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A Sword Without a Hilt: A Song of Ice and Fire/D&D 3.5 Crossover

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TalonofAnathrax said:
This is deeply, deeply stupid.
I don't know why I'm surprised though, coming from you: if you'd done any research on this you would know that the comic is misinformed, based on untrustworthy studies, and lacking in basic knowledge of biology.
Hell, the comments section beneath that comic is full of people saying how stupid this comic was!

As for my comments about the kids, that was mostly based on the fact that different pastimes are normal for boys and girls, and that below the age of 12 the girls are better suited to sitting indoors for an afternoon.
I specified "Algerian-born" for two reasons:
  • For cultural reasons (and in my own experience) Algerian boys under the age of about 12 tend to be really rowdy
  • Typically French kids are better at sitting down and shutting up then foreign ones. It's creepy sometimes (I know families that give calming pills to their kids when guests come over), but it's definitely a thing. Maybe it's because French parents are more strict? Or just because they have a lower tolerance for rowdiness in children? Again, take it from my experience as a baby-sitter (and occasional private teacher). However this does not extend to kids born of immigrants, like the ones I'm meant to be minding right now. Those kids are raised differently and are rowdy AF.
This was absolutely not because of some "all French men are more rude" bullshit. This was specifically about this type of kid (north african, parents are immigrants).

They're family and they're not going to murder me or anything. It's just a massive pain in the ass.
It can be fun to have active, talkative kids to look after. But [quick headcount] 13 at once?
No way in hell. If this were a job I wouldn't take it.
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It was also meant as a joke, I find that comic funny, how much of it is true I don't know, I just thought it would be funny to quote.

I love the comic so any excuse to quote it is a good excuse.
 
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Here's an idea for a unique item for Lya. The cost is basically double the price of a Ring of Spell Turning and a Rod of Absorption, since the Ioun Stone effect means it doesn't use an item slot.

The idea is to use nine of the black Resurrection quality diamonds we looted from the Spider Demon's box down in Sothoryos.

The Crown of Stars - Minor Artifact, Caster Level: 15th, Cost: 30,000 IM
Nine black diamonds each cut to resemble twelve-pointed stars comprise the so-called Crown of Stars in its resting state. Once activated, these diamonds take on a silver hue and glow with a coruscating aura of shifting colors, slowly orbiting above the head of the spellcaster bonded to them in a rough approximation of a crown. When 'worn', the Crown of Stars grants the following abilities:
  • Spell Turning: Up to three times per day on command, the Crown automatically reflects the next nine levels of spells cast at the wearer, exactly as if Spell Turning had been cast upon her.
  • Spell Absorption: Rather than reflecting a spell via the Spell Turning effect, the energy from a spell can instead be absorbed by the Crown as if it were a Rod of Absorption. Using this ability expends a daily use of Spell Turning, and the absorbed spell energy must be used within an hour or it dissipates harmlessly.
  • Spell Blast: Rather than using absorbed spell energy to cast a spell, the wearer of the Crown can instead launch a blast of magical Force at a nearby target. The spell blast is launched as a Swift Action and behaves as an Orb of Force, but inflicts 2d6 points of damage per level of spell energy expended (20d6 maximum). The Ranged Attack bonus of the spell blast equals the wearer's Arcane caster level plus their Intelligence bonus.
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Part MMDVI: Once Wine Is Drunk
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    • Once Wine Is Drunk ​

    Twelfth Day of the Seventh Month 293 AC

    Upon agreeing to leave matters be for now, the fey woman nods knowingly and withdraws on soft and gentle steps. It would be too much to hope that she could not guess your purpose after the innuendo you had made use of. Moments later Diana, Theon, and Asha also bid the lords farewell, resolved to recover the crown from the sea, though a quiet word from you is enough to stay their hand until you are present to deal with the baleful treasure. Alas that the feast seems to be far indeed from winding down and what you have to say to the Lord of the Arbor cannot be spoken in company.

    Thus you linger, sipping wine for appearance's sake at times and offering the odd inconsequential compliment of hounds, hawks, and horses. By the night's end you had received upwards of a dozen invitations to hunt or dine, and even Lothos had earned a handful. Unlike you the old pirate in a young man's skin did not shy away from agreeing. Brave men...

    ***​

    Finally as morning's light begins to show through the cabin's windows the revelry ends, the last of the lords half stumbling half being carried along by their fellows. The Lord of the Arbor does not seem near so lost to wine's song as the others, remarking in jest that, "You learn to handle it right quick when you have the finest wine in all Westeros so near at hand."

