Everything was bright and shimmering. In the white room, the white dancers danced white. In the mirrors they seemed to float, to fly, to drift silent above the beautiful floor, shining like the surface of a lake. It was--
It was--
"A dance class?"
Her father peered over heavy spectacles, set like a stone in the darkness of his office. His face, illuminated by the monitor in front of him, seemed to glow, the one visible figure in a room full of silhouettes. His grand bulk loomed over the girl's frail figure.
"I--" she squeaked, but nothing more came out. She swallowed slowly, her father's impassive gaze firm upon her.
So why did she feel so invisible?
o
"One-two-three, step-two-three, turn-two-and, arms-two-three, wave-those-arms, one-two-click, turn-and-click, click-two-three, click-click-three, click-click-click, click-click-click, click-click-click...
The watch clicked like a metronome as she drifted through the bedroom mirror, light on a cloud of wind and strings. It was a world of music and light, a world where she could be--where she could
be.
o
Spotlight.
One-
two-
beep
Step-
two-
beep
One-
two-
beep
Turn-
and-
beep
Click-
two-
beep
Click-
two-
beep
Click-
two-
beep
Click-
and-
"Daddy, I want to go to a dance class."
It would rain the next day.
o
Together.
In the mirror, she stood in a line,
arms upraised, feet en pointe,
she imitated the ghosts beside her,
gliding above the cold November sky.
Silent, invisible, and beautiful, she drifted and swayed.
Her heart carried her forward, around, up to the heavens and back again, in the throes of selfless ecstasy.
If only.
o
Her father handed her a slim, square present, wrapped in shining red-and-white. The girl reached forward to take it, careful not to disturb the wires and tubes stretching away from her bed into the harsh, fluorescent room. She couldn't pretend it did not exist.
"It's the last one. Go ahead."
His voice pounded in her ears, absurd in this environment. Was this the same man whose gaze weighed down on her so heavily, all those years--no, all those weeks ago?
Yes.
Even now his eyes were that same shade of sightless black.
Even now his face was that same livid white.
It was not the girl's hands that pulled at the corners of the wrapping paper. It couldn't be.
Her father's precise nails peeled off the tape from the package. His calloused fingers tore at the beautiful paper. His wide, stark, chalky hands gripped the gift inside.
The Tale of the Nutcracker.
"Oh."
And though she was only nine, she hated him.
o
Bright her heart
Bright and it leapt
Bright a hammer
Bright the mirror
Bright together
Bright daddy
Bright Bright
Blind
Bright Bright
Help
Bright
I can't
Bright
Can you
Bright
See?
o
Homura stared at the dark ceiling above her. She made no expression.
It was a nice fantasy.
It made sense.
Turning, she buried her head in the pillow beside her.
She'd given up on fantasies long ago.