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FanficSins Presents: EWW With This Ring
Chapter 1

FanficSins said:
Self-Insert fanfiction.
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My bed feels soft. Did I go to sleep on top of the duvet? Stars? Did I leave the blinds open? I try to turn to the clock, but there's just more stars? I wake up pretty much instantly at that point and OH SHIT THAT'S THE EARTH! I see the Earth and it's a long way away and I'm breathing? I bring my hands up to my face. No, no space suit. I see the Earth and I'm breathing and I'm not cold or hot and there's no space suit? I'm in space. What?

There's something glowing on my left hand. I don't wear rings but I now have one on my ring finger? It's orange. In fact, I'm orange. I'm glowing orange. I hold my hand up to my eyes and-



-AAAAaaaauuhhhh!?

Waking up floating in space without a spacesuit gets a reaction of mild curiosity instead of outright panic. The fact that he's glowing orange gets only a passing mention. But the ring on his finger? Hilarious anime-style overreaction!
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Bonus sin for the complete lack of yellow text in the entire first chapter.
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That's an orange power ring. I'm being kept alive in space by an orange power ring. Well I… I suppose I've never felt suicidal, so that much makes sense. I poke my other arm. Yes, definitely flesh, I haven't been turned into a construct. I don't seem to feel the overwhelming avarice that comes from the orange central power battery, so I guess this is one of the other rings? One of the ones that Larfleeze keeps in his cave? Does he know it's gone?

Ultra-fast adjustment to comicbooks being real, and everything that entails.
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Fucking stupid. It's Larfleeze. Of course he knows it's gone.

Alright. I'm calming down. As long as I want to remain alive, I will. I can probably fly by wanting to move. I want to move.

Did I move? I can't tell. I don't seem to have moved relative to the Earth, but the Earth is very big and I wasn't trying to move that far. I don't want to go anywhere in particular. I'm still wearing my pyjamas; I can't go out in public like this. Pyjamas?

He would have already seen what he was wearing when he saw that he was glowing orange earlier.
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I look down to check that I am still wearing pyjamas. Yep, with an added orange lantern corps emblem on the chest. Guess the ring just changes whatever I wear to something thematically appropriate? Shouldn't it have generated an actual uniform?

SI is going to be doing a lot of these for me, isn't he?
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I'm going to assume that that Earth isn't my Earth. If power rings actually existed and this one had come for me it would have found me in my bed. Unless I was dreaming about flying in space? I don't remember doing that and I don't remember seeing a ring choose a sleeping wearer in the comics. Would that work?

Why would a power ring select a sub-optimal wearer just because its first choice is unconscious? On any planet where anything sleeps, that eliminates something like a third of all Lantern candidates at any given time. It's not like there's anything about the selection process that requires the new Lantern be awake. Or, if it did, it's not like the ring couldn't just wake the person up.
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Huh. If that actually is DC Earth down there then I'm going to be the most out of shape Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Something happened. Everything's blurry. I think I'm standing on something, but I don't pay attention because everything hurts too much! My arms. My chest. My abdomen, my teeth, my eyes! How do eyes even hurt? They're watering and I'm blinking and gasping and all I can see is a creamy white colour and more black. I hug my arms to my chest and bend over. Oh, aagh, it's not just the pain, everything feels the wrong shape. The pain is being caused by something I can't fix. I don't want to-.

It seems like the ring wouldn't be able to make so many modifications unless it could find a way to make the experience something SI would want to go through. Later we find out he can't carry money because he doesn't feel like it holds any value. Does the value of being in shape emotionally outweigh the agony that the ring had to put him through to get there? Wouldn't the ring stop what it was doing as soon as he wanted to not be in horrible pain anymore? Or wouldn't it at least shut off his pain receptors or something?
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And it stops. My body still sort of tingles, like I've just gone from somewhere warm into somewhere cold and the veins in my skin are trying to decide whether to contract or not. But the pain is gone. My body still feels wrong though. I need to see-.

