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A Sword Without a Hilt: A Song of Ice and Fire/D&D 3.5 Crossover

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Goldfish said:
Reminds me of how on more than one occasion since I've been working here, my company has opened a branch in a new location without some crucial steps being taken.

The property will be leased or purchased, the warehouse and yard made ready to receive material, computers shipped, etc. Typically, before a branch is even open, contracts for delivery of products will already have been made for nearby customers or job sites, along with orders to begin stocking the warehouse and yard.

And at least twice that I can recall, despite all of these arrangements being made (including hiring people to staff the branch or temporarily transferring people from other nearby branches while new people are trained), employees will show up for the first day of business and find that no one remembered to buy the other essentials, such as desks, chairs, filing cabinets, office supplies, etc. And there was one memorable instance where all of this stuff was accounted for, but a cargo truck rolled into the yard with the first load of what would be the new branch's inventory, but then discovered someone had neglected to purchase forklifts for that location. 🤯

We now have a Facilities Management division whose sole focus is on making sure branches have the shit they need from start to finish.
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Azel said:
Shit like this is why I wrote up the Ministry of Administration. This stuff is distressingly common.
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@Goldfish @Azel

I now want to write up an omake in the style of The Office where a group of people from a few different parts of the Imperium show up to make a little slice of countryside with nevertheless a nice town of a few thousand into something more organized, only to show up and realize that the building was titan-tooled into place, and all the quills and ink and paper they could ask for was delivered, but someone contracted different people for purchasing of different supplies, so they have to go an entire week without chairs, desks and for some reason the office monkey who was putting together the list when thinking of lighting just thought "have a Lar make it for you" but some odd quirk of the town made it so boring and not even Brownies have started showing up to work for people, and the most magical thing is a bunyip who lives in the nearby river who sometimes played pranks on the local fishermen but mostly left the town alone.

Most the of the gags would revolve around inconveniences like having to fight over usage of the one Tongues item since the people who were supposed to be there in both middle management and lower quarters who speak what the locals do haven't been hired yet, and having to use stuff like candles and locally fashioned furniture which is giving off splinters, someone bringing some mundane obstacle to the person in charge and them suggesting a high magic solution that would be perfectly possible in SD and being oblivious to the logistics of that, and their assistants being equally oblivious and trying to play telephone about this with the Brazier to mixed results, like the Bunyip situation being resolved with a Manticore buzzing the town because they thought Deep Ones were invading, when at most a small patrol of the Legion was requested to get the "river monster to swim upstream and leave the locals alone".
 
Crake said:
@Goldfish @Azel

I now want to write up an omake in the style of The Office where a group of people from a few different parts of the Imperium show up to make a little slice of countryside with nevertheless a nice town of a few thousand into something more organized, only to show up and realize that the building was titan-tooled into place, and all the quills and ink and paper they could ask for was delivered, but someone contracted different people for purchasing of different supplies, so they have to go an entire week without chairs, desks and for some reason the office monkey who was putting together the list when thinking of lighting just thought "have a Lar make it for you" but some odd quirk of the town made it so boring and not even Brownies have started showing up to work for people, and the most magical thing is a bunyip who lives in the nearby river who sometimes played pranks on the local fishermen but mostly left the town alone.

Most the of the gags would revolve around inconveniences like having to fight over usage of the one Tongues item since the people who were supposed to be there in both middle management and lower quarters who speak what the locals do haven't been hired yet, and having to use stuff like candles and locally fashioned furniture which is giving off splinters, someone bringing some mundane obstacle to the person in charge and them suggesting a high magic solution that would be perfectly possible in SD and being oblivious to the logistics of that, and their assistants being equally oblivious and trying to play telephone about this with the Brazier to mixed results, like the Bunyip situation being resolved with a Manticore buzzing the town because they thought Deep Ones were invading, when at most a small patrol of the Legion was requested to get the "river monster to swim upstream and leave the locals alone".
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Well, there would obviously be first a Braavosi up and coming clerk who gets into petty arguments / trades pranks with a stuffy, overly anal and precise professional from Volantis.

The boss is a native of Tyrosh, now harder to distinguish in origin because he's let all the blue dye fade from his hair, so most people assume he's a dragonseed but he has no native context for that so it leads to a set of small misunderstandings. He worked in the Deep up to this point and he's one of those buzz-word thinkers who is used to being able to utilize magic to fix most problems. He assumes his assignment to this place is completely temporary and he'll be sent to a more cosmopolitan city which will have more access to magic like King's Landing or Old Town or Greyport...
 
