Aren't You a Little Young to Be Interviewing Mages?
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- Pronouns
- Female
Aren't You a Little Young to Be Interviewing Mages?
You were Lena De Spell, and you can't say you're really all that excited.
Honestly, there were certainly things Gramps could stick you with that were much less exciting or way out of your skillset, so you guess it could be worse. But still! Conducting interviews for the guy that got you arrested wasn't exactly on your bingo card.
Were you even qualified for this? That little sneering voice in your head that sounded suspiciously like Aunt Magica sure didn't think so. But it didn't think you could do anything.
….Did you need therapy? Questions for later.
"Alright, let's get this over with… First?" You call, shuffling some papers (to be honest they were blank, you just saw people conducting interviews shuffling papers on television and figured you might as well look the part).
There was a loud yell, followed by the door being kicked open.
The tall purple, twin ponytailed girl standing there had a pretty vacant expression. She wore a dirty, ripped blue outfit and a spiked metal helmet. She posed dramatically.
"In the name of Mewni, Mina Loveberry is here - Goodness, you're a monster!?" The woman gasped.
"No, clearly I'm a duck!" Honestly, why does everyone in this town act like ducks are weird!?! First it was Ned, then your boss rambled about featherly and the collars(you didn't listen), and now this wackjob!?! Where are we, Beijing!?!
"That's what I said, duck-monster! I can't believe after everything we've done together you'd grow legs and work for the enemy!" *sniffle* "Did my offerings of dried corn mean nothing to you?¡?"
You already could feel a headache coming on.
"Just take a seat." You requested.
"I dunno, what if you poisoned it? You monsters are always trying to take me out!" The woman narrowed her eyes a little.
"What if I … poisoned the chair?" You drawled simply, staring.
"That's what I said, Silly monster." She nodded.
"...Yeah, sure, whatever. Look, what exactly are your qualifications here?"
"I'm Mina Loveberry!"
"...and… that means..?"
"I'm a war hero! A Solarian warrior! How do you not know me!? I have killed, like, hundreds of you dumb monsters! Yeesh. And people say my memory is bad!"
You briefly wonder if you could use this obnoxious interaction as the basis for a raise. And then you realize you aren't even sure if you're getting paid. Dang. You should double check.
"Look, lady, can you just describe your abilities?" You request.
"Well, I can fly with my hair! And I have amazing magical secrets! And I can get buff!" Mina explained.
"So could anyone who hits the gym." You point out.
"Pfft. Watch this!"
She suddenly gets even taller, and muscular enough to rival a body builder. Her pupils disappear and a faint glow surrounds her as she floats with gravity defying power. Unfortunately, this caused her to bang her head into the ceiling, breaking it (startling a poor guy who was working in the room above apparently based on a scream).
"...So do I have the job?" Mina asked obliviously.
"Get out." You deadpanned.
"You'll never take me alive!" She proceeded to jump out a window and fly off via her hair propelling her like helicopter blades.
"I wasn't even- Whatever, thank God that's over." You massage your temples.
Mina Loveberry Mechanical Breakdown:
Strong Martial/Occult Hero Unit.
Expert combatant!
Specialized on dealing with Monsters.
Can be a little…Unstable.
Really doesn't get along with Monsters.
Xxx
Interviews bit slowed down due to having to take a bit to patch up the window and ceiling (at least enough to not be instantly noticeable, someone would have to finish the job later), but you reluctantly continue soon enough.
The next person to enter was a messy haired blonde who couldn't have been much older than you, with heavy scars and a red-eyed face framed by old fashioned headphones. He was also wearing a wolf t-shirt and patched up sweatpants. Strangely, his headphones weren't even plugged in. It was an odd fashion choice, but none of your business. As long as he wasn't as obnoxious as the last gal, he could wear anything he wants.
"Yo." You said simply. Thankfully, unlike Mina, he did sit, though he bowed first. Which was odd, and you hoped this wasn't going to get weird.
