- Pronouns
- She/Her
I think dying has priority? It's not common, I am not entirely sure.
I didn't see that, I just noticed. That is such a bad card tbh, there are instakills for 3 mana.
A Little Vice (Trans Magical Girl fic)
- Thread starter Shadell
- Start date
- Original Users' Choice!
Voted best in category in the Users' Choice awards.
Iris-Iven-Ibis
Interested-Idiot-Immortal
- Location
- You know
It makes sense to me has without anyone to prove his superiority against his true pathetic self shines through
Hestia&theCourt
Turns out we're plural too.
- Location
- In transition
- Pronouns
- She/Her
A reminder to everybody that we explicitly are bad at balancing and went for flavor over usability. We're more likely to fix things that are actual errors (i.e. Invidia's flip ability not working as intended due to bad phrasing, the wonky power/toughness on a couple of the Saints) or flavor fails (you're right, Lord Hamter, Embrace Virtue should grant flying) than we are to fix "this card is not actually very usable in constructed". We're not looking to make an actual, functional ALV set or anything, so the fact that these are a little unbalanced is fine for our purposes.
That way she has a guaranteed target to turn into a Resinner when she enters the battlefield as Invidia. The fact that she only gives one Monster role per transformation gives the impression that, unlike Avaritia or Superbia who can and will just spam Monster roles if you have the mana and time, Invidia is being more careful and picky about who she turns into a Resinner, but that does mean she loses value if there's not a valid target on the field at the time. Hence, making a target before she flips.
That way she has a guaranteed target to turn into a Resinner when she enters the battlefield as Invidia. The fact that she only gives one Monster role per transformation gives the impression that, unlike Avaritia or Superbia who can and will just spam Monster roles if you have the mana and time, Invidia is being more careful and picky about who she turns into a Resinner, but that does mean she loses value if there's not a valid target on the field at the time. Hence, making a target before she flips.
- Location
- Earth
- Pronouns
- He/Him
First off, there's a good number of 0/0 creatures with an ability that gives them +1/+1 for every something-or-other. I'd show you a list, but the WotC servers are undergoing maintenance. It's usually phrased as "[name]'s power and toughness are each equal to the number of [Y]," but as written, it should work, because...
Second, there isn't a moment where Superbia has 0 Toughness. It can't be sacrificed before it enters play, and as soon as it enters play, there is an Abyssal under your control, so its Toughness is greater than 0 whenever it's eligible to die for having 0 Toughness. Unless some external force reduces its Toughness.
- Location
- Somewhere!
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Listing */* as the power/toughness is a bit clearer for that kind of mechanic, but I don't think it actually makes a difference yeah. Germ tokens are 0/0 and come into the battlefield attached to equipment and so don't instantly die, and I think an ability buffing you would have similar priority to equipment doing so.
Preorders for the epub version are up on Amazon
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Oh hey, you can preorder the epub! Tentatively to be released June 4th! The actual release will go up on Itch, as well as a few other sites, but those don't work as well for preordering.
I'm still looking into print on demand settings with Kindle.
I'm still looking into print on demand settings with Kindle.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Print on demand as in a physical copy? *slams money onto the table*
BethofDeath
Girls just wanna have pun
- Location
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I recall seeing a case where a word lacked a prefix, inverting the meaning of whether a bad thing was bad or not, when I re-read the story. Was obvious from context that wasn't what the character meant, but threw me for a second. I think it was in a Chiro-Lupin conversation around the middle or middle-late? If it wasn't already caught in the epub version it can be corrected before physical print, I'll have to re-read like 1/2-2/3rds of the story again to find it.
As Temperance would likely deadpan, "Oh no. Woe is me."
As Temperance would likely deadpan, "Oh no. Woe is me."
- Location
- Earth
- Pronouns
- He/Him
A random Tumblr post that made me think of Chiro:
Some of y'all might find this relatable.
Article: if the chick cannot break the shell of its egg, it will die before it is hatched. but what if it does not wish to leave the shell? the shell is safe. it protects the chick from danger. it cannot be harmed in there. yet the fact remains that if it does not struggle and break free, it will die. it will die completely and utterly alone.
