I am writing this due to the fact that my children are disappointments and my apprentices are not much better. Now, one might wonder why I, Breeder Soluan would be willing to dismantle my own livelihood and that is where you are wrong. I am not writing this to destroy my business, but instead to find a proper inheritor of my responsibilities. In short, I am the person in charge of breeding rare and above Elemental Felines for the nobility and the training thereof for the nobles as well. I am the only person beyond the cult of Nova's Vision to have a breeding pair of Fractal Felines and the person that trained in large part the Royal Families' Celestial Felines. My only regret was being unable to train them to have cubs despite their dislike of each other. Beyond, my breeding group of Fractals, I have several sizable clowders of all other breeds and am often hired by large Forge Clans to train their Lighting Felines for specific use.
As such, my legacy is predicated upon the training and rising of Elemental Felines and my family is quintessential trash when it comes to our duty. My daughters are more interested in making eyes at the men working on the farm and my sons are more interested in finding rusty swords to bash each other's head in. I have tried for a decade and some change to get them interested in the family business, but it has borne no fruits. Therefore, I am writing this report to both give information of a general form to all that can read and to also entice readers to come to my home to take a comprehensive test of ones training abilities. Of the testers, the best person, assuming that said person isn't a moron, will become my legal heir.
Readers might now wonder just what this test would include and I will explain it shortly. The first part of the test is going to be a simple quiz on the various types of Elemental Felines and their personalities. I am
not going to provide the answers outright in this document of course, but anyone that knows anything should be able to figure out which trait goes to which feline breed. If you do not know the difference between a Sandstorm and a Sky there is no need to even try to apply. After that quiz, the prospective heirs will be given a test in which they are to convince a breed that I choose
for them to have cubs and then they will train those cubs into effective noble pets. Of those that hopefully manage that most basic of tasks, I will then have them try to have my Fractals have kittens and then train the resulting kittens into felines worthy of the Royal Family. The person that does the best on all of the tests will become my heir.
Now, let's talk Felines. I hope that everyone knows the house cat, the short and small feline that can be found everywhere and delights in knocking stuff off the shelfs. Well, if you were living under a rock, you now know about the house cat. Let's move onto the Felines and how we in the business break them down into types and rarity.
Certain fools such as in the explorer society have a rather peculiar ranking system for the felines, and list Fractal and Celestial as
unique. Now anyone with more than a handful of neurons can see that that is clearly incorrect, although I am not sure my children could understand that, anyway Fractal and Celestials are
not unique. They are simply listed in our parlance as Knight Felines, for our system of category is more dependent on the nature of the Feline than its rarity. For there
are no Unique Felines beyond Fractal Nova and there is no amount of money in the world that would get me anywhere within a Region of her, I think the last statistic I saw was something around fifty people dying to her over the last decade for trying to tame her.
Fractal and Celestials are Knight Felines, because they are each considered to be roughly equal to a Knight on retainer. They are of course
not that powerful, but they are that potent in comparison to other Felines barring Fractal Nova. Fractal and Celestials are both more than capable of ravaging entire armies of well equipped humans with little issue, I have seen one of my Fractals shred a low end Knight Weapon to ribbons in a handful of moments. This is the first thing to learn, even the idiots in the explorer guild understand that the Felines are powerful animals, however, in my opinion they drastically understate the degree of difference. They offer trite defenses such as,
keep a light on, if near a Celestial nest. I will state that that does not work, they do okay when it comes to outlining the facts, but they are trash at actually providing counter measures for anything beyond things like Work Lizards.
So for any of you wannabe explorers out there reading this, here are some
actual tips for handling Fractals and Celestials. Fractals are solitary beyond breeding season, they also rarely if ever leave their territory. As such, simply camp outside the crystal fields in which they live. If you
must camp within such a field, just make a fire and put a blanket near the fire, any Fractal will be more likely to decide to sleep on the blanket than eat you. If a Fractal has decided to fight you, DO NOT run, that will only entice them into chasing you. Instead remain firm and still, and throw them some meat if you have it or kill your lizard. Either of those actions would convince the Fractal to leave you alone. Celestials are even easier to deal with, move at night and sleep during the day. You have successfully negated most of the dangers inherent to them. Celestials are the smartest Felines we know of currently and they will in the wild almost
never attack alert humans, they will only attack if they are starving or are rabid. If they are rabid you have larger problems than the Celestials, namely the thing that made them rabid. It is not wrong for me to state that a Celestial Feline has tougher skin than some Knights have armor. Almost all civilian weapons will not break their skin except after several attacks and by then they will be among you and ripping you apart. So, avoid being tired when its night time near their nests.
