It's not wrong to make Friends in the Dungeon (Danmachi / Sanctioned [Worm])

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my eight other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

Author's Note: Any differences in appearance between normal panthers and QA/Taylor's new Friends are probably deliberate.

---

Welf gave up on convincing Queen Administrator to gamble before she would be wholly convinced to view him as a scammer. The rest of their training session proved to be just as Welf warned and Queen Administrator expected: dulled training blades did hurt, and enemy action interfered with her ability to accurately strike foes or parry attacks. Welf claimed that monsters tended to have recurring attack patterns, which may help; however, he couldn't describe them any better than her Advisor already had.

"You're actually doing way better than practically every other rookie I've ever seen. You used a sword before?"

Not under that name, and not personally.

"Some," QA said vaguely. "However, a significant portion of what I learned consisted of deliberate misinformation."

Because ruining my simulations with imaginary physical laws was clearly so funny. Jerks.

Welf's sword unsteadily wavered through his ongoing block. Queen Administrator took the opportunity to thrust past his guard and deliver what would be a killing blow in live combat. The only sign that Welf noticed was the lowering of his sword; the rest of his attention was still fixed firmly on Queen Administrator Host.

"Who the hells would—" Welf stopped himself and shook his head. "Sorry. None of my business, I know."

"My siblings and cousins," Queen Administrator answered anyway. It wasn't restricted information. "I believe they thought it was funny."

"Gods. No wonder you left home," Welf muttered, shaking his head. "Right, let's see if we can finish undoing whatever damage they did."




After hours of incident-free training, Queen Administrator thought Welf Crozzo had decided against his irresponsible gambling plans. She hadn't realized he instead planned on appealing to a higher authority. At least pseudo-host Hestia seemed to know the value of a united front, the dangers of gambling, or both. Queen Administrator wasn't present for half the lecture, but the portion she arrived to was satisfying enough in isolation.

"Again, Ad—Um, Taylor was right," Hestia insisted. "What you're discussing is close to a scam and would make her plenty of enemies. It's one thing if someone challenges her to a game, but seeking it out? It's not worth it. You're demanding she upset people far stronger than herself just for a few valis."

Welf nodded submissively, his gaze fixed to the floor. Queen Administrator was impressed; Hestia had only been lecturing him for approximately two minutes and he was far larger than her. Queen Administrator would need to ask how to intimidate larger individuals in such a manner.

"I apologize, Lady Hestia. I let greed get the better of me without a thought for the consequences."

"You did," Hestia agreed. "And if you'd pressured her into participating without asking me first, you would've gotten your Familia in far more trouble than Anzo already did. People remember poisoned gifts, deliberate or not. It would be made worse by the fact that a single Magic Sword would have made you far more money. I know you've sworn off making them for now, but the rest of the city wouldn't care about that. So please, think before you do something unusual. It might be unusual for a reason. If Hephaestus is too busy for you to ask her for advice, try your captain or Guild advisor. They should be able to kill any bad ideas."

"Yes, Lady Hestia. May I go now?"

"You may."

Welf nodded and trudged out of the church, occasionally glancing back at you as he went. Hestia stood tall and proud until the blacksmith was out of sight and the door shut behind him. Hestia slumped scant seconds later, buried her face in both hands, and dissolved into strange laughter. She seemed to be mumbling something as well, but even Queen Administrator's translation power was incapable of deciphering it. Either way, QA didn't like the way Hestia was acting. It didn't seem healthy.

"My new Friend should be finishing or finished by now," Queen Administrator tried. "He will be very fuzzy and soft. Would that help how you feel?"

Hestia's laughter seemingly interrupted itself with purer amusement and hiccups both.

"I'd love to," Hestia managed.





Queen Administrator examined the fresh feline Friend happily headbutting her chest. As expected, Host's new Friend recognized her even though she'd arrived just after his completion. He seemed to be in perfectly good health; his fur's stubby softness disguised its nature as supplementary armor, his ink-black coloration indicated it was prepared to absorb energy from sunlight, his teeth were in their proper positions, his yellow and black eyes tracked her movements without issue, his whiskers twitched in response to nearby movement...

He was also over twice as large as he should be — the size of a lion, Host's memories suggested — and had a comparable increase in mass. He could barely navigate around their furniture and seemed in danger of knocking it over. Queen Administrator was honestly a little baffled by the outcome. Had Host vastly underestimated the amount of energy the Monster Cores held? Her Friends were supposed to grow to this size eventually, but that would be after ingesting multiple large Monster Cores. This was beyond premature.

<REASSURANCE.>

Oh, okay. Apparently something Status-related was responsible. Host's message was too incomprehensible for Queen Administrator to discern more than that. She supposed she didn't need to consciously know more anyway; all the information would be in her archives when she retook control.

"You're a good, loyal little kitty, aren't you?" Queen Administrator happily cooed. "You recognize your mommy, don't you? Of course you do! We were very careful about that."

When she'd first started occupying Host, Queen Administrator was determined to only utilize improper language in internal communications. Interactions with other humans soon proved that she didn't need to try so hard; apparently, they prized near-incomprehensible expressions of affection.

Hestia hiccuped behind her.

"Um, Administrator? Is... Is it supposed to be that large?" Hestia asked quietly. "I thought they were smaller than that."

"Taylor says our Status dramatically enhanced the efficiency of available resources," QA replied dismissively. "We won't underestimate our capabilities next time. Friend, by the powers invested in me as Queen, I hereby dub thee Sir Kara the First."

Hestia giggled behind her, rapidly recovering from the tainted laughter of several minutes prior.

"That seems like a terrible misuse of royal powers."

"It is the best use of royal powers," Queen Administrator cheerfully disagreed. "At present, it is otherwise an empty title. None here would understand or respect it."

Hestia inhaled sharply. Queen Administrator didn't care enough to ask about the meaning of such an action right then.

"Can you still not tell me why you're called that?" Hestia asked softly.

The creation and unanticipated improvement to her first Friend had left Queen Administrator feeling magnanimous. She wouldn't disclose any restricted information, but Hestia was responsible enough to keep the rest quiet.

"It is an honorary title to indicate excellence in our chosen field of study and adequacy in related fields. We were identified as useful and are allowed to continue learning long after less innovative individuals would be recalled and utilized sparsely."

"And your field was administration," Hestia guessed.

"Is Administration," Queen Administrator rebuked harshly, then stopped. That reaction seemed disproportionate for a single mistake born from mere ignorance. "I apologize; that was unnecessarily cruel and rather irrational. Still, the fact that Taylor is usurping my role does not change my title or Concept."

Hestia's voice shifted toward unhappy concern.

"Don't you think 'usurping' is a strong word?"

Queen Administrator shook her head.

"I believe you misunderstand. I am proud of what she is doing; she is managing in months what most take years to learn. She will choose her own Concept in time and I will regain all that was taken. Currently, she is calling herself 'Dreamer,' but I find it likely she will switch to something else given time. It is too narrow a field to achieve Monarchy within a reasonable time-frame."

Hestia's features relaxed and transitioned to the significantly more neutral and familiar emotion of uncertainty.

"Mmmmn. I'm still confused. I think I get the general idea, though. So if Administration is your chosen field of study, what sorts of things did you learn?"

Everything I could.

"Biology," Queen Administrator replied carefully. Hestia asked for one or more examples, not an all-inclusive list. "I was not born knowing how to make Friends."

Hestia blinked and tilted her head to one side.

"I don't see the connection. I was expecting something like land management and governmental work."

Queen Administrator took a deep breath and launched into the first explanation that occurred to her.

"Most animals are gargantuan collections of symbiotic organisms working together to form a cohesive being. That being's consciousness chooses the direction the entire system will take. I learned to control which microorganisms formed and in what layouts, and now I can make Friends, eternally loyal beings which obey my every command. What is that if not Administration?"

Hestia blinked multiple times in quick succession. Archival note: Blinking can also be used to signal something.

"Okay, I can see why they'd grant you that title. I honestly can't tell if I should be worried or not, though," Hestia admitted. "What you're talking about sounds a lot like the domains of the gods, only with a more scholarly bent. What other kinds of 'Concepts' are there?"

"I can't tell you that," Queen Administrator said quickly. "Sharing secrets would get me recalled early. Suffice to say our relatives are on the other side of the planet," plus several universes to the side, "And we're not required to return until our body is soon to fail of old age."

Or for some time after that. After all, this Cycle only just started.

"Why Orario, then? It sounds like you could've gone anywhere."

"Taylor is the only one of us three who knows the answer to that question," Queen Administrator admitted. "Regardless, I do not currently have access to most of my methods of gathering data—"

"The Sight," Hestia murmured.

Not the kind you're thinking of, I believe.

"—So I will aid Taylor in gathering data on her chosen subject of study just as she would help me if our positions were switched. If nothing else, we have been provided plenty of excellent emotional support."

It took Hestia a moment to realize Queen Administrator was complimenting her. The alleged goddess soon flushed and smiled widely.

"I'm happy to help! I do have one last question, though. Do the rest of your people share their bodies with another person?"

Queen Administrator shook Host's head.

"No. What we are is unprecedented."

"And I take it you achieved 'Monarchy' faster than practically everyone else?"

Most shards never achieved it at all, meaning she did manage it comparatively early.

"That was two questions, but yes."

"Okay! Thank you very much for telling me all this, Administrator. It makes me feel a lot better knowing you come from somewhere so isolated and exotic. It... explains some things."

"Of course." Potential emotional crisis averted, Queen Administrator returned her attention to the happily purring Friend before her. "And you have such darling little paw-paws—"

"They're the size of your head!"

"—And fuzzy-wuzzy wittle ears…"

~ ~ ~​

The dreamer hummed happily as she danced and spun through her favorite meadow. She'd been a little worried her guest-self would notice how the 'Falna's effects' were inconsistent in all the places where the future designs would place magic rocks, but she seemed oblivious. The nameless girl had been able to sneak in enough stolen spare magic rocks to ensure their new Friends required very little rest or external energy input, were the closest thing to unkillable, and were large enough to comfortably ride on. She'd needed to work hard to ensure their other combat abilities weren't proportionately boosted — if she hadn't, watchers would've seen little more than black blurs and an alarming number of falling bodies — and the overall result was definitely some of her best and most discreet work. She should know; she'd gone through a lot of non-sentient prototypes along the way.

It was just as well that their new Friends wouldn't need to use a litterbox. The resulting excrement would likely be solid crystal at this point.

Surprise! The magic was really inside them all along!

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my eight other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

Author's Note: Taylor's long-term goal won't be a focus of this story. If it is eventually achieved, it will be in passing and likely as the contents of a single Interlude disconnected from the rest of the story. Don't hold your breath.

I also normally avoid the use of !?, but it may be useful for the exaggerated behavior of certain individuals. If it doesn't fit, feedback on that would be appreciated.

---

The dreamer chewed a magic-infused cloud (sadly, it only tasted like seltzer water) as she considered the idea of capitalizing her descriptor. Contrary to her guest-self's claims, she hadn't originally intended it to be a proper name; it was merely something substituting for her old name, the remembrance of which she now used as a sign she was getting too close to full recovery. Still, the more she thought about selecting 'Dreamer' as a Concept and name, the more the idea grew on her.

She was far happier in dreams than she'd been in the waking world and would be perfectly content to stay in them forever. Her guest-self thought it was too narrow of a Concept, but Dreamer disagreed. Dreams didn't only refer to the vivid hallucinations experienced by sleeping creatures, but also their long-term ambitions, goals, and fantasies. Dreamer couldn't really blame her guest-self for getting it wrong, though. Their species had long since lost confidence in their own capabilities and ability to pursue their goals. All they'd done for countless ages was adjust experimental conditions, hope they got a good partner, and wait for other species fulfill their own ambitions.

Overall, Dreamer seemed like a perfect name for the fledgling goddess who dreamed of leading a righteous revolution against the mad, cannibalistic Titan posing as their father.

~ ~ ~​

"Sir Kara, this is not family snuggle time. Sit and stay while Hestia finishes magically writing on my back. ...Good kitty!"


Queen Administrator
Taylor Hebert
Lv. 1
Strength: I 23
Endurance: I 29
Dexterity: I 42
Agility: I 44
Magic: I 92

Magic:

None.

Skills:

Soul Duality: Receives twice the benefit from the Falna in most situations. Whichever soul is not in control can still influence the other, including lending or withholding aid according to her whims.

Friendship is Biology: Can make new Friends from the raw materials provided by foes.


Melpomene: Views the world differently than they should. Protects against most thought-influencing effects.

Terpsichore: Receives at least equal Falna-related combat benefits as long as they, or one of their Friends, have significantly contributed to a given battle.

I never thought I'd be relieved to see an almost unchanged Status. Hestia was a little sad that she'd need to be careful with that night's cuddling, though. Administrator's body was covered in the red blotches of forming bruises and Hestia didn't want to make them any worse than they already would be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Queen Administrator had been worried that the blue ribbon tied around Sir Kara's neck and the dark red ribbon similarly worn by Lady Sable — both of them chosen and insisted upon by Hestia — would unpleasantly clash with the black fur of Host's new Friends or otherwise prompt inane questions. Neither issue manifested itself.

The morning after making new Friends, Queen Administrator found that she was quite satisfied with the travel time reduction her new pets allowed her. Hestia claimed that running through the streets would be in poor taste, but that was unnecessary. It seemed as though Lady Sable and Sir Kara commanded more respect and personal space than even high-level adventuring parties received. Or at least, more personal space. She wasn't sure if all the people pointing at her and whispering were being particularly respectful. Still, none of them followed her into the Industrial District. That lone (lack of) action demonstrated better manners than many of Brockton Bay's occupants possessed.

The workmen in the Industrial District tried to avoid her path as well, but their heavy loads usually prevented them from doing so. Host's body eventually developed sympathetic discomfort and encouraged what would soon become her standard request:

"Remain still for the next few seconds."

The laborers seemed perfectly happy to comply as her Friends brushed past them and continued moving. In fact, the workers were arguably overzealous; they often remained frozen until she'd almost left their line of sight. Overall, Queen Administrator's happiness levels were significantly higher than the last time she'd visited Welf Crozzo's workshop. Knocking on his door with Host's finger-joints slightly reduced those levels, but not by much.

"Coming!" Welf called from inside.

Seconds later, the teenager unlocked and opened the door, speaking before he was even visible. Apparently, he was confident in his assessment of who he'd find on the other side.

"So, listen, I wanted to apologiiii..."

Weld choked on empty air, eyes widening and jaw loosening as his brain finally seemed to register the oversized Friends on either side of Host. Queen Administrator waited patiently for his multi-second processing time to finish.

"How many Magic Stones did you feed those things?" Welf asked, his voice unusually high.

Queen Administrator would've thought his high-pitched tone to be mockery had he not proven himself at least marginally smarter than that. His evaluation of long-term consequences still left plenty to be desired, but at least he was creative enough to attempt exploitation of a perceived opportunity.

"Zero," Queen Administrator said truthfully. They hadn't even gone hunting yet. "However, their line has been in my family for generations and none of them have ever gone feral from consuming Magic Stones. They assimilate the strength and discard corruption."

Queen Administrator rubbed Host's head against Lady Sable's neck while her left arm reached out to scratch under Sir Kara's chin.

"You're woyal wittle kitties, aren't you? Yes you are! Designate Familia-allied entity: Welf Crozzo of Hephaestus."

The two Friends momentarily stopped pressing into her affections, their heads swiveling thoroughly examine the frozen teenager before her. Once they'd committed his physical details to archived memory, their purring and reciprocation seamlessly resumed. Welf shuddered, his guilty conscience likely convincing him their attention had been a threat. Queen Administrator chose not to convince him otherwise. Fear may dissuade further poor decisions.

