Ship of Fools: A Taylor Varga Omake (Complete)

Ah, but a smidge and about-that-much are measurements of volume, not weight. A smidge might weigh a bit, or it may weigh an ever-so-much. It depends on what material you're weighing.
 
Wizard, lizard, what's the difference?

Coughcough Yogscast Sips Skyrim... "Ohoho, I'll be taking that Staff of Magnus"

It's always fun to see third-rater villains bite off more lizard/wizard than they can chew.

On the gripping hand, if a billion people flip a coin, someone's going to get heads 30x in a row.

Yeah, Coil.

(Incidentally why I don't follow Wildbow's explaination that Coil's power is yet more precog.)
 
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Yeah, Coil. (Incidentally why I despise Wildbow's retcon that that shard works as yet another precog shard.)

I've long pointed out my doubts regarding how Wildbow claims Coil's power works due to his claims not matching what is shown in-story. Yes, there's a single line in a Coil centered interlude where Coil muses that he doesn't really know if he's actually experiencing two timelines or not. But every time he's shown to be using his powers he does stuff like the coin trick in a moving vehicle. And since he wasn't driving said vehicle, he had zero control over any variable other then his personal body. So even if his shard puppeted his body to match the 'kept' timeline it would be extremely unlikely that the coin tosses would exactly match the precog vision due to outside variables Coil and his shard weren't controlling.
 
Chapter 13: Luck and Memories
Chapter 13: Luck and Memories

"So, what did you think of our guests?" asked Jimmy, looking at Daniel.

The Family and their DWU friends had gone back to their office with an agreement to have the dimensional travelers head over to the BBFO office in the morning. Everybody had needed time to absorb information, and some of the crew of the Ship of Fools needed a good night's rest to recover from healing.

Daniel thought about what to say. "Saurial at least is exceptionally intelligent. Her grasp of the wormhole mechanics would have easily let her hold her own in a conversation with the Ancients who designed the drive. She demonstrated an ability to visualize higher-dimension mathematics and spatial relationships. That puts her at above-human-level intelligence."

"I would say all of the reptiles seemed exceptionally intelligent," added Peter. "Talking to Raptaur, I sometimes felt like a kid talking to his grandparent."

Taylor thought about what she knew about this reality's Taylor and Varga. The merger with the demon must have had a dramatic impact on her mental abilities. 'I'm good in math...but that's for an American high school student, not for a member of an ancient race of super engineers,' she thought. She wondered how much of the Taylor/Varga merger was still Taylor? She would have to ask some additional questions if she got the chance.

"The folks from the DWU were pretty sharp as well," added Jimmy. "Danny and Randall both impressed me."

"Linda and Kevin both seemed to have a very sophisticated understanding of the technology on this ship," added Daniel. "Some of that may have been knowing the fiction about our universes, but they still showed an understanding of technology far in advance of what should be possible on Earth at this point in history." He thought Samantha would have found herself in the odd position of not being the most intelligent person in the conversation. She would have more than held her own with Linda and Kevin (and Daniel, of course), but Saurial and Raptaur would have been a different matter. In some ways, it was like talking to the Asgard, if the Asgard had had better senses of humor.

"Is anybody else freaked out about the fact that ALL of our universes seem to be depicted in fiction here?" asked Peter.

"Mine isn't," said Taylor.

"That may only be because we're in an analog of your universe right now," replied Jimmy.

"Technically, that just means that most of the fiction in this universe is set in your universe, or at least THIS universe," suggested Daniel with a small smile.

They all thought about that for a moment.

"Hey, guys," called out a voice from the doorway. The four in the galley turned and universally stared in surprise.

"Xander, they fixed your eye?" asked Taylor.

The twenty-something from Sunnydale walked over to the replicator alcove as he answered. "Yep, they actually fixed quite a few little aches and injuries, some of which I stopped noticing because I've had them so long. I'm STARVING now, though. I'm actually surprised the other patients haven't shown up to refuel."

"If nothing else," said Peter, "the healing here has been worth the stop in this universe. I'm going to guess that they fixed Harry's hand, as well?"

