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That Time I Became A Dictator Of A Small Asian Communist Nation

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The Iwo Jima Crisis of 1974 - Part 2
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    • WARNING: 1970s RACISM, SLURS, ETC.
    Notice: This is an Alternate Timeline Quest. People, Characters, and Organizations are altered following the butterfly. They may be similar to what we know, but they have all fallen victim to the beating wings.    ​

    [X] send a message asking for the Americans to please come pick up their boat.
    -[X] The nation's littering laws are currently not suitable for the situation at hand. Pass a new law to allow for a suitable littering fine.
    -[X] get a field hospital and field kitchen going to help the American sailors, issue orders to our people they they are NOT prisoners but dont let let them wander off.
    -[X] Talk to the embassies of the US and China while getting ahead of the media so that our story is the one that hits the news first. Both to make sure that there will be no problems with the Chinese government, and to get ahead of the capitalist propaganda sure to try to paint Guangcho in the worst light possible.
    -[X] set up an impromptu immigrations and customs post in case any sailors do want to leave and go into town or something.
    -[X] Extend a line of credit to the sailors for the duration of their stay. Bill their government the difference afterwards.

    [X] Perfectly Balanced
    Admiral Sam Nigel was, currently, not having the best time of his life. Nor was he having a reasonable time. In fact, if one were to closely look at how things were currently going on board the Iwo Jima Essex-class Carrier assigned to the Vietnamese War, they would realize two things.

    The first would be the odd realization that everything had a slight slant to the right, without any swaying correcting the angle to the left, before eternally swinging back and forth again.

    The second was that the slant was too big for an Essex-class Carrier traveling the seas and more in line with one sinking below the waves.

    He'd have preferred the sinking if Sam Nigel had had anything to say about his current situation.

    Mainly because he wouldn't have had to internalize the realization that, should he ever come back to the United States of America alive (Blessed by God and Freeest Country of the World), he'd do so as either a prisoner or slated for execution for treason.

    Or the most hated man in the entire Navy, primarily due to him beaching an entire Carrier on the soil of a communist nation.

    That the beaching had happened due to freak-malfunctions in several carrier systems, alongside a tsunami picking the Iwo Jima up and physically chucking her onto the beach played no role.

    Either way, his career within the Navy of the USA is officially over, with the only saving grace coming from the fact that injuries have been light and with no deaths among the crew. However, he was now facing the task of getting as many of his boys out alive as possible without starting another war that would draw in China and potentially the USSR. And Sam would, by God and the Flag, make sure that no decision was made without him having ordered it done. If not to fully shield those under his command, then to give them the option to point the finger at him when they'd all be tried once they got back.

    It didn't mean he couldn't get drunk. Something he was currently trying to do, having opened the whiskey he had saved for when they'd finally leave that blasted jungle hell-hole that styled itself a nation within a meeting of the top officers and captain of the Iwo Jima. It helped that he shared the booze with the others, who were equally as shocked as Sam.

    Several minutes passed after the last person had filed into the room, the only sounds being the slight creaking of the Carrier now semi-supporting its weight and the drinking of alcohol by men that prayed they had a very realistic dream. Of course, they weren't, but they could dream.

    "So," Sam began, setting down his glass with a *tink* onto the wooden table, looking into the round of eyes staring back at him. "How about we start by stating what we know about our situation? And how we got into this mess? Captain Markus, if you'd please enlighten us? You spent the last hour collecting all information we currently possess. Start with how we landed here."

    "Certainly," the American with Danish roots replied, his bass reverberating within the small room. He turned to look at his officers with a very sober expression for the usually relaxed and cheerful man. "Last night, several cascading failures in our instruments and main engine caused us to flounder on the open seas for several hours as our engineers tried to repair and figure out the issue. Unfortunately, however," the man spoke, taking a quick sip from his whiskey glass, "they did not manage to do so until well after we noticed our support fleet falling away from us."