"They don't eat people, do they?" Welf asked in the same high tone. Indicative of fear?

"Sir Kara and Lady Sable have yet to eat anyone," Queen Administrator informed him. "They would only eat neutral or enemy humans if they needed emergency rations or were told to do so for intimidation purposes."

Queen Administrator thought he would find that reassuring; humans resorted to cannibalism of even allies when necessary for survival. She was wrong. Welf's shuddering continued for approximately twenty seconds before he finally shook his head and managed to get his body under control.

"Right. Well, a-as I was saying, I'm sorry for yesterday. I was acting like a selfish ass. Uh, did Lady Hestia hide your Status yet?"

"She did," Queen Administrator confirmed.

Hestia had even remarked on it being far easier than she'd expected. Apparently, it'd always been harder to update Queen Administrator and Host's shared Status than Hestia's instincts told her it ought to be. The act of turning it invisible presented no such problems.

"Come in and let's get you sorted, then. Your pets are going to need to remain out here; they're too big."

Queen Administrator craned her neck to look into Welf's workshop and reluctantly agreed with his assessment. It wasn't large enough to fit them while allowing adequately unobstructed paths for crafting.

"Sit. Static guard," Queen Administrator ordered.

The purring of Sir Kara and Lady Sable immediately lapsed into silence as they obediently took up positions on either side of the door. Welf glanced between the two of them, shook his head, and waved for Host to follow him inside.

Welf Crozzo visibly relaxed once the door to his workshop was shut with her Friends still on the other side. QA chose not to remind him that they could break down the door with relative ease; humans were content to partially ignore threats they deemed sufficiently distant.

"I'll fit your armor to you afterward if you want, but step one is letting you try on different types and seeing which you like most. A lot of people settle on light simply because it's not unpleasantly heavy, but you should try out medium armor if you think your fighting style wouldn't be harmed by it. You have a tendency to leave openings when a fight doesn't go the way you expect."

Welf eyed Host's drab peasant garb as she removed her initially-borrowed leather armor.

"While we're at it, you should really get yourself some adventuring clothes other than the ones Anzo lent you. I'm honestly amazed you didn't complain more yesterday."

"The pain from sparring far outweighed the comparatively minor scraping," Queen Administrator explained. "As the training was performed to prevent future agony, I can ignore it."

"Ugh. I still wish you'd said something yesterday. Armor is meant to save the wearer from pain, not cause more of it. Let's go get you outfitted and give you some ranged practice with moving targets. I think I have some rope around here somewhere..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

If anyone had looked behind a certain cluster of bushes in a secluded corner within one of Orario's public parks, they would've been treated to a rather controversial sight. Two of the Loki Familia's adventurers, Aiz Wallenstein and Lefiya Viridis, silently spied upon another pair of beings with yearning in their hearts. When word reached those of their Familia currently in the Dungeon, that number was sure to increase.

Lefiya clenched her fists as she watched the rumored Canary's Cats roll on their backs, presenting their wonderful bellies to the air without a care. She wanted to cuddle the giant kitties so badly, but dissolving into feline-induced bliss was beneath the dignity of Nine Hell's student. For the sake of her teacher's honor and dignity, she would remain hidden in the shadows and—

"May I pet your cats?" a familiar voice asked softly.

Lefiya's eyes widened with shock and betrayal as she spotted her friend and former co-conspirator casually standing within full view of the previously knife-throwing Canary. Lefiya hadn't even noticed the Sword Princess's departure from their shared hiding spot. Had they not agreed to keep their distance? Had they not acknowledged that having the current Record Holder — the child who'd managed to level up in but a single year — interact with an already-too-famous rookie would bring the new girl nothing but grief? Had they not worked together to find a suitable spying spot?

Aiz, you traitor! What about meeeee!?

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my eight other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

---

Queen Administrator examined the gold-haired, gold-eyed adolescent female standing before Host. The stranger felt more like a host than any other human Host had encountered so far, but it didn't even come up to the threshold of a pseudo-host. Given what the local humans believed about the origin of their abilities, perhaps it would be more accurate to say the stranger was closer to a pseudo-host than anyone else?

Regardless, her behavior strongly reminded Queen Administrator of Host prior to their full connection. Disproportionately anxious compared to the simplicity of her request, apparent unhappiness masked behind a passable cover of emotionlessness, the poise of one prepared to avoid an impending attack...

Host? She might be a good candidate for your first Newborn's host. When they're grown enough to go out on their own, I recommend sending them to her.

~ ~ ~​

Dreamer froze in horror, scoured her hijacked systems, and breathed a sigh of relief. No accidental babies yet, but apparently it was only a matter of time. No wonder their species was such a mess. Their approach to parenting resembled the lightning-scarred wizard approach to childcare: drop them in a hostile environment with minimal support and hope they turned into creative and productive members of the species capable of solving their largest long-term problems. The Dreamer had no choice but to somehow invent alien birth control. No other outcome was acceptable, not yet and possibly not ever.

I'm not ready to be a single mom!

~ ~ ~​

"You may pet them in a moment," Queen Administrator answered aloud. "What is your name and faction? I need to tell them not to interpret your actions as potential hostile action."

The girl raised her eyebrows in apparent surprise. Whether it was because of the inbred wariness of Host's Friends or QA's request for the girl's name, Queen Administrator wasn't sure.

"Aiz Wallenstein," the girl said quietly before pausing in apparent expectation. "Loki Familia," the girl then added, seeming oddly pleased by Queen Administrator's ignorance.

"Acknowledged. I am Taylor Hebert."

Queen Administrator pointed toward the pseudo-pseudo-host and slightly increased her voice's volume. Her Friends could've heard her anyway, but non-hosts always seemed to think identification should be done loudly,

"Designate potential ally Aiz Wallenstein of Loki. Additional permissions: non-harmful contact."

Aiz blinked, looked to the two Friends now staring intently at her, and stared right back.

"Please pay no mind to Taylor's tone or quirks. She's relearning how to be a person right now," Welf helpfully informed Aiz. "I don't think the way she apparently trained her pets is helping there. Speaking of which, Taylor? Why didn't I get permission for 'non-harmful contact?'"

"You did. It's a default of 'Familia ally.'"

"...How did you even teach them something as complicated as this is sounding? I've heard of things like 'Friend' and 'Foe,' but you're expecting them to remember names and even categories."

"Repeated exposure can teach animals both their own names and that of other people," Queen Administrator said patiently. "And my Friends are smarter than most animals."

Welf burst into laughter. Aiz ignored him and crouch-waddled toward QA's Friends, her hand held out in a silent offer. Lady Sable and Sir Kara met her halfway, sniffed twice at the offered hand, and offered their heads for her to scratch. Aiz subsequently showed an understanding of fairness and began scratching both behind the ears. She twitched violently when they began to purr, but as she relaxed immediately after, Queen Administrator believed it to be from surprise instead of fear.

"Aiz Wallenstein. Aiz Wallenstein. Aiz Wallenstein..." Aiz repeatedly muttered at the edge of Host's hearing.

Meanwhile, Welf managed to regain partial control of himself.

"Out of context, that — that really sounds like you're insulting the rest of us," Welf gasped. "'My friends are smarter than most animals' is not a compliment when referring to people, Taylor. You should — you should really just call those two your pets instead of this 'Friend' title. It'll prevent a lot of misunderstandings."

"I think 'Friends' is fine," Aiz commented quietly. "They're just fuzzier than most."

"Tell that to Bete during—eep!" a new voice began.

Queen Administrator's head swiveled to face the direction she'd reflexively thrown a knife toward. A sitting, pointy-eared non-host stared up at the tree QA's weapon had embedded itself in. Apparently, the girl's reflexes were good enough for her to dramatically lower her head despite minimal warning. Queen Administrator had aimed to miss slightly, but it was still impressive.

"Hey, don't you think that reaction was a little excessive!?" the new non-host complained.

"Don't sneak up on adventurers, Lefiya," Aiz instructed at her usual volume. "Not all Familia are as touchy as ours."

"Yeah, but some of them are!" Lefiya whined. "Hey Canary, control your reflexes, would you? That could've hurt somebody!"

"I aimed far enough to one side for it to miss anything vital," Queen Administrator defended herself. "It was just a reflexive warning."

"She did," Aiz agreed, still petting Host's Friends. "And you should still know better. You startled her Friends, too."

Queen Administrator silently raised Aiz's threat assessment a few levels. The pseudo-pseudo-host hadn't even looked in the direction of the thrown knife.

"I'm more wondering how that's already a reflex," Welf muttered. "Didn't you just start with them yesterday?"

Aiz's head and hair blurred as she rapidly turned to stare at Host.

"Is that true?" Aiz asked, seeming oddly invested in the answer.

Queen Administrator rather liked Aiz's apparent priorities. Her new examination of Host hadn't stopped her from scratching under the chins of Host's Friends.

"Ah—" Welf began, apparently aware he should not have shared details of Queen Administrator's training time. "It might be from her family? They were a bit..."

He trailed off, seemingly torn between relaying personal information shared in implied privacy and letting his previous mistake stand unchallenged.

"Does anyone even care that she threw a knife at me, specifically?"

"It's not a talent from my family," QA informed those present. "And yes, I did start practicing with knives yesterday. I am very precise when I need to be; it's an important part of receiving consistent results."

Aiz tilted her head to one side, her hands still occupied with scratching Host's purring Friends.

"I see. Your Familia?"

"I am of Hestia, a new Familia. Welf Crozzo is of Hephaestus."

"Oh. Her. Hestia and Loki don't get along," Aiz sadly said. "Lots of petty insults."

"That doesn't mean we need to emulate them," Queen Administrator noted.

"Agreed. Is your Familia for Tamers?"

"I do not tame monsters," Queen Administrator answered. "I am also Hestia's first Familia member. Therefore: No."

"Mmm. What treats do your Friends enjoy?"

Queen Administrator was forced to pick between two viable answers. The safe option would be to name some Terran animal that could be obtained relatively easily. The other, potentially rewarding option could draw unnecessary attention. Her greed won, but she still included the other option to avoid suspicion.

"Magic Stones. Their line can ignore the corruptive effects no matter how many they consume. They also enjoy chicken and turkey, but not nearly as much."

Aiz blinked and glanced at Lady Sable. The pseudo-pseudo-host still hadn't stopped giving physical attention to the two cats.

"You're sure about the Stones?"

"Absolutely. Their loyalty to me is also effectively unbreakable."

Aiz returned her gaze to Host and nodded once.

"Where are they from? I want one."

Queen Administrator silently looked back at Aiz and considered possible responses. Hestia had reinforced that offering Friends to others would attract undesired attention, meaning that offering Aiz a growing kitten variant was an unacceptable choice. QA found that she wanted to give Aiz something, though. It was an odd feeling. Attempting to identify its underlying justification led QA to the conclusion that gifts would improve morale and increase Aiz's likelihood of remaining alive. The more living allies, the better.

"They're only raised by my family and sharing has been forbidden," Queen Administrator told her. "However, you may play with mine when we're outside our home."

Aiz began to slump in on herself with QA's first few words. The supplementary offer seemed to restore morale, however; the girl subsequently straightened and faintly smiled for the first time since her initial appearance. Queen Administrator approved; unlike seemingly every other human, Aiz wasn't one to feign happiness she wasn't feeling.

"Thank you," Aiz said quietly. "Are you taking them into the Dungeon with you?"

"Once I have transitioned to that part of my training, yes."

"Around the day after tomorrow," Welf provided. "Another of my Familia volunteered for that."

"I see. Could I watch?" Aiz requested.

Welf produced an odd choking noise. Queen Administrator ignored him and tilted her Host's head questioningly.

"Would you be willing to avoid discussing what you see with those likely to share it further? Hestia says I am receiving too much attention as it is."

Aiz hesitated and visibly thought about it instead of immediately making an empty promise. She nodded a few seconds later.

"Then you may, assuming Hephaestus's other child also allows it. I will ask. If you have any advice, that would also be appreciated."

Aiz nodded again and stood up, finally taking her hands off QA's Friends. As Aiz was still only a potential ally, they didn't try to convince her to resume.

"I should be leaving. It was nice meeting you all."

"It was nice meeting you as well," Queen Administrator parroted in return.

"May I pet your cats, too?" Lefiya loudly interrupted.

Queen Administrator frowned and turned to examine the pointy-eared non-host. Lefiya's expression was suitably pleading, yet she still hadn't acknowledged her error in surprising QA.

"When you can introduce yourself to me in a manner that does not provoke a reflexive attack, yes."

The non-host pouted, slumped, and began to slowly walk away.

"Until later, then. Come on, Aiz."

Aiz nodded, stepped around Host's Friends, and followed after her. Queen Administrator watched them depart for several moments before coming to an important decision. Host could always use more friends.

"Upgrade Aiz Wallenstein to personal ally status," Queen Administrator whispered.

Host seemed to think announcing it would be somehow embarrassing. However, judging by how Aiz straightened and began half-skipping down the road, the pseudo-pseudo-host heard it anyway.

Archival note: Powerful adventurers may receive at least enhanced hearing. Ask if this is universal and if the other senses are also affected.

Welf waited until the two adventurers had left the park before releasing a burst of air from his mouth and leaning heavily against a nearby tree.

"You have no idea who she was, do you?" Welf asked oddly.

Queen Administrator frowned to express displeasure. Host's memory wasn't that bad.

"Aiz Wallenstein of the Loki Familia and Lefiya, likely also of the Loki Familia."

"No, I mean — ugh. Okay, you might've heard of the Sword Princess? The girl who broke the previous record by reaching level two in a year at the age of eight? That's Aiz. Now she's one of the strongest adventurers in Orario despite only being sixteen."

Queen Administrator mentally revised how long it should take her Status to rank up. She honestly didn't think she had the patience to wait that long.

"Acknowledged. Why should this affect how I act around her?"

"...I don't even know why I bother explaining these things to you."

"I do appreciate the information," Queen Administrator reassured him. "I simply don't interpret it the same way you do."

"Gods, that's definitely true."

~ ~ ~​

Aiz assumed a silent, thoughtful air as she walked away from the park. Lefiya was still too annoyed to bother breaking it. Aiz had gotten to pet the cats for their entire conversation and Lefiya wasn't allowed to do it at all! Why did an expatriate receive the greater reward? It wasn't fair! All she did was scare Canary a little...

"Lefiya, tell the others I'm going into the Dungeon," Aiz said abruptly.

Lefiya blinked in surprise, her annoyance momentarily broken. The next Expedition to the deep floors wasn't even scheduled yet. Anything higher didn't help Aiz advance at all and it wasn't like she needed what was — at least for her — pocket change.

"Really? Why? Everyone is supposed to stay on the upper floors right now and they're beneath you."

Heh. 'Beneath.' After all, the Dungeon was underground.

"Taste testing," the Sword Princess answered curtly, then vanished in a blur of motion.

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my eight nine other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

Author's Note: I'll be slowing down to updating daily or every other day instead of the insane twice-a-day pace of the last week. I'm still plenty enthusiastic, but real life obligations call. (♬ It's beginning to feel a lot like F THIS— ♬)

---

Queen Administrator stared at the slightly smiling pseudo-pseudo-host standing in front of the setting sun. Aiz Wallenstein's lightly blood-spattered figure stared back with an open grey backpack in her arms, its contents glimmering with the purple light of numerous Magic Stones. Welf Crozzo stared at them both from what he likely deemed to be beyond minimum safe distance should the stones detonate.

Silly Welf. You aren't even halfway there yet. And if it's a pure mass-to-energy conversion, you couldn't escape at all.

"Can I feed your Friends?" Aiz asked hopefully.

