Chapter 32
The Angel smiled and placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "What do you say?"
+++
Shinji felt a trickle of tears run down his cheek as he stared at his friend, the endlessly warm and loving earnestness making his stomach turn. '
He really wants to do it... he really wants to kill them all.' For a brief moment he was almost tempted. This world had done nothing but raise his hopes only to dash them, to rub his face in misery and death before taking away the things he loved piece by piece. Still, as he let out a single tired breath, only one word passed his lips.
"No."
It was barely more then a whisper, but its impact hit Kaworu immediately, his face growing shocked and confused. "No? What? Shinji, please I am offering you something no human could ever hope to ask for... are you sure you know what you're..."
"I said no!" Shinji's body moved on impulse, a burning energy surging in him as his fist swung round hard and collided with the Angel. The impact sent his limp body head over heels like a rag doll across the floor of the parking garage, eventually skidding to a halt in a heap.
For a moment Shinji was worried he had killed the boy, as the the light emanating from his form began to flicker and wane. But it did not disappear, only shifted slowly into a harsh and burning light as Kaworu climbed to his feet, his eyes filled with rage and betrayal. "Fine... If that is how its going to be..." Kaworu snarled and wiped the blood that had spilled from the corner of his nose and mouth. "If you refuse salvation then you shall be damned to perdition like the rest of them."
"Rest like who? Like all of humanity? Like
Asuka?" Shinji felt the rage build in him again as he walked towards Kaworu, the pavement cracking underfoot with each step "I thought you... I thought you liked her. Was that all a lie too!?"
Kaworu grit his teeth. "I was willing to... make considerations for her... if you had been reasonable. But my mercy is not unlimited." His eyes went cold. "I will do my duty Shinji... This is my world and I will save it."
"By killing all the people on it!?" Shinji yelled, his voice cracking.
"They are killing themselves!" Kaworu yelled back. "And they are taking the planet down with them. If they don't wipe themselves out through brutal war they are going to choke themselves to death through their poison and greed! It cannot be redeemed, only replaced!" He balled his own fist as Shinji got closer. "And only I have the the ability to do it."
Shinji didn't have anything more to say. Not that he was sure he could if he wanted to. His anger blazed in him hotter than the inferno that swept across the conference building. Baring his teeth, Shinji simply yelled as he leapt at Kaworu, his fist raised to strike... until, feeling a strange power flow over him, Shinji stopped in mid-air, every inch of his body frozen stiff.
"Do not forget where your power comes from, Shinji..." Kaworu lifted a hand and let Shinji hang in the air. "Your flesh has been interwoven with Adamite flesh and that flesh obeys me. Now, please, come to your senses..." his eyes pleaded with Shinji a desperate longing. "Please don't leave me... don't make me..."
The Pilot was not listening, instead struggling inside his own body like a animal in a trap, desperate to be free. After a moment though he stopped, and the words Kaworu had told him mingled with his memories of his grandmother in his mind. He could not breathe, but he could try to detach himself like she had said, to be more then his body and through that gain control.
I am my soul and my soul is me.
There was a thunderous crash of shattered glass as Shinji fell from the air to land directly in front of a shocked Kaworu, his fist glowing white hot with anger.
"How?" Kaworu managed to squeak out, the grandeur of his arrogance gone for moment as Shinji closed the distance.
"You said it yourself, I am a miracle!" Shinji punched as hard as he could, his fist connecting with the thrumming shield of the boy's AT field before it too cracked and shattered. The hit sent Kaworu slamming downwards through the concrete and rebar of the floor, and then through the floor below that. Shinji followed him down until they finally crashed in a pile at the bottom.
Panting, Shinji climbed of the dusty ground, the air full of bits of old concrete. His momentary feeling of victory stopped as he looked down at his right arm, now burned and broken from his attack on Kaworu's AT field.
"You are remarkable Shinji. No doubt about that." Shinij looked up to See Kaworu rise from his spot, now hovering a foot above the ground and glowing even more menacingly then before. "It's too bad you're too much of an idiot to see what is right in front of you." He held out a hand and its palm bloomed a ball of white fire. "If you insist on fighting for a world that hates you, then I will give you what you want."
