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Transposition, or: Ship Happens [Worm/Aoki Hagane no Arpeggio | Arpeggio of Blue Steel]

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ensou said:
So, I fucked up.

laughs

It's not really a big problem, more just annoying than anything else. I wouldn't have even known had someone over on AFHB's thread corrected me.

Basically, I got the date for the bank robbery wrong. It's Thursday, not Wednesday. Somehow, I've even got it in my notes as Wednesday, which should have been something I caught as I was doing background research. It's been a while since I've read those first arcs of canon, and I try to use a timeline, but apparently I didn't catch this.

Now, I try to keep my stories as realistic as possible, at least in terms of character interaction and branching off from canon. So, there's two options here: keep everything the way it is. Have the robbery on Wednesday. Pros: no editing. Cons: Things don't really make sense anymore. Panacea wouldn't be at the bank because she was getting money for her double date with her sister, which is on Thursday.

There's also the fact that I really dislike the thought of crying 'Butterflies!' when that's a really cheap excuse, and not even one that makes much sense for this.

So, option two: Edit. What would that involve? Surprisingly little. Vista's mention of the robbery in 1.5 would disappear, as well as the blurb at the top of her interlude. The biggest change would be the dinner scene with her mother and stepfather, as it would no longer be able to reference the bank robbery. A solution might be to extend the interlude, making the second half have another reflection on the robbery at home mirroring the first half, and Vista's thoughts on what might have happened had Taylor been involved, leading into the dinner scene.

Pros of editing: Some future events (as well as the new second half of 2.2) make a non-trivial degree more sense with the robbery happening on Thursday. Taylor can be annoyed at having missed it even though she'd intentionally skipped school and just hung around the boardwalk.

So, thoughts? I'm currently leaning towards doing those minor edits, since they're fairly painless.
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Edit it. The longer it stays unedited the more it could mess up future continuity, seeing as a lot of character interactions later seem to hinge on the bank job in some way.
 
EDIT! IF the changes don't really take up too much time and would help maintain the continuity, I see no reason not to do them.
 
Alright. Minor edits have been made. I'll work on the second half of the Vista interlude... sometime. When I get the inspiration and figure out what should be done there. >.>
Probably after 2.2.2 and the next chapter of Orphan get released. But probably before Deathwing gets finished, though, since that's getting long.
 
ensou said:
Panacea wouldn't be at the bank because she was getting money for her double date with her sister, which is on Thursday.

There's also the fact that I really dislike the thought of crying 'Butterflies!' when that's a really cheap excuse, and not even one that makes much sense for this.
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Um... it's somehow impossible for Dean to remind Amy one day early, and for Amy to decide to take a stroll instead of procrastinating on cash withdrawal?
Stochasticity (chaos) is a thing...
 
I think you're overthinking this. You could edit it back, but what's the harm in keeping it as-is? If there's an inconsistency, just ignore it. Most authors of published works do.
 
Nixeu said:
Did Skitter ever use butterflies? I'm curious.
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You can say that.
Article:
"No, no, no," he said. "If anyone asks, you kicked their asses with butterflies."


Article:
Some of them screamed, others ducked, covering their heads.

Not quite the delight I'd hoped for.

Was this another point where I was underestimating what the effect of the swarm was, or were the kids just overreacting? It was only five or six hundred butterflies.
 
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Option 1 so more stabbing

I say go for editing.

To note, having the robbery on Wednesday would need to involve the event the Protectorate are attending to occur on Wednesday as well. That should't be too much of an issue to change. So really the Wards will still get involved, just without the whole Panacea/Glory Girl thing (unless they decide to all go anyways cause GG wants action, but with Amy staying back instead of being a hostage).
 
Nixeu said:
Did Skitter ever use butterflies?
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Yes. She used them a number of times as colour and as a sort of "hey, I'm here but not here to hurt you" sort of thing. And although it's not directly mentioned it can be reasonably assumed that she used them as part of her larger general swarm to aid in lifting other bugs/things, or to generally fill spaces and cause annoyance.
 
ensou said:
Alright. Minor edits have been made. I'll work on the second half of the Vista interlude... sometime. When I get the inspiration and figure out what should be done there. >.>
Probably after 2.2.2 and the next chapter of Orphan get released. But probably before Deathwing gets finished, though, since that's getting long.
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Part of writing for quality is editing. I see you have already edited. Good choice.
 
ensou said:
Sonata 2.1's Deathwing thing is still getting rewritten, so if there's something you don't remember happening, don't worry. It's happening. Happened. In the process of being happened.
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*eyes that entire statement*
Did... did you flashy thing me, ensou? Now, don't you lie to me! DID YOU FLASHY THING ME?! *narrows eyes* I'm watching you. (...but not too closely, just in case.)