    "At which point we realized that our radio was down and that we were sitting on top of a tsunami," Sam interjected, trying very hard to remain calm in the face of such sheer absurdity.

    "Yes," Captain Markus replied, nodding at the Admiral's words. "At which point we realized we were sitting on top of a tsunami, one that caused us to speed up, away from our support fleet, and which crashed us onto this island."

    "Which is Fairy Island," Sam spoke, his left eye twitching at the thought.

    "Which is Fairy Island," Markus echoed with a stony face.

    "Great, just... fucking great," Sam said, rubbing his brow. "And we are still alive. Do we know what the commies are currently doing, or when they will try to kill us all?"

    "Oliver," Markus said, nodding to the signals officer standing at the back of the room, causing the broad-shouldered black man to step forth.

    "Sir! According to SIGINT, the Guangchou Military is currently trying to get ahold of someone that has the authorization to deal with us. Additionally, scouts have been spotted in the nearby hills, though they have refused to come closer than two kilometers."

    Brows were furrowed at that, with some whispering starting from the lower ranks present.

    "So," Sam spoke, leaning back after taking another sip, regretting not swapping the whiskey for something stronger. "In short, the slit-eye pillow biters keep chucking us at their superiors while their scouts are shitting their pants."

    "Yes," Oliver spoke, nodding, before stepping back at a look from Captain Markus.

    "Well, it could be worse, I think. But, at the very least, they are giving us enough time to scuttle the planes and any information we have onboard." Sam Nigel said, sighing internally at the massive amount of money they were destroying. If only the Iwo Jima hadn't had faced a large hill; otherwise, they could have evacuated the planes with the pilots via air. "How is the effort prog-"

    The door to the conference room opened, allowing a red-headed sailor to step into the room, saluting crisply as all present looked at him. Commonly, the sailor would have eaten shit by twenty officers as he so brashly entered the room without any permission or invitation.

    However, the pieces of yolk, egg-white, and eggshells on his face and uniform gave everyone pause.

    "Sir, a native is demanding to speak with you regarding compensation for parking the carrier on top of his farm."
    Still, internally, swearing up a storm, Jungmin sat within his office, hair quickly washed to remove the bird poop. In one hand, he held a phone, swearing at the general on the other side to bring their units in position around the Carrier, in case the sailors would try to attack but keep them as far away as possible.

    He paused as the general reported an evolving situation and then shut his eyes, keeping himself from screaming into the speaker.

    Then he ordered the general to put the farmer into custody and release him on the other end of the island for endangering the whole nation by attacking the Americans with eggs of all things.

    After that, he looked up as someone knocked on his door, and Zhao Chin entered.
    "I WILL SUE YOU; I WILL SUE ALL OF YOU!!!" Wu Chuck yelled, both of his arms and legs held by a Guangchou soldier, physically being carried away from the Carrier. "YOU HEAR ME?! I WILL SU-" Wu Chuck continued to yell before a soldier 'accidentally' dropped him enough so that he hit his head against the ground, knocking the man out cold.

    A dozen meters behind him, Zu Chu felt like her heart was about to explode at the sheer stress she was under, especially after being ordered to detain the angry chicken farmer assaulting the American Carrier. Who in their right mind thinks that now is the best moment to press charges, especially as they were staring war in the face? Or throw eggs in their faces? (To be fair, she was impressed that the man had hit thirteen Americans in the face, what with them being so far up, but it was still an idiotic decision.)

    "Get the idiot out of here," she half-ordered to her boys, half-muttered to herself, walking after them. By Lenin, she needed a vacation. Preferably for the next decade. Or hazard pay, wouldn't that be nice?
    Onishi Uma had long since accepted that her position as Diplomat to the UN was more ceremonial than anything. Not only because her mother nation was not relevant to anyone other than China, Taiwan, and Japan, but also because she was the only woman representing a country. Still, it said something about representing your entire nation in the middle of New York, USA, as both a woman and as one married to another one!