A thin orange line extends straight in front of me from the ring. At about four meters it stops and spreads right, as if someone was pouring liquid into a mould, only the mould is filling from the top left rather than the bottom. My first construct is a mirror. Sort of. Obviously it isn't reflecting anything, its making an image of what it would reflect. It actually has a construct frame with a bevelled edge and is about three meters by two in size.

Whow. I'm looking good.

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I've never been properly fat or anything, but I've never really taken to physical exercise and, well, no sense lying about it, I have been carrying a little weight about the stomach. Not any more. My arms are now about twice their earlier width. My shoulders are broader. My chest -I roll up my pyjama top- goodness, I have abs! I've never had abs! I run a hand over them. Huh, those don't feel like I was expecting. My chest hair is gone -wait, check- along with most of my other body hair. That feels weird. Feels kind of sticky. My face -the mirror shrinks and moves closer- is pretty much the same. My nose is a little straighter and if I can see this clearly my short sightedness has been fixed. No visible hair on my chin. Skin clarity appears to have improved. The hair on the top of my head is shorter. Looks like something Hugh Grant had in his prime, but longer at the back. Not sure how it's staying where it is. It should be flopping all over the place. Teeth are improved as well. Evenly sized, shaped and in good condition. I think I also look younger? Maybe, it's hard to tell when the image is orange.

So, Paul is in his mid-twenties. The reflection is good enough that he can tell his skin has cleared up, but he can't actually tell if he looks younger or not. Later, he'll convincingly pass for eighteen years old, and some people believe he's even younger than that. That's a wide-ass range of ages he can pass as. The author could've easily explained this by saying the ring updates his appearance as his values of beauty change. But as is it's some bullshit.
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I wave my hand and the construct dissipates. And that's when I realise that I'm STANDING ON THE MOON. Grey dust and rock all around and the Earth is visible in the sky. It's too much. I'm in a place only a handful of humans have ever been and my response is to drop to the ground, staring at the sky.

Did he have any particular want to go to the moon? Or did the ring just take him to the nearest landmass? And if either of those, why? What makes the moon so much more special than outer space?
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I'm sitting on the moon watching the Earth. I think the ring just rebuilt my body based on how I ideally want to look. Which really hurt. It must have been transmuting new muscle from existing fat. Or maybe even just making more meat from orange power? Should I feel bad about that? Doesn't everyone want to look a bit better than they do?

Shit. This isn't a dream. I never feel pain in dreams. And not enough is going on. I'm actually here and I have to deal with it.

Plan. Plan plan plan plan. Okay, first. Check that this isn't my Earth. I need to go home to do that. If there's another me here it's going to be weird, but I'm a fairly reasonable guy. DC comics don't really show much outside the US so I don't know if the places I've lived in will actually be there if I've somehow entered a comic reality. I can't plan anything else until I know where I am.

The author perfectly sets up an awesome plotline about the native Earth's Paul and all the problems that come with a copy of yourself becoming a public superhero, but that idea never goes anywhere.
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Now, how do I get there?

I stand back up. I go to brush off my legs because the dirt has coated everything it touched. Then I remember I'm wearing a power ring and I like being clean. A ring of orange passes over my body and the dust falls slowly away. As the ring reaches my feet I float a little off the ground. No sense getting dirty again just after cleaning myself. Now that's done, how to get to Earth? I have to want it to happen but I'm mostly just feeling apprehension about what I'll find when I get there.

SI wastes ring charge cleaning himself before he even knows what universe he's in.
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Anal retentiveness to the rescue!

It's late at night and I have to be up for work tomorrow. I need to get to sleep and the best place for that is in bed! On Earth! If I don't then my schedule will be completely messed up. It's working! My need for regularity is controlling the flight!

How about the need for seeing another human being again sometime during his lifespan? Or the need for watching that Doctor Who finale everyone's been talking about? Or the need for tacos? There are a lot of needs he could have chosen that can only be fulfilled on earth. I guess I'm just saying it's interesting that schedule regularity is the one he went with.
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Now to find somewhere familiar and see if it exists.

