Which of the other starter choices do you want to see interludes from most?

  • Dishonored

    Votes: 3 7.0%
  • Legend Of Zelda

    Votes: 9 20.9%
  • Shadow Of Mordor

    Votes: 2 4.7%
  • Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

    Votes: 4 9.3%
  • Preacher

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

    Votes: 8 18.6%
  • Fist Of The North Star

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Kill Six Billion Demons

    Votes: 12 27.9%
  • The Zombie Knight

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Mob Psycho 100

    Votes: 2 4.7%
  • Author's Choice

    Votes: 3 7.0%

  • Total voters
    43
  • Poll closed .
[X] Beringel (Uncommon)
[X] Griffin (Uncommon

The Common and Nuisance varieties will fill in rather quickly, and the Rare varieties are rare enough to not be a huge priority.
No more sitting in Ports class, instead use the Library App. Live updates from other hunters.
I have to disagree here. A class like Port's helps build the necessary knowledge base to effectively make use of the information held in the Library. This thing's gonna be contributed to by professional Huntsmen and Huntresses, which means there'll be lots of trade jargon and such.
 
I mean considering this Jaune she'd have to clarify pretty soon because it'd be anxiety-inducing for the poor guy.
"I know your secret, Jaune!"
"Oh no please don't start telling people I went on a date with Penny she's nice but I'm not attracted to her and I was the wingman anyway"
"Who's Penn-"
"Oh wait no please don't tell anybody my eye is actually fully healed by now and the medical eyepatch just sorta grew on me"
"Wha-"
"Look I never meant to become head of a once-failing video game company it just sorta happened you know and I DON'T WANNA BE OUTED NOOOO"
Look, name of the game's Hold It In, if you didn't have three dozen things to worry about being exposed for, I wouldn't be doing my job properly. And considering I barely do my job, quality's kind of the last thread keeping this quest from completely falling to pieces.

Seriously? All the computing and reality warping power Juane has, all the semblances he can copy and mix and match, and he's certain he won't find a way to clinical immortality?
If he is going to find it, it's not going to be during his tenure as a Huntsman.

... You know, the period of time it's going to be most immediately useful to him.

I have to disagree here. A class like Port's helps build the necessary knowledge base to effectively make use of the information held in the Library. This thing's gonna be contributed to by professional Huntsmen and Huntresses, which means there'll be lots of trade jargon and such.
The Library is going to be contributed to by many things. The Process, boiled down scholastic papers, your own personal experiences- even so, when it comes to the hunt, it's difficult to get more jargon than 'aim here for fastest end to current violence so next violence can commence.'

It's hard to really make a science out of killing the undissectable.

Anyway, the actual informational post will be up before the end of the day, and I'll close the vote soon after.

Then, finally, finally, this cursed hell system will be out of my hair and into yours, and I can finally get on with something that'll actually move the story forward.

I know

I'm shocked too

Adhoc vote count started by Prok on Aug 12, 2018 at 5:59 PM, finished with 2659 posts and 17 votes.
 
Then, finally, finally, this cursed hell system will be out of my hair and into yours, and I can finally get on with something that'll actually move the story forward.

I know

I'm shocked too
Sorry, I don't follow. Which system are you talking about? The Library()? The Process?
 
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[X] Boarbatusks (Common)
[X] Myrmekes (Common)

First come the basic foes, the common ones. The ones we can expect to face with some consistency.
Actually... How often do we get to update this thing anyways?
 
[X] Beringel (Uncommon)
[X] Griffin (Uncommon)

Commons are already well known by Hunters and easily filled in later. Rares are too situational to see broad use.
 
[X] Myrmekes (Common)
[X] Der Vampyr (Rare)

If I remember right, Myrmekes were metal ants in greek mythology. Cant wait to see your spin on them!
 
Library()
Sorry, I don't follow. Which system are you talking about? The Library()? The Process?
The Library. This thing's plagued me for about... half a year now, trying to figure out how to balance it, how to work it into the story naturally, how to actually make it feasible without the Process, something I, quite appropriately, haven't been able to do.

... Oh god I haven't written anything up for the Process yet

-sob-


Actually... How often do we get to update this thing anyways?
You'll find out in about right now. Also, votes are closed, and the Myrmekes and Der Vampyr win!

|||

Look.

