A Little Vice (Trans Magical Girl fic)

Simon_Jester · May 16, 2023

Shadell said:
Incidentally I have been watching Heartcatch specifically while writing this and if you want a magical girl show with (unintended but wow are they there) trans themes, Heartcatch is it.

Cure Sunshine definitely lends herself to such an interpretation.

Iris-Iven-Ibis · May 16, 2023

Shadell said:
I won't say much plot wise, but this is a solid summary of the relevant pacing, and the goal was to map onto the second of four presumed cours yeah, with the second half being a bit thematically distinct from the first.

That said, chapters are happening to fill the right story beats, so it's possible that "season 1" (cours 1-2 with a new ending or opening for season 2) could end up stretching awkwardly.

When this finish I hope we get a sequel basted of the other cours

GreatWyrmGold · May 16, 2023

Iris-Iven-Ibis said:
When this finish I hope we get a sequel basted of the other cours

That would be pretty neat! Like I alluded to earlier, even once C gets over her current issues and embraces her female identity, there's still plenty of obstacles to explore. Lingering drama between her/Inessa and Lupin, Temperance being smug, figuring out if/how to come out to her dad...oh yeah, and that dragon guy I guess.

I don't know if a "cour 1" prequel would be that interesting, though. Basically everything meaningful to C's story was exposited about in the actual story. There are unclear points and chances to expand on the lore, of course, but it would need to mostly function as a standalone magical girl story with an extra helping of dramatic irony.

Iris-Iven-Ibis · May 17, 2023

Figure that though POV character would be another character probably like the newest beast or wherever when it comes to cour 3 and 4 another thing I think about it this semi unrelated thoughts and character who men can make is being able to switch between the two forms now the beast that magical girl forms would be interesting

GreatWyrmGold · May 17, 2023

The trick would be finding a side character who can be turned into a sufficiently compelling protagonist, with a character arc mirroring the themes of C's story. Inessa and the Saints might nominally be the heroines of a magical girl series, but they and the other characters who aren't C were designed as supporting characters for C's story.

Which isn't throwing shade on the series, it's just a literal description of the purpose they were put to, which they were designed very well for. The problems that the Saints and Avaritia face, cope with, and to varying extents have overcome mirror the problems C faces, doesn't cope with, and mostly tries to avoid or deny. Superbia's ideology isn't well-defined, but it reflects a ridiculous (yet familiar) misunderstanding of what drives C.

It's like the cast is a kaleidoscope built around C, and that's part of what makes how everyone treats C so compelling. They all relate to C in different, contrasting ways, each a piece of a greater puzzle. Trying to take the parts of that kaleidoscope and construct them into a similar balance with a different center...it isn't impossible, but I wouldn't be surprised if Shadell decided to do something else instead.

Shadell · May 17, 2023

A hypothetical cour 1 prequel would more or less have to be Lupin, Temperance or maaaaaybe Inessa pov imo.

I'd probably lean toward Avaritia, since that'd hew the closest to getting to explore things from a side perspective that's doing drama around the conflict without featuring the show itself too much, and would be a bit of an interesting reversal to C's position.

Not that I have any actual plans for a prequel atm.

Likewise, while I have thought a bit about what I could do with a hypothetical sequel, I don't have any particular plans atm beyond focusing on the current story. And it would definitely be lower on my "how much of this is good to be written" list than most other wips I have floating around in my Google drive atm.

LampWitch · May 17, 2023

It will just be a slice of life comedy as the characters do the equivalent of postgame content, with missions to fix things in the Abyssal Forest and the Tree, and Michael training them further in their powers . Cue C helping the characters study for Saint university and learn gardening and whatever caring for a forest is called. Stewardship?

NonSequtur · May 17, 2023

Shadell said:
"I'm protecting him! And we're working on his family situation!" Inessa's words sounded defensive, even to me. And throwing my dad out there like he was a problem to be solved and not… whatever he was to me at this point hurt. I didn't want to be treated like a problem to be solved. Even Avaritia had made a pretense of talking to me about helping instead of just doing things, for all eir understanding of agreement might have been a bit lacking and ey weren't exactly comprehensible about it.

Lupin shrugged, "And have you ever thought that maybe C doesn't want to be protected? That they only go along with everything because they're too afraid to want something and be a 'bad' person? What if they don't want to be a bystander? What if C wants to shine instead of waiting like a good little princess for you to ride to the rescue? That's what virtue does! It tells the people what they're allowed to want! The people who are the good ones, the lucky ones, the ones who want to help everyone be as good as they are, they're only forcing themselves on everyone else!"

This sequence feels like it... didn't quite land, at least if the purpose was to make the case for vice. Like, yes, C is obviously much happier as a dark magical girl, but I don't think the story so far has really shown virtue, represented most literally as the three magical girls, as being stifling or oppositional to C's self-actualization. It works a bit better as something that isn't true but which C might, in their envy, believe, but I'm not sure that's the goal.

LampWitch · May 17, 2023

I mean, I think that's the intent. The Beast side seems to be incorrect. And C, during the day, doesn't really agree with them.

Ultrackius · May 17, 2023

I mean I'm fully down with the speech, I thought it was solid and convincing, and would like to point out that there's more to it then just the quoted section

Idk Wolfy's got a point here (not gonna try and spell that name)

General_Urist · May 17, 2023

Shadell said:
Lupin picked up a long belt covered with spikes, "This is not a $19.95 faux leather belt! No, it is a declaration of freedom, even if being free means indulging in terrible taste and bad cliches and spending money you shouldn't on all sorts of silly things!"

Keep up that attitude and your freedom may quickly be replaced by bondage to the counting-house >_>

But anyway. That was a nice mall trip. Lupin tries to act friendly, but some of their 'advice' is rather toxic when closely scrutinized. As expected from someone who happily works for the Abysssal Forest. Also I feel C gets more confused and unaware of the situation the longer the "girls' day out" goes on for. Influence of being around an AF agent for so long? Impending doom from the Resinner? Perhaps the imitation Chinese food was just that horrible? Who knows!

But the part that really disturbed me was when Lupin tried to peer pressure C into having their ears pierced for those earrings. Encouraging people to try different clothing items or life outlooks is one thing. But bullying them into getting holes cut though their flesh for your aesthetic pleasure? It makes me very, very unhappy.

Slow Learner said:
The writing is good but there's a lot of problems with this story. The world building as of the latest chapter is non-existent. We have no name for the town this takes place in, no info on why the 'evil' side is using kiddy gloves, and no info what country the story takes place in.

The mall in the latest chapter is referred to as a crumbling piece of "Americana" so presumbably it takes place on the north American continent at least

EDIT: though for something set in the USA there is a surprising lack of people responding to resinner attacks with gunfire. On the other hand, from our POV this is in the middle of the series so maybe people realized shotguns don't work because Reasons^TM back in the first three episodes.

Terrabrand · May 17, 2023

General_Urist said:
EDIT: though for something set in the USA there is a surprising lack of people responding to resinner attacks with gunfire. On the other hand, from our POV this is in the middle of the series so maybe people realized shotguns don't work because Reasons^TM back in the first three episodes.

Alternatively, it's a kids show so they're not going to actually address a conventional military response at all, whether adhoc or formal.

Like. A lot of kids shows just kinda gloss over the possibility of normies fighting back in any significant capacity, and that's fine, and as the premise of the story is essentially 'companion piece to hypothetical magical girl anime', it's somewhat to be expected to see such conventions manifest, much as C has been commenting on people doing field trips and such unabated in spite of them being seeming monster magnets.

GreatWyrmGold · May 17, 2023

NonSequtur said:
This sequence feels like it... didn't quite land, at least if the purpose was to make the case for vice.

I know that some people think that good villains need to be right, but in reality they just need* to think they're right for interesting reasons. And Avaricia's reasons are, in my opinion, wrong in an interesting way. There's a grain of truth embedded in a pearl of convenient-for-Superbia, and I find that more compelling than just making everyone kinda right.

WallFlower · May 18, 2023

I was looking for some trans themed music, and I found this which is just a perfect theme song for C.

Triggerwarnings for drug use, gore and mild swearing. Put a lyrics only version in the spoilers under it.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr4gkRdHUUI

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oif7sTI2ao

The same singer also made one that would fit Lupin pretty great:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_V4ZNq7MUE

AlphaDelta · May 18, 2023

WallFlower said:
I was looking for some trans themed music, and I found this which is just a perfect theme song for C.

Triggerwarnings for drug use, gore and mild swearing. Put a lyrics only version in the spoilers under it.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr4gkRdHUUI

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oif7sTI2ao

The same singer also made one that would fit Lupin pretty great:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_V4ZNq7MUE

The perfect song can't possibly exist.

View: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ucbx9we6EHk&t=0s

C really needs to listen to some まふまふ

WallFlower · May 18, 2023

AlphaDelta said:
The perfect song can't possibly exist.

View: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ucbx9we6EHk&t=0s

C really needs to listen to some まふまふ

Maybe not perfect, but can we get much closer to the current state of C than a song called "It's okay to envy" about an AMAB envying someone for being a girl.

(EDIT: thanks for the rec by the wayy, I will be checking out the rest of that artist later. )

RiceRockRekt · May 19, 2023

Ended up booked solid for what is now, hm, whole week after the update, fortuitous. So, I think what I'll do is checkmark all the posts that picked the insights I do in the intervening time after the reaction post's done, just for fun.

Shadell said:
Inessa paced anxiously in front of the school gates, one trembling hand clutching a small gift-wrapped package. We had agreed that, with February 14th being a half day, it'd be easiest for Inessa to make her move before school instead of hoping to catch Lupin during lunch or after classes let out.

We'd also agreed that it would be better if I was there for emotional support and Lupin bait, but far enough away that they could talk by themselves. So, I found myself waiting a few dozen feet from Inessa for a solid half hour in the cold and unpleasantly damp morning air. At least, Inessa's frenetic pacing was probably keeping her warm enough.

The many tragic sacrifices C makes for Inessa.

(Invidia in C's head: I bet she's using her fire powers to cheat, oh I am so jealous.)

Just fishing for wolves with C on a hook.

Shadell said:
Finally, as the trickle of other students passing us turned into a stream, Lupin appeared. As was becoming the norm, she looked around before waving to me and heading directly in my direction. This was supposed to be Inessa's cue, and yet, the heroine of justice opted to freeze in place instead. She had seen Lupin, there was no question of that. I watched Lupin approach with a silent wince.

"Come on Inessa," I whispered under my breath. "You've got this!"

Finally, Inessa stepped forward in front of the goth, late enough that she might have bowled the other girl over if Lupin hadn't hopped backwards out of Inessa's path at the last moment. Despite the distance, I could still see that Lupin was distinctly amused at the exchange.

Our Hero, everyone.

So rizzless.

Shadell said:
I could also see Inessa fumbling, turning the words we'd practiced yesterday evening into a series of incoherent noises going by her increasingly panicked gesticulations. Lupin nodded along, content to watch the morning's entertainment for however long Inessa's one woman show lasted.

"HERE!" Inessa shouted at last, startling a few other students as she shoved the box at Lupin. Finally, it was Lupin's turn to freeze. She surveyed the gift-wrapped package in what had to be mute confusion. .

"H-happy, umm, V-valentines…" I, and every student outside the school could clearly hear Inessa's voice as it gradually fizzled into awkward silence.

Lupin looked at the gift, then at Inessa, as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of the exchange. Then something clicked and she smiled brightly and took the box. I couldn't hear what she said to Inessa, as Lupin had not forgotten how to control the volume of her voice in a gay panic, but I could see Inessa all but melt in response.

Lupin took the box of chocolates and placed it firmly in her bag and then, a little awkwardly, ruffled Inessa's hair. I let out the breath I'd been holding. Inessa had done it. Now she and Lupin could start to get closer.

Then, as Inessa predictably froze, Lupin turned and bounced toward me heedless of Inessa's hurt look.

"That was neat! Anyway, how are you doing this morning C!" She looked me over appraisingly as if Inessa hadn't all but confessed to her.

Bro.

EVERYONE FAILED THIS SCENARIO.

Lupin looked at the gift, then at Inessa, as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of the exchange. Then something clicked and she smiled brightly and took the box.

I promise you not a single lightbulb switched on up there.

They really thought ey'd read paper thin subtext, the poor things.

Shadell said:
"I see, I see. You're coming along really nicely you know!"

"I, what?" I wanted to be irritated that Lupin had blown past Inessa's feelings so rapidly, but as usual, the goth girl mostly just left me befuddled.

Lupin demonstratively jabbed me in the chest.

"Oww!" I offered, rubbing the affected area. For some reason, it hurt far more than I would have anticipated.

"Yep, yep! Just as I thought. Coming along pretty nice indeed!" she said knowingly.

"What."

.

THE SIN SEED COMES WITH EVIL HRT???

What even.

That's.

Shadell said:
"What about me looks like a big sis?" I tried, irritably.

She tilted her head to the side, surveying me, then she spoke with the confidence of a judge rendering a final verdict, "Soft skin! Fluffy hair! Big round eyes!"

I frowned. My skin was hardly what I'd call soft. On the hair front: Okay, sure it had been a little while since my last haircut, and I'd been noticing that it was getting unruly, but I'd just been too busy.

"It's true," Ida's marginally less tired voice interrupted my thoughts.

I blinked. It was about time to wake her, if we wanted to dodge answering any strange questions with her mom. But, somehow, Ida had managed to rouse herself and sneak up on me.

"Whatever skincare routine you've been doing is working really well," she added, flopping down onto the couch, "and the haircut suits you."

"Tch," Temperance pouted with the reluctance of a thief who'd just found her mark well guarded.

"I, uh," I answered lamely. I had no idea what everyone was on about, "thanks I guess."

That's the explanation for this?

What the fuck.

What the fuck Avaritia do you even know C doesn't know.

I don't even. LITERAL FORCEFEM ARC.

Like I know this was already happening but this is a Fucking Layer Avaritia you are skipping SO MANY STEPS.

Shadell said:
"Anyway, you know what this means?" Lupin said, running directly past the fact that I very clearly had no clue what any of this meant.

Mutely, I shook my head, as much at our meticulously planned morning going off the rails as at Lupin's question. This was not how this was supposed to go. Inessa and Lupin were supposed to talk, and I was supposed to be here offering silent emotional support to Inessa. Instead, incomprehensibly, Lupin had ignored Inessa after all her work and turned her attention to me.

What's amazing is that Lupin actually had a solid emotion to what Inessa did, but ey didn't know that was like. An invitation for further interaction. So ey just blew past it thinking that was the end of it.

I bet eir only experience is anime where girls flock to give the Cool Student valentine chocolates and then swoon as they're ignored. I bet Lupin legitimately never considered this situation could go further.

Shadell said:
"It means we need to go on a shopping trip! A regular girls' day out and all of that!" Lupin said this triumphantly, as if any of this sequence of events made sense.

"Well… have fun I guess?" I tried not to let any bitterness creep into my voice. Lupin couldn't have known how much effort Inessa had invested into this little exchange.

Oh boy C is actually a little pissed.

