off in the distance, trying in vain to take hold of the slippery flashes of overlapping information he had managed to hold onto. "The things I did or saw… it's hard to explain it with simple words. It's much harder to keep it straight in your head...if you want to keep your head human shaped."
Kaworu laughed bitterly at that. "You know, you almost sound like Kiel when you talk like that."
Shinji shot the Angel a dirty look. "I would prefer you not compare me to a murderous cult leader please."He had to admit though, on some level it did feel good to finally be the one extolling mystical jargon and not just absorbing it.
"Fair enough." Kaworu shrugged. "But still, is that it? From Asuka's description, it sounded like there are other versions of us out there in the cosmos. I was just wondering, in any of those… do things work out?"
Shinji shook his head, taking on a conciliatory tone. "Infinite means infinite, and it was all unfiltered - there wasn't enough space in my head to hold much useful information. As far I can tell from the limited perspective I had, there are as many worlds that end badly for us as there are those that don't."
Cold silence fell upon them for a moment, before it was suddenly broken by a burst of full-throated laughter from Kaworu. "Well, that's better odds then I thought we had!" He declared, grinning. "For a minute there I thought we were totally doomed."
Shinji raised one eyebrow. "And hereI thought you had turned a new leaf. That's a pessimistic attitude for the savior of humanity to have."
Kaworu shook his head at that. "The thing I have faith in now is her... and you." He said bittersweetly.
Those words caused a painful twinge in Shinji's chest. He wasn't sure what to say to that, or even what he ought to be feeling at the moment, so he tried to ignore it, shifting the topic. "Speaking of which, you pushed me into going after something to help Asuka... did you plan on her and I merging in Valkyrie's core?" He asked, his tone becoming harder.
Kaworu looked away, guilt writ across his featured. "I wanted a way out of our deal that didn't involve me killing you." He muttered, sitting back down. "When Asuka was changed, I thought that maybe that was a strange blessing. I thought you and her could stay in there while Rei, and Misato and I dealt with the last of my siblings."
Shinji's face fell as he took in Kaworu's words, knowing what was coming but dreading it all the same. He still had no idea how to reckon with the acts the boy across from him had, until very recently, been planning to commit.
Kaworu continued his words taking on a wistful tone. "Then after that, I could send you and Asuka off. With an intact Core, you could drift through space indefinitely together. I figured maybe you two could find another world to make your own, leaving me to do my duty here."
Now it was Shinji's turn to chuckle. "I have been on plenty of road trips with Asuka. Trust me, after a few hours stuck in the back of a hot car you really feel it. Can't imagine what an eternity would be like..." He shook his head, looking Kaworu in the eye once more. "I don't know what to say. You manipulated me, you tried to trap me in Valkyrie's core for millions of years!" He pointed accusatorily at Kaworu, who took it all with the same sad smile. Even now, the Angel was hard to read.
Shinji groaned, unable to hold onto the same anger he once held toward the boy before him, and lowered his hand. "And you did it all because you wanted to save me. I don't know whether to thank you or punch you."
His words seemed to put a somber, amused look on the Angel's face. "Would you believe Asuka said something very similar to me on the hill while we were waiting for you?" He asked sadly.
"I'd take that bet." Shinji chuckled. "I guess after everything that has happened I understand the sentiment." He recalled his father's words, pleading with Shinji to help reunite him with Yui in the core of Unit 01. "Still, don't ever do that again."
Kaworu sighed. "I'm sorry I did that, and... well, I guess if I we are doing this, I am sorry I threw you through a parking garage."
"I'm pretty sure I was the one who threw the first punch there." Shinji replied, not bothering to try and sort out the violent blur that was his memory of that night. "But I am sorry I did that. I'm sorry I treated you like another faceless enemy to destroy to save the day." Shinji sighed for what must have been the hundredth time that day. "Maybe if I just listened to you or talked to you, things could have been different."
"We are never going to know."Kaworu cut the boy off, a somber look in his eyes. "Maybe it would have worked, or maybe it would have ended the same, or maybe it would have been worse. Maybe I needed to understand what I was going to lose before could make my choice. Unless we get another look into the archives, all we can do is guess."
