It's canon in my heart and that's all that matters.
Also more Canon than Disney's version of Thrawn.
Using The Force Made Easy
- Thread starter Fencer
- Start date
- Sci-Fi
It's canon in my heart and that's all that matters.
Also more Canon than Disney's version of Thrawn.
The17thImmortal
Seeker of Sanity
Ikr. Not just Thrawn, those bastards at Disney did the Noghri dirty as well.It's canon in my heart and that's all that matters.
Also more Canon than Disney's version of Thrawn.
ISTFG, that Magnificent Bastard even made being assassinated look unbelievably badass!
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Lordamnesia
What are we doing again?
Ok, first this is after Episode 1, and before Episode 2. Only the Trade Federation and the system cops can legally have guns on their ships.
Second, Anikin and Obi-wan would absolutely help with not getting blown up. They are plot armor in exact, so as long as their on the ship the crew here will survive.
I have a different view on what would probably happen here. Sure, he's famous and he's spreading this absolutely wanted ability to who knows how many people. But lets compare this to someone like say, Azmongold. He's pretty recognizable as a Youtuber and Twich Streamer, and has been featured on several national news networks about various takes of his. Yet he can wear a hoodie and has taken several trips around the USA and not gotten recognized. As Fiscer said, there are maybe 10-100 people per populated planet that 'could' hire merc's to.... hunt him down? Try and kill him? Kidnap to.... teach them the Force? The actual question is, why would they? Yes, in Star Wars there's aparently a fuckton of Sociopaths who have more money then Midas, but John is a Youtuber who is literally spilling all the secrets and is saying 'yes, there's more and I will teach you them'.
Now, I'm not saying that there won't be people sending Assassins / Mercs after him. The Hutts come to mind that might do it, but this is the FORCE. Literal Space Magic that has been bogarted by quasi religious groups that have for tens of thousands of years have said 'Oh, you can use it? Join or die.' And I'm not just talking the Jedi / Sith, there were tons of various Force Sets over the milenia that were like that. But this is the first time that someone has said 'You, the person that thought they never had a chance can possibly learn Space Magic.' And actually ment it. No 'if you make 100 payments of 9.99', no 'come to this sketchy seminar and stay 3 nights', no 'come on this cruise'. Just practice this quasi martial arts and the very least you will get a bit more limber. Or you could learn SPACE MAGIC. For. Fucking. Free.
If anything, I would think that more then people putting bounties on Kesel, there would be a fund to match it to NOT take a contract on him. Why would you? Fortunes a trained Force user, traveling with actual Jedi, on his own spaceship. Wait 6 months, and the first wave of 'Holy shit I can feel the force and watch me lift this pencil' will appear on social media. If you need to kidnap someone, grab those locals who aren't a mobile combat veteran. Or hire them legitimately. Hell, I can already see some of the uber rich watching for those video's and snapping up all those middle / lower class new Force users in some new company. For what you ask? Who knows! Bodyguard work? Real Fortune Telling? To be the one with the magic users? For a sex cult? What the hell do the .01% do with access to brand new magic users?
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- Pronouns
- She/Her
Or he needs a better ship maybe? There are… a lot of hidden things floating around the galaxy far far away that the force could nudge him towards. Stealth systems are rare in this age but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Plus, well, it *would* be hilarious if he dug up an old school Sith alchemist to grow him some synthetic crystals and get an interview at the same time, just to give the council an aneurysm. More realistically there is that whole force group that does illusions he could go bother?
There is one other possibility people aren't considering. Our dear MC might end up falling under the Tony Hawk Effect, where people can clearly tell he looks similar, but fails to make the connection. 
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Can legally have MORE THAN A CERTAIN AMOUNT of guns, and above a certain power level. I think it is like two turbolaser batteries (ship-scale blasters) at most for a civilian ship, intended as anti-debris more than anti-pirate. The whole reason the Trade Federation gave for why they wanted more guns was outer rim pirates, after all.
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Lycanthromancer
The Arcane Fuzz
- Location
- USA
Fixed that for you.
The Galactic Republic really doesn't like heart disease or diabeetus. Little Debbie snack cakes are banned. With prejudice.
Krazyfan1
Worrying for the future.
- Location
- Australia
i wonder if a fake mustache would work?
- Location
- Mobile, Alabama
0 out of 10, immediately joining the Separatists.
And all the ships in Huttspace. So something like dozens of thousands of ships in different sizes armed to the teeth. They can't come into Republic officially but when it ever stopped them? Outer Rim is a pirate infested hellhole for a lot of reasons and Huttspace is one of big ones.