It's inevitable in this business.

You are going to meet creatures that want nothing more than your head as a chew toy. They feel no pity. They feel no pain. They cannot be pled or bargained with. They will not stop until either you, or they, are dead. As you progress in this job, you will meet larger, angrier, deadlier, nastier Grimm, until you, as all Huntsmen who don't retire and become teachers inevitably do, encounter one in the same way a sentence encounters a full stop.

This perfectly natural fear is why you created the Library.

To attempt to offset that inevitable meeting, you will prepare yourself, and every other Hunter on the planet, by gathering information on the various types of Grimm and boiling it down to the topic of how to kill it good and dead.

This information gathering can be accomplished in one of three ways-

  1. Information Trawling- while most Hunters either don't care enough or don't live long enough to care to produce scholastic papers on the art of killing Grimm good and dead, the rare few who do know their field very well. However, these papers are rare, as are those who write them, and as such cannot be relied upon for consistent information. When they do appear (read: written by myself or you lot, to then be proofread and greenlit by myself), they are automatically grabbed by the Library's algorithms and scanned for any key information. These only come about once in a while- one or two new papers come out every few months.
  2. Process Engagement Data- as you would expect of an AI capable of self-replication through a novel form of claytronics, the Process has the ability to proliferate very far very fast, and as such is very good at finding Grimm, analysing Grimm, and testing out various methods to kill Grimm. They will figure out the easiest way to kill Grimm, and disseminate that information to the rest of the world. Excursions will be organised later on, once the Process has a permanent foothold.
  3. Getting Your Hands Dirty- you're a Huntsman. You gain experience hunting Grimm. If you encounter certain types of Grimm more often, you'll get better at hunting those kinds of Grimm. Hunt Grimm to get better at hunting Grimm so you can hunt Grimm better than other Grimm Hunters- AND THUS THE SERPENT CONSUMES HIS OWN TAIL-
Every unlocked tier of information grants a blanket bonus to the given Grimm- up to a max of 3d10.




  • Exactly what they sound like. Grimm that your granny could kill on a good day.

    Yes, the dead one too. Also I'm deeply sorry for your loss, I'm sure she was a lovely woman-
    Unlocked: Trawled Information, Personal Experience
    Locked: Process Engagement Data

    "The Loxy is a vulpine Grimm that, were it not for its relative uselessness at all things expected of Grimm, would be somewhat feared for its ability to simply appear inside the boundaries of Vale, usually within the agricultural district to haunt crops and kill chickens. Despite supposedly being one of the creatures bent on killing humanity, the common Loxy is, if anything, less threatening than its animal counterpart, as it is weak, lacking most of the bone plating most Grimm use for protection, and cowardly, fleeing at the first sight of any kind of assault. However, left unchecked, they can still raise Cain, happy to kill livestock and dig holes in gardens, and generally be a nuisance. Even so, they are weak enough that even untrained children can clear them off."

    -Excerpt from 'On Lesser Grimm' by Professor Peter Port.
    "Cowardly, but capable of planning ahead- dig out burrows to hide in between excursions, left well-camouflaged by foliage. Without Transistor sensors or prior knowledge, would be difficult to notice. Disseminate knowledge of burrow signs? Already known? Must find out at some point.

    When cornered, may become violent- if bitten, apply disinfectant to wound; not poisonous, but mouths do harbour various bacteria. No reports of rabies from Loxy bites, thankfully.

    Conclusion; evolved (?) to be pests and nothing more, just as real foxes. Overall threat: little to none."
    -Personal notes of Jaune Julius Arc, c. 1178 A.T.


  • Anything in this category is something most untrained people would be incapable of dealing with by themselves.

    Unlocked: Trawled Information
    Locked: Personal Experience, Process Engagement Data

    "Beowolves are lupine Grimm, easily the most prolific species, having been sighted in all Kingdom boundaries with the exception of Menagerie, and one of the few to actively form packs outside of major Marches. They act as their animal cousins do, using numbers and basic exhaustion tactics to hunt their quarry, though the similarities end there- they abandon any kind of threat analysis, role division, anything even resembling caution, is replaced with the same single-minded hatred for humanity that is characteristic of the Grimm. This can be turned to a Huntsman or Huntress's benefit, though- as a team, the pack can be split apart and dealt with in a standard divide and conquer maneuver, and as an individual, they can be lured in such a way that they almost certainly will only come from one or two directions. If surrounded, long, sweeping strikes will clear a path, as they have little plating around their necks and shoulders, allowing for easy decapitation."