Shinji knew in his heart that Kaworu was right, and for once he wasn't being smug about it, which somehow made it feel worse. No matter what awesome power either of them wielded, neither could change what had happened between them. All they could do now was choose how they would move forward. He thought of his father, of the decaying bar that he had dragged him to. Beyond the cruelty, beyond the practiced façade of cold power, the man was trapped, dragged down by his past until he could not even see anything worthwhile in the future.
Shinji didn't want to be like him.
He took a deep breath, steeling his will for the words he knew he had to speak. When he finally did, it was like moving a mountain. "Kaworu... Asuka was right before. I love her but I can't control her. Whatever scars we have, whatever fears I have, no matter how much I want to protect her. If you and want to be together then I won't stand in your way."
There was a painful satisfaction in expressing this truth – and it was a truth, that much was clear. As difficult as it was, it was the only path forward that could lead anywhere good. Kaworu seemed to understand as much, looking at Shinji with a complicated knot of emotions that the boy couldn't even begin to unravel. "Shinji…" He sighed, his voice dripping with a deep, sincere fondness. "I didn't expect you to be so you."
Shinji raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
Kaworu laughed. "Maybe it's because the chairman set my expectations for humanity at such a minimum, but you never fail to impress me, Shinji. Your compassion, your dedication, your forgiveness." Said Kaworu, his eyes beginning to water. "You really are everything humanity should be."
An intense heat crept up Shinji's face. In the face of such utter sincerity, he was unprepared and defenseless, his composure quickly falling to pieces around him. "Ah, come on, I-I don't know about that. I've done a lot of stupid things!I..." He trailed off, unable to look Kaworu in the face anymore out of embarrassment.
Before the conversation could progress any further, the two of them were interrupted by a quick knock at the door. A moment later, they found themselves joined by Ritsuko, alongside a tired but much healthier-looking Asuka. Shinji gave the girl a once over as he got out of his chair. She had been changed into a baby blue hospital gown and was leaning on a case. Around her wrist was a familiar black bracelet, the sight of which made Shinji go pale.
He remembered, suddenly, the conversation with his father at the bar.
'I think you know how important and central that girl is between us...'
"Hey guys. Sorry I ruined the party out there..." Asuka greeted, smiling weakly and looking from one boy to the other. "I see you have managed not to kill each other yet."
Shinji realized he hadn't been breathing for several seconds now. He stood up, doing his best to look at least somewhat relaxed as the conversation continued.
'If Asuka and I were to stay quiet for now at least…'
"You should have seen how concerned these two were for you out there." Ritsuko told Asuka, wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders and giving her a gentle squeeze. "You were right by the way - about Valkyrie. Her condition improved dramatically as soon as she was inside the entry plug. I can't promise much but I think we are good for now."
Shinji tried to say something but could not get out the words. It felt as if panic was clawing up his throat, leaving no room for speech or even breath. He awkwardly smiled, trying not to unravel further.
Did he do this? Was this his fault?Had he somehow provoked his father in the short time since he was dropped off? Had his father done something to Asuka already, before even speaking to him? It was too perfectly timed, too convenient to be a coincidence.
"Well, that's good." Kaworu swept round the table, taking Asuka by the hand and leading her to the couch by the door "So do you think she should stay here for a while or"
Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. "Your apartment is a straight line to the launch bay and the medical wing; I think getting her some rest is probably the best thing we can do in the short term. After that, I foresee an incredibly boring period of trial and error as we see how long Asuka needs to be in contact with Valkyrie, what the range is, what we can do to extend it..."
As Ritsuko launched into a rather dry forecast of how Asuka's health would be monitored and managed in the coming weeks, Shinji found himself increasingly unable to retainany of it. The world seemed to recede into a single point, trapping him with his own thoughts. Was there nothing at all he could do? No escape from the constant danger? It wasn't fair!
As the room's other three occupants continued to talk. Shinji gripped the back of his chair tighter and tighter, until the metal frame began to warp in his hands. Suddenly, he realized no one was speaking anymore - they were all looking at him, no doubt waiting for a response. "I uh...I'm glad you're feeling better, Asuka." He stammered, then turned to face Kaworu in a single, jerky motion. "Can you take her back to the apartment? I want to talk to Doctor Akagi alone for a minute."
Kaworu gave him an odd look but seemed to understand the intent "I'll get her back safe and sound."
