AN: I swear the apparent reference to red chocobos was totally coincidental. A happy coincidence and one I found amusing given the prior thread mention, but a coincidence nonetheless.
Lili still wasn't sure what to think of her life or if she was actually even still
sane. It was certainly strange enough to be a fever dream. In the span of just a few hours, she'd been kidnapped off the street, pulled from the Soma Familia without any real fight, acknowledged as the newly-adopted sibling of royalty, and blessed with an extremely powerful skill by a self-sacrificing Spirit that
also viewed her as a sibling. It was like one of the fairy tales that Lili clung to when she was younger, one where a royal figure or god swept into a serf's life and carried them away to a life of luxury and/or glorified adventure. It now made sense that they typically ended with "
and they lived happily ever after" at that point; the
after was too strange to fit into a story.
Even the most welcoming of Familia still acted uncertain around new members, Lili knew. The sole exception seemed to be the Familia of the Goddess of Hearth and Home, Hestia. She supposed it made sense;
"all are welcome by the hearth" was still a common creed in much of the world. An innkeeper might not offer a room or bed to travelers without coin, but they were still allowed to rest by the fire. She was still amazed it was happening to
her, though. She'd stopped thinking she was special years ago; even her first skill was something intended to let her act like a sapient pack mule. Despite that, Lady Hestia was still letting Lili cling to her without complaint.
"Lili is sorry," the Supporter mumbled. "Lili didn't mean to bother Lady Hestia and Queen Administrator."
The goddess gave Lili an oddly comforting squeeze.
"You don't need to apologize for how you feel," Hestia half-chided. "Or call me a lady. I knew you'd need plenty of time and care the first time I saw you. I wanted to have a
family when I descended, not a glorified group of employees or an egotistical showpiece. You aren't a bother; comforting others and making them happy makes
me happy, too."
And Lili could honestly believe her. The gods could sometimes be a little
off depending on their duties. Soma only cared about wine. Hasamelis, God of Travelers, loathed staying in one place for more time than it took to explore an area to his satisfaction. Apollo, God of the Sun, wanted his Familia to be as beautiful as he perceived the Sun to be. The late Zeus, God of Thunder, had reportedly been infamous for having brief trysts with practically every willing female he could find before vanishing as quickly as his namesake. Only the fact that gods were infertile kept Zeus from having countless bastards, divine and half-mortal alike.
Yes, practically every god was just a little mad. Lili had just gotten lucky to be inducted into a Familia of one obsessed with making her chosen family happy. Not
having a happy family, but
making a family happy. Lili would be a stain on the first one, and since Hestia wasn't upset by her inclusion, it seemed as though she really did mean what she said. Plus, Queen Administrator's usually-expressionless visage was about as far from a happy family member as you could get.
"Would it help you feel better if I offered a Friend again?" Queen Administrator asked, still seeming bewildered by Lili's tears.
"You can hug and cuddle Friends all you like. That is a significant portion of why I make them."
A slightly hysterical giggle escaped the Supporter. That was another thing: Queen Administrator wasn't just royalty, but Spirit royalty who could grant skills and
make life. Lili had thought that was reserved for the Dungeon, the gods themselves, and normal parents.
"Give her time, Administrator," Hestia said quietly. "I think she's still feeling a little overwhelmed, and that's okay. She's had a long day."
"Understood. However, she might feel safer if I made household Guardian-Friends; would snakes be acceptable? They could easily slumber within cushions or the walls, then come to our aid as needed."
"That is
absolutely not giving her time!"
A genuine smile briefly tugged at Lili's lips. There was one of the hints that Lili wasn't just dreaming everything: Queen Administrator was obliviously insensitive and didn't seem to know much about people in general. Lili would never have imagined a queen like that on her own. A thoughtless one, perhaps, but not one who tried despite her own cluelessness.
"Lili would like the house to be safer," Lili admitted.
