Fate/Clusterfuck (Fate/Stay Night)

[Mix]


View: https://youtu.be/oHndSpVFvFo?si=nt9trZN4FfwiHTdd

Thanks to @Armoury for the beta!

Shorter chapter for Thanksgiving.

—

… No point in hiding it, not anymore. Not after all of this. It wasn't like it was something you were ashamed of regardless.

"Ayako, if I were to die in the next minute, the next second. If I had to choose, right now, between the sacrifice of my life or yours, or anyone's, or everyone's... It isn't a choice at all. I would choose it now, I would choose it tomorrow. I would choose it until the day I die. Because it is you that matters, your life, yours dreams, your moments. This is my ideal." You smile thinly. "My life isn't worth very much Ayako, not worthless, but little. That's why I want to help others… I was helped a long time ago, and I'm more than willing to trade my life for others."

Ayako's eyes widen, that isn't particularly a surprise. "W-what the hell are you talking about? Why? The hell Shirou? Why would your life be worthless?!"

You open your mouth to respond, then stop. It occurs to you that you had told… no one this. The only one who knew fully was Kiritsugu. Taiga had an inkling, but you had never given her the full details. No matter how much she had tried to weasel her way into getting them when you were younger. She had been doing it out of caring, a desire to be your older sister. But even as a child… you knew there were some things that were meant to be kept quiet, somethings that made you different, long before you became a Magus.

Ayako… Ayako deserved to know, if nothing else.

"I died ten years ago."

Her eyes widen somehow further, and your girlfriend lurches back. "Shirou… what are you saying?"

"Do you remember the Fuyuki Fire?" you ask quietly.

Ayako nods hesitantly.

"My home was right in the middle of it. My mother and father… " you shake your head. "All my neighbors, friends. I was seven years old, walking in the middle of it, people screaming for help, dying, burning. But I was only seven, what could I even do?" you look towards the window, the smell of smoke tickling your nose. "I wandered, and… died, or nearly so. I moved from place to place, watched helplessly as everyone and everything I ever knew died, and in the end." You look back at Ayako with a bitter smile. "I didn't. I was the miracle child of Fuyuki, found in the midst of all the carnage, surrounded by flaming corpses." You shake your head. "I would have died as well, but my adoptive father found me amidst the rubble and saved my life. I only vaguely remember it but…"

The smile drops from your face. "The look on his face, the joy. It stuck with me. So I grew up, the only survivor of that entire neighborhood. Over a hundred deaths, just myself surviving. I wondered why for the longest time, why Kiritsugu found me? Why did I make it but my parents…" You shake your head again. "I was supposed to die that day. But Kiritsugu changed that, but at the same time, I couldn't save anyone else. I'm not supposed to be here, so I'll try to save as many others as I can to make it up for everyone else who died that day." When you were younger, to be honest, until you had really grown to know Medea you had wanted to be a 'hero of justice'. Now… you just didn't want to see anymore corpses.

It was, like many things in life, something you wanted but didn't get.

Ayako… no longer looked angry, or even confused. She instead looks horrified, the exact reason you didn't want to tell her, or anyone else this. "I've known you for over five years and you've never mentioned this? I thought we were friends!"

You tilt your head. "What would being friends have to do with it, Ayako? I never told Sakura this, or Issei, Shinji or Gai. There was no reason to. What could I gain from it, pity? Remorse?"

"Sympathy, you dumb bastard," Ayako growls. "Why do you think you can just… bottle something up like that?!"

… "Why can't I?" you ask honestly. "Would you knowing this change anything? Would it bring people back?"

"No, but maybe if you had bothered to tell people your little… fucked up worldview wouldn't have come about. Your life isn't a fucking token at an arcade to be spent! And I'm your girlfriend, if you can tell anyone you could tell me!"

"And until a week ago we were only clubmates, and since then things have been rather hectic. What do you honestly know about me besides the fact that I'm a Magus and a member of the Archery Club?" you smile thinly once more. "Ayako… I do not seek sympathy, nor do I seek to make myself…" You pause, thinking of the right word. "Stand out. I don't feel the need to tell anyone much of anything. So I fear… there is little you know about m-"

"You always start with your meat at meals."

