Jonn Wolfe
(Verified Sarcastic) (Not a Wolf)
- Location
- Beyond Sanity Since 1971
Okay, that was a tear jerker. Stahp Dat!
Ship of Fools: A Taylor Varga Omake (Complete)
- Thread starter Derek M
- Start date
- Crossover
Omake: The Devil You Know
- Location
- Maryland
Note: There is a chance that this will eventually become canon...
Omake: The Devil You Know
Saurial had come to Gotham to meet with Lex and Bruce Wayne about the Earth's new space defense force. That meeting had been postponed, however, because a certain clown-faced psychopath had escaped from Arkham yet again and was holding an orphanage hostage. Bruce was undoubtedly heading off to turn into the Bat, but Saurial wasn't prepared to wait. She rather quickly teleported to the site of the hostage crisis under cloak. A quick recon inside revealed the crazed madman in a room surrounded by huddling children. There were ten gunmen wearing clown masks scattered throughout the rest of the facility. You had to wonder what kind of hired guns were both amoral and crazy enough to work for the Joker, given his reputation. He was almost as hard on henchmen as he was on victims.
Eight of the henchmen were easy to quickly take down. Saurial wasn't gentle, but they all survived. That left the Joker and two thugs in the dining hall of the orphanage. Saurial just stalked in through the main doors. Joker opened his mouth to say something, but three darts at three armed men shut that down. She stalked over to Joker and looked down at the madman lying unconscious on the floor. Keeping in mind the children huddled around the room, she reached down and grabbed the man by his garish purple jacket, preparing to drag him someplace quiet.
"What are you doing?" said a voice from one of the rafters.
Saurial looked up to where the Bat was perched. He had arrived just as she was darting the villain and his minions. "I'm taking him to make sure he can't escape again," she told him with narrowed eyes.
"You know Arkham can't hold him," said Batman.
Saurial glared at the Gotham Knight. "I know that. More importantly, YOU know that. The League knows that. I'm amazed that somebody hasn't done something before now."
Batman scowled, which was impressive as he had already been scowling. He scowled more. "I don't kill criminals, and I won't let you kill him."
Saurial rolled her eyes. She knew he couldn't really stop her, but she also knew it would get really annoying if she pissed him off. He was stubborn enough and humorless enough that he would keep getting under foot everywhere. "I won't kill him, but I will take him someplace he can't escape."
"How do I know you won't just take him and throw him out an airlock?" he asked.
The lizard woman had to admit it was a fair question. If she happened upon Joker while he was trapped in an airlock, it wouldn't take her long to decide which side of the airlock to open. "Would you believe Jimmy Olsen if he verified that I put him someplace where he can't escape back to Gotham?"
Batman considered that. Olsen wasn't especially blood thirsty, and he had proven to be an honest reporter and a loyal friend to Kal. If Bruce was being honest, he also knew his chance of actually stopping Saurial from doing anything she wanted wasn't especially high. If the Family had any easily exploitable weaknesses, then he had failed to discover what they might be. "All right. Have Olsen get in touch with the League with his report." With that, Batman quickly disappeared into the shadows.
Saurial watched him as he adeptly made his way up to the window where he had entered earlier. He was skilled for a non-meta human, even if he was in desperate need of therapy. She teleported up to her ship just before the Gotham police arrived.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"So, what? You want me to watch you toss Joker out onto an alien planet, and then tell the League what I saw?" asked Jimmy, slightly confused.
"Yep," said the reptilian hero. "I promised Bats that I wouldn't kill the psychopath, but I'm also not willing to just toss him back in Arkham so he can escape again."
Jimmy just shrugged. He sat and watched as Saurial piloted the dimension skipper into another universe, landed on an alien planet covered in vegetation, and tossed the still unconscious madman out the airlock onto the grass. "Where are we?"
"Someplace Joker isn't coming back from," was the reply. Saurial closed the airlock and went back to take Jimmy back home.