    The looks from the other delegates from both the Middle East and America were always funny to behold when she mentioned her wife. Also, the occasional protests were hilarious because the Police and Security Officers had to protect both of them, which didn't make anyone in this backward, ignorant nation any happier.

    It did, however, allow Onishi to speak with what reporters were willing to listen about the repression and danger to freedoms that America was practicing and enabling. A certain Irony was there, though she couldn't quite place her finger on what.

    However, at this moment, she was not amused in the slightest. Not even a little bit. She was so unamused that she didn't even perform her customary insult against the Japanese Flag as she passed it, giving the design stealing cucks the proper amount of respect they deserved.

    The reason was evident, as she had received a call straight from Jungmin himself, notifying her about a situation at home. One that could, and would if she didn't hurry, end in war with the United States of (North-Middle) America.

    An Aircraft Carrier had beached on Guangchou, and its escort fleet had entered sovereign waters, barely being kept away by the Chinese Fleets sprinting to answer their aggression.

    And so, she was here, racing across this enlightened institution that attempted to broker peace on a world deeply divided in two, to reach her American Counterpart.

    Mainly because there was no American Embassy in Guangchou, and the Chinese Ambassador had dropped horrific news on Jungmin and he on her. These talks could very well decide the fate of her nation and perhaps the world. China may have declared against the First Use of Nuclear Weaponry a scant seven years earlier, but the USSR hadn't, and they would not be amused at any invasion of a Communist Nation.

    It only took her another twenty minutes to locate Wallis Smith, the American Delegate to the UN, after asking several aides, finding him in an unused meeting room, having finished a phone call with his family on the east coast.

    And in that room, confronting a man that thought her a deviant whore, and had discarded all of her speeches with barely any mental effort, he did something unprecedented. Something that would forever change the world's fate and be subject to many dissertations in the future by political students too haughty to realize they understood nothing about what they were writing.

    All because he was drunk, he did something he had never done in his adult life: listen to a woman's words, and take them seriously.
    "Mao is dead," Jungmin whispered, too shocked to comprehend the words coming from Zhao Chin after the fact. "Oh shit..." he continued to inaudibly voice, his mind racing a million kilometers a minute, all possible events and every single worry magnifying themselves a trillion-fold.

    Standing up, Jungmin slowly walked to the windows shining their swaths of natural light into his office; the kept plants on the balcony offered little enjoyment with their brightly colored petals and green health. The sounds of Zhao Chin's useless talking had stopped, waiting for the young man before him to speak up.

    And then, Jungmin began to chuckle.

    Like the sea-serpents of old legends, the heads of all nations would, soon, face Guangchou, all the while their greatest shield was too busy devouring itself in a cannibalistic frenzy. And like the hero of old, Guangchou could very well be forced to commit to an unholy alliance, seeking mercy and strength from the Russian Butchers or the American Oligarchs.

    Jungmin chuckle slowly became full laughter.

    Bo Ni and Ma Li had just learned to apeak their first words, and he had three more children on the way. And they could die, by his actions, or because nature had thrown the Carrier onto the island. More would die when the bombs would fall, and the world broke in nuclear fire, with the shattered and failing states of the globe clawing for supremacy over the ashes. And Guangchou would stand in the middle, forever cursed as the one nation that caused so much death and destruction, upon whose shoulders all the future genocides, massacres, and atrocities would stand.

    Jungmins' laughter became unhinged, like the laughter of a man who had lost too much, one whose future rested in cold, callous, and hateful hands. Like a madman that had nothing to lose, as fate would take everything anyways.

    His fist smashed against the window, cracking but not shattering the pane, as his laughter stopped. Then, slowly, he turned his head, staring at a scared and intimidated Zhao, an intensity in his eyes that caused the older man to flinch in fear.

    "Leave" was all the Great Leader Wei Jungmin had to say for the Chinese Ambassador to flee his office.