"Ma'am. Pleasure to meet you." He nodded respectfully. Ew.
"Uh, right. So, what's your name?" You ask, still a little weirded out. You acknowledge you lived a pretty isolated life, but the few times you did interact with other teens, they weren't half this composed. Hell, adults weren't either.
"Hunter… Noceda." The blonde strangely paused before declaring his last name. Like it made him uncomfortable for some reason. You felt a pang of relatability that you quickly decided to not focus on.
"Right, right. So, what exactly brings you here?"
Hunter twiddled his thumbs awkwardly, looking anywhere but you as he composed himself.
"It's, uh, a long, very private story. But to simplify it, the people I find myself staying with have been traveling to… find something. We are currently staying here in Springfield for awhile to rest. Mrs. Noceda… She cares and is too nice to say it, but it's clear our sudden arrival is taking its toll on her. So I took it upon myself to lighten the load a little and get a job.." He explained.
There were definitely a lot of weird things to that story. Like why was he calling her "Mrs. Noceda" instead of mom or something if they had the same last name. And why was he being so vague.
"So tell me hunter, what mojo's in your dojo?". The boy looks at you like you grew a second head. "..what kind of magic can you do?"
Hunter perks up instantly. "I'm trained in eight or nine tracks of magic including abomination, bard, beast, construction, healing, illusion, oracle, plant, and potions! But i'm not confident with my potions at the moment: I'm not familiar with the ingredients in Amer Cara." "America." "Thank you." You almost think he caught his gaffe because he frowns and whispers. "I-i might not be able to use magic on my own."
Oh. Thats pretty bad. But maybe not a deal breaker: power isn't everything, and not everyone was literally made to be a witch like you were. Hell, from what you heard, a lot of the worst magic mishap horror stories come from people who didn't know what they were doing.
And hunter seems like he might be up to snuff. Not many mages have more than 3 things going on with them, and those that do have ones related to each other. Hunter's wide set of skills would be a real rarity, if he isn't just puffing himself up. It's not his fault(unless he's lying), it's just that the people that call themselves oracles these days vary from true mystics to people who use weed to mimic "delphi's fumes", and the same is true for a lot of stuff.
Ugh. You try to block out your aunt's rants about "modern wizardry" while on the clock.
"Eh, I dunno dude, you seem too mysterious for me." You drawled, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Hunter's eyes bulged and he immediately leaped to his feet, looking close to begging.
"NO! Please. I need this. Mrs. Noceda… she's so kind, and she's taken such good care of us. Better than anyone else in my life. I just… I have to help her. I have to be useful. I can't let her down. Please." He says, desperation in his eyes.
You're immediately hit with a pang of guilt and…. Familiarity. Clearly, the situations aren't the same. Even at your most naive you were under no delusions Aunt Magica was a nice person and you were pretty much just serving her because you had no other options, but otherwise things were scarily spot on. The need to be useful, the desperation to please… it was chilling to see it outside your reflection.
"Whoa whoa, Hunter, chill. I was joking, man." You assure him. Thankfully, he seems more embarrassed than mad, though he does pout a little.
"Oh. Uh. Right. I knew that." He muttered awkwardly, sitting back down.
"Sure you did." You chuckled. He grumbled a bit more.
"Look, I can put in a good word for you. The boss is a real bleeding heart. Just… look, you clearly have a good thing going. If this Mrs. Noceda person is as sweet as you say, she won't really care if you're useful or not. People who really care… tend not to." You sighed. Yeesh. You really weren't the person to be giving advice on this topic!
Hunter seemed to appreciate it though, if his softening expression is anything to go by.
"....I suppose." He muttered, clearly thinking you had a point, though not entirely convinced. Which was… valid. One pep talk can't undo whatever the heck was up with this guy.
Eventually, he got up to leave, but paused at the door.
"...Thanks." He nodded before being gone.
Hunter Noceda Mechanical Breakdown
Strong Martial Hero Unit with Occult Score!