As favors went, this was pretty easy, mused Jimmy. He didn't even have to take notes. He also didn't have any sympathy for Joker, and in fact would have been happy had Saurial tossed him overboard before they entered the atmosphere. Batman would have probably detected a lie, though. He was like that. He was mildly curious what Saurial meant by her muttered, "Jackass didn't even sound like Mark Hamill..."
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ba'al had been in better shape. He kept stumbling forward through the brush. Staying in motion when he wasn't trying to sleep was the best way of keeping ahead of the hunters. The strange aliens seemed to delight in spooking prey from cover and giving chase. He had watched at least four other Goa'uld die that way, though he had only recognized two of them personally. Moving about was also dangerous, of course. It could also be painful, as he hissed when he stumbled against a tree trunk and smacked the stump of his left wrist into it. He had lost that hand from a plasma shot, and the symbiote had barely been able to stave off infection, never mind heal it properly. He wasn't getting enough food, and even Goa'uld needed fuel to work...at least outside of a sarcophagus.
The unfortunate truth was that his host was dying. He had taken enough injuries, including a pronged spear through the shoulder and his dismembered hand, that he wasn't able to keep repairing the body. That was why when he stumbled across a body lying in the middle of the clearing, he suspected a trap. Finding a new host like this in his time of need was just a bit too convenient. He waited for a good thirty minutes for any sign, but the only movement visible was birds in the trees and the breathing of the man in the clearing. Finally, he made his way over, crouching low to the best of his ability. It was really more of a drunken stumble, but he made it without incident. The man was scarred, and looked like he had suffered from severe chemical burns, but he otherwise seemed healthy, and he wasn't already a host. Anything was better than dying as his current host fell to pieces, so Ba'al moved, too desperate to even regret the loss of his long-time host body.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ba'al moved carefully through the forest. Purple clothes were not the stealthiest, but he found himself oddly enamored with his new host's outfit. Overall, his situation was a thousand percent better than yesterday. His host was healthy, his belly was full, and he hadn't seen a hunter in days. It's almost like they were avoiding the area for some reason. Now, if he could just find a starship, life would be perfect.
'The hunters have ships,' said the voice. The voice was...strange. Ba'al had taken many hosts before, and they always would futilely rage or try to resist the Goa'uld. Strangely enough, when he took his current host, all he heard inside was silence. Every once in a while, though, the voice would speak. At first, it had unnerved him, but it almost always gave him good advice. It was right this time, too, but he didn't really have a way to steal one of the hunter's ships.
'Hunters go after prey. You can make them the hunted if you have the right bait,' explained the voice.
There was a problem, though. The ship wouldn't come to get the hunter if Ba'al killed him.
'Your target isn't the hunter. Your target is his SHIP. Watch when he kills his prey, and then take the ship when he arrives.'
Ba'al considered this. He had a weapon...a cobbled-together plasma projector that was probably good for a few shots. He had scavenged it from a ruined set of hunter armor weeks ago, but hadn't really had a good use for it. The hunters were too fast. An ambush, on the other hand, at the right moment...
This time, there was a manic glee in the voice's tone. 'If you get a ship, you can escape. If you can escape, then you can find a way home. If you can go home, then you can get REVENGE, against the Tau'ri, against the Lizards, and against the BATS.'
Ba'al took a moment to sit down on his haunches. He couldn't resist laughing at his situation. The sounds of the manic laughter echoed through the empty forests around him. "Ha ha ha...HA ha...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...ha...HA HA!"
Omake: The Devil You Know
Saurial had come to Gotham to meet with Lex and Bruce Wayne about the Earth's new space defense force. That meeting had been postponed, however, because a certain clown-faced psychopath had escaped from Arkham yet again and was holding an orphanage hostage. Bruce was undoubtedly heading off to turn into the Bat, but Saurial wasn't prepared to wait. She rather quickly teleported to the site of the hostage crisis under cloak. A quick recon inside revealed the crazed madman in a room surrounded by huddling children. There were ten gunmen wearing clown masks scattered throughout the rest of the facility. You had to wonder what kind of hired guns were both amoral and crazy enough to work for the Joker, given his reputation. He was almost as hard on henchmen as he was on victims.