Shinji dove to the side as Kaworu went on the attack, slicing at the air with the wisp where Shinji stood, leaving a hissing scar into the concrete floor. Feeling his arm start to heal, Shinji ducked and weaved, jumping back as Kaworu carved and sliced at the air.
Desperate, Shinji threw up his own AT field to block a blow that would have severed his leg at the knee, before trying something of his own, emitting a blast from his palm that rippled off Kaworu's field and made him stagger.
"Amazing..." Kaworu chuckled and shook his head. "You are taking to this like a fish to water, even if you don't understand how. Something inside of you was made for this." His laughter turned sad. "Do you really think Misato or Akagi... even Mari or your father, do you really think that when all this is over they are just going to accept you and let you live in peace? What about their superiors above them? Even you win you're going to lose. Humans hate what they fear and they are all afraid of you."
"It doesn't matter," Shinji spat. "This world is still worth saving. I'd rather die then let you destroy it."
"You really would, wouldn't you?" Kaworu stared for a moment before swooping at Shinji with a look of grim determination on his face as he struck.
Shinji didn't have time to do anything but throw his arms up, the light from Kaworu growing blinding before he slashed across Shinji's chest in a wide arc. It cut deep enough to directly scar his core.
Knocked off his feet, Shinji felt like he was going to fall forever, his senses going dark as they were replaced by images from his past.
Mother... father... screams... alone... Mari... Asuka... Rebecca... Kaworu... pilot... scars... Rei... pain... pain... pain... love...
Shinji choked out some blood onto his chin, looking up at Kaworu and realizing he was now crumpled on the floor, his body ripped open. "I'm sorry..."
Shinji closed his eyes.
*
Mana opened her eyes, her vision slowly fading in as she felt her various systems boot up one by one. "I'm.... alive?" the girl blinked, wincing in pain as memories from fighting Asuka flooded her mind. The smoke the heat the hate... the failure... Instinctively Mana looked down to where the Pilot had stabbed her to find everything below her mid section was gone, various machinery and bio organs strewn out on a operating table.
"Oh, you're awake? That's good."
Mana looked over to see not Yamato standing over her but Stern, now clad in a medical apron and thick gloves.
Mana leaned up to get a better look at the man but quickly bumped against her restraints.
"Oh, please don't do that, there are some bits in your chest cavity I need to properly install and I don't want to have to realign everything before I do. Just.... relax." He held up a hand tentatively. "You are safe. My men found you in the wreckage. I ummm..." he pointed to her bare chest "I can get a sheet or something? If you are uncomfortable talking while..."
Mana almost laughed, shaking her head and slumping back on the slab. "Whatever embarrassment I had I lost years ago." She looked at Stern strangely, even now the man had shown her more care then Yamato had in nearly a decade. Still, there was only one question that lingered in her mind. "Asuka Soryu. Did I...? Is she..."
"Not quite." Stern explained, pulling up a wheeled stool and sitting by her. "And I hope you don't mind me saying but I am very much glad you didn't. It would have made things a lot more complicated."
Mana grit her teeth, not caring about what plans the man did or didn't have, instead moving on to the obvious question. "Why did you not return me to Yamato when you found me?"
"At first I was going to. Back when my team first sent back message they had your remains, I thought it would be a nice present for the old man. Maybe help smooth things over. But then..." Stern stopped and turned away from the girl. "When I saw you still held some spark of life inside you... I changed my mind." He turned back and gave a half smile. "I admire your will, your unending refusal to give in and die, no matter the pain."
Mana was not sure what to say. "I do what I must."
Stern nodded. "As do we all. But I think I can aim a little higher, I think we can help each other, I think we can help each other get what we
really want."
"And what do you think I want?" Mana asked, feeling drawn in by the man's voice.
"Its not that complicated, you want an old man dead I want an old man dead, but to get to mine I... we will deal with your first."