Crake said:
@Goldfish @Azel

I now want to write up an omake in the style of The Office where a group of people from a few different parts of the Imperium show up to make a little slice of countryside with nevertheless a nice town of a few thousand into something more organized, only to show up and realize that the building was titan-tooled into place, and all the quills and ink and paper they could ask for was delivered, but someone contracted different people for purchasing of different supplies, so they have to go an entire week without chairs, desks and for some reason the office monkey who was putting together the list when thinking of lighting just thought "have a Lar make it for you" but some odd quirk of the town made it so boring and not even Brownies have started showing up to work for people, and the most magical thing is a bunyip who lives in the nearby river who sometimes played pranks on the local fishermen but mostly left the town alone.

Most the of the gags would revolve around inconveniences like having to fight over usage of the one Tongues item since the people who were supposed to be there in both middle management and lower quarters who speak what the locals do haven't been hired yet, and having to use stuff like candles and locally fashioned furniture which is giving off splinters, someone bringing some mundane obstacle to the person in charge and them suggesting a high magic solution that would be perfectly possible in SD and being oblivious to the logistics of that, and their assistants being equally oblivious and trying to play telephone about this with the Brazier to mixed results, like the Bunyip situation being resolved with a Manticore buzzing the town because they thought Deep Ones were invading, when at most a small patrol of the Legion was requested to get the "river monster to swim upstream and leave the locals alone".
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I have only passing familiarity with The Office, having never seen more than a minute or two of an episode, but this sounds hilarious.

Bonus points if they're also assigned a Calligraphy Wyrm, who they think will be a great asset to help them do their work, but it turns out to not only be a deviant who doesn't like to do paperwork, it's also their boss.
 
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Interlude MLXXVI: Anchors Away
  • Threadmarks
    • Anchors Away ​

    Twenty-Third Day of the Fifth Month 294 AC

    The little boat sent ripples through the water; one, two, three little silvery circles in the calm waters of the narrow tidal pool. It looked to all the world like a child's toy, albeit a child who was most concerned with making a 'proper' long boat, from the long broad oars meant to cut the waters to the sea serpent prow in the guise of Nagga. The thing could have been one of the ships of Balon Greyjoy's late and unlamented Iron Fleet, the last military force to actually fall to the ships of Robert Baratheon's Royal Fleet before the Kingdom of the Stepstones, the not-quite Imperium having shown that the age of galleys had passed from the earth and would not be returning.

    "What do you see?" A strong voice called out from the shore, a voice used to commanding men at sea and ashore, the voice of the new Lady of the Iron Islands.

    "A longship?" Theon Greyjoy asked, trying and mostly failing to keep the skepticism out of his words. It was not that he would not vote with his sister, but he really did not see the point of all this mummery. Really, Lords Hightower and Redwyne would not have come to see her play with toys if they had not been interested with an alliance with the new Duchess of the Iron Islands.

    "No, that is a toy, and if you were to make it half a hundred times bigger it would still be a toy," Asha replied. She laughed. "And let me tell you that did not make good hearing for one who has thousands, likely tens of thousands of sailors who can man such a ship in her keeping, but the world ain't going to change on my account."

    "Not a sentiment one oft hears from Pyke alas, though one can hope that will change in the years to come," Lord Hightower said. His words were light, his eyes sharp and anyone who thought them idle was a fool.

    Asha did not seem to listen but went on with her speech. "This is a making of the age that was, as finely polished as a gem... and now as worthless as a glass bead. Time was when the easiest way to get from place to place was to slide a piece of wood along the waters by the power of oar and wind. If you ask an engineer they will talk your ears off about natural law and friction and all sorts of stuff that are not worth that much to us here. What matters is this. Take a Moonchaster, hells take the Moonchaser, it is just as much at home a thousand feet above the waters as it is a thousand feet below it and it is faster than oar and sail could ever go. Sailing in a boat of wood makes about as much sense long term as trying to fart yourself to your destination my lords, and I don't think even the Lyseni make food spicy enough for that. Pity for us we are at the ass end of the realm."

    Lord Redwyne laughed as if on cue... or more likely actually on cue. Not for nothing was his son marrying Asha. "Then I suppose you have a solution for us being 'at the ass end' of the Imperium, my lady."

    "I do indeed. Ignore the coasts, ignore the hills and mountains, rivers and lakes and fly free as the birds. You don't need all the bells and trumpets on a sky vessel to actually fly. The djinn have been doing it since before our kin learned to forge metal and tan hides. I am about to have a lot of people on my hands with the skills to run and sail a ship, in navigation and aye even command if you would trust an Ironborn. You, Lord Hightower, you have Oldtown and all its scholars, hopefully set to better tasks than they have been so far, and Lord Rdewyne will have the rich lands of the Arbor to make sure all of us get fed while we are playing with that sorcery... not to mention wine to geese the wheels of learning, I heard that works wonders."

    "From people more fond of wine than study no doubt," Brenn Pyke, the last of those invited to the meeting, noted. "And might I ask what does the Stoney Shore get out of this plan, Your Grace?"