The idea of having enough near-monstrous creatures to fight off the entire Soma Familia was a comforting one. It would save her from needing to decide on a Friend so soon; even if she just pulled from common household pets, she still had too many choices. Cats and dogs were both hunting animals. Rabbits would remind people of the monstrous version on the upper floors. She didn't want a pet who'd steal her belongings and hint at her past habits once the '
personalized Friends' excuse came out, so a squirrel or ferret wouldn't work. Chickens would make her feel like little more than a slave for the same reason. Lili had never really liked pigeons, but she had occasionally thought about how useful flight would be; adventurers could do many things, but they couldn't
fly. A Friend might even be able to steal belongings for her or help ferry incriminating items somewhere safe.
"We are not putting snakes in our house," Hestia sighed. "
Maybe a few dogs or cats. Not snakes, not mice, not rats, not lizards, not insects, not spiders, and not Friends pretending to be furniture."
Birds were pretty safe as far as animals went, too. Jack Birds were a rare first-floor monster with a drop worth around a
million Valis, but they didn't attack people; nobody would associate it with something bad. Jack Birds often led people into traps, but the rooster-like monsters themselves didn't hurt anyone. If they were cornered, they'd just briefly run up a wall and continue fleeing at a speed most level ones couldn't even see.
"Excellent work," QA praised Hestia in her dead imitation of a happy tone.
"I hadn't even proposed spiders, mice, or furniture-mimics yet."
Lili thought even a little bird could be easily weaponized. The bats of the tenth floor had shrieks that could disrupt concentration and hurt people; why couldn't an innocent songbird have the same? She was just having trouble deciding if she should ask for a big one or a little one. Lili's short legs could sometimes get annoying; occasionally being able to rest atop a larger bird would be nice. Not when Lili was carrying a full load, of course, but maybe on the way in and out of the Dungeon.
"I tried to look at it from the view of someone who makes animals like a carpenter makes furniture," Hestia sighed. "It was obvious. Please don't offer to make Lili a Friend backpack, either. You promised household cuddle-Friends, but I didn't know enough back then to realize you meant
that."
Or maybe
also when she was carrying a full load? Lili didn't know what the limitations on Friends were. If she fed them enough Magic Stones, they might be strong enough to carry things for her. That would render Lili
obsolete in some ways and that thought was frightening, but she could still help in others, couldn't she? Not having a backpack to lug around would make it easier to drag monsters out from underfoot, retrieve Magic Stones while combat was still ongoing, fire poisoned crossbow bolts through the eyes of distracted enemies, and generally make sure that monsters didn't sneak up on distracted allies. If she couldn't be a normal Supporter, that just meant she would need to find new ways to help.
"My former parental figure instituted that ban, too," QA noted.
"I do not understand why. The only difference between wearing animal furs and a disguised Friend is that one of them is still alive and capable of protecting its wearer."
Lili felt Hestia shudder, dragging the Supporter out of her planning in the process.
"
Definitely no clothing Friends," Hestia ordered. "Or Friends that look like people, or accessories, or furniture, or
anything that isn't ordinarily alive."
"Wood was once alive," Queen Administrator promptly protested.
"Lili doesn't want to interrupt," Lili lied, well aware that Hestia would be grateful for it. "But Lili was wondering if Queen Administrator thinks a bird Friend would be okay or what it could do. Lili isn't sure if she'd want a big one or a tiny one."
Hestia sighed as enthusiasm spread across Queen Administrator's features. Even though the goddess was facing away from QA, she still seemed to know what was coming.
"Here we go again," the goddess muttered.
Maybe not so grateful. Changing the subject from one unpleasant topic to another miiight not have been as helpful as Lili first thought.
"The feathers of Terran birds provide a useful base design capable of being improved in numerous different ways," Queen Administrator lectured.
"If so desired, I can make a single Friend with all of the following:"
Hestia began quietly humming a lullaby that seemed more for her own benefit than Lili's. The Supporter didn't think that would work very well as a distraction, but if Hestia wanted to try, she was allowed to.
"The central shaft, or rachis, of a feather may be filled with an explosive compound that would allow easy distribution of the feather's other components after post-launch impact. Alternatively, the rachis could be structured as a needle and act as a direct delivery mechanism for toxins. The vane, or outer sections of a feather, may also be filled with toxin; this would allow the barbs, barbules, and hooklets to incapacitate an enemy within a single volley. Some care will be taken to ensure none of these components could inadvertently harm allies instead, including a manual detonation option in the event of attempted theft and/or hijacking by a foe."