    "Young as I am I've had to appeal to more esoteric means to deal with the matter," you offer with a smile. "If you wish I could speak the spell twice rather than once."

    Paxter Redwyne looks you up and down a long moment, weighing the offer in mind. Of itself it was a small thing, for if you had wanted to enchant him both of you know you did not need permission, but it would be a show of trust perhaps unbecoming of your circumstance.

    Highgarden is far indeed, and even the Queen of Thorns cannot see over hills, mountains, and the rolling seas. "Alright," he nods. "You would not have lingered so long for the pleasure of hearing Clarence talking about 'that one time with the shadowcat streak'."

    From the way he says it, it's clear the elderly knight has told the tale of facing twin shadowcats afoot very many times indeed, thus you laugh politely even as you reach out to clear the fog of wine from Lord Redwyne's mind. Growing more serious you assure that you hold no ill will towards him or his House following the clash.

    "But the Ironborn girl might, eh?" he chuckles. "The only thing a Kraken's better at than plundering is keeping grudges."

    "I will ensure she has more productive uses for her energy," you reply diplomatically. "Gods alone know there are more worthy ships to plunder in these waters."

    For a moment he looks curious, as though on the edge of asking what gods you mean perhaps, but in the end he only replies, "Nothing but the truth. I won't weep for any slavers."

    He seems altogether too lighthearted and friendly a man to have the life of his son hanging upon the already failed mission, but still the matter is worth following upon. "I heard about your son as far as Braavos," you begin, probing the matter gently.

    At this the lord sits in silence a long while, seeming to look past you, to far off places and times gone by. "The Court of Stars didn't arrange Horas' death only to bring him back. Of that I am certain, for I asked their Queen in so many words and she answered bluntly, no."

    It is not often that you find yourself at a loss for words but the blunt confession has the gift of doing just that, if only for a moment. "A brave deed," you manage to get out. More like foolhardy, but there is little point in saying so.

    "I needed to know before I pledged, and if she killed me for asking then Hobber would have known the truth of it and acted as was proper." His tone gives the last word unexpected teeth. You doubt the fey or even the Tyrells would have liked a taste of that propriety.

    "If the price of his return was aiding in recovering the crown..." you trail off, looking for confirmation, spoken or silent.

    "It wasn't," he replies simply. "I'm here as a bannerman and good-brother of Mace Tyrell, Lord Paramount of the South, not at the behest of the wild powers. While she is on my ship, even that one agreed to abide by the laws and courtesies befitting on the circumstances."

    Though tempted to ask what had been the price of Horas' life and who had paid it you suspect the question stretches past the bounds of the Lord of the Arbor's unexpected honesty, so instead you guarantee the young man's safety in Sorcerer's Deep while he is yet in the limbo of being officially dead.

    "I'll tell him," the lord replies, about as noncommittal and answer as he could give but still not a flat no. "That's one of the things that's supposed to be settled at the conclave in Oldtown." He pauses moment then asks: "After all you've learned, would you be willing to answer a question of mine too, Your Grace?"

    "I can only promise to hear it out fairly and bear no rancor for the asking," you reply, wary but intrigued also.

    He nods: "Why is it you've given so much the North without being asked, even talked to Stark rumor says, while having so many words of... caution for Reachmen who stayed loyal." In other words why have you been testing his loyalty to the Tyrells... An eminently sensible question, from his perspective you admit, but one with a very complex answer. To speak of the Others might have him doubt your sanity, to mention Jon would put the boy at risk, and to explain your regrets over the fates of Lord Rickard Stark and his elder son might be taken for a sign of weakness. Yet an answer you must give if you are to continue winning the loyalty of House Redwyne.

    What do you reply?

    [] Write in

    OOC: You guys did not guess precisely right, but still you made a good impression overall on Lord Redwyne.
     
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    • Hmmm... @DragonParadox, why would Lord Redwyne think we're mad for explaining about the Others? We have a hell of a lot of proof. The Children of the Forest who we could bring here to speak to him (or we could bring him to speak to them). The Blue Ice bones of the Frost Dragon. Rina's book. Rina herself if she's up to it. Hell, teleporting him to the Night's Watch to talk to Jeor.
     