    "You know that makes me look around for a king, 'proper courtesy' or not," Asha scoffed and rolled her eyes. She really should stop doing that, Theon thought, it made her look younger. Not that she was going to let that stop her from sailing ahead. "You get a faster way out of farming stones which is what I heard is the best you can hope for up and down that coast, and you get some friends to make up for everyone in the North hating you for your last name." She paused and looked around the small gathering under the flickering lights that made the shadows of the sea caves all the deeper. "The only way we are going to get or keep any property, any relevance long term is to get civilian sky ship routes up and running and that is going to be a lot easier to push through with the help of the crown than on our own."

    Hightower looked slowly from her to Redwyne, he was the only one not bound by blood or heritage to the rest of the small gathering. "I had heard that Ser Hobber is not yet wed, though he is to be your heir my lord..."

    "Indeed, I aim to change that soon," the elder lord replied, as though he had been expecting the words.

    OOC: Behold, the Western Ship league, and before anyone objects to Imperialists and Monarchists in the same faction they are not really that different, so long as the monarchists are among those who are most content with the throne.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • I'd like to repeat that I think putting an Ironborn in charge of an area that actively hates the Ironborn was bloody stupid.
     
    Frankly, sea shipping still appears to be economically relevant to me. Cheaper than land transport and probably more accessible than sky transport (a skyship requires magic and therefore significant investment for the enchanting).
     
    DragonParadox said:
    There are not that many people on the Stony Shore to complain and the ones that are there... well they are used to having their opinions ignored.
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    And to be ignored in turn. Having an Ironborn in charge with all the changes coming for them will not work out.

    We will probably have to recall him soonish and put a Northman in charge.
     
    Loinvoyant said:
    Frankly, sea shipping still appears to be economically relevant to me. Cheaper than land transport and probably more accessible than sky transport (a skyship requires magic and therefore significant investment for the enchanting).
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    I'm also still not sure how this is supposed to work at all since it was established that PoA designs don't work on Planetos.
     
    Loinvoyant said:
    Frankly, sea shipping still appears to be economically relevant to me. Cheaper than land transport and probably more accessible than sky transport (a skyship requires magic and therefore significant investment for the enchanting).
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    It still will for awhile, but with the threat of the Deep Ones/just the pure economic utility of skyships means people will push it out.
     
    Azel said:
    I'm also still not sure how this is supposed to work at all since it was established that PoA designs don't work on Planetos.
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    They do not, but you should be able to build cut down and relatively slow airships using less advanced tech than goes into your military vessels. The Valyrians did after all, there is even a crash site you know about in the lore as the origin of a priest of the Fifteenth (though it has been long looted; I did not fancy making it a dungeon).
     
    DragonParadox said:
    They do not, but you should be able to build cut down and relatively slow airships using less advanced tech than goes into your military vessels. The Valyrians did after all, there is even a crash site you know about in the lore as the origin of a priest of the Fifteenth (though it has been long looted; I did not fancy making it a dungeon).
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    It's still really weird to have everyone discuss a tech as a given that we haven't even researched. So far we made no movement in that direction.

    In fact, I'd rather go with Teleportation Circles.
     
    DragonParadox said:
    Anchors Away ​

    Twenty-Third Day of the Fifth Month 294 AC

    The little boat sent ripples through the water; one, two, three little silvery circles in the calm waters of the narrow tidal pool. It looked to all the world like a child's toy, albeit a child who was most concerned with making a 'proper' long boat, from the long broad oars meant to cut the waters to the sea serpent prow in the guise of Nagga. The thing could have been one of the ships of Balon Greyjoy's late and unlamented Iron Fleet, the last military force to actually fall to the ships of Robert Baratheon's Royal Fleet before the Kingdom of the Stepstones, the not-quite Imperium, having shown that the age of galleys had passed from the earth and would not be returning.

    "What do you see?" A strong voice called out from the shore, a voice used to commanding men at sea and ashore, the voice of the new Lady of the Iron Islands.

    "A longship?" Theon Greyjoy asked, trying and mostly failing to keep the skepticism out of his words. It was not that he would not vote with his sister, but he really did not see the point of all this mummery. Really, Lords Hightower and Redwyne would not have come to see her play with toys if they had not been interested with an alliance with the new Duchess of the Iron Islands.

    "No, that is a toy, and if you were to make it half a hundred times bigger it would still be a toy," Asha replied. She laughed. "And let me tell you, that did not make good hearing for one who has thousands, likely tens of thousands of sailors who can man such a ship in her keeping, but the world ain't going to change on my account."

    "Alas, not a sentiment one oft hears from Pyke, though one can hope that will change in the years to come," Lord Hightower said. His words were light, his eyes sharp, and anyone who thought them idle was a fool.

