A Phantom of Sorrow
Location: Motherbase Medical Ward; Long Term Patient Care
Group: Paz's Visitors
POV: Venom Snake
It's almost like you never even left that hospital. If you close your eye, if you let the sounds and the smells fill your senses, you wouldn't be surprised at all if Ishmael called out to you moments later. But Ishmael is gone, dead or missing, and you did leave that burning hospital behind. Miller and Ocelot fan out behind you and together you approach an old friend you haven't seen in close to a decade.
As you sit in the chair waiting for you next to her bed, as you hold a hand you haven't touched in many years, as you look at a face you haven't seen in so long, you can barely even believe it's
her.
It is her though, you can see it, even with the wasting away that comes with being stationary for so long.
You
hate it.
Paz was trying to save your life when she tried to jump out of that chopper, she chose to sell out Cipher to Skullface in order to get him to spare your life, she spared Chico when he discovered her modifying ZEKE despite having every chance to kill him, her own private tapes told the story of how her loyalty to Cipher waved as her bonds with Militaires Sans Frontieres grew.
Paz was, no
IS, one of yours. She's a believer in your dream of peace, she's helped you so much, she is a Diamond Dog, and like you told your men when you first walked out of hell.
You won't let her end as ashes.
You hold out your hand for the gifts you brought after such a long absence and both Kaz and Adam pass them to you without a word. This is no place for idle chatter or wasted words. The dishes are still steaming, hot and fresh out of Catfish's kitchen, and you place them on the table you had the doc move next to her bed. Gallo Pinto the traditional food of Costa Rica, Ackee and Saltfish Fritters the national food of the Caribbean, and a plate of good old fashioned american hamburgers and hotdogs. Even as you breath in the smells you can almost see the party after you stopped ZEKE in front of you, the men and women dancing, and eating, and drinking, and partying the night away as they celebrate the stopping of ZEKE's nuke, and it's all you can do to stop yourself from grabbing a cigar and lighting it up in remembrance. You reach into your pocket, and pulling out the photograph taken of that very party, you start sharing your memories of the good days back then.
"Do you remember what everyone's face looked like after trying your cooking for the first time? It was pouring outside even more then usual, the sea was raging, and everyone was sopping wet and miserable, looking forwards to nothing more then a bunch of C-Rations for dinner. Then you came walking out the kitchen, freshly seared and grilled fish on platter after platter, enough for everyone to eat their fill and ask for seconds. You turned a mess hall full of miserable and irritated soldiers into kids in a candy store. It wasn't a one time thing either. Every single time, without fail, your cooking raised their spirits, and put smiles on their faces. Even when you had nothing but the same terrible military rations that we ate in the field, you managed to work miracles, and cooked something up that people actually wanted to eat!"
"Did you ever wonder why everyone in MSF loved your cooking so much Paz? It's because, as hard as it is to believe, you put your heart and soul in it. When I ate your meals I could
feel your desire for peace. Your wish for the fighting to end and for the world to become one again. Your meals didn't just encourage us Paz they inspired us to greater heights. How many people in the world hoped for the same thing you did? How could we not do everything in our power to make their dream a reality? It's been awhile, and we're still walking forwards on the road to peace, but it's just not the same without everyone's favorite MSF cook. So, from me and everyone else, I'm begging you Paz. Please
Wake up."
XxXxX
Location: ????
POV: Pacifica Ocean
It's Cold and Dark.
You can't move, your arms and legs weigh like mountains, your lungs are filled with lead, your eyelids heavy like the weight in your gut when you betrayed Big Boss for Cipher.
It's so Cold and Dark.
How long has it been since Snake tried to rescue you? A second, a minute, a hour, a day, a week, a year, ten years, a hundred, a thousand, an eternity? You don't know.
So very Cold and Dark.
How long has it been since you saw light? Since you were warmed by the presence of the man and the people whose dream you took as your own? Do they live still, bringing their dream of peace ever closer to reality? Or has Cipher managed to find someone else to finish the mission you failed and cause you ultimately rejected?
So very Cold and so very Dark...no it's....warm?
This warmth....I haven't felt this....in so very long.
This voice, the treasured memories he's forcing you to remember, you can feel the tears drip down your face as you realize who this person is.
Big Boss! Snake! He's Alive! He's Here! He's....begging me to wake up?
...He shouldn't be. I don't deserve it. I betrayed him and everyone in Motherbase! I tried to nuke the United States and pin the blame on them! I told Cipher everything I could about MSF, I was captured, and when Chico came to save me he was captured and tortured too! He shouldn't be begging for a monster and a traitor like me to wake up!
Wait...what's going on...what happened to the darkness? I can see?! I can move?! How?! Why am I in a river surrounded by jungle all of a sudden?! Where am I?! What's going on!!
"Sad."
What! Who is that!? Who's there!? Why is it raining now?! How is this happening?!
"So Sad."
You! Who are you!
"A host of sorrows."
Where are we?! Why am I here?!
"And you are one of them."
