Fate/Clusterfuck (Fate/Stay Night)

[Medea]

Thanks to @Armoury for the beta!

—

Caster's hand clamps down onto your shoulder, and then you are gone. In an instant, you disappear from Rin's apartment, and reappear back in the mansion. It's… Raiga's office. The man turned his head to look at you, unsurprised or shocked, though as he saw Taiga in your arms the phone in his hand loosened ever so slightly. You stare at the man for a moment, then kneel down, placing Taiga gently onto the floor. "She's just sleeping," you say slowly, quietly. Then rise. "I… managed to save her." The words ring hollow in your ears, did you? Did you really. "Thank you for everything up to this point, it was…"

Taiga begins to stir on the ground, and the words fade away. For there was nothing you could say, nothing you could really do to make this right. Taiga had been given to you, on a fickle whim, you hadn't saved her. You hadn't saved anybody, not Sakura, not Taiga, not…

Then you're gone again.

—


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSgBEkiKuWs

—

Gone was Raiga's mansion, gone was Fuyuki. Gone was everything and everyone you had ever known. You were somewhere else now, far away in a place that may not even truly exist. But you knew it well. A temple sat in front of you, rotten and fallen, the statue of Hecate in front crumpled and the pools empty and dry. The roof had collapsed, filling the inside with debris. This wasn't the damage of battle, or desecration, but simple neglect. This place was forgotten and abandoned, whether that was caused by Circe leaving, or the Temple, as you saw it, was simply another illusion you couldn't say.

You couldn't say much of anything these days, little made sense anymore. It had all gone out of control, but then, was it ever? From that first moment you found Medea at the park, were you in control of the situation? Was anyone? It's just madness and chaos. But… that doesn't matter, what you think about it doesn't matter. You turn your head to look at Medea, the witch has her hood down, causing her blue hair to shift in the breeze.

"Why did you bring me here? We… we have things we need to be doing." You sigh. "We need to check on Sakura, we need to see if BB is truly gone. We… we have to find a place to sta-"

The hand on your shoulder grips tighter, almost painful, but not quite. "Shirou, speak to me."

You stare at her. "A master is dead, that leaves… at most two? One? We have to figure out what we're going to d-"

Her other hand clamps down on your other shoulder, and her face moves to be a bare inch from your own.

"Don't hide your pain, don't hide from me. I am the witch of betrayal, there is nothing you are feeling that I haven't."

It was a simple statement on her part, an affirmation. Not even a strong one. But it hit you like a sledgehammer regardless. "Why?" you ask quietly. "Why did all of this have to happen?" tears began to emerge. "Why? Why all of this? Why here? Why Fuyuki? Why do we have to destroy this city again? When I was a child… this whole city burned to the ground, now it's happening again for what, greed? A wish? If a wish can only be granted by all these deaths then it's worthless."

"Men and women have fought their entire lives for something as simple as a wish," Medea replies quietly. "In my time, heroes were granted many, and they changed the world."

"Heroes?" you smile bitterly. "I always wanted to be a hero, my father… my adoptive father saved me from the fire, he pulled me out of it. I had been wandering alone, looking for my family, my home, anyone I knew. But he saved me. He didn't have to, but he saved me." You look away from her, towards the temple. "I had never seen someone as happy as he was, and I never saw him that happy again. So many people died that day, I wanted to pay it back, I have tried to pay it back, to protect people." You try to smile as Kiritsugu did, but you can barely move the muscles in your face. "And I've failed, again, and again, and again. Whether it's the monster, whether it's Brihanalla, whether it's BB. People keep getting caught up in the madness of Magus."

You then look back at Medea, tears flowing freely now. "I just want to protect people. I just… want my life to have meaning, I survived when so many others died, so I want to pay that back. But I haven't been able to save anyone, even when I tried to save Rin… I was powerless. I don't want a wish, I never did. I just want to help… is… is that truly a bad thing? Is there a reason I can't?"

Medea's arms clamp around your back and pull you against her. Her hands shoot to your head, pressing you against her shoulder as she hugs you. "No, Shirou. No it isn't."

You blink in surprise from Medea of all people hugging you, then, unbidden, you wrap your arms around her in return and sob into her robes. It isn't a noble thing, it isn't manly, it isn't heroic. But her arms wrapped around your back are the only thing keeping you standing as you cry your grief on the deserted isle.

You remove yourself an indeterminate time later, but don't pull away. Medea looks you over, then smiles, producing a small piece of cloth to wipe at your face. "You are foolish, incredibly foolish.

"You rescued a witch in the park, gave her the run of your home, and are attempting to do naught but save lives in a war. You are an idiot, and your dream, as you have put it, is foolish as well." She smiles, it's a sweet, gentle smile. "You are a far better man than the heroes of my time. They were foolish, but of a different sort. Greedy, egotistical." She then moves her hands to cup your cheeks. "I understand your grief regarding Rin, I do not understand what she meant to you, but I know you would not kill her. It isn't who you are."

"Shinji."

"Shinji was actively harming people and was unrepentant about it." Medea replies. "I could hear everything going on master, we all could. BB was gloating and Rin was… Rin wasn't innocent, but she made her choices."

"No," you reply. "Someone made them for her."