Specialized in dealing with Mages and Witches(Bonus when fighting against people using an Occult score to roll)!
Seems to be hiding some secrets?
Seriously needs therapy.
Xxx
After that emotional rollercoaster, you are glad the next guy seems a lot more normal.
Sitting there was a redheaded (though balding on the top) man with a monocle, green outfit and red bowtie. He adjusted his monocle, squinting at you.
"Miss... De Spell was it?" He interrupted your thoughts, sounding pretty skeptical.
"Call me Lena." You mutter in discomfort.
"Right... I don't vish to accuse you of running a sham but... Ok, I think vou may be running a sham." He admitted. You raised an eyebrow.
"Why are you here then?" You asked, your voice flat with annoyance.
"Vell, I vas hoping it vas the real deal. But, I don't know. You have to admit a teenager with the last name 'De Spell' running interviews out of an office in A power plant is kind of... sus, as the kids say."
"....One, please never say sus again. Ever. Two, I guess I can see your point but trust me dude, it's real. Look, uh, watch this."
You turn into your more ominous shadow ghost form you used to steal those doughnuts. The man screamed girlishly and fell out of his chair.
"Heh heh. Wait, dude, are you ok???" You blink, turning back to normal and floating back down to the man as he hyperventilate on the floor. You're about to cast a healing spell but he shoots back up, tears flowing from his eyes!
"I... I can't believe it. I always knew it was real. But... But after all these years I... I was starting to doubt it. But …" He gets out a few heaving sobs, each cracker than the last. "hah….ha…hahaHAHAHAHA! YES! THEY WERE WRONG TO REJECT ME! THEY CALLED ME MAD DERANGED! BUT I, PROFESSOR HANS ROTWOOD, WAS RIGHT! MAGIC IS REAL! HAHAHAHA!" The man laughed in genuine(and manic) joy, the kind only found in someone who's hopes and dreams were stomped on for decades until they were reborn like a buring phoenix. The sad, beaten look in his eyes burns away to reveal a gaze with the pride of a lion, the tenacity of a goat, and the power of a cobra.
You honestly feel kinda happy for the guy, if a little worried about what he'll do with this information if you don't end up hiring him.
"Lena! Have you seen mine horse?" The Kaiser peeked his head in suddenly, looking mildly worried. For his horse, that is: he's not even looking at the professor.
"Huh? Oh, I think I saw it bothering Lenny and Carl." You casually explain. He gave a grateful smile and dipped, whistling.
You turn back to Rotwood... who was staring at the door the kaiser used, his monocle falls off and his jaw drops in shock as he screams-
"WAS THAT KAISER FUCKING WILHELM!?"
Professor Hans Rotwood Mechanical Breakdown
Strong Learning Hero Unit with an Occult score!
Bonus for Research Occult Actions
Is unable to be assigned to occult actions where actual casting is required
Is a Quack Professor in some circles!
Is Excited to find real evidence of Magic!
Xxx
After giving Rotwood some time to recover from both the fact his life work wasn't total quackery and that the former leader of his homeland was wandering about, you strum your fingers on the desk while you wait for the next applicant.
At that moment, the door slams open (what was with these weirdos and slamming the dang door!?) and in stepped a gray skinned old man with a blue and black robe and a gem on his head. He gave a big grin before pulling out a dice.
"Greetings and Salutations, my adolescent avian ally. IT IS I! Probabilitor the Annoying! And it is-" He rolled the dice and nodded.
"-Nice to meet you!"
"So, like, what would have happened if that dice decided it WASN'T nice to meet me?" You drawled, getting a headache from this guy already. He shrugged.
"I would have challenged you to a duel! Or something? Admittedly, it wouldn't be as simple as usual. When I first stranded myself here, I ended up in some backwater hellscape that massacred my minions. I forget the name. Started with a D, ended with a N." He shrugged.
"Fair enough. Well, why do you want to work here?" You ask him.
