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Normally Zoat's various writing quirks don't bother me, but I have to say that this insistence on almost never stating who the speaker is makes understanding character and dialogue-heavy chapters a chore rather than a delight.
Other than the evil martian at the end (which I think was Mal), I have no idea who said any of the other lines.

So yes, I very much agree.


Also, hard to keep track of everyone. M'gann and Teekl and Kon and the Bioship (their bioship, right?) are all involved, but we know them so they aren't the main problem. Then we have Karmang and his servant (that's Zunn, right?), and Zunn's fake identity and Mal's family and Mal and original flavour Mal and Fluxus and M'yri'ah and the Assembly of Minds and K'hymie and her mother ... that's a LOT of new characters to keep track of. There are those we're just getting introduced here, those that were just introduced, those that had a different identity earlier but revealed their true face, and the ones that are talked about but aren't present... And apparently there are also civilians. Oh, and the Hyperclan may be involved, and some of them may be there right now.

Yeah... I'm lost.


EDIT: I don't mind that we don't get what's really going when OL doesn't either. But I think the many new characters appearing at once and the scene being so chaotic (really not clear on who is where) and the lines of dialog not being attributed add more confusion than strictly necessary.
I still Liked the update. I'm expecting that once the arc is over and I get what's going on, I can go back, read this update, and understand what happens.
 
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[Q
Bluntly speaking, they did execute him. He was only alive in the sense that his physical body survived and now had a new occupant.

It's not their fault that someone was carrying around a back up mindstate of the guy and apparently decided to plug it back in.

again, they should have EXECUTED him,regardless of the excuses involved, though i freely admit that hindsight, especially from our information privileged POV is 20/20...
the reason i feel so strongly on this, is because this incident has shown that the method they used on their WORST, most dangerous criminals is REVERSIBLE, and knowledge of that WILL get out unless they are INCREDIBLY LUCKY.

and thus anyone ELSE willing to commit crimes warranting this specific punishment will know it is possible to INTENTIONALLY set up a contingency plan in case they get Blank-slated >.>

basically this means that there is a chance of martin Society being FULL of Ticking timebombs, or at least enough to prove extremely damaging, with almost no way of telling which ones are "duds", and which are still "live"
like Napier, he should have "fallen down the stairs"

*edit* my personal stance on Capitol punishment is that, in the majority of cases, there are enough false convictions to take it off the table COMPLETELY, but when you have a serial killer/psychotic killer, and 100% solid evidence....
 
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Bluntly speaking, they did execute him. He was only alive in the sense that his physical body survived and now had a new occupant.

It's not their fault that someone was carrying around a back up mindstate of the guy and apparently decided to plug it back in.
In a world with demonstrable afterlives, they may have done worse than execute him. Well, it might not apply to Martians if they don't have an afterlife, but OL hasn't noted that M'gann doesn't have a soul, so I'm inclined to think they do persist after death.

Actually, that might have been part of the mechanism that allowed Ma'al to come back; there's no way he was just transmitting his entire mind state while K'hym was around, so maybe his soul had a locked away copy that took over when whatever happened unleashed the original Ma'al. The dreams might have been the boundaries breaking down between his old and new personalities.
 
It just reminded me of Death Note, you know? Guy loses his memories of being an evil bastard, goes through all sorts of life experience and character development. Asks himself the same questions, goes down the same road, decides to choose a higher path and become a better person, but the very second, nay, the very instant they get their memories back... boom; instant evil laughter. It's just depressing.
To be fair: In both of these cases, the evil bastard is a LOT older. The original personality has had more years to grow in strength, and the substrate of the body (especially the brain) was grown with its influence directly upon it. The reformed personality, on the other hand, is by definition incomplete -- SOMETHING was removed from it. It has had less time to grow, and it's not reinforced by years of physical development.