"Probably," answered Xander, "but he was the last one in. I didn't stick around to see him leave. I think they fixed something fairly serious with Ellen, though...Metis and Ianthe described it as, 'life-threatening.'"

The five of them shared a meal, and Xander did indeed eat like he was sixteen again and recovering from yet another possession. Harry showed up eventually, as he too was quite hungry, but other than showing the group his healed hand, he was rather withdrawn and thoughtful for the rest of the meal.

Miles and Ellen didn't make an appearance until the next morning.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Is it just me, or has everybody on that ship been dealt a bad hand by fate?" asked Randall of the group sitting in the BBFO office.

"The ones that I healed definitely had," answered Ianthe. "Each of them reminded me of how capes look after they've survived multiple Endbringer fights."

"The others were the same," added Metis. "They just didn't have serious-enough current problems to merit your attention, Ianthe."

"They are all extraordinary people who have survived exceptional trials. Even those with powers have been set upon by challenges that easily could have exceeded their abilities," contributed Varga.

"Is there anybody here who thinks we shouldn't help these folks?" asked Saurial, looking around the room. Nobody objected, which was what she expected.

"They all seem like good people," said Linda, "so it would be kind of hypocritical for me to argue against helping them. You guys," she said while indicating the lizards, "have helped folks who arguably deserved it less."

"So you would be willing oversee the refit of the Ship of Fools as we discussed?" asked Saurial of Linda.

"Of course...but are they going to need it? Aren't we going to just help them get home?" asked the female tinker.

"We will, but I think Saurial and Raptaur have some ideas to assist," replied Metis. "At a minimum, we have access to information about each of their universes that may help them in the future."

"I'm not saying I'm against it," said Kevin, "but wouldn't that change their timelines?"

"It undoubtedly would for those individuals, but there seem to be multiple instances of each universe with variations. Just look at their Taylor versus the one in this universe. Spider-Man and Dr. Jackson also have encountered worlds where alternate versions of themselves existed. I would suggest we limit our intervention to close to their time of origin, however, to avoid causing problems for them. Time travel is not something to use without great care." Varga's tone made it clear that this was a serious topic.

"That still gives us a lot of leeway," said Saurial. "Dragon, would you be able to summarize the major events we know of from fictional accounts of their realities?"

"Of course. I'll also come up with a list of questions that we can use to try and narrow down any variations. The comic book universes in particular suffer from a plethora of interpretations," replied the woman in power armor.

Kevin raised his hand for attention. "What happens if some of them don't want to go back? More importantly, what happens if they want to collect their loved ones and head somewhere else? Personally, I wouldn't necessarily want to live in a dimension with Galactus, or where Ripley's aliens might take over Earth."

"We can deal with that when and if it comes up," answered Saurial. "We have resources and a certain amount of political clout with the local government."

"Not just the local government," said Dragon. "I'm not sure you realize how much of an impact you've made beyond Brockton Bay, but the Protectorate, the PRT and both the state and Federal governments are going to be pretty accommodating to anything reasonable you request. If nothing else, nobody wants to see Kaiju get irritated...especially the people who are privy to what happened with Eidolon."

None of the Family seemed particularly surprised by this statement, which confirmed to Dragon that they were well aware of the impact their actions had had. She suspected that quite a lot of their interactions with the Protectorate had been calculated to have a specific effect. They demonstrated a surprisingly savvy understanding of human psychology and political maneuvering. That fit with what little she knew of their history.

"What, if anything, do you intend to tell the Protectorate?" asked Dragon. Implicit in that statement was the fact that Dragon had certain procedures she would follow when appropriate...unless ordered otherwise by lawful authority.

"For now, BBFO is working with affiliated DWU capes on classified technology. For those in the know of such things, we're working on higher-dimensional mathematics related to wormholes," answered Saurial with a grin. "We will of course share any significant breakthroughs in the science if it is safe to do so." Of course, it would be up to the Family to decide what was safe.