Avaritia Wolf: [Kidnaps C and treats C like a shitty incel before suddenly going buddy buddy and shoving a demon seed through C's chest]
C: Well, I mean, at least ey weren't as bad as Temperance. [This is legitimately nearly the exact response through these past chapters]
Lupin Noir: [Doesn't ask Inessa out on a date for giving em valentine's day choco]
C: How dare?

This is obviously a reflection of C's Self of Steem, but it is really awww that Inessa's happiness means that much.

Shadell said:
"Aww, you joker! Nope, it means you need to skip school and come with me!" Lupin said, profoundly missing the hint.

Pitch black nails wrapped around my wrist with vice-like strength and Lupin started dragging me away.

"W-wait!" I planted my feet to try and resist the inexorable goth. "Y-you should try going with Inessa instead! I'm sure I'd be useless shopping and if you want a girls' day out, Inessa would be much better company."

Lupin had already hurt things with Inessa, I was sure of that. But if I could just reorient her, maybe the day would still turn out okay?

Lupin stopped, then turned to face me with a pout. "Oh come on!" she said. "I'm your friend, Inessa's nice and all, but, like, I want to spend time with you."

Behind Lupin, I could see Inessa's face distorting into a variety of increasingly tragic expressions as she stumbled toward us.

Look at this.

This indescribable. Thisness.

Lupin you keep dragging C around like this and it's gonna become a trauma response.

C: I can fix this! I can get my friend a date!
Lupin: Pfft, with who? Anyway, that can wait until after our date!
Inessa: [Weeping seal noises]

Legendary that the Saint of Chastity is going through a cockblock arc.

Shadell said:
"I really can't afford to miss school," I parried, trying and failing to pull my hand from Lupin's grip. This was supposed to be Inessa's role. Inessa was the one people liked, the one who'd been working up her courage for days to take that little step and talk to Lupin. Her efforts were supposed to be rewarded. That's what everyone wanted to see.

Lupin flashed me a smile, pearly white canines peeking out from beneath her purple lipstick, "Now now, your grades are fine! You haven't gotten attacked by monsters in weeks, so really you've gotta be way ahead as hard as you work."

She was right, though I'd had no clue she'd been paying attention enough to know that. At the same time, I liked being able to actually attend class and not have to do makeup studying while also nursing a sprained ankle or arm or a minor head injury.

Lupin. Lupin that's a very bad comment to make.

Lupin your dudes are the reason this was ever a problem.

Lupin you are literally setting up the moment C puts two and two together and realizes you enabled months of torment before you got what you wanted out of it.

Lupin.

Also really messy that C is having these "Oh it's Inessa that deserves this" thoughts like homie why do you have to make it a worthiness thing.

The way C's like well I like being in class is funny, and blatantly agonizing in context, but also funny.

Shadell said:
"I can't." I said stubbornly, silently apologizing to Inessa.

The smile fell from Lupin's face, and she let me go, looking a bit like she was the one being dragged somewhere against her will.

"Please?" she asked, the barest hint of a tremor in her voice. "I, uh, don't really have anyone to do this kind of thing with these days and my uncle's been in a mood lately and, of course we hang out, but it feels like it's always just a casual meeting at school and…. I was kind of hoping we could, umm…"

Oh no the wolf is soggy.

The way we've literally been talking about how they don't hang out and Lupin acknowledges that they don't hang out and it makes em sad.

Masterful.

"my uncle's been in a mood lately" oh and we kill him? We kill him before you drag C into a life of being subject to that too???

What I really like about Avaritia as a character is that ey're just fun and compassionate and I want things to be better for em as I throw rotten tomatoes because ey are fucking ruining it for other people too bro you are spider webbing someone you like into your shitty homelife get out of here get help get a job.

Shadell said:
That simply wasn't fair. I wondered how long Lupin had been working up the courage to ask this. It was hard to see beneath her veneer of confidence, but the way she said 'please' left me starting to suspect that her carefree attitude might mask as much trouble expressing herself as Inessa's ineloquent stammers.

C: I CAN INESSA CODE ANY GIRL IN NEED SO HELP ME!
Lupin: Not a girl, but thanks.
C: Oh I am so sorry wait.

C did straight up go "I Can See The Parallels" in real time:

"I really can't afford to miss school," I parried, trying and failing to pull my hand from Lupin's grip. This was supposed to be Inessa's role. Inessa was the one people liked, the one who'd been working up her courage for days to take that little step and talk to Lupin. Her efforts were supposed to be rewarded. That's what everyone wanted to see.

That simply wasn't fair. I wondered how long Lupin had been working up the courage to ask this. It was hard to see beneath her veneer of confidence, but the way she said 'please' left me starting to suspect that her carefree attitude might mask as much trouble expressing herself as Inessa's ineloquent stammers.

It's actually really telling to C's insight into people before the Self of Steem gets in the way, and of how Avaritia being immediately endearing despite the, all the everything of how they met probably majorly factors from C reading eir basic character as really similar to Inessa.

For all the Sin of Envy is laser targeted to her, C honestly just does have too much of a soft spot for Inessa and people like her, huh?

Shadell said:
"Y-you should go," Inessa said weakly. "Go and, umm, have fun!" her voice cracked; she was smiling, but I could see a tear dripping down the side of her face.

"I-is it really okay?" I asked her.

"Just go!" Inessa stomped her foot. "Don't worry about me!"

Lupin glanced between us, finally realizing just how much tension filled the air. "So…." her voice trailed off awkwardly.

I didn't know what to do. Today was supposed to be a bridge between Inessa and Lupin, a way for them to get closer, and sure, I'd have been pushed to the side a little, but I belonged in the background anyway. And yet, some tiny little bitter part of me was happy that Lupin had looked at Inessa and—for inscrutable reasons—opted for my company instead, that Lupin wanting to ask me to hang out somehow provoked a fraction of the anxiety Inessa felt approaching Lupin.

Inessa's day was already ruined. Would it actually help anything if I crushed Lupin's hopes as well? And Inessa had already given her permission. She didn't want me to blow Lupin off. I wanted to run away, but if that just ended up upsetting both Inessa and Lupin, it would be the worst outcome of all.

"Okay," I sighed. What was the worst that could happen?

I feel like the sentence Inessa started talking could've done with like, a transition to show her reentering conversation range first, but otherwise.

Damn bro C really did pick the worst of options here huh.

YOU COULD HAVE BROUGH INESSA ALOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

Man every time C references the Envy Button being fulfilled by people's misery it's like, oh boy, boy boy, red flag, but the thing is it wouldn't even actually be a problem if it weren't for the hanging sword of Evil Beast Sinner Life Of Suckitude, like, C's already kinda mean this way, it's fine to be moderately braggy and snide in your head, but C is so absolutely apart from any healthy way to grapple with these feelings it becomes a solid safety pin pulled every time.

Shadell said:
"No, anything but this," I edged away in horror from the creature advancing on me: a pair of twisted hooks in its hands, an even more twisted grin upon its lips. How had it gone so wrong, so fast?!

Buddy, this is what we call Karma in the business.

Shadell said:
At Lupin's insistence, I'd once again found myself in the mall alongside a Lupin who clearly knew her way around this crumbling piece of Americana.

As it was, the mall was mostly deserted at this time on a Wednesday morning (or, I snidely thought, basically at any time on any day). Lupin had dragged me down the largely empty concourse with a clear sense of purpose, marching us into a boutique. The words "Hot Topic" were emblazoned in black block letters against the white mall wall above the store's entrance.

HOT TOPIC REAL.

C once again mean to malls and America in the groupchat.

Such a bitter human being who could blossom into an even more bitter magical girl of kindness.

Shadell said:
I'd anticipated boredom—and a chance to think over my lingering guilt about Inessa's situation—while Lupin picked out some stuff for herself and pretended that my input would have mattered. It had definitely seemed like the kind of place she would shop, going by the amount of elaborate all black-clothing clothing and the frankly excessive amount of chains.

And that seemed to be exactly what she was doing when she'd marched to the jewelry and began foraging through bits and bobs. Occasionally, she'd held something up to me, an earring or a necklace, before returning it to the tray with a shake of her head. I hadn't thought to wonder why she was doing that until it was too late.

Finally she'd grabbed a purple apple necklace that promptly went in a pocket and a somewhat similar looking pair of green apple earrings.

I'd breathed a sigh of relief. Watching Lupin shop hadn't been boring per-say. The way she'd surveyed all these little cheap accessories with an expert's eye and then asked my input now and then like I was somehow involved in this whole process had felt oddly nice.

But, then she'd turned to me with that smile and said those horrid words. "I think these will suit you perfectly C!"

C if you ever knew how to read the fucking room.

Lupin: We have to match with evil apples it's our trademark.
C: Why would that be our trademark?
Lupin: Oh you know.
C: ...Are you an Apple shill?
Lupin: What the fuck how could you accuse me of that!
C: You said evil apples!
Lupin: I meant the good kind of evil apples!?!

I'd anticipated boredom—and a chance to think over my lingering guilt about Inessa's situation—while Lupin picked out some stuff for herself and pretended that my input would have mattered.

Watching Lupin shop hadn't been boring per-say. The way she'd surveyed all these little cheap accessories with an expert's eye and then asked my input now and then like I was somehow involved in this whole process had felt oddly nice.

Duality of the C.

Shadell said:
I'd shaken my head. I'd told her that, as a guy, obviously I had no use for them. She'd insisted that plenty of guys wore earrings and pointed to the cashier who, indeed, seemed to be a guy with enough metal in his ears to drastically elevate the local average.

I told her that my ears weren't pierced, she told me that that was an easily solved problem..

And, deprived of excuses, I'd resorted to denial and retreat. That had only served to stimulate some predatory instinct lurking in the dark corners of Lupin's brain. And that brought us to the present situation, with a monster advancing on me, her face carved into a sadistic grin.

This is actively embarrassing.

Lupin: You are like a little baby about gender, watch this. [Points to the metal head who's the only genuine source of testosterone in the room]

Shadell said:
I backed away, shaking my head, "No, anything but this!"

Lupin advanced, offering the earrings to me. "Come on, you know they'd look cute on you, a great match for your eyes!"

"My eyes are brown!" That at least gave me room for a logical rebuttal. Besides, nothing really looked cute on me.

"With cute little green flecks in them when the light hits right. It'll look great!" Wait, what? I had never noticed that.

Hm! Bad!

It is so actively uncomfortable that everything Lupin does is funny and earnest but it carries the backhand of how ey're subtly changing C without real consent or awareness and it's like. Bad. Very bad.

Shadell said:
"Look, you're saying everything," she grinned triumphantly, "Except that you don't want them. "Now, it'd break my poor little heart if you don't have something to match my new necklace; but, if it's not your thing, just say so."

I scanned the store for any escape. I thought I saw a flash of red out of the corner of my eye, but, upon glancing that way, the store was as empty as it had been the entire time.

"I don't wa…." I gazed into Lupin's pleading eyes and the protest died on my lips. "My dad would kill me," I said instead. That wasn't quite true, it wasn't like he'd ever actually hit me or anything.

"Oh," her eyes shifted toward the floor and her smile flickered. "Yeah, parents are like that, huh. Anyway!" She turned back to me. "You can hold on to them for now, and, eventually, you'll be able to wear them. You'll find a place where you can be you."

I thought of Lupin's uncle and how Avaritia, of all people, had seemed terrified of what he might do to em for my failure to become a monster. I really had no reason to complain when that's what Lupin was probably dealing with.

C! C LUPIN IS TRYING TO TAKE YOU TO THE SITUATION YOU SAW AVARITIA SUFFERING THROUGH BECAUSE EY THINK THAT'S OKAY! C!!!!!!

This is the most absolutely brutal irony of all this.

Lupin you are literally dragging people into a cult that is not the place C can be C.

...Oh my god C is putting together "Wow Lupin's uncle being Mr. Noir might mean ey's being treated exactly like Superbia treats Avaritia" and is not following that logic a single step further.

...

What if C tries to get the Angelic Saints to rescue Lupin from Noir.

This is an actually unhinged thought to have what.

I'm like. No of course not. But. Unless.

Shadell said:
"Sure," I managed, wondering at the strange idea of me owning earrings. It wasn't that wild. I realized that the years when a boy with pierced ears was shocking and controversial had long passed. Even so, it felt illicit.

Immediately Lupin brightened and wrapped me in a hug, "Now that's the reaction I was hoping for bestie!"

I'm uh. Not sure this is actually the reaction you were hoping for.

I mean the weird illicit vibe this puritan is getting probably is what you want, but it comes with a healthy dose of "Man Lupin is going through some bad stuff I should be nice."

Shadell said:
Somehow, Avaritia being enthusiastically supportive was far eerier and more threatening than her murderous rage. "Besides," she continued, heedless of my deer in the headlights look, "even if you try to resist, I'm a greedy greedy wolf and that means I take the things I want! And I want you to be my partner and figure yourself out and stop with the whole self-loathing thing and just relax and start indulging in all the cute stuff you've never been allowed to have. And once you're sorted we can show those pesky Saints that actually I'm doing great and I am not at all in the wrong here! Besides, our team is the best; you'll agree once you get it."

Lupin very much wants people to think everything is perfectly fine for em.

Shadell said:
She pocketed the earrings with the necklace and hopped over toward a display of belts.

"See any you like?" she asked as if anything in this store was something someone like me could pull off.

"They're kinda… a lot," I said, staring at a belt covered with studs and skulls and dangling chains.

"Well, obviously!" Lupin picked up one with a wolf's head buckle, examining it critically, "that's the whole point! It's armor, a way of showing the world that no one gets to stop you from going over the top or being too much, that you're not afraid of what they'll do to you anymore and that you can build an identity for yourself no matter how corny or cheap or commercial and they can't do anything to bring you down."

Lupin picked up a long belt covered with spikes, "This is not a $19.95 faux leather belt! No, it is a declaration of freedom, even if being free means indulging in terrible taste and bad cliches and spending money you shouldn't on all sorts of silly things!"

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that. Lupin was fascinating in the way she managed to go from bubbly goth to demagogue from one moment to the next. On some level this was ridiculous. On another, there was a desperate passion driving her every word, as if she needed to be heard and understood.

Avaritia is fascinating in the 'wow you are making a whole philosophy out of this coping mechanism' way.

Like a youth pastor to the altar of sin hang on.

Youth Pastor.
Oh man. Ohhhhhhh man.

This puts. MANY things in sharper relief.

Shadell said:
"That sounds pretty impressive when you put it like that." I had to give her that, however absurd the contents of her speech.

She nodded, "You should try finding your own armor." She stopped, "Umm, unless your dad would be a problem there."

"He is," I said, bitterly.

"Ah, then I'll store the dress for you."

That would probably have induced some kind of panic, had not Temperance been going out of her way to desensitize me to the fact that sometimes people in real life just wanted to force-femme you for incomprehensible reasons.

Bro it's because you literally don't say no you avoid directly saying no in the most suspicious ways.

Lupin getting in sync with the fact "Oh hm C's dad is a Boundary" is sweet, though, again, a little bit horrible undercut by how ey think Noir's fucked up void castle is gonna be more hospitable.