*A scared woman, who has been lost in the dark, locks eyes with a phantom of the past, and watches as a single tear of blood falls down his face in the rain.*
XxXxX
Location: Motherbase Medical Ward; Long Term Patient Care
Group: Paz's Visitors
POV: Kazuhira Miller
Looking at Big Boss as he sits there begging Paz to wake up only makes me feel more conflicted then before. She betrayed us, if she hadn't tried to use to ZEKE to nuke America under Cipher's orders, she and Chico wouldn't have been captured, and Boss would have been there to repel XOF's attack on Motherbase. If Snake had been there you
know we would have been able to fight off Skullface and his forces. MSF and Motherbase would have survived, Snake would never have fallen into coma for almost a decade, and even if Skullface managed to escape that battle, it would only have been a matter of months before he was dead. Then we could have expanded and truly started to build our dream of peace in earnest. So much time lost, so many good soldiers dead, all because of her and Cipher.
But...even though she did that, she was still willing to try and jump out of the helicopter after being tortured for days, and undergoing bomb removal surgery without any anesthetic, to try and keep us all alive.
Who was the real Paz? The deceptive Cipher agent willing to kill us all for the sake of her mission? Willing to nuke thousands or even millions of people to frame us monsters and terrorists? Or the young woman who loved peace more then anything else and found a home with us? Does it even matter? Can I really bring myself to forgive someone who hurt our dream and our soldiers so harshly?
Even so....if I hate her for how she betrayed us....then I hate myself even more. I listened to Paz's personal tapes. I heard her begin to doubt her mission, I heard her love for MSF grow, and I heard her start to truly
believe in Snake and his dream. If I hadn't reported to Cipher about the modifications to ZEKE being completed, if I had given her just a little more time, if she had gotten a chance to enjoy 'Peace Day' with us, would she have been willing to defy Cipher for Snake? For us? For our shared dream?
.....
I don't know. I don't have any of the answers, only one person does, and she's been in a coma for almost a decade. Still...Snake woke up so I guess I have to hope for just one more miracle don't I? Moving to the other side of the bed, I grab Paz's other hand, and hope against hope that this works.
"Hey Paz, it's me, Kazuhira Miller. Do you remember what I told you my name means? It means Peace, just like yours, sadly there hasn't been alot of peace going around lately. Its been rough but even so we're all still waiting on you...I'm still waiting on you. I want to talk to you, about our dream for peace, about our actions in regards to Cipher, about moving forwards together. I want to go fishing with you, I want to show you another of our wild parties, I want you live and laugh. I'll even get drunk and show everyone 'The Real Kazuhira Miller' again. I'll do anything you want."
"So please Paz.
Wake Up."
XxXxX
Location: ?????
POV: Pacifica Ocean
Kaz....your here too....even after all I did? You still...believe in me? You still...want me to comeback?
"I am The Sorrow."
I thought...that you hated me. That everyone hated me. That I was alone. But....you...and Snake....and everyone...still want me? I still have a place to belong?
"Like you I too am filled with sadness."
How could you know my sorrow you damn ghost?! How could you know the sorrow I feel from betraying and almost killing the closest thing to a family I've ever had?!
"This world is one of sadness."
....Yes...It is.
"Battle brings death."
It does.
"Death brings Sorrow."
I won't deny that.
"The living may not hear them."
But...for all my sorrow...I won't give up on Big Boss's dream!
"Their voices may fall upon deaf ears."
I have hope he will create a peaceful world!
"But make no mistake....the dead....are not silent."
I believe in Snake, and Kaz, and I believe in the world they will one day create! A peaceful world! A united world! A world made whole!
"Now you will know the sorrow of those whose lives you have ended."
And nobody, living or dead, will stop me from helping them make that dream a reality! Now get out of my way!
*A young woman, who has been lost in the dark, finds the light and warmth leading home that she's desired for so long. Nothing, not a dead man, or an army of ghosts, will keep her from them.*
XxXxX
Location: Motherbase Medical Ward; Long Term Patient Care
Group: Paz's Visitors
POV: Adamska
To be honest I really have no idea why I of all people am here. John was the one who Pacifica was originally sent here for and who's dream she eventually came to believe in. Miller was her first friend on base and quickly became her older brother in all but name. Chico, may the boy rest in peace, was infatuated with her from practically the moment they met. But me? I wasn't close her. I couldn't bring myself to spend time around such a obvious assassin and plant. It went against every instinct and piece of training I possessed. I have no emotional bonds with Pacifica, no fond memories to share with her, no emotional connections to exploit, I possessed
nothing that might influence her to awake from a nine year long coma.
Yet, here I am all the same, at John's request no less. Obviously he sees a reason for me to be here, something I can contribute in his goal of awakening the girl, but what it is I have no clue. So let's try and puzzle this out. John is providing physical stimuli via the food he brought and by holding her hand. Emotional stimuli, by bringing up the good times she spent at MSF cooking similar food for the soldiers there, and by being willing to beg for her to wake up. Miller is doing much the same, so the physical and emotional vectors are covered, which leaves mental stimulation mostly as a side effect of the food brought and words spoken.