    One breath came into Jungmin's lungs, his swirling mind slowly settling.

    A breath left, and his feet took him back to his desk.

    One breath in and several papers were taken from their place, a pen of ink within his left hand, ready to write.

    A breath out, and he began to write up a political fiction that would rival America being the Land of the Free, instead of The Nation of Blood and Tears as the Germans said.
    Gerald Ford had had a dream.

    One he had taken from Martin Luther King Jr as he had spoken to the American Nation. It was a dream of a future where people were equal, where it did not matter what race you were, as all were heir to the Declaration. One where Justice would wield the scale and sword in blind might, uncaring of wealth or bribe, her sentences fair and just to one and all. It is a dream to see America become the nation it was destined to be, no matter the cost, be it the uncomfortable acceptance of the atrocities in their past or the horrors they committed today.

    Politics murdered that dream faster than the Lilac-Red Scare some decade past had done.

    He still remembered reading about the hanging of entire families, how seven men were sentenced to death by a court for defending themselves and others from white rioters, looters, and rapists. The ignorance and dismissals of the Senate, even as Kenedy had been shot by Klan. And the pity and horror from Europe going their way as the German Spiegel published a special edition on America titled The Land of Bood and Tears, ripping the veneer of righteousness off to reveal the festering hatred and corruption underneath.

    Yet, yet! Yet he had still worked for that dream, the last part of his idealism that still hung onto the dream refusing to give up, arguing that inaction was why the nation was as it was. For Evil to win, Good only to do nothing.

    But now, sitting amidst his Cabinet, staring with Kissinger, Simon, Coleman (first black man in office, and a nomination that had caused dozens of protests across the nation), and the others, at James R. Schlesinger, he felt that last bit die screaming.

    "We lost a Carrier," Coleman whispered into the room, the horror within his voice like a bullet to the silence as Schlesinger tried to look in control. "How could that happen? That is... how?" He continued, leaning back in his chair as the others tried to wrap their heads around the very concept of losing an Aircraft Carrier to an actual Act of God.

    "We have, as of this moment," Schlesinger spoke, quickly adding the last part, "little information about how such an event could happen, but be assured that I have my best people-"

    "I don't care about that," Kissinger interrupted, leaning forward with a furrowed brow, staring Schlesinger in the eyes. "What about our sailors? Have they been taken prisoner or already killed? And what about our naval assets if we need to free them forcefully?"

    "More importantly," Ford said, his mind racing through all the possibilities and worst-case scenarios that could currently happen. "How are Guangchou, China, and the USSR reacting to... this? One of our Carriers just beached itself on their territory; I can't imagine they aren't doing anything. Have you seen any movements of nuclear weapons or troops?"

    At that, Schlesinger seemed to become more nervous, forcefully suppressing the slight fidgeting he had had since the start of the meeting. "Our USSR Section reports no indications that they know what happened. Our Chinese Assets had notified us several minutes before the situation developed of political turmoil and unrest within their leadership. Regardless, they assured us that it is related to internal struggles and not the Crisis. We are confident that the only people aware of the situation are the nearby Chinese Fleets currently en-route to the beached Carrier and Guangchou itself."

    Seconds passed as the men in the room slowly digested the news before Ford stopped, suspicion rearing its head within his mind. "What is Guangchou doing?"

    "Sir?" Schlesinger asked, trying to appear unconcerned.

    "You said that the USSR is unaware of what is happening and that China is too busy dealing with itself. So, what is the damned Chinese Shield doing at the moment?" Ford asked once more, forcefully.

    Schlesinger paused for several moments, struggling and debating with himself about how much he had to reveal before the increasingly suspicious glares in the room became too hostile for him to hide anything if he wanted to have any career after this meeting. "At the moment, we have no idea what is happening in Guangchou," he eventually admitted, much to the surprise and confusion of the Cabinet and President.