I ended up hiding the sword under my bed.

…In my defense, it's a perfectly good place for long pointy objects that would otherwise stand out.
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Yeah. You and MILLIONS of teenaged boys have thought the exact same thing. Spoiler: It's NOT and your mom finds it and then you have a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE Talk and OH GOD MOM PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ORGAAAAaaaand you're all still here. Um. *cough* LET'S MOVE ON AND NEVER MENTION THIS AGAIN.

My irritation at Uber and Leet had bled off a bit as I'd made stir-fry,
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For the record: I'm going to assume she used the sword to make that stir-fry. Because it makes me laugh. A lot.

Which means they'd put a potentially killable person in almost certain mortal danger without knowing what could go wrong.
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Remember: Canonically, Uber and Leet are enormous dicks.

The video had already been posted —I'd checked as I'd cooked— and it was popular. Like, already having more views than both their previous videos combined.
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Oh, THAT has to be chapping their asses. Their guest star outranks themselves... by a LOT. Ha ha!

and others arguing that it didn't matter if I didn't solve it 'right' because it had still been —and I quote— "absolutely freaking awesome."
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These are, incidentally, the correct responses. Rule of Cool MATTERS.

I couldn't care less where it came from, because in the end it still meant I had a fucking sword.
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....
*silently goes to get Mr. Scotch*

Also, I had to FIGHT myself not to link the picture of that one bat from Saint's Row. You know the one.

It might not have been Chevalier's absurd cannonblade, but I didn't need something like that when my own body and technology were more than adequate to compensate
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*snicker* Other people may not have noticed that subtle "Chevalier is overcompensating for something" joke... BUT I DID! Nicely done, ensou.

On a whim, I checked the creative sub-forum and was pleasantly surprised to find that Greg had actually gone ahead and posted his sketches and drawings in a new thread, including the ones he'd (unknowingly) done of me.
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"...including one of Relentless me in a battle bikini. He'd... gotten a couple of things wrong. Very wrong."

Now that those designs were out, though, I could start looking at reworking my costume.
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If Taylor didn't post as Relentless and comment something along the lines of "*YOINK*", I will be super sad.

Dad looked at me from over the food. "So what'd you do if you didn't go to school?"
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"Oh, just hanging out, looking at stores, walking the Boardwalk, killing a giant dragon, the usual stuff."
"...what was that last one?"
"...walking the Boardwalk?"

My teeth ground together.
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Across the Bay, dogs start to howl, bats start flying into things.

"Uh, Taylor? You're crushing the fork…"
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....
*facepalm*
*helpless laughter*
I... have to admit, out of all the way I was expecting Taylor to reveal her new boathood to her dad... THAT was not one of them. Well done, ensou. WELL DONE.

Outed by a fucking fork.
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...no. No, that joke's too easy. Almost as easy as pouring this glass of scotch! Mmmm, scotch.

Maybe I could hide it, avoid the question, fix the fork with my nanomaterial and lie. 'It was probably a trick of the light' and all.
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"That was light from Venus, bouncing off some swamp gas."
"The sun's still out, Venus is below the horizon, and we're nowhere near a swamp."
"I just squeezed a fork like it was play-doh. Do you REALLY want to argue semantics?"
"...you know, the yard IS looking a bit damp."

But if I didn't take the chance now to confront this, to come clean and stop all the deception, when would I?
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Right after you take over the city, if memory serves me correctly.

"I… I think I have something to tell you," I said nervously.
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"Dad... I'm a boat."
"It's okay, Taylor, I love you no matter who you-wait, what."
"...what did you THINK I was going to say?"
"NOTHING. NOT IMPORTANT. A boat, you say?!"

He raised an eyebrow. "It wouldn't have anything to do with you squeezing a fork like cheese, would it?"
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"Not in the least, actually! I spilled bleach on your best suit."

"I'm…" not human. just software. not the girl you had with Mom.
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*chokes*
Well. We'll just get some scotch and not make any jokes about Danny and his Very Special birthday present from Annette, hmmm?

"I'm strong," I finally settled on. "I'm strong and fast and I can't get hurt or forget anything and I don't need to eat or sleep or any of that and I can make things. Things like you couldn't imagine."
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"I can make ice cream soup! And minute rice in 58 seconds!"

Instead I just got placid thoughtfulness, though I was sure at least part of it was a mask.
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Danny at this moment:


"I'm—" I took a deep breath. "My body isn't… normal anymore. Just, just… here."
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All those jokes... I can't make... gone. Like scotch into this glass... Time to drink.

Also: Taylor. Taylor, listen to me. DO NOT PULL YOUR SPINE OUT TO SHOW YOUR DAD. I mean, sure, it worked with Vista, but this is an entirely different situation!

