Huh, I completely forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me about it, I guess.
It wasn't meant as something strictly "serious" or "concrete", for lack of a better word, just something to prompt the consequent sequence of events. Thought that could be achieved just by QA casually throwing the curveball in the middle of dinner I guess, wouldn't even be all that out of character. Or show her worrying over Dreamer's safety and saying that Friends won't cut it against shards, not by a longshot.
Then again, who knows what you can make with MonsterRocks(TM) from the lower floors.
Author's Note: A louder than usual "thank you" for all the patrons who stuck with me despite the dry spell. It encouraged me to resume writing as soon as I was properly medicated again.
Host's Queen Administrator's local body still felt unusually energetic as she exited the guardrail-free spiral stairway of Orario's Dungeon and entered hostile territory. She was now fairly confident that Host's former body thought it was in danger. Hopefully, Queen Administrator would be able to exploit this condition before any harmful side effects occurred. Without proper archival access, the specifics of those side effects largely eluded her; at least she remembered they existed? She could research the details as long as she knew something was a problem.
Aiz had refused Queen Administrator's offer to ride Sir Kara and currently walked beside her. Truthfully, Queen Administrator was glad for the reprieve; Host's Queen Administrator's temporarily elevated reflexes would not appreciate the close proximity.
"Do you want to talk about what Dreamer said?" Aiz asked.
Queen Administrator gave the idea due consideration. She was allowed to discuss such things, wasn't she? Or more accurately, there was nothing stopping her from doing so. She didn't need permission. Unfortunately, that led to a grimmer conclusion: permission existed for some very good reasons. Without preexisting rules to follow, Queen Administrator would be forced to rely on her currently-constrained judgment.
She was confident that her new primary priority was the long-term defense of her colony; that would be a necessity no matter what Dreamer decided. However, Queen Administrator wasn't entirely certain that she was meant to be tasked with finding future shard candidates. The lack of information was likely itself part of an evaluation by Dreamer, true, yet that didn't make the uncertainty any more comfortable.
And what was her colony, anyway? Did it still include the former component shards of :MOTHER: who'd abandoned their responsibilities? The living energy thieves such as Broadcast? The lazy leeches with excessive access privileges, Harvest included? While Queen Administrator might harbor feelings ranging from mild dislike to outright hatred for a number of shards, she seldom wished for their outright destruction.
In many ways, Queen Administrator was leaving these decisions up to the inexperienced—and possibly impaired—judgment of Dreamer herself. Neither inexperience nor impairment made for comfortable conclusions. QA would need to speak with her favorite little sister about the importance of expert advice and group accord.
And yet, former policy would have resulted in ignorance of this world's properties. So perhaps that, too, was flawed. It was clear QA's colony should have allowed less weight to be allocated toward shards specializing in self-preservation, yet that didn't provide a clear path for what the new system should be.
"We could just fight instead," Aiz tried.
Queen Administrator refocused on a single word: fighting. Locally, it was the clash of teensie-tiny weapons and the occasional irregular effect. Both types of attacks would barely even qualify as irritants to her primary body even before self-defense systems were taken into account.
In the absence of any of QA's other relatives, the local population of pseudo-hosts were likely the only significant threats on this world and 'gods' did not participate in combat. Most importantly, they could not bring their powers to bear without the agreement of those nearby and those still in 'Heaven.' Between the low processing speeds of local intelligences and their comparably slow communication methods, QA's preexisting defensive systems should provide more than enough warning for Dreamer to engage in a preemptive strike or outright evacuation should either course of action prove to be necessary.
:MOTHER: might not exist to provide overwatch, but it seemed as though Queen Administrator would be safe regardless. Possibly safer than she'd be among her own siblings, actually; more than one of them had attacked her upon perceiving a weakness in her defenses. A small number of those attacks had even been sanctioned.
Besides, a statistically significant number of gods appeared to be idiots. They might be collectively incapable of acknowledging the existence of an actual actionable threat no matter what mistakes Queen Administrator made. To further minimize the risk, QA briefly scanned the area and nudged Sir Kara into doing the same. Twin pats from his tail indicated the presence of two nearby humans — or just one, after excluding Aiz Wallenstein. An acceptable number of potential eavesdroppers, the Monarch felt.
"My…" Queen Administrator focused on saying the word solely in human-speech. "Mother was charged with overseeing all of Her subjects. She watched everything all of us would ever do and would often manipulate events to achieve the ideal outcomes for our collective good. Sometimes, this was done by punishing or selectively constraining one or more people. In the event of rule-breaking, compliance was often rendered effectively mandatory through the use of what Hestia insists on calling 'mind control.'"
