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Gestalt
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[X] Tit for tat.
- [X] Confession.
"..."
Say it. Tell her. She was brave enough to tell you.
Or desperate enough to tell someone, anyone.
Just
say it.
"... You're a better person than I would've been," you tell her. Taylor stays quiet, prompting you to continue speaking. You do.
The moment the first word comes out of your mouth, the rest follows more easily.
"There was this... well, guy, but I knew him since we were kids," you tell her, "It started with me being a little mean to him. I'm not really sure
why I began; maybe I was trying to hide a crush. Whatever. I'd push him during recess, he'd push me back. I learned that if I went to the teachers, nine times out of ten he'd be the one getting punished instead of me." Keep going. "It was... fun. Watching him squirm. It made me laugh. It made other people laugh too, and those people became my friends. We had one hell of a time, tormenting this one kid. If you have one kid saying he got shoved into the rose bushes and four saying they were on the other side of the playground, who do you think the teacher's gonna believe?" Keep going. "The best part was when he hit back, especially when we got older."
"It's funny," you say, quietly, "I could do all
sorts of things to him, but the moment he had enough of me... well, all people would see is a boy punching a girl that's
obviously smaller and weaker than him, and come to the conclusion that
he was bullying
me."
You laugh, bitterly,
bitterly.
"Oh, I
loved that. And sure, me and my
buddies found more targets, but this guy? He was my
favorite." You spit out the word. "I learned which buttons to push. I learned what words made him the angriest. I started rumours that made everyone treat him like he was radioactive. I glued every single page of his schoolbooks together. I stole stuff from other people and put it in his bag, poking out
juuust enough for someone else to see, and watched him take the blame. I made him fail a subject by printing out a sheet of paper with the answers to an exam and planting it under his desk, and the only reason I didn't try
that trick again was because it might take him away from me. I could go on. I could write a
book about all the petty, stupid fucking
things I did to him. I made every single second he spent near me
hell, for
years, because I. Found. It.
Fun."
You're panting. You hold out your hand, and make your gem appear. You watch, the self-loathing materializing as a dark, oily clould, gathering along the bottom, and resist the urge to close your hand and
squeeze.
"What happened?" Taylor asks, speaking for the first time.
"... Did you know that nobody actually thinks of themselves as the bad guy?" You laugh. "Yeah. You could be a little fucking
monster who gets her kicks out of making someone live throuh the worst time of their lives and you'll still twist yourself up in knots to keep believing that you're not in the wrong. 'He had it coming'. 'He deserves it'. 'It's just some fun'. 'He's just a freak'..."
"What happened was that I learned what sort of person I am in the absolute worst way possible," you tell Taylor, tonelessly. "But by the time I tried to turn around..."
"Why can't you just leave me alone!?"
"Well," You say, "It was too late for me to do anything but make things worse." You slide down, sitting on the scuffed and chipped linoleum floor, your back resting on the divider between the stalls, and your knees up against your chest. Your Gem glints darkly in your hands. "One day he just... didn't come to school. We found out a few days later. Hit and run accident. Guy had the BAC of a distillery."
You know it wasn't an accident. You know he saw an out and took it. You did this. You.
You close your eyes. Feel the Gem in your hands. Feel
yourself. The little decorations and flairs of the frame. The smooth, warm crystal. The cold spot at the bottom. One heartbeat. Another.
(Faintly, you hear the stall door open.)
You dig a Grief Seed out of your pocket and press it against your Gem. You feel something cold and clammy drift away from you, and your chest feels lighter. You breathe, and the air seems to fill you a little more fully. Warmth spreads across your body, starting at your core and then out towards your limbs. You open your eyes, and glance up and left; Taylor is there, looking down at you. Her eyes are red, and when you reach up to touch your face with the back of your hand, you feel dampness there.
You snort, holding up the Grief Seed in the hand not holding your Gem, the spike pinched between thumb and forefinger. Give it a shake, to show the motes of deepest black inside. You toss it up, grab it as it falls, and stuff it back inside your pocket, dismissing your Gem at the same time.