For real the fact this rings Temperance shaped bells means there's still hope for C out there.

Shadell said:
"Is that what's going on? This is some new ploy from Temperance?" I might have been a little bitter at the thought that Lupin would brush Inessa's feelings aside just because she'd had a plan to jump in on the 'Make Fun of Charlie Brigade'.

"No," Lupin blushed, as the word came out a bit sharper than she seemed to have intended. "She's not really on speaking terms with me these days."

"Oh, umm, sorry…" And, great, obviously they weren't conspiring, I'd never even seen them together in the first place.

Lupin returned to the belts, "I'm too greedy to stop her if taking the wrong path helps her work through some things. And she looks a lot happier now, so it's probably working out for her." Lupin's voice was too carefully magnanimous to be as okay as she claimed to be. There was something there that had yet to scab over and I wondered what the story was. No matter what, finding out that someone you were close to—Mom's face flashed through my mind—felt better off without you specifically in their lives… That had to hurt.

"But," Lupin sneered, "They should know that I'm greedy enough to take her back the moment that she finds out exactly where that road leads. Besides, I've got the most adorable new partner now, so there's no need to mope!" she winked at me meaningfully then dropped the belt back into the display and moved to examine a shelf full of skirts.

HARD COPIUM LUPIN. HAAAAAAAARD COPIUM.

Oh so ey know Temperance was Gula...

...

Ey know Temperance was Gula.

.
.
.

Oh this is straight up bad.

Shadell said:
"I can't think of any big questions, but, umm, like, did you notice anything about the new Beast? Or have you noticed any aftereffects from whatever they've done to you?"

I thought of my dream. The details didn't match. It had to be a coincidence. Even if I told them, it would only hurt more, and it wouldn't matter.

"I've been a bit sore all over," I admitted, "But that's about it."

Inessa and Ida, at least, seemed relieved at that. Michael did not respond visibly and Temperance looked unusually pensive. Perhaps she felt guilty about asking the question on my behalf.

Temperance what the fuck do you know.

"I'm too greedy to stop her if taking the wrong path helps her work through some things. And she looks a lot happier now, so it's probably working out for her" "They should know that I'm greedy enough to take her back the moment that she finds out exactly where that road leads" HARRRRRRRRRD MALDING LUPIN, YOU ARE SO IN THE RIGHT PLACE EMOTIONALLY AND IN PRINCIPLE TOO.

Lupin: If I kidnap another cute girl I can totally get over the last cute girl leaving me and she's probably come back anyway I'm so smart.
C: I think, maybe you should edit that statement? Trade in the third word for something else, chop off everything after and?
Lupin: Not now cute girl number 2.

Shadell said:
I found myself picturing Lupin and Temperance together. Something about that felt familiar and I couldn't help but wonder if Lupin and Temperance had been an item. As far as I knew, Lupin had only started school this year, so it wasn't impossible she'd known Temperance before the latter transferred in. I had no clue what mistaken path Lupin would think the Saint of Temperance was taking, but I had no business asking really.

Oh the way C's brain is scraping against the masquerade like you can hear nails on a chalkboard.

C I think it would solve many problems if you asked why Lupin thought the Saint of Temperance was making a mistake.

Shadell said:
"That doesn't seem very greedy," I fired back instead.

"Of course it is! It's the greediest thing of all!" There was an undercurrent of zeal in her voice, "To steal a little happiness for yours, even if it means they get to make mistakes and do the wrong thing, that's greedy. Otherwise, why'd everyone care so much about making sure you only get to be happy if you can do it while you look and act 'right.'"

"That," I shrugged, "still sounds more like being nice?"

"I contain multitudes; I am both nice and greedy! It's the best combination you know! I get to be nice to those I like and I don't have to put up with anyone else."

Hm yeah I keep coming back to this Lupin talks like someone in a cult because ey are.

Like Lupin there is something legitimate about where you're coming from but you say that after you talk about your boss like this:

Shadell said:
"But, like, let's take a step back." she said, "I'm Avaritia Wolf, any pronouns."

"Oh no!" I flailed, "Everyone's been misgendering them? Him? Uh, You, right that's how it works. It's still 'you' when I'm talking to you and, umm, sorry!"

They laughed and patted me on the head, "No worries. I said any so I mean any and that means she is fine. I mean, honestly, I've been liking the idea of trying out Spivak a lot lately" I had no clue what that word meant, "But, well, Superbia's himself and you gotta be careful how you talk to him. And coming out as an enbie would be hard while, you know, just saying that 'oooh, look at me I am soooo greedy. I have to have alllllll the pronouns all to myself, how strange the nature of sin' is pretty easy, and he will absolutely roll with basically anything you justify like that."

"That's awful," I winced, wondering what it would be like to be unable to tell your closest companions who you really were. If Gula was gone (I wasn't going to think about what that might mean just now) I could see why Avaritia craved a friend so badly. Her only remaining companionship was a superior who bossed her around and yelled at him all the time and didn't even accept them for themself.

"Nah, it works out in the end, he's totally chill with basically anything you can justify under feeding your sin. Like, with you, when you turn into a girl, we'll just lie and say you were so overcome by the inertia to fit in that you turned into one of them as completely as possible, and need to use she/her pronouns to affirm your sin or something. He'll get confused and have a boomer moment and then shrug and go along with it."

Yeah totally you're definitely in a situation where you don't only get to be happy if you look and act "wrong."

"I only care about the people I like and no one else" is just a great moral code to follow, never ever gonna be a point where someone you like doesn't want people attacked by monsters made out of people, you'll never hit this wall and be forced to contemplate that your actions indirectly harm people you care about or are interested in.

Shadell said:
"Seriously though Charlie. I just wanted to check in? I'm sorry about how you seem to keep getting caught up in the middle of all of this stuff going on. It's really not fair to you."

I shrugged, "The Saints seem to get caught up in a lot more than me, and besides, it's not like it's your fault I seem to be natural monster bait."

"Right, obviously it's absolutely not my fault at all!"

With that strangely guilty rejoinder, Lupin practically dashed into her uncle's office.

Never.

Shadell said:
"And yet," I sighed dramatically, "you're joining Temperance in trying to force me into a skirt club."

"Mmmh hmm, because I want you happy," she ran her hand through the fabric of a skirt before frowning and shaking her head. "And some people are only happy when they get a little push."

She abandoned the skirts in favor of advancing on me, carelessly intruding into my personal space until she was only inches from me. One hand traced its way across my jaw.

"That's you isn't it? You complain and you snark and apologize and deep down you like it when you get pushed like this. You need to be forced to be the center of attention, to get fussed over, at least, fussed over the right way. And you're so close to letting yourself realize everything you're missing. Obviously a greedy greedy girl would want to give you a little shove to get you to the finish line."

"I, umm, that's.." I failed to find a word. Was she flirting with me? That would make no sense, why would someone as beautiful and cool as Lupin flirt with someone like me? Besides, she had just suggested she was gay. Of course she could be into both guys and girls. But if she was, Inessa had made her feelings perfectly clear and I obviously couldn't compete with Inessa.

I gulped, and Lupin slid closer still, till we were practically nose to nose. Her eyes looked up to mine, and yet, somehow it felt like she was looking down at me instead. Literal resinners had left me feeling less like prey than Lupin in that moment.

This is.

I've never been able to tell if a story has been pushing a ship more or less than this moment.

Her eyes looked up to mine, and yet, somehow it felt like she was looking down at me instead.

This phrasing.

C feels looked down on.

Hmmmm.

Whatever the case, definitely not a. Great relationship to happen, since it feeds on both C and Lupin's central flaws, that C doesn't want to take responsibility for changing or being the person C wants to be, and Lupin keeps shoving people around to be what ey think would make them happier to be instead of actually listening and waiting for them to take a choice on their own accord.

Shadell said:
I broke eye-contact first, searching for something, anything, to break the strange stalemate I found myself in. I found it in Inessa's surprised face, staring at me in horror from behind a comically large pair of sunglasses and a fedora she'd clearly pulled from a nearby rack.

Inessa I'm sorry your Soap Opera NTR Moment is very funny, but you're like a Pikachu to me.

Shadell said:
"I should wait outside," I stepped away from Lupin and dashed toward the door, trying not to be sick.

Obviously I was being an idiot. There was no way Lupin, or anyone, would be interested in me. Besides, she was almost certainly gay or bi, and if she was, Inessa was, quite literally it seemed, right there.

The stale air of the mall, and the vista of abandoned storefronts proved just the thing to calm me down. I was being ridiculous, Lupin was just touchy-feely. She almost certainly didn't even see me as a boy versus just another friend. And like, would I really want her to? Inessa had been crushing on her forever. I couldn't betray her like that, even if there was nothing there after months of quiet sighs and…

C why can you only come up with "I'm not good enough" and "Compared to Inessa..." for any of your reasoning here. Why is your envy just a big black hole consuming every other counterpoint that could possibly matter.

Avaritia why the fuck do you think feeding this acid pit of jealousy would make anyone any happier.

I mean I know. I know. But it is. Awful.

...Wait where's Inessa.

Did C think that was a hallucination.

I couldn't betray her like that, even if there was nothing there after months of quiet sighs and…

Bro why would you say that she literally just struck out on your advice does the Bro Code mean nothing to you???

...

C does the Sis Code mean nothing to you???

Shadell said:
"Here," Lupin's voice was more embarrassed than anything else as she handed me the earrings and a strip of dark green ribbon, "An apology gift for before, no refusals."

"You don't have to apologize, and what even is this anyway?"

"A choker! I believe you're legally required to have at least one." I had no clue what Lupin meant, but she shoved it into my hands and stepped past me before I could object.

"Anyway, beyond finally getting to come here with a friend I don't really have much of an agenda today. Should we check out another store? Hit up the food court?" Her voice was hurried, with an awkward pitch to it.

"Food court sounds fine," I offered just as unnaturally, wrapping the earrings in the ribbon and placing both in my pocket.

Oh Lupin is catching feelings because ey have absolutely no standards outside 'cute girl I can tempt into the dark side???'

Lupin. Lupin you're forgetting that you have to hang onto this stuff so C's dad doesn't find it on C.

Lupin that was your only success in reading the room.

Shadell said:
So we made our way to the food court and acquired horrific imitation Chinese food. Sadly, the awkward atmosphere prevented us from commiserating over the cultural crimes pretending to be lo mein.

Look at this sarcastic motherfucker. An actual riot.

Shadell said:
"See!" Lupin said eventually, unable to endure the silence. "This is what I mean when I say I'm greedy! I don't go slow when I should. Anyway, let's just forget that happened."

"I—" what did she think had happened? Lupin had been friendly and I'd run away in a panic, "Look, you were fine, I just," misread things and had seen Inessa and been terrified that things would compound and the person I loved most in the world would think I'd betrayed her. None of that had been Lupin's fault, not really. "It was getting a little stuffy in there and I, umm, sorry."

She shook her head, "You did nothing wrong! I was being pushy; you're allowed to get overstimulated or want some air or some space to sort yourself out. It's important to remember not to let anyone, even me, push you too much and…" she trailed off again. "Let's just forget it and pretend it never happened?"

"What never happened?" I asked uncertainly.

"Exactly!" Lupin reiterated.

"Okay…."

[Waves hands upwards]

If only this could be cute like it should be instead of. Messed up.

Lupin: You wanna be a good girl don't you?
Lupin a minute later: Oh god what am I doing being this pushy is how I lost Gula I'm a buffoon.

The way Lupin's moral compass just does not fucking work with eir day job.

Shadell said:
She beamed at me. "I really like it here, you know," she said, grabbing the topic by the horns and forcing it to change.

I made an appropriately curious noise to indicate my acceptance of the escape from mutual awkwardness. I needn't have bothered; Lupin needed no assistance to build momentum.

"It's, like, this is where teenagers go to spend money they shouldn't on junk we don't need. It's frivolous! It's fun! It's hip! And, like," she hesitated, "For the longest time, even after we'd decided to come here, my uncle didn't really want us going out. But, we got to watch your TV and see everything through that little box and wonder what it was like."

Oh this is literally an undersocialized dog who was raised by television.

"It's hip!" Lupin I'm so sorry the actual teenager you're hanging out with thinks malls are cringe.

Shadell said:
She took a bite of noodles, seeming to savor the thoroughly unappetizing pseudo-meat. "And now I get to actually come to one of these and it's better than I imagined. Okay it's dying, I get that, but it's still here and it still means something and if anything being halfway dead just makes it shine even more and getting to be here with a friend…" She blushed. Lupin, who I was fairly certain didn't understand the concept of embarrassment, blushed. "I've never really gotten to do anything like this."

A part of me ached to tell Lupin that it hadn't been hip to hang out in the mall for at least a decade. But I could hardly do it after that speech.

Yet another Goth GF is just a nerd who doesn't get out much...

(Also enby, but that's trendy these days)

For real now this chapter has been a big character statement for Lupin and it is. Literally so pathetic it rolls back to fantastic.

Shadell said:
"What was your childhood like?" I asked instead. I couldn't place a lot of what she said into any semblance of a normal life, but enough sounded alarming, even beyond the fact that her uncle was evil, that I found myself worrying for Lupin.

"It sucked and I hated it." Lupin responded cheerfully. "They did everything they could to try and make us into 'virtuous children', no matter what would have broken along the way."

I winced at that. "I'd say 'I'm sorry,' but that wouldn't cover it, would it?"

She shook her head. "No, but we got away, in the end. I mean," she laughed, "I'm pretty flexible, you know. I could have bent myself up enough to fit in without breaking. But we didn't and now things are better and someday we'll get to go back and force them to see that they're wrong and then there won't be any more kids like us!"

. Hm.

Shadell said:
Temperance thought that over for a moment, then shook her head furiously, "Nope! My partner said I can just decide for anyone to be a girl if I want to, so you're a girl."

"Y-your partner!?" H-had Temperance been that precocious?

She nodded, "My co-cons, co-con…" she struggled with the word, "Cocoon spirit bird!"

I managed to parse that more or less, if not as quickly as desired. "Your co-conspirator?"

"Right! My cocoon spirit bird! She always helps me with things and we do everything together and are going to change things someday! She said I, or anyone can be a girl if I want to, no matter what the adults say!"

...Okay I assumed this was just Temperance accidentally pulling something from the future into her childhood memories, but this.

This has more weight now.

What the FUCK is going on here.

...You know I've been wondering to myself where Superbia Noir's goals actually come from, but there is. Very clearly another angle to this war over the First Tree than we assumed.

It can't be Michael's doing, because she is way too permissive and exacting about people joining when they're ready instead of being slotted in and expected to fit, but, where do the Angelic Saints' powers come from? What's the actual counterpart to the Abyssal Forest? Is...

...

...Is it actually Temperance herself who came up with the name Temperance Atwater?

She shook her head. "No, but we got away, in the end. I mean," she laughed, "I'm pretty flexible, you know. I could have bent myself up enough to fit in without breaking. But we didn't and now things are better and someday we'll get to go back and force them to see that they're wrong and then there won't be any more kids like us!"