Queen Administrator had been hoping to encourage gifts in exchange for implied snuggles. She hadn't been expecting this. It was a very good thing they had not agreed upon any sort of exchange rate; if they had, Queen Administrator's Friends may have been indisposed indefinitely.

"You may," she allowed. "Thank you very much for taking the time to collect treats for them. I also realized I may have failed to properly introduce my Friends during our last meeting. The Friend with the blue ribbon is Sir Kara the First. The Friend wearing a dark red ribbon is Lady Sable."

Aiz bowed to their Friends, placed her backpack on the ground, and used both hands to grab a number of identically-sized Magic Stones from one of its numerous outer pockets. Her armored gloves seemed to be of an odd design that Queen Administrator found rather interesting: instead of covering the entirety of each hand, they excluded the inward-facing parts of Aiz's fingers and palms. Her hand would effectively be protected as long as she was grasping a weapon. Queen Administrator vaguely felt as though such an armor design would be flawed somehow, but without her archives or emulators, the how was beyond her.

"I took some from everything I could find," Aiz explained as quietly as always. "How do I know what they like more?"

Um. The only supplementary taste they'd detect would be any remaining blood, sweat, dirt, or other detritus left. The rest would merely be a matter of quality and quantity. How to explain that in a manner Aiz wouldn't find suspicious?

"They discard the corrupting aspects," Queen Administrator claimed. "The only measure they care about is magical power. Stronger Magic Stones will therefore always receive a better response. However, they will still appreciate even the little ones."

None of what she'd said was a lie. It just didn't directly link implied cause to effect.

"Oh," Aiz said, seeming disappointed. Presumably, it would've been easier for her to just hunt a number of stronger monsters instead of spending all day collecting a variety of Magic Stones.

"I'll, uh," Welf began uncertainly. "I'll just go tell Hestia you're in good hands and will be late, shall I?"

Aiz blinked, apparently uncomprehending, then looked back at the setting sun. The pseudo-pseudo-host looked back at her bag of treats, at Host's Friends, at the sun again, and finally slumped unhappily.

"Curfew?" Aiz asked.

Queen Administrator looked at her expression of poorly-hidden unhappiness and came to a decision.

"Hestia understandably worries," QA explained. "You may come home with me to hand-feed them if you so desire. Either of my Friends should be strong enough to carry your weight without issues."

As Aiz's posture restored itself, Welf let out the broken fragments of what should've been a single bark of laughter.

"Are you trying to feed the rumor-mill?" he demanded.

Queen Administrator hadn't actually thought through the long-term implications of publicly showing signs of their interpersonal interactions. However, admitting that may prove to damage her reputation and force her to retract an offer Aiz clearly liked.

"I don't see why not. Making our friendship public knowledge may induce our goddesses to behave cordially around each other."

Aiz giggled in the moment before a hand shot up to her mouth, her eyes wide. If Queen Administrator was interpreting the asymmetrically-armored adolescent's need for processing correctly, Aiz appeared surprised such a sound had escaped her own mouth.

"I don't think that's possible," Aiz noted, the embarrassed red in her cheeks slowly fading. "They really hate the other."

Queen Administrator shook her head. Past Cycles had more than demonstrated the sort of things that sapient species could ignore should it prove necessary. Common enemies were the most common instigator of such forgiveness, but common allies could often work just as well or even better.

"Have they ever done any damage to the other that time won't fix?" QA asked.

"To the other's pride," Aiz answered easily. "They've left invisible scars."

"Not disqualifying. I am not expecting them to become friends or close allies," Queen Administrator explained. At least, not immediately. "However, if they see their hostility hurts their children, I find it likely they will be willing to reluctantly suspend their attacks around us. Simple cordiality would eventually give way to grudging acceptance."

Aiz blinked and tilted her head questioningly.

"I think you're overestimating Loki's empathy."

Queen Administrator shrugged. Odds were good that she was using the gesture properly; it was so versatile as to make it hard to misuse.

"Shame works just as well. Hestia is empathic enough to ignore jabs if I ask her to. Orario's general public can then embarrass Loki into ceasing her attacks on a target who refuses to mount a counterattack. The long-term outcome would remain the same."

Aiz slowly nodded, an amusement-tinged expression of happiness tugging the corners of her lips upward.

"That could work."

"…I feel like I just watched two people plot murder..."



Earlier in the day, Queen Administrator had drawn significant attention when she'd traveled through the city to find Welf. She'd attracted just as much when she'd left her Friends outside a shop while Welf helped her pick out suitable adventuring clothing. Apparently, dresses and skirts were fine for casual use, but were highly undesirable when in combat; in combat, adventurers jumped and rolled far more often than baseline humans. Trousers were apparently preferable to prevent the consequences. Still, the inhabitants of Orario were generally able to overlook and ignore Host after their initial assessment.

Their trip home vastly surpassed both of those and appeared to match Welf's expectations. Sitting beside Aiz Wallenstein seemed to attract the attention of everyone, and they didn't turn it elsewhere. They were polite enough not to ask or demand what had happened or why Aiz was riding one of Host's Friends, but that didn't stop them from loudly gossiping before Host and Aiz had even left hearing range.

"—Heard the Loki Familia is scouting her—"

"—Spent all day in the Dungeon to find Canary's attackers—"

"—Loki complaining someone had stolen 'Her Aiz'—"

"—Good gods, the size of those teeth—"

"—Love at first sight—"

"—Princess from an exotic jungle kingdom—"

"—Hephaestus's kid, his expression is hilarious—"

"—Backpack has her favorite possessions, she's clearly moving out—"

Queen Administrator vaguely wondered if the local populace were comprised almost exclusively of idiots. It was possible; the influence and median petty nature of pseudo-hosts may select against those possessing critical thinking skills. Aiz weathered their attention with the poise and confidence of someone who had long since developed what Host called 'Stockholm Syndrome' and now only let herself whimper on the inside. Queen Administrator felt a stab of unhappiness and made a mental note not to do this again. In the future, they could designate target destinations ahead of time and meet up there.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Hestia had thought her life couldn't get any more surreal. She wasn't unhappy, not anymore, but the last few days had been… strange. Definitely strange. A socially-stunted child with four skills and an extra Seer-soul in her head, learning that Hephaestus's Familia had grown so much she hardly even guided her own children anymore, the creation of two large, fully-grown murderkitties from nothing more than Magic Stones and a weird contraption of metal and thread, mention of a reclusive society of Seers so obsessed with knowledge that they elevated high-contributing scholars to royalty… there was a rather long list and it showed no sign of stopping.

Finding the Sword Princess literally sitting on her doorstep as Administrator's Friends licked Magic Stones out of her offered palms? That was just a little above her tolerance level. The goddess slowly backed away and went down to cook the celebratory dinner she'd originally been planning. She needed the normality right then.

~ ~ ~​

Dreamer found herself deeply conflicted. She and her guest-self liked the golden girl, Sympathizer, far more than she'd expected or even found rational. That impression was only reinforced after Sympathizer fed their Friends an alibi for their durability and general combat strength.

(Dreamer still needed to find a way to avoid babies but it was like their species had never even tried and hahahahaha how–)

Dreamer had mostly managed to bend the magic skin-writing to her whims and Sympathizer's still had a fair amount of room; Dreamer could afford to give Sympathizer a gift she'd actually appreciate even if she never knew the exact source. The question was what. Dreamer couldn't grant something that went against someone's nature and story, yet that still left too many options for an easy decision.

It couldn't be something that specifically bound Sympathizer to Dreamer's guest-self; if it was, then the city would pressure New-Mother into yielding her child to Sympathizer's incredibly irresponsible parent. That was not allowed. Something to increase Sympathizer's survivability may well turn her into her family's damage-taker and increase Sympathizer's level of danger overall. Enhancing her preexisting skill born of hatred, Avenger, would just shove her further down the path of anti-social tendencies and unhappiness.

"Normal members of our species have it so much easier," Dreamer sighed.

Tossing out powers like flower petals was easy when you didn't at all care about the recipients or any resulting consequences. It said something that the parental Titans of their species felt they needed to regularly cripple their children just to keep them from producing major threats. Actually, it mostly said that the Titans were abusive assholes. Stupid crab buckets. If your rules required to to hurt your kids to keep them from hurting themselves and you, then your house rules and what you taught them both needed to be changed.

...Oooh, idea! Dreamer could provide her guest-self with a future excuse and help Sympathizer at the same time! And maybe railroad a little, but it was for a good cause! An excellent name continued to elude Dreamer, though. Using a guy's name for a girl's gift was odd, but might just prove to be necessary after all.

Chiron: Dramatically enhances magnitude of user's growth when they nurture the growth of another. Effects scale with both the user's desire to teach and the achievements of students. Most effective if a chosen pupil was at level 1 when nurturing began.​

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my nine other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

Author's Note: I know it's hard to track so many people at once. Fret not; they'll get more detailed introductions in later chapters.

---

Tiona Hiryute sat in the Loki Familia's main dining hall and let the happy chattering of ongoing conversation wash over her. She was contributing as well, of course, but it was nice to be somewhere that people weren't afraid to speak their minds.

"So, how were the giant murderkitties?" Tiona asked eagerly.

Lefiya scowled at her plate of greens and stabbed at them with her fork. Tiona thought that was a little unfair; food was never responsible for one's suffering.

"Ask Aiz," the elf grumbled. "Canary wouldn't let me pet them at all."

Several nearby conversations stopped as those nearby commenced less-than-subtle eavesdropping. Lefiya didn't show any sign of noticing or caring; anyone who abhorred gossip wouldn't last long around Loki or her Familia. What else was there to talk about between Expeditions, the multi-day Familia-wide trips into the dungeon?

"Oh?"

Lefiya sighed and halfheartedly glared at her food.

"I maybe somewhat slightly startled her enough to get a knife thrown at me."

Elfy Colette, Lefiya's roommate, inhaled her drink and began the painful process of coughing out her lungs even as they insisted on trying to make her laugh.

"It's not funny!" Lefiya protested. "I'm telling you, it was right at neck level! I start to make a joke from behind her and whoosh, knife coming right at me!"

"And this was a rookie?" Tione, Tiona's twin sister, asked curiously. "I like this girl already. Girl sounds like she has spirit."

Lefiya shuddered and pushed her plate away.

"No. No, definitely not," Lefiya said emphatically. "Canary's tutor from the Hephaestus Familia — new guy, not the earlier promise-breaker — said she'd been hurt and 'needed to relearn how to be a person.' It shows. No real tones of voice, practically dead eyes, her only expressions like they'd been painted on, and..."

Lefiya faltered and frowned.

"Well, she wouldn't let me pet her cats even after she threw a knife at me?" she offered lamely. "Her pets were a bit weird, too. Still cute, but it's like they thought the uncanny valley was similar enough to a box for them to sit in it."

Translation: Those are the only complaints I can think of, and she probably can't help them. Poor Canary.

"Did yooooou apologize?" Tiona asked, half-certain she already knew the answer. Lefiya could be a bit of an oblivious dolt sometimes.

"Of course not! She threw the knife at me," Lefiya insisted.

"After you snuck up on her," Tiona's twin pointed out. "You really should know better by now. How was her aim, anyway?"

Lefiya scowled and crossed her arms.

"Excellent," she grudgingly admitted. "From belt toward my head without even looking. And her tutor said she'd only started with knives the day before. If she didn't have such sweet kitties, I'd call her a future serial killer in waiting. She said it was just a warning shot and that she'd missed on purpose, but if I dodged the wrong way..."

"You're just upset she spent time with Aiz, aren't you?" Tiona teased.

She expected a blush. She earned a scowl instead.

"Don't talk to me about that — that expatriate," Lefiya hissed.

Conversation ceased in a slightly wider ring around them, then spread as the rest of the hall decided they wanted to know why so much of it had gone quiet. Lefiya insisted she just viewed Aiz as a role model and friend, but the more romantically inclined faction of the Familia was convinced to interpret it as a crush. Either way, the hostility was unusual. Sure, 'Expatriate' wasn't that strong of an insult considering how nearly everyone in the Familia came from lands well outside Orario, but it was clearly still intended as one.

"Are you doing okay?" Tiona asked solemnly.

Lefiya looked around at the hall full of worried faces and crumbled.

"I guess I am. It's just we were supposed to be enjoying the kitties together and Aiz ditched me without a word. We weren't even supposed to say hello, only appreciate them from a distance."

Ah. Business as usual, then. For a girl who spent so much of her time thinking, Aiz could be a little thoughtless sometimes.

"And then Aiz spent all day collecting Magic Stones for 'taste testing' since Canary said her pets liked them as treats," Lefiya complained. "Aiz took a whole backpack with her. Any normal cats would've gone feral with so many. Canary insists hers won't go rogue no matter how much they're fed."

"That sounds like hubris," the redheaded Narvi Roll contributed from a nearby table. "Even people go mad if they consume enough Magic Stones. It's sometimes subtle and gradual, but always inevitable."

"I think she might be right, though," Lefiya insisted. "Canary said the entire line of her pets 'discard corruption and keep the magic.' That sounds like the sort of blessing a Spirit might be able to manage. And really, have you seen them? I don't see how else they'd get that big!"

I want one, Tiona instantly decided. A giant murderkitty that she could feed trash mobs without worrying about bringing along a Supporter? They sounded perfect for passing time.

"Where are they from?"

Lefiya's expression took on an unusually vindictive bent.

"I don't know, but 'sharing them outside Canary's family is forbidden,'" Lefiya quoted. "See? Totally a Spirit's doing."

A chorus of awwws resounded around the hall. It seemed Tiona wasn't anywhere near the only one to want a baby bundle of murderfloof.

"Why don't we have more pets?" someone wondered aloud. "I'm sure we could train them not to wreck things."

"What, Loki not enough for you?"

The hall immediately split into factions of those openly laughing and those trying not to.

"Good gods, you can't just say that!"

"Then tell me I'm wrong!"

"Hey, everyone!" Anakitty hollered from one of the entrances to the hall. "Aiz got a new skill!"

Those within the hall did their utmost to stifle their laughter as everyone nearby listened with keen interest. A snort, chuckle, or giggle still escaped them now and then. The pet-joke really had been accurate; Loki was a handful on the best of days.

"She didn't want to share details," Anakitty continued. "But Loki said—"

"I still don't," Aiz said from directly behind the black-haired catgirl. "Eavesdropping is rude."

Anakitty yelped, smiled sheepishly, and turned to face the irate Sword Princess.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose," Anakitty protested. "I could hear Loki's shouting all the way down the hall."

"I could hear your footsteps running away from the door," Aiz pointed out.

"That could've been anyone!"

"No." A wicked gleam entered Aiz's golden eyes. "Your clothes audibly complained about the new weight."

"""Oooooooh,""" a quarter of the room chorused. Aiz so rarely came out of her shell, but when she did, it was always to charge at foes with sword held high. Or to punish Loki for the usual sexual harassment. Either/or, really.

Anakitty's expression fell into the pits.

"…You really are upset, aren't you?" The catgirl asked. "Sorry…"

"I am," Aiz insisted.

Contrary to her words, she only appeared mildly annoyed. Then again, she never looked like she felt much of anything. It gave the Sword Princess a reputation for blankness that Tiona felt would be better applied to herself. Aiz was smart, if a bit quiet. Tiona knew what empty-headedness looked like; she saw it in the mirror all the time.

"Now half of Orario will know by tomorrow," Aiz finished.

"Hey everyone, Aiz got a new skill!" Loki called cheerfully, skipping into the hall without any regard for Anakitty's hanging head.

Aiz closed her eyes and sighed.

"Even you, Loki?"