    "What the hell do you mean, you don't know? Don't you have any assets within that nation, or even listening posts aimed at them?"

    "Yes, we have the latter," Schlesinger acceded, "but the first has proven uncharacteristically tricky. Additionally, most of the personnel tasked with keeping an eye on Guangchou have been moved away in the last years by my predecessors, shrinking the section to only twenty people. Even though the section has recently rung the bells."

    "Are you saying that we have American Sailors stranded in a Communist Nation with no eyes, ears, or hands to ensure they are unharmed or can be freed?!" Ford spoke, baffled by the words the Director of the CIA had just said. Then he paused, mentally reviewing what the man had just said. "What do you mean, 'Rung The Bells'? Director, why is a section of the CIA concerned enough to alert you?"

    Schlesinger paused, then swore at himself, resolving to stop saying anything but the most necessary answer. "The lead Agent of the Section, Agent Goose, his real last name, has given me reason to suspect that an Act of God has not caused the incident but deliberate enemy action. Most notably, not due to infiltration, but by using a new weapon that can disable or distort our equipment. A theory that may be proven by one of our Blackbirds suffering localized equipment failure while overflying the island."
    If there was one thing Lars had never thought he would ever see, it was one of his brothers, staring at him, with several confused sailors staring at him while the two of them were standing before a beached Aircraft Carrier.

    With Lars coordinating aid efforts to give the stranded Sailors the food and medicine they, presumably, would soon lack while also setting up an impromptu immigration and customs post offering credit if they wanted to buy something in the city.

    Mainly because Wei Jungmin had practically screamed at everyone that the sailors were here on shore-leave and are not to be treated as prisoners to keep the Americans from invading.

    All the while, the Department of Propaganda stood in the background, cranking out the truth to keep their story the one in everyone's mind.

    Or, to say it short, Lars had never thought he'd see his family again after transitioning to a man.

    But here they were.
    Meanwhile, in New York:
    "-and it is with that, that the Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth holds the Sailors of the Aircraft Carrier Iwo Jima of the United States of America in contempt of littering Industrial Quantities of Obsolete Military Materials while on shore-leave. We hereby issue a formal complaint against the American Navy and American Government for their soldier's actions and the check for cleaning up the mess they made. Thank you for your attention."

    Then all hell broke loose.
    [] (What now?)
     
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    • You know, all I can think about is Wu Chuck losing his Geese, and trying to get the navy to pay for damadges.

    And I feel sad.

    Oh... Oh...

    Welp, I am about to write some Contelpro boys doing some jack booty on those Klan basterds!

    Because for once, let the FBI bully some people who actually deserve it.

    Also @HeroCooky is... is Bobby Kennedy still alive, or is he still assassinated in 68?
     
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    We need to hold our ground on the fines, but find a way to reassure people...

    [] Make it clear that you do not have any sort of carrier destroying superweapon. "However, as the light of the People and one of the Hopes for World Revolution, it is our position that should it be required Comrade Wei would be justified in using any superweapon, giant laser, or secretive frequency that causes one's bowls to explode that he may or may not have, whenever he wants, for the security of the nation."

    (This is a joke. But the idea of, "Yeah, we didn't do it, but if we did we'd be justified" is pretty funny.)
     
    [] Firmly deny that you have any access to ground-to-air lasers, frequencies which can be used to destroy the bowels of those who hear it, top-secret weapons projects capable of destroying electronic equipment, secret sleeper codes capable of activating secret agents. Make it clear that if you had any of those things, listing all of them again, Comrade Wei would be fully justified in using them in the event of the defense of the nation or the global Proletarian revolution. But under no circumstances did you have or use... list all of the possibilities in order at this point. Any accusation that you have ground-to-air lasers, bowel-destroying frequencies, electronics destroying top-secret weapons or secretive hypnotic sleeper codes is a dirty lie!
     