"Grief Seed; Never leave without one," you say. You sigh. "I learned
that the hard way. After I... Well, after I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I decided that some things needed to change." You tilt your head back, staring at the ceiling. "I marched straight to the Principal's office and told him
everything. Everything me and my
friends had done. Everything that I could remember. Everything."
"... And?"
"Some got expelled. Some got suspended." Your fists tighten. "Some were smart enough not to leave evidence where I could get it." A pause. "I got a termporary suspension, 'In recognition of my honesty'. None of them were my friends after that."
That's not quite what happened, though. You wanted all of you to go there, together, and share the guilt and punishment. But they didn't want to do that. You overheard them planning to pin everything on you, and decided to move
first.
"So yeah," you tell Taylor, climbing up to your full height. You wipe away what's left of your tears, and don't look up at her, "I'm a fucked-up, horrible person trying to be less fucked-up and horrible. I'm kinda terrible at it, but..." You laugh. Short, and more out of irony than any joy. You shrug helplessly. "I'm... trying."
You look up. Taylor's expression is... complicated. She's biting her lip, eyes looking down at her hands, fiddling with the sleeves of her zip-up sweatshirt. You stick your hand out at her, and her eyes follow it like it was some vaguely threatening spider. You look at her own; they've stopped moving, frozen.
For a moment, you feel as if you've made a
mistake. As if you've said
too much. As if you've
fucked up, again.
Just like you always do-
Taylor takes your hand.
"I..." She stops, pausing, trying to pick out the right words to use. "You're trying to help me. As far as I'm concerned... That's enough."
You almost
sag in relief. You hold her hand just a
little longer than it's strictly necessary (mostly because if you didn't, you'd be giving Taylor a
Puella Magi bearhug). "Thanks," you tell her, and blush a little at the obvious relief in your voice.
The two of you walk out of the bathroom. "Er, so, unless we've got something else to confess to each other, I think we should-"
Block!
Your hands snap up and grab an incoming fist a few inches from your face. You stare at the knuckles (dark skin, calloused from use) for a moment, and then past them at the owner.
Shadow Stalker stares back. She doesn't lose her balance when you shove her hand, merely taking a small step back. You feel Taylor freeze still behind you, but you keep your focus on the cape.
"... Sophia," you grind out, flexing your hands, "do you greet
everyone by trying to crack their skulls open, or is that just for me?"
"Just trying to keep you on your toes,
midget," she shoots back at you, smirking. She tries to punctuate that last part by stepping closer, emphasizing the height difference. Maybe if you were self-conscious about your height, this would've worked. Instead, you just
stare at her, arms crossed in front of you.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm short and adorable," you drawl, "Oh
woe is me. How will I ever recover." You scoff. "Just say whatever you're here to say, and go back to being Barnes's
flunkie."
Shadow Stalker shoots you the
mother of all glares. "Emma is my
friend, Rachel," she says, voice level and brimming with threat, "I'm nobody's
flunkie, got that?"
She seemed
genuinely offended by that. You raise an eyebrow.
Shadow Stalker backs away
minutely. "Randall didn't appreciate you manhandling him like that," She tells you, casually. "He's gonna be bringing a few friends with him to your little date."
Who the fuck is- oh. Wait. You have telepathy.
<<Hey, Taylor?>> you ask her, <<Who the heck is Randall?>>
It takes a moment for her to reply. <<... the guy you told to meet you in an alley after school for a fight.>>
<<...
Ah.>>
Oh.
Oh. Yeah, you
did do that. Huh.
"Oh?" you say to Shadow Stalker, arms crossed and using your most disinterested tone. Which isn't hard; a couple of people playing at being ABB weren't exactly something you were gonna be worried about. "Yeah, I told him to bring friends, if he's too much of a coward to face me by himself. Why are you telling me this?"
Shadow Stalker doesn't respond immediately. When she does, she smiles.
"Just wanted to make sure," she tells you, turning to leave. "Hope you don't mind an audience, though!"
She walks away, leaving for... wherever. You don't
care.
[-] Lunch. Lunch is good. Let's go get lunch. Taylor, where can we go to eat lunch in peace?
[-] Look for Sarah. Corner her. Ask her some goddamned questions. It is not fair that she's the only one who gets to keep her secrets today.