Some of y'all might find this relatable.
- Location
- Somewhere!
- Pronouns
- She/Her
That was one of the most trans ish subtext quotes from Revolutionary Girl Utena, yeah.
- Pronouns
- She/They
It also summarizes 38 and a half episodes of Utena from the perspective of Anthy (that being the reference, of course), and it does strike me that this story is definitely in the same genre. Not...the same, but the whole milieu about the relationship of gender to agency and indescribably dense lesbians in a fairy tale is definitely there.
- Location
- SV's Only Complete Persona Quest
- Pronouns
- She/Her
And of course Utena itself was referencing Herman Hesse's Demian
BethofDeath
Girls just wanna have pun
- Location
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Still haven't found what I'm looking for (apologizes to U2), but I found a few things in Chapter 11 that could maybe be polished?
Unless this is all secretly going down in... Britain? Is it Britain that says "a right X"?... this should probably be "a tight hug"
into
Needs a paragraph break between and a Lupin to help me with my shopping for the first time a couple years ago.
Unless this is all secretly going down in... Britain? Is it Britain that says "a right X"?... this should probably be "a tight hug"
into
Needs a paragraph break between and a Lupin to help me with my shopping for the first time a couple years ago.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
What's the epilogue going to look like in terms of how it is made? I really want it to start right after this chapter, just to see everybody's reaction to what Chiro just said lol.
Edit: I really am hoping that nothing happens like "Oh, you aren't going to become a girl after joining."
Edit: I really am hoping that nothing happens like "Oh, you aren't going to become a girl after joining."
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Decim
On again, off again lurker.
- Location
- St. Louis, MO
My money for the epilogue is that its a single 'Monster of the Week' type episode where Invidia Bat makes a 'triumphant' return after Chiro backslides in her character development. Chiro's envy hasn't actually burned out, just went into a low smoulder. This, of course, results in Chiro and the Saints running around trying to get control of the situation back. But, well, its Chiro we're talking about, who is a dumpster fire of feelings at the best of times. Shenanigans ensue.
BethofDeath
Girls just wanna have pun
- Location
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Or it could be the episode where Chiro accidentally gets her sinful chocolate in her virtue's peanut butter trying to save everyone -- and Michael gets VERY annoyed... and is forced to explain what the heck is up with her and Uriel and the entire war.
Seriously I want to break into the universe where this is an actual show and grab every bit of (non-exploitative) material ever released in the franchise... I envy them so much, that I just wanna be greedy like that
Seriously I want to break into the universe where this is an actual show and grab every bit of (non-exploitative) material ever released in the franchise... I envy them so much, that I just wanna be greedy like that
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- Pronouns
- She/Her
My hope is it's more focusing on Chiro's emotions and stuff, like right after this or maybe a day later. Because she's still in denial at the end of this last one, but only barely.
Bluespark9
Goddess of Magic and Passion
- Location
- SoCal
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Wow, this is so impressive, I'm soo glad someone actually turned my half-baked idea into something that actually develops the characters and works with the setting. It's very different from what I would have done with this sort of time travel premise, so thanks for giving a good reason to try and get me to do some actual writing of my own. I particularly love how while we can see it From past C's perspective, we can still see how Chiro still feels the same doubts and is working on them as well. It's just great, hope you have a good day.
Honestly, that kind of makes the whole story, where Chiro learns to be better and slowly and painfully gets better, and I want to see her enjoy that for once in her life.
I'd much prefer this, it would be so great to actually understand the broader picture now that our obvious batgirl is not wallowing in self pity and actually a part of the main plot of the in-universe show, besides I just like knowing about broader worldbuilding like this, it's just neat.
BethofDeath
Girls just wanna have pun
- Location
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
- Pronouns
- She/Her
dons very tall curly blue wig, holds up a fruit of the First Tree
I just think they're neat!
I just think they're neat!
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Still haven't found what I'm looking for (apologizes to U2), but I found a few things in Chapter 11 that could maybe be polished?