"Oh come on, I'm not made of glass." Asuka huffed as Kaworu took her hand, ready to lead her out of the room. "Not that I can say I hate the attention." She smirked, before looking over at Shinji. "You okay? What did you two talk about while I was out?"
"I promise we can catch up as soon as you get some rest." Shinji assured the girl, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "Alright?"
The worry on Asuka's face did not dissipate, but she nodded anyway. "Okay, fine. Ill see you in a bit then…" She grumbled.
Kaworu and Asuka left without another word, the warm joy of Asuka's return leaving with them, replaced by a cold tension in the air between Shinji and the doctor. "Look Shinji, I understand you are worried about the bracelet after everything that happened last time." Ritsuko said wearily. "But we need to monitor her vital signs in case she needs immediate treatment."
"I didn't say anything to anyone and neither did Asuka." Shinji's announced, his voice ice cold.
Ritstuko tilted he head a bit. "Excuse me?"
All of his pent-up worry, his anger, his frustration with the people around him, it came spilling out all at once, a shrill shout tearing its way out of his throat. "My father, his secrets, his threats! I saw Asuka right after I saw him! I didn't even have a chance to..." Shinji let out a wordless sound of frustration, unable to hold back his steadily building anger. "Was this just some way of showing off what he could do!?"
The doctor's face went pale. She tooka step back, swallowing. "Shinji, I have no idea what you are talking about. What exactly did the commander—"
Shinji's body moved before his mind knew what it was doing. In a single motion, he surged forward, grabbing the woman by the collar of her lab coat and slamming her against the wall behind her. A framed poster was knocked off the wall from the impact, and the water cooler toppled onto its side, its contents sloshing into the old carpet. "Don't lie to me!" Shinji yelled, feeling the woman go limp in his grip as he pressed her against the drywall, fear flashing in her eyes "He said he was going to hurt her if I didn't play along with his bullshit!"
He pressed her harder, felt the wall beginning to faintly crack and groan behind her. Her fingernails dug into his wrist, as if that would do anything; there was nothing she could do to stop him if he wanted to hurt her. "I said yes, I did everything you wanted and you hurt her anyway! Why!?"
"We would never..." Ritsuko forced out through breathless lungs. The words were quiet and strangely calm, as if she was speaking to herself. "Shinji, I don't know what you and the – Gah! – what you and your father spoke about, but I swear I didn't hurt Asuka!"
Ritsuko's pleas sounded truthful, but that did little to calm the fire raging inside Shinji's chest. Did it even really matter what was real anymore? Even if she didn't do this, the doctor must surely have done something else, be it to him, or Mari, or Rei, or someone else. She couldn't be trusted; no one at NERV could. And even more than that, he wanted to hurt his father in some way – wanted to show him that he still had some spine in him yet.
"Don't be like him..."
For a moment Shinji wasn't sure if the words came from the doctor or himself. Everything seemed to come to a halt. Ritsuko's feet dangled in the air, her body held aloft easily by his unearthly strength. She was light; she barely weighed more than Asuka.
He let her go.
*
Half a dozen identical black tractor trailers rolled down a lonely strip of highway, cutting a scar across the flat and scorching Arizona desert. It was a strange place, beautiful in own inhospitable way. If Second Impact and the disasters that followed had affected this place at all, one could hardly notice at all, save for the towering complex of glass and steel which housed NERVs fourth branch.
Each truck took up nearly the entire road, not that they were fighting for space - the Arizona branch was lonely at the best of times, its size and workforce a fraction of the size of the larger branches in Massachusetts and Hamburg, let alone the Geofront and all of its wonders.
Stern held onto a section of the webbing that coated the walls of the truck's interior, steadying himself as it hit a bump in the road. as they went over a bump. He was grateful these vehicles were air conditioned for their role in transporting expensive and delicate machinery; he had become used to the perfectly calibrated and controlled flow of air in his lab back at Boston, and did not wish to spend more time in the Arizona sun than he had to. Unfortunately, some things needed his supervision, even if he now had people he could trust implicitly.
Mana's eyes flickered in the dim light. If one observed from the right angle and knew where to look, they could see the glowing ends of a hundred razor-thin optical sensors, each buzzing and shifting as they adjusted to the flickering light above them. "Have you been here before?" She asked, tilting her head slightly.