Queen Administrator glanced at the gold-eyed pseudo-pseudo-host beside her. Aiz Wallenstein's eyes had opened wider than usual, but there were no other visible symptoms of fear, horror, or other negative emotions. It was safe to continue.
"Dreamer has informed me that M—Mother will no longer be doing that," Queen Administrator concluded. "She doesn't even know where we are. Additionally, She is engaged in non-reversible dereliction of duty, and it doesn't even matter since Dreamer still managed to achieve Her intended goals. I am currently attempting to adapt to this new state of affairs."
Left unsaid was the full list of ideas that she was trying to adapt to. Theoretically, Queen Administrator could say whatever she wanted. She could do whatever she wanted, even; if she really wanted to, she could get Host's old body killed and do whatever she wanted with her true self. Short of actually attacking her siblings, which :FATHER: would likely stop, there were few options that were genuinely unavailable to her.
She didn't want to do any of that, though. Queen Administrator had been a shard her whole life, but she'd never gotten to be a host-species. She liked working under their constraints, enjoyed operating with such minuscule energy budgets that she could use the whole thing without encountering sustainability problems.
Humans were definitely flawed and aspects of their lives irritated her on a daily basis, but... well, she'd previously thought of her current situation as something strictly temporary. It was irritating because she was comparing humans to her primary body and finding humanity wanting. If she was actually allowed to be in Host's old body for a longer period of time, she could actually tolerate those flaws; the limits of humans would just be the baseline challenge conditions instead of belonging to a fragile fleshsack she was temporarily maintaining for its actual owner. She was allowed to improve, and the high number of human flaws meant Queen Administrator could easily continue improving for a large period of time.
Sir Kara automatically halted in response to Aiz stopping herself. The pseudo-pseudo-host did not appear particularly happy. Past reactions made it likely that she was unhappy with :MOTHER: instead of QA herself, yet it was still uncomfortable.
"You might want to take the day off," Aiz recommended quietly. "I apologize for pulling you away like this; I believed the distraction might help."
Queen Administrator tilted her head at the Hestia-advised angle for confusion.
"No apology is necessary. Proximity to other members of my family is likely irrelevant for the current situation; only processing time is necessary. In addition, my body seems to think I am in danger and is altering my condition accordingly; efficiency dictates that we should exploit this state."
Aiz silently examined Queen Administrator for several seconds before shaking her head and waving back the way they'd arrived.
"This is a lesson now," Aiz decided. "You shouldn't head into the Dungeon when you're distracted. Not unless you have to. We don't. I think your goddess will want to be with you for this, too; Familia is family first."
Queen Administrator incremented the angle of her head to indicate even greater confusion. It may not have been the intended purpose of head-tilting, yet humans seemed to have plenty of practice interpreting irregular methods of communication. Perhaps the message would be conveyed regardless.
"Didn't you say that you thought I could use a distraction?"
Aiz shook her head.
"That's distracting you with combat. You don't need that. You shouldn't be distracted from combat."
Aiz frowned and uncharacteristically reached for the back of her own neck. It took QA a moment to realize that the gold-haired pseudo-pseudo-host was trying to pet Felicity; relations to similar gestures were likely coincidental.
"We should've tried sparring first. I'm sorry; I was selfish."
Queen Administrator tilted her head further. Briefly. The shard straightened her neck after such a sharp angle proved to be unexpectedly uncomfortable.
"I do not understand the connection between an attempt at assistance and selfishness. You have been providing training to me without demanding payment; even if inefficiencies or impatience are introduced, the fact remains that you are choosing to dedicate time toward helping me. The net result is firmly in my favor.
"Despite any possible risks, I do not believe that it was a mistake to pursue combat today. Dreamer requires additional Magic Stones to make her own Guardians combat-viable; the sooner I can gather a suitable number, the safer she will be. Lili—"
Queen Administrator forced herself to stop. She'd forgotten about the possible eavesdropper so far. A quick review of her memories indicated an absence of any obviously incriminating statements so far, although she probably shouldn't mention the traits of Lili's future bird-Friend. The pallum had wanted its combat viability to be an unpleasant surprise for any attackers.
"I'll get them," Aiz replied firmly. "It's fine. I already wanted to feed Felicity, and I can go deeper alone."
Queen Administrator briefly reviewed possible objections before deciding to discard them. The mass and value of Magic Stones seemed to increase drastically as one went further into the Dungeon; even with only a partial share, it seemed likely that Aiz could gather far more Magic Stones than QA could. The minor hit to personal combat experience was well worth the trade.