    HeroCooky said:
    "Sir, a native is demanding to speak with you regarding compensation for parking the carrier on top of his farm."
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    That Will never not be Funny and I applaud you for making it.
    HeroCooky said:
    "Mao is dead,"
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    That will never NOT be Good news to Cyber!

    Hope hell is NICE AND WARM!:V
    HeroCooky said:
    The Land of Bood and Tears, ripping the veneer of righteousness off to reveal the festering hatred and corruption underneath.
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    Oof, the Seasaw Seventies might have just become the American Troubles.

    Hot damn...its getting worse. Surely it can't be-
    HeroCooky said:
    Welp, Klan bombed him and killed 30+ other people. In 1973.
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    FORD :FBI kill them all and Let GOD SORT THEM OUT!

    FBI: Sir...the backlash from the South, they might start killing Federal Marshals.

    Ford: We both Know they already are...now get me a case against them and start doing your damn jobs!
     
    Since Ford is POTUS, does that mean that Tricky Dick still went on his totally-not-illegal shenanigans and resigned to escape the consequences when he got caught? Did he still get pardoned by Ford? And did he still utilize the Southern Strategy in the 1968 election?
     
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    [] Make it clear that you wish a peaceful resolution if possible and are going to return the carrier... if they pay the fine to help compensate for it and for all the work it would take to dislodge and refloat it.
    [] "We have heard rumors that The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth is claimed to have had ground-to-air lasers, bowel destroying frequencies, secret sleeper codes using the modern psychological techniques of hypnosis to activate secret agents, or secret weapons projects capable of destroying electronic equipment. All of these rumors are entirely false, and we have not used any such ground-to-air laser, bowel-destroying frequency, hypnotic sleeper code or secret weapons capable of destroying or scrambling electronic equipment. Comrade Wei, the Light of the Proletariat itself, would of course be fully justified in using any such hypothetical ground-to-air laser, bowel destroying frequency, hypnotic sleeper code or electronics scrambling weapon, if he had access to any of them, as he does not, as he sees fit to do with the consent of the People for the furthering of International Proletarian Revolution. However, while justified in using ground-to-air lasers, bowel destroying frequencies, hypnotic sleeper code, and electronics scrambling superweapons, he has not done so and any such accusations are base slander!"
    [] You will not be taking questions at this time.
    [] Have a neutral country... I dunno, like the Swiss, be an observer as work begins on refloating and hauling away this piece of refuse.
     
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    []To ensure no funny business occurs, invite observers from Neutral Countries that also have good relations with America to reassure everyone that no one is being held prisoner, but also that we want that god damn pile of metal gone, now. The Irish, perhaps, since they like being diplomatic and are generally anti war.
    -Suggest that Tugs are sent to pull it back out to sea, but kindly respect our sovereign waters and keep military ships out of our territory.
     
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    The Laurent said:
    [] Firmly deny that you have any access to ground-to-air lasers, frequencies which can be used to destroy the bowels of those who hear it, top-secret weapons projects capable of destroying electronic equipment, secret sleeper codes capable of activating secret agents. Make it clear that if you had any of those things, listing all of them again, Comrade Wei would be fully justified in using them in the event of the defense of the nation or the global Proletarian revolution. But under no circumstances did you have or use... list all of the possibilities in order at this point. Any accusation that you have ground-to-air lasers, bowel-destroying frequencies, electronics destroying top-secret weapons or secretive hypnotic sleeper codes is a dirty lie!
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    And now, an address from (stifled sigh) The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth.

    "The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth, categorically denies possession or research of top-secret projects such as ground-to-air LASER projectors, anti-electronics weapons systems, backpack or briefcase nuclear devices, long-ranged ballistic nuclear missiles, RADAR-invisible stealth bombers, sonic weaponry capable of incapacitating or killing entire formations, subsonic ice bullets, gene-tailored bioweaponry, self-replicating war robots, mind-scanning technology, or advanced brainwashing techniques capable of producing unknowing sleeper agents that can be easily activated by innocuous codewords.