Chapter: 15
Total: 15
 
Huh. Does this mean Secret is floating around somewhere?

Yes and no. Unlike the comics the YJ incarnation of Secret is just a garden variety ghost, not a psycho-pomp. She and Harm were the A-Plot of the First Season Halloween Episode. In the comics, Harm sacrificed her as part of a deal with Demons and was her foster sibling. In the show, Harm killed her because she was the only thing he cared about, and he wanted a pure heart (of evil) so that he could wield the Sword of Beowulf.
 
Huh. Does this mean Secret is floating around somewhere?
That seems likely, since she faded after he was defeated in the cartoon.

Ooh, Secret joining the team would be great.
By herself, yes. OTOH, if it means that Harm will keep showing up, that's not so great. Either way, I really think she'd rather go to whatever heaven she believes in, but maybe she'd enjoy hanging out with The Team, or perhaps with Billy, Mary, and Freddy.
 
Anyone else get the impression that the rest of the team has not been assigned to random other leaguers but are instead being questioned about OL. Or at the very least, put OL somewhere far away, wait for something to distract him, then bring everyone else in for questioning. Batman could well be on to him. The alternative is everything going to plan, and I dont think that is likely.
 
Anyone else get the impression that the rest of the team has not been assigned to random other leaguers but are instead being questioned about OL. Or at the very least, put OL somewhere far away, wait for something to distract him, then bring everyone else in for questioning. Batman could well be on to him. The alternative is everything going to plan, and I dont think that is likely.
Well, the issue here is that if Nabu finds out about OL plotting to kill/imprison him, he's going to respond with immediate lethal force, and any Leaguer who gets in his way will, at best, be shoved into Fantasy Gitmo along with all those mages Nabu's taken prisoner/shelved for possible use as backup bodies when his current one wears out.
 
Might also be best to put them in spoilers so that they don't appear as a wall of text in the middle of the threads.
 
This is a great idea and I would love to see more, but if you are planning to do one for every chapter you're going to be doing this for a loooong time.

In order to do them all, we'd have to do more than one every single day. We're not doing that. Two or three more might filter out, if he's in the mood. But I'm not committing. Alex does sometimes take requests, but he does require the author's expressed permission.
 
It was mentioned by Mr Zoat, just not in-story. Harm ended up Harmed when he tried melee combat with a Dannered Artemis; the incident was much shorter and one sided than in canon.
Think it was mentioned in passing in story.
Although I suppose Zoat could always go with the cartoon and have energy blasts be a normal tamaranean trait, we'll just have to wait and see about that.
I believe he's said that Tamaranians will only have flight as an innate ability, while the rest of Starfire's powers will come from the Psions. Could be misremembering, or he may have changed his mind.
That said, the idea of a Mageslayer beanbag round is an interesting one.
I think firing a Mageslayer at a velocity that isn't large enough to physically destroy the round upon impact would work.
Thank me, corrected.
You didn't capitalize your own name.
FanficSins Presents: EWW With This Ring
Chapter 1
In true CinemaSins fashion, you should also include criticisms that are near immediately addressed in the story.
By herself, yes. OTOH, if it means that Harm will keep showing up, that's not so great.
Harm didn't seem particularly resourceful to me. If he gets thrown in jail, he's not getting out.
Without the distortion created by atmosphere, stars don't look like stars as we typically think of them. Unless you live in space.

0/10, would not recommend, SoD broken within moments.
They wouldn't twinkle, yes, but they would still look basically the same right? We have optical telescopes operating in our atmosphere. Usually as high up as possible to minimize distortion, but I don't think human eyes are sensitive enough to notice anything other than the lack of twinkling.
 
They wouldn't twinkle, yes, but they would still look basically the same right? We have optical telescopes operating in our atmosphere. Usually as high up as possible to minimize distortion, but I don't think human eyes are sensitive enough to notice anything other than the lack of twinkling.
Yeah, they mostly look like little points of light, without that romantic twinkle.