Can't end this segment without going 'ohhhhhhh you DEFINITELY can bend yourself to fit into anywhere, which isn't what you're doing now, greed girl who isn't a girl but won't say it to your boss.'

...

Shadell said:
"Maybe you can't explain how you could have it, so you think about it, but you can't bring yourself to admit you want what you want and legitimize yourself and I could just tell you but then you'd just growl and resist and bite me and then go all guilty and be all 'woe is me' for a month and shut down and refuse to think about anything. Gula did that back in the day before we got her sorted out! Anyway, that's what the seed will help with! It'll feed on your sins, those nasty dark longings you can't deal with and then it'll use that power to give you what you need even if you're still scared to want it!"

If Lupin and Temperance came from the same place, then what was the timeline of Avaritia forcing Gluttony on Gula?

This is bringing so many data points together and scattering them across the conspiracy board simultaneously.

Shadell said:
"A problem I frequently see with 'well-behaved' boys your age," he said paternalistically, "is that they don't want to admit their own needs. Oh, they try to be 'good,' and the world rewards them for being nice little diligent drones."

"And that's bad?" I asked, worriedly.

"Oh yes," his smile showed his teeth, "hiding your darker emotions helps no one in the end. You can run from adolescent desire as long as you want, run until you can't even remember what you're running from if you want. But the primal need will catch you and it will be all the more empowered for your attempts to confine it. Boys should be boys."

I hesitated. I wanted to ignore him, to say that was nonsense. And yet, on top of everything that had happened in the past few months, beyond mom and the monsters and dad, he wasn't wrong. There was a hollowness in me I couldn't quite name.

"I can see it in your eyes. You know I'm right. You know that your desires are there, boiling beneath the surface and that nothing will make them go away beyond embracing them."

Shadell said:
"Your problem," Mr. Noir said with a cloying condescension, "is that you try to restrain yourself too much. You're a growing boy, it's only right to have desires, to want things."

My Monday morning session with Mr. Noir was not going well. Life had taught me that you had to control your desires, to be a good person. You had to restrain yourself from wanting things you weren't allowed to want, or at least to stop that from becoming anyone's problem if you couldn't want the right things in the first place.

"Boys have needs! When you're young, you need to indulge! Turn your back on the world of light that demands you restrain yourself to match everyone else's level, to be merely normal. These magical girls are beautiful and charming. It's perfectly normal to want them; healthy even."

This is even explaining something about Noir in a really. Weird way.

World of Light...

Shadell said:
A noise I couldn't quite identify made its way out of my lips. Lupin's childhood was unimaginable to me, and I had no idea who she meant by 'us'. But I knew what it was like to be pushed to become an ideal you're entirely unqualified to match.

And yet, I couldn't imagine having the feeling of purpose that came through in Lupin's words, the weight she placed on her values and the way she could dedicate herself to a cause. I wondered what it would feel like to believe so much in something.

EVEN THIS MAKES THE ENVY REAR UP ITS FANGS.

Dude I don't think our homie is doing good.

Shadell said:
"Anyway," Lupin swerved the conversation back to the trivial as easily as she breathed. "Anything else you want to do today while we're here?"

"Do they have a bookshop?" I asked, glad for an escape from the weight of Lupin's ideals.

"A tiny one, but they do have some things if you want to head that way," So spake Lupin: Mall Expert.

Lupin Blart: Mall Goth.

Believing in things is scary, huh C?

Shadell said:
So we dumped our trays at the nearest garbage can and made our way down the mall concourse until we reached a small nook full of shelves that were stretched higher than I could reach. I studiously pretended not to notice the redhead shadowing our steps. I had no idea what to say to her or how she was doing, but pointing out that I knew she was there could only hurt and there'd be time to check in with Inessa later.

And, to be honest, it was hard to remember to worry about that sitting on the carpet of the romance section, surrounded by the scent of paperbacks, pretending the bookstore was a library as I alternated reading and failing to explain the appeal of the genre to a curious Lupin.

It was a good day. Well, until the Resinner attacked.

This meme is eternal.

Inessa honey you could have just said you wanted to hang out...

C is not gonna win the Bro/Sis Code Awards though.

Shadell said:
We didn't see it at first. But, after the third time, you don't really need to see it to recognize the signs. Someone screamed in the distance, soon joined by others with a bestial voice calling out louder than any of them. Footsteps added a frantic percussion to things as panic sent the mall's denizens scurrying for safety and showed just how many people could manage to be in a nearly empty mall. More than any of that, the air carried a charge. It was hard to describe, but there was a static charge in the air whenever a monster was near, like the world itself was reacting to their presence.

Besides, we were out in public and Inessa was nearby. It had been inevitable. So few days had ended as nicely as they'd begun since Inessa became Castitas.

Hahahahahahaha, ahhhhhh, oof.

They really don't huh.

Okay this is some really fucking ambience for the first imminent Resinner entrance we've been in C's cognizant mind for, a super heavymetal moment.

Shadell said:
I saw Inessa poke her head out from behind a shelf and look around nervously, no doubt worrying that Lupin might see her transform. At least, no one else had stuck around the bookshop but the three of us. That meant the problem was easily fixed. I rose to my feet and began dragging Lupin toward the only exit via a path about as directly away from Inessa as I could manage. The sooner she transformed, the sooner the monster's attention left the bystanders, the sooner this could be behind us and we could get back to whatever was left of the day.

"We should make a run for it," I offered, poking my head through the open book store doors and trying to ignore the rising feelings of panic in my chest.

Lupin shrugged, "If you say so."

Yeah that whole. Fuck you got mine energy. Really wafting off Lupin.

...Who made this Resinner? And when?

Shadell said:
In the distance, I could see the monster. Its body was a billowy patchwork cloak covering what seemed to be a mass of jangling chains and hooks. I couldn't read anything on the various patches, but it wasn't hard to guess they represented some kind of branding exercise gone mad.

Wait, did Lupin set off the Hot Topic guy like a bomb???

Shadell said:
"I should wait outside," I stepped away from Lupin and dashed toward the door, trying not to be sick.

Obviously I was being an idiot. There was no way Lupin, or anyone, would be interested in me. Besides, she was almost certainly gay or bi, and if she was, Inessa was, quite literally it seemed, right there.

The stale air of the mall, and the vista of abandoned storefronts proved just the thing to calm me down. I was being ridiculous, Lupin was just touchy-feely. She almost certainly didn't even see me as a boy versus just another friend. And like, would I really want her to? Inessa had been crushing on her forever. I couldn't betray her like that, even if there was nothing there after months of quiet sighs and…

"Here," Lupin's voice was more embarrassed than anything else as she handed me the earrings and a strip of dark green ribbon, "An apology gift for before, no refusals."

Oh my god I bet ey did it right when C was out of the way as an embarrassment reaction AND to avoid paying for the apparel!

Shadell said:
Seeing as the monster wasn't near enough to grab us, Lupin and I joined the scattered mall-goers in a retreat. I counted the seconds in my head, waiting to hear the sound of our salvation.

"Castitas! Flare! BARRAGE!!!" Inessa shouted, launching right into her biggest attack, before following it up with her standard, "Cleansing evil with the flames of purity…" The heat behind us served as a warm confirmation that everything would be okay in the end.

You can always trust Inessa to clean up the little evils you left behind C!

That can be read multiple ways.

Shadell said:
I didn't hear any of the others, but I'd hardly help anyone by being useless and getting in the way. Instead, I focused on staying together with Lupin as we dashed through the mall.

Someone close to us cried out, and I thought for a moment they'd somehow been hit by a stray attack of one sort or another. That wasn't the case. The noise came from a child of perhaps seven or eight, all bundled up in heavy winter clothes. A glance around at the absence of anyone helping confirmed they'd gotten separated from their parents in the attack and finally fallen and screamed in panic.

Lupin gave me a silent nod, and we moved toward the kid.

Gently, I knelt next to them, helping them to their feet as I offered my best comforting noises and tried to pull them along with us. He—he seemed to be a he—was too panicked to cooperate, almost swiping me as I approached.

"Try to calm down and don't hurt yourself. It'll be okay," my voice cracked, "Just let us help and we'll find your parents, okay?"

For a moment we made eye contact. His cries petered out. Then Lupin's arms came from behind and lifted the boy up into a princess carry. A second later she was moving ahead, easily sprinting despite her burden resuming its attempts at flailing.

"Very sweet, C, but help now, talk later!" she called back to me.

Lupin: I can definitely justify widespread havoc if I just help everyone who looks neat caught in the middle of it!

C gets the kid to calm down with time and compassion and Lupin bulldozes in to help faster even when it causes distress...

Shadell said:
We rounded a corner and dashed through the maze-like floor of a Nordstrom's, made all the more challenging by displays that had been shoved around in the panic. But the monster was on the other side of the mall, and neither of us could hear the battle getting any closer as we finally burst free into the February air and a milling horde of mall escapees.

That, at least, seemed to help the kid calm down.

I panted, a little annoyed at the way that Lupin hardly seemed to be breathing hard despite having run most of the way with an uncooperative pre-schooler in her arms. Well, obviously, between us, Lupin would be the one who actually managed to help instead of standing around doing nothing but talking like an idiot.

THE WAY YOU WERE HELPING MATTERED GODDAMN IT. BEDSIDE MANNER IS IMPORTANT.

Shadell said:
I shook my head admiringly, and helped Lupin get the child on his feet, kneeling next to him to make eye contact at his level.

"You're okay. We're all safe out here, okay? The monster can't get us."

He trembled, staring back and forth between Lupin and me.

"What's your name?" I asked as gently as I could.

Gradually he stopped crying. He wiped away his tears with one sleeve before quietly mumbling an answer.

"Okay Jim, can you be a big strong boy for me and tell me if your mommy or your daddy was here with you today?" I tried to sound calmer than I felt.

Lupin groaned audibly from behind me. I did my best to tune her out.

Lupin: C if you could stop being so heteronormative that would be GREAT just GREAT.
C: By, assuming he had a mom or dad?
Lupin: You don't even realize you're spreading toxic masculinity. Embarrassing.

Shadell said:
"Dad…" he said at length, still fighting back tears.

"Right, well you need to be a big strong boy for your dad, okay! What does he look like?" Slowly I plied the boy for answers.

"I'm going to check inside the mall," Lupin said after she'd heard enough. She was buzzing with a strange impatience. "His dad might be stuck back there looking for him. You stay here with him."

I wanted to tell her not to, that I'd go, but she'd proven the more athletic between us, platform boots and all.

"Just be careful okay? It'd suck if the day had to end in the hospital."

She grinned, "Don't worry, we both know I'll be fine! We'll finish soon and get back to having fun!"

With a meaningful wink that predictably sailed right over my head, Lupin dashed back into the mall.

You uh. Really did just go in to start a fight fresh off saving a kid your actions put through the wringer huh.

One of a kind Avaritia, one of a kind.

I. Really cannot for the life of me tell if Lupin has any idea that C isn't a self-aware Beast yet.

Shadell said:
I spent a little time looking outside, shouting for Jim's dad before, finally, a panicked man, tears streaming down his face, came out of Macy's. Wordlessly, he ran for Jim, pulling the relieved boy into a deep hug.

Lupin wasn't with him.

"Did a girl find you and tell you Jim was out here?" I interrupted his exhausted attempts at thanks as soon as I could. Honestly, I was almost surprised he cared given that he'd lost his son in the first place and made Lupin run back toward danger to find him.

C. What.

Homie just does not respect guys if they're not like. Immediately visibly Inessa's dad in quality.

Shadell said:
It took him a few moments to process things, the horror of what had nearly happened, to answer, "Y-yes, she said she was going to look for anyone else who'd gotten lost or stuck inside."

A traitorous little part of me wanted to wait. No one really died in these attacks, and, while they destroyed a lot of property, most of the damage ended up coming up from the human stampedes they could cause. That was mostly over, so Lupin would be safe and I could just wait things out instead of getting pulled into another fight on my own. Besides, if I caught up with her, it felt a lot more likely than not that I'd end up captured again and wouldn't that just put her in more danger?

But, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I did nothing, and Lupin—the chaotic lonely girl who insisted that being nice was the greediest thing she could be—got hurt.

C you are such a caring so and so.

And no one really dies in these attacks, hm, hmmm.

Shadell said:
For want of a better option, I made my way toward where the fight had been. If Lupin wasn't there, she was probably safe, and if she was caught up in things, I needed to hurry, as useless as I'd probably be.

I let out the breath I'd been holding and slowed to a walk as I neared the place where the fight had been. Castitas was standing there, unharmed of course, along with the unconscious form of a familiar Hot Topic clerk. Lupin stood, a few doors down, silently facing Castitas. I couldn't see Lupin's face, but Inessa's brow was furrowed. I guess, even empowered magically, Inessa could hardly deal with Lupin, especially after all she'd been up to today.

Oh.

So we reached this point.

AND YOU REALLY DID THAT TO THE HOT TOPIC CLERK LUPIN. YOU BETRAYED HOT TOPIC. GIVE UP YOUR MALL GOTH LISCENCE NOW.

Shadell said:
Inessa's eyes widened as she saw me. In reaction, Lupin spun and waved cheerfully, "Hiya C!" She wasted no time in bouncing toward me.

And Inessa did something utterly incomprehensible. Slowly, mournfully, she lifted her bow and raised it at us.

"Get away from em!" She shouted, as angry as I'd ever seen her.

Oh you really did push the C Button again Avaritia.

Shadell said:
"W-what, sorry, I—" I froze. I couldn't understand. All I could feel was a terrible, sinking sensation.

Fire coalesced around the drawn bow, an arrow aimed straight for me. How had it come to this? Was Inessa mind-controlled again?

"C!" Inessa shouted urgently, "You have to run!"

Lupin bounded to me, impossibly fast, slipping behind me with preternatural grace. "Don't worry, be a good girl and get out of this without any lasting problems," she whispered kindly, even as her fingers pressed into my neck.

Then she raised her voice and shouted, her tone familiarly mocking in a way that sent shivers down my spine, "Now now, no arrows today, Inessa."

And you know who she is because C shouted her name the moment you two went through the portal.

Shadell said:
"What are you doing Lupin, Castitas?! This isn't the time for jokes," I wanted to laugh it off, to go back to the way things were this morning and pretend that Inessa had gone with Lupin and none of this was real.

"Ey's Avaritia Wolf!" Castitas denied me that.

I froze, "Just because they're both 'greedy' goths who…" I trailed off as once again the perception filter broke and I could suddenly put together how blindingly obvious that was.

"Oh," I said, without a clue how to process this.

A dark light pulsed at my— or rather Lupin's— feet before surrounding the both of us. When it cleared, I was unchanged, but the fingers around my neck had been replaced by familiar claws.

"Right! Not a step closer, or your little friend gets it."

Begrudgingly, Castitas lowered her bow, Avaritia took a moment to whisper once more in my ear, "Great, just keep playing along and you'll be fine."

I wanted to do something. I didn't know Lupin half as well as I knew Temperance or Ida, much less Inessa, but I was finally starting to like em as a person and now ey was the person who'd held me captive, who'd kidnapped me, who'd tried to turn me into a monster. Ey owed me an explanation.

