If I made a Patreon, would you subscribe to it? (Not locking anything behind it like EX Chapters)

  • Yes.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Maybe.

    Votes: 4 28.6%
  • No.

    Votes: 3 21.4%
  • I have no money (me too tbh).

    Votes: 7 50.0%

  • Total voters
    14
Voting is open
951: Slip Of The Tongue. (GM WAS CONFUSED AND TIRED)
[X] "If you die, I'll kill you myself."

"Well, for starters, don't waste that life." You place a hand on Kyoko's shoulder, "Otherwise, what was all of that even for?"

Kyoko stares at you, "Wasn't planning on it." She replies completely deadpan.

"On a bit more of a serious note, you can help me keep the rest of them safe." You tell her calmly, "Kyubey's already dropped a Witch off at Yuma's school because I didn't do what he wanted, and in all likelihood, the only way I won't be doing things that piss Kyubey off is if things go completely south before I get the chance. And when I do, I imagine he'll go after my loved ones again as if that'll somehow make me more docile or whatever. Instead of, y'know, having me screw him over out of pure spite."

"...What?" Kyoko mutters.

"Yeah, kinda makes you wonder how Kyubey lasted so long without someone Wishing for it to have a true sense of guilt for its actions, huh?" You turn to look at Kyoko...

...Who is just staring at you in complete disbelief. "Kyubey made a Witch at Yuma's school?" She asks, not breaking eye contact, "Witches come from him?!"

...Whoops.

"He grants Wishes, he makes Magical Girls, and he creates Witches?!" Kyoko grabs you by the shoulders, "Yumi, start fucking explaining right now!!"

[] ????????????????????????????
 
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I'm surprised Kyoko jumped to that conclusion, actually. I thought most Meguca knew that Grief Seeds could re-hatch into Witches- I thought she'd leap to assuming Kyubey planted one.
 
things go completely south before i get the chance.
"I"

...Who is just staring at you in complete disbelief. "Kyubey made a Witch at Yuma's school?" She asks, not breaking eye contact, "Witches come from him?!"
Oh, for-

[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day and you didn't jump to that conclusion then, so why are you jumping to it now?"

For reference, this is when we told Kyoko about it the first time;
"Right. The second task I'd have you do is to keep an eye on Yuma's school when you have free time." You tell her, "Kyubey dropped a Witch on her the other day, and I--?"

"Kyubey did what?" Kyoko growls.

"He put a Witch in Yuma's lap." You reiterate, "She told me that herself."
 
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[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day, when I asked you to help with the Grief Converter?"
-[X] Groan, you forgot she wasn't fully read in yet -- it's been stressful lately, alright?! "...okay first of all: The Grief this knowledge causes... it may completely flood most Magical Girls' gems in seconds. Do not tell Mami about this. I'm terrified it will BREAK HER. I'm not sure how much of it you already know and will just be an annoying review?"
-[X] "...Witches were once Magical Girls, whose very-literal-Soul Gems filled with Grief. Until very recently, there was no known way to reverse this, and Kyubey doesn't like it being reversed. Probably because it deprives it of filled Grief Seeds it can leave to hatch back into their full Witch state, or take as some kind of fucked-up battery."
-[X] "I don't know exactly how long they've been here, doing this, but they've been gathering Grief Seeds to store to last out the heat death of the universe as long as possible. Which isn't exactly an issue they... it... whatever, have in the short-term," growl and wave a hand in sharp frustration, "since -- oh yeah, btw," you spell the acronym out, "the universe itself is fucking falling apart, letting a ton of demons in and everything. Still don't have a lot of leads on that problem."
-[X] "I'm looking for a long-term solution which, hopefully, means the Incubators see no need to use us as a damn energy farm... or a need to remove humanity from the board, for that matter. We managed to convince it to let my family and I try to handle the demon issue, and prove treating others as equals instead of cattle is a better option."

...Kyoko's going to pop off when she realizes she wasn't even going to have the dignity of dying, as meguca, isn't she.
 
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[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day and you didn't jump to that conclusion then, so why are you jumping to it now?"
 