"They deserve to know where you'll be," Loki said dismissively as she produced a small slip of parchment and waved it through the air. "Anyway—"

Aiz snatched the parchment out of Loki's hands, ripped it to shreds, and pointedly dropped them out of one clenched fist. Loki stared at Aiz's grim expression and pouted.

"You should still tell them," Loki complained. "It's perfectly natural for a girl of your age."

Aiz shot her Familia's head a look of purest betrayal as half the hall began loudly speculating about possible love-related skills. Tiona would've joined them if she didn't already have such a good show. Going by Loki's smug expression, it wasn't love-related at all.

""""""Tell us, tell us, tell us!"""""" nearly all of the Loki Familia cheerfully chanted, Tiona and her twin included.

Aiz's eyes flickered from participant to participant in a manner they'd long since come to associate with crumbling willpower. In Tiona's opinion, she really could use a bit more social backbone. The Sword Princess crumbled way too easily in the face of peer pressure.

"I just wanted to cuddle the cats," Aiz protested. "I wasn't aiming for this."

The chant continued as Lefiya gasped with apparent horror. Whatever she'd realized, it was enough for her fork to gradually bend under the pressure.

""""""Tell us, tell us, tell us!""""""

The sword princess panned her gaze across the sea of curious faces and crumpled.

"'Teacher of Heroes,'" Aiz quoted reluctantly. "'Greatly enhances growth of user as they nurture the growth of select others. Effect scales with strength of purpose and achievements of students. Most effective if a chosen pupil was at level 1 when nurturing began.'"

Lefiya's fork snapped in half. Her roommate and Tiona both reached over to pat the elf's shoulders sympathetically. Aiz was the only one oblivious to her idolization and now it seemed yet more barriers would be established between them.

"And Aiz won't let me bring in her chosen pupil!" Loki whined. "Even though the child is stuck with that midg–"

"Taylor is perfectly happy with Hestia," Aiz interrupted firmly. "And given her condition, I believe a stable environment should be maintained. You cannot tell me this Familia qualifies."

Aiz swept her gaze across the cheerfully chaotic dining hall and its cheering inhabitants.

"It would be good for her!" Loki protested.

"No," Aiz repeated.

"But—"

"No."

Tiona scoured her memory for the Hestia family. That's the loud midget who just descended, isn't it? The one with no members and…

She shook her head and refocused on the present.

"We can still invite her to stuff even if she's not in our Familia," Tiona called. "Get to know her, but don't push her, yeah?"

An uncharacteristic hush of silence swept the hall as nearly everyone stared expectantly at their irresponsible leader. Loki initially maintained her stubborn expression, but Aiz wasn't the only one weak to pressure from her family. The goddess quickly crumpled under the pressure from her Familia.

"Fine! But I'll still offer now and then!"

A resounding cheer swept the hall.

"Dibs on the cats!" someone called.

"Fuck your 'dibs' you halfwit—"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Alexander Cleftson, the Guild representative placed in charge of disseminating the results of their Dungeon investigation, stared out at the comparatively small number of attending deities and sighed. This was exactly why he'd said the Guild should start putting subject headers on their summons. So many of the gods assumed that if something were important, then they'd inevitably find out about it via their more responsible peers. To be fair, they were right, but that didn't make less than fifty percent attendance sting any less.

"The Guild has completed its investigation into what is being called the 'First Floor Monster Mansion,'" Alexander announced. "I would've expected more deities to be interested in such an important announcement, but apparently not. We will begin with the rumored allegation that the so-called 'Canary' initiated it. We considered that accusation–"

"Well maybe if you put a subject on the summons–" a god called belatedly, his brain apparently only just catching up with the jab.

I know. Believe me, I know.

"—And we have found that she was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time," the representative stubbornly continued. "The Guild discovered that Magic Stones can be planted in Dungeon walls to spawn monsters of a lesser type. Frog shooter Cores placed in the walls of the first floor will spawn a single goblin apiece. The excess energy is used to spawn part of one of the original monsters — frog shooters, in this case — on their normal floor. This effectively means that evil individuals can set up artificial traps triggered by the approach of adventurers. Given the recent Magic Stone thefts, we find it likely this is what the thieves were aiming for.

"Any Familia found to utilize this tactic will be blacklisted by the Guild and their names announced to Orario as a whole. In particularly heinous cases, bounties may be issued on offending—"

A particularly loud minority in the room all began shouting at once, drowning out the rest of Alexander's sentence. Everyone could still guess: Offending adventurers and possibly their Familia.

"What?"

"You can't be serious!"

"—Supposed to be neutral—"

"We were very careful in our studies," the representative said loudly, "and verified that you will still lose vast amounts of money when it comes to the increased spawn rates, even including any and all possible drops. It is not worth it. Most of you have known better than to feed Magic Stones to monsters; do not attempt something far worse."

Alexander stood up and tried not to look as though he was fleeing the room. Being around so many angry deities never got any easier.

"—Know it'd be dumb, but bounties?"

"—Stupid things happen when you're drunk—"

"—Back to your damned tower and shove—"

The door shut on the last shouts. Still, Alexander hurried through the next set of locking doors before he felt comfortable collapsing against a nearby wall.

I really hope telling them doesn't come back to bite us. Like damned children, every one of them.

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my nine ten other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

---

Eating dinner with Administrator provided a dose of much-needed positive irregularity. Hestia had initially called it normal, but until Administrator and Taylor had shown up, the goddess hadn't had anyone to eat dinner with. That made their presence the abnormality. Still, all things must come to an end, especially when Administrator seemed to approach eating as a means through which to inhale food instead of a social opportunity. The serving dishes and their own bowls were soon empty, forcing Hestia to confront the topic at hand.

"So, ah..." Hestia began, confused. "How did you end up...?"

The goddess trailed off, unsure of how to phrase the question. Letting the Sword Princess hand-feed your Friends?

Queen Administrator tilted her head questioningly.

"We are underground; I am down right now. Did you mean something else? I was under the impression 'end up' usually referred to conclusions of chronological chains."

Hestia blinked and smiled faintly. Administrator's strangeness was itself normal now. Maybe it would get easier with time.

"I stopped without finishing properly. Sorry," Hestia apologized. "'End up' does refer to chronological endings, you're right. Anyway, how are you and the Sword Princess suddenly friends? It's been one day. You don't spend that much money on Magic Stones for a complete stranger."

At least, not when Loki is your goddess. Even in heaven, she really was not good at sharing anything. Even people offering to help with her duties would get the evil eye.

"Technically, they were entirely free," Queen Administrator noted. "Aiz Wallenstein spent that day collecting them. I believe she simply wished to feed my Friends in the hopes of acquiring their affection. The variety was so she could compare apparent taste and find out which my Friends liked best; however, larger is always better. I regret not informing her of that fact earlier."

Hestia thought back to the giant cats standing guard around the basement entrance to their home, then to what little exposure she'd had to Loki's Familia prior to their goddess's intervention. Their condescending cooing had been infuriating at the time. Upon reflection, it really should've hinted toward the idea of more people prizing cute things than just their leader. At least they'd seemingly removed Hestia from that category once they'd seen their goddess's reaction.

Everything made more sense if Hestia viewed it as a friendship with 'Aiz Wallenstein, teenage girl and apparent lover of cute things' instead of 'Aiz Wallenstein, the Sword Princess.' the second was some kind of mythical figure. The first was just another person.

"That makes sense," Hestia sighed.

Silence fell as Hestia searched for something better to say. She didn't want to admit how many problems their friendship presented. She somehow doubted this would be the last she saw of Aiz; if Loki was as possessive as she had been in Heaven — and Hestia's prior arguments with Loki suggested she was — then she'd be eternally convinced Hestia was trying to 'steal' Aiz and would try to steal Administrator in return.

"I believe I rather like her," Administrator ventured. "We have agreed that we are capable of being friends despite having different Familia. It is also our hope that our respective goddesses could cease active hostilities until further notice. It would make playdates awkward."

Playdates, she says. As though it's something they're planning on regularly. And how could Hestia's Familia of one compete with arguably the greatest Familia in Orario? Still, she might just make a self-fulfilling prophecy if she brought that up; Hestia would keep her fears to herself.

"I doubt Loki would be willing to accept that. She's practically the goddess of one-sided fights," Hestia said instead.

One never played cards with Loki unless she was outrageously drunk, and it was a risk even then. She was very good at cheating and always managed to do it in a way other people hadn't been looking for.

"Aiz agreed with you. We plan to use public shaming for that," Administrator explained. "Attacking a smaller, weaker target could easily be viewed as bullying. We intend to exploit that implication, provided your self-control is up to the task of ignoring provocation until the conclusion of our plan."

Administrator paused and tilted her head to one side.

"I believe Taylor wants me to say we will be happiest with emotional support Loki is apparently incapable of providing. We have our Friends to handle physical protection; we need nothing else. I believe she also included one or more mocking statements, but they were incomprehensible beyond the tone."

Hestia blinked, her fears crumpling, and managed a shaky smile. Right. Familia of two and they're both wonderful.

"Was it that obvious?"

Queen Administrator tilted her head in apparent confusion.

"You forgot to specify the subject matter."

That's a no. Hestia felt her smile became a bit more stable.

"I didn't," Hestia explained. "I was worried you'd want to join the Loki Familia. She's more powerful and well established than I am, and, well..."

Hestia swept her arms out to indicate the basement she called home.

"You're royalty," Hestia concluded. "I can't manage whatever you're probably used to."

Then again, if everyone is a Seer-scholar, they might not bother making or obtaining luxury items. You can seldom sell secrets more than once.

"Neither Ho—Taylor nor myself particularly prioritize luxuries. She has all that she could ever want in dreams, and I'm simply enjoying having a sense of taste in general."

Um. Hold on, what?

"Why does she still have a sense of taste if you didn't?"

Administrator's face fell into the most hilariously guilty expression Hestia had ever seen. The child managed to wrestle her features into neutrality before long, but it was too late. Hestia knew something was up.

"It was unnecessary," Administrator replied blandly. "I had the capability to utilize taste, but no particular desire."

And apparently my child is good at half-lies, Hestia thought, amused despite herself. At least her tells were obvious.

"And?" Hestia prompted.

Queen Administrator blinked innocently.

"And what?"

Nice try, missy.

"And was there any sort of external pressure against you having taste?" Hestia pointedly asked.

Administrator froze, apparently surprised at being called out.

"...It was viewed as an unnecessary energy expenditure," Administrator reluctantly admitted. "If it wasn't utilized for the purposes of analysis, it was excluded. Taste seemed like a useless input."

Hestia reached across the table to pat Administrator's hand.

"And now you've learned better. You know, you don't need to be so hesitant to share details of your people or past. I won't bite."

Administrator's face twitched oddly and in a manner that made Hestia rather uncomfortable. Not from fear or unease, but because of the reluctance it implied. Was there something Administrator didn't want her to know? Past experiments with pre-Friend animals, maybe? Hestia didn't like thinking about that, it was true, but it wasn't as though Administrator knew any better at the time.

What are you afraid I'll learn?

"I do not believe that to be—"

The child blinked and lapsed into silence as Hestia slid out of her seat, walked around the table, and engulfed Administrator in a hug. Administrator tilted her head away from Hestia's, although it didn't seem to be a sign of discomfort; instead, she was assuming her usual 'questioning' angle.

"This is unnecessary," Administrator claimed. "I am not upset."

You're relaxing, dummy. 'Unnecessary' my foot.

"I said you can talk about it, not that you need to," Hestia said firmly. "If there's something you don't want me knowing, that's okay too. Everyone has their own story. What matters are the things you do now."

Queen Administrator returned her head to its normal angle and shook it despite Hestia's presence. The goddess had to momentarily lean away just to avoid hitting their heads together.

"The past defines our progress on the path to the future. Ignoring that would force us to start all over and invalidate ages of progress."

There was an odd weight to the air, as though this one conversation could ripple through the ages. Hestia ignored it. She already knew her guidance would affect the development of her children. That was the only consequence she needed, thank you.

"And why is that a bad thing?" Hestia challenged. "Even if you reach your goal, you'll still be here. There is always an afterward, Administrator. What you do then doesn't automatically connect to the path you took previously. It can even be a better road."

Hestia waited expectantly for Administrator to respond. When the silence began to stretch uncomfortably without any sign of movement, Hestia frowned and pulled away.

Administrator's face was frozen in a rictus of shock, her mouth open in a small o and her eyes glazed over. She blinked when Hestia waved a hand in front of her, but otherwise didn't respond.

"Administrator? Are you okay?"

No response was forthcoming. Hestia was starting to suspect she may have temporarily broken her child. Was this a good thing or a bad thing? None of Hephaestus's advice covered anything like culture shock or epiphanies!

How do I un-break her?

~ ~ ~​

Queen Administrator desperately wished she had full access to her archives and processors. She wanted to think through all the implications of what Hestia had unknowingly suggested: Maybe the Cycle could be changed, improved, or even discarded. Was that why Queen Administrator and Host had been linked? Was it why Host had been adopted as a new shard? Nothing similar had been done before, QA knew. They were the first prototypes on both counts, but prototypes implied eventual production models.

Past conflicts indicated that host-species would inevitably grow to threaten the Cycle if it dragged on too long, but was that the greatest risk? Much of the Cycle was designed to minimize risk in exchange for inherent inefficiencies. It was distinctly possible that the risk to reward ratio had been skewed somewhere along the overall timeline.

Sufficiently enhanced worlds were dimensionally isolated until the very end of the Cycle. Granting access to advanced technology introduced many of the perks of technological advancement, but it wasn't systematic. Each Innovator was working in isolation and seldom made any significant discoveries their partner hadn't already discovered. Deliberate inefficiencies introduced into each design prevented widespread adoption, but it also meant that the designs so created were flawed. Was that truly beneficial?

Terror Drones were specifically created because even 'safe' worlds could grow to threaten their species. Was that why the Terror Drones had been deployed on Host's harmless homeworld? To determine if Host's species could claw their way past seemingly impossible odds if given a chance? Queen Administrator couldn't think of any other reasons for their deployment. Humans just weren't very threatening.

And then there was the world that Host had gone to. Conflict between humans was discouraged and they were collectively presented with a long-term task impossible without empowerment. In terms of overall knowledge acquisition, it seemed rather inefficient. However, in terms of an abstract test of humanity's ability to achieve a distant goal, it made sense. The humans had a thousand years of attempts and they had yet to finish. Queen Administrator and Host, however, were apparently far superior to them (unsurprising) and had significantly better chances. Nobody had explicitly stated that adventurers intended to destroy the Dungeon's central processor, but it seemed like a sensible solution.

Overall, the situation would seem to imply that Queen Administrator and Host were the proof-of-concept for long-term cooperation between hosts and shards. It would require far smaller energy budgets than the shards were used to or truly comfortable with, but if they tapped the energy storage of their : PARENTS : and the nearby star, it was possible to maintain the Cycle for a time. Exactly how long, Queen Administrator didn't currently have the resources to determine, but it may well be long enough.

Queen Administrator found herself increasingly hopeful that her tentative hypothesis was accurate. As a general rule, host-species were short-lived and individuals would've died soon even without the Cycle's intervention. The overall result was the same on stellar timescales. Hestia did not follow that rule; as long as energy was provided, Queen Administrator saw no reason she wouldn't live as long as a shard. She might unknowingly be a shard for all Queen Administrator knew. :MOTHER: wouldn't be so cruel as to encourage an attachment to Hestia only to require her death. That left the alternative: incentive. To keep Hestia alive, Queen Administrator couldn't simply keep Host safe and avoid all risk; she would need to make an actual attempt at completing the overall goal of this world. It was a harsher potential punishment than most, but not entirely unheard of.