Stern scratched his chin, trying to identify the emotion behind the girl's words. She was not a person who spoke idly, after all. "No, Arizona was Makinami's branch. Hera nd I could barely get along at the best of times while we were working in Germany; once she was sent out here I saw no reason to contact her unless absolutely necessary."
Mana gave a shallow nod. "I only ask because you chose to come yourself." She remarked, not quite a question.
"Don't take this as me doubting your abilities." Stern assured the girl. "There are simply some things you need to do yourself."
Mana said nothing, but her artificial eyes carried many unspoken questions. He saw no reason not to reward her curiosity.
"Makinami was many irritating things but in her own specific field she was the best in the world." Stern continued. "That's why they sent her out here to play with artificial S2 engines. That is also why we are here." He rapped his knuckles against the metal of the truck's inner wall. "Somewhere in there is a piece of technology Mari hadn't thought about in years – I badly need it."
"That's why you're here. I am here to kill NERV." Mana corrected him, her voice cold and steady. "Don't forget that."
"Don't worry there will be lots of that." Stern smirked, looking around at the dozen or so men around him, all holding rifles and coated in sturdy tactical gear. "As the saying goes, I didn't come here to make friends."
The convoy rolled on, eventually stopping, then starting again, as they made their way through a series of checkpoints. Eventually, the trucks all passed through the main gate and into to a large courtyard that connected to the facility's various branches.
Go time. Stern got up from his seat, quickly walking to the back of the trailer and pressing a button on the wall. The door slid upward with a hiss as the cold air inside met the hot air outside, making a gust of wind blow out into the face of the man before him.
"Commander Stern?" Asked NERV technical officer holding a clipboard, looking up at him with a baffled expression. "I had no idea- I, erm, wasn't informed you would be picking up the parts in person, sir." He stammered, motioning to a set of a few dozen pallets of equipment, each one carefully tagged, labelled and vacuumed sealed in dust-resistant plastic. "We were a bit surprised at your sudden request for materials; I thought you guys had everything over-"
The man went silent as Stern drew apistol from inside his jacket. He smoothly pointed it at the technician's face and fired, shattering the man's glasses and leaving a bloody mess on the dusty ground beneath him. "Kill everything that moves." He commanded, looking over his shoulder to see Mana and the soldiers emerging from the truck in swift and efficient fashion. A moment later, similar-looking men burst from the other trucks and began grouping up into squads. "Take everything not nailed down."
*
He had done it again. First Kensuke, then Misato, now Ritsuko; he had let his anger take over, and for what? A frightened look? A moment of power? Hurting Kensuke didn't make Sakura any more secure, hurting Misato had not brought Mari back and hurting Ritsuko had not saved Asuka from his father.
'Three steps forward two steps back...'
Shinji blinked, pausing his walk towards his apartment as his guardian's voice rang in his head. Yeah, he was, wasn't he? He had fucked up, and probably would again, but he could change. He was changing. Asuka loved him - he couldn't even think the words without smiling - and Kaworu... Well, things were still complicated there, but at least the fate of the world wasn't on the line. He could apologize to Ritsuko and Misato...and Kensuke if he could find him. He didn't have to be like his father, trapped and alone unchanging.
Even after all the loss and death ands adness, there was still hope for something better. He didn't quite remember the lyrics, but as he made his way back to the apartment Shinji found himself humming his mentor's old song.
Arriving at the door to the apartment, Shinji took a slow, deep breath trying to center himself for what he knew was coming. 'Three steps forward...' Opening the door, Shinji froze in place, marveling at the idyllic scene before him. Asuka and Kaworu cuddled on the couch, her sprawled onto his chest like a sleepy cat and him twirling a strand of red hair around his finger, red eyes looking at something a million miles away. Shinji alerted them to his presence with a polite cough. "Uh...hey." He greeted, waving awkwardly.
"Shinji!" Asuka jumped from her seat like a firecracker before running at him and throwing her arms around him. "Come here, you!" She shouted, before pulling him into a deep kiss.
It was warm and bold and fierce, despite the girl's present fragility. All at once, a great deal of doubt was knocked out of Shinji's head, and he kissed her back, not pulling away for what must have been at least ten seconds. "Sorry I didn't catch that can you say it again?" He asked, allowing himself a wry smile.