Just... cold, long dead light. Zombie light.
 
Aliens have been shown becoming Gods and demigods. Is just that the comics are ya know, made by humans for humans?

By the way how they did justify so many humans getting the grennies power ring?

Humans are special, basically, so vague non answer.

However since the Guardians know the White Light Entity is on Earth, one could easily come to the conclusion that they were giving Earth extra cannon fodder waiting for Blackest Night.

I'm now picturing the Oans trying to convince the White Light Entity to move to Sector 1287. :)

I imagine that has got to be the safest sector in the entire universe, having billions of green lanterns.

And one of the stories that shows what the Guardians think of their lanterns. A thousand years of service, you'd think he'd get a cake and an ironically gold watch, yes? Nope, the cake was a lie.

His retirement party is being eaten alive.

Harm didn't seem particularly resourceful to me. If he gets thrown in jail, he's not getting out.

While in the cartoon Harm was basically just a smug jackass, in the comics, he was apparently both a gadgeteer and an occultist. So I wouldn't be surprised if Harm proves to have a better showing this second time around.
 
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Undermined (part 8)
18th June
10:18 GMT -6


A dragon talon construct grabs the front end of the caterpillar and shoves, bending its segmented body into a 'U' as it vomits. The blob of green slime slams into another section of wall and begins dissolving it.

"Harm?"

The man smiles. There are three red tattoos over the left side of his face, designed to look like a bleeding slash from some animal's claws. "Harm is pleased that It knows who Harm is."

"It's a funny name for a Caterpillar, but who am I-" The Caterpillar bucks and writhes, but my construct's grip remains strong. "-to judge?" Strange creature looking like a large Caterpillar and spitting solvent? Ring, anything in the database?

No good match found.

Probably demonic. It was a bit much to hope that Devil Jizz was just going to go away. I have a filament pick up my rune stone and float it over.

"Harm believes that It misunderstands. Harm is-."

"William Hayes. The chap who stole the Sword of Beowulf and got beaten by Artemis in under a minute. How are the ribs? And the shoulder?" The rune stone glows. "I seem to remember that they were horribly crushed."

Mister Hol is staring directly at Mister Hayes. "Orange Lantern, can you handle this man?"

"Him and… About fifteen copies of him. Why?"

"My home has numerous security devices. They have not activated. And Shayera does not usually take this long in the shower."

Mister Hayes smiles. "Harm has used his time wisely and learned a lesson on the subject of teamwork."

"It's fine, sir. I've got this."

Mister Hol backs away, mace at the ready until he reaches the door and leaves the room. Right then. See if I can get some useful information out of this idiot.

"So… Burning pentagram. I guess that makes you Sabbac Three. Congratulations on keeping your appearance Human."

"Harm is not concerned with Its opinion of Harm's appearance."

"Really? Because if you weren't a psychopathic murderer and… Maybe lost the tattoos..?" And I'm not even joking. He's a… Nice looking chap. And… Confident in his physical presence.

Kind of like if… Jade was male…

I take a half-second to check my Spell Eater.

"Harm understands that his masculine beauty can be somewhat overwhelming, but Harm does not dally with prey."

"Yeah, it probably wouldn't work. So. What are you and the Caterpillar here for?" He opens his mouth to respond. "Oh and… Thanks for clearing up who was behind the Devil Jizz." I shake my head. "I honestly hadn't worked that out. Satanus. Should have… Realised."

He sneers. "Harm does not use simple narcotics. Harm has found a purer method for channelling the power of evil."

"That's kind of impressive, actually. Usually it takes years to learn magic well enough to cast anything worthwhile."

"Harm is nothing if not dedicated." The Caterpillar wiggles its legs in his direction, drawing his attention. His eyes narrow slightly. "Some of Harm's followers are less dedicated. This is not something which Harm is prepared to tolerate."