"A FIRST STEP TO MATHEMATICAL WORLD DOMINATION! ...Plus according to my research you have a really good dental plan." He informed you.
"...Cool. Well, it's actually really nerdy from how you're wording it, but whatever." You quipped.
"YOU DARE BELITTLE THE UNIMAGINABLE POWER OF MATHEMATICS!? YOU SHALL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!" Probabilitor roared.
"You realize if you kill me, you 100% won't get the job, right?" You pointed out.
"....Sorry." He sulked.
"That's better." You chuckled.
"...Can I get something from the cafeteria? I haven't eaten anything in 2 weeks. My minions normally cooked for me."
"...Yeah, fine."
Probabilitor The Annoying Mechanical Breakdown:
Strong Occult Hero Unit with a side specialization in Learning!
Able to cast potent Magic based on Math!
Really good with Numbers!
Is EVIL!
Xxx
You double check soon after you finish up with Probabilitor (your ears were still ringing from how loud he was, yeesh) and it seemed there were only those 4 to interview.
Huh. Figured there would be more, but you ain't complaining. You can finally Friggin' go home after you report them to Gramps. You had to be honest, you were rooting for Hunter and Rotwood way more than the other two, as little investment as you really had in this (ok, you definitely felt a connection to Hunter, but you didn't have the energy to unpack that right now).
"Hello, young one."
You sigh and look up. Standing there was a pretty generic looking old man, with an impressive white beard, black robes and a black hat with gold trims. He smiled and nodded. You vaguely wonder how he got in here without you hearing, but then you remember what exactly you are interviewing people for and immediately lose any surprise.
"Uh, hi, pal. If you're here for an interview, you were supposed to set one up." You point out.
"Oh. Terribly sorry, Miss De Spell." He nodded. You pause a bit.
"What? How did you-?" You start in slight discomfort.
The only one of the Interviewees you had told your last name was Rotwood (and even then that was because of a slip up when he was bugging you) and he was long gone by now. And even if he wasn't, this new guy wasn't even someone who had applied, so how would he know to ask Rotwood about it?
"Eh. It's a simple sense of your magic aura, young De Spell." The man explained.
"Lena. Call me Lena." You irritably insisted. He immediately looked apologetic, lacing his fingers together.
"Right, right. Terribly sorry, Lena. But for what it's worth, I find what you are doing very admirable." He assured.
"...What?"
"In my time as a teacher, I have run into many, many students with.... darker lineages. And sadly, many can't accept they don't have to let their pasts define them, and go on to cause much pain and suffering. You could have gone down that path. But from what I see from you being here, not at Magica's side... I could be wrong, but I hope it's a sign you are wiser than those aforementioned students. That you are being your own person." The man nodded.
You stare at him. You never looked at it that way. You always figured even if you didn't actively work for Aunt Magica anymore, you would always be a De Spell at the end of the day.
You absentmindedly thumbed a friendship bracelet in your pocket.
"Well, I am sorry to cause you trouble. I shall book an appointment-" He started.
"Come in tomorrow. Soon as you can, old timer." You interrupted.
The man chuckled good naturedly.
"You should respect your elders, Lena. I am named Professor Crumbs, y'know." He informed.
"Don't push it."
He simply laughed again and turned to leave. The next time you blinked, he was gone.
Weird.
....Wait, you were supposed to just conduct the interviews and pass things along to The boss, you didn't actually have the authority to hire anyone.
"...Aw phooey."
Professor Crumbs Mechanical Breakdown:
Strong Occult Hero Unit with side specialization on diplomacy and stewardship
Currently has his magic weakened, is lacking a wand, and has a huge debuff when casting actual spells.
Bonus for Research Occult Actions!
Is an old WIzard! The very example of the trope itself!
REWARD: You get Professor Crumbs as a Hero Unit!
You can also vote to recruit 2 of these four Hero Occult Hero Units:
[ ] Probabilitor the Annoying
[ ] Mina Loveberry
[ ] Hunter "Noceda"
[ ] Professor Hans Rotwood
You were Lena De Spell, and you can't say you're really all that excited.