And so everyone is in on the picture!

Except the other picture Avaritia thinks ey and C are in on!

Awful.

Shadell said:
"I don't want to fight, just… don't hurt C," Inessa, on the other hand, had been crushing on Lupin forever. Lupin, obviously, had no way of knowing that, but I couldn't imagine how hurt Inessa must have felt.

"For real? Rad!" Without waiting for confirmation, Avaritia shoved me to the side.

I stumbled awkwardly, failing to catch my balance and fell to my knees, clearing the stage for the people who actually mattered.

INESSA'S HEART IS BREAKING BECAUSE YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO HER AND THE PERSON SHE HAS A CRUSH ON IS HURTING YOU WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T ACTUALLY MATTER!?

Avaritia you are playing games you are PLAYING GAMES.

Shadell said:
"Why are you doing this?" Castitas asked simply, still pointing her bow at the ground.

Avaritia shrugged, "I'm sure she could tell you."

I had no clue who "she" was, perhaps Michael. Castitas didn't seem surprised at the mention.

Angelic Saint Castitas shook her head, "I mean, I want to hear it from you. Why are you doing this?"

Avaritia's smile brightened, "I guess, what it comes down to, is that I'm a greedy greedy wolf and that I'd rather have a world that's okay with that, than one that'll condemn me for existing."

Oh, ey really think a better world will come about from making the First Tree turn to Sin, huh.

...Was that group in eir backstory trying to turn it to Virtue?

Shadell said:
Castitas winced, "Look, we can help you! We know you're not bad deep down! But this isn't making things better, it just hurts people! You could have hurt so many people today. You could have hurt C, like, a dozen times over!"

"Thanks Castitas," I added sarcastically. Avaritia turned her smirk on me for a half a second, but Castitas gave no response to the undeserved snip.

"Everyone hurts people," Avaritia's answer took a while, and eir tone was surprisingly serious, "Parents hurt their children to make them act 'right'. Corporations deny people life saving medicine for no reason and that's just 'normal'. But when a person does something right in front of you and you can't avert your eyes fast enough, suddenly that makes them the devil, even if it helps in the end and no one really gets that hurt!"

"That's ridiculous! You can't really think that!" Inessa cut Lupin off, looking more broken than when Lupin had blown her off this morning.

Avaritia shrugged, "I don't hate you. You're a good person, sure, but, like, actually a good person." The word was an insult in eir mouth. "But, most of that's because you've had every opportunity to be good. It's easy to avoid gluttony when you have food, to stay hard working when you always get rewarded for working hard, to be purehearted when your family loves you and you're pretty and well-liked."

"That doesn't justify doing evil!" Inessa shouted, "Look, I know what it's like to get pushed around, but that doesn't make it okay to just throw away your morals and do whatever!"

Avaritia glared, flexing eir claws as ey strafed away from me slowly, "I'm not throwing away my morals! I'm saying that shaming someone who's lost everything else for being greedy doesn't help if that's the only thing keeping them going! When you can't be the perfect little angel everyone just loves, you need wrath to stand up for yourself, envy to let you see how much you need the things you don't get."

Castitas put her hands on her hips and shook her head, "But think about how much you're taking from others! If you're in trouble, we can help! You can lean on us! You don't need to be greedy to be happy."

Avaritia snorted, angrier than I'd seen em since ey thought I was a pervert that one time ey kidnapped me.

"Look at C!" ey gestured dramatically, "How long have they been trying to be good, and are they any happier? C's nice, kind, humble and full of patience, and that makes them miserable. They can't figure out what they want even when all of it is so obvious because the world won't let them want in the first place!"

"Thanks, I love being used as a rhetorical point." I shouted back as I struggled to my feet. I should have been terrified, but it was oddly hard to be scared of Lupin, even if ey was Avaritia.

"Shut up C, you know I'm right!" Lupin stuck eir tongue out, but eir eyes didn't leave Castitas.

"Sure, but we're helping them! We're working through it together and we're making it better!" Inessa offered, proving that my efforts to seem like nothing at all was going on and I was doing great were maybe less successful than I had thought.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Castitas…" I sighed

"Shut up C!" they both yelled; neither facing me.

"You're helping them, what, always get attacked? Stay too nice to actually admit they don't need to earn happiness to want it?"

"Can we please use someone else?" I begged. Neither dignified me with a response.

"I'm protecting him! And we're working on his family situation!" Inessa's words sounded defensive, even to me. And throwing my dad out there like he was a problem to be solved and not… whatever he was to me at this point hurt. I didn't want to be treated like a problem to be solved. Even Avaritia had made a pretense of talking to me about helping instead of just doing things, for all eir understanding of agreement might have been a bit lacking and ey weren't exactly comprehensible about it.

Lupin shrugged, "And have you ever thought that maybe C doesn't want to be protected? That they only go along with everything because they're too afraid to want something and be a 'bad' person? What if they don't want to be a bystander? What if C wants to shine instead of waiting like a good little princess for you to ride to the rescue? That's what virtue does! It tells the people what they're allowed to want! The people who are the good ones, the lucky ones, the ones who want to help everyone be as good as they are, they're only forcing themselves on everyone else!"

Inessa frowned, "That's ridiculous! And C's been my friend for a lot longer than you've known him! He's basically my brother! And everyone needs to be protected sometimes." Inessa paused and took a deep breath, and tried to look at Avaritia without malice in her eyes. "I've needed it."

Lupin shook eir head, and really looked at me, for the first time since ey'd started talking with Inessa.

"Is that right C? Are you fine just hiding behind Inessa? Do you think you'll bloom into something beautiful if you just stand in the background of someone else's story like a good little virtuous friend spouting advice whenever she needs it and waiting for someone else to tell you how to want without sin?"

Inessa's gaze followed Lupin's and her eyes met mine. She'd known me longer; we could share almost anything with each other. And yet, she seemed uncertain, as if she was begging me to reassure her.

"Inessa's right," I said, wondering why it was that Avaritia seemed to be able to give voice to half the words in my heart.

"Hmph!" Avaritia's tone was cold, for all they shot me a knowing wink, as soon as Castitas wasn't looking. "Anyway, I think that's enough answers for one day! Like I said, I don't hate people who can be happy and virtuous. But some people need something else! And someone needs to stand up for them!"

Ey posed dramatically, eir ears standing straight up, one claw raised toward the sky.

Then, without waiting for Inessa to reply, ey gave a bow and brought eir claw down, tearing through the world. With a single purposeful step, Avaritia Wolf was gone.

A few seconds later, the portal sealed itself up naturally, leaving no sign of Lupin's presence.

Both Castitas and I lingered for far longer. She dwelled on the fight before her and the death of her crush. I was consumed with the feeling of the earrings in my pocket poking into my thigh and the strange realization that I'd already decided I would be keeping them. Even though we were together, and thinking about the same things, the space between us somehow felt like an insurmountable gap.

...

......

.........

So uh. Usually I break these segments down more.

But I can't do that right now.

So yeah.

Goddamn.

Shadell said:
NEXT WEEK ON SHINING VIRTUE ANGELIC HEART!!!

With Avaritia's identity revealed, Lupin has no more reason to hold back. Between Avaritia's schemes during the day, the nameless nocturnal beast and a friend's crisis, the Saints struggle to keep up with their foes' machinations. How will the Saints pull through when attacks come without a pause?!

Tune in for Episode 21: Curtains for Charlie!? The Beast's Name is...

And even this...

This was the real hammer down chapter, and the next one is sure to be, even more so.

Oh boy.

I know I said was gonna do a thing at the end of this, but boy golly I'm exhausted as hell.

Tirfarthuan said:
It wasn't really funny for me? Sure, in a vacuum there's some humor to it, but there's clear desire to help and desperation slamming repeatedly into emotional walls.

Inessa/Castitas wants to provide C with safety, allowing C to come to terms with their needs and issues and make their own choices. C won't admit there's a problem, so Inessa is always desperately straddling the line of providing enough help that C won't have a terrible meltdown or end up in further danger, but not pressing so much on C's unacknowledged (but externally obvious) issues because then C might cut Inessa and her family (and the safety net they are eager to provide) out of C's life. Inessa is taking slow, careful steps while keeping a very sharp eye out for further danger, and is actively willing and able to put herself into harms way to prevent C from getting pancaked by monsters (and/or C's father if necessary).

Lupin/Avaritia wants to help by enabling C to make a violent break with C's current entanglements. If Inessa isn't helping enough, it's because Inessa is too caught up in the social constructs of modern society. There being a 'right way' or a 'safe way' to help C is a concern for people that don't have magic. Lupin CAN push things to the breaking point by doing things that ey CAN be sure is in line with C's desires, because magic, and ey CAN take care of C afterwards even if this destroys the current sucky life C has because ey has a whole magic tree world C can come live with in.

Inessa can't help more until C is ready to accept more, and maybe Inessa sometimes gets frustrated by C's absolute determination to spiral instead of open up. But Inessa doesn't have the tools to fix what's hurting without C affirming the problem.

Lupin means well but is using very concerning tools for very concerning overarching goals. And maybe Lupin needs to consider whether the abusive situation Lupin escaped by becoming Avaritia Wolf is the only abusive situation Lupin has ever been trapped in.

In the end, C has neither the emotional wherewithal to open up to Inessa nor the fullthroated to desire to burn C's current life to the ground to join Lupin.

The sick irony here is that if the magical concerns would stay out of things, Inessa and Lupin could, would and should tagteam C's issues and start getting somewhere. C really DOES need Lupin's pushiness (mixed with care not to break C) to move outside C's (dis)comfort zone instead of treading water. C really DOES need Inessa to be a source of stability and care, not a source of disruption. C has a whole support network that C is not using effectively, and in part that's because C is letting the magic facilitate C's self-gatekeeping.

I will say however that you are saying all the shit you are saying ALL the shit.

rikalous said:
So there's certainly compelling evidence for this, but on the other hand there's an angel mascotting the Saints and nothing about what we've seen of Michael suggests the kind of restrictiveness Lupin refers to. Inessa becoming Castitas explicitly involved embracing her inner disaster gay. Ida keeps getting harangued by Michael to stop going so hard on her signature virtue and to practice some dang self-care. Temperance not only gets to pig out when she wants, she's the one who can just fuckin' be on the GSA while Lupin at last check hadn't come out to eir uncle about being nonbinary. Lupin's whole worldview seems to be informed by a reaction against an unhealthy, excessive approach to virtue, but Michael is championing a healthy medium.

In conclusion: ???

Yeah this too if Michael was ever involved in this kind of thing she had to have changed her mind because. The Saints are just 100000% treated better than the Beasts are, Avaritia's big moral philosophy play will always fall apart on the fact literally the Saints aren't being hurt by their boss, unlike the Beasts, who Temperance is a direct example of how much happier Not Being A Beast made her.

I will probably come back to break down the last section later, because it is Good, it is the Good Shit Shadell, but for now I straight up need to stop typing for forever and a day.

Ultrackius · May 19, 2023

"Lupin shrugged, "And have you ever thought that maybe C doesn't want to be protected? That they only go along with everything because they're too afraid to want something and be a 'bad' person? What if they don't want to be a bystander? What if C wants to shine instead of waiting like a good little princess for you to ride to the rescue? That's what virtue does! It tells the people what they're allowed to want!"

(Using quote marks because it'd be too much work to quote the whole 8k words and turn cut them down)

This bit hit me hard tbh, big fan

NemoMarx · May 19, 2023

RiceRockRekt said:
Can't end this segment without going 'ohhhhhhh you DEFINITELY can bend yourself to fit into anywhere, which isn't what you're doing now, greed girl who isn't a girl but won't say it to your boss.'

...

Mentally parsing Lupin as "Avaritia's slightly more socially normative girlsona" slotted a few things into place for me, because ey wear Lupin like armor, basically, and appear to have literally picked "goth girl" out of the aesthetics they were studying on tv while socially isolated.

rikalous · May 19, 2023

tricholysis said:
...yes? And Charity is a possible virtue name for a C who presents female, along the lines of Inessa/Ida/Temperance. The Saint title would be Caritas to keep it simple for the viewers or Humanitas to keep it accurate.

do we know the MC's last name, by the by? I've forgotten even if we do

If C wants to keep the initial, skimming baby name sites I find Cedra and variants mean "kindly and beloved." Good name for post-positive-character-development C.

LampWitch said:
The levels of denial ey are in. Granted, mind control incense, but still deep in it.

This is why C and Lupin are destined to be besties. Shared interests in denial and rationalization.

RiceRockRekt said:
This is bringing so many data points together and scattering them across the conspiracy board simultaneously.

Yeah, it's great. Giant stack of puzzle pieces failing to quite fit together well enough to show what picture's on the box.

GreatWyrmGold · May 20, 2023

RiceRockRekt said:
Legendary that the Saint of Chastity is going through a cockblock arc.

Inessa Brandt, Saint of (involuntary) Chastity!

Also really messy that C is having these "Oh it's Inessa that deserves this" thoughts like homie why do you have to make it a worthiness thing.

If C hadn't made everything a worthiness thing, she would have long since acknowledged that she deserves some amount of happiness.

C: I CAN INESSA CODE ANY GIRL IN NEED SO HELP ME!
Lupin: Not a girl, but thanks.
C: Oh I am so sorry wait.

C: I CAN INESSA CODE ANYONE IN NEED EXCEPT MYSELF!

Hm! Bad!

It is so actively uncomfortable that everything Lupin does is funny and earnest but it carries the backhand of how ey're subtly changing C without real consent or awareness and it's like. Bad. Very bad.

Yes! It's not turn-your-sister-into-a-wretched-pile-of-limbs bad, but it's still a violation of bodily autonomy. It's Avaricia deciding that she knows what C really wants, what's really best for her, and even if she's technically right in this case it's still wrong to assume that.

...Oh my god C is putting together "Wow Lupin's uncle being Mr. Noir might mean ey's being treated exactly like Superbia treats Avaritia" and is not following that logic a single step further.

It's been established that there's identity-preserving magic at work. But that doesn't make it any less frustrating when the magic kicks in at the last possible moment, several times in a single chapter.

What if C tries to get the Angelic Saints to rescue Lupin from Noir.

This is an actually unhinged thought to have what.

Fanfic idea?

Lupin getting in sync with the fact "Oh hm C's dad is a Boundary" is sweet, though, again, a little bit horrible undercut by how ey think Noir's fucked up void castle is gonna be more hospitable.

Superbia encourages people to embrace their vices, C's dad encourages him to suppress his. What other details could possibly matter?

Whatever the case, definitely not a. Great relationship to happen, since it feeds on both C and Lupin's central flaws, that C doesn't want to take responsibility for changing or being the person C wants to be, and Lupin keeps shoving people around to be what ey think would make them happier to be instead of actually listening and waiting for them to take a choice on their own accord.

The best kind of bad relationship!

Avaritia why the fuck do you think feeding this acid pit of jealousy would make anyone any happier.

"Jealousy" is another valid translation of "invidia". This is exactly Avaricia's MO. Better living by embracing your core vice!