There's also the fact that the memories weren't just unlocked, to be contemplated and meditated upon by the new personality. In both cases they were explicitly brought into conscious awareness. It's like a PTSD flashback -- it's IMMEDIATELY reliving some of the most intense episodes of the evil bastard's past. And with the personality aspects of the evil part no longer being repressed, the old habits have no resistance to sliding back into place. In fact, coming to the realization that part of you was tampered with is a good reason to get upset; in Ma'al's case, he would even be remembering his own sentencing, so he realizes he's triumphed over those who would stop him.

the reason i feel so strongly on this, is because this incident has shown that the method they used on their WORST, most dangerous criminals is REVERSIBLE, and knowledge of that WILL get out unless they are INCREDIBLY LUCKY.
Zoat already said that this incident is highly likely to cause changes in procedure.
 
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**Not reached that part of your education yet, M'gann? Yes, you see, they don't limit themselves to editingd the minds of uppity members of the underclass. The 'Uncle Ma'al' you met was a complete fabrication of theirs, an attempt to make that crippled thing pay off my debt to society.**

this is from the Story Only thread. The part I bolded.

' editing '
 
I mean, Witness as probation officer is bad enough, but "witness who is also daughter of victim" is so much worse.
I wonder how much the ideas of "witness" and "victim" even mean in a society that literally has a photocopy machine for memory, sensation, emotional impact, and experience built in to everyone. The mere act of **talking** about the crime makes the person you're talking to become both witness and victim.
 
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In the spirit of the most recent update, I've decided to remind Jamie Roberts that I stabbed their pet rabbit, wore it as a hat, and then wiped their memory.

I hope that didn't cause any latent homicidal behavior or resentment...
 
In the spirit of the most recent update, I've decided to remind Jamie Roberts that I stabbed their pet rabbit, wore it as a hat, and then wiped their memory.

I hope that didn't cause any latent homicidal behavior or resentment...
You wiped the Rabbit's memory? Does that mean you left it at a vets after setting up a chain of events for Jamie to find her rabbit at said vets and the went off in your cackling squiddy ways to maim and then memory wipe more pets? The actions of the deep are indeed mysterious.
 
In the spirit of the most recent update, I've decided to remind Jamie Roberts that I stabbed their pet rabbit, wore it as a hat, and then wiped their memory.

I hope that didn't cause any latent homicidal behavior or resentment...

If Jamie would even be annoyed by that, I would assume it's because she intended to stab the rabbit, but you got to it first.
 
they ARE squeamish.
THEY LET HIM LIVE >.>
You have a very strange definition of "live".
A point of fact, the particular person was not, in fact, alive, during the time period you refer to. They were resurrected, and there is NO reliable way to permakill someone in DC.

Hope is the evil that men hold to their chests and call "Good".
I don't understand that. I'm getting worse.
"to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true" is the
"Morally inacceptable causing of harm, discomfort, or injury" that
"Members of the species Homo Sapiens" hold to their chests and call
"of high, favorable, commendable quality".

So... hope is a harmful thing that's considered desirable, as a mental state?
Yet, certain types of optimism can be called "the winning attitude", but then again, I don't think the golden mean is really Jamie's thing.

How do you human, again?
 
Had to reread twice to realize who is speaking alot. :/ Please some indication of who is who would be nice.

Yes. While I can understand not wanting to use ", said Character X", Zoat should really spread more landmarks of identities of speakers around the text for orientation.

I would pair dialogue with stating something about the speaker to indicate identity every once in a while, especially if someone speaks for the first time in the current part.

Like this:

"Dialogue text from Character X." Description sentence about some concurrent action, gesture or appearance of Character X in the same paragraph.

"I don't like this." Robin crosses his arms.

"I'm loving this!" At least Wallace is still exited.
 
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Demeanour (part 24)
21st April
14:27 GMT -5


No!

Praexis Demons swarm out of the rings as I push myself up, relying more on the armour's synthetic muscles than on my own strength or -for once- the rings themselves. Kon blasts past me in a curving arc that should terminate with him slamming directly into Ma'alefa'ak, outpacing the Demons. Was he less affected because he was further away, or has he really been focusing on his telepathic resistance training while I haven't been looking?

