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[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it
La Chanson de la Victoire (The Song of Victory): La Petite Arpenteuse (Non, SV, you are a General of France in the Napoleonic War!)
- Thread starter Plausbius
- Start date
- Mature Alt. History
[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
We need the Army of the North on our side. I know it will be a few more Months before we'll have to face the Coalition, but we'll need all the men we can get for that.
As for the Rest...well, it is time.
Also, I just had an amazing thought of how the Intro of Napoleon: Total War would change in this Timeline.
Napoleon: "My Enemies are many...my equals... (He looks aside and smiles slightly) Are One."
(Cue Therese stepping up next to him and delivering the Intro-Speech alongside him.)
We need the Army of the North on our side. I know it will be a few more Months before we'll have to face the Coalition, but we'll need all the men we can get for that.
As for the Rest...well, it is time.
Also, I just had an amazing thought of how the Intro of Napoleon: Total War would change in this Timeline.
Napoleon: "My Enemies are many...my equals... (He looks aside and smiles slightly) Are One."
(Cue Therese stepping up next to him and delivering the Intro-Speech alongside him.)
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[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
Sir_Travelsalot
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[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
Magoose
SV's Questing Fanatic
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if Napoleon uses our wedding for a coronation, especially before the pope recummunes us, he's making a very bold political statement as well.You mean "coronation".
Something that the rest of Europe will not be kind to.
He says thank you.
It's a good idea. lets see if it goes wrong.
Well... you can't form guidelines when you are not there. You actually have to be there.
Yeah, I have to say this too: @Cyberphilosipher, the Scene between Therese and Napoleon was GREAT.
[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
Just a quick thing, the Fourvière basilica is from the second half of the 19th century, if you want a large HQ for the rebels in Lyon you could use the Saint Jean cathedral or the Hotel Dieu.
Magoose
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Ah will fix when I get the chance.
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[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
Oversimplified-Omake: The Napoleonic Wars - The Beginning of the French Civil War (Alexander Sturnn)
Oversimplified-Omake: The Napoleonic Wars - The Beginning of the French Civil War
Narrator: "After Therese and her Squad had given Ferdinand III. the boot (Shows her and her Officers kicking Ferdinand III. so hard he flies out of the screen) they immediately began to turn Sicily into a new Sister Republic. (Sicily is turned light blue on the map) You might expect that the People there were very hostile to their new French Overlords. However, they seemed to be over the Moon instead. (The surprised Army of the Orient is greeted by a Crowd of cheering Citizens) Ferdinand had not been well liked and the People of Sicily were quite glad to be rid of him. (The Map shows Europe, a Peace-Symbol rising above it) With Sicily and Naples defeated, the War of the First Coalition was finally over. The French Republic stood victorious, having triumphed over it's foes and beaten them soundly. Everything was coming up France and Europe was AT PEACE. (Cheers can be heard and triumphant Music plays as Confetti flies through the air...before it all is interrupted by a record-needle scratch) ...For about five seconds."
(Therese is sitting in her command tent, once again reading letters.)
Therese (chuckles): "Oh, Napoleon...you know, I'm starting to like reading your Poems. You're even slowly getting better. Once my Job in Egypt is done and I'm back home, maybe we can go on another date and-"
Davout (bursts into the tent): "General Auclair! I have urgent news!"
Therese: "Good News or bad News?"
Davout: "...Uuuummm...b-bad. VERY bad."
Therese (groans): "For God's sake, what is it this time?"
Davout: *takes a deep breath*
Narrator: "As it turned out, the Pope had seen it fit to excommunicate the ENTIRE Army of the Orient. (The Pope can be seen signing an Order for Excommunication) Soldiers, Officers, even Camp Followers. As Reasons, he stated their "savagery" in annihilating the Sicilian and Neapolitan Army."
(Angry Soldiers can be seen in Camp.)
Soldier 1: "WHAT?! That's bullshit! We've done no worse then any other Army in Europe has! Why do we get singled out?!"