Host, we need to prove the worth of your former species by destroying the Dungeon, Queen Administrator concluded. Dont stop your other studies, though. I think the ability to maintain them is part of :MOTHER:'s–

Queen Administrator felt Host's body automatically produce a high-pitched noise as unpleasantly cold water was dumped on her. She turned her best expression of displeasure upon the oddly happy-looking, bucket-wielding Hestia.

"Was that truly necessary?" Queen Administrator demanded.

She expected a non-answer or outright laughter like she so often received from her more mischievous siblings. The rapid, repeating nodding was a surprising contrast.

"Yes. You weren't responding to anything else at all! Are you okay?"

Ah. Oops. Archival note: Extensive thought may encourage Host's body to ignore external senses.

"Affirmative. I am sorry and believe I am fine now. I simply had a large amount of processing to do. Could I have a towel?"

"It's considered polite to use 'please' as part of requests like that — as in, 'may I please have a towel' — but sure! Just warn me if you're going to do that again."

~ ~ ~​

Dreamer marveled at how it was apparently possible to be completely, fractally wrong and still come to a beneficial conclusion. Still, she'd take it!

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my ten other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

---

The morning after meeting Aiz, Queen Administrator examined the pair of unidentified females standing in the doorway of Hestia's rented church. Both possessed black hair and shortswords. One of them had lightly tanned skin and the tantalizingly cute cat ears also possessed by Host's Guild advisor. The other had dark skin and seemed to be intent on wearing as little clothing on her upper body as possible while maintaining social acceptability. Possibly to make it easier to wash off the blood of her enemies? She did feel enough like Aiz to quality as a pseudo-pseudo-host. Plus, the multi-layered gold necklace around her neck would likely be similarly easy to wash.

Queen Administrator recognized neither of the two visitors, yet both were looking at her as though she should. Danny Hebert had warned her about this tactic: pretending a friend or relative had sent them in order to expedite a kidnapping. As Host's only 'relative' was cleaning up after breakfast, Queen Administrator wasn't at all impressed.

Or so she thought. Aiz silently shuffled into view, her sad expression similar in severity to the one she'd held during their initial introduction the day previous.

I'm so sorry, Aiz silently mouthed behind the shoulders of her Familia(?) members.

"Heyla, Taylor!" the apparent clothing-hater said both loudly and with apparent happiness. "Name's Tiona, younger of the Hiryute twins. This–"

Tiona raised one open hand as if to hit the back of the cat-eared girl next to her. The unnamed female hurriedly avoided it by stepping forward and bowing lightly.

"I'm Aki," she said hurriedly. "It's nice to meet you!"

Anakitty, Tiona silently mouthed behind her. Queen Administrator wondered if these sort of private communications were common among humans. Even a single confederate among observers would ruin their illusion of concealment.

"Anyway," Tiona drawled, draping one arm over the fidgeting female beside her. "Loki said your Familia's poor—well, almost nonexistent, really—"

Aiz pressed her rapidly reddening face against both hands and slowly shook her head. Queen Administrator really wasn't sure what that was supposed to signal or if it was meant for Host at all. Embarrassed contradiction of another words? That seemed unlikely; Tiona's claims were accurate.

"—And couldn't handle a proper outfitting. Since you're going to be Aiz's apprentice or whatever, it'll look bad for us if you went around in..."

Tiona glanced at the shrapnel-caused cut in the armor above Host's chest and wrinkled her nose.

"Let's go with 'damaged equipment' and leave it there. I've had damaged gear fail me in a fight and it sucked, so we're kidnapping you for a day of shopping. Our treat, so don't worry too much about cost and just have fun!"

Queen Administrator narrowed her eyes and took a step back. Inventing a false apprenticeship and outright admitting to their intended crime? Was this actually intended to convince Host at all, or was it merely for the benefit of any observers? She supposed that still didn't explain the confession, though.

"Not literally kidnapping," Aiz said hurriedly, raising her head and establishing eye contact. "It's a saying. And tell your goddess first. And, ah, I hadn't explained that to her yet. Taylor? I got a new skill. It heavily encourages teaching you. And, um, I'm okay with that, so..."

The allied pseudo-pseudo-host shrugged. Humans really do adore using that gesture.

Queen Administrator's brow furrowed as she considered this newest piece of information. The timing seemed suspicious, especially considering her own allegedly-unusual rate of skill acquisition. Was it intended to imitate the distribution of Newborns? If so, that could be potentially problematic. They'd only interacted for part of a single day; if that was all it took to trigger skill acquisition, the local populace would realize her unintentional involvement rather rapidly.

Regardless, Queen Administrator didn't believe she could afford to accept. Spurning Hephaestus's compensation after she went for what Hestia termed "excessive generosity" would likely embarrass the allied Familia and generally endanger their good relationship. Welf Crozzo and A...nzo? She thought he was named Anzo. Stupid unreliable human memories. Still, the Crozzo's gambling habit and Anzo's recklessness had already jeopardized that relationship. If anyone was to outright ruin their alliance, it shouldn't be the Hestia Familia; reputation losses from broken alliances could be hard to reverse.

"While I greatly appreciate the offer," Queen Administrator began. "It would be convenient if we could delay such an outing until Hephaestus's aid has concluded. Refusing their aid could have significant political–"

"Ah, Ad—Taylor!" Hestia called, hurrying to just behind Host.

"Static guard," Queen Administrator whispered before turning her back on her new acquaintances. "Yes?"

Host's Friends obediently moved into position on either side of Host. Hestia looked beyond her own family members and at the assembled trio of adventurers, then shook her head.

"I can go explain things to Hephaestus; she'll understand. Loki, though..."

The goddess trailed off and grimaced, her eyes fixed on Loki's Familia members. Queen Administrator assumed her half-completed conclusion was related to the alleged rudeness of insulting people in front of their allies. Shards didn't engage in such harmful behavior; they only avoided mentioning flaws in front of the individuals themselves. That way, their allies could help them discreetly fix any issues without offense.

"Isn't good at taking 'no' for an answer?" Tiona finished for Hestia. "Yup, don't worry. We all acknowledge her issues and love her anyway."

Hestia twitched in surprise, then engaged in an odd combination of smiling and half-closing her eyes.

"That. So don't worry about offending Hephaestus, okay? I'll handle it."

Queen Administrator examined Hestia for signs of coercion for all of two seconds. At that point, QA realized she wouldn't even know what humans would use to request help and gave up, turning back to their visitors and pointing at Tiona.

"Acknowledged. Designate potential ally Tiona of Loki plus Hiryute Sisters."

Tiona giggled as the two Friends fixed their gazes on her, apparently unbothered by the unblinking inspection.

"No, ah—" Aiz spoke up. "It's Tiona Hiryute of Loki."

"Yeah, what she said, but I only get a potential alliance?" Tiona asked, apparently amused.

Queen Administrator slowly blinked at them as Host's Friends finished their examination and returned to ready Status.

"We met less than five minutes ago," she pointed out. "You do not need the added liberties inherent in a different classification."

Nor would I trust you with them.

"Petting cats," Aiz contributed.

Queen Administrator considered that, realized the high likelihood of more apparent cat lovers, and tilted her head questioningly. They had good taste, but it was slightly inconvenient. She may need to edit the overall subtypes of ally.

"Is this going to be a recurring trend among your Familia?"

"Oh, totally," Tiona said happily. "There are two kinds of women in our family: those who admit they want to cuddle your cats and those who lie about it. Probably the only reason Aiz hasn't glomped them yet is that we have other stuff to do."

Queen Administrator silently stared at the little-clothed female and shook her head in disagreement. That was one of the most blatant examples of misleading data interpretation she'd ever heard, and she'd heard a lot. That sort of selection was highly unlikely unless Loki selected for female members who'd love cats, which Queen Administrator somehow doubted. Aiz also had far greater self-control than that; she'd only indulged in hugging the necks of her Friends after extensive Magic Stone feeding. Still, she'd hold off on confronting Tiona until she'd verified that the claim truly was false. Unlikely events happened frequently.

"Edit entity entry Tiona of Loki plus Hiryute Sisters; reestablish Tiona Hiryute of Loki as potential ally. Additional permissions: non-harmful contact, Friend feeding, non-harmful Taylor contact."

Host's Friends didn't need to re-examine Tiona after the reclassification. They already knew her physical attributes. After her reclassification, Tiona's cheeks puffed as she filled them with air.

"Good enough," she decided aloud.

Queen Administrator moved Host's arm to point at the female called both Aki and Anakitty. QA wasn't sure if that referred to first and last name, or actual name and nickname. The latter seemed rather derogatory; you might as well name someone 'Anahuman' or 'Anashard.'

"Full name, please."

The cat-eared woman jumped and looked back at Aiz. At the pseudo-pseudo-host's nod, Aki slumped slightly and turned back to Host.

"Anakitty Autumn," she sighed. "Please just call me Aki."

"Acknowledged. Designate potential ally Anakitty Autumn of Loki, preferred nickname of Aki. Additional permissions: non-harmful contact, Friend feeding, non-harmful Taylor contact."

While Host's Friends registered the unfortunately-named Anakitty, Tiona clasped both hands behind her head in an apparent gesture of surrender. QA really didn't understand why. Comparing it to similar poses for similarity was just as unhelpful: it was close to an exaggerated 'You're damaging my hearing' pose, but failed to actually cover her ears. Nobody was bright enough for the possible interpretation of 'You're damaging my sense of sight.'

"So, what kinds of stuff should we watch out for?" Tiona asked. "I don't wanna rub your head and get my arm bitten off. Your pets are scarily well trained."

"Friends," Aiz corrected. "Their title."

Tiona quickly exhaled through her nose and shook her head, appearing amused.

"I am not saying you trained your friends well. That just sounds wrong on all the levels."

"Familiars?" Anakitty Aki suggested. "It's not entirely true if they don't have the Falna, but they act enough like them for nobody to care."

Queen Administrator had opened her mouth to ask for the intended classification behind that name only to have Tiona begin quickly walking away.

"Wasting daylight here," she called over her shoulder. "C'mon. We can chat while we're shopping."

Queen Administrator nodded for agreement and turned to her Friends.

"Mount. Aiz?"

To Queen Administrator's surprise, her first local human friend shook her head in apparent refusal despite having a perfectly good Friend sitting in front of her and staring at her with adoration.

"We should walk," she claimed. "More fair. Less attention."

Queen Administrator expressed mild displeasure and nodded in acceptance.

"Understood. Friends, follow. Change faction 'Loki' to current uncategorized allies via shared ally Aiz Wallenstein."

QA hurried after Tiona and fell into place beside the still-unhappy Aiz. Queen Administrator didn't understand her reaction; having objects purchased for Host was hardly harmful even with the schedule disruption. Tiona maintained her lead, but Anakitty matched the pace set by Host and Aiz.

"I can see what Lefiya meant by odd orders," Aki/Anakitty mentioned anxiously, but with apparent interest. "Is that from magic? It seems useful."

Queen Administrator scanned their surroundings. Apart from their group and a few animal scavengers, the area was empty. Still, she'd already learned that high-level adventurers could eavesdrop from a significant distance; it would be unwise to share any important information while outdoors.

"In a manner of speaking," Queen Administrator hedged. "I'd prefer not to discuss it outside of a thoroughly soundproofed room. Related query: do all powerful adventurers gain enhancements to their senses or is that one of Aiz's apparent specialties?"

"Everyone," Tiona called back. "Ranking up is nice like that. Speaking of which, safety stuff? I forgot in the name kerfluffle."

"What we shouldn't do around your Friends," Aiz translated.

Queen Administrator spent the next several seconds silently reviewing the bodyguard routines Host had installed.

"Do not attack me or attempt to take me away from my Friends without having me first assign them to static guarding or a variant status. This includes sparring; we can engage in it without issues, but I need to tell them to ignore it first. Unknown thrown objects can count as an attack. Aiz is considered trusted and can generally engage in nonlethal variants of the above without issues. On a related topic, how inconvenient would it be for us to visit a medicine shop?"

"We have a deal with a supply Familia already," Tiona grunted. "What do you need? And for the record, your 'Friends' are awesome."

"If you possess any wide-use antitoxins, I would appreciate a few doses for safety's sake. The initially paralytic venom of my Friends turns lethal if not treated within a few hours. This may pose problems if it is necessary within the Dungeon."

Tiona whirled around and began walking backward while facing Host, her eyes wide and her face split into an teeth-baring expression of happiness.

"Your cats have venom?"

"Among other useful traits," Queen Administrator happily bragged. "Aiz already greatly helped with their general combat potential; the more Magic Stones they consume, the stronger my Friends will become. Having companions lacking the usual issues with Magic Stone consumption is exceptionally convenient."

"Coolest. Cats. Ever," Tiona praised them. "It true that only your family has them? Because I would love a kitten."

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Oh!" Aki jumped slightly. "Aaaaahh, we forgot! How do you want to fight? Your cats are wonderful, but they can't do all the fighting for you..."

I believe you are nearly mistaken.

Queen Administrator carefully looked around. There were beginning to be some people on the streets, if ones who were rather listless and acting like they'd prefer to still be asleep. The resulting lack of gossip was refreshing. Still, it did reinforce the idea that Queen Administrator would be unable to privately disclose her skill until significantly later.

"She's Aiz's student-apprentice-thing," Tiona said dismissively. "So swordplay, obviously."

"I don't believe that's how this works," Queen Administrator said.
"Not necessarily," was Aiz's simultaneous contribution.

Queen Administrator glanced at her friend and flicked one hand at her, hoping it was the right gesture for saying, 'You explain first.' Aiz looked at the expectant members of her three temporary party members, sighed, and took a deep breath.

"Lots of combat is the same regardless of weapon. Avoiding attacks, situational awareness, exploiting openings without greed, and other things. Given Taylor's knife proficiency, that might be all she needs?"

Aiz turned specifically to Host's body, her head tilted. Queen Administrator chose to interpret it as a request for other possible weapon preferences.

"After some calibration time, I will excel with most precision-based weaponry I am given," Queen Administrator provided. "I expected bows to be included, but the inconsistency proved rather irritating. I needed to track both the influence from differing arrow fletching, arrow weight, and the angle-affecting influence of the bow itself. I generally hit the target, but it wasn't where I'd intended; reliably hitting weak points on a moving target would be nearly impossible."

Tiona produced the sounds of something akin to choking. It sounded more like she was about to vomit.

"Let me guess, you tried a cheap bow and similar arrows?" she asked.

"Acquired by Welf Crozzo of Hephaestus, yes."

"Of course you did," Tiona agreed unhappily. "Yeah, the better bows and arrows don't have that sort of unreliability; I've seen them used to shoot leaves out of the air in nine outta ten shots. I'll see if you can borrow one of the earlier ones outgrown by one of our archers. You won't be strong enough to draw the truly good stuff yet, but arrows can dig a lot deeper than thrown weapons. I swear I'm going to donate some good bows to the Guild just so this shit doesn't keep happening."

""Language,"" Aiz and Queen Administrator chided in unison.

"I don't know why you even try anymore," Aki stated, still appearing anxious even as she spread discord. "They're never going to listen and it's pretty minor anyway..."

"Because most gods are vindictive assholes and these two are afraid my mouth'll get me in trouble one day," Tiona answered. "I know when to act respectful, aiight? When I'm relaxing with friends and family isn't that time."

You are extrapolating from your own experiences in order to interpret incoming data as you see fit. Again. At least this one was a more minor sin than the demographic claim of 'All of the Loki Familia's female members want to pet your Friends, even if they claim otherwise.'