"Not to ruin the moment," Kaworu remarked, approaching at a more leisurely pace. He placed a hand onShinji's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "But what was that with Doctor Akagi?"
The third pilot sighed, avoiding Kaworu's gaze. "Maybe later; it's been a long day." He said, extricating himself from Asuka's grip and taking a step back. The concerned looks of his two companions, however, quickly shut down any thoughts of avoiding this conversation.
No, none of that. He couldn't keep running away. "It's a long, depressing story." Shinji began, pinching his brow as he tried to organize his thoughts, before pointing to the couch. "You should probably sit down; this is going to take a while."
Shinji pulled up a chair across from the two and sat down then started to work through what he knew. He told them what his father had told him about his plans, his need to use him as a catalyst with Rei to start an impact event to reunite with Yui in Unit 01's core. He told them about their talk at the old bar, and about the not-so-veiled threats he made to keep Shinji silent. Finally, and with some regret, he told them about his encounter with Doctor Akagi and her denial.
When he finished, a heavy silence hung upon them all for what was probably only a handful of seconds, but felt like minutes. "Damn." Asuka muttered, tightly gripping an armrest. "Damn, I knew your dad was a prick, but that's…"
Shinji nodded silently, not sure how to respond.
"So then, what are we to do now?"Kaworu cut in, concern writ across his face as he looked from Shinji to Asuka, then back again.
"I don't really know." Shinji admitted, sinking into his chair, his eyes drifting to the ceiling."Be careful, look after each other and wait?"
"Sit and wait?" Asuka scoffed. "Shinji, I know he's your father but if what he said back at that bar is true then we have to do something!"
"Then what?" Shinji asked, giving voice to the question that had been lingering in his mind since the meeting "Say we kill him right now. Him, and then the mountain of Section Two agents around him." He paused, seeing the conflicted looks on their faces. "Then we become enemies of NERV and Japan and everyone else. Then what? We fight the whole world? What if another Angel attacks after NERV is destroyed? What about the rest of SEELE? Are they going to—"
"I think I understand what Shinji is saying." Kaworu cut the boy off before he could ramble any further, holding up one hand. "Despite all our power, the range of responses available to us is quite limited. Especially as Asuka is now joined at the hip to Valkyrie."
"Hey!" Asuka pushed off from the Angel, a wounded look on her face. "I didn't ask for this! In fact, I would not be like this if you hadn't got me thrown into the core of Unit 02 in the first place."
"I didn't push you in, you did that all by yourself." Kaworu scowled "I just pointed Shinji in the right direction to join you."
"Stop." Shinji declared, prompting both Kaworu and Asuka to quiet down and turn towards him. "Look, weall fucked up to varying degrees, okay? We all lied, we all cheated, we were all stupid..." Shinji trailed off, feeling a flood of memories roll through his mind. "We can either replay those battles over and over or we can decide right here right now to change. Alright?" He asked. When neither of the other two said anything, he continued "If this..." he motioned between the three of them "Is going to work, we need to be totally honest with each other from this point forwards."
There was a long pause, in which a heavy feeling of tension washed over them all. It was lifted, at least a bit, when Asuka spoke up first. "I guess... I'm scared. "She muttered, pulling her legs up onto the couch. "All my life I told myself that I was special, that I was different from everyone else because I could pilot the Eva..." She paused, her hand drifting to the dark patch over her left eye. "And now I really am, and might be forever. I might never be able to live a normal life. "She looked at the two of them "And yeah, I am sorry I fucked up with this. I always hated my dad for what he did, but now look at me, doing the same thing!" She laughed bitterly. "But I love you, okay? We can make it work, I know we can."
"We can." Kaworu replied, his voice filled with quiet determination as he took the girl's hand. He then took a moment to formulate his own awkward little confessional. "A week ago, I never thought I would see either of you again. Yesterday, I thought I was some chosen messiah fated toun make this broken world..." He trailed off, the words sounding stale even as he said them. "Now, I don't really know. I have no sense of certainty; my ship has sailed over the edge of the world and now mingles with all the darkest krakens and dragons." He sighed. Asuka rolled her one eye at his needless verbosity. "The point is, I think it's going to take me a while to figure out who I am and what I want my life to be, now that that is something I can choose. "A warm smile crept over his face. "But one thing is certain: I know whatever comes, I want to be with you two."