Soldier 2: "Because the Pope is a conservative Prick who hates both the French Revolution and our female General!"
Soldier 3: "Does this Idiot even realize that he just excommunicated the Children of the late Louis XVI., because they too serve in our Army?!"
Soldier 1: "No, but...w-wait, why do we know that? We're just low-level Grunts and-"
Soldier 2: "SHHH!!"
Narrator: "Needless to say, the Soldiers were furious. Louis and Charlotte were furious. And Therese. Was. FURIOUS. (We see the Figures of French Soldiers, Louis and Charlotte and Therese switching places on-screen, each of them exclaiming "I'm furious!")"
(Back in Therese's tent; she glares angrily at a Map of Italy.)
Therese: "So, Mr. Pope-Man, you think you can excommunicate me, my whole Army AND my kids while we are just a small ways away, huh? Yeah, I think it's time to pay the Holy See a visit and show him why that was a REALLY dumb idea. (She turns to Davout) Davout, you'll take half the Army and go to Rome."
Davout: "At once, General, but...there's more. We have received three letters. One from Bonaparte and two from Robespierre, all in their Positions as Consuls."
Therese: "Really? What do they say?"
Davout: "Well...Bonaparte asks that we return to France immediately. Robespierre, by contrast orders us to continue our Campaign and stay away. We're not sure why."
Therese (concerned): "Hmmm...what to do? Do I follow Napoleon's Orders or Robespierre's? Both have the right to give me such an Order, so what do I-"
Davout: "Also...Robespierre orders you in his second Letter to hand the Royal Children over to him so that they may be executed."
(Silence. Then Therese's figure starts to shake with anger as her eyes narrow.)
Therese (sickly sweet voice through gritted teeth): "...Does. He. Now. Huh? Well...in that case, I shall answer him. In Person. With an ENTIRE FRIGGIN ARMY!!!"
Narrator: "And so, Davout lead half of the Army of the Orient to Rome to say Hi to the Pope, while a Therese in full-blown angry Mom-Mode returned to France with the other half. (We see a VERY confused looking man) Now, I know what you're thinking: 'But Oversimplified! Why would Robespierre order something so incredibly dumb?' Well, to answer that Question, we'll have to see what's up in Paris right now. (Paris is literally on fire, with People running around in panic and Robespierre standing on a Guillotine-Platform and repeatedly chanting "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!" while pointing at random People on the street) ...Uh-oh."
(A few days prior in Brians Office...)
Napoleon: "Y-you're going to do what?!"
Brian: "I'm abdicating as the first Consul."
Napoleon: "B-but...I...you can't...why?!?"
Brian: "Because One, I never really wanted this Job in the first Place. Two, I want some private time with my wife and Child. And three, because I don't believe I should lead the Republic after I overthrew one of their Governments. Let the People decide for a new leader, I'm sure they will chose wisely."
Napoleon: "But Brian! Robespierre will pounce on this Chance! He will seize control of Government, riling the People up to his side and then put you, me and everyone else who ever stood against him on the Guillotine-"
Pierre: "Sir...I'm afraid Brian has already left before you finished talking."
(And indeed, Brian is already gone.)
Napoleon (deep and long-suffering sigh): "...Pierre. Get ready to move out of Paris. And tell Ney to save Brian's ass once everything crashes down."
Narrator: "And crash down everything did. Robespierre immediately seized control of the Government and the National Guard before riling a Mob of People up to go and deliver him his hated foe Brian Auclair. (Robespierre points a few angry People at Brian and says "Get him!") However, Colonel Ney, the man who had overthrown the Directory, managed to sneak Brian outta the City (Brian and Ney leap over the Walls of Paris, dressed in Ninja Clothes) and together, they linked up with Napoleon in Lyon. Brian felt very guilty for what happened, blaming himself for this mess. But Napoleon, like any good Friend, told him: "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and instead help me set things straight again!" That cheered Brian up a bit. (Shows Brian looking down in shame, then Nappy placing a hand on his shoulder and then Brian smiling again) Together, they managed to rally most of the Military and Parts of the Government to their side. (The Map shows France Split between Robby's Government and Nappy's Supporters) Robespierre declared Napoleon and Brian Traitors to the Revolution and the Republic. A Civil War was now inevitable. And Robespierre quickly got back up to his old tricks again."