    -Excerpt from "The Beowolf and Its Variations," by Professor Peter Port.​

    Unlocked: Trawled Information
    Locked: Personal Experience, Process Engagement Data

    "Myrmekes are a formicid Grimm, ranging in size from a dog to a bear, depending on its role within the group, and notable amongst Grimm for being almost entirely covered in bone plate, fitting of something that, presumably, requires an exoskeleton to function.

    Despite the name taken from Lower Mistrali, they are native to the deserts of Vacuo, where colonies form and create giant underground networks that, if disturbed from, say, the passing of a caravan not moving out of step, can collapse, murdering most of the colony in one fell swoop, while dragging the caravan into the resulting sinkhole.

    Beyond that, Myrmekes are known for two things- a fondness for the gold sand found deep underground in Vacuo, often using it to coat the outside of their nest to blind and draw in those greedy enough to try their luck, and their unnatural speed. A single Myrmek, making a decent effort in its chase, can outrun most Hunters, and camels at a full gallop. Despite their armour and speed, Myrmekes are not insurmountable- their armour is frail around the joints, and a strong piercing force can penetrate the flat plates covering their heads. If this is not an option, it is suggested that one acquire a vehicle, such as a buggy or a Blackwagon, in order to make a swift escape."

    -Excerpt from "The Grimm of Vacuo," by Bartholomew Oobleck.​

  • This is your Ursa Major, your Giant Nevermore- Grimm that aren't insurmountable, but it's not going to be a fun fight.
  • This is where most Hunters encounter their full stop. It is not a dishonourable death, dying to Grimm of this calibre.

    Unlocked: Trawled Information
    Locked: Personal Experience, Process Engagement Data

    "Rare is the Grimm that has learned the benefits of killing the heart and the mind over the body.

    The Vampyr, colloquially known as The Heartdeath in some parts of Vale, is a parasitic Grimm that has learned the benefits of being neither seen nor heard, and of the concept of a slow death. Indeed, this Grimm is best known for two things- its ability to slip between shadows with no regard for its actual physical size and the slow expiration it causes amongst its victims- death by a Vampyr is caused by a mixture of long-term blood loss, organ failure, necrosis of the flesh caused by lack of bloodflow to the extremities, eventually culminating in cardiac arrest during sleep.

    The modus operandi of the Vampyr is to choose a single victim from a town's populace, and, during the night, use its talents at slipping between shadows to make its way into their home, or wherever they may rest, and extract around a pint of blood from an artery. This blood is presumably ingested, though sometimes it is found in a pool near the victim, a sign that they will not be attacked again.

    Perhaps there is a component of blood that sometimes doesn't agree with it?

    On the off chance that one does find themselves face to face with this Grimm, stay in a brightly lit area, at least a few metres away from any shadows. Suggest Fire Dust, or simply flame if none is available, and, if possible, break its limbs to keep it from escaping.."

    -Excerpt from "The Vampyr- Signs and Symptoms" by Johann Askr, c. 960 A.T

  • Fear not the storied Grimm for their size. Fear not the storied Grimm for their rage. Fear not the storied Grimm for the legends scarring their plate.

    Fear the storied Grimm, for they have learned of patience. They have learned of power. They have learned of their love for the worldshaking thunder they call to bear with nought but a breath, the beat of a heart, a thought.

    Fear the storied Grimm, for they are mirror and abyss.
 
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...what I don't understand is how the Library is supposed to be anything new. It's not. I guarantee you that, in a society that revolves around a constant battle of survival against a whole slew of genocidal monsters, so long as there's an internet, there's going to be a massive, networked, constantly-updated, user-friendly database about how best to deal with each and every type of Grimm, and each and every type of combination of Grimm, and more. Perhaps some of it will be classified, but it will all be there.