"Master, she had a wicked advisor, but she remained in the war of her own volition, you still attempted to save her." Medea straightens up a bit, her hands moving off of your face. "Shirou, you're kind, too kind for all of this. You didn't deserve to be caught up in this war."

"Nobody did, and I'm a Magus. I should be able to do something. But I just lose, again and again."

"Shirou, if knowing magic could solve all the ills of the world I would not be as you see me now, my story wouldn't have ended as it did. You are still alive, you still have your future, and I will fight to protect it. Even if you are foolish."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

—


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKCCs9DNEJs

—

Her words are quiet, gentle, as if afraid to disturb the still air of the island. But they hit you like a hammerblow regardless. Medea is smiling again, it's a sweet smile, colored by tears of her own. "I adore you Shirou, I truly do. You have been so very kind to me, and I just want to get you through this. But you cannot blame this on yourself, you cannot take this war upon your shoulders. It isn't your fault, it isn't your burden to bear."

You say nothing, simply staring at her.

Medea continues. "If not me, then Circe, if not Circe, then Ayako. You aren't alone, this war isn't just you, if you attempt to take it all upon yourself I will hex you and believe me this witch knows a nasty hex or two." She leans forward, pressing her forehead against your own. "But do not lose your kindness Shirou, don't let this war break you. You saved me, I would have died. Please do not forget that. If nothing else, you saved me."

…

"Thank you, Medea." For many things, you… you loved her as well, as much as you did Ayako and Circe.

Medea smiles. "I know." As if reading your thoughts. Then she leans forward, placing her lips against your own once more. She cups the side of your face, and as the world faded away, as she teleported the two of you once more.

… You felt at peace.

—

For a few seconds.

Then someone crashes into you.. You fall back to the ground, pain shooting through you as you crash onto the snow-covered cobblestone that leads up to Illya's Castle. Why, or how Caster teleported you there you have no idea, but you'll just go ahead and blame Circe. At the moment however, you couldn't really focus on that. You could really only focus on the pain, and the view of Ayako, in a magical girl outfit, hovering above you, looking absolutely furious and panicked. "Where the fuck did you go!?"

"Ar…thur?" Mordred's voice groans out, and you glance to the side to see Berserker wandering over.

You shake your head, "It's fine, Mordred."

Berserker blinks, then turns to look at the castle instead.

You turn your head back to Ayako. "I delivered Taiga to Raiga. She's fine, he's fine. I wasn't going to take any chances." It was a lie, but then, it was also something you would have wanted to begin with.

"Good, glad she's okay. We're leaving, alright? We're leaving Fuyuki."

"... Why?" you ask.

"Why!?" Ayako shrieks. "Rin is dead, Shinji is dead. And you ask why!? I don't want any more of that."

You close your eyes, calming yourself. One conversation to the next. "No. I can't, not while I can still help people here."

"Bullshit, let the servants and the other magic people handle it. I don't want to see any of my other friends die. You're just a teenager Shirou, we both are, what are we even doing here?!"

"Our best! That's all we can do!" You shout back, losing yourself. "You think I want this either!?"

"Enough!" a voice breaks between the two of you, and you both turn your heads to see Sakura. "Ayako, if we don't stop this… everyone in Fuyuki will die. This isn't what I was told about either. We can run, but whoever remains here, whoever wins… they'll have a wish granted. Would you let whoever is still fighting us have that?"

Sakura is one octave below shrieking and is so close your ears are ringing. She's furious, far more furious than you've ever seen her before. "Run, run if you want. I'm helping Shirou. He's the… he's the only one left I can."

Tears begin to pour down her face, and Ayako stares at her for a moment before she shuffles off of you and stomps off. Sakura stares after her, then moves to sit next to you on the cold ground. "Shirou, are you?"

You nod your head. "I'm fine, just processing."

Sakura says nothing for several long moments, then looks at the castle. "Illya… Illya has agreed to let us stay here. Which is good, there's nowhere else. Rin how… how did she… die?"

Sakura knew Rin, though you would hardly call them friends. But Sakura worried about everyone, she always did. "Quickly," you lie. "Painlessly, BB simply… got rid of her."

Sakura stares at you for several seconds, then nods and stands. She walks off to the castle, a stumble to her step that she quickly rights before she disappears inside. You roll your head, staring into the sky for a few moments, then push yourself up and move inside yourself. Sella blocked your way almost immediately, dragging you off to a 'prepared' room Illya had set aside for you. Medea and Circe you note were both missing, though the command seals were still there. And you had seen no sign of Fujimaru or Shielder either. You were admittedly having trouble focusing regardless. Too much was happening all at once.

The room was much like Illya's, only white instead of pink. And you found yourself staring at a mirror for a good long while. You had lost weight, and… stress you suppose. Stress was turning the tips of your hair slightly white. You stare at your own reflection, looking at the man within. You wonder if Kiritsugu would have been proud of you. You didn't honestly know, you had at least saved Medea if no-one else.

That counted for something, right?

Then there was a knock at the door.

—

[] [It's Archer]
Weapon training. Reality Marble. A different future.

[] [It's Circe and Medea]
Magic training. The Age of Gods. The Sixth Magic.

[] [It's Fujimaru]
Servant training. The Shadows. A Holy Grail.

—

I'm sorry for the shorter length on this one, I'm in the middle of a hurricane and just discovered a hole in my roof today. Been a mite distracted and panicked.