"One day I was flesh and blood, and the next… I was like this," I said hesitantly.
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Better? Much, much better?

I winced, because he'd nailed one of the things that I was still struggling with.
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"This week, on the Jerry Springer show...."

"So, um, you have a ship, right? If you replace one thing on the ship with an identical thing, it's still that ship right? What about ten things? A thousand things? When is the ship no longer the original ship, but something different?"
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I have an expert here on things of that nature, Taylor. Mister Rhysson? Can we get your opinion in here, please?

I still feel like me.
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*silently pours more scotch*

I'm just a little bit… different now.
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*loudly pours more scotch*

"How do they even know about you?" he asked slowly.
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"Okay, you're gonna laugh, but you know Lung?"
"LUNG?!"
"...okay, you do. That makes it easier. Anyways, do you know what a 'sleeper hold' is? It's a hold that makes you-"
*thud*
"...yeah, basically that."

"And how exactly did you… 'run into them'?" he questioned, and I would've sworn that the room was getting warmer if I knew it wasn't,
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Is... is Danny preparing to give the shovel speech to the Wards? Is that what's happening?

Dad, I can do so much. I'm as hard as diamond,
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*twitch*
*pours more scotch*
*sobs brokenly*

He was being much calmer than I expected, and I could tell how much of a struggle he was going through.
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*slides Danny a glass of scotch*
You've earned that, bud.

He looked like he was fighting with himself for a moment. "Can I… see it?"
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...any other situation, I'd be making a "You show me yours..." joke. Instead, I'm stealing that glass of scotch back from Danny.

"To be honest I'm really really lucky," I told him. "It's rare to get a power that's so versatile or complete."
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Taylor thinks her power is a sign of her getting lucky, got it.

"It's called nanomaterial. Not 'magical stuff'," I said, pouting.
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*glances at all the shit Taylor's done with it*
Taylor, it's BASICALLY magical stuff. More or less. (Mostly more.)

"How about fixing that loose board on the front steps?" he asked with a light tone.

"You could do that with a hammer, two nails, and five minutes," I said, rolling my eyes. "There's no need to bring advanced polymorphic materials into it."
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Yeah, and there's no NEED to climb Mt. Everest. Or put a man on the Moon. Or build the Bugatti Veyron. But we did it anyways and do you know WHY? BECAUSE IT'S FUCKIN' AWESOME. "Fuckin' awesome" is reason enough, Taylor. Search your heart. You know it to be true.

...also, we should probably stop climbing Mt. Everest, it's turning into a shithole.

I wouldn't have given it up for anything in the world.
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And that's when the Fire Nation attacked!

ensou said:
Instead of Taylor doing things on her own, she might start to realized that, hey, maybe unlike her experiences in high school, the authorities aren't always incompetent.
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*glances at all of Worm*
*laughs hysterically*
Oh. Oh, that was a GOOD one, ensou. But, seriously, what's actually gonna happen?

She may be smart, but she's not The Best Thinker Ever (cough Contessa cough).
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*BZZZT* WRONG! The Best Thinker Ever is, of course, Dinah. However, I offer a compromise: We dress Dinah in a suit and give her a fedora!

Taylor is still a fifteen year-old teenage girl, and I don't know about you, but when I was a fifteen year-old teenage girl, I would have floundered and failed all over the place were I in Taylor's position.
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I know when *I* was a fifteen year-old girl, I was asked to leave that Subway and never, ever come back.

That's what I feel writing fights should be, every time. It shouldn't feel like I'm dragging myself through mud trying to get the words out. It should just happen.
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Having missed the entirety of the fight argument due to RL Being A Dick I can only compare/contrast things like the recent Coil slaughter fight from AFHB with the rewritten(?) Bakuda fight someone quoted in its entirety. (Which I normally despise, but this time was thankful for.) And... yeah. It kinda shows when you feel like you've had to force a fight scene in because of "Well, it's Worm and there's fight scenes, right?"

So, you know... write what you want, basically?
 
Datcord said:
*eyes that entire statement*
Did... did you flashy thing me, ensou? Now, don't you lie to me! DID YOU FLASHY THING ME?! *narrows eyes* I'm watching you. (...but not too closely, just in case.)


Yeah. You and MILLIONS of teenaged boys have thought the exact same thing. Spoiler: It's NOT and your mom finds it and then you have a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE Talk and OH GOD MOM PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ORGAAAAaaaand you're all still here. Um. *cough* LET'S MOVE ON AND NEVER MENTION THIS AGAIN.


For the record: I'm going to assume she used the sword to make that stir-fry. Because it makes me laugh. A lot.