The only thing the Library would do better is add some massive computational muscle to the effort, gleaning some insights not previously caught on to--and, as the Process wages its war against the Grimm, it will get more information about various kinds of Grimm than Hunters could manage to get (without dying in the process).

Now, don't get me wrong: the Library is a very useful tool for the Process, because it will eventually wage its own war against the Grimm on a level unfathomable to the humans/faunus of Remnant, and having its own database on all Grimm types, organized and programmed to be ideal for its own usage, is very useful indeed.

But it's kind of puzzling that Juane thinks that the Library would be his legacy when, by the time he's 50 or so, the Process will have replaced Hunters as the primary means through which the Grimm are combated. The Process will be his legacy, more than anything else he could create, because the Process will completely change the world forever--it will either eliminate or ruthlessly suppress the Grimm everywhere, across the globe, constantly. Nurturing the Process, ensuring that its psychological and emotional development is as healthy and sturdy as possible, is his highest priority, and more important than anything else he could do.

Because if the Process isn't destroyed or crippled before it has a chance to grow too large for the locals to do such a thing, it will eventually reach the stars. And if it's become something like the Borg? Juane will have unleashed a cosmic horror that the Grimm can't hold a candle to. But if he raises it well, it'll be like a benevolent God.
 
...what I don't understand is how the Library is supposed to be anything new. It's not. I guarantee you that, in a society that revolves around a constant battle of survival against a whole slew of genocidal monsters, so long as there's an internet, there's going to be a massive, networked, constantly-updated, user-friendly database about how best to deal with each and every type of Grimm, and each and every type of combination of Grimm, and more. Perhaps some of it will be classified, but it will all be there.

The only thing the Library would do better is add some massive computational muscle to the effort, gleaning some insights not previously caught on to--and, as the Process wages its war against the Grimm, it will get more information about various kinds of Grimm than Hunters could manage to get (without dying in the process).

While I have no doubt the information is out there, it's unlikely to be collected in a single, user-friendly form. To even begin to contribute someone would need to be a Hunter, and then they would need the extra skills that tie into something like this. Then the fact that most of the Grimm that might be able to be added to this list already would be the kinds that Hunters are already well equipped to handle.

The biggest part I'd say though is that any currently existing database would be useless in an actual combat situation, especially since most of the time it would be useful to access the database a Hunter would be far away from the Kingdoms.


I'm assuming that Jaune would have the Process develop some form of unit to be given to every Hunter to give them access to the Library (and other useful features). Although, that still leads back to what you were saying with the Process being his legacy more than anything else.
 
... Oh god I haven't written anything up for the Process yet

-sob-
Don't worry. All will be well.

Let me know if you need a sounding board, I'm happy to help QMs.
once the Process has a permanent foothold
This is very exciting and I'm looking forward to seeing it happen.
Fear not the storied Grimm for their size. Fear not the storied Grimm for their power. Fear not the storied Grimm for the legends scarring their plate.

Fear the storied Grimm, for they have learned of patience. They have learned of power. They have learned of their love for the worldshaking thunder they call to bear with nought but a breath, the beat of a heart, a thought.

Fear the storied Grimm, for they are mirror and abyss.
How do we gather information on Storied Grimm since the standard method of fighting them or reading reports of people fighting them are unavailable? Trawling through near-mythological stories, visiting the ruins left behind in their wake, or somehow finding an immortal who remembers them?
[X] Der Vampyr (Rare)
[X] Night's Wings, Fury Of A Shattered Moon (Storied)


Original Content and what I'm assuming to be Grimm Dragons.
Also, was I right about Night's Wings being Grimm Dragons?
[Q] Go into town- and to think you ignored this option for so long. Yes, go into town, look around the stores, and grab stuff that'll help you out. Computer parts, skill books, event rolls, new weapons, all in one convenient option! You're way above the minimum limit, so don't worry.

[] Weapons Shop- you won't get anything too out there, no sniper scythles, at least, but you can probably buy a decent holdout weapon, in case you need it- pistol, rifle, shotgun, so on. Provisional Hunter's license, man- they get stuff.

[] Book Store- wanna learn something new? Here's your stop. Cookery, survival, stuff for passing your driving test, White Fang defection 101, they've got it all!