Phrased that way, Dragon would have some leeway on how to respond to inquiries. Technically, she was supposed to report visitors from alternate dimensions, but there were allowances for extenuating circumstances, especially now that she had the ability to push back against orders from other authorities. The convenient thing about bureaucracy was that there was almost always a way to justify obfuscation and delay. Too bad it cut both ways.

The group briefly discussed the plans for the spaceship refit, then Dragon reiterated her intention to come back tomorrow to meet with the full group and left for the Rig. Linda, Randall and Kevin also left to take care of some things before bed, including getting dinner.

After the rest departed, Metis said, "We're going to have to monitor what happens with the Endbringers. We don't really know if it is the Family, or Varga specifically, that is causing them to hold back. It would be terrible if they started to move as soon as you two crossed into another reality."

"We still have a lot of work before we get to that point," said Saurial.

Varga added, "If nothing else, we should experiment and see their reaction. It will at least provide us with another useful data point for our analysis."

Saurial nodded, and said, "We also want to consider if we want to offer permanent symbiotes to any of them."

"Secrecy isn't really an issue for people who will be returning to their own realities," thought Ianthe out loud. "We'll want to monitor what effect a symbiote might have on any special abilities. We don't want to foul up Harry's magic, or Peter's superpowers."

"I believe the risk is minimal," said Metis. "Our powers haven't been negatively impacted, and we have the ability to remove them if they do cause an issue. Speaking of magic, though, we wanted to know if there was some type of magical cleansing or healing that could be applied to Xander and Harry. They've been exposed to some very dark magic."

"I'm also pretty sure that some of the abilities Xander has are enhanced mystically," said Ianthe. "There isn't a purely physiological explanation for why he seems to be at a Brute 1 or 2 level of resilience and healing."

Raptaur sat and thought for a moment. "I do have a number of possibilities in my memories. I will have to think about it and see if I can come up with something that will work for them, given their origins and the divergent magical systems." He would also have to account for the fact that Dresden had apparently been gifted with the Mantle of Winter as the Winter Knight, though he had yet to try and draw upon it to any significant degree. Some diagnostic spells may be in order before deciding on an approach.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

As the three capes headed off to their respective work areas, Randall spoke up. "Just FYI, Harry and Xander know that I'm Über."

Kevin looked at his friend. "How did that come up? You know that knowing you're Über pretty much outs me as Leet."

Randall shrugged and answered, "We were talking about secrets. Harry and Xander were a little freaked that we probably knew some of their secrets, especially the ones they knew that they weren't at liberty to share. They were also a little suspicious when Metis told them that Linda didn't know all of the Family secrets."

Linda just scoffed. "Secrets are just part of being a cape. I don't expect the Family to share everything with me. Hell, something tells me I don't WANT them to share everything with me."

"Yeah," agreed Randall, "but I can see where they were coming from. It would be pretty fucking weird to know that there was a story about you that made some of your most deeply held secrets common knowledge."

Kevin laughed. "Yeah, imagine if everybody knew that you wrote homoerotic Legend fanfiction."

"Asshole!" said Randall. "That was just once, and it involved the whole Triumvirate, and I was fifteen."

Linda was clearly holding in her laughter, and doing a pretty bad job of it. "I don't think you have to worry about Xander going back home and telling Buffy and Willow about your secret identity."

"Yeah, but what if somebody writes a new Buffy story about Xander's adventure, and mentions our identities?" asked Kevin.

Linda's face turned skeptical. "Don't you think that's pretty fucking unlikely?"

"As unlikely as a spaceship turning up with Spider-Man and a half-dozen other characters from different fictional universes?" asked Kevin mulishly.

Linda waved that away. "If you're worried about it, just tell Saurial or Metis about it. You guys are DWU now. The union has your back, and that means the Family has got your back. You really think anybody is going to mess with you?"