(Robespierre faces a bunch of Advisors who bring him News.)
Advisor 1: "Robespierre, much of the Military and especially experienced Veterans and Leaders have sided with Napoleon, as well as Parts of the Government."
Robespierre: "Grrrrrr...!! Dirty Traitors! I'll show them! I'll show them all! I will put them on the Guillotine once they're beaten! EVERYONE WHO'S AGAINST ME AND THE REPUBLIC GOES TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 1: "...E-everyone...?"
Robespierre: "EVERYONE!!"
Advisor 2: "All the Politicians and Generals who sided against you?"
Robespierre: "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 3: "All those who were against you before and only support you right now because you threatened them and their Families, as well as the Children of the former King?"
Robespierre: "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 4 (bursts in): "Sir! General Auclair and her whole Army have sided with Napoleon and are returning back to France!"
Robespierre (points at him): "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 4: "W-wait, me or General Auclair and her Army?"
Robespierre: "YES!!!"
Advisor 5: "Sir-"
Robespierre (points at him): "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 5 (frightened): "B-but, Sir! I just wanted to tell you that your Whig has shifted a bit."
Robespierre (slightly embarrassed): "O-oh... (He rights his Whig again) Right. Thank you. (After a long silence, he points at him again) ...TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
A.N.: What can I say? The Muse struck me.
Narrator: "After Therese and her Squad had given Ferdinand III. the boot (Shows her and her Officers kicking Ferdinand III. so hard he flies out of the screen) they immediately began to turn Sicily into a new Sister Republic. (Sicily is turned light blue on the map) You might expect that the People there were very hostile to their new French Overlords. However, they seemed to be over the Moon instead. (The surprised Army of the Orient is greeted by a Crowd of cheering Citizens) Ferdinand had not been well liked and the People of Sicily were quite glad to be rid of him. (The Map shows Europe, a Peace-Symbol rising above it) With Sicily and Naples defeated, the War of the First Coalition was finally over. The French Republic stood victorious, having triumphed over it's foes and beaten them soundly. Everything was coming up France and Europe was AT PEACE. (Cheers can be heard and triumphant Music plays as Confetti flies through the air...before it all is interrupted by a record-needle scratch) ...For about five seconds."
(Therese is sitting in her command tent, once again reading letters.)
Therese (chuckles): "Oh, Napoleon...you know, I'm starting to like reading your Poems. You're even slowly getting better. Once my Job in Egypt is done and I'm back home, maybe we can go on another date and-"
Davout (bursts into the tent): "General Auclair! I have urgent news!"
Therese: "Good News or bad News?"
Davout: "...Uuuummm...b-bad. VERY bad."
Therese (groans): "For God's sake, what is it this time?"
Davout: *takes a deep breath*
Narrator: "As it turned out, the Pope had seen it fit to excommunicate the ENTIRE Army of the Orient. (The Pope can be seen signing an Order for Excommunication) Soldiers, Officers, even Camp Followers. As Reasons, he stated their "savagery" in annihilating the Sicilian and Neapolitan Army."
(Angry Soldiers can be seen in Camp.)
Soldier 1: "WHAT?! That's bullshit! We've done no worse then any other Army in Europe has! Why do we get singled out?!"
Soldier 2: "Because the Pope is a conservative Prick who hates both the French Revolution and our female General!"
Soldier 3: "Does this Idiot even realize that he just excommunicated the Children of the late Louis XVI., because they too serve in our Army?!"
Soldier 1: "No, but...w-wait, why do we know that? We're just low-level Grunts and-"
Soldier 2: "SHHH!!"