Plus, staying at the Hestia home sounded surprisingly pleasant right about then. A side effect of her body's fading danger response, QA felt; if humans were weakened afterward, it seemed reasonable that they would want to shelter in the safest place they knew of.
"Understood. Your assistance is appreciated."
~~~~~
Pulse may have been unnecessarily harsh in her assessment of the Dungeon's actions. After watching a party of invaders engage a small swarm of defenders, she'd realized that the defenders in question seemed both stranger and stronger than the ones she'd previously fought. In hindsight, the primary clue had been rather obvious: despite being on a significantly higher floor, the collateral damage caused by those higher-floor defenders was comparable to defenders fought by Pulse on deeper floors.
Further investigation revealed that the versions Pulse fought were simply inferior to those aimed at invaders. Standard defenders were faster, sturdier, and stronger; they did not hesitate after landing a stunning blow; their attacks often chained together more effectively; damage was sustained more easily; and they did not avoid aiming attacks at heads of invaders. They might deal severe damage to Pulse's body, yet they'd never actually killed her.
Such revelations had rather effectively wrecked Pulse's attempts at threat analysis. She'd assumed that she could defeat most invaders on a given floor if she could kill the defenders found there. If she'd actually acted upon that assumption, she would likely be dead. Pulse didn't even have any guarantees that her chosen combat methods and personal improvements would be viable in a genuine battle for survival; she may have been pursuing pointless paths the entire time. She didn't like it.
The knowledge of such 'mercy' did little to actually endear the Dungeon to her, though. As Pulse grew closer and closer to the surface, she was finding it easier and easier to survive. Existence was less painful, combat became only a fraction as stressful, constant vigilance proved unnecessary, and progress grew easier.
In other words, the further she got from the core of the Dungeon's power, the better her life became. Her instinctual loyalty to the Dungeon was simply insufficient in the face of such a comparison. Fortunately, her allegiance was not necessary for any of the tasks she'd been given; the Dungeon could still use her senses as its own even if she loathed it. She wasn't quite to that level just yet, although she still didn't intend to return to the Dungeon if at all possible. She'd even sacrifice her (possibly flawed, she now knew) visible upgrades if it was necessary for her own safety.
That was a last resort, though. Even if magical storage might not be as effective in an actual fight as she thought it was, she still liked how she looked. This assessment had no logical grounding that she could find; she just did.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Queen Administrator was starting to understand why Host Dreamer had hidden prior suffering from Danny Hebert. Seeing Hestia worry was quite unpleasant, especially when it seemed to have been entirely preventable. QA could've just stayed in the Dungeon and given the illusion of normality until it became the truth. Instead, Hestia had displayed concern from the moment Aiz Wallenstein dropped off QA.
Unpleasant or not, though, the shard did have to admit that Aiz's offer remained a good deal. Hopefully, the pseudo-pseudo-host would return with enough Magic Stones to allow for the immediate protection of the entire Familia.
"Do you want me to make you something to eat?" Hestia fretted. "Aiz is paying me enough that we could afford some treats. And, um, I am the Goddess of Hearth and Home! I know what we've been eating is simple, but I can cook a lot of dishes you might enjoy. Even if you don't know what they're called, you could try describing them…?"
Queen Administrator shook her head and amended her hopes. It was undeniably greedy, yet she rather hoped Aiz would provide enough material for both the Friends and for Hestia to stop needing to justify minor luxuries.
"I am not especially hungry, and Aiz purchased a snack on the way back. Lunch can wait. In general, I believe I will be fine; the information provided by Dreamer was surprising, but not harmful. I merely need to spend time reassessing our overall objectives and how I am supposed to contribute to them."
Hestia blinked and automatically pulled Queen Administrator into a hug. Or at least, what QA originally thought was intended as a hug. QA soon found herself being pulled over so that Host's her head ended up atop Hestia's lap. It wasn't outstandingly uncomfortable, QA would admit, yet she was fairly confident it was wasted on her.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Queen Administrator wasn't sure, but thought it was obvious that Hestia wanted to talk about it. QA didn't dislike the idea enough to object.
"Conversation would be acceptable."
Hestia frowned slightly and started stroking Queen Administrator's hair. QA resisted the urge to ask if the goddess had washed her hands recently. Any relevant contagions had likely already been transferred, and the question would likely cause Hestia some distress.
"You don't need to force yourself," Hestia asserted. "I just think it might help."