Both Randall and Kevin looked at each other. Neither of them had really adjusted to the idea that they were now part of something like that. For years, they had balanced their hobbies and criminal careers on the edge of not pissing off anybody powerful enough to make an example of them, whether it was the Protectorate or the other gangs. They were both quiet with thought as they waved goodbye to Linda and went into their new lab.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Ripley was walking through a metallic corridor. The dirt and condensation were just like the engineering access corridors on the Nostromo, but she didn't recognize this specific location. She tried to make as little noise as possible as she moved through the dark. That was a hard-learned lesson. You never know what's listening for you in the dark, or whether this time the monsters would be real.

She could hear her heart beating rapidly as she started moving toward a light up ahead. It never even occurred to her to stop moving forward. Each foot step was automatic, like something was calling to her. With each step, a nagging sensation kept trying to draw her attention. When she was about five meters from the opening with the light, she could tell what it was. That odor was terrifyingly familiar. She never really talked to anybody about the smell. A single xenomorph tended to smell like their environment -- engine grease, dirt, maybe blood. The breath stank of carrion. An area infested with xenomorphs, though, smelled of rotting flesh, musk and sourness. She remembered the egg-chamber of the queen on LV-426 with a shudder.

As she walked into the light, she could see the wrinkled, ovoid eggs sitting in the middle of the room. Around the walls were the other members of the
Ship of Fools crew, entombed and waiting. Taylor, Peter, Daniel, Jimmy, Miles and Harry. As she looked at the scene, the thought came to her that the eggs were her eggs. She looked down at her hands, only to see the legs of a xenomorph queen. As she was working through the implications, her eyes were drawn to the motion of one of the eggs in the center of the room opening. A face-hugger slowly crawled out, then looked at the trapped human hosts, as if choosing. Then it JUMPED.

Ellen Ripley jumped upright in her bed, her forming scream suppressed with a skill born of long experience. She stared at the bulkhead while her breath panted in and out in staccato bursts, eventually slowing down along with her heart rate.

Knowing that sleep wouldn't come again easily, she got up and went to the galley to find something to eat. She had missed dinner.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Miles was sitting alone in the dining area with a cup of orange juice and a bagel with cream cheese. He was halfheartedly filling his stomach as he thought back to his dream. He was remembering the cell again. The cell he had never been in, but that he remembered better than he remembered his own apartment on Deep Space 9. The discussion with the lizards today had obviously brought those memories back to him. He hadn't had a dream quite that bad in months. It made him consider what Ianthe had told him she could do. If the Argrathi really had screwed up some of his own real memories, then fixing it was appealing. The idea that he had suffered damage to his real memories actually explained some things about his behavior after getting back home.

He looked up as Ellen came into the dining area.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" he asked.

"Bad dreams," she said simply as she headed to the replicator.

After she brought her tray back to the table, he asked, "Did your session with the lizards dredge up some bad memories, too?"

She looked at him for a moment, considering. "Yes, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse if they hadn't healed me. My nightmares were about what could have happened."

"They helped you, then?" he asked. After she nodded affirmatively, he explained, "They made me an offer, too. They said they could help fix some of what happened when I had those memories of prison stuck in my head."

"You told them no?" she asked, slightly surprised.

"I'm a little wary of having more people rooting around in my noggin," he said slightly ruefully. "Although they seem to be able to work miracles, and that's coming from somebody who's used to medicine being able to fix almost anything."

She didn't say anything for a minute as she chewed her cereal. After a moment, she spoke. "Frankly, those lizards scare the hell out of me. I've had more than enough of being around non-humans with mouths full of pointy teeth. Despite my own prejudices, though, they've been nothing but helpful, and they saved my life. I don't think the doctors in my universe could have done the same."

"They gave Xander back his eye, you know. I saw him when he was coming out of his session after you left," said O'Brien.

"That's good," she replied. "He's too young to have to live with that kind of disability."

"He's too young to deal with a lot of what he's dealt with, honestly," said O'Brien. "But then, so was I at one point in time..."

"The universe doesn't really care how old you are," Ripley said fatalistically. "My daughter was too young to lose her mother. Newt was too young to lose her family, or to have to hide to stay alive."

"Did I tell you about the time Molly got caught in a time vortex?" asked Miles. He continued when Ellen shook her head with a negative. "She was sent back in time and grew up outside civilization. She came back as a teenager, but she was almost feral."

