- Pronouns
- Female
...The discussion of Sweet Pete made me imagine a Toon Mafia, which lead to me pulling a Ranger and making a song parody XD
Look, Poochy ain't usually the kind of guy to spill the beans
But beneath the laughs and gleam, this business is filled with fiends
So I'm switching teams, snitching, sneaking, went my way
Then slinking off to witness protection at Bahia Bay
Never thought I'd be an informer, officer, I ain't your rat
But if it's either that or getting kneecapped with a baseball bat
Then it's obvious, I got no option but to cough it up
So you're gonna hear me singing like Uncle Scrappy at the opera
Or a broad who's getting loose as a goose at the speakeasy
Jeez, I've seen scenes obscene enough to make queasy
See, we kinda like the finer things the violence brings
Fine dining and wine to drink, a failed actor's dream
For beating prohibition, Hollywood needs a coalition
You can refuse me any time but you're in no position
I hope you're listening, no read between the lines
Heed my unspoken wishes: fish are keen to meet my client
He'll be feeling fine, he just needs some cleaning time
Yeah, the things you say to Toons is baffling,
Well pal, now who's fucking laughing?
So tell the boys they'd be well advised in avoiding California and Danville
'Cause we're the type to help a mean journalist visit Mr. Anvil
Never mind the crime file, ours was a lavish lifestyle
Any violent transaction enacted purely mercantile
Honestly, some of these wiseguys are quite vile, it's kinda wild
What you can hide behind a goofy face and a docile smile
"You're flesh and blood", says Don Felix the Cat, "my child"
"Until the time we see you through St. Peter's turnstile"
Your life might need the mafia to take it off of you
Ey, no need to walk away, we brought a car for you
We're gonna take you for a ride around the block
And if you're feeling shy, we'll lighten the mood so you can talk
They'll need a team of guys to dry you out the dock
They'll find you drowned with a piano tied around your socks
That's what'll happen when you're diving down with sharks
So now your time's arrived to lie in the ground in a box
Fertilising flowers till we cut 'em by the stalks
Lying in a shallow grave, no rocks to mark, say hi to Thaddeus Plotz
Pause for thought: you wanna talk profit and loss? Talk to the boss
I ain't even sure if he works in his office or not
But I certainly never heard of him, officer, I'm at a loss
As to how the perp could have murdered, purloined, and driven off with the profit
It was all part of the plan, we'd park the van behind that dark sedan
The hired hands would wait for our command and then start to scram
Shift shipments of contraband while listening to Boop's band
If you ain't in this life don't even try to understand
You can call our tactics underhanded, I call 'em slick
Like after the Anaheim Angels game, you just happen to call in sick
We're all magicians, it's just how we perform the trick that's different
I can blow holes through vault walls that are four-inch thick
So of course we're mafioso, you darn bozo
No, I don't think so, I friggin' know so
The whole neighbourhood we control's a no-go
So if you don't hope for a five day tickle to both toes you better no-show
Make yourself a Joe Schmoe, the folk nobody don't know
See, this business don't go for slogans and logos, no
We hate to but keep it on the low-low, no fingerprints or photos
Right under your nose, we throw you off the scent when we blow smoke
Quid pro quo, keep your friends and foes both close
Or soon enough you'll be thinking, "Ey, where'd all the pop go?"
Stole coca cola by the boatload in packets labelled "cocoa"
Yeah, call it lonesome because they'll make you ghosts
Let me make a toast though to the most ferocious folks you'd hope to know
Asta la Vista, no one's closer, no one's supposed to
Now those associates know I broke the code, the oath, omerta
I've woken from the dream, the false hope of America...
Look, Poochy ain't usually the kind of guy to spill the beans
But beneath the laughs and gleam, this business is filled with fiends
So I'm switching teams, snitching, sneaking, went my way
Then slinking off to witness protection at Bahia Bay
Never thought I'd be an informer, officer, I ain't your rat
But if it's either that or getting kneecapped with a baseball bat
Then it's obvious, I got no option but to cough it up
So you're gonna hear me singing like Uncle Scrappy at the opera
Or a broad who's getting loose as a goose at the speakeasy
Jeez, I've seen scenes obscene enough to make queasy
See, we kinda like the finer things the violence brings
Fine dining and wine to drink, a failed actor's dream
For beating prohibition, Hollywood needs a coalition
You can refuse me any time but you're in no position
I hope you're listening, no read between the lines
Heed my unspoken wishes: fish are keen to meet my client
He'll be feeling fine, he just needs some cleaning time
Yeah, the things you say to Toons is baffling,
Well pal, now who's fucking laughing?
So tell the boys they'd be well advised in avoiding California and Danville
'Cause we're the type to help a mean journalist visit Mr. Anvil
Never mind the crime file, ours was a lavish lifestyle
Any violent transaction enacted purely mercantile
Honestly, some of these wiseguys are quite vile, it's kinda wild
What you can hide behind a goofy face and a docile smile
"You're flesh and blood", says Don Felix the Cat, "my child"
"Until the time we see you through St. Peter's turnstile"
Your life might need the mafia to take it off of you
Ey, no need to walk away, we brought a car for you
We're gonna take you for a ride around the block
And if you're feeling shy, we'll lighten the mood so you can talk
They'll need a team of guys to dry you out the dock
They'll find you drowned with a piano tied around your socks
That's what'll happen when you're diving down with sharks
So now your time's arrived to lie in the ground in a box
Fertilising flowers till we cut 'em by the stalks
Lying in a shallow grave, no rocks to mark, say hi to Thaddeus Plotz
Pause for thought: you wanna talk profit and loss? Talk to the boss
I ain't even sure if he works in his office or not
But I certainly never heard of him, officer, I'm at a loss
As to how the perp could have murdered, purloined, and driven off with the profit
It was all part of the plan, we'd park the van behind that dark sedan
The hired hands would wait for our command and then start to scram
Shift shipments of contraband while listening to Boop's band
If you ain't in this life don't even try to understand
You can call our tactics underhanded, I call 'em slick
Like after the Anaheim Angels game, you just happen to call in sick
We're all magicians, it's just how we perform the trick that's different
I can blow holes through vault walls that are four-inch thick
So of course we're mafioso, you darn bozo
No, I don't think so, I friggin' know so
The whole neighbourhood we control's a no-go
So if you don't hope for a five day tickle to both toes you better no-show
Make yourself a Joe Schmoe, the folk nobody don't know
See, this business don't go for slogans and logos, no
We hate to but keep it on the low-low, no fingerprints or photos
Right under your nose, we throw you off the scent when we blow smoke
Quid pro quo, keep your friends and foes both close
Or soon enough you'll be thinking, "Ey, where'd all the pop go?"
Stole coca cola by the boatload in packets labelled "cocoa"
Yeah, call it lonesome because they'll make you ghosts
Let me make a toast though to the most ferocious folks you'd hope to know
Asta la Vista, no one's closer, no one's supposed to
Now those associates know I broke the code, the oath, omerta
I've woken from the dream, the false hope of America...
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