...Yea, I'm out.
I'm sorry, but frankly, I can't really help "be" someone so broken, someone who has done such atrocities (even if they got "reloaded", it was still reality for her), and quite frankly, I don't trust this forum or your authorial skills (as you have only had the chance to demonstrate it on the thread post in a forum) to be able to handle very complex issues like how to handle and recovering from criminal, homicidal insanity, as a protagonist or central character, in a way that does not demean the RL issues.
Sorry
@Higure. Please don't take this personally. You are a good writer and I wish you and your player base the best from here on out.
Shame to see you go, and you're right...that would be way too much for this quest if I was actually going to go in depth with it.
That is probably the worst you'll ever see of her background, by a long shot, however, and Homura got past it (sort of ) a long time ago. If it's worth anything, she was only
that bad for a very short while. Most of her "insane" period was basically just happily dancing from one timeline to the next, not bothering to try to save anyone. Once it reached the point you saw...well, to avoid spoilers, let's just say that "things happened," and those things gave her back her sanity, but also left her emotionally numb for an extended period. On the upside, she couldn't despair sufficiently to Witch, but her virtually nonexistent emotions prevented her from using her powers besides Time Travel.
Eventually, Oriko got involved and arranged for Homura's mind to be Healed, which burnt most of that period from her memory entirely, leaving the early parts (which weren't particularly horrible) and a couple of tiny, fleeting glimpses of the worst of it as a warning for the future.
The truth is that I'm
not a good enough writer to actually depict the ongoing process of recovery, but this is what came out when I tried to show what she went through...so I've given you one horrifying glimpse of that period, and I won't be touching directly again...probably ever.
If you still want to go, I understand, but the memories are so faint that it doesn't much affect her characterization.
...also, to clarify, I'm writing this for everyone, because I want to make it clear that Homura is
not living with that shit every day. The memory you saw only came up because she actively sought it out, and was forgotten the moment she let it go. If some memories in Memory Access are "pandora's box," this one is more like a Lovecraftian Horror...her mind not only won't, but
can't hold on to it, because a combination of magic and self-preservation instincts keep it locked away.
That's why you have not, and will not, see her angsting about what she did back then. As far as she can normally recall, the worst things she's ever done were during the Murderface period, if you'd like to call it that, when she tended to kill people as a matter of efficiency.