Narrator: "Needless to say, the Soldiers were furious. Louis and Charlotte were furious. And Therese. Was. FURIOUS. (We see the Figures of French Soldiers, Louis and Charlotte and Therese switching places on-screen, each of them exclaiming "I'm furious!")"
(Back in Therese's tent; she glares angrily at a Map of Italy.)
Therese: "So, Mr. Pope-Man, you think you can excommunicate me, my whole Army AND my kids while we are just a small ways away, huh? Yeah, I think it's time to pay the Holy See a visit and show him why that was a REALLY dumb idea. (She turns to Davout) Davout, you'll take half the Army and go to Rome."
Davout: "At once, General, but...there's more. We have received three letters. One from Bonaparte and two from Robespierre, all in their Positions as Consuls."
Therese: "Really? What do they say?"
Davout: "Well...Bonaparte asks that we return to France immediately. Robespierre, by contrast orders us to continue our Campaign and stay away. We're not sure why."
Therese (concerned): "Hmmm...what to do? Do I follow Napoleon's Orders or Robespierre's? Both have the right to give me such an Order, so what do I-"
Davout: "Also...Robespierre orders you in his second Letter to hand the Royal Children over to him so that they may be executed."
(Silence. Then Therese's figure starts to shake with anger as her eyes narrow.)
Therese (sickly sweet voice through gritted teeth): "...Does. He. Now. Huh? Well...in that case, I shall answer him. In Person. With an ENTIRE FRIGGIN ARMY!!!"
Narrator: "And so, Davout lead half of the Army of the Orient to Rome to say Hi to the Pope, while a Therese in full-blown angry Mom-Mode returned to France with the other half. (We see a VERY confused looking man) Now, I know what you're thinking: 'But Oversimplified! Why would Robespierre order something so incredibly dumb?' Well, to answer that Question, we'll have to see what's up in Paris right now. (Paris is literally on fire, with People running around in panic and Robespierre standing on a Guillotine-Platform and repeatedly chanting "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!" while pointing at random People on the street) ...Uh-oh."
(A few days prior in Brians Office...)
Napoleon: "Y-you're going to do what?!"
Brian: "I'm abdicating as the first Consul."
Napoleon: "B-but...I...you can't...why?!?"
Brian: "Because One, I never really wanted this Job in the first Place. Two, I want some private time with my wife and Child. And three, because I don't believe I should lead the Republic after I overthrew one of their Governments. Let the People decide for a new leader, I'm sure they will chose wisely."
Napoleon: "But Brian! Robespierre will pounce on this Chance! He will seize control of Government, riling the People up to his side and then put you, me and everyone else who ever stood against him on the Guillotine-"
Pierre: "Sir...I'm afraid Brian has already left before you finished talking."
(And indeed, Brian is already gone.)
Napoleon (deep and long-suffering sigh): "...Pierre. Get ready to move out of Paris. And tell Ney to save Brian's ass once everything crashes down."
Narrator: "And crash down everything did. Robespierre immediately seized control of the Government and the National Guard before riling a Mob of People up to go and deliver him his hated foe Brian Auclair. (Robespierre points a few angry People at Brian and says "Get him!") However, Colonel Ney, the man who had overthrown the Directory, managed to sneak Brian outta the City (Brian and Ney leap over the Walls of Paris, dressed in Ninja Clothes) and together, they linked up with Napoleon in Lyon. Brian felt very guilty for what happened, blaming himself for this mess. But Napoleon, like any good Friend, told him: "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and instead help me set things straight again!" That cheered Brian up a bit. (Shows Brian looking down in shame, then Nappy placing a hand on his shoulder and then Brian smiling again) Together, they managed to rally most of the Military and Parts of the Government to their side. (The Map shows France Split between Robby's Government and Nappy's Supporters) Robespierre declared Napoleon and Brian Traitors to the Revolution and the Republic. A Civil War was now inevitable. And Robespierre quickly got back up to his old tricks again."