Eight of the henchmen were easy to quickly take down. Saurial wasn't gentle, but they all survived. That left the Joker and two thugs in the dining hall of the orphanage. Saurial just stalked in through the main doors. Joker opened his mouth to say something, but three darts at three armed men shut that down. She stalked over to Joker and looked down at the madman lying unconscious on the floor. Keeping in mind the children huddled around the room, she reached down and grabbed the man by his garish purple jacket, preparing to drag him someplace quiet.
"What are you doing?" said a voice from one of the rafters.
Saurial looked up to where the Bat was perched. He had arrived just as she was darting the villain and his minions. "I'm taking him to make sure he can't escape again," she told him with narrowed eyes.
"You know Arkham can't hold him," said Batman.
Saurial glared at the Gotham Knight. "I know that. More importantly, YOU know that. The League knows that. I'm amazed that somebody hasn't done something before now."
Batman scowled, which was impressive as he had already been scowling. He scowled more. "I don't kill criminals, and I won't let you kill him."
Saurial rolled her eyes. She knew he couldn't really stop her, but she also knew it would get really annoying if she pissed him off. He was stubborn enough and humorless enough that he would keep getting under foot everywhere. "I won't kill him, but I will take him someplace he can't escape."
"How do I know you won't just take him and throw him out an airlock?" he asked.
The lizard woman had to admit it was a fair question. If she happened upon Joker while he was trapped in an airlock, it wouldn't take her long to decide which side of the airlock to open. "Would you believe Jimmy Olsen if he verified that I put him someplace where he can't escape back to Gotham?"
Batman considered that. Olsen wasn't especially blood thirsty, and he had proven to be an honest reporter and a loyal friend to Kal. If Bruce was being honest, he also knew his chance of actually stopping Saurial from doing anything she wanted wasn't especially high. If the Family had any easily exploitable weaknesses, then he had failed to discover what they might be. "All right. Have Olsen get in touch with the League with his report." With that, Batman quickly disappeared into the shadows.
Saurial watched him as he adeptly made his way up to the window where he had entered earlier. He was skilled for a non-meta human, even if he was in desperate need of therapy. She teleported up to her ship just before the Gotham police arrived.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"So, what? You want me to watch you toss Joker out onto an alien planet, and then tell the League what I saw?" asked Jimmy, slightly confused.
"Yep," said the reptilian hero. "I promised Bats that I wouldn't kill the psychopath, but I'm also not willing to just toss him back in Arkham so he can escape again."
Jimmy just shrugged. He sat and watched as Saurial piloted the dimension skipper into another universe, landed on an alien planet covered in vegetation, and tossed the still unconscious madman out the airlock onto the grass. "Where are we?"
"Someplace Joker isn't coming back from," was the reply. Saurial closed the airlock and went back to take Jimmy back home.
As favors went, this was pretty easy, mused Jimmy. He didn't even have to take notes. He also didn't have any sympathy for Joker, and in fact would have been happy had Saurial tossed him overboard before they entered the atmosphere. Batman would have probably detected a lie, though. He was like that. He was mildly curious what Saurial meant by her muttered, "Jackass didn't even sound like Mark Hamill..."
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ba'al had been in better shape. He kept stumbling forward through the brush. Staying in motion when he wasn't trying to sleep was the best way of keeping ahead of the hunters. The strange aliens seemed to delight in spooking prey from cover and giving chase. He had watched at least four other Goa'uld die that way, though he had only recognized two of them personally. Moving about was also dangerous, of course. It could also be painful, as he hissed when he stumbled against a tree trunk and smacked the stump of his left wrist into it. He had lost that hand from a plasma shot, and the symbiote had barely been able to stave off infection, never mind heal it properly. He wasn't getting enough food, and even Goa'uld needed fuel to work...at least outside of a sarcophagus.