"It's hip!" Lupin I'm so sorry the actual teenager you're hanging out with thinks malls are cringe.

Lupin is an xennial trapped in a zoomer's body.

...Is it actually Temperance herself who came up with the name Temperance Atwater?

Lots of trans people pick their own names. And the fact that her name is so on-the-nose for her current occupation...lends support to that theory.

(Do you think Superbia "This guy has been thinking about girls a lot; he must have so much lust!" Dragon would hire a girl named after one of the virtues? He seems to have a bad habit of judging books by their cover and being too prideful to second-guess himself.)

Yeah that whole. Fuck you got mine energy. Really wafting off Lupin.

I got more of a "Eh, we're both gonna be alright, who cares" vibe.

Shadell said:
Shadell said:

"Okay Jim, can you be a big strong boy for me and tell me if your mommy or your daddy was here with you today?" I tried to sound calmer than I felt.

Lupin groaned audibly from behind me. I did my best to tune her out.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Lupin: C if you could stop being so heteronormative that would be GREAT just GREAT.
C: By, assuming he had a mom or dad?
Lupin: You don't even realize you're spreading toxic masculinity. Embarrassing.

Look, if C was good at introspecting about gender anything we wouldn't be in this mess.

Homie just does not respect guys if they're not like. Immediately visibly Inessa's dad in quality.

The other significant men in C's life thus far include:

His dad, who is absolutely not abusive
Mr. Noir, whose apparent concern for C's wellbeing was just a ruse to trick her into becoming an Abyssal Beast
Charlie himself...self-explanatory

However you look at it, two out of three are terrible and the last is a mixed bag.

Simon_Jester · May 20, 2023

GreatWyrmGold said:
Inessa Brandt, Saint of (involuntary) Chastity!

Mumble mumble something mall shopping mumble belt.

RiceRockRekt · May 20, 2023

Shadell said:
"Why are you doing this?" Castitas asked simply, still pointing her bow at the ground.

Avaritia shrugged, "I'm sure she could tell you."

I had no clue who "she" was, perhaps Michael. Castitas didn't seem surprised at the mention.

Angelic Saint Castitas shook her head, "I mean, I want to hear it from you. Why are you doing this?"

Avaritia's smile brightened, "I guess, what it comes down to, is that I'm a greedy greedy wolf and that I'd rather have a world that's okay with that, than one that'll condemn me for existing."

Castitas winced, "Look, we can help you! We know you're not bad deep down! But this isn't making things better, it just hurts people! You could have hurt so many people today. You could have hurt C, like, a dozen times over!"

"Thanks Castitas," I added sarcastically. Avaritia turned her smirk on me for a half a second, but Castitas gave no response to the undeserved snip.

"Everyone hurts people," Avaritia's answer took a while, and eir tone was surprisingly serious, "Parents hurt their children to make them act 'right'. Corporations deny people life saving medicine for no reason and that's just 'normal'. But when a person does something right in front of you and you can't avert your eyes fast enough, suddenly that makes them the devil, even if it helps in the end and no one really gets that hurt!"

"That's ridiculous! You can't really think that!" Inessa cut Lupin off, looking more broken than when Lupin had blown her off this morning.

Avaritia shrugged, "I don't hate you. You're a good person, sure, but, like, actually a good person." The word was an insult in eir mouth. "But, most of that's because you've had every opportunity to be good. It's easy to avoid gluttony when you have food, to stay hard working when you always get rewarded for working hard, to be purehearted when your family loves you and you're pretty and well-liked."

"That doesn't justify doing evil!" Inessa shouted, "Look, I know what it's like to get pushed around, but that doesn't make it okay to just throw away your morals and do whatever!"

Avaritia glared, flexing eir claws as ey strafed away from me slowly, "I'm not throwing away my morals! I'm saying that shaming someone who's lost everything else for being greedy doesn't help if that's the only thing keeping them going! When you can't be the perfect little angel everyone just loves, you need wrath to stand up for yourself, envy to let you see how much you need the things you don't get."

Castitas put her hands on her hips and shook her head, "But think about how much you're taking from others! If you're in trouble, we can help! You can lean on us! You don't need to be greedy to be happy."

Avaritia snorted, angrier than I'd seen em since ey thought I was a pervert that one time ey kidnapped me.

"Look at C!" ey gestured dramatically, "How long have they been trying to be good, and are they any happier? C's nice, kind, humble and full of patience, and that makes them miserable. They can't figure out what they want even when all of it is so obvious because the world won't let them want in the first place!"

"Thanks, I love being used as a rhetorical point." I shouted back as I struggled to my feet. I should have been terrified, but it was oddly hard to be scared of Lupin, even if ey was Avaritia.

"Shut up C, you know I'm right!" Lupin stuck eir tongue out, but eir eyes didn't leave Castitas.

"Sure, but we're helping them! We're working through it together and we're making it better!" Inessa offered, proving that my efforts to seem like nothing at all was going on and I was doing great were maybe less successful than I had thought.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Castitas…" I sighed

"Shut up C!" they both yelled; neither facing me.

"You're helping them, what, always get attacked? Stay too nice to actually admit they don't need to earn happiness to want it?"

"Can we please use someone else?" I begged. Neither dignified me with a response.

"I'm protecting him! And we're working on his family situation!" Inessa's words sounded defensive, even to me. And throwing my dad out there like he was a problem to be solved and not… whatever he was to me at this point hurt. I didn't want to be treated like a problem to be solved. Even Avaritia had made a pretense of talking to me about helping instead of just doing things, for all eir understanding of agreement might have been a bit lacking and ey weren't exactly comprehensible about it.

Lupin shrugged, "And have you ever thought that maybe C doesn't want to be protected? That they only go along with everything because they're too afraid to want something and be a 'bad' person? What if they don't want to be a bystander? What if C wants to shine instead of waiting like a good little princess for you to ride to the rescue? That's what virtue does! It tells the people what they're allowed to want! The people who are the good ones, the lucky ones, the ones who want to help everyone be as good as they are, they're only forcing themselves on everyone else!"

Inessa frowned, "That's ridiculous! And C's been my friend for a lot longer than you've known him! He's basically my brother! And everyone needs to be protected sometimes." Inessa paused and took a deep breath, and tried to look at Avaritia without malice in her eyes. "I've needed it."

Lupin shook eir head, and really looked at me, for the first time since ey'd started talking with Inessa.

"Is that right C? Are you fine just hiding behind Inessa? Do you think you'll bloom into something beautiful if you just stand in the background of someone else's story like a good little virtuous friend spouting advice whenever she needs it and waiting for someone else to tell you how to want without sin?"

Inessa's gaze followed Lupin's and her eyes met mine. She'd known me longer; we could share almost anything with each other. And yet, she seemed uncertain, as if she was begging me to reassure her.

"Inessa's right," I said, wondering why it was that Avaritia seemed to be able to give voice to half the words in my heart.

"Hmph!" Avaritia's tone was cold, for all they shot me a knowing wink, as soon as Castitas wasn't looking. "Anyway, I think that's enough answers for one day! Like I said, I don't hate people who can be happy and virtuous. But some people need something else! And someone needs to stand up for them!"

Ey posed dramatically, eir ears standing straight up, one claw raised toward the sky.

Then, without waiting for Inessa to reply, ey gave a bow and brought eir claw down, tearing through the world. With a single purposeful step, Avaritia Wolf was gone.

A few seconds later, the portal sealed itself up naturally, leaving no sign of Lupin's presence.

Both Castitas and I lingered for far longer. She dwelled on the fight before her and the death of her crush. I was consumed with the feeling of the earrings in my pocket poking into my thigh and the strange realization that I'd already decided I would be keeping them. Even though we were together, and thinking about the same things, the space between us somehow felt like an insurmountable gap.

Okay, I said that I'd breakdown my reactions for the ending later, but I think it'd serve better to make my response encompassing the entire conclusion as thesis statement, and so I begin with my foremost analysis:

Avaritia Wolf is the least a Beast a Beast can make themselves be.

This is gonna sound strange at first glance, so let me rewind a bit to how the essential thing about Avaritia and Inessa's argument before C becomes the main topic is that it's not, in fact, a battle between Sin and Virtue.

Shadell said:
Castitas winced, "Look, we can help you! We know you're not bad deep down! But this isn't making things better, it just hurts people! You could have hurt so many people today. You could have hurt C, like, a dozen times over!"

"Thanks Castitas," I added sarcastically. Avaritia turned her smirk on me for a half a second, but Castitas gave no response to the undeserved snip.

"Everyone hurts people," Avaritia's answer took a while, and eir tone was surprisingly serious, "Parents hurt their children to make them act 'right'. Corporations deny people life saving medicine for no reason and that's just 'normal'. But when a person does something right in front of you and you can't avert your eyes fast enough, suddenly that makes them the devil, even if it helps in the end and no one really gets that hurt!"

"That's ridiculous! You can't really think that!" Inessa cut Lupin off, looking more broken than when Lupin had blown her off this morning.

Avaritia shrugged, "I don't hate you. You're a good person, sure, but, like, actually a good person." The word was an insult in eir mouth. "But, most of that's because you've had every opportunity to be good. It's easy to avoid gluttony when you have food, to stay hard working when you always get rewarded for working hard, to be purehearted when your family loves you and you're pretty and well-liked."

"That doesn't justify doing evil!" Inessa shouted, "Look, I know what it's like to get pushed around, but that doesn't make it okay to just throw away your morals and do whatever!"

Avaritia glared, flexing eir claws as ey strafed away from me slowly, "I'm not throwing away my morals! I'm saying that shaming someone who's lost everything else for being greedy doesn't help if that's the only thing keeping them going! When you can't be the perfect little angel everyone just loves, you need wrath to stand up for yourself, envy to let you see how much you need the things you don't get."

It's a debate about ends justifying means, if confronting surface violence dismisses challenging the status quo, if hurting people to help others can really balance the scales.

The reason Inessa's side of the argument looks, less sophisticated, you could say, is because she's really not operating on anywhere near the ideological playing field that Avaritia is, her entire stance begins and ends at 'you're hurting people in front of me, stop,' because that's how she entered the conflict, the Abyssal Forest hurts people in front of her, she gained the power to confront them, so she makes them stop.

Avaritia is preoccupied with layers so far above that playground ey can't even see it without a telescope, and that is, entirely a flaw on eir part.

Like, ey's definitely already given up on Inessa as someone to draw into the Abyssal Forest's cause, if that was ever even a consideration, but ey could never have a chance of winning her over on the war of ideas when—

Shadell said:
Inessa's eyes widened as she saw me. In reaction, Lupin spun and waved cheerfully, "Hiya C!" She wasted no time in bouncing toward me.

And Inessa did something utterly incomprehensible. Slowly, mournfully, she lifted her bow and raised it at us.

"Get away from em!" She shouted, as angry as I'd ever seen her.

"W-what, sorry, I—" I froze. I couldn't understand. All I could feel was a terrible, sinking sensation.

Fire coalesced around the drawn bow, an arrow aimed straight for me. How had it come to this? Was Inessa mind-controlled again?

"C!" Inessa shouted urgently, "You have to run!"

Lupin bounded to me, impossibly fast, slipping behind me with preternatural grace. "Don't worry, be a good girl and get out of this without any lasting problems," she whispered kindly, even as her fingers pressed into my neck.

Then she raised her voice and shouted, her tone familiarly mocking in a way that sent shivers down my spine, "Now now, no arrows today, Inessa."

A dark light pulsed at my— or rather Lupin's— feet before surrounding the both of us. When it cleared, I was unchanged, but the fingers around my neck had been replaced by familiar claws.

"Right! Not a step closer, or your little friend gets it."

Begrudgingly, Castitas lowered her bow, Avaritia took a moment to whisper once more in my ear, "Great, just keep playing along and you'll be fine."

I wanted to do something. I didn't know Lupin half as well as I knew Temperance or Ida, much less Inessa, but I was finally starting to like em as a person and now ey was the person who'd held me captive, who'd kidnapped me, who'd tried to turn me into a monster. Ey owed me an explanation.

"I don't want to fight, just… don't hurt C," Inessa, on the other hand, had been crushing on Lupin forever. Lupin, obviously, had no way of knowing that, but I couldn't imagine how hurt Inessa must have felt.

"For real? Rad!" Without waiting for confirmation, Avaritia shoved me to the side.

Castitas winced, "Look, we can help you! We know you're not bad deep down! But this isn't making things better, it just hurts people! You could have hurt so many people today. You could have hurt C, like, a dozen times over!"

—This is the go to move, "I'm gonna make you think I'll hurt your friend as a power play," and right after tries to say ey's the only one who could actually make C happy.

Avaritia's game relies on the Angelic Saints being good people, but being wrong about it, about falling short, and the interesting rub about this is:

Shadell said:
"Everyone hurts people," Avaritia's answer took a while, and eir tone was surprisingly serious, "Parents hurt their children to make them act 'right'. Corporations deny people life saving medicine for no reason and that's just 'normal'. But when a person does something right in front of you and you can't avert your eyes fast enough, suddenly that makes them the devil, even if it helps in the end and no one really gets that hurt!"

"That's ridiculous! You can't really think that!" Inessa cut Lupin off, looking more broken than when Lupin had blown her off this morning.

"Even if it helps in the end and no one gets that hurt."

See, what's interesting about this statement is that it runs on a very, counterintuitive premise.

That Resinners coming into existence helps people.

Shadell said:
I pierced my thumb with one fang, then slipped behind the woman for a moment and shoved a single drop of glistening sap into the songbird's heart. Perhaps I should have felt guilty. I would hate a monster that forced me to cry out that bitterness deep inside where those I loved could hear. This was still but a dream, and you don't have to feel guilty about what you do in dreams.

The droplet gave her what she needed, gave the song in her heart that little bit of strength it needed to crack through all those walls she'd built around the songbird in her heart and set herself free to sing. I returned to my perch, watching from an overhang as I waited for the shadow's grand performance to begin.

My dear friends would stop her in the end; they were cruel like that. I could already hear Temperantia's restrained melody coming closer. But, even once her performance reached its inevitable end, this songbird would still know she had sung, and perhaps that would free her from that cage she'd built. In this, we formed a cycle: vice and virtue, night and day, cruel honesty and softly spoken lies.

It's shown up before, Invidia ??? thinking about the cycle of freedom and cages, that there's relief in becoming a Resinner, even when it's stripped away.

But this is what a Resinner in action looks like.

Shadell said:
The monster towered over a host of innocent high school students, an eight-foot tall humanoid assemblage of television and radio parts with arcs of blue-white electricity cascading across its ramshackle form. The only complete device in its body was a large radio that sat where a head would have been.

"Listen!" it called with a susurrus of voices drawn from a hundred failed disk jockeys. "Listen to me!"

The radio monster advanced slowly and clumsily through the station lobby, each ponderous step driving the increasingly panicked students further into a corner. Electricity arced out from one hand and crashed into a wall, showering the students with debris. A boy fell to his knees.

There wasn't much point to running, and everyone knew it. If you took away the furniture, the lobby was just a large box with a single door from which the monster had come in the first place. No one had any route to escape; at most a student might have avoided the monster for a few more moments as it tore through their friends instead. A few students started to cry.