Honestly, there were certainly things Gramps could stick you with that were much less exciting or way out of your skillset, so you guess it could be worse. But still! Conducting interviews for the guy that got you arrested wasn't exactly on your bingo card.
Were you even qualified for this? That little sneering voice in your head that sounded suspiciously like Aunt Magica sure didn't think so. But it didn't think you could do anything.
….Did you need therapy? Questions for later.
"Alright, let's get this over with… First?" You call, shuffling some papers (to be honest they were blank, you just saw people conducting interviews shuffling papers on television and figured you might as well look the part).
There was a loud yell, followed by the door being kicked open.
The tall purple, twin ponytailed girl standing there had a pretty vacant expression. She wore a dirty, ripped blue outfit and a spiked metal helmet. She posed dramatically.
"In the name of Mewni, Mina Loveberry is here - Goodness, you're a monster!?" The woman gasped.
"No, clearly I'm a duck!" Honestly, why does everyone in this town act like ducks are weird!?! First it was Ned, then your boss rambled about featherly and the collars(you didn't listen), and now this wackjob!?! Where are we, Beijing!?!
"That's what I said, duck-monster! I can't believe after everything we've done together you'd grow legs and work for the enemy!" *sniffle* "Did my offerings of dried corn mean nothing to you?¡?"
You already could feel a headache coming on.
"Just take a seat." You requested.
"I dunno, what if you poisoned it? You monsters are always trying to take me out!" The woman narrowed her eyes a little.
"What if I … poisoned the chair?" You drawled simply, staring.
"That's what I said, Silly monster." She nodded.
"...Yeah, sure, whatever. Look, what exactly are your qualifications here?"
"I'm Mina Loveberry!"
"...and… that means..?"
"I'm a war hero! A Solarian warrior! How do you not know me!? I have killed, like, hundreds of you dumb monsters! Yeesh. And people say my memory is bad!"
You briefly wonder if you could use this obnoxious interaction as the basis for a raise. And then you realize you aren't even sure if you're getting paid. Dang. You should double check.
"Look, lady, can you just describe your abilities?" You request.
"Well, I can fly with my hair! And I have amazing magical secrets! And I can get buff!" Mina explained.
"So could anyone who hits the gym." You point out.
"Pfft. Watch this!"
She suddenly gets even taller, and muscular enough to rival a body builder. Her pupils disappear and a faint glow surrounds her as she floats with gravity defying power. Unfortunately, this caused her to bang her head into the ceiling, breaking it (startling a poor guy who was working in the room above apparently based on a scream).
"...So do I have the job?" Mina asked obliviously.
"Get out." You deadpanned.
"You'll never take me alive!" She proceeded to jump out a window and fly off via her hair propelling her like helicopter blades.
"I wasn't even- Whatever, thank God that's over." You massage your temples.
Mina Loveberry Mechanical Breakdown:
Strong Martial/Occult Hero Unit.
Expert combatant!
Specialized on dealing with Monsters.
Can be a little…Unstable.
Really doesn't get along with Monsters.
Xxx
Interviews bit slowed down due to having to take a bit to patch up the window and ceiling (at least enough to not be instantly noticeable, someone would have to finish the job later), but you reluctantly continue soon enough.
The next person to enter was a messy haired blonde who couldn't have been much older than you, with heavy scars and a red-eyed face framed by old fashioned headphones. He was also wearing a wolf t-shirt and patched up sweatpants. Strangely, his headphones weren't even plugged in. It was an odd fashion choice, but none of your business. As long as he wasn't as obnoxious as the last gal, he could wear anything he wants.
"Yo." You said simply. Thankfully, unlike Mina, he did sit, though he bowed first. Which was odd, and you hoped this wasn't going to get weird.
"Ma'am. Pleasure to meet you." He nodded respectfully. Ew.
