14th October
11:08 GMT -5
3:1 "I do not understand."
And here's where things get frustrating. "Which part of 'no' eludes your comprehension?"
3:2 "You are willing to mutilate yourself, but not ask the pardon of one who loves you and will forgive you anything. It is senseless."
"Okay. For a start, he isn't my god. I haven't gone to church since Zatanna wanted to stop in at one last year and I harangued the choir for making a mess of Good King Wenceslas. I haven't gone into one for devotional purposes for… I don't even know how long. I worship Eris, Hellenistic Goddess of Chaos. When I die, my soul will be judged by Hades, as advised by Aeacus."
3:3 "The Lord Most High takes no offence. He merely asks that you live a moral life, and strive always to turn away from vice."
"What happened to 'I am the Lord your God'?"
3:4 "Jesus Christ."
Okay, that's.. actually a reasonable answer. "Is there some sort of compensation I could pay instead?"
3:5 "Forgiveness cannot be bought or sold. It is not for the harm done to God that you must repent, for He is beyond all harm. It is for the harm done to you, in turning from the path of righteousness."
"I think that you and I have mutually incompatible ideas about what righteousness is. And anyway, I don't feel bad about it; I could say the words, but I'd be lying and I doubt that counts."
3:6 "I commend you for your honesty. Do you understand why theft is wrong?"
"Generally speaking, depriving people of the products of their labour without compensation discourages them from labouring in future and makes the person doing the stealing unproductive, since they merely parasitise on another."
3:7 "Do you feel then that the Lord of Hosts not personally labouring in the gardens undermines his claim to its fruit?"
"No." Heh. "Though that is an amusing image. I didn't know that Angels could joke."
He doesn't smile and he doesn't blink. 3:8 "It was not a joke. I am trying to understand your mindset, that I may better escort you back to the side of righteousness."
"No." Uh… "Maybe, a bit? A farmer labours because they need the food to eat and to trade for other necessities and luxuries. If the story of Genesis is remotely accurate then God has no need for the Trees at all. They're literally just there, doing no one any good."
3:9 "And you believe that your need was greater than God's commandment?"
"God's commandment doesn't apply to me. I'm not descended from Adam and Eve. Or.. any Human from this world. And, actually, yes. If Satanus wasn't reaching out to strike at Earth with all of the forces of Hell then I wouldn't be looking for better anti-Demon weapons. Why haven't Duma and Remiel stopped him?"
3:10 "I do not question the methods of the Most High. And while I understand that the beliefs of the pre-Christian Greeks made no mention of the Garden of Eden, you yourself have travelled it. Surely you now realise-."
"I don't know whether the Humans around here are all descended from them or not, though I rather doubt it. But I'm not." He doesn't immediately respond, though the compassionate gaze is starting to feel a little condescending. "Seriously. Parallel universe. Can you..? Tell when someone's lying to you?"
3:11 "Normally, I can weigh a being's spirit merely by looking at them. Though the magics you have woven about you are giving me difficulty."
"Fine." I move my spell eaters into subspace and float closer to him. "Come on. Hand on forehead, or.. whatever. Ignore the Snake."
He raises his right hand in benediction, then moves it towards me. His skin is utterly opaque; even this close I can't see veins or arteries under it, or any sign that he's not an animated marble statue. My environmental shield parts as he lightly presses against my forehead, letting me feel the wind for the first time since I flew up here. Chilly, but it shouldn't be a problem-.
Um. What's that?
Ring, scan-.
Zauriel lifts his hand away. 3:12 "You are telling the truth. Your nature is strange."
"I know." I drift back to my former position. "So, yes, trespassing and theft, but the aim was to create anti-Demon weaponry and I wasn't breaking any specific prohibition. Are we done now?"
3:13 "Not until you repent."
"But I was specifically trying to serve the greater good! I practice utilitarian ethics, not deontological ones! If you want me to repent, you'll have to demonstrate that there was a better way to achieve what I wanted to achieve which I might reasonably have known about. And if you do that? I will gladly repent and try and do that sort of thing in future. But I'm not going to ever repent for doing something that I couldn't have done any better!"
3:14 "I have been instructed to ensure that you repent, and I will not leave your side until you do."
Getting.. closer to dosing him with pomegranate seeds. As long as I take his heart out before his superiors find out that he knows how to evil he won't actually go to Hell when they cast him out…
No. No. I'm not doing that to someone whose only crime is to be slightly irritating. But having him following me around isn't acceptable. How do I get rid of him?