    Asha did not seem to listen but went on with her speech. "This is a making of the age that was, as finely polished as a gem... and now as worthless as a glass bead. Time was when the easiest way to get from place to place was to slide a piece of wood along the waters by the power of oar and wind. If you ask an engineer they will talk your ears off about natural law and friction and all sorts of stuff that are not worth that much to us here. What matters is this. Take a Moonchaster, Hells, take the Moonchaser, it is just as much at home a thousand feet above the waters as it is a thousand feet below it and it is faster than oar and sail could ever go. Sailing in a boat of wood makes about as much sense long term as trying to fart yourself to your destination, my lords, and I don't think even the Lyseni make food spicy enough for that. Pity for us, we are at the ass end of the realm."

    Lord Redwyne laughed, as if on cue... or more likely actually on cue. Not for nothing was his son marrying Asha. "Then I suppose you have a solution for us being 'at the ass end' of the Imperium, my lady?"

    "I do indeed. Ignore the coasts, ignore the hills and mountains, rivers and lakes, and fly free as the birds. You don't need all the bells and trumpets on a sky vessel to actually fly. The djinn have been doing it since before our kin learned to forge metal and tan hides. I am about to have a lot of people on my hands with the skills to run and sail a ship, in navigation and aye, even command if you would trust an Ironborn. You, Lord Hightower, you have Oldtown and all its scholars, hopefully set to better tasks than they have been so far, and Lord Redwyne will have the rich lands of the Arbor to make sure all of us get fed while we are playing with that sorcery... not to mention wine to grease the wheels of learning. I heard that works wonders."

    "From people more fond of wine than study, no doubt," Brenn Pyke, the last of those invited to the meeting, noted. "And might I ask what does the Stoney Shore get out of this plan, Your Grace?"

    "You know that makes me look around for a king, 'proper courtesy' or not," Asha scoffed and rolled her eyes. She really should stop doing that, Theon thought, it maked her look younger. Not that she was going to let that stop her from sailing ahead. "You get a faster way out of farming stones which is what I heard is the best you can hope for up and down that coast, and you get some friends to make up for everyone in the North hating you for your last name." She paused and looked around the small gathering under the flickering lights that made the shadows of the sea caves all the deeper. "The only way we are going to get or keep any property, any relevance long term, is to get civilian sky ship routes up and running, and that is going to be a lot easier to push through with the help of the crown than on our own."

    Hightower looked slowly from her to Redwyne. He was the only one not bound by blood or heritage to the rest of the small gathering. "I had heard that Ser Hobber is not yet wed, though he is to be your heir, my lord..."

    "Indeed, I aim to change that soon," the elder lord replied, as though he had been expecting the words.

    OOC: Behold, the Western Ship league, and before anyone objects to Imperialists and Monarchists in the same faction they are not really that different, so long as the monarchists are among those who are most content with the throne.
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    Made a few additional edits to the chapter, DP.
     
    Would it be easier for us to forge large sized creatures with a moderately high swim speed, like Giant Seahorses, give them constant Sky Swim as an SLA, and use them in teams to carry platforms?

    Sure it'd be a terrible idea for military use, but in a way that's an advantage since we don't want to make them useful for that or to divert more limited resources we could be using for military stuff.

    Flesh forging CR 3-4 flying draft animals is by comparison cheap since they could pay in corpse hd for it, and we've never even gotten into the ballpark of using all of the forge's throughput for military purposes.

    We could even link it into the sheep pacifists by encouraging the new faction to buy out their stock of non-GMO sheep to use as forge-fuel, then letting them buy new super sheep from the imperium directly with the money. Depending on how we set it up we could make money/hd coming and going.

    As we scale up we could move to less primitive systems, but for the moment this option would be fairly cost effective.
     
    Azel said:
    It's still really weird to have everyone discuss a tech as a given that we haven't even researched. So far we made no movement in that direction.

    In fact, I'd rather go with Teleportation Circles.
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    We know the standard Djinn airships won't work on the Material Plane, since those take advantage of the Plane of Air's wonky physics, but if anyone can build airships capable of flight on Planetos, it would be them.

    I know they're not ideal, but there are some basic airships designs already available. They would be light on cargo capacity, but relatively affordable for wealthy lords and merchants, and the Djinn probably know how to build them. They might even be able to build them more cheaply than the listed price, just like the Shaitan can produce Titan's Tools more cheaply than most other magical tools.
     
    Azel said:
    So does bulk good transport by air. There's no functional difference between flying over the countryside on a vessel that needs no stops and Teleportation.
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    That's another point in favor of the airship I just linked in my last post. They have a small cargo capacity, meaning there would be limited shipping of bulk goods by air. It would more likely be passengers and high value specialty items they would carry.
     
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