"What is with you and putting poison in everything?" Hestia burst out.
"It is a very efficient biological weapon and it would be negligent not to do something with all the unused portions of their diet," Queen Administrator happily answered.
"Resuming: Directed sonic weaponry may exploit constructive interference and general sonic properties to damage physical substances, including glass, numerous kinds of metal elements and metal alloys, wood, flesh—"
Hestia produced an incoherent whimpering noise and squeezed Lili to herself. The Supporter didn't think the hug was for her own benefit anymore.
"Lili thinks Lady Hestia would prefer if we talked about this later," Lili interrupted. "Does Queen Administrator think Lili would be better served by a little bird or a bigger bird?"
Hestia relaxed marginally, apparently hoping the interruption would be enough to transition to safer topics.
"A smaller bird would be a less capable Guardian," Queen Administrator admitted.
"I could still grant it a suitable sonic defense, but larger size means more space for weaponry. Poison dosage in feathers would be much lower, barbs would be smaller, and so on. That being said, I am perfectly capable of making you both a small bird-Friend and a large bird-Friend; the smaller variant would consume a minimal amount of resources when compared with its larger relative."
Lili's brow furrowed as she considered this. If Queen Administrator's Friends could just discard all the downsides of eating Magic Stones, then wouldn't little Friends benefit more than big ones anyway? They wouldn't need to spread the magic as far.
"If that's the case, why can't Queen Administrator just make Lili an entire flock of little ones? Birds normally hatch in groups, don't they?"
"There really are two of you," Hestia inexplicably muttered.
Queen Administrator mechanically nodded in agreement.
"I could. However, mind storage is limited and exceeding the limit would allow Friends to fully die when they're killed. Opting for quality over quantity ensures that I can simply create a new body for them — if one that does not benefit from past Magic Stone consumption — in the event of apparent death."
Lili's mind hiccuped and momentarily went blank.
She can manipulate souls. She can manipulate souls. Why can she manipulate souls? Spirits aren't supposed to be that strong.
"Lili is wondering if Lady Hestia is
sure gods can't have children," Lili questioned aloud.
The goddess let out a broken bark of laughter. Lili decided that it might not have been a good question to ask right then after all. Hestia
really didn't seem to like knowing about the specifics of Queen Administrator's Friends.
"I'm still certain," Hestia sighed. "Heaven's workload would be a lot lower if we could."
Lili had to admit that was probably true. The gods did seem like the sort to make kids do all the work just so their parents could laze around and drink wine all day. After all, that was basically what Soma did. Lili would just need to blame Queen Administrator's apparent status as a royal Spirit for her absurd feats despite her young age. After all, nobody
knew that Spirits got stronger as they got older; it could be that only the stronger ones survived that long. Giving hand-crossbows to babies seemed to imply there were a
lot of ways for them to die.
"Query: Lili, assuming you want a pair of bird-Friends as protectors, do you have any preferences on coloration?"
Crimson. It'd be easier to wash bloodstains off of them. Then again, QA's Friends hadn't had any blood on their fur when they captured Lili, so maybe it wasn't that much of a concern after all. Water slipped off ducks, didn't it? Why couldn't blood slip off Friends?
"Lili would like whatever makes them look cute and harmless," Lili said instead, then thought about the spike-monster sketch and a certain '
cute' color and quickly amended her request. "Without being pink. And maybe Queen Administrator should sketch one beforehand."
Hestia half-turned to QA and nodded in enthusiastic agreement, her thoughts apparently going to the same place as Lili. Queen Administrator seemed utterly oblivious to the parallel thinking of her other two Familia members; awareness of her own horrors didn't seem to be one of her strengths. Really,
living furniture and
Friendly backpacks? Even if Hestia had preemptively denied them, the fact that it'd
needed to be denied said something all on its own.
"Understood."
...She's going to draw some strange half-reptile abomination, isn't she?