Unless this is all secretly going down in... Britain? Is it Britain that says "a right X"?... this should probably be "a tight hug"
into
Needs a paragraph break between and a Lupin to help me with my shopping for the first time a couple years ago.
Ooh, noted and thanks!
Decim
On again, off again lurker.
- Location
- St. Louis, MO
Yeah, the idea of Invidia Bat making a one episode return is more omake bait than actually necessary for the narrative. A Little Vice, Chiro's story to start being better, is done. Sure, there's more story to tell if @Shadell cares to, but this arc is done. Its at a good stopping point.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Yeah, any further would probably be just slice of life and stuff. I really want a sequel that's just entirely slice of life set a bit after this one of Chiro's everyday life, though.
BethofDeath
Girls just wanna have pun
- Location
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
- Pronouns
- She/Her
You might've fixed the thing I was originally looking for, because 13 and 14 felt so much like they were where I'd found the inversion but I didn't notice it reading them again?
I did find a few other, minor things tho.
Might've been intended as "could not help but"; technically what's here is correct, it just sounds archaic? Which isn't a voice Chiro has used.
This is a quibble at most, but a comma "ey did, for all" gives it more of a melancholic pause that seems appropriate? There are a lot of little places throughout the story I would've considered tossing a comma in, so as to represent a breath to speak or just delineate structure, but this is the first place I thought it actually might give an characterization/immersion improvement to be worth me even mentioning.
Speaking of nags,
"to the whole world" feels more right -- Chiro's not working with the whole world to out peoples' secrets, after all.
There's a couple different ways I'd consider adjusting the flow, but they're both tweaked to my own brain's processing and it's entirely possible neither are desirable for most people -- heck, I didn't exactly finish AP English and had a mild disagreement with the teacher about some rule of structure or other. This might even be a bit dialect-related, for all I know? It works perfectly as the flow-of-consciousness it is.
Here, this is slightly depleted from all the baking but take a few grains out of it if you open the spoiler: hands you a carton of salt
Of course, this would be the only semicolon usage I've seen in the entire story if you used one here, so feel even freer to ignore the suggestion than usual if that's not the style you're aiming for. ^_^
Also feel free to tell me off. It's... not like you asked me to jump in as a proofreader or something, I just got excited at the idea of getting this in print form and wanted to help with making that happen and... well, ADHD brain skipped a few steps. That's my bad.
I did find a few other, minor things tho.
Might've been intended as "could not help but"; technically what's here is correct, it just sounds archaic? Which isn't a voice Chiro has used.
This is a quibble at most, but a comma "ey did, for all" gives it more of a melancholic pause that seems appropriate? There are a lot of little places throughout the story I would've considered tossing a comma in, so as to represent a breath to speak or just delineate structure, but this is the first place I thought it actually might give an characterization/immersion improvement to be worth me even mentioning.
Speaking of nags,
"to the whole world" feels more right -- Chiro's not working with the whole world to out peoples' secrets, after all.
There's a couple different ways I'd consider adjusting the flow, but they're both tweaked to my own brain's processing and it's entirely possible neither are desirable for most people -- heck, I didn't exactly finish AP English and had a mild disagreement with the teacher about some rule of structure or other. This might even be a bit dialect-related, for all I know? It works perfectly as the flow-of-consciousness it is.
Here, this is slightly depleted from all the baking but take a few grains out of it if you open the spoiler: hands you a carton of salt
Of course, this would be the only semicolon usage I've seen in the entire story if you used one here, so feel even freer to ignore the suggestion than usual if that's not the style you're aiming for. ^_^
Also feel free to tell me off. It's... not like you asked me to jump in as a proofreader or something, I just got excited at the idea of getting this in print form and wanted to help with making that happen and... well, ADHD brain skipped a few steps. That's my bad.
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- Pronouns
- She/Her
It's extremely appreciated when people do free labour that helps me have better writing! If they are not specific corrections I want to use, I just won't ("the could not" but is intentional for example) and I have specific eye-tracking issues that make proofreading grammar actively very exhausting and tricky for me, so I actually *really appreciate this.*
And thank you!!
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