"Oh my God," said Ripley, "how did you handle that?"

"We got lucky. The older Molly went back into the rift and sent her younger self back through right after she arrived," he explained.

Ripley stared at him for a long moment. "So, what happened to the teen-aged Molly?"

Miles looked down at the table and said quietly, "We think that when she sent her younger self back into the future, she destroyed her own timeline and ceased to exist."

Ellen considered that. How would it be to meet a teen-aged version of your own child, only to watch her effectively kill herself to save a younger version of herself? Then again, had it really happened at all? It sounded as though that timeline...retroactively never occurred?

"I...don't know if I can really understand time travel like that," said Ripley. "I can say that I envy you being able to watch your daughter grow up."

Miles thought about that. He probably should focus more on the fact that he still had his daughter to raise. That thought also made it easier to decide how to respond to Ianthe's offer.
 
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Fascinating. It appears I am the first to find the newest chapter. I guess it pays not to have a job so I can spend as much time as I like on the Internet.

Thank you for the new chapter, especially as it's only two days since the last. May you never suffer from Tribbles in your engine room.
 
Thank you for the new chapter, especially as it's only two days since the last. May you never suffer from Tribbles in your engine room.

A proper engineer, under such circumstances, would then redesign the engines to run on Tribbles. Resulting in a self-replicating fuel supply.

The main problem is breeding Anti-Tribbles, of course...

:D
 
Except that what you are talking about is perpetual motion. In fact, Tribbles don't really propagate unless there is a food supply. No food, no Tribbles.
This is just a case of changing your fuel. :)

Since you can replicate the fuel for Tribbles, it's a plus!

EDIT: I wonder how Klingons would react to Antitribbles? Or the other way around.
 
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I wonder how Klingons would react to Antitribbles? Or the other way around.

One refers you to the TAS episode "More Tribbles, More Troubles", featuring the second appearance of Klingon Captain Koloth, and the never-again-seen Klingon Stasis Field weapon (a device capable of neutralizing the Enterprise's power systems and disabling her weapons... but draining so much power from Koloth's own ship that he cannot attack, either.)

The episode featured a cameo appearance by author David Gerrold as an Enterprise transporter operator... and the glommer, a creature genetically engineered by the Klingons to specifically prey on tribbles. The closest thing to an anti-tribble to appear in canon.....
 
I'm probably going to leave it alone unless I can come up with a really amusing concept for having Dresden curdle cream as a side effect of his magic. There just aren't enough opportunities for fights in Dairy Queens to make it worthwhile...

If you want ideas. Has Harry been out in the sun yet?
Noir Wizard Detective Harry + Twilight Vampire Sparkles = Amusement
 
Omake of an Omake: Weird Ideas
Omake of an Omake: Weird Ideas

Lisa let herself into the BBFO offices to find that Amy was sitting with a laptop, cackling fiendishly. "Are you dreaming up some new abomination to unleash on the unwitting citizens of Brockton Bay?" she asked her friend.

Amy shook her head. "I found this old fanfic about the Triumvirate having a threesome. I'm writing an omake of it."

"Wait," said Lisa, her face getting serious. "Are you writing an omake inside an omake of an omake?"

"I guess. Why?" asked Amy, suddenly concerned.

"You don't want to go too many levels deep," explained Lisa. "You can get lost down there." Lisa looked over and noticed a top spinning on the table. "How long has that been spinning?" she asked.

"That?" said Amy. "I'm not sure -- Saurial started it up a couple of weeks ago. Why, does it mean something?"

"Nah, just curious," said Lisa. "So tell me about this story you found..."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The Yautja dropped his tactical cloak as he reached the building his target had entered. This prey was his most challenging hunt yet. Success here would see him ranked elite. Charging the plasma projector on his shoulder, he began to push open the door to enter, when suddenly it was yanked open, surprising the hunter.

A lizard in a trench coat and fedora was standing inside the door. "Excuse me," she said loudly. "Did you know that there is an under-aged girl living at this address?"