Remember: Canonically, Uber and Leet are enormous dicks.

Oh, THAT has to be chapping their asses. Their guest star outranks themselves... by a LOT. Ha ha!


These are, incidentally, the correct responses. Rule of Cool MATTERS.


....
*silently goes to get Mr. Scotch*

Also, I had to FIGHT myself not to link the picture of that one bat from Saint's Row. You know the one.


*snicker* Other people may not have noticed that subtle "Chevalier is overcompensating for something" joke... BUT I DID! Nicely done, ensou.


"...including one of Relentless me in a battle bikini. He'd... gotten a couple of things wrong. Very wrong."


If Taylor didn't post as Relentless and comment something along the lines of "*YOINK*", I will be super sad.


"Oh, just hanging out, looking at stores, walking the Boardwalk, killing a giant dragon, the usual stuff."
"...what was that last one?"
"...walking the Boardwalk?"


Across the Bay, dogs start to howl, bats start flying into things.


....
*facepalm*
*helpless laughter*
I... have to admit, out of all the way I was expecting Taylor to reveal her new boathood to her dad... THAT was not one of them. Well done, ensou. WELL DONE.


...no. No, that joke's too easy. Almost as easy as pouring this glass of scotch! Mmmm, scotch.


"That was light from Venus, bouncing off some swamp gas."
"The sun's still out, Venus is below the horizon, and we're nowhere near a swamp."
"I just squeezed a fork like it was play-doh. Do you REALLY want to argue semantics?"
"...you know, the yard IS looking a bit damp."


Right after you take over the city, if memory serves me correctly.


"Dad... I'm a boat."
"It's okay, Taylor, I love you no matter who you-wait, what."
"...what did you THINK I was going to say?"
"NOTHING. NOT IMPORTANT. A boat, you say?!"


"Not in the least, actually! I spilled bleach on your best suit."


*chokes*
Well. We'll just get some scotch and not make any jokes about Danny and his Very Special birthday present from Annette, hmmm?


"I can make ice cream soup! And minute rice in 58 seconds!"


Danny at this moment:



All those jokes... I can't make... gone. Like scotch into this glass... Time to drink.

Also: Taylor. Taylor, listen to me. DO NOT PULL YOUR SPINE OUT TO SHOW YOUR DAD. I mean, sure, it worked with Vista, but this is an entirely different situation!


Better? Much, much better?


"This week, on the Jerry Springer show...."


I have an expert here on things of that nature, Taylor. Mister Rhysson? Can we get your opinion in here, please?


*silently pours more scotch*


*loudly pours more scotch*


"Okay, you're gonna laugh, but you know Lung?"
"LUNG?!"
"...okay, you do. That makes it easier. Anyways, do you know what a 'sleeper hold' is? It's a hold that makes you-"
*thud*
"...yeah, basically that."


Is... is Danny preparing to give the shovel speech to the Wards? Is that what's happening?


*twitch*
*pours more scotch*
*sobs brokenly*


*slides Danny a glass of scotch*
You've earned that, bud.


...any other situation, I'd be making a "You show me yours..." joke. Instead, I'm stealing that glass of scotch back from Danny.


Taylor thinks her power is a sign of her getting lucky, got it.


*glances at all the shit Taylor's done with it*
Taylor, it's BASICALLY magical stuff. More or less. (Mostly more.)


Yeah, and there's no NEED to climb Mt. Everest. Or put a man on the Moon. Or build the Bugatti Veyron. But we did it anyways and do you know WHY? BECAUSE IT'S FUCKIN' AWESOME. "Fuckin' awesome" is reason enough, Taylor. Search your heart. You know it to be true.

...also, we should probably stop climbing Mt. Everest, it's turning into a shithole.


And that's when the Fire Nation attacked!


*glances at all of Worm*
*laughs hysterically*
Oh. Oh, that was a GOOD one, ensou. But, seriously, what's actually gonna happen?


*BZZZT* WRONG! The Best Thinker Ever is, of course, Dinah. However, I offer a compromise: We dress Dinah in a suit and give her a fedora!


I know when *I* was a fifteen year-old girl, I was asked to leave that Subway and never, ever come back.


Having missed the entirety of the fight argument due to RL Being A Dick I can only compare/contrast things like the recent Coil slaughter fight from AFHB with the rewritten(?) Bakuda fight someone quoted in its entirety. (Which I normally despise, but this time was thankful for.) And... yeah. It kinda shows when you feel like you've had to force a fight scene in because of "Well, it's Worm and there's fight scenes, right?"

So, you know... write what you want, basically?
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Mmmmmm mmmmm. MMMMMMMMMM!

Delectable Datcording.
I think the Chart is pleased.
 
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