Now that we have discussed the truth of the two Knight Felines, let's move towards the greatest grouping of Felines. The group that we call the Legionnaire Felines, this group is the most numerous of the three and includes Felines from all over the divides that the explorer guild marks due to rarity. Again, we care more about temperament and general traits than wild population counts, I
guess their lists are okay if you want to know how likely you are to run into one of the felines in the wild. But that is not what you are reading this for, so let's move on. Legionnaire Felines or Legion Felines include the subspecies known as: Sightless, Lighting, Flame Stone, Sandstorm.
Unlike Fractal and Celestials I
assume anyone that enters the wastes will have weapons on hand to deal with any of these breeds and so I wont bother discussing tips for handling them. Instead let's begin with the actual discussion.
Sightless are blind, amazing I know, but really their blindness belies their true senses. They can hear you coming from over ten miles away, can smell you upwards of a hundred miles distant if the wind blows strongly and you haven't taken a bath recently. Let's talk some more on their sense of smell, their nose is one of if not the best on the face of the world, able to perceive and detect hundreds of millions of smells and their brain is capable of differentiating them all. You can not sneak up on a Sightless, you will be noted long before you could ever find the feline and they will simply vanish into the shadows. Now, the questioning ones among my readers might be wondering,
how do you capture sightless then? Well, my hypothetical readers, you capture them by making them want to be captured. Food is the key here, and not any food, but instead Blossom Deer flesh is the best bait for them. It is unknown why, but Sightless felines go insane to hunt and eat Blossom Deer. So, take some of the flesh with you and you will find plenty of the felines. Now, you just have to convince them that you can provide more of the meat. If you can do that, presto you have tamed a Sightless for breeding purposes.
Lighting Felines is the breed most prized by Forge Clans, due to their biological electrical storage and dispersion abilities. Now, the fools over at the explorer guild have once more cocked it all up with their description of how the species came about. Although, I sadly can't lay all the blame on them, due to their members by and large not being scientifically inclined. In short they state that Lighting Felines became such due to eating Lighting Moss over generations. Now, anyone reading that knows anything of biology would already be laughing at that idea, but for those of you not yet busting a gut, Lighting Moss is a
moss. It grows on wet pipes that have access to exposed electricity, and the explorer guild wants people to think that
cats one of the most meat hungry animals would be able to somehow gain electric charge storage from eating a moss. I will admit that you will
usually find Lighting Felines living in the same general area as Lighting Moss, as both do arise in the relatively same conditions. However, the truth is that Lighting Felines are simply due to normal evolution to adapt to their environment where sudden electrical surges are commonplace and storing such charges was a beneficial defensive and life saving measure. Now that the nonsense is dealt with, I can explain a bit of the Lighting Felines nature. First of all, they are friendly very friendly to anyone and everyone. However, this is a bad thing, because they tend to shock people to death with their charge when they touch a person's bare skin. This makes them both a pain to work with and also easy to work with. They are extremely willing to work with my trainers and as long as they wear the proper clothes there is no risk. Also, the explorer guild must be subject to the stopped clock rule when it comes to them as they do enjoy eating the moss, so carry a few samples as treats if you are going hunting for one of them.
Flame Stone felines are easy enough to work with if you are no a gibbering moron, which I have recently discovered to my displeasure to be far less common than I had previously thought possible. My oldest son, for some reason only known to his rotting brain, thought it was a
genius idea to take one of our best Flame Stones to an active volcano that had lava and place the poor animal near a lava flow. Apparently, he had read the stupid explorer guild's bestiary and thought that they were saying the truth when they mentioned flame stone felines playing in lava. Thankfully, the feline is fine with only a few major burns. Regardless, DO NOT put Flame Stones in lava baths, they will die from it like anything else that isn't a machine. I can not believe I have to say this, but they are not
immune to liquid rock burning their flesh away. Now, for those that are actually competent, Flame Stones are peaceful if sleepy felines that enjoy wood fires and generally enjoy sleeping to a high degree. If you wish to tame one for yourself, the simplest method is to build a klin and put some dry wood inside of it and burn it slowly. Flame Stones enjoy beds of embers and coals, a true wood fire is slightly too warm for them to be truly comfortable, but a simple nest of still burning embers is perfect for them. If you provide such a bed for a few days, its likely that you will find a Flame Stone that would be easily tamed with food and more ember beds. I of course expect this to only work in the wild where you can find wild Flame Stones.