"Uh, right. So, what's your name?" You ask, still a little weirded out. You acknowledge you lived a pretty isolated life, but the few times you did interact with other teens, they weren't half this composed. Hell, adults weren't either.
"Hunter… Noceda." The blonde strangely paused before declaring his last name. Like it made him uncomfortable for some reason. You felt a pang of relatability that you quickly decided to not focus on.
"Right, right. So, what exactly brings you here?"
Hunter twiddled his thumbs awkwardly, looking anywhere but you as he composed himself.
"It's, uh, a long, very private story. But to simplify it, the people I find myself staying with have been traveling to… find something. We are currently staying here in Springfield for awhile to rest. Mrs. Noceda… She cares and is too nice to say it, but it's clear our sudden arrival is taking its toll on her. So I took it upon myself to lighten the load a little and get a job.." He explained.
There were definitely a lot of weird things to that story. Like why was he calling her "Mrs. Noceda" instead of mom or something if they had the same last name. And why was he being so vague.
"So tell me hunter, what mojo's in your dojo?". The boy looks at you like you grew a second head. "..what kind of magic can you do?"
Hunter perks up instantly. "I'm trained in eight or nine tracks of magic including abomination, bard, beast, construction, healing, illusion, oracle, plant, and potions! But i'm not confident with my potions at the moment: I'm not familiar with the ingredients in Amer Cara." "America." "Thank you." You almost think he caught his gaffe because he frowns and whispers. "I-i might not be able to use magic on my own."
Oh. Thats pretty bad. But maybe not a deal breaker: power isn't everything, and not everyone was literally made to be a witch like you were. Hell, from what you heard, a lot of the worst magic mishap horror stories come from people who didn't know what they were doing.
And hunter seems like he might be up to snuff. Not many mages have more than 3 things going on with them, and those that do have ones related to each other. Hunter's wide set of skills would be a real rarity, if he isn't just puffing himself up. It's not his fault(unless he's lying), it's just that the people that call themselves oracles these days vary from true mystics to people who use weed to mimic "delphi's fumes", and the same is true for a lot of stuff.
Ugh. You try to block out your aunt's rants about "modern wizardry" while on the clock.
"Eh, I dunno dude, you seem too mysterious for me." You drawled, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Hunter's eyes bulged and he immediately leaped to his feet, looking close to begging.
"NO! Please. I need this. Mrs. Noceda… she's so kind, and she's taken such good care of us. Better than anyone else in my life. I just… I have to help her. I have to be useful. I can't let her down. Please." He says, desperation in his eyes.
You're immediately hit with a pang of guilt and…. Familiarity. Clearly, the situations aren't the same. Even at your most naive you were under no delusions Aunt Magica was a nice person and you were pretty much just serving her because you had no other options, but otherwise things were scarily spot on. The need to be useful, the desperation to please… it was chilling to see it outside your reflection.
"Whoa whoa, Hunter, chill. I was joking, man." You assure him. Thankfully, he seems more embarrassed than mad, though he does pout a little.
"Oh. Uh. Right. I knew that." He muttered awkwardly, sitting back down.
"Sure you did." You chuckled. He grumbled a bit more.
"Look, I can put in a good word for you. The boss is a real bleeding heart. Just… look, you clearly have a good thing going. If this Mrs. Noceda person is as sweet as you say, she won't really care if you're useful or not. People who really care… tend not to." You sighed. Yeesh. You really weren't the person to be giving advice on this topic!
Hunter seemed to appreciate it though, if his softening expression is anything to go by.
"....I suppose." He muttered, clearly thinking you had a point, though not entirely convinced. Which was… valid. One pep talk can't undo whatever the heck was up with this guy.
Eventually, he got up to leave, but paused at the door.
"...Thanks." He nodded before being gone.
Hunter Noceda Mechanical Breakdown
Strong Martial Hero Unit with Occult Score!
Specialized in dealing with Mages and Witches(Bonus when fighting against people using an Occult score to roll)!
