Please add in the quotation marks. Here is my edits. Also pay attention to the commas and correct words.Shelbyville's Bad For Business.
You were Bozo B. Buffone, and things were looking bright. Sure, your relatively short life didn't start off that great (those desperate hunted days after you and your family escaped from the lab still haunt you), but that was in the past. After months of hard work and a lot of luck, you'd managed to rise above the drudgery your 98 brothers (and one sister) found themselves in and entered the coveted realm of the middle class. Sure, being a franchisee for "The Hyper-Potamus Pizza-Party-Torium" wasn't glamorous, but what else was a guy in permanent clown makeup supposed to apply a small business loan for? A nightclub? A mattress store? That'd just be silly.
You knew that you couldn't screw this up. If you succeed here, you'd be the first of the B.B. clan to make something of themselves and get out of B.B. Prime's shadow. Sure, Springfield and Shelbyville weren't exactly your first pick of locations (for obvious reasons), but besides some local place called Krusty Burger, it was mostly free of the bigger chains, and you figured you could make his mark on the area. And after the meetings with both towns mayors, they made it clear you could only set up shop in one of them. You knew that the choice of location could make or break his career as a restaurateur.
It took a few days of searching, but you found a place in Springfield that looked like it would make a great location. It was near the new MegaMall, so it would hopefully leech off the people going to it. The decrepit looking Lasertag place next door was an eyesore, but hopefully, either someone would fix it up, or if the business really boomed, you could turn it into an extended parking lot.
You were just about to head over to Shelbyville and scout out locations there when a couple of Italian men pulled up in a black van. One got out of the side door and shouted at you. "Hey clown, you want some lemons? They uh… fell off the back of a truck." Well, you were never one to turn down free food. There was a famine, after all. (And you remembered those first terrible starving days of your life). You approached the van, and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in what looked like a dimly lit warehouse.
As you awoke from the groggy delirium, you noticed you were sitting at a table with an overhead lamp being the only light in the room. You weren't tied up, but the guys from the van standing beside you quickly dissuaded you from the notion of getting up. Once they saw you were awake, one shouted into the darkness. "Hey boss, he's up!" a small flame briefly shone out of the dark as a large Italian man walked out of the darkness, followed by even more thugs. As he finished lighting his cigar, he looked you over. He turned to one of his goons, irritation showing in his voice. Who's this Bozo?" (Oh crap, they know your name!!!) "He's the guy who's building the crappy pizza joint," the man who offered you lemons answered. The big man sighed as he sat down. "What is it with this town and clowns owning restaurants?"
"Who.. who are you, and what do you want from me?" Any reason to be kidnapped would be bad, but you at least wanted to know. The Fat man smiled; it was a malicious smile, a cold smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Me? You could say I'm just a concerned citizen. As for what I want?" He takes a puff of his cigar. "I'm just ensuring you don't make a grave mistake."
"As an Italian, I must say I am disappointed in your company serving pineapple on its pizza. Especially given what happened to Hawaii." All the thugs started making the sign of the cross at that. Crap, one of them was putting on brass knuckles! Thankfully, the fat guy waved him off as he continued to speak. "However, as a legitimate businessman myself, I must warn you that a business in Shelbyville is a risky prospect. All sorts of awful things may happen to an entrepreneurial clown such as yourself." You started to shiver at the obvious threat. "Oh really?" You squeak in reply. The Fat man grinned at that. "Of course. Unexpected fires, vandalism, robberies, maybe even worse. If you don't believe me, just ask Skinny Giuseppe."
Who?
The big man took a puff of his cigar and looked straight into your soul as he answered you. "Precisely." You didn't think his smile could be more predatory, but there it is. (Oh crap, now he and all his goons are laughing. Uh, you better laugh too). You begin to chuckle along halfheartedly. Which was apparently the wrong move as the man raised his hand, and everyone was suddenly quiet.
"I see by your awkward laughter that you need further convincing." A grim look came over the man's face. "I'm truly sorry, my comedic friend. I really did not want to do this. Bring it in, boys!" You tried to bolt from the chair. To make a run for it. But the goons grabbed you and pushed you back down. With dawning horror, you watched as the fat man reached into his jacket pocket. All your struggling in vain. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see the end coming. When suddenly, there was a loud.
BOOOM!!!
"As you can see here, Springfield has seen unprecedented growth in the past few quarters while Shelbyville has recently begun stagnating."
…What? Seriously, What?!
You opened your eyes to see the fat man wearing a pair of reading glasses and shuffling through a manila folder. One of many folders and books now stacked up on the table. And some of the thugs looked like they were setting up some sort of video presentation.
"Hey, Bozo, I hope you're paying attention! I hate this bookkeeping shit, and I don't want to be here all night." As you saw the stacks upon stacks of financial data and statistics the goons were unloading onto the table, you could only ask yourself one question. Why can't they just shoot me?
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I had fun writing this. I'm especially proud of the Skinny Giuseppe joke. The hardest thing was actually coming up with a name so I just settled with what it is. Let me know if you see any errors.
A Hellfish flys again! ( a Simpsons X DVV CK2 Quest)
- Thread starter Ranger65
- Start date
Please add in the quotation marks. Here is my edits. Also pay attention to the commas and correct words.
Man that is amazing. When I asked for people to point out any mistakes I was expecting a missing or misspelt word. Not a full blown edit. Thanks.
- Pronouns
- Female
Very sweet! Canon!
Your Reward is either
+5 to a Homer Personal Action
OR
+5 to a National Action Homer is assigned to
One of the most unexpected Omakes, but definitely a very interesting one! Canon... mostly. We shall have to debate on if Foxy Loxy actually comes to Springfield or not
Anyways your rewards are:
+5 to Opening A New Ecosystem
OR
+5 Springfields infiltration DC next turn
OR
A Mystery Box (A QM is interested in the consequences of this)
Pfft. Fun and amusing! Happy to see the Birthday Bandit Clones are doing ok as they can given the circumstances.
Canon (though still doesn't guarantee The pizzeria will come to Springfield)
+ 10 to a Hiring Action
OR
A Question for us QMs
Hmmm…. Hit me with that mystery box chief
- Location
- Germany
Dunno if you guys are still getting to it, but there´s still my third CAndace omake to scrutinize as well
So I talked to the QM's on Discord about the mystery box I chose. They said we have like till turn eight for the consequences or something related to it due to my mystery box.
Oh, we forgot to include!
A lovely continuation to the vampire candace storyline, Excited to see how you continue this series of excellent omakes!, Canon
Chose between
+ 10 to a occult roll
OR
+ 10 to a Doofenshmirtz related roll
OR
A Question for us QMs
Cool, I'll take the +5 to a Homer personal
- Location
- Germany
Thanks, guys
I'll take the +10 to a Doof action - can I use it on him this RER alrady?
If yes, maybe whichever of his taken Actions got the hightest DC
But yeah, that omake being canon as well means three things:
- Candace s closest friends and family now knof her being a vampire
- She, Stacy and Jeremy are now at least trying out a full polypile relationship
- Isabella and Phineas are now a couple as well, with the girl being very grateful towards Candace for having her a much needed shove forward
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MrWealthman
Filthy Capitalist
- Location
- Deep in the piles of cash.
This may be me just wanting to make a xxxl drink but do you think we can grow limes?
Well since I already have a question I'm struggling to come up with* I'll go with the + 10 to a Hiring Action.
*I promise I'll try and figure one out by the time the full turn is done.