**GahaAAAAAAHH!**

Ma'alefa'ak's left hand has grown into some sort of mass of tentacles, completely enveloping K'hym's head. The remaining Hyperclan member… Fluxus, has his right hand up guiding his telekinesis in holding my enraged Construct-Cat in place.

**Let her go, now.**

**Or you'll what? With another twenty or thirty years' experience you might actually be a threat to me, M'gann.** Railgun, mageslayers. **But AS THINGS STAND-**

G-guh…

**-you just don't have what it takes.**

My railgun construct is gone, and Kon's leap turns into a tumble as he loses control in mid air. Fluxus takes the opportunity to hurl Teekl at him.

**Ma'alefa'ak, if you want to torture her so much then bring her with you. The patrol ship will be here-.**

**Yes, it will. I look forward to it. I used to crew one. You'd be surprised how often the crew scrimp on their telepathic skills, thinking unification and augmentation technology will protect them. Fortunately, little K'hymie knows everything about their systems. She was thinking of applying to join.** He shakes her around a little. **If you like, I'll let you wat-.** He blinks, his right hand going to his forehead. **-ch. What are you looking for, M'gann? Your doting Uncle Ma'al? Shunned by all for crimes he couldn't remember committing? I'm afraid he's not home any longer.**

Okay, complete block. Psi-baffle constructs. Dismiss the rest, they're clearly not using brute physical force. And up. Railgun. Ma'alefa'ak has floated a little closer to M'gann and I can only assume that there's some sort of telepathic fight going on. Fluxus uses another telekinetic shove to knock Kon back while shooting his arms at the incoming wave of Praexis Demons. They're elastic but incredibly strong. When M'gann tries that she loses most of her strength. Presumably improved physical abilities is his enhancement. Mageslayer.

Teekl makes another run at Fluxus. He makes eye contact with her, then takes a step back as she keeps coming anyway. Agh, should have told her that phasing dodges telekinesis, I don't think it's come up before. Another step back and his skin sprouts hundreds of razor sharp spines which gleam faintly in the Martian sunlight. Telekinetically enhanced? Could be.

I point the railgun at his centre of mass and fire.

I feel the hum through the armour more than I hear it. The sheer disgust at the situation unfolding in front of me propels the round far faster than usual, and pressed from all sides as he is Fluxus doesn't get any time to react. It hits him in what would be the left side of his ribs if he were Human, though I'm not sure what role it serves with his current body set up. Spines fracture and fall away as he's knocked into the air, flying in slow motion away from the point of impact.

The other grey spines are staying, so either the magic is extremely strong or it had an effect on him but has since dissipated. Hopefully that means that he can't retreat in a cloud of arcane smoke any longer. Keeping him alive would be ideal but he can afford to lose a little mass. Kon's back into the fight, grabbing and shoving Praexis Demons back to both propel himself forwards and change his angle of attack.

Crumbler round. Fire.

I think the shot caught a spike before it could hit his main body of mass. It still manages to trigger, carving out a hemisphere in the front of his armour. He's seeping some sort of fluid… Can't really tell what, doesn't look like M'gann's blood. Then Kon hits him like a rocket, knife… Wait, an x-ionised metal knife? Guess he really.. has been paying attention. Another set of spines are sliced from Fluxus' body, then Kon goes for a grapple. Tricky proposition with Martians, but if he can't focus well enough to shapeshift out of it then it shouldn't be too hard to choke him in air this thin.

M'gann and Ma'alefa'ak both look staggered. K'hym's being dragged along for the ride as Ma'alefa'ak appears to lose confidence in his telepathic powers and lunges forwards before being brought to a sudden halt. M'gann's outline twists and melts as she adopts her Star Conqueror form and his eyes widen.