[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day, when I asked you to help with the Grief Converter?"
-[X] Groan, you forgot she wasn't fully read in yet -- it's been stressful lately, alright?! "...okay first of all: The Grief this knowledge causes... it may completely flood most Magical Girls' gems in seconds. Do not tell Mami about this. I'm terrified it will BREAK HER. I'm not sure how much of it you already know and will just be an annoying review?"
-[X] "...Witches were once Magical Girls, whose very-literal-Soul Gems filled with Grief. Until very recently, there was no known way to reverse this, and Kyubey doesn't like it being reversed. Probably because it deprives it of filled Grief Seeds it can leave to hatch back into their full Witch state, or take as some kind of fucked-up battery."
-[X] "I don't know exactly how long they've been here, doing this, but they've been gathering Grief Seeds to store to last out the heat death of the universe as long as possible. Which isn't exactly an issue they... it... whatever, have in the short-term," growl and wave a hand in sharp frustration, "since -- oh yeah, btw," you spell the acronym out, "the universe itself is fucking falling apart, letting a ton of demons in and everything. Still don't have a lot of leads on that problem."
-[X] "I'm looking for a long-term solution which, hopefully, means the Incubators see no need to use us as a damn energy farm... or a need to remove humanity from the board, for that matter. We managed to convince it to let my family and I try to handle the demon issue, and prove treating others as equals instead of cattle is a better option."
 
[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day, when I asked you to help with the Grief Converter?"
-[X] Groan, you forgot she wasn't fully read in yet -- it's been stressful lately, alright?! "...okay first of all: The Grief this knowledge causes... it may completely flood most Magical Girls' gems in seconds. Do not tell Mami about this. I'm terrified it will BREAK HER. I'm not sure how much of it you already know and will just be an annoying review?"
-[X] "...Witches were once Magical Girls, whose very-literal-Soul Gems filled with Grief. Until very recently, there was no known way to reverse this, and Kyubey doesn't like it being reversed. Probably because it deprives it of filled Grief Seeds it can leave to hatch back into their full Witch state, or take as some kind of fucked-up battery."
-[X] "I don't know exactly how long they've been here, doing this, but they've been gathering Grief Seeds to store to last out the heat death of the universe as long as possible. Which isn't exactly an issue they... it... whatever, have in the short-term," growl and wave a hand in sharp frustration, "since -- oh yeah, btw," you spell the acronym out, "the universe itself is fucking falling apart, letting a ton of demons in and everything. Still don't have a lot of leads on that problem."
-[X] "I'm looking for a long-term solution which, hopefully, means the Incubators see no need to use us as a damn energy farm... or a need to remove humanity from the board, for that matter. We managed to convince it to let my family and I try to handle the demon issue, and prove treating others as equals instead of cattle is a better option."

It's got all the stuff I was gonna put in my own vote.

Also, I think just leaving it at "why did you just now jump to that conclusion" is the wrong thing to do. Because if we left it there, then when the truth does come out, and it will, it would look like we were trying to hide it from her
 
Frankly, my issue with this update is that nothing new has been conveyed to Kyoko for her to draw this conclusion from. We just reiterated literally the exact same thing we told her two or three days ago, she has received no new information regarding the MG System since that time, there is no in-universe reason for her to be having this revelation now when she didn't before. This reeks of the QM forgetting like when Raido suddenly went from never having heard of the Disciples to having been on their trail for years in the space of two days.
 
Frankly, my issue with this update is that nothing new has been conveyed to Kyoko for her to draw this conclusion from. We just reiterated literally the exact same thing we told her two or three days ago, she has received no new information regarding the MG System since that time, there is no in-universe reason for her to be having this revelation now when she didn't before. This reeks of the QM forgetting like when Raido suddenly went from never having heard of the Disciples to having been on their trail for years in the space of two days.
That Raido thing is actually really fair, but I actually have a reason as to why Kyoko is making a big huff about it now.

Before this, Kyoko just thought that Kyubey lured a Witch over to Yuma, which is scummy in its own right, but didn't really explain where Witches came from. Yumi, in this particular interaction, said that he "dropped the Witch off at Yuma's school", implying that he has a hand in not only replacing Grief Seeds, but also in the creation of Witches as a whole.

I don't exactly have a good "band-aid" solution for either of these (my brain goes smooth when my memory is concerned), but I would like to hear how you guys would fix/change these moments. It's your story, after all, I'm just trying to tell it. I value everybody's feedback regarding issues like these.

Sorry for the inconvenience, and I hope that these things don't take away from the enjoyment of the quest overall.

PS: JAGwin, thanks for everything you've done for this quest. You're more perceptive than I am (more often than not). I may be stupid sometimes, I may get confused a lot, but thank you. I mean it.
 