What does-? My armour appears around me from subspace, construct armour appearing around both me and the Caterpillar. Just a little too slowly. Harm's right hand blurs and a huge gash appears in the Caterpillar's torso, corrosive Demon goop pouring out. Right, Sabbac, speedster.

Accelerated Perception.

I have no way to heal the Caterpillar in its current form. To repair it I'd need to return it to Human form. Sadly, the only anti-magic weapons I have on me at the moment are Mageslayer railgun rounds. I manifest ten from subspace on the inside of the construct armour that has just formed around most of its body and shove them inward. It begins deflating almost immediately.

Mister Hayes has already thrown a blob of goop at me. Assuming that the goop is as solventy as the vomit- Yes, the construct armour I put over the Caterpillar's injury has been dissolved. -then it will pierce my construct armour and probably my power armour with little difficulty.

Railgun, load Mageslayers.

A thick lead sheet appears out of subspace directly in front of my face a relative second before the blob hits, bubbling and dripping as the demonic gunk gets to work. A ring scan of my surroundings shows Mister Hayes picking up and flinging goop, what's left of his gloves burning and his hands smouldering. I transition left, towards the demonically enchanted pieces of metal still on the table. Goop sails past and strikes various pieces of equipment across the room as I send my research materials into subspace.

The Caterpillar has shrivelled significantly. It doesn't look Human yet, but- Mister Hayes tries to stick his right hand into its wound, then jerks his hand back with a scowl. -it looks like he can't get any more goop. What he's already thrown is busy eating through things and in doing so becoming neutralised. Mister Hayes glares at me, opens his mouth and exhales a cone of black/red fire. I transition right to avoid it, firing my railgun construct at his centre of mass.

The former Caterpillar has now shrunk to little over normal Human size and the construct armour has shrunk along with… Her, as it turns out. With no more acid goop coming from the wound in her left side the armour now encompasses the whole of her body. Mister Hayes grabs it and swings it to intercept the Mageslayer round. At the comparatively low power I'm firing the construct armour I created is easily capable of absorbing the shot and isn't vulnerable to the magic nullification effect.

Of course, if I don't hit the brain…

I dial up the power and fire again, once more aiming for his centre of mass. He moves the Jizzer to block, putting her upper right torso in the path of the shot with a cruel grin.

I drop the construct armour front and back.

The material the Mageslayer is made of doesn't penetrate armour particularly well. Sure, with sufficient velocity all things become possible, but the spells bound to it won't last. But in this case all that intervenes is weak Human flesh and bone, not even enough magic left to trigger the spell. Her body jerks and in my accelerated state I can see the shockwave pass through her body and the burst as flesh and bone fragments explode from her back.

Mister Hayes takes the rest of the shot directly in the centre of his chest, flying backwards with the pentagram on his chest flickering. I transition forwards, firing at his centre of mass again while I frantically try and knit back together the flesh of his Jizzer companion. Brain is… In less than stellar condition. Drug use, by the looks of things. Blood loss and shockwave damage aren't healthy but as I thought they are manageable.

The second shot strikes Mister Hayes directly on the pentagram, slamming him into the floor and leaving a crater. The pentagram is almost extinguished at this point and the Jizzer's body is knitting back together nicely. Manacle constructs flow around his body, orange light battering at whatever remains of his Asmodeus-granted exotic attack resistance. Hm. Based on what the First did, the spells on him should maintain a constant link to the caster.

Rings… Assimilate the spell.

Unable to comply. Energy not compatible.

I summon three Praexis Demons and desire them to swim along the bonds of arcane energy-.

The pentagram fizzles out.

Something is happening with Mister Hayes, but he's not-. I'm still accelerated. I drop back to normal speed. He's shuddering, gasping and choking. Can't see anything physically wrong-.

There aren't any colours. He isn't feeling anything. His brain… Looks like it's ticking over, but his connection to the emotional spectrum is gone.

Whatever spell turned him into Sabbac… It tore out his soul as well.
 
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Ah he maxed out his relationship with John Constantine and earned his companion perk.