Seems to be hiding some secrets?
Seriously needs therapy.
Xxx
After that emotional rollercoaster, you are glad the next guy seems a lot more normal.
Sitting there was a redheaded (though balding on the top) man with a monocle, green outfit and red bowtie. He adjusted his monocle, squinting at you.
"Miss... De Spell was it?" He interrupted your thoughts, sounding pretty skeptical.
"Call me Lena." You mutter in discomfort.
"Right... I don't vish to accuse you of running a sham but... Ok, I think vou may be running a sham." He admitted. You raised an eyebrow.
"Why are you here then?" You asked, your voice flat with annoyance.
"Vell, I vas hoping it vas the real deal. But, I don't know. You have to admit a teenager with the last name 'De Spell' running interviews out of an office in A power plant is kind of... sus, as the kids say."
"....One, please never say sus again. Ever. Two, I guess I can see your point but trust me dude, it's real. Look, uh, watch this."
You turn into your more ominous shadow ghost form you used to steal those doughnuts. The man screamed girlishly and fell out of his chair.
"Heh heh. Wait, dude, are you ok???" You blink, turning back to normal and floating back down to the man as he hyperventilate on the floor. You're about to cast a healing spell but he shoots back up, tears flowing from his eyes!
"I... I can't believe it. I always knew it was real. But... But after all these years I... I was starting to doubt it. But …" He gets out a few heaving sobs, each cracker than the last. "hah….ha…hahaHAHAHAHA! YES! THEY WERE WRONG TO REJECT ME! THEY CALLED ME MAD DERANGED! BUT I, PROFESSOR HANS ROTWOOD, WAS RIGHT! MAGIC IS REAL! HAHAHAHA!" The man laughed in genuine(and manic) joy, the kind only found in someone who's hopes and dreams were stomped on for decades until they were reborn like a buring phoenix. The sad, beaten look in his eyes burns away to reveal a gaze with the pride of a lion, the tenacity of a goat, and the power of a cobra.
You honestly feel kinda happy for the guy, if a little worried about what he'll do with this information if you don't end up hiring him.
"Lena! Have you seen mine horse?" The Kaiser peeked his head in suddenly, looking mildly worried. For his horse, that is: he's not even looking at the professor.
"Huh? Oh, I think I saw it bothering Lenny and Carl." You casually explain. He gave a grateful smile and dipped, whistling.
You turn back to Rotwood... who was staring at the door the kaiser used, his monocle falls off and his jaw drops in shock as he screams-
"WAS THAT KAISER FUCKING WILHELM!?"
Professor Hans Rotwood Mechanical Breakdown
Strong Learning Hero Unit with an Occult score!
Bonus for Research Occult Actions
Is unable to be assigned to occult actions where actual casting is required
Is a Quack Professor in some circles!
Is Excited to find real evidence of Magic!
Xxx
After giving Rotwood some time to recover from both the fact his life work wasn't total quackery and that the former leader of his homeland was wandering about, you strum your fingers on the desk while you wait for the next applicant.
At that moment, the door slams open (what was with these weirdos and slamming the dang door!?) and in stepped a gray skinned old man with a blue and black robe and a gem on his head. He gave a big grin before pulling out a dice.
"Greetings and Salutations, my adolescent avian ally. IT IS I! Probabilitor the Annoying! And it is-" He rolled the dice and nodded.
"-Nice to meet you!"
"So, like, what would have happened if that dice decided it WASN'T nice to meet me?" You drawled, getting a headache from this guy already. He shrugged.
"I would have challenged you to a duel! Or something? Admittedly, it wouldn't be as simple as usual. When I first stranded myself here, I ended up in some backwater hellscape that massacred my minions. I forget the name. Started with a D, ended with a N." He shrugged.
"Fair enough. Well, why do you want to work here?" You ask him.
"A FIRST STEP TO MATHEMATICAL WORLD DOMINATION! ...Plus according to my research you have a really good dental plan." He informed you.