(Robespierre faces a bunch of Advisors who bring him News.)
Advisor 1: "Robespierre, much of the Military and especially experienced Veterans and Leaders have sided with Napoleon, as well as Parts of the Government."
Robespierre: "Grrrrrr...!! Dirty Traitors! I'll show them! I'll show them all! I will put them on the Guillotine once they're beaten! EVERYONE WHO'S AGAINST ME AND THE REPUBLIC GOES TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 1: "...E-everyone...?"
Robespierre: "EVERYONE!!"
Advisor 2: "All the Politicians and Generals who sided against you?"
Robespierre: "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 3: "All those who were against you before and only support you right now because you threatened them and their Families, as well as the Children of the former King?"
Robespierre: "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 4 (bursts in): "Sir! General Auclair and her whole Army have sided with Napoleon and are returning back to France!"
Robespierre (points at him): "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 4: "W-wait, me or General Auclair and her Army?"
Robespierre: "YES!!!"
Advisor 5: "Sir-"
Robespierre (points at him): "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
Advisor 5 (frightened): "B-but, Sir! I just wanted to tell you that your Whig has shifted a bit."
Robespierre (slightly embarrassed): "O-oh... (He rights his Whig again) Right. Thank you. (After a long silence, he points at him again) ...TO THE GUILLOTINE!!!"
A.N.: What can I say? The Muse struck me.
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Magoose
SV's Questing Fanatic
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Napoleon: I am Hilarious and you will quote everything I say!
+10 to the rolls sir.
Depends on where we go. Rhine? Yes.
Spain, no.
remain in France… they will disobey orders to be with you.
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[X] No momma. He's my dog. I'll do it.
Magoose
SV's Questing Fanatic
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Who Alexander I sent West:
The Balls of this man, taking 10 million in silver from the British and sending only 30,000 men under Benningson to fight Frenchmen!
The absolute madman! I mean I know he just came to power, but my god, he just took his ten pieces of silver and walked barely sending anyone to help.
I think they believe the British are up to some fuckery.
The Balls of this man, taking 10 million in silver from the British and sending only 30,000 men under Benningson to fight Frenchmen!
The absolute madman! I mean I know he just came to power, but my god, he just took his ten pieces of silver and walked barely sending anyone to help.
I think they believe the British are up to some fuckery.
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I mean he's not wrong. Man is probably going to be an easy white peace considering how unenthused he is about this whole "coalition" nonsense. And hey that 10 million could really help with industrializing Russia
Night_stalker
Slava Ukraini!
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[X]The Cockroach of Brunswick, or Ferdinand gets the Jojo treatment.
-[X]Give the command to Massena: The Army of Italy...is in Italy, and close by to Rome, a short march away, best to combine their forces in case of the Austrians march through Italy. Davout won't complain, and you have a feeling that Massena's more aggressive leadership might lead to more victories than you have.
-[X]With the Fox on the Rhine: General Jordan is in need of support to hold the Rhine against the Austrians when they inevitably arrive, and who better than the Firefighter herself? Really the Prussians' should know better by now. (You will be placed second in Command to General Jourdan's Rhine offensive, and will be making some moves on the Prussian and Austrian's coming towards you.)
-[X]Yes
-[X]Give the command to Massena: The Army of Italy...is in Italy, and close by to Rome, a short march away, best to combine their forces in case of the Austrians march through Italy. Davout won't complain, and you have a feeling that Massena's more aggressive leadership might lead to more victories than you have.
-[X]With the Fox on the Rhine: General Jordan is in need of support to hold the Rhine against the Austrians when they inevitably arrive, and who better than the Firefighter herself? Really the Prussians' should know better by now. (You will be placed second in Command to General Jourdan's Rhine offensive, and will be making some moves on the Prussian and Austrian's coming towards you.)
-[X]Yes
Magoose
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At least he didn't go all in like the Austrians and Prussia are