It takes a crap load of money, gifts and a quest or too but it makes fighting people like Sabac sooo much easier.
 
Of course, if I don't hit the brain…

I dial up the power and fire again, once more aiming for his centre of mass. He moves the Jizzer to block, putting her upper right torso in the path of the shot with a cruel grin.

I drop the construct armour front and back.

The material the Mageslayer is made of doesn't penetrate armour particularly well. Sure, with sufficient velocity all things become possible, but the spells bound to it won't last. But in this case all that intervenes is weak Human flesh and bone, not even enough magic left to trigger the spell. Her body jerks and in my accelerated state I can see the shockwave pass through her body and the burst as flesh and bone fragments explode from her back.

... god damn. see when renegade does shit like this everyone sees it coming, when mr cut a deal does it everyone is caught of guard, it's like Gandhi bitch slapping someone. I mean it makes sense if you turn off your squeamishness and think in end results, but holy shit I can see why Sabbac did not see that coming.

Something is happening with Mister Hayes, but he's not-. I'm still accelerated. I drop back to normal speed. He's shuddering, gasping and choking. Can't see anything physically wrong-.

There aren't any colours. He isn't feeling anything. His brain… Looks like it's ticking over, but his connection to the emotional spectrum is gone.

Whatever spell turned him into Sabbac… It tore out his soul as well.

awww, I liked that sabbac. He was funny. Though just because his boss ripped out his soul doesn't mean he's out of the game. If his boss finds him useful he'll likely be back sooner or later.
 
Well, that was a very Orange way of dealing with a human shield.

Typos:

"Harm is please that It knows who Harm is."
"pleased"

"Harm is not concerned with Its opinion of Harms appearance."
"Harm's"

A ring scan of my surroundings shows Mister Hayes picking up and flinging goop, what's left of his gloves burn and his hands smouldering.
"burning"

Blood loss and shockwave damage aren't healthy but as I though they are manageable.
"thought"
 
There aren't any colours. He isn't feeling anything. His brain… Looks like it's ticking over, but his connection to the emotional spectrum is gone.

Whatever spell turned him into Sabbac… It tore out his soul as well.

Couldn't have happened to a better person.

Because, you know, a better person wouldn't explicitly study demon magic so they can channel the powers of evil.
 
So the various Sabbacs are lasting ever shorter periods of time before being taken down. I don't know about about the first one, but he seemed to have lasted a little while. The second stuck around long enough to invade Fawcett City, but not much else. Number three might not even make the state news, given he seems to have done barely more than property damage.

Is the next one going to die before the lightning hits him for the Sabbac transformation?
 
The "energy not compatible" thing is VERY interesting / strange. I mean, OL can obviously assimilate demons, which are made out of hell's energies entirely, as shown by Praexis demons and Hellshades he got. Are they using blacklight / antilife or something? I mean, those I can see being not assimilable.
 
animal's claws. "Harm is please that It knows who Harm is."
pleased that
I have a filament pick up my rune stone float it over.
stone and float it
I summon three Praexis Demons and desire them to swim along the bonds or arcane energy-.
bonds of arcane
Human shields kinda fall flat as a protection method when the one attacking you either:
a) doesn't care about killing random civilians
b) can heal them of whatever they hit the poor person with before they expire

Sadly, Harm encountered the second when he went up against OL.
 
The "energy not compatible" thing is VERY interesting / strange. I mean, OL can obviously assimilate demons, which are made out of hell's energies entirely, as shown by Praexis demons and Hellshades he got. Are they using blacklight / antilife or something? I mean, those I can see being not assimilable.

Well... it's possible that Harm's magic can't be assimilated because there's no avarice in it. I mean, the Praxis demons clearly want to eat stuff and the Hellshades probably have desires. I'm not sure how how things work with this Harm, but the one in the show killed his sister as a way to make his heart pure evil (in a magical sense so that he can wield the sword of Beowolf, I think). Maybe that purity somehow messes with how it interacts with the emotional spectrum.
 
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