Okay. Railgun, crumbler. His secondary personality may still be salvageable so I'd rather not kill him. Target the tentacle arm and f-.

His head twists in my direction and the sand between us ripples as some sort of energy wave heads in my direction. I recreate my orange overshield and send crampons down into the Martian soil, bracing myself for g-gruh! It's like I'm.. being shaken apart, even through the construct barrier! Ring, focus on fixing the damage-.

Ma'alefa'ak freezes in place, his eyes widening. The tentacles around K'hym's face unwind and she drops to the ground. Okay, good, M'gann's got that. Ring, how am I doing?

Physical damage repaired to pre-fight level. Mental damage repaired.

Mental damage?

Telepathic attacks by Ma'alefa'ak caused minor damage to schematic patterns. These have been restored in accordance with pre-fight scans.

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, shoot, K'hym's suffocating. I fire a filament at her and extend my environmental shield around her. Physically, I can't see anything wrong with her. Patrol boat should have a medic, shouldn't it? Hope so. Ring, check armour?

Armour repaired.

I push myself up, then activate the armour's flight system and head towards M'gann. She's still in Star Conqueror mode while Ma'alefa'ak's fallen to the ground in a foetal position. Kon is hauling the recumbent Fluxus over towards her… Right. I accelerate, then throw up an airtight dome construct around us. Normally I'd repair the building, but I'm really not sure how Martian techno-organic buildings would respond to that sort of treatment.

Kon's eyes flick to the dome as it appears, then he focuses his attention on M'gann. "M'gann? Are you okay?"

"Nguh… Ah… Ah…"

Star M'gann remains floating in the air above her uncle for a moment, then shifts back into her humanoid form. "Oh, Uncle Ma'al."

"M'gann?"

"I don't know, Conner." She looks miserable. "Uncle Ma'al…"

His head suddenly jerks up, hands clutching his head. "Get it out! Get it out of my heaaaad!"

M'gann raises her right hand. "Sleep."

Ma'alefa'ak collapses again, motionless.

"What exactly happened?" Kon checks Fluxus over once more before dropping him on the ground. I generate a construct bier for K'hym and place her upon it. "One minute we were just having breakfast, and then… He just went crazy."

"I don't know yet." M'gann's eyes glow as she holds her right hand over Fluxus' forehead. "He's a member of the Hyperclan. He… His mind has been altered. He thinks his name is Fluxus Z'orr."

"First name doesn't sound very Martian."

"It's not." Her eyes stop glowing and she straightens up. "Either that, or it's very old. But Z'orr isn't a family name. It's… Z'onn Z'orr is a place, a mythical place. He thinks he's the child of a myth."

"Is this one of those myths that's actually a myth, or one that's actually true?" I think for a moment. "And is someone called 'Karmang' associated with this myth?"

"I hope it's not true. Because if it is… Mars is in a lot of trouble."
 
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Ok Ma'alefa'ak subdued, K'hym rescued, and Fluxus captured so some info can be hopefully gathered.

Not the worst result.
"It's not." Her eyes stop glowing and she straightens up. "Either that, or it's very old. But Z'orr isn't a family name. It's… Z'onn Z'orr is a place, a mythical place. He thinks he's the child of a myth."

"Is this one of those myths that's actually a myth, or one that's actually true." I think for a moment. "And is someone called 'Karmang' associated with this myth?"

"I hope it's not true. Because if it is… Mars is in a lot of trouble."
Yeah, seems like OL will be helping the Martain people sooner and with more serious stuff than he thought he would end up dealing with when he arrived.
 
Ok Ma'alefa'ak subdued, K'hym rescued, and Fluxus captured so some info can be hopefully gathered.

Not the worst result.

Yeah, seems like OL will be helping the Martain people sooner and with more serious stuff than he thought he would end up dealing with when he arrived.
I wouldn't be so sure. There's only two chapters left this episode. So either the problem will be easy to sort out, or our intrepid Ring Slinger will be returning in the future to handle it.
 
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