It really was strange, seeing Kaworu vulnerable like this, but Shinji was rapidly coming to realize that all of this had been there the whole time, just beneath the surface. For all that Kaworu vexed him – sometimes even intentionally – Shinji wondered how much the Angel even knew himself.
"What about you?" Asuka asked.
Shinji blinked, snapping back to the present as he realized the girl had posed the question to him. "Sorry, what?"
"Come on!" Asuka snorted "Don't hand us a soapbox and then run off! Revealing secrets time, chop chop!" She declared, clapping her hands for emphasis.
"I think I told you everything we were mind linked remember?" Shinji scratched his chin. "I, uh, had a crush on Kaji growing up?"
"Pfft I knew that you dork, try again." Asuka commanded, utterly unmoved.
"I, uh…" Shinji murmured, wracking his brain, then winced pre-emptively as he discovered along-buried memory. "Oh, you know when we were seven? And I beat you at checkers?"
Asuka's remaining eye narrowed. "Go on."
"You were right." Shinji admitted. "I cheated. You kept going off to bug Rebecca so I moved the pieces around while you weren't looking."
"You little weasel!" Asuka shouted. "I knew it was you!" The girl pounced on him from the couch, tacking Shinji to the floor. As the two began to tussle allover the apartment, Kaworu began to giggle, then howl with laughter.
"Gah, Asuka, stop! You're supposed to be taking it easy, remember!?" Shinji whined, looking to Kaworu with pleading eyes. "A little help?"
The Angel rolled his eyes. "I think you're doing fine, hero."
The boy laughed as Asuka's ineffectual attacks to his chest turned into the girl pinning him against the carpet. "I love you, you know that?"
"I know." She replied.
*
"This is the one?" Stern asked, motioning toward a grey shipping container, one of hundreds in the sprawling underground warehouse around them. Above them could be heard the occasional muffled sound of gunfire, the NERV staff still being mopped up as Stern's men liquidated the last pockets of resistance.
"I'm certain." Mana answered, placing her palm on the container. "According to the data in the system, this is the only container sealed and catalogued by Makinami's command code that was not shipped to Japan with her and Unit 04."
"So either this contains two tonnes of baby photos or it's is exactly what we are looking for." Stern chuckled, calmly stepping over the body of a dead NERV officer to get to the control panel. His boot made a squelching sound as it landed in a puddle of the man's blood.
Mana watched as Stern pulled a small grey box from his pocket and attached a trailing wire to the control panel. The screen on the electronic lock began to twitch and stutter in a kaleidoscopic lightshow. "How long is it going to take?"
Stern simply raised an eyebrow. "You insult me." He smirked, waving a hand. With a hiss of hydraulics and the clinking of magnetic locks the container opened, revealing a large black chair made entirely out of what looked like shiny blackstone. "God is in his heaven because he is afraid of what he made"
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And now our beloved trio are together.
Shinji: This is my life now.
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DocMatoi
Theoretical Lover of Girls
- Location
- within 2 hours of the White House
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Good to see the kiddos working through their problems maturely... At least sort of.
Stern, played by Steve buscemi...
- Location
- Canada
I had forgotten how evil Stern is. As for Asuka, Shinji and Kaworu (who I will refer to as the trinity), they are in a rather difficult position. Any choice they make can have devastating consequences. One thing I think they should do make sure anyone they still care for can't be used as a hostage.
- Location
- North Carolina, USA
The phoenix's plume blazes as the ashes are blown aside! We are so back!
I'm glad you came back to this and I'm also glad to see it's so potent emotionally. The action - physical, mental and interpersonal - all have a definite kinetic quality. We're flying towards the endgame here with a velocity that rattles deep. Here's some specific passages that really stuck out to me:
I love how Shinji is so turbulent between Asuka and Kaworu's pillars of calm. On some level, I find it subversive that it's Shinji being the shouting emotional one while Asuka is the one who is calm and resigned. Did you notice that while writing? Oh, and I love the detail of him shouting himself hoarse despite his biology. His humanity, his human emotions, cannot be changed by any machine, even an extraterrestrial one.