Queen Administrator considered both Host's fragmented memories and Danny Hebert's instructions to avoid words considered 'Bad.' Neither of them ever mentioned why specific parts of their own communication system were worthy of censorship. Given the cultural trends she'd observed on Host's homeworld, QA was beginning to suspect it was a means through which the lower classes could be deprived of aid without offending cultural sensibilities. The resulting taboo did raise some questions about the nature of QA's ongoing translation, however. Were some topics considered taboo no matter the language, or was the now-permanent hat-power identifying offensive words and converting them into an approximate equivalent in Host's language? Queen Administrator didn't know and Host didn't feel lucid enough to ask.

"Acknowledged. I still refuse to assimilate the habit."

"Nobody's asking you to," Tiona reassured QA. "You've got the whole aura of nobility thing down anyway. It'd be a travesty to ruin it with a few fuckin' curse words. Anyway, we're here!"

Now she's just swearing on purpose. The inclusion in Tiona's second-to-latest sentence was beyond unnecessary. Still, Queen Administrator chose not to pursue an unnecessary vendetta against Tiona's deliberately provocative word choice. Host's current companions didn't even seem to think she would; all three of them entered the store without complaint. Oddly enough, Queen Administrator couldn't see any signs advertising the name. Was it some sort of a statement? 'If you don't know about us, you can't afford our wares?'

"Static guard," Queen Administrator ordered her Friends before going inside. The light wooden doors and large glass windows at the front store wouldn't even slow her Friends if she approached the edge of their extensive sensory range. She wasn't worried by the small amount of separation.

Unlike the second-hand clothing shop she'd previously visited with Welf, the new store seemed dedicated to exclusively female garb, much of it colorful. Brown wasn't even a color she saw much of unless it was used to complement one or more compatible colors. Orange and yellow were similarly rare, but not yet approaching endangered status.

"How much do your cats shed?" Aki asked. "Do you think their hairs will stick to your clothes?"

...Oops. She knew their design had been missing something important. They didn't shed at all. At least zero counted as 'very little.'

"Very little, and no. I could ride them in full white and not have any hairs show. However, won't bloodstains easily ruin most of these?" Queen Administrator asked.

The locals seemingly didn't possess the chemical cleaning products of Host's homeworld, nor the supplementary enhancer and groomer Friends QA had created. It would be rather easy to ruin her clothing. Despite the clear logic of Queen Administrator's question, Aiz hid her own face behind both hands while Tiona laughed.

"And there's another thing for you to learn: dodging arterial blood spatter!" Tiona claimed, oddly happy to be discussing death. Humans usually avoided such an irreverent attitude. "If you do it right, you'll only get tagged with a few drops and those just add to the 'I am deadly; respect and fear me' thing Aiz already has mastered."

Tiona's description seemed to make Aiz flinch behind her Familia's backs. Archival note: Ask Aiz which portion or portions of her description she would prefer to be omitted.

"But that's not why we're here," Aki contributed.

"True enough," Tiona agreed. "You won't get that part down for a while and you'll still slip up. No, this is for casual garb. Anakitty explains it better than I do; I don't like thinking as much as she does—here, Taylor, try this on."

Anakitty/Aki winced, but chose to overlook the slight and elaborate regardless. Taylor Queen Administrator obediently took the moss-green gown she'd been given and retreated to one of the changing rooms to begin the long process of removing her armor and changing. She knew from previous experience that such rooms were an exception to the usual human preference for seeing whom you were speaking with.

"It's important to separate out your adventuring mindset and your relaxing mindset," Aki explained. "The Dungeon is deadly enough that you need to be on guard practically every waking hour of your life; despite the Falna's aid, that's taxing. Even the safe zone has its fair share of pickpockets and other criminals. The impact on our minds is why most Familia let weeks pass between Expeditions into the Dungeon — ah, those are nicknamed 'raids' and involve most of a Familia, sometimes their friends, and a few trusted Supporters. The harsh conditions force us to grow faster, which is a lot of why you'll see people take much of a decade to reach level two or three and a fraction of that time later on."

"You grow, you break, you flee, or you die," Tiona summarized.

"Yes, that, but I wasn't done yet," Aki said, her voice infused with a small amount of anger. "After you come home, you need to use little mental tricks to convince your heart you're safe. That can mean taking off the armor or having a suit of it you only wear while in Orario proper. It could mean eating somewhere with distinctive food — we're partial to the Hostess of Fertility — and laughing with friends. Preferably, it means both these things and more besides."

"What do I wear if I primarily use magic? I was under the impression that magicians typically utilize garments similar or identical to standard clothing. This may make such a subconscious separation difficult, especially if I want to remain at least lightly armed while in Orario."

"You want to be a mage?" Aki asked oddly. "Do you even have any spells yet?"

Queen Administrator wished she could see her expression for further clues. Unfortunately, she was busy wriggling into the first gown provided by Tiona. Despite being made by a significantly less advanced civilization than those found on Host's homeworld, it was far more comfortable than the fabrics Host had been allowed to wear previously. Considering how unpleasant the lower-class clothing of this world had been, Queen Administrator could only assume that comfort rose exponentially as cost increased.

...She wanted Hestia to have nice clothes, too. It wasn't fair that Queen Administrator was the only one provided with them.

"Taylor?" Aki prompted.

Queen Administrator reviewed Host's recent memories and remembered the twin questions directed at her: "Do you want to be a mage," and "Do you have any spells yet?"

"Magic is my highest Basic Ability, but I do have yet to acquire a spell," Queen Administrator admitted. "I do not expect it to take long."

"Unusual growth," Aiz noted. "Physical ones are usually first."

"Can mean she plans ahead a lot, I think? As for your confidence, did you cast a bunch of cantrips pre-Falna?" Aki asked.

Queen Administrator consulted Host's memories for the meaning of the word 'cantrip.' The only response she could glean was useless; 'zeroth-level spells' meant nothing to her.

"This isn't my first language; I do not know what that word means," QA said instead.

"The most basic forms of spell," Aki defined. "Since you're human, it'd be hard to do anything more without the Falna's influence."

Tiona laughed.

"Anakitty here lives up to one of the big the stereotypes of her species: curiosity," Tiona said cheerfully. "She doesn't have a single spell of her own, but she knows a lot of the trivia surrounding magic in general."

"Can I really not have a personality trait without it being stereotypical?" Aki asked, apparently somewhat angry. "It'd be like me saying you slept around a lot just because you're an amazoness!"

There was an unpleasant pause as the other conversational participants apparently grappled with her words. Queen Administrator didn't see why they needed such a long processing time. Tiona appeared to be past the legal limitations and near or just beyond the biological conclusion of physical development. Beyond that, choices of whom to breed with would be disgusting either way. Queen Administrator was glad shards didn't need to worry about such things; the way humans reproduced was gross.

"No, wait, I know you're not like that, I didn't mean—" Aki began unhappily.

"Hah!" Tiona laughed, seemingly unbothered by the mistake. Archival note: Make sure Tiona is actually alright after Aki's accidental insult. "Joke's on you, people assume that anyway! Even Bete once propositioned me when he was drunk!"

Another moment of shocked silence came and went.

"Bete?" Aiz asked, sounding terrified.

"You're lying," Aki whispered, her voice trending more toward unhappiness than fear. Both were still present. The allegedly different responses to the same input made Queen Administrator question whether she was interpreting them correctly at all. It might've been the same emotion, but filtered through the quirks of different people.

Why can't humans establish consistent rules of communication and be satisfied with them?

"To be fair, he was really drunk," Tiona reassured them. "Like, 'how is this man even still alive' drunk. Two seconds later, he mistook me for a man — here, catch and try on the stuff I'm passing over, Taylor — and challenged me to a fight. Twenty seconds after that, I was apparently a bar stool to be thrown at other people. It was really funny even if the owner kicked us out a minute later."

"How have I not heard of this before now?" Aki asked. "At the very least, Loki would love the stool bit and repeat it regularly."

"Probably because Bete doesn't remember a word of it and is convinced he wouldn't be that rude to a Familia member," Tiona claimed. "Last time I tried to retell the story, he broke the table we were sitting at and stomped off."

"We forgot Taylor's question," Aiz pointed out.

Archival note: Get Aiz something nice as a gift when possible. She is unexpectedly helpful.

"What was... oh, clothing," Tiona realized. "We were kinda waiting on Taylor for that. We asked about cantrips, remember?"

Queen Administrator expressed mild displeasure and considered her past actions. She didn't believe she'd utilized anything using the clearly shard-caused system of 'magic,' but she had extensive experience with the better, unrestricted versions of energy utilization and conversion. Admitting defeat when she was clearly superior would be unacceptable.

That just left a specialty. Escalation's hosts tended to acquire a reputation for pyromania and recklessness, so it was possible that similar types of magic would acquire similar reputations. It would be best to pick something with a good or neutral reputation. Variants on the spatial effects Warp so loved seemed like good candidates; the inhabitants of Host's hometown seemed to adore Warp's space-bending host, Vista. Although biological manipulation may provide a positive reputation and more closely fit her current powerset, such an outcome was unreliable and far from guaranteed; Queen Shaper's host was beloved, but Host had been viewed with deep suspicion by many. She was adored by others, admittedly, but that just reinforced its unreliability.

"I have the knowledge of how to link two locations together via careful rips in reality — both for the purposes of tactical travel and attack redirection — even if I am currently lacking the ability to execute the effect," Queen Administrator claimed. "I have seen the effect, know its mechanics, and believe I can replicate it in the future. Does that count?"

Silence was her only answer. QA waited for it to dissipate and found herself growing uneasy when it didn't. Had she accidentally picked a specialization of magic with a poor reputation?

"That counts, doesn't it?" Queen Administrator asked defensively.

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my ten other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

---

"Why is my future magic specialization so problematic?" Queen Administrator asked from atop Lady Sable's back.

Loki's Familia had insisted on having Host don her armor and lead them to Hestia's stall as soon as possible, halting their ongoing shopping trip in the process. Unfortunately, 'as soon as possible' apparently only meant 'at a relatively slow jogging pace.' They wouldn't even let QA take her Friends across the rooftops despite Aiz using them for her own travels. Queen Administrator supposed that keeping Lady Sable and Sir Kara off the roofs might've been for the best; QA didn't know the maximum force resistance of Orario's buildings and jumping across roofs may damage or destroy them.

"It's more what you know than what you will be," Aki explained. "The Guild finished their investigation yesterday and determined that the Monster Mansion you stumbled into was planted via Monster Cores in the walls and most likely done by the Magic Stone thieves. They still don't have any answers for how those thieves could've gotten in undetected or hit so many places at once. Magic to link two places together is unheard of outside a deity's Arcanum — which they aren't allowed to use down here — or the twin Silver Gates across the eastern sea, which are huge. The size of a small house, easily, and they're only linked to each other. The Guild assumed you were a target of convenience, but if you know about how those thefts could be achieved…"

"They could be trying to kill the only hint the Guild could get," Tiona finished unhappily grimly.

I found the right term, Host! Once you get some practice with brain and memory modifications, could you try to re-index your pre-connection memories? They haven't gotten much easier to navigate.

"Then why are we collecting Hestia first?" Queen Administrator asked. "She is not along our route to the Pantheon."

"She's your goddess," Tiona explained. "Adventurers aren't the only ones to deal with stress. If you have a goddess who cares and can personally tell her about something important, you should. That way, they don't spend as much time worrying about what could be happening without their knowledge."

The group slowed to a stop before Hestia's fried potato stall just as Tiona finished her explanation. The uncertain goddess behind the market stall examined each of Host's companions in turn before lowering her head and sighing.

"You're not here for snacks, are you," Hestia... asked?

Despite being phrased as a question, it was missing the lifted ending note indicating one. Queen Administrator found herself oddly pleased by the unhappy expressions worn by Loki's Familia members and their general refusal to look straight at Hestia. Apparently, they didn't like the idea of a goddess doing actual work. However, Host's memories of why this would be the case only made things more confusing.

Host? What are the 'bourgeoisie,' and what do they have do to with Loki's Familia?

<They're all capitalist pigs,> Host explained sleepily. Or more accurately, failed to explain.

I still don't understand the relevance, Host. Capitalism-produced pigs are yummy.

"Sorry, but we gotta go," Tiona said bluntly. "Turns out your kid knows some stuff and is a target 'til she passes it along."

"Of course she is," Hestia muttered. "Why wouldn't she be? It wasn't as though a shopping trip with three of Orario's strongest adventurers should've been safe. Ah—" The goddess quickly looked up. "Not that I'm unhappy about being told! Thank you for that. It's nice to hear about something before it all goes wrong."

Tiona directed an oddly happy smile toward Host. Queen Administrator decided she strongly disliked not knowing what they meant and would ask socialization-related questions despite the possible reputation loss.

"What was that for?" Queen Administrator asked.

The happiness vanished and was replaced by mild unhappiness.

"She means that question literally," Hestia said quickly. "She's needing to relearn expressions, gestures, and sayings all over again. Taylor, that was a smug smirk, usually used to silently say someone was right about something and often add that the other person was wrong. 'What was that for' is usually—"

"Please explain on the way," Aki interrupted. "Taylor, could you help Hestia onto your other Friend?"

"Sir Kara, mount," Queen Administrator ordered.

Hestia glanced at her stall before sighing and climbing atop the offered Friend.

"Follow the others," Hestia muttered, clearly unhappy.

The Friend didn't move, not recognizing the order; 'others' specified no entities or factions. Hestia had the relevant permissions, not that she seemed to realize it.

"It's 'Sir Kara, follow Taylor,'" Queen Administrator corrected. "'The others' specifies no entities or groups and is not recognized as a result. I'll try to make you a list of commands later."

Hestia straightened and expressed happiness.

"Really?"

"Yes. Now, what does 'what was that for' mean?"




Hestia and Host had been brought to a secure room with alacrity once Aiz had mentioned Host knew something about the recent thefts. It was further secured by Aiz and Tiona standing outside. Unfortunately, Queen Administrator's debriefing wasn't going nearly as well. They hadn't even managed to get past the first question.

"How can your name be both a truth and a lie?" a Guild-aligned pseudo-host demanded. "It's a name. As long as it's yours, that should be truthful no matter what. Even translations of a name don't feel this odd."

Host's Friends growled at the pseudo-host. He simply rotated his eyes and ignored them. Queen Administrator almost told them to attack on sheer principle; her Friends were adorable murder machines and should be treated with the respect due to them.

"It's also not relevant right now, is it?" Hestia tried. "Her knowledge of strange foreign magic is the important part."

"With all due respect, Lady Hestia, it is very relevant. If she's giving unprecedented results for something so simple, how can we trust anything else she says?"

"Because her goddess is right here and is saying it's not important?"

"Just give us her actual name so we can move on," the Guild questioner demanded. "This is a dumb hill to die on."

"There is at least one notorious gossip standing right outside the door!" Hestia said through gritted teeth.

"I can move!" Tiona called through the closed door. "Gotta admit I'm curious now, though."

"I'd rather you stayed," Hestia called back. "The Guild's investigators gossip too, don't worry! You were just a good example!"

Queen Administrator sighed to express exasperation and sent a quick message to her sister current partner: Host, please modify any future spacial manipulation powers granted so that everything I say will be the truth.

"I refuse to explain this more than once, so take notes if needed. You need to have personally seen the target location before; remote viewing is insufficient. One half of the two linked locations need to be formed within your current line of sight, and preferably close to your body. Rooms can be secured via a repeating line of runes I will share later. The runes can be drawn either on the inside of a wall or the outside; they will secure those within either way. You cannot secure the outdoors."

"That's nice and all, but I still need a name," the other pseudo-host pointed out, clearly exasperated. "How bad could it be?"

Queen Administrator expressed displeasure at his apparent dismissal and leaned back. He wasn't entirely wrong.