Mana blinked. "No I... I tried before he... he built in some fail safe or code or..." She tried not to cry at the rush of memories from past failures.
"I am sure he did, but I am also sure its nothing I cannot remove," Stern said with all the self assurance in he world.
Mana was confused. "I thought you were going to give me to him to appease him. Now you're going to kill him?"
Stern shrugged. "With due respect given to what he did to you, its not about him, its about what he has. Killing him is simply a quicker way of getting it then winning him over. There is a bigger picture to think about."
Mana did not care about the big picture, she could not afford to, for the last several years the only way to survive was to focus on the minute by minute, moment by moment consequences. "If can let me kill him, I will help you do anything you want."
Stern smiled wide and grasped her hand in his, squeezing tightly. "That sounds like a deal to me."
*
Shinji slowly opened his eyes, the blinding light from before gone, reduced to a mere thrumming glow coming from Kaworu above him. The Angel was straddling his body, one hand around Shinji's neck while the other...
Looking down, Shinji saw the scar of Kaworu's attack had split his chest open, his blood red core pulsing in the open air, just inches away from Kaworu's waiting hand.
"You are finally awake... good." Kaworu's voice was cold, dry and reserved, the anger and passion from before now quenched.
"Why didn't you kill me?" Shinji asked, his voice rasping in his throat.
"I don't know. It... didn't feel right. Not yet." Kaworu looked down at Shinji, his eyes hard and withdrawn "Maybe I wanted to give you one more chance. Consider it payment for saving my life before."
"I am never going to..." Shinji grit his teeth and winced, feeling the hand around his throat tighten and the hand over his core get dangerously closer.
"No, I know," Kaworu explained. "That time is over, what I am proposing now is something else. You see... killing you now would be rather awkward. Would raise far too much attention. And that is not even mentioning the rest of my bastard children that are on the way." The Angel shook his head. "So I have an idea for us both. In exchange for your silence about my identity I shall continue to destroy my brothers for you and NERV, and then, when the last of them is slain, you and I can have one final battle for this wretched world of yours."
Shinji did not like the idea of lying, and he liked the idea of letting an Angel walk around Tokyo 3 and the Geofront freely even less but he was not sure he saw any other option. Even ignoring the issue of his own life, saying no now would pit them against the worst enemy they had fought yet when they were at their least prepared. Plus... there was a part of him, a part he knew was pride that could not help but think of Kaworu's words about him earlier. If he could do that much on the fly, then maybe.. if he trained... maybe he could win.
"Okay... I'll do it." Shinji agreed, his voice forced even.
"Good," Kaworu smiled, letting go of Shinji's neck and stepping up. The scar across Shinji's chest quickly healed to hide his core. "That will be our finality. The linchpin on the fate of this world. It's almost... beautiful." Kaworu closed his eyes for a moment before turning back to face the boy. "But if you reveal this to anyone then the deal is severed. And do not think for a moment you can hide the truth from me."
Shinji rubbed his neck and got up, an ache in his chest. "Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time."
The two stared at each other silently for a moment, the burning anger from earlier now fizzled out into an awkward disgust as they dusted themselves off.
Eventually it fell to Shinji to break the silence, awkwardly kicking at a piece of fallen rubble. "Now what?"
Kaworu shrugged, the Angelic spender of before now gone, replaced by a bitter grimace. "I suppose we should back to the Geofront. Do not want to raise suspicions, do we?" He gave a cruel smile before sighing again. "You should go first, I will follow later."
Shinji looked at the boy, some part of him wanting to attack him again despite their agreement before he thought better of it. Sighing, he nodded and turned without another word, desperate to get away as quickly as possible.
Wandering the halls of the Geofront, Shinji eventually found his way back, flopping back on the bed he was just on a few hours before. He looked up, trying to ease his mind with the shapes in the ceiling, but he found no solace. There was no familiarity here, not anymore. His room, his apartment, and all the walls surrounding it looked the same, but the world in which they inhabited had changed forever.