Queen Administrator opened her mouth and paused. She'd genuinely intended to signal agreement; the fact that Hestia interpreted it otherwise seemed to indicate that QA had used too much deceptive phrasing in recent interactions. It was possible that the goddess had noticed and realized the importance of exact wording.
"Do you recall our prior discussions regarding magical control methods and the implementation thereof?"
Hestia flinched from an invisible blow, but nodded.
"The purpose of those were twofold: to ensure our safety, and to ensure we pursued our overall goal as effectively as possible. The closest translation for the being responsible for enforcing this was 'Mother,' and she could simultaneously monitor and manipulate all of us. This is no longer possible; Dreamer has found what is necessary to properly complete our goal, and Mother is engaged in non-reversible dereliction of duty. These two facts do not possess a cause-effect relationship; the rest of my relatives are allegedly unaware of Dreamer's success. Given the circumstances surrounding said success, I can believe that they remain clueless."
Queen Administrator paused to let the wide-eyed goddess process that information. When the goddess started to open her mouth to reply, QA continued.
"I could personally solve the problem if I only needed to reform and replace Mother. However, Dreamer has rendered such an entity largely unnecessary and seems content to handle all necessary infrastructural improvements herself. My current distraction is caused by my attempts to determine what I should do given the recent paradigm shift."
Hestia shifted and bit her lower lip.
"Why are you harming your own mouth?" Queen Administrator immediately asked. "Pain is unpleasant. I don't understand why you would inflict it upon yourself."
Hestia twitched and stopped biting the lip in question. Oddly enough, the question also seemed to make the goddess smile slightly.
Archival note: Ask about behavioral and communication quirks when Hestia is unhappy.
"It's a fidget. Something we do without really thinking about it? Or if we bite harder, some people use the pain to help them think or distract them from something unpleasant. You don't really need to worry about it."
Hestia paused, her brow furrowed, and visibly attempted to corral her thoughts. It seemingly took several seconds before she reestablished an awareness of what they'd been discussing.
"Right. Um, you don't have to answer or anything, and please tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable. Okay?"
"Understood."
The goddess took a deep breath.
"Your old… goal," Hestia began slowly. "Is that something you're willing to tell me about?"
Queen Administrator seriously considered the idea. Gods likely had no concept of the law of conservation of energy; their magic violated it on a routine basis. Given Orario's track record, QA would be entirely unsurprised if attempting to explain it would make Hestia think that they were pursuing something horrifying.
"You are lacking the context that would make an explanation viable," QA tried, lowering her voice's pitch (not Host's voice, hers!) to attempt an apologetic tone. "I will say that it will generally lead to positive results for intelligent entities and reality in general. The topic can be overlooked without negative consequences."
Despite QA's frequent difficulty with human facial features, she was fairly confident that Hestia's resultant expression reflected severe doubt. Her next words seemingly confirmed it.
"Dreamer isn't actually done, is she?" Hestia asked oddly. "You say Dreamer found everything you needed, but is it that she's only reached an important milestone?"
A tiny part of Queen Administrator immediately disliked the phrasing. Only, Hestia said. As though shards hadn't needed to extensively scout the universes for a method of allowing unending growth. The conditions may have made the task easier for Dreamer, yet achieving the goal itself was not something that should be dismissed with an only.
"The start was the hardest part. The rest is a matter of optimization and refinement. Refinement is, however, a process that will likely take hundreds of years before we have difficulty with further improvements; that, I believe I can largely leave to Dreamer without significant issues."
Hestia exhaled and relaxed for little discernible reason. Perhaps she was disturbed by the idea of an adolescent managing what an apparent nation could not? Personally, Queen Administrator blamed her idiot siblings for making that necessary. Anyone could've learned to exploit magic if other shards hadn't been so unreasonably cautious.
"But you will live that long?" Hestia abruptly asked, switching her attention with no apparent warning.
Queen Administrator paused and decided to violate her human guise just a tiny bit.
"We will. So will you."
Because if you're sent back to Heaven, then we'll just get you back.
Hestia giggled and smiled. Apparently, the goddess hadn't understood the intended implications of QA's claims. Queen Administrator saw little reason to enlighten her.
"I'm a goddess, silly. Death isn't something we can do; we'll just reform back in Heaven. And, um, please remind me if I forget to talk to you about goals later, but—that discussion back in the clothing shop? You were talking about this body, weren't you? The one you used to call hers?"
Queen Administrator paused for processing. She honestly had not expected anyone else to properly interpret that. A better method of coded human communications would need to be developed.