[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day, when I asked you to help with the Grief Converter?"
-[X] Groan, you forgot she wasn't fully read in yet -- it's been stressful lately, alright?! "...okay first of all: The Grief this knowledge causes... it may completely flood most Magical Girls' gems in seconds. Do not tell Mami about this. I'm terrified it will BREAK HER. I'm not sure how much of it you already know and will just be an annoying review?"
-[X] "...Witches were once Magical Girls, whose very-literal-Soul Gems filled with Grief. Until very recently, there was no known way to reverse this, and Kyubey doesn't like it being reversed. Probably because it deprives it of filled Grief Seeds it can leave to hatch back into their full Witch state, or take as some kind of fucked-up battery."
-[X] "I don't know exactly how long they've been here, doing this, but they've been gathering Grief Seeds to store to last out the heat death of the universe as long as possible. Which isn't exactly an issue they... it... whatever, have in the short-term," growl and wave a hand in sharp frustration, "since -- oh yeah, btw," you spell the acronym out, "the universe itself is fucking falling apart, letting a ton of demons in and everything. Still don't have a lot of leads on that problem."
-[X] "I'm looking for a long-term solution which, hopefully, means the Incubators see no need to use us as a damn energy farm... or a need to remove humanity from the board, for that matter. We managed to convince it to let my family and I try to handle the demon issue, and prove treating others as equals instead of cattle is a better option."

Now aren't you glad you aren't a Magical Girl anymore with this new info Kyoko?
 
Now aren't you glad you aren't a Magical Girl anymore with this new info Kyoko?
Knowing Kyoko, she's gonna push us to get Mami which we can't yet. Not really unless people are just going to undo all our progress with Kyubey's little experiment which is honestly further than ai though we would get.

I did not want to do this now at all.
 
Yumi, in this particular interaction, said that he "dropped the Witch off at Yuma's school", implying that he has a hand in not only replacing Grief Seeds, but also in the creation of Witches as a whole.
How in the HELL does Yumi's barely-changed wording imply that when it didn't before!? As far as I can tell, she said the same thing with a very slight difference in wording that creates no meaningful change in what is conveyed, so there is no reasonable explanation for Kyoko to draw such a wildly different conclusion from Yumi telling her the same thing with no additional information.

I don't exactly have a good "band-aid" solution for either of these (my brain goes smooth when my memory is concerned), but I would like to hear how you guys would fix/change these moments. It's your story, after all, I'm just trying to tell it. I value everybody's feedback regarding issues like these.
Regarding this specific scene, I would go back and redo the freaking update so that Kyoko actually responds in a sensible way to being told something she already knows. As to preventing stuff like this in the future, I strongly recommend taking notes if you aren't already and taking more detailed ones if you are.

EDIT: If you must keep Kyoko asking uncomfortable questions here, have it be over what Yumi said afterwards about Kyubey believing this would get her to do what he wanted and that she's probably going to provoke him again, since those aren't things we told her before as far as I can remember. Make the question something to the effect of "what aren't you telling me?".

EDIT2: As an explanation of my thought process on that, Yumi just told her that Kyubey targeted Yuma's life in an attempt to get Yumi to cooperate with him and that she'll probably do something to make him do something like that again. This tells Kyoko that Yumi knows something that she doesn't, because why would Yumi knowingly take that risk? And for that matter, what could be so important to Kyubey that he starts actively trying to get people killed in order to make someone else comply with his demands, something which goes completely against his MO as far as she knows?
 
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To put things simply, Kyoko isn't dumb JAG.

We gave her enough information to put the pieces together, and enough time to find stuff that we didn't see that would lead her to this conclusion. She has a life outside of us you know!
 
[X] *sigh* "Kyoko, I already told you about this the other day, when I asked you to help with the Grief Converter?"
-[X] Groan, you forgot she wasn't fully read in yet -- it's been stressful lately, alright?! "...okay first of all: The Grief this knowledge causes... it may completely flood most Magical Girls' gems in seconds. Do not tell Mami about this. I'm terrified it will BREAK HER. I'm not sure how much of it you already know and will just be an annoying review?"
-[X] "...Witches were once Magical Girls, whose very-literal-Soul Gems filled with Grief. Until very recently, there was no known way to reverse this, and Kyubey doesn't like it being reversed. Probably because it deprives it of filled Grief Seeds it can leave to hatch back into their full Witch state, or take as some kind of fucked-up battery."
-[X] "I don't know exactly how long they've been here, doing this, but they've been gathering Grief Seeds to store to last out the heat death of the universe as long as possible. Which isn't exactly an issue they... it... whatever, have in the short-term," growl and wave a hand in sharp frustration, "since -- oh yeah, btw," you spell the acronym out, "the universe itself is fucking falling apart, letting a ton of demons in and everything. Still don't have a lot of leads on that problem."
-[X] "I'm looking for a long-term solution which, hopefully, means the Incubators see no need to use us as a damn energy farm... or a need to remove humanity from the board, for that matter. We managed to convince it to let my family and I try to handle the demon issue, and prove treating others as equals instead of cattle is a better option."

And Mami is still in the dark. Not much we can't do without breaking her though.
 
We gave her enough information to put the pieces together
We gave her no new information on that front in this update, so if what we've told her was enough for her to work this out it should've happened hundreds of updates ago.

enough time to find stuff that we didn't see that would lead her to this conclusion.
When? In case you haven't noticed, Kyoko is the canon character who is around Yumi most often, and the times when she is not around, we have a general idea of what she's doing.