"... Pardon?"

"For how much people talk about your cooking skills, which I'm still waiting to try by the way. You're kind of picky. Meat first, then vegetables, and they can never touch while they are on your plate."

You blink slowly, process-

"You have this weird thing where when you try to figure something out, you insist on grabbing at it and staring at it from multiple angles. I always thought it was fucking weird, but you were always right so I dealt with it. Magic?"

"Yes bu-"

"And dear god were you easy to use." She reaches up to pinch at her nose, her voice, when she speaks again, sounds vaguely like Kaede. "Oooh, Shirou! Can you run by the corner store and pick up some milk for the club stall! We're out, I'll pay you back later~" She drops the hand, glaring at you. "You were always running about trying to help people, I would have had more pity for you if I hadn't known you would have never stopped, besides you pissed me the fuck off."

"How… h-howso?"

"Your never missing the target bullshit, used to drive Shinji and myself crazy. Every single fucking time, dead center, and you always looked so fucking bored about it. And you're a terrible liar too, always acting like you weren't bored."

"I… don't li-"

"Oh don't you fucking lie about lying, you have like five different tells depending on how innocent it is. And what really pisses me off is that your posture is all fucked up when you try and achieve zanshin, your pose is all wrong and you stick your ass out."

"You… were looking at my as-"

"Girls can like asses too dipshit!" she reaches up then to clamp your lips shut. "Shirou, I've seen you every fucking day of my life for five years. You don't get to act like I don't know you. So what I didn't know your fucking past, what does that have to do with the man standing in front of me? That whole… shit about you being worth nothing, bullshit. You're worth something to me so keep that in mind. And if you have the balls to die anyway, I'm sure the fucking twig can bring you back." She then releases your lips.

"I'm… also a Magus." You say after several moments. "Our worlds… they aren't meant to mix, it's too dangerous. It's the reason I never wanted you involved, or told anyone. It wouldn't help them, or you, or… really anyone by knowing. My father taught me, and he… made that very clear."

Ayako nods. "Neat, would have liked to meet him. Also I don't give a fuck."

You stare at her.

Ayako rolls her eyes. "You're Shirou before you are a wizard, or Magus, or whatever fucking made up word you want to use. And we've been friends for years. So, as a friend, not even as a girlfriend." She reaches up to grab you by the collar and yank you down to eye level. "If I ever hear you say that again, or if I sense you are thinking it. I'm going to kill you. Got it?"

"You'll kill me if I think about dying?"

Ayako shrugs again. "The stick will fix it." Then her other hand moves to grab Ruby, the stick in question having been nuzzling your neck just a moment prior. Ayako stares at the magical implement for a moment, then looks at you again. Without another word she pulls you down further, pressing her lips against your own. She separates less than a second later, her forehead pressed against yours. "I'm still fucking pissed by the way." Then she leans in again.

To even your own surprise, you meet her there first, pushing her down against the bed as your lips find her own. You each hold the kiss, neither wanting to end it, her hand moves to your back, yours to her hand wherein Ruby is wiggling like mad. You separate a short eternity later, for breath if nothing else, and the hand that had been on your back moves to cup your face.

"Shirou?"

"Ayako?"

Ayako swallows, suddenly looking rather nervous. "If… if this happens, it isn't out of fucking pity. It's because we're likely going to be both dead within a week."

"... Probably." You admit.

"So, if we do this," Ayako continues. "I want a nice fucking date, and we're basically bonded for life."

"You're proposing before our first date?" You point out.

"Oh like that is what's weird about this," you catgirl magical girlfriend asks.

You stare at each other for a moment longer, then you lean down at the same time she leans up. A second later Ruby is pitched out of the room screaming, the door slamming shut behind it.

—

No I'm not skipping the Tomboy Loving, that's next chapter. I owe you quite a bit of heartwarming lewds.

But for now, a POV vote. As other things are going on.

[] [Ophelia]
A princess escaped from a tower.

[] [Kirei]
A betrayal.

[] [Ritsuka]
A new plan. Help.