The unfortunate truth was that his host was dying. He had taken enough injuries, including a pronged spear through the shoulder and his dismembered hand, that he wasn't able to keep repairing the body. That was why when he stumbled across a body lying in the middle of the clearing, he suspected a trap. Finding a new host like this in his time of need was just a bit too convenient. He waited for a good thirty minutes for any sign, but the only movement visible was birds in the trees and the breathing of the man in the clearing. Finally, he made his way over, crouching low to the best of his ability. It was really more of a drunken stumble, but he made it without incident. The man was scarred, and looked like he had suffered from severe chemical burns, but he otherwise seemed healthy, and he wasn't already a host. Anything was better than dying as his current host fell to pieces, so Ba'al moved, too desperate to even regret the loss of his long-time host body.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ba'al moved carefully through the forest. Purple clothes were not the stealthiest, but he found himself oddly enamored with his new host's outfit. Overall, his situation was a thousand percent better than yesterday. His host was healthy, his belly was full, and he hadn't seen a hunter in days. It's almost like they were avoiding the area for some reason. Now, if he could just find a starship, life would be perfect.
'The hunters have ships,' said the voice. The voice was...strange. Ba'al had taken many hosts before, and they always would futilely rage or try to resist the Goa'uld. Strangely enough, when he took his current host, all he heard inside was silence. Every once in a while, though, the voice would speak. At first, it had unnerved him, but it almost always gave him good advice. It was right this time, too, but he didn't really have a way to steal one of the hunter's ships.
'Hunters go after prey. You can make them the hunted if you have the right bait,' explained the voice.
There was a problem, though. The ship wouldn't come to get the hunter if Ba'al killed him.
'Your target isn't the hunter. Your target is his SHIP. Watch when he kills his prey, and then take the ship when he arrives.'
Ba'al considered this. He had a weapon...a cobbled-together plasma projector that was probably good for a few shots. He had scavenged it from a ruined set of hunter armor weeks ago, but hadn't really had a good use for it. The hunters were too fast. An ambush, on the other hand, at the right moment...
This time, there was a manic glee in the voice's tone. 'If you get a ship, you can escape. If you can escape, then you can find a way home. If you can go home, then you can get REVENGE, against the Tau'ri, against the Lizards, and against the BATS.'
Ba'al took a moment to sit down on his haunches. He couldn't resist laughing at his situation. The sounds of the manic laughter echoed through the empty forests around him. "Ha ha ha...HA ha...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...ha...HA HA!"
girador
There are only four circles in this picture
- Location
- behind a screen
Well that backfired rather spectacularly.
Oh that's just WAY too totally awesome to not make canon!
Wonderful irony.
I don't really think anyone expects Yautja hunters to fail against such "low level" quarry.
But the combination of Joker's insane cunning and plot armour and the boost from a Goa'uld is definitely not something normal.
Last edited:
- Location
- Norway. Mid-Norway. Møre og Romsdal.
Missing threadmark. Interesting omake.
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
... Mummy?!
- Location
- Here
..... I think Saurial picked the wrong drop off point. Leaving him where the Ship first picked up Jimmy would have been better.
Then again, I suspect Bats might, just might, have taken issue with Joker going to Hell (or at least a Hell World) when she promised she wouldn't kill him.
Batman:"So, what did you do?"
Saurial:"I sent him to Hell."
B:"You killed him?"
S:"No, I sent him to Hell. That's not the same as killing him. He was alive when he got there."
B:"And that isn't going to eventually kill him?"
S:"I figured he'd take over first."
B:"...... And how, exactly, is this any better?"
Jimmy:" Er, Batman, I was sent to that hell myself. It's unpleasant, but empty. He's the only one there."
B:"....Alright. I can accept that. At least you aren't inflicting him on any poor demons....."
Then again, I suspect Bats might, just might, have taken issue with Joker going to Hell (or at least a Hell World) when she promised she wouldn't kill him.
Batman:"So, what did you do?"
Saurial:"I sent him to Hell."
B:"You killed him?"
S:"No, I sent him to Hell. That's not the same as killing him. He was alive when he got there."
B:"And that isn't going to eventually kill him?"
S:"I figured he'd take over first."
B:"...... And how, exactly, is this any better?"
Jimmy:" Er, Batman, I was sent to that hell myself. It's unpleasant, but empty. He's the only one there."