Don't forget that Hutts never agreed to any disarmament. They have trade ships that comply with Republican laws but that's just a tip of the iceberg.
- Location
- United Kigdom
There is one other possibility people aren't considering. Our dear MC might end up falling under the Tony Hawk Effect, where people can clearly tell he looks similar, but fails to make the connection.
That's aactually something I was musing about earlier; while the whole "7 doppelgangers in the world" thing is unverifiable, when you consider how similar some people can look IRL and multiply that by the human population of the galaxy, chances are pretty high of some people getting mistaken
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Anti-Bounty
- Location
- england
Omake offering (my first for this thread) -
The office aboard the space station was as large as a regular hangar bay and equipped with huge windows on two of the walls that looked out over the armoured hull of the station and the hemisphere of the planet it was distantly orbiting. The office itself was floored with a wooden mosaic that formed a ring of a dozen symbols around a large holoprojector that was inset into the floor.
A keen observer would have noted that the symbol for the Slaver Syndicate just happened to be the one closest to the door that led to the Refresher and was placed so that those heading to use/leaving the facilities would easily step on it.
The main lights of the room were deactivates with spotlights illuminating the symbols and the people standing just in front of them. Smaller holo-projectors integrated into the spotlights projected the symbols of the Bounty Houses behind the representatives, save for the Guild Master who had no symbol as they were officially above the factionalisation that said symbols represented.
"...and the children were returned undamaged to their guardians." The leader of House Benelex noted smugly. "The rest of you should find the authorities of Corsin will be less likely to be obstructive... for a while at least."
A murmur of approval (and acknowledgement) rippled around the office, then the spotlight for Benelex dimmed slightly as the one illuminating the Guild Leader brightened.
"Thank you, Benelex." He stated, holding to the tradition that the representative of the House was the House Personified, a tradition which had come about centuries prior when a period of quiet turmoil had led to the rapid replacement of the representatives of several of the Houses, including the Slaver Syndicate which had the unfortunate honor of having the highest turnover - twenty-three Representatives in seventeen days, something that the other Houses still took quiet amusement in. "I am amused to declare our first organisation-wide anti-Bounty."
The Holoprojector flared into life and the Guild Master motioned to the slowly-turning image it displayed. "The anti-bounty is for John Kesel, former Jedi Trainee, independent wanderer and general entertainer. The Dark Hypercom has started up a funding campaign for us to not interfere with him. Currently, the fund is paying us a constant gal-year fee equal to a Hutt seeking the termination of their former Vizier."
Several of the beings betrayed themselves with exclamations of surprise, but everyone else politely ignored them while privately noting who they were for future plans.
"As such, I am putting in the Rule of Three. Any Guild Hunter who takes a contract out against him must recompense the Guild by paying for three years worth of the anti-bounty. Any Hunter who targets a member of his crew must pay the Guild one year's worth. Kesel is very profitable for us at the moment, bringing in a bounty without the need to pay for weapons, medical care and so on. If we are fortunate, other anti-bounties will also begin now that this one is established."
"The term anti-bounty is beginning to lose meaning for me." The head of House Ragnar noted, causing a wave of amusement to echo round the room.
The office aboard the space station was as large as a regular hangar bay and equipped with huge windows on two of the walls that looked out over the armoured hull of the station and the hemisphere of the planet it was distantly orbiting. The office itself was floored with a wooden mosaic that formed a ring of a dozen symbols around a large holoprojector that was inset into the floor.
A keen observer would have noted that the symbol for the Slaver Syndicate just happened to be the one closest to the door that led to the Refresher and was placed so that those heading to use/leaving the facilities would easily step on it.
The main lights of the room were deactivates with spotlights illuminating the symbols and the people standing just in front of them. Smaller holo-projectors integrated into the spotlights projected the symbols of the Bounty Houses behind the representatives, save for the Guild Master who had no symbol as they were officially above the factionalisation that said symbols represented.
"...and the children were returned undamaged to their guardians." The leader of House Benelex noted smugly. "The rest of you should find the authorities of Corsin will be less likely to be obstructive... for a while at least."
A murmur of approval (and acknowledgement) rippled around the office, then the spotlight for Benelex dimmed slightly as the one illuminating the Guild Leader brightened.
"Thank you, Benelex." He stated, holding to the tradition that the representative of the House was the House Personified, a tradition which had come about centuries prior when a period of quiet turmoil had led to the rapid replacement of the representatives of several of the Houses, including the Slaver Syndicate which had the unfortunate honor of having the highest turnover - twenty-three Representatives in seventeen days, something that the other Houses still took quiet amusement in. "I am amused to declare our first organisation-wide anti-Bounty."
The Holoprojector flared into life and the Guild Master motioned to the slowly-turning image it displayed. "The anti-bounty is for John Kesel, former Jedi Trainee, independent wanderer and general entertainer. The Dark Hypercom has started up a funding campaign for us to not interfere with him. Currently, the fund is paying us a constant gal-year fee equal to a Hutt seeking the termination of their former Vizier."
Several of the beings betrayed themselves with exclamations of surprise, but everyone else politely ignored them while privately noting who they were for future plans.
"As such, I am putting in the Rule of Three. Any Guild Hunter who takes a contract out against him must recompense the Guild by paying for three years worth of the anti-bounty. Any Hunter who targets a member of his crew must pay the Guild one year's worth. Kesel is very profitable for us at the moment, bringing in a bounty without the need to pay for weapons, medical care and so on. If we are fortunate, other anti-bounties will also begin now that this one is established."
"The term anti-bounty is beginning to lose meaning for me." The head of House Ragnar noted, causing a wave of amusement to echo round the room.
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Lordamnesia
What are we doing again?
Oh I totally agree. That's why I said legally, not actually. But ironically, sticking to inner sphere / mid rim shipping is going to be safer to hide out in then outer rim shipping would be. Which is where most people would go to dissappear.
It's just.... so very, very hard to ambush 4 Force users who listen to the Force most of the trip. Yadda yadda Veil of the Dark Side doesn't super apply when 3 of the 4 sometimes tap into the Dark Side. And as shown by Kesel, he gets plenty of guidance from the Force, he just doesn't always know what it accomplishes.
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
I actually forgot an "s", it is supposed to be debris.
- Location
- Zhirconia
I don't think there's many characters the Dosney movies/shows didn't do dirty, lol.
This misspelling is an insult to all forms of DOS. And the Spanish word for "two".
Fencer
Writer
- Location
- 2nd shift
- Pronouns
- He/Him
@TheBeardedOne you have been threadmarked. Sorry for the delayed response I got absorbed in a good fic this morning and now I'm on the hunt for good crack fics. ao3 is being surprisingly unhelpful. Sorry brain not engaged fully. Nice Omake!
Tale Swapper
(Unverified Madman)
- Location
- Lost Among a Sea of Imaginings and Dreams
The tag 'Crack treated seriously' often has good results for me. Not necessarily what you're looking for, but it might help!
prince84
In central Dogma flirting with Lilith.
- Location
- The Madness Place
I can see John finding himself being tailed and deciding to go the Raiden style of disguise.
And it turns out that it doesn't matter what planet he is on or the local outfits, once he puts on the sombrero they lose him completely... Including Anakin and Obi-Wan. John just disappears completely.
And it turns out that it doesn't matter what planet he is on or the local outfits, once he puts on the sombrero they lose him completely... Including Anakin and Obi-Wan. John just disappears completely.
Lycanthromancer
The Arcane Fuzz
- Location
- USA
Have you read Constellations (Worm/Okami)?
Nemesis (Worm)?
Project: Gamer, Ver. 2 (The Gamer/Young Justice)?
Taylor Varga (Worm/Luna Varga)?
Harry Potter and the Natural 20 (HP/D&D)?
Hail to the King (G4 MLP:FIM)?
They're not really crack (except when they are), but they can be VERY funny.
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Fencer
Writer
- Location
- 2nd shift
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Think I've read half of those. Though I could not get into Varga too slow. I'll happily check out the rest though thanks!
Ok… no sombrero hat or hood sure but no sombrero. What's the name for those pancho things? I would absolutely wear one of those freaking everywhere just because they look warm and halfway between weird and cool.I can see John finding himself being tailed and deciding to go the Raiden style of disguise.
And it turns out that it doesn't matter what planet he is on or the local outfits, once he puts on the sombrero they lose him completely... Including Anakin and Obi-Wan. John just disappears completely.
Lycanthromancer
The Arcane Fuzz
- Location
- USA
Oh, almost forgot this one. It's flippin' hilarious.
Oh, You Didn't Know? Yeah, He's Awesome (Harry Potter)
Oh, You Didn't Know? Yeah, He's Awesome (Harry Potter)
Isn't this just... protection money?
- Location
- Finland
Usually protection money is paid by the target not by others.
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Protection money is "pay me or I break your kneecaps". This is an anti-bounty, basically going to the mercenary/assassin's guild and saying "I'll pay you to NOT take a contract on this guy". It is an anti-bounty because usually you set a bounty by going to the same people and saying "I'll pay you to kill this guy".