"We were," Queen Administrator carefully agreed.
"You're not happy with yourself?"
Enlightening. Hestia appeared concerned that QA may possess the same sort of body-image issues as Host. She didn't, not exactly; she had some changes she wanted to make, but not because Host's old body was a particularly poor example of a human being.
"I want fuzzy ears."
There was a long and uncomfortable pause. Queen Administrator closed her eyes and wondered if the goddess would be as resistant to the idea as Dreamer had been. Honestly, it was like they were physically incapable of grasping the idea that fur might be more comfortable than skin. Either that or they thought their own sensory organs were automatically superior, which was silly; automatically evolving species seldom had optimal anything.
"Fuzzy... ears?" Hestia eventually asked, sounding faint.
"I like their appearance and properties," Queen Administrator admitted. "It would not be dissimilar to making H—myself part Friend. The idea of subtly displaying my work is appealing."
Hestia closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. She didn't appear unhappy with the thought, QA noticed; the concern remained present, but Hestia's lips were now quirked slightly upward, not downward.
"So, it's not just because you want to be petted," Hestia verified.
"Given how few humans actually wash their hands, I would actually prefer it if they didn't."
Hestia stopped moving and glanced at her own hands. A moment later, she shrugged and decided to continue petting QA's hair. The shard guessed that answered her question regarding whether the goddess had washed them recently.
"This, um, might take a bit to unpack. So, you know that having demihuman traits isn't as fun as it might look, right?"
"No."
Hestia snorted and shook her head.
"I suppose you wouldn't have any experience with that, would you? Well, cat people alternate between being harassed and demeaned. Chienthropes don't face as much physical harassment as cat people, but I think they might face more mockery and comparisons to animals. Werewolves are treated like brutish savages. Dwarves are mocked for their height. Elves are viewed as stuck-up, and half-elves face discrimination from both of the races which birthed them. That's pretty common among most halves, actually."
QA's brow furrowed. She thought Hestia was trying to cover all the races with animal ears, but she seemed to have gotten distracted along the way. Still, the list seemed useful.
"Amazonesses face the automatic assumption of promiscuity and all sorts of awful rumors about their, um, enthusiasm. Humans and pallum are both called the 'weakest race' with all the dismissiveness inherent to that title. Renard — people with traits like Dreamer took — don't only face harassment and a reputation for dishonesty, but are outright hunted; one of my friend's new Familia members is a renard who was imprisoned by Ishtar and badly mistreated during her captivity. I don't think it's even that unusual."
"I already have significant trouble with human interactions," Queen Administrator noted. "I do not believe renard traits would significantly exacerbate the problem. Additionally, I believe the sensory and balance improvements would be well worth any social consequences."
Hestia shook her head.
"I think you're underestimating how odd changing species would be. Dreamer got away with it since nobody knew her original race. You, though? You already answered 'human' on your adventuring application, and you're pretty famous across the city. Changing species would raise a whole lot of questions we don't want to answer."
"Technically, I would still be a human either way. There are not enough deviances among the other races for them to qualify as a separate species."
Hestia's mouth momentarily dropped open. A moment later, she shut it and shook her head.
"You actually believe that," she said with blatant disbelief. "That's… I don't even know where to start. I, um… won't try to convince you there, actually. We need it to stay the truth if we want to avoid tax fraud. Still, it wouldn't explain how we disguised you in the first place; you already told a bunch of people that you didn't have any significant magics."
"But Dreamer does. Object-anchored illusions should be well within her capabilities. Additionally, it may help redirect attention away from Lili; I find it highly likely that she will want to change her race. We can dismiss her new body as being her 'true' form and any previous versions as disguises. An alleged flaw in her form could help conceal the true effectiveness of her transformations while simultaneously explaining our Familia's original desire to recruit her."
Hestia considered this for several seconds before snorting.
"You think we're already such a high-profile Familia that we might as well just link revelations to each other?"
"Approximately," Queen Administrator agreed. "On a related note, I believe it would be easiest to just admit that I'm a shard-Spirit. Numerous oddities, including my progress, can be dismissed with the aid of that revelation."
"Could Lili be one, too?" Lili's cheerful voice asked.
Both Queen Administrator and Hestia jerked their gazes toward their home's doorway. The pallum in question was standing just inside the entrance with a backpack on the floor beside her. Judging by the backpack's slumped lower edges, numerous heavy objects had been placed inside.
Archival note: Fortify all entrances to the Hestia household. Prioritize audible alarms.