    "Of course, if The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth did have such top-secret projects as ground-to-air LASER projectors, anti-electronics weapons systems, backpack or briefcase nuclear devices, long-ranged ballistic nuclear missiles, RADAR-invisible stealth bombers, sonic weaponry capable of incapacitating or killing entire formations, subsonic ice bullets, gene-tailored bioweaponry, self-replicating war robots, mind-scanning technology, or advanced brainwashing techniques capable of producing unknowing sleeper agents that can be easily activated by innocuous codewords, Comrade Wei would be absolutely justified in using them, as a solemnly considered last resort, in defence of the proletarian revolution or The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth.

    "Nonetheless, hypothetical scenarios aside, The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth absolutely does not possess and is absolutely not researching any top-secret project such as ground-to-air LASER projectors, anti-electronics weapons systems, backpack or briefcase nuclear devices, long-ranged ballistic nuclear missiles, RADAR-invisible stealth bombers, sonic weaponry capable of incapacitating or killing entire formations, subsonic ice bullets, gene-tailored bioweaponry, self-replicating war robots, mind-scanning technology, or advanced brainwashing techniques capable of producing unknowing sleeper agents that can be easily activated by innocuous codewords. Any suggestion that The Most Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Guangchou, Light of All Nations, Defender of Humanity, and Paradise on Earth possesses or is researching any top-secret project such as ground-to-air LASER projectors, anti-electronics weapons systems, backpack or briefcase nuclear devices, long-ranged ballistic nuclear missiles, RADAR-invisible stealth bombers, sonic weaponry capable of incapacitating or killing entire formations, subsonic ice bullets, gene-tailored bioweaponry, self-replicating war robots, mind-scanning technology, or advanced brainwashing techniques capable of producing unknowing sleeper agents that can be easily activated by innocuous codewords is an unfounded and insulting accusation!"
     
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    Ireland is better for several reasons. For one, it's English speaking, so there's very few chances of translation fuck ups between the three parties, it has no real military, but has a history of participating in every single UN peace keeping mission. There is also a large and politically powerful Irish American contingent which would probably be far more willing to listen to the Irish telling them that things are looking good, rather than the Swiss, who, despite their supposed neutrality, are quite happy to do anything other than participate in wars for money, up to and including holding on to Nazi Gold taken from murdered Jews.
     
    [] Make it clear that you wish a peaceful resolution if possible and are going to return the carrier... if they pay the fine to help compensate for it and for all the work it would take to dislodge and refloat it.
    [] Reach out to USSR. Try and get them to support peaceful resolution of the conflict. Bring up that the death of Mao means that the US might have the perfect opportunity to secure Taiwan by 'democratizing' your nation. Also bring up that the US could use this moment to try and interfere in internal Chinese affairs to seat someone more friendly to the US (or at least more antagonistic to USSR). Impress upon them that the quick and peaceful resolution of this crisis is in their benefit, as the more time the carrier spends on our island, the more time the US and their spies will have to scheme and try and weaken the local communist governments
    [] To ensure no funny business occurs, invite observers from all countries that are part of the non-aligned movement (including Cuba) to actually ensure that no one is being held prisoner, but also that we want that god damn pile of metal gone, now.
    - have USSR push for cuban involvement as leader of the non-aligned movement observers. Later on, as part of further concessions, this term can be dropped, and a representative from a more favorable country (to the US) can 'lead' the observers from the non-aligned movement countries.
    -Suggest that they send tugs to pull it back out to sea, but kindly respect our sovereign waters and keep their military ships out of our territory.

    edit: So, we have the non-aligned countries right there. I understand the desire to use a western country more, but there absolutely will be more of a culture clash as well. By making the observers be from the non-aligned movement, we strengthen that movement, while also pulling from a culturally diverse set of countries that absolutely will understand another nation that doesn't fit the western cultural norms
     
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