Ah I understand now. Manipulating the mind always was my specialty.
Now, the girl is comatose, so hypnosis won't work, and torture is obviously out of the question. Looks like their's only one vector for me to apply my talents then. I step forwards, around John, place my hand on her head, and my lips by her ear. Now I just have to hope Miller and John don't try and stop me.
"Paz, you have slept for a very long time, for almost a decade. Militaires Sans Frontières was attacked and destroyed by XOF and Skullface. Big Boss was in a coma of his own that he only awoke from a short time ago. Miller was and still is lost in rage. He threw himself into war after war, eventually rebuilt MSF as The Diamond Dogs, and was attacked by Skullface again. His men were killed, he lost an arm and a leg, and was tortured for days by the Soviets. The pain and rage from what he's lost is atleast half the reason he can get out of bed every morning. There has been much suffering for the past nine years, Paz Ortega Andrade, but even so Snake and Kaz are still here. They're still fighting to make their dream of peace come true, they still have hope for a better future, but they are
hurting."
"They need you Paz, to help them fulfill their dream, to help heal the pain in their hearts. Your the only one who can. They need their friend back. So please Paz.
Wake up."
XxXxX
Location: ?????
POV: Pacifica Ocean
Ocelot too?....No. Please! Stop! I don't want to hear anymore!
"Your a failure! I should have been the one Zero chose to be his agent! Give me my life back!"
They suffered so much because of me! Even more then I knew they had! A decade of pain...Kaz, Snake, I'm so sorry!
"I trusted you Pacifica! You betrayed me! You stabbed in the back and let me bleed to death! You don't deserve to live!
...They need my help? Even after all I did....all they suffered....he thinks I'm the only one who can help them?
"Of course they need you girl. Another little soldier to follow that madman on his path to hell. Why wouldn't they try and fix such a valuable tool? Because that's all you are and all you ever will be. A tool for others to use as they see fit. Never your own methods, never your own goals, never your own dreams, always someone else's. A tool through and through."
Then...if Ocelot of all people said it....I CAN'T AFFORD TO STAY HERE FOR A MOMENT LONGER!
"YOU CAN AND YOU WILL! YOU WILL STAY HERE IN THE DARKNESS AND THE COLD WITH US FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"
I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO SOME OF YOU! SOME OF YOU WERE INNOCENTS WHO DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE! SOME OF YOU WERE MONSTERS WHO DID DESERVE IT!
"All I wanted was peace! I wanted the United States and the Soviet Union to try and work together! All for the benefit of humanity! I WANTED PEACE!"
BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS! THEY NEED ME!
"WE MATTER! YOU KILLED US! MURDERED US! WHAT ABOUT OUR FRIENDS! OUR FAMILIES! YOU MADE US LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND YOU MONSTER!"
SO GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN HELP THEM! I WILL HELP THEM FIND THEIR OWN PEACE! I WILL HELP THEM MAKE THE WORLD WHOLE AGAIN! NO MATTER WHO OUR ENEMY IS!
"Is there such a thing as an absolute, timeless enemy? There is no such thing, and never has been. And the reason is that our enemies are human beings like us. They can only be our enemies in relative terms. The world must be made whole again."
...Impossible. Your...
"Go back to your own world."
*A young woman, given hope and purpose, rages forwards towards the light. Past the ghosts of all those killed at her hands but halts in the face of the woman who's dream altered the world and human history forever. The darkness rushes towards her, not to drag her down, but to push her forwards.*
Everything goes white.
XxXxX
Location: Motherbase Medical Ward; Long Term Patient Care
Group: Paz's Visitors
POV: Venom Snake
Looking down at Paz's hand, as Adam whispers in her ear, I can only hope that this works. This is the best idea I could come up with to hopefully wake up Paz but it's slapdash at best. My own coma lasted for the same amount of time and the fact that I woke up in time to escape from XOF was nothing short of a miracle. The chances of her waking up from this....
"Hey Snake."
I snap my head to the sound, disbelief and desperate hope warring in my gut, but when I lock eyes with Paz, with her tired but
openopenopen eyes, I feel the weight on my shoulders get just a little lighter.
"What took you so long?" she whispers and I wouldn't stop the swell of laughter or tears even if I could. Kaz definitely isn't. I can hear his glasses hit the floor, the tears in his voice as he laughs, Adam looks like the cat that ate the canary, and I feel the weight I carry get even lighter.
Fighting past the laughter in my throat I give her the answer she
deserves to hear. "I'm sorry Paz. I should have been here a lot sooner."
"No Snake." I watch her slowly shake her head.
"Everything that happened...was my fault. I don't...deserve your forgiveness but...you said you wanted me back...right?"
Looking her in the eyes I share the words I was afraid I'd never get to say again. "Welcome home Paz."
Slowly looking at you, Kaz, and even Adam with tears in her eyes, she says something I'm sure she's never said and
meant before now.
"It's good to be home."
Word Count: 3,176
@konamikode
Edit: Reposting this. Hope everything is right this time.