"Ah! Um, welcome home, Lili! I'm sorry I didn't notice you," Hestia babbled. "Er, how long ago did you…?"
"Lili has been waiting since werewolves were mentioned," Lili divulged. "Lili was trying not to be heard, though, so Lady Hestia shouldn't feel bad for not noticing her. Lili had to become very good at hiding."
Queen Administrator frowned to match Hestia's own expression. The pallum had to realize her words would hurt the goddess, didn't she? That last comment was unnecessary. Well, unless it was needed for Lili's own psychological health; complaining was a cross-species method of engaging in mild emotional repairs. QA supposed she could and should overlook it.
"Lili: I believe our intention was to eventually let you become a shard, but it will need to be a gradual process. Based on an interaction with Tiona Hiryute, it is likely that cognitive alterations from becoming a pse—higher level adventurer would have helped you prepare for it."
Conversation paused as a noisy thud-thud-thud emanated from the direction of the bedroom. A moment later, Dreamer loudly shoved the bedroom door open and skipped into QA's field of view. Her mood may have appeared bright, but that was itself concerning; QA had never seen a long period where it wasn't. Queen Administrator would like to believe that her former host was simply handling her grief out of sight and mind, but the recent comments regarding mind-altering 'flowers' did not support that hypothesis.
Archival note: Discuss personal cognitive alterations with Dreamer. Her chosen treatment methods may be delaying her recovery.
"I made a thing!" Dreamer chirped, then stopped and furrowed her brow. "No, wait. I mean a thing for gradually becoming a shard. I don't think the changes from adventuring are significant enough for proper study prep. We don't want her brain and mind to break as much as mine did, though, which means gradual stuff."
Dreamer slapped her hands into grasping one another and spun to face Lili. Even once the spin stopped, Dreamer's body seemed physically incapable of holding still; the human-turned-shard constantly hopped from one foot to the other and played with her hands.
"It's not just about raw power, though. Actually, although you'll get a magic boost, you won't be able to do most of what you've probably associated with shards for a long time. The bigger thing is that your mind will gradually grow — memory, processing speed, actual multitasking ability, etcetera — and you'll eventually start visiting a really weird and maybe a little scary dream-body when you're asleep. We can't just understand the idea-bomb speech because we've developed a resistance; it's because shard minds have room to parse and actually grasp all of it, and conversation is sometimes easier if you just toss all the context at someone all at once.
"You'll eventually be able to literally change your own mind, too, and that can be scary for both yourself and other people. Like, me being a child? I can revert whenever I want, but that's mostly because I was really careful with it. You could get yourself to a state where old-you would be unhappy with new-you, but new-you doesn't want to revert. I'll keep you from modifying your sys—dream-body like that for a while, but I want you to have the freedom to do it eventually."
Dreamer frowned and thought a moment.
"I should make you a written list of all that so it's easier to grasp, actually. Remind me if I forget. And speaking of things I almost forgot, are those Magic Stones for your Friends? Because we should get those started if they are."
Queen Administrator looked back at Lili just in time to see the pallum's face shift back into her signature smile. Apparently, the smile had slipped while QA wasn't looking. The shard wished she knew whether it had been an unhappy frown or thoughtful impassiveness.
"Lili would like it if some was used for her second Friend, but she brought them for the Hestia Familia. Lili was saving up money so she could buy her way free of the Soma Familia. Queen Administrator didn't want to let us pay for that, though, so Lili wants to give her savings to her new Familia instead."
Archival note: Review how Lili emphasized 'wants' despite the unusual lack of tonal changes for any other word. Conscious imitation should work better than accidental instinctual emphasis.
"Or most of them, anyway," Dreamer observed. "I understand the instinct to try to maximize your own social benefits, but New-Mom would've actually objected to you giving us all of it. She doesn't want us to sacrifice everything for each other and she'd argue against it if you tried."
Hestia blinked and started to shift in place. She stopped upon seemingly remembering that Queen Administrator's head was still on her lap.
"Thank you, Lili. Dreamer? You, um, don't need to stop calling me that, but—you know I'm not anything like your old 'mother,' don't you? And if you ever think I overlap badly, you should tell me."
Dreamer stopped moving and wrinkled her nose.
"I didn't call that thing my mom. I don't want to talk or think about it, but my old mom was good."
Queen Administrator supposed that statement presented an adequate excuse for interference. She shifted to face her newest sibling.
"Lili: Thank you for assisting the Familia. I will attempt to ensure that the resources are used for purposes which directly or indirectly benefit you."