Sandstorm Felines are an absolute bastard of a breed to work with. I would consider them only less hard to work with than the Celestial Felines and their nocturnal nature. Sandstorms have a remarkable intelligence, there is no question about that and recently I have begun to wonder if they are smarter than my children. Moving on, they use this intelligence to always annoy the hell out of their owners, I make sure to have all prospective buyers spend a day with the felines to ensure they know what they are getting into. And for any of you wondering why a Breeder cares about such things like that, its because if they aren't sold I can use them for breeders and therefore they can make me more money later on, a dead feline is wasted money after all. For any prospective breeders reading this, you might wonder how one would go about taming a Sandstorm and the answer is clear; you don't. Yes, you read that right, you do not tame a Sandstorm, you give it a new target to abuse. That is the focus of the training I do for them, I do not try to make them nice, I simply ensure that they direct their abuse towards other targets. In order to do this, I suggest giving them Gem-Glimmers as treats as they love the chase the things to no end. I am fairly sure its due to how the light scatters off of their wings, either way its the best treat for these hyper active felines to be given something to chase.
That concludes the part on the Legion Felines, the most generally useful of the breeds. Now, some of you might be wondering where the information you will be tested on would be and the answer is that its not here. I gave you enough to find more information on your own for them. Even the cesspool of incompetence known as the Explorer Guild has
some trustworthy records on these breeds. If any of you show up to the test without looking beyond this report, I am going to staple a book to your head with all the information you should have found prior to showing up and then send you home.
Now we come to the last three species that any of you that knows anything of the Elemental Felines would have noticed by now, and the rest of you would probably be wondering what makes them different from the rest. The three remaining breeds are Flame, Sky, Metal and Stone and they are all listed as Mundane Felines. They are so boring and easy to work with for various reasons that none of them are even considered difficult to tame or train. If you can train a normal house cat to do literally anything, you can get these three species to do anything as well. I also hope to god, that I do not need to provide anyone with information on the Flame breed. Anyone that lives in a city should know all about that breed its so common, I am half convinced its more common than the normal house cat at this point
Then we come to Sky, this breed has one thing and one thing only going for it. It can snatch an arrow out of the air once per hour or so, that is all it can do. Beyond that its a house cat, I expect anyone that has gotten this far into this document knows how to work a library and can pull up the information on the Sky species.
Now Stone and Metal, are considered to be district species by the all encompassing stupidity that is the explorer guild, but we in the business know better. Stone and Metal are one and the same breed, they have no noticeable differences in temperament no matter what those idiots say. Quite literally the only difference is that Metal has slightly tougher skin and is shiny. I do not charge more for Metal over Stone, for they are the same species only different subspecies of a subspecies. It is ludicrous that the Explorer Guild thinks that Metals are a
rare animal they just can't see the truth.
That concludes the information that I feel that anyone provided they are smarter than a work lizard could use to figure out what will be on my test. The test will be open for the next few years or until one of my various apprentices or children extracts their head from their asses and gets into gear.
Oh one last thing, I recently got a memo from that all pervasive trash heap of scientific inquiry known as the Explorer Guild about a new Elemental Feline that drinks blood. All I have to say is duh, we have known about it for near on a century and a half by now in the business. We have yet to capture one though and as such I would offer a bounty for a live one and a larger bounty for a breeding pair.
Also since I just
know that the mention of a bounty will entice even abject idiots into hunting the felines, I better describe the felines based on our documents to provide an actually
correct overview than that nonsense that
they shit out recently.
- Vampiric Feline is a fine name, its one of the few things they got right. Yes, these felines only eat blood or electricity, they actually have a neat way of doing so with extendable teeth and claws that can drain either blood or electricity after latching into the target.
- Their size is significantly larger than other elemental felines, most records we have state that full grown they weigh around six hundred pounds
- They grow larger based on how much blood/electricity they consume over their life
- Blood/electricity does not increase their lifespan
- They become stronger based on how much they consume
- It is possible they can gain some minor traits based on the blood they consume. We have yet to confirm or deny that
- They are highly opportunistic in nature and will not attack unless certain of success
- Also they are smart enough to not attack humans in general, preferring larger prey like the lizards
There you go, a more complete view of the Vampiric Felines and what is actually known about them instead of the dribble that the Explorer Guild sent out.
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