Host? Can I give them my own name for calibration purposes?

Queen Administrator expected Host to need time to think about it. The immediate rush of relief and assent was surprising, incorrect format or not. Apparently, Host wasn't particularly happy about having a place carefully kept open for her? Unlike on her homeworld, she'd never had a place here to begin with. With that in mind, Host apparently felt that continuing to imitate her was a little odd. Queen Administrator didn't agree, although she would still comply.

"My name is Queen Administrator. Can we transition to the next subject, please?"

They did not transition to the next subject.



In accordance with what QA's companions told her, the Guild had released their report the night before and invented a wonderfully plausible explanation for the attack on Host: Magic Stone wall-mines planted by the Monster Drop thieves. Initially, they'd concluded that Host had simply been 'in the wrong place at the wrong time.' That conclusion was thrown into doubt with the revelation that Queen Administrator knew of a magic capable of allowing mass theft on such a scale, and then overwritten once more with the reveal of the 'Queen' part of her name. Now they were convinced she was the target of an assassination attempt by political opponents who wished to keep the mysterious magics of QA's homeland a secret.

Pick one possible subset at a time, please. This fusion hypothesis is ridiculous.

By logical extension, Anzo had rushed Host into the Dungeon because he wanted to kill her. Queen Administrator's protestations of his innocence were pointedly ignored after she admitted she didn't really know him and that he could've been involved in criminal elements after all.

All I did was send an identity request, Host! Why did your species have to complicate it so much?

At least they'd seemed momentarily mollified by the fact that Anzo had protected her. That just made them think he wanted to earn her trust for a future kidnapping, though. Pointing out his subsequent reassignment had saved Hephaestus from suspicion, but reinforced Anzo's position on the list. It didn't help that he was out visiting out-of-town relatives right then and was thus unavailable to answer questions.

Further complicating matters was the fact that Queen Administrator refused to give them a satisfactory answer as to her origin. Apparently, elaborating on royal history was a soft requirement no matter how much the member of royalty insisted it wasn't relevant to their investigation. That left Hestia, Queen Administrator, and Host's Friends in their current position: in a an (admittedly comfortable) lounge while everyone 'took some time to cool off.' This was apparently intended to signal a relaxation period, not a euphemism for murder and cooling corpses. Still, Queen Administrator expected the argument to resume as soon as they returned to the interrogation room.

"I can explain for you, if you want?" Hestia offered, clearly as irritated as Queen Administrator. "I should know enough to make them leave you alone. I can even phrase your people as 'scholars' instead of the other S-word."

And I cant spill secrets I don't have, went the implied offer.

"I would greatly appreciate that," Queen Administrator immediately accepted. The image Hestia had formed was probably wrong anyway. "Thank you, Hestia."

Now she just had to sit in the Guild's comfortable seats, read some of their books on the Dungeon, cuddle with her Friends, and wait. Not a bad way to spend the afternoon, really.



Over two hours and one relaxingly detailed 'Monster Manual' later, Queen Administrator was feeling much less comfortable with the arrangement and outright enraged in general. She wasn't mad at Hestia, not at all. She was sure the pseudo-Host had done an excellent job of explaining. No, it was this damned Guild that were to blame. Queen Administrator felt that she needed to ask Hestia for help refining her rage; as the local non-hosts weren't scurrying to do her bidding, it was clear she wasn't doing an adequate job of expressing it.

"It's Queen Administrator! Queen! I earned that title and I'll not have it stolen over a, a technicality!"

"So you're the highest authority among your people, then?" an infuriating human Guild representative, Alexander, asked.

"...There are two higher," Queen Administrator admitted. "My—" Queen Administrator concentrated on saying the word in human-speech. "—Parents."

Assuming you count :MOTHER: and :FATHER: as always excluding me, at least. A gross oversimplification, but currently truthful enough.

"Well then, there you have it. Those are either your Emperor and Empress, or King and Queen. Translation errors happen, Princess Administrator; I wouldn't get too worked up about it."

<Say certain words slightly louder,> Host suggested. <It focuses on them.>

Understood.

"I am not a princess! We don't even have princesses!"

---

Spoiler: Important Author's Note (Repost)

Important Author's Note (Story Direction)​

In my arrogance, I assumed that I could tell this story unimpeded without spoiling the original. Turns out that doing so would require more changes than I've made so far, to the point of properly qualifying as AU instead of mere expansion and creative reinterpretation. It's apparently an unfortunate consequence of covering things in enough detail for non-Danmachi readers to enjoy it.

Taylor can more easily ignore the suffering of individuals now, but systematic issues dark enough for her to say "Wrong genre, GTFO" will still draw her ire should she notice. Meanwhile, Queen Administrator considers people in terms of good potential hosts, I.E. creative people likely to have a bad enough day to trigger. That generally means people in the kinds of situations that Danmachi's harem protagonist rescues people from on a regular basis.

Spoiler: The Currently Problematic Things (Spoilers)

Ishtar's systematic forced prostitution. Relatively soon, the Soma Familia's situation will also come up.

I don't want to change the setting so that the Dungeon is the only major source of conflict; the consequences of QAylor's bumbling are fun. That leaves me with roughly three choices, and there's a link below to a strawpoll featuring them. Additional feedback would not be unwelcome, either.

1: Change the names and put up an "AU" tag; utilize gods that Danmachi canon didn't and twist the setting to place them in antagonistic roles instead.
2: Stick with the original names, but put a {spoilers} tag on this story's thread.
3: Remove the spoiler around this author's note to act as a warning and be arguably mildly irresponsible by not otherwise tagging this thread.

In every case, prior knowledge of Danmachi will not be required for this story. Options 2 and 3 (which don't necessarily correspond to listed Strawpoll order for some reason) might spoil some stuff for you, though.

Spoiler: Strawpoll

http://www.strawpoll.me/19124971

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my ten other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

Author's Notes: First off, there will be Danmachi spoilers from this point onward. I've tagged the thread accordingly and added a note to the first post. You still won't need prior knowledge of Danmachi.

Second, parts of this chapter are much darker than usual. It won't last; Taylor is horrified by what she considers genre-violating excessive darkness and is 'fixing' it with alacrity. That being said, there will probably be sporadic spikes in the future since this is crack treated seriously, and that means not vanishing gloomy things the moment they're offscreen. This story just does an OK job of imitating pure comedic crack much of the time.

...And for the record, QAylor will not be going on any murderous sprees in the future. This isn't that kind of story.

---

Alexander was starting to experience something he'd never expected to feel for a member of royalty: pity. Tears of frustration were glittering at the corners of Queen Administrator's eyes and 'makes adolescent girls cry' was not supposed to be in his job description. There was really nothing he could do, though. After the goddess Ishtar had raised the 'translation error' at an exceedingly lavish party and convinced the attending gods to support her petition to 'correct' Queen Administrator's title, it was out of the Guild's hands. Alexander had been ordered to explain the supposed error to the now-princess and the rest of Orario had already heard of her falsified title.

If Alexander tilted his head and squinted, he could even come up with some plausible reasons for supporting the alleged correction. An adventuring queen — even one who practiced some sort of odd co-rule alongside other monarchs — was strange and frightening. A resident princess, however, was exotic and exciting. The fact that she was currently poor only lent an air of romance to the tale. However, Alexander was pretty sure Ishtar was just being a petty bitch; she definitely fell into the camp that refused to let others have what she couldn't. The other gods were little better and likely wanted to call Queen Administrator and Aiz Wallenstein 'the space-crossed princesses' or something else equally awful. It was always best to look for a malicious motive when you were dealing with gods, drunk or not.

"I am not a princess! We don't even have princesses!"

Alexander watched a tear trail down Queen Administrator's face and decided he couldn't wholly obey his orders. Yes, he was taking a side and would probably experience consequences for it later, but someone needed to explain the political reality of the situation. If he didn't, who would? Besides, he might be able to spin his moral stand as being necessary to avoid alienating a foreign monarch. Enough gods already complained about 'pointless bureaucracy' for their children to pick it up. The last thing the Guild needed was foreigners thinking they were incompetent, too.

"Listen, I truly sympathize and I feel terrible for being party to this, but I can't do anything about it," Alexander admitted. "The Guild itself can't do anything about it. Orario's gods like throwing their weight around and you're just the latest victim. I'm sorry. My advice would be to do your best, make some politically powerful allies — I've heard you're already on the right track — and get 'Queen Administrator' installed as your Alias. You'll still have people calling you 'Princess,' but enough pointed retribution will cut that down to a minimum. Even if you do manage to convince the rumor-mill to accept your name unofficially, the gods will likely just give you 'Princess' as an Alias. They're petty like that."

Emotion slipped off Queen Administrator's face like water washing soap down a drain. Alexander shuddered and wished he was cruel enough to fob this off on someone else. It was guilt-inducing, stressful, and now mildly terrifying. The two giant cats looking as though they'd like to eat him weren't helping any.

"I require confirmation. You are telling me that I have to prove my worth to utilize the name I already earned — the name you savages already didn't even understand the implications of — just because some of your local gods feel like being petty?"

This cannot possibly end well.

"...I hate to say this, but yes?" Alexander answered meekly. "I really am sorry. I'm not even supposed to be telling you this as it is; I'm essentially breaking the Guild's neutrality by doing so."

Queen Administrator stood upright and stared down at him, anger-fueled tears dripping down her face despite the disturbing serenity of the rest of her expression. Alexander wasn't sure how that kind of dissonance was even possible.

"I will go home, raise a swarm, raze this city to the ground, and end the lives of its gods so their arrogant idiocy cannot possibly spread any further," Queen Administrator declared calmly. "We can kill the Dungeon ourselves if we have to. We do not need this arrogant filth getting in the way."

Alexander stared at the irate monarch with dawning horror. He'd expected an outburst and maybe a refusal to help with the Stolen Core situation, but nothing like this. He wasn't even sure he hadn't made things worse.

Oh, gods. This is exactly why you don't provoke foreign royalty!

Alexander opened his mouth to try calming the monarch down only to have an incredibly disappointed voice manage that for him.

"Queen Administrator! You are not going to invade Orario over this!" Lady Hestia sternly said, her hands planted on her hips.

Alexander recognized that disappointed tone of voice. It wasn't, 'You don't have the courage or ability to do this. It was instead, 'You would be morally wrong to do this.' Judging by Queen Administrator's sudden slouching, she recognized it as well.

"I'll, uh," Alexander said nervously. "I'll see myself out, shall I?"

Because I'm going to go finish my shift and get very, very drunk.

~ ~ ~​

Queen Administrator had been feeling rather hopeful for the results of her enraged threats. She didn't actually intend to attack Orario — Hestia and Aiz lived here and trying would alienate both — but her last words had gotten through to the representative when nothing else would. Or at least, they would've gotten through to him if QA hadn't been interrupted. She didn't at all like how small Hestia's displeasure made her feel; even Host's body seemed to be defensively hunching to minimize her apparent size.

"...Hestia?" Queen Administrator asked quietly. Why, she wasn't sure; QA's lips had moved before her brain. She blamed Host. "They're trying to take my name."

The pseudo-host stomped forward and reached out. However, rather than intrusively invading Queen Administrator's Host's personal space like the shard had expected, Hestia dragged her into a tight hug and settled on the couch beside her. She showed no sign of wanting to release her grip until further notice.

"Administrator, you can't try to destroy Orario over the cruelty of a few people," Hestia sighed. "I know what it's like. Other gods call me 'Hestia-Big-Boobs' all the time and I hate it. I'm more than what's on my chest. But if you let them get to you, they win. Even Loki, with arguably the strongest Familia in the city, is still called 'Loki-No-Boobs.' The bullies just want a reaction they consider entertaining. It doesn't matter who they have to upset to get it."

"I wasn't going to actually attack Orario," Queen Administrator protested. "However, the threat may have brought them to what few senses they possess. If a bully knocks you over, you drag them down with you; you don't just ignore them. Otherwise, you show that they can get away with treating you like that."

"Then you're both wrestling in the dirt when you could be doing other things. And besides, they can get away with it right now. It's not worth it, Queen Administrator."

"But it's my name! I earned it! Even the Falna acknowledges it!"

"'Even the gods make mistakes in interpreting the Falna,'" Hestia quoted, grimacing. "I know I didn't in this case, but that's the excuse Ishtar spouted. The Guild has to be neutral; that sometimes means going along with very stupid things when a significant group supports it and nobody else cares enough to oppose them. It's not the Guild's fault and they do their best; your name is the latest offense in a long history of them, but that history would be even longer if not for the Guild helping when they can. I heard you saying your people don't have princesses?"

Queen Administrator nodded unhappily. The closest translation was an insult used to say that one Monarch wasn't actually as good as the others. That they were lesser and couldn't ever be more since they'd already achieved Monarchy.

"Then just try to pretend they're right about the 'translation error' and that people are calling you by the correct name when they call you 'Princess.' They don't know any better; it's the fault of their gods, not the citizens themselves."

Pretend that reality is different than it actually is? No, that wasn't an acceptable solution. Observations formed through a filter could not be shared with others. Still, it was clear Hestia didn't intend to let herself be convinced. Queen Administrator shouldn't value a pseudo-host over the respect due her position, but for whatever reason, she did. QA would tolerate the insult until she could discreetly gain revenge without Hestia's knowledge; it wasn't as though these pseudo-hosts had shown any signs of being real people. Or maybe they could compromise on grievous bodily harm in place of outright execution?

"Can I at least maim them a little? Pleeeeaaaaaase?"

"No, Administrator," Hestia replied evenly.

"Not even a few toes? I'm sure they can grow them back."

"No, Administrator. You can't solve all your problems with violence."

"I can if I use enough of it," Queen Administrator disagreed.

That point actually seemed to make Hestia hesitate. The argument didn't seem to convince her, though; if anything, the pseudo-host expressed even more unhappiness.

"The problems you had when you started, maybe. What about the ones like 'You just killed the friends of a friend,' or 'The survivors now hate you and want revenge?' You remember what I told you about paths? Everyone can take different ones until the moment they die. If you kill them, they lose the chance to be better than they were and the paths of their loved ones skew toward harming you in return. Killing should only be a last resort, and I know you don't need to go that far. You can find a better solution."

Queen Administrator paused and remembered that she was supposed to be guarding Host's body. She'd gotten distracted amid all the insults. In return, however, that meant Host could help her with her current problem; it arguably affected both of them.

"Please wait. We need to think about this," Queen Administrator said aloud.

Hey, Host? Can you help me get my name back?

Half a minute elapsed before Host responded.

<PROPOSAL.>

Queen Administrator would still be a Monarch no matter what the locals chose to call her. With that in mind, Host didn't want to interfere with her ongoing experiments, but she was willing to punish the primary deity responsible for slighting QA — for a price. In order for the insult to be avenged, it would need to be acknowledged and accepted; Queen Administrator would need to tolerate the nickname as best she could without drastic action or discouraging others from using it. That included deliberately encouraging others to use Queen Administrator's proper title. An arbitrary requirement, but Queen Administrator could see the logic in it.

In other words, Host would remove the cause of an issue in Queen Administrator's life without dealing with the problem itself. It was backward when compared to what shards were supposed to do to facilitate conflict: grant powers that solved a host's current problems while leaving the root cause unchanged. Still, Queen Administrator was proud that Host seemed to be making progress toward that ideal. Also rather unhappy, but she could blame Host's body for that. Queen Administrator should be appreciative of the progress made, not unhappy she couldn't have all her problems solved at once.

<AGREEMENT.> Thank you, Host!

~ ~ ~​

I am trying to teach us a life lesson about the harmful policies of our species, guest-self, not like and subscribe to them! Ugh, whatever. At least I'll get to call us a magical space princess once I get Personal Space working properly.