More to the point, my issue is that Kyoko is having this revelation in response to us telling her something we already told her before. There was only a minor change in the wording which should not have made any meaningful difference.

Compare;
"Right. The second task I'd have you do is to keep an eye on Yuma's school when you have free time." You tell her, "Kyubey dropped a Witch on her the other day, and I--?"

"Kyubey did what?" Kyoko growls.

"He put a Witch in Yuma's lap." You reiterate, "She told me that herself."
"On a bit more of a serious note, you can help me keep the rest of them safe." You tell her calmly, "Kyubey's already dropped a Witch off at Yuma's school because I didn't do what he wanted, and in all likelihood, the only way I won't be doing things that piss Kyubey off is if things go completely south before I get the chance. And when I do, I imagine he'll go after my loved ones again as if that'll somehow make me more docile or whatever. Instead of, y'know, having me screw him over out of pure spite."
It does not take a genius to work out that Kyubey dropped the Witch on Yuma while she was at school when going by just the first statement, and the second statement only changes the wording, not what she's actually telling her. There is no meaningful difference here, at all.
 
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951: Retreading
[R] "If you die, I'll kill you myself."

"Well, for starters, don't waste that life." You place a hand on Kyoko's shoulder, "Otherwise, what was all of that even for?"

Kyoko stares at you, "Wasn't planning on it." She replies completely deadpan.

"On a bit more of a serious note, you can help me keep the rest of them safe." You tell her calmly, "Kyubey's already dropped a Witch off at Yuma's school because I didn't do what he wanted, and in all likelihood, the only way I won't be doing things that piss Kyubey off is if things go completely south before I get the chance. And when I do, I imagine he'll go after my loved ones again as if that'll somehow make me more docile or whatever. Instead of, y'know, having me screw him over out of pure spite."

Kyoko looks down at the ground, but not in guilt or sadness. She seems to be thinking about something.

"Yeah, kinda makes you wonder how Kyubey lasted so long without someone Wishing for it to have a true sense of guilt for its actions, huh?" You turn to look at Kyoko...

...Who finally looks back up at you with a mixture of unease and caution. "Y'know, now that I've actually had the time to think about it..." Kyoko begins, "...How did Kyubey get a Witch to attack Yuma? He doesn't control them, right? Did he, like, lure a Witch onto her lap or something?"

"I... Never really thought about it." You reply, the gears now turning in your mind as well.

"...Wait." Kyoko snaps to attention, "I used to give Kyubey spent Grief Seeds when I was done with 'em. You get a Grief Seed when you kill a Witch, but why? What happens if you keep using a Grief Seed when you don't hand it off to Kyubey?"

"That's actually a good question." You cross your arms, "Maybe..."

(LUK ROLL: 20+2)
OOC: I just woke up, Yumi Dice. Please.

"...That's what's left of the Witch?" You offer, vaguely confident in your answer, "And if you give too much Grief to the Seed, it'll regenerate?" While you're acutely aware of the relationship between Magical Girls and Witches, you still aren't 100% sure. This is magic, after all.

"But that doesn't explain why he wants them..." Kyoko begins bouncing her leg, "We're missing something, aren't we? Why would Kyubey want something as volatile as a Witch so close to him? Is there something you know that I don't?" She isn't accusatory, she just offers the idea.

But, given what you know, it seems incredibly on-the-nose.

[] ?????????????????????????????????

OOC: Sorry about the previous 951. I guess I was more tired than I thought. I hope that this iteration of the update is better for everyone.
 
[X] Plan, new chap new vote
-[X] "From what the rat's said, the process that make Witches creates more energy than goes into it, and he's using it to 'counter entropy.' Which is why he's even here contracting girls in the first place."
-[X] If she presses on how Witches are made, check to see if anyone is listening in. If no one you don't want finding out is: "It's generally kept a secret because some MG absolutely loose it when they find out, sometimes even killing their friends. And before you get mad, Mami is the one Homura and Oriko consider to be at risk. Because Witches are born when a Magical Girl's Soul Gem goes completely black, which until recently was considered something that couldn't be undone once you passed the point of no return. Something you've witnessed even if you didn't realize at the time."
--[X] If someone you don't want finding out is: get them to disperse first.
 
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No one else is listening in, right? Should probably make sure of that first before divulging anything major.
 
No one else is listening in, right? Should probably make sure of that first before divulging anything major.
I doubt it'll happen, but how do these edits sound:
If she presses on how Witches are made, check to see if anyone is listening in. If no one you don't want finding out is: "

--[X] If someone you don't want finding out is: get them to disperse first.
 
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