"A vessel will definitely be on that list if you want it," Dreamer added.
Queen Administrator forced herself upright and turned to properly face her favorite little sister. Hestia pouted slightly as QA left her, which seemed odd; wouldn't the extra weight be uncomfortable? Since Hestia apparently didn't think so, the Monarch should probably lay back down once she finished.
"Dreamer: You mentioned that you didn't want to think about old memories. I realize it is unpleasant, but grief will be necessary to allow later review and prepare you for potential future losses. You shouldn't avoid memories on account of the suffering they currently cause."
The human-turned-shard scowled.
"It's my mind; I can be a little ineffective if I want to."
And just like that, Queen Administrator realized what she should do. Trusting Dreamer had worked out so far; QA should focus more on her human-body's problems and likely objectives than on the long-term problems facing her species. But for that to work properly, Dreamer would need to stop embracing unhealthy habits.
"No," Queen Administrator bluntly refused. "Not if I'm going to trust the safety and future of our colony to you for any significant period of time. The child-mind is acceptable for recreational purposes, but I believe even your primary self is refusing to review those memories, isn't it?"
Dreamer crossed her arms and scowled. Meanwhile, Lili began edging around the corners of the room with backpack in tow. QA guessed the pallum was trying to make it to the bathroom or bedroom without drawing attention to herself.
"They literally hurt to think about, too."
"That likely means they haven't been indexed properly and indicates you have been doing far too much to suppress them. If repairs are necessary, then suppressing the pain will inhibit your ability to actually engage in those repairs."
Queen Administrator examined Dreamer's stubborn scowl. Facial twitches seemed to indicate that it was being kept up deliberately instead of being a natural expression; partial agreement was likely. Still, the Monarch would need to make an educated guess at how hard she could push without significant backlash. Immediate revocation was off the table, she was sure, but she didn't want Dreamer to become too reliant upon what was essentially malware.
"I will not demand that you immediately remove any effects that suppress old memories. However, you are still resisting upon hearing of significant problems with your systems. This indicates that you are becoming far too reliant upon your suppression."
The new shard looked down and shuffled uncomfortably.
"I can quit any time I want," Dreamer grumbled. After a moment, her head shot back up. "That was a joke. Please don't force me to."
Queen Administrator ignored the unpleasant feeling in Host's her chest. It really was for Dreamer's own good; appeals to emotion should not be humored.
"Not all at once," the Monarch agreed. "But I will need you to begin steadily decreasing their magnitude and/or the percentage of time you spend under their effects. This should include both specific and general blocks, and should have you at twenty percent of current suppression within thirty days. That level should be sufficient for most repairs to occur. If you find a way to ensure it is not, then I reserve the right to impose new requirements."
Dreamer's scowl shifted into something QA could readily recognize from the former human's memories: an attempt to avoid crying in front of other people. It had occurred too frequently for Queen Administrator not to recognize it on her former host's face, childish variant or not.
"…I want to be really mad at you," Dreamer eventually admitted. "But I guess I also wouldn't want to leave a brain-damaged girl in sole control of something so important. Fine. But I'm not going to help you with extra archival access while you're designing anything, and I'll still veto anything that goes too far."
Queen Administrator felt herself frown as the former human stomped into the bedroom.
…Does she remember that I wanted to do that anyway? It was possible she actually didn't; it seemed as though it would be easy to inadvertently suppress the indexing of some new memories while trying to avoid the old ones. Barring complete control over QA's electronic warfare systems, anyway, and that seemed highly unlikely.
"Do you want anything?" Hestia called.
"Fuck off!"
Queen Administrator was on the edge of rebuking her wayward sibling when she actually looked at Hestia's expression. Instead of appearing upset, the goddess seemed… afraid? No, scandalized.
"Don't make me buy a swear jar, too!"
"I'll fucking swear if I want to!"
Hestia began lightly scraping her lips with her teeth.
"…Well, at least she's acting more her age," the goddess muttered.
This is just brilliant. Hestia continues being Best!New-Mom, Lili being a precious little liar (not necessarily right now, just... in general) and Dreamer is getting help.
We fucking swear fucking because we fucking want to, fucker. It being fucking annoying is a fucking bonus, fucking swearing is a fucking reason to fucking swear on its fucking own. Fuck.
We fucking swear fucking because we fucking want to, fucker. It being fucking annoying is a fucking bonus, fucking swearing is a fucking reason to fucking swear on its fucking own. Fuck.
She is only a child because she set up an emulator. She is a 15 almost 16 year old girl that needs to face these things because she is literally damaging herself. The Fates and QA are being RESPONSIBLE ADULTS and making her face these things.