Naturally, that's when an arrow made of fire crashed into the back of its head.

"HOLD EVILDOER!" a crystal clear voice sounded from the far side of the room. The monster stumbled into the crowd, grabbing an unlucky student and then spun around, holding him—me—up as a shield between it and its attacker.

This deranged TV monster who uses a kid as a human shield the moment someone who could fight back comes its way.

What's supposed to happen with Resinners if the Angelic Saints don't come out to stomp them? Do they, what, not hurt anyone? Go after people baked in Sin, their kin to be, exclusively? Is being a Resinner a more ideal state of being to Avaritia, do they become Beasts if they bake enough?

The only reason they fail to cause harm is because of the opposition of the Angelic Saints, and even Avaritia's damage control seems based on the praxis the Resinner will be dealt with sooner than later, because the monsters of the week operate as one off weapons, thrown bombs, there's no effort to preserve them (at least as far as we've seen) and they're creations of opportunity rather than plan.

If there were no Saints to fight, would they be made? If not, then, sure, fine, they're just tools of necessity to Avaritia, but if Inessa became a Saint to fight the Resinners, then basically Avaritia is saying "Hey everything about what my crew is doing is chill, no one gets hurt because you get in the way of our plans, so stop getting in the way of our plans that harm no one!"

It's one of those things that would have to go way out of range of the surface read to justify with real thought, is what I'm saying.

But now you might be wondering, hey, why is Avaritia the least a Beast ey can be when ey's doing the hypocritical villain thing, and that, brings me to an insightful comment from the letter S:

The Shallow said:
I mean, wasn't there a whole thing about how sin is about how you see your actions, as opposed to their actual effects? Sin is how people see the things they forbid themselves, and Virtue is what people allow themselves or perhaps the standards they hold themselves to; Temperance became Temperantia seemingly following an understanding that her desire to indulge in what she has is not negative, but also isn't something to be chased endlessly.

Sin is about how you see your actions, and, how does Avaritia see eir actions?

Shadell said:
"That doesn't justify doing evil!" Inessa shouted, "Look, I know what it's like to get pushed around, but that doesn't make it okay to just throw away your morals and do whatever!"

Avaritia glared, flexing eir claws as ey strafed away from me slowly, "I'm not throwing away my morals! I'm saying that shaming someone who's lost everything else for being greedy doesn't help if that's the only thing keeping them going! When you can't be the perfect little angel everyone just loves, you need wrath to stand up for yourself, envy to let you see how much you need the things you don't get."

Castitas put her hands on her hips and shook her head, "But think about how much you're taking from others! If you're in trouble, we can help! You can lean on us! You don't need to be greedy to be happy."

Avaritia snorted, angrier than I'd seen em since ey thought I was a pervert that one time ey kidnapped me.

"Look at C!" ey gestured dramatically, "How long have they been trying to be good, and are they any happier? C's nice, kind, humble and full of patience, and that makes them miserable. They can't figure out what they want even when all of it is so obvious because the world won't let them want in the first place!"

I think ey see emself as the hero.

Shadell said:
"You have to understand that a sin, at least as far as the Forest is concerned, isn't an act. It's not hurting others or making things worse. It's a state of mind, you know? And, like, take wrath. Lots of people get very angry, but some of them have a good reason and some of them have really bad ones and maybe sometimes you should be a little wrathful, or maybe you need to take a break and sleep it off even if that makes you feel guilty."

She nodded, clearly satisfied with this explanation. "Everyone has feelings and some of those feelings are dark and they hurt but that doesn't make them fake or worthless. It's just a part of you and one you just don't get yet."

Okay, yes, she had realized something (or thought she had) and immediately changed the subject and I had no idea why, but that did almost sound plausible. But Superbia's nonsense had sounded plausible too. I wish I could write off my feelings like that. It would be nice if there was some benign truth I had yet to understand. I couldn't make myself believe it; not after Superbia had tried the same line, not after Temperance had gone looking for it and gotten so obviously wrong. Also my main experience with Avaritia bringing people's sins to the surface involved her turning them into monsters and sending them out to wreak havoc.

Heedless of my disbelief, Avaritia continued.

"Some of us need that emotion to face ourselves. There's a power in it, and maybe it has some barbs, but sometimes people need those barbs to hold themselves together. I used to try to deny my own desires. But Superbia gave me the seed of greed and," she sighed. "It taught me how to admit to wanting, to be okay with it and it gave me the power to seize what I needed for me and mine, to embrace that desire and make that desperation into a power all its own."

I think ey want to help people be their best self.

Shadell said:
"What was your childhood like?" I asked instead. I couldn't place a lot of what she said into any semblance of a normal life, but enough sounded alarming, even beyond the fact that her uncle was evil, that I found myself worrying for Lupin.

"It sucked and I hated it." Lupin responded cheerfully. "They did everything they could to try and make us into 'virtuous children', no matter what would have broken along the way."

I winced at that. "I'd say 'I'm sorry,' but that wouldn't cover it, would it?"

She shook her head. "No, but we got away, in the end. I mean," she laughed, "I'm pretty flexible, you know. I could have bent myself up enough to fit in without breaking. But we didn't and now things are better and someday we'll get to go back and force them to see that they're wrong and then there won't be any more kids like us!"

A noise I couldn't quite identify made its way out of my lips. Lupin's childhood was unimaginable to me, and I had no idea who she meant by 'us'. But I knew what it was like to be pushed to become an ideal you're entirely unqualified to match.

And yet, I couldn't imagine having the feeling of purpose that came through in Lupin's words, the weight she placed on her values and the way she could dedicate herself to a cause. I wondered what it would feel like to believe so much in something.

I think it's essential to understand that eir foremost goal is to see people never be harmed like ey was.

Avaritia doesn't care about what ey'll possess when the world falls to sin, ey have an ambition to make the world a better place, no matter what ey have to give up to see it through, no matter how much ey need to change, no matter the degree eir ideals become a pretzel just to adapt "Greed" into "Liberty For Children Everywhere."

And that is fucking deluded.

Because there are two, very particular rubs to Avaritia's intended endgame.

1.

Shadell said:
Avaritia's smile brightened, "I guess, what it comes down to, is that I'm a greedy greedy wolf and that I'd rather have a world that's okay with that, than one that'll condemn me for existing."

Castitas winced, "Look, we can help you! We know you're not bad deep down! But this isn't making things better, it just hurts people! You could have hurt so many people today. You could have hurt C, like, a dozen times over!"

"Thanks Castitas," I added sarcastically. Avaritia turned her smirk on me for a half a second, but Castitas gave no response to the undeserved snip.

"Everyone hurts people," Avaritia's answer took a while, and eir tone was surprisingly serious, "Parents hurt their children to make them act 'right'. Corporations deny people life saving medicine for no reason and that's just 'normal'. But when a person does something right in front of you and you can't avert your eyes fast enough, suddenly that makes them the devil, even if it helps in the end and no one really gets that hurt!"

"That's ridiculous! You can't really think that!" Inessa cut Lupin off, looking more broken than when Lupin had blown her off this morning.

Avaritia shrugged, "I don't hate you. You're a good person, sure, but, like, actually a good person." The word was an insult in eir mouth. "But, most of that's because you've had every opportunity to be good. It's easy to avoid gluttony when you have food, to stay hard working when you always get rewarded for working hard, to be purehearted when your family loves you and you're pretty and well-liked."

"That doesn't justify doing evil!" Inessa shouted, "Look, I know what it's like to get pushed around, but that doesn't make it okay to just throw away your morals and do whatever!"

Avaritia glared, flexing eir claws as ey strafed away from me slowly, "I'm not throwing away my morals! I'm saying that shaming someone who's lost everything else for being greedy doesn't help if that's the only thing keeping them going! When you can't be the perfect little angel everyone just loves, you need wrath to stand up for yourself, envy to let you see how much you need the things you don't get."

Avaritia has a very specific idea on what "Virtue" is, and how it relates to society.

As in ey thinks it's society as its whole broken design.

Ey thinks "Oh, big business doesn't let anyone buy medicine that could save lives, that's Virtue in action!" and not like. Corporate Greed.

Avaritia has defined this entire rebellion against the current world order as Sin freeing the little guys from Virtue, but taking out your pain on people who've never harmed you is Wrathful, consuming resources with any concern for what others get is Gluttonous, deciding you can fit kids into a box that's better than what they'd choose themselves is Prideful.

Shadell said:
"You have to understand that a sin, at least as far as the Forest is concerned, isn't an act. It's not hurting others or making things worse. It's a state of mind, you know? And, like, take wrath. Lots of people get very angry, but some of them have a good reason and some of them have really bad ones and maybe sometimes you should be a little wrathful, or maybe you need to take a break and sleep it off even if that makes you feel guilty."

She nodded, clearly satisfied with this explanation. "Everyone has feelings and some of those feelings are dark and they hurt but that doesn't make them fake or worthless. It's just a part of you and one you just don't get yet."

Okay, yes, she had realized something (or thought she had) and immediately changed the subject and I had no idea why, but that did almost sound plausible. But Superbia's nonsense had sounded plausible too. I wish I could write off my feelings like that. It would be nice if there was some benign truth I had yet to understand. I couldn't make myself believe it; not after Superbia had tried the same line, not after Temperance had gone looking for it and gotten so obviously wrong. Also my main experience with Avaritia bringing people's sins to the surface involved her turning them into monsters and sending them out to wreak havoc.

Like, whether or not Avaritia is on the mark with 'oh yeah the Abyssal Forest is your buddy and pal and goodtime homeboy,' it's irrelevant in the larger scale of things, in a way that's deeply related to the last sin I brought up.

2.

Shadell said:
He perked up at that, "Ah! I see. beautiful, yes, that makes sense. Luxuria then, after all this searching."

"What?" Okay, he was definitely giving me monster vibes now. Latin tended to do that lately and I was starting to get a sense for when these things were afoot. I took a deep breath, nearly coughing on the overpowering scent of incense.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Some things have become clear. Well, I must say you shouldn't put yourself down. You seem like a young man of great potential, Charleton."

"It's Charlie," I muttered, drowning in cinnamon.

"Well Charleton, let me ask you a few more questions. I wouldn't want to take too much of your time today young man, and this has been quite a valuable conversation already."

"What?" I asked more sharply than I usually let myself speak. The heady mix of the scent and how off Mr. Noir was left me with the bizarre floating sensation of being in a bad dream from which I couldn't wake up.

"A problem I frequently see with 'well-behaved' boys your age," he said paternalistically, "is that they don't want to admit their own needs. Oh, they try to be 'good,' and the world rewards them for being nice little diligent drones."

"And that's bad?" I asked, worriedly.

"Oh yes," his smile showed his teeth, "hiding your darker emotions helps no one in the end. You can run from adolescent desire as long as you want, run until you can't even remember what you're running from if you want. But the primal need will catch you and it will be all the more empowered for your attempts to confine it. Boys should be boys."

Shadell said:
She smiled at me, "Now, if you were like, a weird creepy incel dude, having to work with you would just suck because who wants to team up with some weirdo perv, but that's not you C and I'm forbidding you from beating yourself up like that!"

Superbia has very different ideas on what Sin justifies than Avaritia, and ey'll always submit to Superbia's interpretation when it counts.

Because Avaritia doesn't accept every Sin and all its interpretations, ey's very clear on the fact that C feeling sexually entitled to the Angelic Saints (among them being Avaritia's old partner, just to lay on the, Yeah) would be disgusting to em, and ey'd break every bone ey could get away with if forced to spend time in an incel's presence.

But ey can't get away with it, because Superbia brought C into the fold explicitly on that premise—

Shadell said:
"You see, when you kept getting attacked by monsters it was plain to me that they were drawn to you because of the great potential hiding in you. When we met, I was able to confirm your potential and verify the presence of a satisfactory darkness in your heart. It was just a matter of divining its form in its nascent state—lust of course—and drawing enough out to the surface that you would be a qualified vessel for this!"

He held something up to the sky: a large black seed about the size of a finger. "Behold! the Seed of Luxuria!"

—And when Superbia says jump, ey jumps.

Shadell said:
"Avaritia Wolf," the girl dropped to one knee, leaving me unguarded. I wasn't brave or impulsive enough to take the chance to run, "this is your fault for grabbing him before he was ready. Push him over the edge and I will allow this mistake to go unpunished."

She froze, cold sweat visible on her brow, and lowered her head. "As you command Lord Superbia." I wondered how much worse he must have been to her than me if the fierce wolf who happily fought three against one with Inessa, Temperance and Ida was so terrified of disobedience.

With an imperious wave of his hand, Superbia dismissed us. Avaritia wasted no time silently dragging me out of the throne room and down the long corridor in which we'd materialized into the rest of the demented castle.

Like a beaten dog.

Now, what was that promise Avaritia made about why C would be able to get away with being a girl?

Shadell said:
They laughed and patted me on the head, "No worries. I said any so I mean any and that means she is fine. I mean, honestly, I've been liking the idea of trying out Spivak a lot lately" I had no clue what that word meant, "But, well, Superbia's himself and you gotta be careful how you talk to him. And coming out as an enbie would be hard while, you know, just saying that 'oooh, look at me I am soooo greedy. I have to have alllllll the pronouns all to myself, how strange the nature of sin' is pretty easy, and he will absolutely roll with basically anything you justify like that."

"That's awful," I winced, wondering what it would be like to be unable to tell your closest companions who you really were. If Gula was gone (I wasn't going to think about what that might mean just now) I could see why Avaritia craved a friend so badly. Her only remaining companionship was a superior who bossed her around and yelled at him all the time and didn't even accept them for themself.

"Nah, it works out in the end, he's totally chill with basically anything you can justify under feeding your sin. Like, with you, when you turn into a girl, we'll just lie and say you were so overcome by the inertia to fit in that you turned into one of them as completely as possible, and need to use she/her pronouns to affirm your sin or something. He'll get confused and have a boomer moment and then shrug and go along with it."

That definitely would be an issue if this was the creepy incel dude ey was expecting. Prommy.

It's what I've been saying all this time, but bass boosted, Avaritia keeps talking about necessary sacrifices for a better world, but ey think Superbia's designs will give em that when they don't even agree about acceptable recruits.

If Noir has anything real to his principles, then they're built on a worse poisoned trunk than Avaritia's idea of an olive branch, and no one will want what that world looks like, because it'll be a world about self-destructively following your vices, no matter how much it hurts others and yourself.

Shadell said:
Lupin shook eir head, and really looked at me, for the first time since ey'd started talking with Inessa.

"Is that right C? Are you fine just hiding behind Inessa? Do you think you'll bloom into something beautiful if you just stand in the background of someone else's story like a good little virtuous friend spouting advice whenever she needs it and waiting for someone else to tell you how to want without sin?"

Inessa's gaze followed Lupin's and her eyes met mine. She'd known me longer; we could share almost anything with each other. And yet, she seemed uncertain, as if she was begging me to reassure her.

"Inessa's right," I said, wondering why it was that Avaritia seemed to be able to give voice to half the words in my heart.