The hunter began to back away slowly, having lost the advantage...when he heard a puff of gas and felt a stinging sensation on the back of his neck...followed by nothingness.

"Whelp," said Ianthe, coming up from behind the unconscious alien, "looks like we caught another one. Did you guys get that on film?"

'Yep, we got it. That last one is enough for our first episode," came Leet's voice out of the hand radio on the side table.

"I love reality TV," said Saurial with a smirk.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"I TOLD you to clean out that fridge before we packed it from the old place," yelled Randall, ducking down behind a table.

"I thought you said you did it!" yelled back Kevin. He dove behind an old couch, dodging a horde of miniature rockets and lasers.

Advancing across the tile from the cracked-open mini-fridge was a horde of tiny green beings. Intermittently, one of them would yell, "WAAAUGH!"

The door to the lab opened and Linda came in, asking, "What's all this noise...eep!" She ducked as a tiny green being flew at her on a crude flying machine that appeared to have been assembled from kitchen utensils.

"It's Leet's fault!" yelled Randall. Linda jumped down beside him, using the table as cover.

Suddenly, the power went out, plunging the lab into darkness.

"Why is it so DARK in here?" asked Linda.

"Yeah," said Kevin. "It suddenly got really grim and dark all of a sudden."

There was a sudden, blinding explosion in the darkness, followed by a tiny shout of, "MORE DAKKA!"

"We have to do something...what's that red glow?" yelled Randall.

Kevin tried to find the glow, and noticed it on the workbench. "I think that's the potato salad from last week."

"Ugh, gross guys," said Linda. "I've seen some disgusting shit, but really?"

In the darkness there began a loud clanking sound, as if a miniature giant mech was beginning to move.

"KNOCK OVER THE POTATO SALAD!" yelled Randall. Kevin tossed one of his shoes at it, knocking it off of the bench and onto the floor. The dull red glow grew brighter with an otherworldly light.

A disturbing voice called out, "SPUDS FOR THE SPUD GOD!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Miles was waiting for the lizards to get back. They had been called away on a sudden emergency while they were working on the new drive schematics, so he was alone in the BBFO offices. He was busy looking at a drink machine that seemed to be some kind of replicator that just did liquids when there was a loud knock on the door. Not sure what to do, he went over to answer the door.

Standing outside was a man wearing a full set of power armor. "Can I help you?" Miles asked.

The man asked, "Are Raptaur or Saurial here? I was supposed to talk to them about a project."

Miles shook his head. "I'm sorry, they got called away on a sudden emergency. Can I take a message?"

"Just tell them that Armsmaster stopped by to talk about our project, please," answered the man. He then looked closely at Miles, and said, "I really liked The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain."

Miles just stared for a moment, then said, "Thanks a lot. I'll let them know you stopped by." Without another word, Armsmaster turned away and walked back to his motorcycle. "That was weird," he said to himself as he went back to look at the drink machine.
 
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I don't know which of those snippets was funnier, but they were all great! It wouldn't surprise me if Leet accidentally made those though.
 
That bit with Armsmaster needs to become part of the main storyline...

I want to see how Saurial explains why Colm Meany looks like Miles O'Brien and his job.
 
(Incidentally why I don't follow Wildbow's explaination that Coil's power is yet more precog.)

Yep. You can absolutely predict probability distributions. (With the caveat that sometimes the answer is "it's so chaotic we can't even".) But trying to predict e.g. a specific raindrop? Good luck.

Are you familiar with Lyapunov time? Effectively, in a chaotic system nearby trajectories diverge by a factor of `e` in one Lyapunov time. So if you have a measurement error of 1cm at t=0, you have a measurement error of e cm at t=Lyapunov time, e2​ at t=2*Lyapunov time, etc. To rather oversimplify.

That exponent just kills you. ln(Earth's diameter / Planck length) is under a hundred, after all.

Barring quasi-infinitely-precise knowledge of initial conditions - with all the repercussions that that would have - you're not going to be able to precisely determine e.g. the orientation of Hyperion a decade from now.
 
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