    Its likely that the Crown has mythic powah, so I still think we should eat it somehow or let someone else on our side do it. Ofc, the fey king might come awake because of that, I expect him to be weaker and pretty damaged mentally or authority wise in that case.
     
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    DkArthas said:
    Its likely that the Crown has mythic powah, so I still think we should eat it somehow or let someone else on our side do it. Ofc, the fey king might come awake because of that, I expect him to be weaker and pretty damaged mentally in that case.
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    A shame we don't have levels in the Dragon prestige class that lets us eat gold and magic for more power.
     
    Yeah, we can and probably should give him proof of Others coming.

    At least so that he himself isn't blindsided by any agent of theirs, which is a distinct possibility, what with dice being random af.

    Also nicely manages this question of his.
     
    Duesal said:
    Hmmm... @DragonParadox, why would Lord Redwyne think we're mad for explaining about the Others? We have a hell of a lot of proof. The Children of the Forest who we could bring here to speak to him (or we could bring him to speak to them). The Blue Ice bones of the Frost Dragon. Rina's book. Rina herself if she's up to it. Hell, teleporting him to the Night's Watch to talk to Jeor.
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    Because you are talking about 'some heathen apocalypse'. Why would Paxter Redwyne care about weird monkey people? Remember this is not the north and he likely has only the vaguest idea what the Children of the Forest were even supposed to be.
     
    Duesal said:
    Hmmm... @DragonParadox, why would Lord Redwyne think we're mad for explaining about the Others? We have a hell of a lot of proof. The Children of the Forest who we could bring here to speak to him (or we could bring him to speak to them). The Blue Ice bones of the Frost Dragon. Rina's book. Rina herself if she's up to it. Hell, teleporting him to the Night's Watch to talk to Jeor.
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    The phrasing there was "might". If we're willing to take the effort to explain then we should be fine, but if we just go "lol zombie apocalypse" then he'll probably raise an eyebrow.
     
    [] Magic is rising everywhere. The Fey, while not harmless or nice by any measure, are at least not out for the death of mankind in totality. Things are moving in the North that are.
    -[] Explain the threat of the Others, not as some religious counterplayer to the Old Gods, but simply as undead monsters and corrupted fey seeking to kill all that is. Include the events in Whiteharbor.
    -[] These are not threats to be negotiated with, only to be fought by every living being there is, man, dragon, fey or other creature interested in surviving on this world.
     
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    DragonParadox said:
    Because you are talking about 'some heathen apocalypse'. Why would Paxter Redwyne care about weird monkey people? Remember this is not the north and he likely has only the vaguest idea what the Children of the Forest were even supposed to be.
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    ... This is still Westeros. Even if they don't pay homage to the Old Gods, Westerosi should be aware of the Long Night.

    But fine, not Children of the Forest.

    Would teleporting him to Jeor Mormont for a conversation (or teleporting Jeor down here) really not do anything?

    Would giving him Rina's book really not do anything?

    I'm finding it very hard to believe that we'll be unable to convince him. He's literally living in a world where old legends are returning. Why not the dark ones?
     
    DragonParadox said:
    He nods: "Why is it you've given so much the North without being asked, even talked to Stark rumor says, while having so many words of... caution for Reachmen who stayed loyal." In other words why have you been testing his loyalty to the Tyrells... An eminently sensible question, from his perspective you admit, but one with a very complex answer. To speak of the Others might have him doubt your sanity, to mention Jon would put the boy at risk, and to explain your regrets over the fates of Lord Rickard Stark and his elder son might be taken for a sign of weakness. Yet and answer you must give if you are to continue winning the loyalty of House Redwyne.
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    He has a Fey woman on his ship, we turn into a dragon, he's seen the tritons and his son was literally brought back from the dead, but undead ice zombies, that's where he draws the fucking line?

    Look, tell him straight up, shit's going down and we're making sure that the Wall is actually a goddamn wall instead of a poorly manned gatehouse with the doors open and a 24 hrs neon sign flickering in the predawn light hanging on top of it.
     
    Well for one thing, we didn't give lots of aid to the North, we gave it to the Night's Watch. And honestly in an era of Deep Ones, Fiends and other such things, the Others being real is hardly far fetched. The biggest piece of evidence for it is the fact Brandon the Builder made that fuck off Wall of his over there, putting more effort into it than into his own castle.

    Anybody who isn't a complete moron will realize that such a gigantic work of magic and construction wouldn't be done on a whim. The material costs alone are unimaginable.
     
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