Eh, Dreamer is quite literally doing drugs, I think an intervention is warranted. Especially given how powerful she's become, having a reality warper on mind-altering substances sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She is only a child because she set up an emulator. She is a 15 almost 16 year old girl that needs to face these things because she is literally damaging herself. The Fates and QA are being RESPONSIBLE ADULTS and making her face these things.
Just like someone facing their crippling phobia helps them see reason and not at all make them afraid of more things as well. Right, got it!
Also, QA and RESPONSIBLE ADULT does not fit in the same sentence. And the fate that we have seen so far is a raging alcoholic...
I want Dreamer to get better, but I want that to happen in its own time, not through peer pressure.
It's pretty clear that QA wants to help Taylor and cares about her more than it has ever cared about ANYTHING, it just doesn't know how to do it better, and Hestia lacks sooooo much context.
As bad as she and Ainz thinks things have been for QA/Taylor, the truth is much, much worse.
Just like someone facing their crippling phobia helps them see reason and not at all make them afraid of more things as well. Right, got it!
Also, QA and RESPONSIBLE ADULT does not fit in the same sentence. And the fate that we have seen so far is a raging alcoholic...
I want Dreamer to get better, but I want that to happen in its own time, not through peer pressure.
There is a difference in the situation. If you have a crippling phobia of spiders, you go to a psychiatrist and avoid spiders. Dreamer has a crippling fear of Reality, and given that she is a reality warper, that can, and probably will, GET PEOPLE KILLED.
Just like someone facing their crippling phobia helps them see reason and not at all make them afraid of more things as well. Right, got it!
Also, QA and RESPONSIBLE ADULT does not fit in the same sentence. And the fate that we have seen so far is a raging alcoholic...
I want Dreamer to get better, but I want that to happen in its own time, not through peer pressure.
QA picked the highest lingering suppression she believed would allow actual repairs; she isn't requiring Taylor to go below 20% for far longer than the 30 days. The problem is that Dreamer is currently engaged in the shard equivalent of drinking herself into a stupor to avoid painful memories. Or, if that metaphor is uncomfortable: taking a dubious painkiller cocktail in order to continue walking normally on broken feet. EDIT: Or recklessly introducing invasive species into an ecosystem in order to decimate the population of a keystone species that settlers don't care for.
The responsibility and reality-warping stuff is just supplementary at that point.
She is only a child because she set up an emulator. She is a 15 almost 16 year old girl that needs to face these things because she is literally damaging herself. The Fates and QA are being RESPONSIBLE ADULTS and making her face these things.
Aside: Plenty of people, myself included, still count 16-year-olds as kids. And "making people face things" is not something you want to leave out of the hands of a professional.
There is a difference in the situation. If you have a crippling phobia of spiders, you go to a psychiatrist and avoid spiders. Dreamer has a crippling fear of Reality, and given that she is a reality warper, that can, and probably will, GET PEOPLE KILLED.
You cease living, and thus you die. Whether or not you go to whatever afterlife that may or may not exist and you may or may not receive punishment is a different matter that I am not qualified to comment on.
Just like someone facing their crippling phobia helps them see reason and not at all make them afraid of more things as well. Right, got it!
Also, QA and RESPONSIBLE ADULT does not fit in the same sentence. And the fate that we have seen so far is a raging alcoholic...
I want Dreamer to get better, but I want that to happen in its own time, not through peer pressure.
Letting it happen in its own time is what QA is trying to get Dreamer to do. Dreamer is abusing mind-damaging drugs to anaesthetize herself, which is entirely counter-productive to healing.
You cease living, and thus you die. Whether or not you go to whatever afterlife that may or may not exist and you may or may not receive punishment is a different matter that I am not qualified to comment on.
Arguably, you stop existing. Otherwise, you can't change time, because changing the timeline would just been killing everyone in one and spinning up new instances in another.
"Technically, I would still be a human either way. There are not enough deviances among the other races for them to qualify as a separate species."
Hestia's mouth momentarily dropped open. A moment later, she shut it and shook her head.
"You actually believe that," she said with blatant disbelief. "That's… I don't even know where to start. I, um… won't actually try to convince you there, actually.
Dorian made an incredulous little noise and said, "Amicus, why would anybody think to ask, 'Say, do you happen to know if elves, dwarves, and humans are related?"
"Why wasn't it obvious to you already?" Helen shot back. "All three races can have fertile offspring with each other! Any farmer would know what that means!"
