- Pronouns
- He/It/Argh!
KZ seems to think that his Master's main character trait is 'Sadistic'? Could be right, but these ideas are far to plain for Siani.Perhaps a wide open cavern with a single pillar in the center of it upon which Elder Siani sits while throwing rocks at disciples who have displeased him. Or a dark, underground barrow with confines so tight that you can barely crawl through them without your belly scraping on the floor. Maybe a wild jungle home to hundreds of hungry beasts that he is keeping for his own amusement.
I now want to work on a charm composed of wood and prayer...Small square structures are crowded next to towering spires built within enormous stalagmites which loom over ramshackle contraptions made entirely of wood and prayer.
So what does he do with his time? On the plus side, this might indicate he doesn't drive his student mad by being around all the time."Ah," he breathes out as the two of you catch up with him. "It has been too long!"
I find both ends of this line disturbing."Ducklings," he finally breathes out. "I present to you the most important place within all of the Delving Heart: my Warren!"
Maybe ask how his other Disciple cope?...you wonder if this pain behind your temples is going to become a regular feature in your life. It certainly seems like that could be the case. If so, you had best talk to Jai Shouxi about something for your head. It would not do to be distracted at a crucial moment by pressure behind your eyes whenever your Master speaks.
Is it the Time Core that drives you mad, or that having a Time Core means you end up with Siani as your Master?Whatever they are about to say is cut off when Elder Siani claps his fingers together so quickly that they cause an audible sound. "No, no," he chastises. "No overwhelming the new ducklings! Come, everyone, we have practiced this! Manners! Introduce yourselves one at a time!"
[X] Dramatically, with great gusto. You worked hard to earn your Sigil and you will make sure that all know your tale. Besides, you have been standing here for long enough. You may as well provide some entertainment.
This, but with added eye-rolling to make it quite clear that you are just putting on a show for Elder Siani.