Kaworu being able to deliver poetic existential observations and then being a total dumbass who sees too late that he misspoke is a delight.
It's like both sides of being something apart from humanity exist in one person.
Clever save. But will it be enough?
I suppose it's good that Shinji can still be snarky even in a tense time like this.
And now, the really shocking part...
Oh man. This one. You did great with how you structured it. The action itself was so quick. The realization of what Shinji did, what it meant, that took longer. And then the guilt lingers like a poisonous aftertaste.
I like that Stern has legitimate good qualities in spite of the dubious to outright evil things he's done. Too many villains don't respect their minions and it's refreshing to see that he does.
This is such a well-earned bit of intimacy and it's good that you can end their part of the chapter on a light note that still rings true.
Absolutely perfect cliffhanger. Feel good about that play on NERV's slogan, you earned it.
I'm glad you came back to this and I'm also glad to see it's so potent emotionally. The action - physical, mental and interpersonal - all have a definite kinetic quality. We're flying towards the endgame here with a velocity that rattles deep. Here's some specific passages that really stuck out to me:
I love how Shinji is so turbulent between Asuka and Kaworu's pillars of calm. On some level, I find it subversive that it's Shinji being the shouting emotional one while Asuka is the one who is calm and resigned. Did you notice that while writing? Oh, and I love the detail of him shouting himself hoarse despite his biology. His humanity, his human emotions, cannot be changed by any machine, even an extraterrestrial one.
Kaworu being able to deliver poetic existential observations and then being a total dumbass who sees too late that he misspoke is a delight.
It's like both sides of being something apart from humanity exist in one person.
Clever save. But will it be enough?
I suppose it's good that Shinji can still be snarky even in a tense time like this.
And now, the really shocking part...
Oh man. This one. You did great with how you structured it. The action itself was so quick. The realization of what Shinji did, what it meant, that took longer. And then the guilt lingers like a poisonous aftertaste.
I like that Stern has legitimate good qualities in spite of the dubious to outright evil things he's done. Too many villains don't respect their minions and it's refreshing to see that he does.
This is such a well-earned bit of intimacy and it's good that you can end their part of the chapter on a light note that still rings true.
Absolutely perfect cliffhanger. Feel good about that play on NERV's slogan, you earned it.
A lot of spaces between words seem to have been lost.
I think you lost the picture.And now our beloved trio are together.
Shinji: This is my life now.
And now our beloved trio are together.
grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
Don't rely on Discord for image hosting. The URLs aren't stable over time.
Shinji: This is my life now.
- Location
- Canada
Yeah for some reason SV continues to not like it when you copy paste large amounts of text from Microsoft Word. I thought I got it all but clearly I missed some stuff. I will edit when I get home, spent the last week flying across the country for my siblings wedding, was a lovely experience but it did leave me with very little computer time to write or edit.
- Location
- Canada
Amazing.
And now our beloved trio are together.
Shinji: This is my life now.
no.
Pink Flamingo Cabal Grand Vizier
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I'm really happy about how this one turned out. It's not easy to make such a dialogue-heavy chapter feel gripping and emotionally intense, but you pulled it off. Stern remains an intimidating and effective presence, a tide slowly rising in the background. There is a sort of dramatic irony to that; the three leads here working out their feelings and preparing to deal with the devil they know, meanwhile a completely different devil makes his move.
I do like that Kaworu doesn't get off scot-free for his prior actions. Just because he struggles to understand people doesn't make it okay to lie to and manipulate them, and him being made to finally take responsibility for that was satisfying. Really good character stuff across the board.
I do like that Kaworu doesn't get off scot-free for his prior actions. Just because he struggles to understand people doesn't make it okay to lie to and manipulate them, and him being made to finally take responsibility for that was satisfying. Really good character stuff across the board.
- Location
- Canada
Glad you like. Also I should make sure I say this publicly, thank you so much for your help finishing this chapter as well as editing it. Could not have done it without you especially with how busy the last month has been.
Previously on BnB:Asuka: "I'M A GIRL YOU ASS!"
- Location
- Canada
Shinji and Kaworu stand on the walkway looking at Valkyrie.
Asuka: "I'M A GIRL YOU ASS!"
Kaworu "did Asuka put on a few pounds recently?"
Shinji "nah the animators are just really inconsistent about size."