B:"....Alright. I can accept that. At least you aren't inflicting him on any poor demons....."
And it's also convenient that Plastic Man is immortal right? (I would think he is.)
How the Joker hasn't had some sort of kill order on him in JL's earth I'll never know.
Bruce you're as useless as tits on a boar. You need Joker alive because without him what are you but a less insane version of Joker.
A man who dresses like a bat and breaks and enters and destroys more property than Glory Girl. The League should know better, hell the planet should know better. Every person he kills is on your heads.
Joker should'a been dropped on a dino world like that Royat Taylor did.
There aren't enough Dr. Yamada's for Bruce. He's a high functioning headcase with a army of enablers.
Bruce you're as useless as tits on a boar. You need Joker alive because without him what are you but a less insane version of Joker.
A man who dresses like a bat and breaks and enters and destroys more property than Glory Girl. The League should know better, hell the planet should know better. Every person he kills is on your heads.
Joker should'a been dropped on a dino world like that Royat Taylor did.
There aren't enough Dr. Yamada's for Bruce. He's a high functioning headcase with a army of enablers.
Oh dear. I suppose that as they have been exposed to the Marvel and DC universes for some time now, it was inevitable that they would eventually be infected by comic book (in)competence. Although to be fair, Joker is somewhat of a special case in that measures that would be perfectly successful in neutralizing anyone else will fail or result in worse consequences than doing nothing at all.
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
Uh, there was a storyline within the last few years where Bruce got to use Metron's chair, and used it to determine Joker's identity. What he learned is that there has been more then one Joker, and that The Joker is a literal curse on Gotham City.
- Location
- The State of Denial
Honestly, with the Joker, the airlock sounds like a great option.
But setting him on a world to be hunted by Predators is a fair bit outside of Taylor's wheelhouse.
Stuffing him in the Birdcage 2.0, I can see. Blast Voice Erasure, I can see.
But not letting him get hunted for sport.
But setting him on a world to be hunted by Predators is a fair bit outside of Taylor's wheelhouse.
Stuffing him in the Birdcage 2.0, I can see. Blast Voice Erasure, I can see.
But not letting him get hunted for sport.
L-Space Traveler
Ook eek ook. (Translation: Verified Not a Monkey)
- Location
- Trapped in Necrotelecomnicon
Honestly, not too surprised that the Joker is a literal curse. Maybe something a villain did back when Gotham was the site of JSA headquarters?
- Location
- Elsewhere
That is the first reasonable explanation for the Joker I have ever seen. Because quite frankly you would think after the 2nd or 3ed time he broke out a police officer would have put several rounds into him because the officer was "afraid for his life" and if there wasn't *something* supernatural going on that would be the end of that.
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
The curse is older then that even. It dates back to the 1800's at least.
- Location
- The general area. Possibly behind you.
Well, an unbelievably old Greater Demon is probably just what you want to break an old curse.
Then jump and down on the parts, eat them, find the one who did the curse, grin very very slowly at them, and so on...
Then jump and down on the parts, eat them, find the one who did the curse, grin very very slowly at them, and so on...
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
Well, an unbelievably old Greater Demon is probably just what you want to break an old curse.
Then jump and down on the parts, eat them, find the one who did the curse, grin very very slowly at them, and so on...
I could be wrong, but I think the curse is more due to location then the actions of anyone. Similar to Slaughter Swamp's cursed nature leading to Solomon Grundy and the Scarface.
- Location
- The general area. Possibly behind you.
And you think the Varga can't intimidate a location?
Hmm...
Not convinced. I think that if he wants, he can make a mountain shit itself...
Hmm...
Not convinced. I think that if he wants, he can make a mountain shit itself...
- Location
- US
Wasn't there an omake series from mppi where Saurial was able to terrify the Joker into not making a fuss at Arkham? I'm all for the TV lizards Geth-infiltrating other stories, but this omake feels like it's doing a disservice to the TV source material.
Oh, we need Taylor/Varga to meet up with Blood and Etrigan, I think that's their names anyway.
Last edited: