Interlude MCCIII: Mercurial Messengers
Mercurial Messengers
First Day of the Ninth Month 294 AC
One might be forgiven for thinking that an elderly clerk in rumpled robes of office, silver spectacles slightly askew, was prowling the Goblin Market on his own business and not that of the realm. He looked with suspicion at the mirth and play that echoed and shadowed the wedding celebrations which had filled these very streets. He sniffed at the sight of cartwheeling gremlins with more limbs than four and cursed when a swarm of serenading sprites dived low in some aerial dance known only to them.
Humpty humbug, hump-ty humbug, hump
Humpty humbug, hump-ty humbug, hump
Humpty humbug, hump-ty humbug, hump
A lemkin hopping about on her rabbit's feet dogged the annoyed visitor while from the shadows shaggy figures bearing baggy cloaks whose contents glittered invitingly called out with voices strange and fair. First time visitors were always the easiest to distract into agreeing to more bargains than they had meant to give.
Arthur Ambrose, head of the division for non-human relations of the Ministry of Information, ignored them all, even the damn rabbit fey somehow. He had, after all, been trained on how to deal with the deathless fey and their 'mischievous' ways, although in his opinion that word really needed to have more heft to it. Like trying to catch eels with your bare hands, it was.
Humpty humbug, hump-ty humbug, hump
Humpty humbug, hump-ty humbug, hump
The song kept going, at least until one crossed some unseen divide in the middle of what seemed to be a perfectly normal street, at which point it fell silent as though it had been cut with a knife. Alas, it was too much to hope that the singer had suffered such mischance. The peace of the Imperium reigned here as much as it did among all the fey spirits that came out under the sun between the Narrow Sea and the Painted Mountains.
So distracted had Arthur been at the singer that he had not even noticed that one of the would-be acrobats had actually been following him, cartwheeling all along only to smash into his leg, bounce off and somehow land backwards into a courtly bow in the time it took him to curse and stumble. "Glyra the Gremlin at your service, fair fellow. Need some help coming up with better curses? That one's a little old and musty, eh?"
The frustrated functionary wanted to reply with many a snide question, starting with 'why the hells couldn't we meet at the ministry headquarters or at some other public venue?' and getting more specific from there. Alas, he had learned that to test the pride of the fey got you nothing and less than nothing in return. "Mistress Glyra, I wished to speak to you on the matter of expanding the employment of troupes such as yours into the service of the Imperium. There has been a distinct lack of enthusiasm among the wild fey for public service and you have been recommended as an expert in such matters..."
"Are they payin' ye by the word?" she interjected in a thick and almost indescribable accent that seemed to have been designed to contrast with her bow.
"No, damn it, they are paying me by the hour and at this rate I will soon be rich!" Arthur finally snapped.
"Fucking finally, thought I'd have to needle you some more before I got the point across," the strange not-child replied. "You are the one trying to get wild fey folk to be singers and heralds for the throne, right? Well here's your first lesson, push back some when they are yanking your chain or you are going to look about as interesting as a wet turd and so's your offers. No one wants the story of how they took on a new part to be boring."
"That's..." Arthur checked himself, then he unchecked himself, because apparently that was considered a good negotiating tactic. "Insane."
"I don't make the rules," the gremlin shrugged and pulled out what looked like a pink blob glistening with sugar from one of her pockets, tore it in two and offered half of it. "Cloud Candy?"
"Thank you," the man sighed and took it. It actually tasted decent, much to his surprise. He had been expecting another lesson.
"Near as I can figure it, from what I have read in those reports your office has been making..." The idea that the whimsical being before him had been reading reports was almost enough to make Arthur choke. "The trouble is you are treating this as just buying and selling services instead of a bargain."
"Those words appear to mean the same thing," the clerk replied, adjusting his spectacles as he followed her into the light of what looked like a sweet shop so filled with strange and arcane sweets it would have tempted a less wary man to distraction.
"Nah. See, a bargain has risk. Like, make it a contest and only the best singer gets to work for the Imperium and gets paid the prize...."
"But we would like as many helpers as possible to get the message across," Arthur interjected.
"So just have lots of contests, has to be different ones too. They should be tailored to the sorts of wild fey you want to take on, like do you want a lot of little ones or fewer of the three-string wonders, muses and nymphs and stuff?"
This was going to be an even longer night. Arthur was glad indeed for his calligraphy wyrm assistant.
Fey Helpers - Wild Fey: 15 (Failure)
No Progress made as efforts require a major overhaul in approach
What sort of fey should future efforts go into recruiting primarily?
[] Many lesser fey like sprites and gremlins
[] Fewer of the more skilled singers
OOC: So yeah, it turns out the bureaucracy and the fey are not what you would call a good match. Still not a crit fail so you did not lose more than time.
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