"...Cool. Well, it's actually really nerdy from how you're wording it, but whatever." You quipped.
"YOU DARE BELITTLE THE UNIMAGINABLE POWER OF MATHEMATICS!? YOU SHALL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!" Probabilitor roared.
"You realize if you kill me, you 100% won't get the job, right?" You pointed out.
"....Sorry." He sulked.
"That's better." You chuckled.
"...Can I get something from the cafeteria? I haven't eaten anything in 2 weeks. My minions normally cooked for me."
"...Yeah, fine."
Probabilitor The Annoying Mechanical Breakdown:
Strong Occult Hero Unit with a side specialization in Learning!
Able to cast potent Magic based on Math!
Really good with Numbers!
Is EVIL!
Xxx
You double check soon after you finish up with Probabilitor (your ears were still ringing from how loud he was, yeesh) and it seemed there were only those 4 to interview.
Huh. Figured there would be more, but you ain't complaining. You can finally Friggin' go home after you report them to Gramps. You had to be honest, you were rooting for Hunter and Rotwood way more than the other two, as little investment as you really had in this (ok, you definitely felt a connection to Hunter, but you didn't have the energy to unpack that right now).
"Hello, young one."
You sigh and look up. Standing there was a pretty generic looking old man, with an impressive white beard, black robes and a black hat with gold trims. He smiled and nodded. You vaguely wonder how he got in here without you hearing, but then you remember what exactly you are interviewing people for and immediately lose any surprise.
"Uh, hi, pal. If you're here for an interview, you were supposed to set one up." You point out.
"Oh. Terribly sorry, Miss De Spell." He nodded. You pause a bit.
"What? How did you-?" You start in slight discomfort.
The only one of the Interviewees you had told your last name was Rotwood (and even then that was because of a slip up when he was bugging you) and he was long gone by now. And even if he wasn't, this new guy wasn't even someone who had applied, so how would he know to ask Rotwood about it?
"Eh. It's a simple sense of your magic aura, young De Spell." The man explained.
"Lena. Call me Lena." You irritably insisted. He immediately looked apologetic, lacing his fingers together.
"Right, right. Terribly sorry, Lena. But for what it's worth, I find what you are doing very admirable." He assured.
"...What?"
"In my time as a teacher, I have run into many, many students with.... darker lineages. And sadly, many can't accept they don't have to let their pasts define them, and go on to cause much pain and suffering. You could have gone down that path. But from what I see from you being here, not at Magica's side... I could be wrong, but I hope it's a sign you are wiser than those aforementioned students. That you are being your own person." The man nodded.
You stare at him. You never looked at it that way. You always figured even if you didn't actively work for Aunt Magica anymore, you would always be a De Spell at the end of the day.
You absentmindedly thumbed a friendship bracelet in your pocket.
"Well, I am sorry to cause you trouble. I shall book an appointment-" He started.
"Come in tomorrow. Soon as you can, old timer." You interrupted.
The man chuckled good naturedly.
"You should respect your elders, Lena. I am named Professor Crumbs, y'know." He informed.
"Don't push it."
He simply laughed again and turned to leave. The next time you blinked, he was gone.
Weird.
....Wait, you were supposed to just conduct the interviews and pass things along to The boss, you didn't actually have the authority to hire anyone.
"...Aw phooey."
Professor Crumbs Mechanical Breakdown:
Strong Occult Hero Unit with side specialization on diplomacy and stewardship
Currently has his magic weakened, is lacking a wand, and has a huge debuff when casting actual spells.
Bonus for Research Occult Actions!
Is an old WIzard! The very example of the trope itself!
REWARD: You get Professor Crumbs as a Hero Unit!
You can also vote to recruit 2 of these four Hero Occult Hero Units:
[ ] Probabilitor the Annoying
[ ] Mina Loveberry
[ ] Hunter "Noceda"
[ ] Professor Hans Rotwood