"Hmph!" Avaritia's tone was cold, for all they shot me a knowing wink, as soon as Castitas wasn't looking. "Anyway, I think that's enough answers for one day! Like I said, I don't hate people who can be happy and virtuous. But some people need something else! And someone needs to stand up for them!"

Ey posed dramatically, eir ears standing straight up, one claw raised toward the sky.

Then, without waiting for Inessa to reply, ey gave a bow and brought eir claw down, tearing through the world. With a single purposeful step, Avaritia Wolf was gone.

A few seconds later, the portal sealed itself up naturally, leaving no sign of Lupin's presence.

Both Castitas and I lingered for far longer. She dwelled on the fight before her and the death of her crush. I was consumed with the feeling of the earrings in my pocket poking into my thigh and the strange realization that I'd already decided I would be keeping them. Even though we were together, and thinking about the same things, the space between us somehow felt like an insurmountable gap.

So, why does the narrative frame it like C falls in line with Avaritia's beliefs more than Inessa's?

Well, that's because C is Avaritia.

Shadell said:
"Right! My cocoon spirit bird! She always helps me with things and we do everything together and are going to change things someday! She said I, or anyone can be a girl if I want to, no matter what the adults say!"

It took me a second to process that. Had Temperance just outed herself as transgender? I felt a spike of guilt at inadvertently prying a secret out from her while she was like this. She didn't look anything like I expected a transgender person to look, not that I really had much of anything in the way of expectations really. And, I guess being so used to thinking about that kind of thing would make more sense that she'd miscategorize me so badly.

I buried a faint twinge of something at the thought that Temperance was just allowed to decide to be a girl, and then got to be pretty and got to transform herself. She was allowed to change herself, to become someone she wanted to be and also she got to grow up as a girl and become a hero while I was stuck here being useless old ugly me.

Shadell said:
Avaritia shrugged, "I don't hate you. You're a good person, sure, but, like, actually a good person." The word was an insult in eir mouth. "But, most of that's because you've had every opportunity to be good. It's easy to avoid gluttony when you have food, to stay hard working when you always get rewarded for working hard, to be purehearted when your family loves you and you're pretty and well-liked."

"That doesn't justify doing evil!" Inessa shouted, "Look, I know what it's like to get pushed around, but that doesn't make it okay to just throw away your morals and do whatever!"

It's as much a metaphor as it isn't.

See, Avaritia validates, this, a lot because, of course, ey's trying to get C to love that Envy on the inside, but more so it's because they share the same fundamental vice that isn't listed on any of the cardinal sins:

"You're a good person because it's easy for you."

This resignation, and spite, because it isn't easy for them to be happy, and if they see anyone who's happy...It's because it wasn't hard.

More than that, the words Avaritia uses to criticize how the Saints help C—

Shadell said:
"Look at C!" ey gestured dramatically, "How long have they been trying to be good, and are they any happier? C's nice, kind, humble and full of patience, and that makes them miserable. They can't figure out what they want even when all of it is so obvious because the world won't let them want in the first place!"

"Thanks, I love being used as a rhetorical point." I shouted back as I struggled to my feet. I should have been terrified, but it was oddly hard to be scared of Lupin, even if ey was Avaritia.

"Shut up C, you know I'm right!" Lupin stuck eir tongue out, but eir eyes didn't leave Castitas.

"Sure, but we're helping them! We're working through it together and we're making it better!" Inessa offered, proving that my efforts to seem like nothing at all was going on and I was doing great were maybe less successful than I had thought.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Castitas…" I sighed

"Shut up C!" they both yelled; neither facing me.

"You're helping them, what, always get attacked? Stay too nice to actually admit they don't need to earn happiness to want it?"

"Can we please use someone else?" I begged. Neither dignified me with a response.

"I'm protecting him! And we're working on his family situation!" Inessa's words sounded defensive, even to me. And throwing my dad out there like he was a problem to be solved and not… whatever he was to me at this point hurt. I didn't want to be treated like a problem to be solved. Even Avaritia had made a pretense of talking to me about helping instead of just doing things, for all eir understanding of agreement might have been a bit lacking and ey weren't exactly comprehensible about it.

Lupin shrugged, "And have you ever thought that maybe C doesn't want to be protected? That they only go along with everything because they're too afraid to want something and be a 'bad' person? What if they don't want to be a bystander? What if C wants to shine instead of waiting like a good little princess for you to ride to the rescue? That's what virtue does! It tells the people what they're allowed to want! The people who are the good ones, the lucky ones, the ones who want to help everyone be as good as they are, they're only forcing themselves on everyone else!"

—Are insanely reflective of how the Saints try to help Avaritia.

Shadell said:
"Sorry about that C! We, umm, ran into someone we know on the way and one of her friends was in trouble so we had to help out and, well, we lost track of time." Inessa dipped her head in apology.

Translation, they bumped into Avaratia Wolf, Gula Shark or some new leader of whatever shadowy force kept turning people into monsters, and she had a monster attack the gang. Ida tried to stick with the basketball game because this match was important but they couldn't defeat until she came and helped.

"Are they okay?" I asked despite myself.

"Well, everything is all fine now, but I think we still have some things to talk about with our friend next time we see her," Inessa only panicked a little as she tried to translate what had happened.

In other words, whichever general had shown up to lead the enemy had gotten away (it was probably Avaritia Wolf, I hadn't seen Gula Shark in any monster attacks since early December.)

Temperance nodded along stoically, "Right, she's still confused about a few things, but we'll help her see the light soon enough after all this."

Which is to say Temperance was livid, insofar as Temperance actually felt any emotions at all under that mask of hers, at whatever this fidget spinner themed monster had been and was probably totally determined to crush her enemy next time she saw her.

Shadell said:
"ANYWAY," she said with a mock glare, "So, we finally seemed to have Avaritia on the defensive and I thought we'd be able to…"

"Kill em?"

"TALK to em, honestly C, we're not killers!"

I wondered. Avaritia had said Gula was gone, but I couldn't imagine Inessa doing that. I bowed my head in an apology, "Sorry. Anyway, you were going to talk to her and…"

"Finally ask why sh-ey keeps doing this all on eir own, why ey sticks with Superbia even after Gula…" Inessa shuddered at Superbia's name and I realized that my rescue had probably been a greater adventure than I knew, "or why ey keeps turning people into monsters and if we can find any way to find a middle ground or talk em down.

Shadell said:
"Why are you doing this?" Castitas asked simply, still pointing her bow at the ground.

Avaritia shrugged, "I'm sure she could tell you."

I had no clue who "she" was, perhaps Michael. Castitas didn't seem surprised at the mention.

Angelic Saint Castitas shook her head, "I mean, I want to hear it from you. Why are you doing this?"

Avaritia's smile brightened, "I guess, what it comes down to, is that I'm a greedy greedy wolf and that I'd rather have a world that's okay with that, than one that'll condemn me for existing."

Castitas winced, "Look, we can help you! We know you're not bad deep down! But this isn't making things better, it just hurts people! You could have hurt so many people today. You could have hurt C, like, a dozen times over!"

And more to the point...

Shadell said:
Lupin returned to the belts, "I'm too greedy to stop her if taking the wrong path helps her work through some things. And she looks a lot happier now, so it's probably working out for her." Lupin's voice was too carefully magnanimous to be as okay as she claimed to be. There was something there that had yet to scab over and I wondered what the story was. No matter what, finding out that someone you were close to—Mom's face flashed through my mind—felt better off without you specifically in their lives… That had to hurt.

"But," Lupin sneered, "They should know that I'm greedy enough to take her back the moment that she finds out exactly where that road leads. Besides, I've got the most adorable new partner now, so there's no need to mope!" she winked at me meaningfully then dropped the belt back into the display and moved to examine a shelf full of skirts.

I found myself picturing Lupin and Temperance together. Something about that felt familiar and I couldn't help but wonder if Lupin and Temperance had been an item. As far as I knew, Lupin had only started school this year, so it wasn't impossible she'd known Temperance before the latter transferred in. I had no clue what mistaken path Lupin would think the Saint of Temperance was taking, but I had no business asking really.

"That doesn't seem very greedy," I fired back instead.

...It's really, really familiar to how Avaritia copes with Gula leaving em.

It's funny.

Letting the people you love make bad choices, just so you don't take away their agency, and give them room to lean on you of their own accord, only isn't chickenshit when it's your friend, huh Avaritia?

This is why Avaritia's as far as a Beast can bend before they break, and why eir grand plan for humanity is mostly jack and shit, because when ey care about someone enough, ey'll twist as far towards the other side's methodology as ey can get away with to help them.

A wise man once said personality comes before ideology, and before someone is a fascist, they are a bully; so, before ey is a Beast, what kind of person does Avaritia end up being?

Shadell said:
"See!" Lupin said eventually, unable to endure the silence. "This is what I mean when I say I'm greedy! I don't go slow when I should. Anyway, let's just forget that happened."

"I—" what did she think had happened? Lupin had been friendly and I'd run away in a panic, "Look, you were fine, I just," misread things and had seen Inessa and been terrified that things would compound and the person I loved most in the world would think I'd betrayed her. None of that had been Lupin's fault, not really. "It was getting a little stuffy in there and I, umm, sorry."

She shook her head, "You did nothing wrong! I was being pushy; you're allowed to get overstimulated or want some air or some space to sort yourself out. It's important to remember not to let anyone, even me, push you too much and…" she trailed off again. "Let's just forget it and pretend it never happened?"

Shadell said:
"C," Ida's voice cut into my musing. I didn't turn.

"I just wanted to apologize, I didn't… I wasn't that clear earlier, and I thought you should know that, umm," she hesitated. I didn't want to hear whatever it was she'd try to say to comfort me. A part of me wanted to yell at her to leave. But she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Michael said something similar to me when I first asked." Ida let the words sit just long enough for me to put the meaning together, "About being a magical girl that is."

Oh.

Shadell said:
"If you're not trans," Temperance said finally, "then I guess you want me to stop with all the jokes about getting you in a skirt."

I practically sagged with relief that at least we were no longer simply staring at each other, but I hesitated to respond. Sure it would be nice if she stopped joking about shoving me in a skirt all the time, but I didn't want everyone to treat me differently because I'd been attacked and was too useless to do anything but pass out. The thought of telling Temperance to stop sent an unpleasant surge of nausea through my gut.

"Nah," I said, playing it cool, "it's fine. I don't actually mind, and they're just jokes."

"In that case," Temperance said, smiling, "since you know our secret, I suppose it's time for you to join team magical girl? You could go part time on the girl bit if needed."

Shadell said:
"Inessa," I managed at last, "thanks for saving me."

She eeped and froze, "I didn't, I mean, what, saved, but Castitas, what I mean is…." she sought futilely for an explanation before sagging into the desk mortified, "You're welcome."

"Really, thanks. I'm sorry that I'm always making more work for all of you."

"C you're being ridiculous," she mock glared at me, and just like that the wall was gone and we could go back to being us, "it is not more work to save you from the monsters we'd be fighting anyway. Iif anything I'm sorry you keep getting stuck in our fights even though you're not involved."

I winced as my attempts to shake my head furiously at Inessa's completely misguided suggestion that somehow she owed me an apology set off another burst of aching pain.

The kind of person the Saints are.

veteranMortal · May 20, 2023

I find it interesting when Avarita and Inessa both shut C down without listening to her or looking at her. Whilst discussing her.

Interesting.

rikalous · May 20, 2023

RiceRockRekt said:
deciding you can fit kids into a box that's better than what they'd choose themselves is Prideful.

And we know this for sure because it's the first thing we saw Superbia Dragon do!

RiceRockRekt said:
If there were no Saints to fight, would they be made? If not, then, sure, fine, they're just tools of necessity to Avaritia, but if Inessa became a Saint to fight the Resinners, then basically Avaritia is saying "Hey everything about what my crew is doing is chill, no one gets hurt because you get in the way of our plans, so stop getting in the way of our plans that harm no one!"

It's one of those things that would have to go way out of range of the surface read to justify with real thought, is what I'm saying.

Based on the earlier exposition about the whole cosmic level of the conflict,

Shadell said:
I nodded at that. That more or less made sense. "And they make Resinners to do that?"

Inessa answered, speaking around a bite of cracker, "Right! The beasts infuse the sap of the First Tree that's been poisoned with sin into people and, when their sins go out of control, it crystallizes and they turn into Resinners."

"And defeating them, what, saves the victims? Makes it so you can stop it from influencing the First Tree?"

Inessa nodded, "We can purify their Heart Amber which lets them turn back and, yeah, that stops it from influencing the First Tree."

it seems the actual rampages are entirely incidental, because the point is that the Resinners existing in all their sinny glory tilts the First Tree in the direction the Beasts favor. They don't monsterize people to fight the Saints, they fight the Saints to make them stop interfering with the monsterization. (And because they have unresolved issues over stupid sharks abandoning them.)

That ties in with Avaritia's whole spiel you just quoted about how sin's a state of mind, not an action*, and also with Dream-C's attitude towards creating Kopier Kat.

Shadell said:
I pierced my thumb with one fang, then slipped behind the woman for a moment and shoved a single drop of glistening sap into the songbird's heart. Perhaps I should have felt guilty. I would hate a monster that forced me to cry out that bitterness deep inside where those I loved could hear. This was still but a dream, and you don't have to feel guilty about what you do in dreams.

The droplet gave her what she needed, gave the song in her heart that little bit of strength it needed to crack through all those walls she'd built around the songbird in her heart and set herself free to sing. I returned to my perch, watching from an overhang as I waited for the shadow's grand performance to begin.

My dear friends would stop her in the end; they were cruel like that. I could already hear Temperantia's restrained melody coming closer. But, even once her performance reached its inevitable end, this songbird would still know she had sung, and perhaps that would free her from that cage she'd built.

The "performance" is alluded to, but only in the vaguest sense. Dream-C doesn't really care about the actions in themselves, just that the woman is giving voice to the emotions behind them and might be able to do so again. And I think that's part of Avaritia's self-justification as well. The fact that Resinning the Hot Topic guy just made him smash some stuff and scare the mallgoers and get beaten up by a magical girl - and that this was all entirely predictable based on every other Resinner we've seen - is dismissed because the important thing is that he was ~~forced~~ allowed to let out all his fashion-greed.

Which is an unusually deontologist justification for why unleashing the darkness powers of evil is fine. Not that Avaritia doesn't have a utopian end goal, but in the short term ey (and Invidia) seem to believe the means of freeing the heart to sin justify the results of the inevitable rampages. Meanwhile Castitas is the consequentialist going, "if the thing results in people being hurt and endangered don't do it??? This isn't rocket surgery???"

*Speaking of which, I'm just gonna highlight this bit

Shadell said:
maybe you need to take a break and sleep it off even if that makes you feel guilty.

because Lupin you catastrophe this is what the actual angel wants from the saint of flipping diligence you do not have to be on Team Sin to support this.

A Little Vice (Trans Magical Girl fic)

Interested-Idiot-Immortal

Interested-Idiot-Immortal

a body

the Ordainer

Backalley Watchdog

Gay and Stupid