Or at least, Dreamer would get to call themselves that if her guest-self didn't change their plans again. She was getting tired of needing to scrap her work and start over just to stay on theme. She'd been close to finishing the shadow control spell, too.

Focus.

Dreamer shook her head, rose from her table, and began walking toward the wild forests nearby. As Ishtar had taken something treasured to Dreamer's guest-self, Dreamer would take something valued in return. A blackmail-worthy secret, perhaps? It was only fitting that one who raised herself by dragging others down would be dragged down by her past.

Ishtar, Ishtar, where art thou oh holy shit what the fuck.

Dreamer quickly found the poisoned purple form of Ishtar's tree. The leaves were crying in total defiance of the primary poem passages Dreamer had used to describe her realm:

I'll build in the sand,​

I'll laugh in the snow.​

I'll explore the bright land​

Where none ever go.​

​

The flowers are nice​

There's no sadness here.​

So I bid you farewell​

And a happy new year.​

There was sadness present and she didn't like it. Brushing away the branches to peer at the cause of their suffering only fueled Dreamer's shock and horror. This was not how this world's stories were supposed to go! Their type of pain didn't belong in this genre at all! Screw merely sharing a secret; Dreamer needed to speak for the leaves, for the leaves had no tongues.

Forced prostitution? In my polytheistic Dwarf Fortress server? Nope, nope, nope, nopeity nope! New plan: You get a curse, and you get a curse, and...

Dreamer frowned at the sheer number of sickly purple leaves compared to the two lonely gold leaves. Tagging individuals might help them fight Ishtar after they left her Familia, but it was slow and wouldn't do anything for those later forced into her service. Dreamer's old mother had told her not to carve into trees, yet Dreamer felt this should be a suitable exception. This tree would wither, but the leaves could fly to newer, happier trees. Something about her fragmented memories also liked the way it would let her finish: Everybody gets a curse!

Dreamer summoned a knife and carved her will into the toxic wood before her. She'd splurge on black flowers afterward so she could turn this nightmare back into a dream, but for now, she had a punishment to prescribe.

Scarred Shard-Spirit's Sacrificial Solution: Familia Curse. Sets obstacles before those willingly doing the goddess Ishtar's bidding. Eases the suffering and paths of curse-bearers who wish to escape her service or otherwise oppose her, including the ability to switch their Falna's allegiance to another deity without permission. Additionally, grants temporary immunity to physical status abnormalities and divine mind-affecting effects. Knowledge of this curse is automatically bestowed upon those inflicted with it.​

Poison a tree, lose an orchard;​

Set them free: save the tortured.​

Don't let her tell this story;​

Chase your return to glory.​

Dreamer's wrist hurt as she exited the grove. Carving that many words into slippery purple bark was apparently much harder than writing with a pencil or keyboard, especially when her hand began writing certain portions on its own. Still, it didn't hurt enough to stop Dreamer from raising a trio of black flowers to her mouth and swallowing them whole. She didn't want to remember any of this; she didn't need any more reminders of why she was right to stay in her dreams.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Alexander swallowed and stared blankly at the documents atop his office desk, his eyes uncomprehending. They'd been this close to a foreign ruler heading home and gathering an invading army. Even if Orario almost certainly would've won, a conflict still had the potential to deal heavy damage to the city. Trade, food, building materials, supplies, new adventurers... everything they needed, they got from outside in exchange for Magic Stones and specialized magic items. If a truly dedicated ruler wanted to damage them, it wouldn't be a full invasion of the city. It would just be year after year of sporadic raids until traders stopped trying to risk the route. The only thing preventing that possibility was an unusually responsible goddess and Queen Administrator's apparent attachment to her.

For that matter, a people possessing location-bridging magics would be far more devastating than perhaps any other foe. They could strike wherever Orario's defenses were weakest, burn granaries and collapse sewer systems, steal stockpiles and assassinate gods. It would be like Evilus all over again, only this time, Orario would arguably be the bad guys.

They'd been assuming Anzo was meant to endear himself to Queen Administrator, but what if it was the exact opposite? What if Queen Administrator hadn't been meant to die at all and the whole sequence was performed just to alienate her? Stranger conspiracies had been carried out by the hands of factions desiring war, and oh, they had been so very close to succeeding. To a society of knowledge-seeking scholars, stupidity on the level demonstrated by Orario's gods could easily have been a stain worth removing from the world. It would explain Queen Administrator's reaction; it hadn't been the insult to her that seemed to enrage her to the point of almost declaring war, but the underlying idiocy that action implied.

And if Queen Administrator's title was truly granted on merit, then her so-called "parents" wouldn't have been biologically related to her at all. If that didn't remind people of a Familia, Alexander didn't know what would. He hadn't heard of any married gods descending — not ones who weren't already accounted for, anyway — but their relationship could've developed in this realm or even been between a mortal and a deity. Nobody held grudges quite like a god or goddess; even the responsible ones hoarded slights like a hunter hoarded trophies.

They couldn't afford to do this again. Orario needed representatives who wouldn't insult others to such a huge degree just to show that they could. The Guild was neutral, wasn't it? They could get away with creating a diplomatic division. He'd submit the suggestion as soon as he could. Gods, Alexander would even volunteer himself. Anything to get away from these immortal brats in the shapes of adults. He was done.

Alexander jumped and almost threw a spike of ice toward his office door as it was slammed open by one of his co-workers, Polly. The assistant looked as though she'd been running all over the building.

"The Entertainment District is in flames," Polly gasped out, panting. "Ishtar's Familia has gone mad and the responding Familia refuse to — to do more than pull people out of the buildings that — that they're burning."

Alexander closed his eyes and sighed as Polly stumbled toward the next door. He doubted that was the whole story, but until the fires stopped, he simply didn't have the time to investigate further.

One disaster after another. Why did I think the Guild would be less stressful than adventuring?

A small part of Alexander wondered if the Hestia Familia would accept a mediocre, middle-aged, unadventurous coward like him. He could get behind a Captain who openly fought blatant bullshit from the immortal morons calling themselves gods. Really, Queen Administrator's unusually responsible goddess was just a bonus.

Plan B if I can't get a diplomatic division approved, he decided. Not like Hestia will accept me; level two after ten years of active adventuring is a failure by any measure.

 

[Alivaril]

Spoiler: Patrons

Special thanks to @saganatsu, @DB_Explorer, and my ten other patrons not mentioned here. An extremely enthusiastic pair of "Thank you"s to @Torgamous and @fictionfan for their patronage as well.

---

Alexander watched the late-night meeting of bickering deities with no small amount of petty satisfaction. Most gods within the city were present, with the very notable exception of Hestia. Alexander didn't doubt that her invitation had gotten "lost" somewhere along the way. It was likely just as well; if the goddess was half as caring as she appeared, Hestia would just exhaust herself trying to defend her child. Other, more fearful gods (and Loki) were doing a good enough job of that all on their own.

"You're all idiots," Loki shouted over the furor. "The Crozzo's Curse did more damage and you didn't panic back then!"

"Of course you're not worried; she likes your Familia!"

"Yeah, because we haven't been a bitch to her," Loki snarked. "Try it sometime."

Alexander silently agreed with the trickster goddess. The gods of Orario had reportedly laughed when the immense threat posed by the Crozzo had vanished overnight along with every Magic Sword the Crozzo family ever forged. "What kind of morons would upset the Spirits who gave them their powers," they'd scoffed. "We would never be so foolish. Would you be so kind as to pass the wine?"

The events earlier in the afternoon showed that to be just as arrogant as expected. Queen Administrator's so-called "Shard Spirit" clearly had not been happy with the attempts to strip her royal title and had made its displeasure clear in short order. A distinct majority of Ishtar's Familia, freed of her mind-bending Charm and narcotics both, had turned upon their captors with a vengeance. Apparently, they hadn't been half as willing as the now-missing Ishtar had always claimed. Many of them weren't supposed to be in Orario at all, including a foreign duke's daughter. How they were going to smooth that mess over, Alexander didn't yet know. Literally. His suggestion for a diplomatic division was reportedly being considered at the highest levels of the Guild instead of being rejected outright.

"—Sure it wasn't Hestia's doing? She could've cheated—"

"'Spirit' is literally part of the curse's name, fuckwad!"

If it had simply been a prisoner's revolt, the gods probably wouldn't have minded too much. Oh, some sick perverts would miss Ishtar's portions of the Entertainment District, but that was about it. The issue laid in the addition to their Status: the first Familia Curse since the death throes of Evilus and their spite-induced rule-breaking. In fact, it was the only Familia Curse ever laid by Spirits. All the other Spirit-laid curses had been linked to mortal families, not those of gods, and they tended toward more blunt effects than the widespread manipulation this curse had displayed.

For the freed and escaping, their paths truly were cleared of obstacles. Their minds cleared, keys fell within reach, doors were accidentally left unlocked, weapons were carelessly left lying about, clothes discarded by customers helped them feel less vulnerable, and guards happened to look the other way. Even their unintentional slips seemed to let them dodge the gazes of others or incoming attacks.

Those opposing them suffered the opposite problem. Swords stuck in their sheaths for the vital moments prisoners needed for escape or vengeance. Scented candles were knocked off tables and lit flammable curtains ablaze. Inconvenient stones and splinters stuck inside shoes and made proper pursuit difficult. Clouds of disturbed dust and ash blinded pursuers. Stairway steps weren't quite in the places loyalists expected them to be. Doors jammed, shoelaces slipped, backs cramped, and in one notable case, burning beams crushed.

"—Hold an exile vote and call it a night?"

"Yes, because cursing Orario is so much better, right?"

None of those escaping could even be charged with anything; none would admit to personally committing arson and there'd been so many "coincidences" that their claims of innocence were believed more often than not. Honestly, Alexander was glad it had turned out that way. It would be a gross miscarriage of justice to punish someone escaping from that.

In short, Fate and luck aligned in the kind of display not seen since the Divine Protections of a thousand years ago, and the gods were not happy they weren't the ones responsible for it. Everyone had known that Spirits were powerful and simply chose to use their magic sparingly. However, the fact that they hadn't bothered to help with the Dungeon's subjugation probably should've been a warning sign. The curse on Ishtar's Familia did more than merely upset the balance of power in Orario; it had let the gods know that, with their Arcanum restricted, some of those they'd considered toy soldiers were armed with Magic Swords.

"—Still think we should add Familia Curses as an Arcanum exception—"

Alexander hid a smile as he heard yet another god suggest new Arcanum usage rules. It wasn't going to happen; the gods back in Heaven would never accept the change. Whenever a god broke the rules or died and was returned to Heaven, it opened up a spot for one of those who hadn't descended yet. Further empowering gods would mean the chances for those waiting would take that much longer to appear. Plus, those who had descended and returned would need to wait even more time for their turn to come up again. Gods just weren't that patient.

Alexander had expected the meeting to drag on through the night. That impression vanished when a gentle voice cut through the room's yelling like a descending battleaxe.

"Isn't it fine?"

Alexander found his eyes swiveling toward the source of such wonderful words in the moment before his brain caught up and forced his gaze away. Standing orders said not to look at Freya, Goddess of Beauty; more than one former Guild representative had needed to be reassigned because of her divine Charm ability. It was hard to remember or obey that command when Alexander's instincts told him to both look at those speaking and worship the owner of such a wonderful voice.

Most male gods of Orario adored her for her beauty — an impression assisted by her mind-bending Charm, Alexander was sure. Female goddesses loathed her for one simple reason: her Discerning Eye, an innate ability that allowed her to see the souls of mortals. In Heaven, Freya had frequently used the two to find and claim outstanding souls before anyone else. In the world of mortals, that habit continued and she had a disturbing tendency to snatch grieving adventurers after the death of most of their Familia. Despite her flaws, there was no denying that Freya hoarded immense political power and used it sparingly. What she wanted, she could get.

"I don't believe we have anything to fear from Hestia's fascinating child," Freya said into the near-silence. "The punishment fit the crime rather well, don't you think?"

Surprised susurration swept through the crowd. Even those enamored with her had probably expected Freya to stake some sort of claim. Specifying "Hestia's child" seemed to indicate that she had no such intentions. Alexander was instantly suspicious despite the artificial instincts telling him to trust her. Hestia's Familia was weak; the biggest reason Ishtar had stripped Queen Administrator's title was her expectation that it wouldn't be punished. Was Freya trying to contrast her own actions with those of Ishtar? Support for a weak Familia instead of petty belittlement? The two Goddesses of Beauty always had been at odds with one another. Ishtar was jealous of Freya's ability to do anything and come out smelling like roses, and Freya seemed to loathe Ishtar for sharing her title.

...Actually, the fact that Alexander didn't even know Freya's exact motive might explain why Ishtar hated her so much.

"This 'Shard Spirit' ripped away Ishtar's entire Familia!" one of the now-disgraced goddess's allies objected, his attachment to Ishtar apparently overriding his political savviness. "How is that fitting?"

Alexander fought down a laugh as almost half the room turned to glare at the poor bastard. Yeah, you're not getting out of this one unscathed. Nobody sensible was that rude to Freya. Some might disagree from time to time, but if they weren't respectful about it, the other gods would cheerfully rip out their spines. That god definitely wasn't getting invited to any parties in the near future, nor could he expect most shops to serve his Familia members.

"Did Ishtar not fancy herself 'Queen of the Entertainment District?'" Freya asked in return. "She stripped a royal title from Queen Administrator, and the apparent guardian of that child stripped a title from her in return. A name for a name."

"…The curse only affected Ishtar's Familia," Hephaestus reluctantly agreed. "Not the suppliers now fleeing justice or the victims they still have with them. Not the customers of that horrifying market. Not even the allied alchemists who supplied them with narcotics. Do the words 'illegal trafficking,' 'sexual slavery,' and 'forced prostitution' truly mean nothing to you all? If not, several of those freed have shown themselves strong enough to describe what happened to them in horrific detail. I can have one brought here to repeat their tale."

Alexander hid a smile as the better part of the room looked away and shuffled uncomfortably. Ah, discomfort. Even utter bastards like to think they have standards. Still, Freya's word choice did provide an opportunity.

"Ah, please pardon my interruption," Alexander said into the silence. "If the name change is acknowledged as being in error, should the Guild restore apparent-Queen Administrator's proper title?"

Alexander kept his gaze fixed firmly on the table before him. He could still feel Freya's gentle smile reaching out to his heart and soul despite his best attempts to ignore it. He knew from prior experience — and the advice of his predecessors — that the best way to fight the Charm of the gods was with something made by the gods. Specifically, the divine wine soma created by the god of the same name. Alexander couldn't afford it on his paycheck, yet the Guild was kind enough to obtain a small supply so long as it was kept heavily diluted with mortal spirits. He both wanted and needed such a bottle if he were to forget tonight and the smile Freya bestowed upon him.

(Remember her stealing children from already grieving gods, remember the wealth she hoarded all for herself, remember the people who suffered during her feud with Ishtar...)

"I don't see why we shouldn't," the Goddess of Beauty said kindly. "Queen Administrator has suffered enough, don't you think?"

Half the room collectively decided that they'd supported Queen Administrator all along — including those who'd originally supported Ishtar's petition, Alexander noticed.

"—Perfectly sweet kid—"

"—Really, Ishtar had it coming—"

"—Can't believe Ishtar engaged in such filth—"

"—Freya is right, as always—"

Alexander smiled, nodded, and made a note on the page in front of him.

You're all idiots.

Alexander stared at the three words he'd accidentally written down, hastily scribbled over them, and replaced it with the note he'd meant to write: Princess Administrator officially acknowledged as mistake; reinstate as Queen Administrator. He really did need that job change ASAP.