[] Computer Store- Woah mama. This... this is your place. Your domain. I mean, I'm not saying you could probably find everything in here blindfolded and Transistorless, but... you totally could. And it's also where you buy stuff for upgrading the Transistor's MEM banks. Go figure.
@Prok, can you clarify this option? Can we go shopping for multiple things in multiple stores or is it just one of the three options offered?
GOD BLESS SLEEP DEPRIVATION LAD

Ok, path of least resistance, path of least resistance- ah!

You'll get a list of everything available in each shop, but the winning vote is what'll have actual development thrown at it. On top of whichever sisters decide to accompany you.

BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTERS ALREADY APPARENTLY
@Prok, how are you handling the rest of the shops? Are we visiting those later or did you change your mind how that option would work?

Also, is there a reason you've kept the long since closed interlude poll instead of asking a mod to delete it?
 
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@Prok I'm tempted to try my hand at writing one of those reports, but I'd need to know a bit about how varients are treated (like the Alpha Beowulf) compared to the normal versions, and what category the Grimm from the show would fit in (like a normal Ursa).

Maybe also how detailed you want them to go since the one I'm most tempted to do is the Ursa, and they're basically armored bears that replace survival instinct with wanting to kill people.
 
Jaune should probably send Port an email containing login in credentials for him to become a curator for the Library. Just look up the relevant staff members online and that should point Jaune at the guy.
 
@SaltyWaffles The reason Grimm Studies is a thing is because Hunters have to know their shit quickly, but with the Process, you could create a database linked to, say, AR glasses with instant recognition of and tactical breakdowns on any Grimm whose info is stored within. You can give anyone what you have with the Transistor's sensor suite. That's an invaluable aide and far more reliable in a crisis than one's own memories: if the Grimm are flooding the gates, you probably aren't calm, and you risk misremembering something vital. The Library never misremembers... in theory, anyway. Expect much debugging.
 
...what I don't understand is how the Library is supposed to be anything new. It's not. I guarantee you that, in a society that revolves around a constant battle of survival against a whole slew of genocidal monsters, so long as there's an internet, there's going to be a massive, networked, constantly-updated, user-friendly database about how best to deal with each and every type of Grimm, and each and every type of combination of Grimm, and more. Perhaps some of it will be classified, but it will all be there.

The only thing the Library would do better is add some massive computational muscle to the effort, gleaning some insights not previously caught on to--and, as the Process wages its war against the Grimm, it will get more information about various kinds of Grimm than Hunters could manage to get (without dying in the process).
I think the idea is that this takes all available information and moves it from being scattered across the internet on wikis and behind university paywalls and in text that got scanned that one time and turns it into a pokedex.
 
I'm mostly disappointed that Jaune/We/Prok didn't go for the standard videogame parliance and call it the Beastiary. Hell, the Library could contain much more than just details on Grimm, with the Grimm specific information being the section called Beastiary.
 
While I have no doubt the information is out there, it's unlikely to be collected in a single, user-friendly form. To even begin to contribute someone would need to be a Hunter, and then they would need the extra skills that tie into something like this. Then the fact that most of the Grimm that might be able to be added to this list already would be the kinds that Hunters are already well equipped to handle.

The biggest part I'd say though is that any currently existing database would be useless in an actual combat situation, especially since most of the time it would be useful to access the database a Hunter would be far away from the Kingdoms.
I think the idea is that this takes all available information and moves it from being scattered across the internet on wikis and behind university paywalls and in text that got scanned that one time and turns it into a pokedex.
Yeah, this is basically why the Library is so important.

Nobody has time to skim Grimm Wikipedia while their teammate's being used as an Alpha Beowolf's chew toy, looking for the bit that says 'AIM AT JOINT IN PLATING BETWEEN SHOULDER AND NECK' between notes on pack habits and weird authorial tangents into this one time he blew three Grimm heads apart with a single blunderbuss shot.

Moreso, once Jaune realised exactly how ubiquitous the Process has the potential to be, the idea of just throwing specialised units at Huntsmen and Huntresses for the specific purpose of providing battlefield information isn't that out there. Which would be really, really useful, because, well...

There are a lot of Grimm. And a lot of Grimm variations. Like... more than you could teach one person to kill in a single lifetime. It's like becoming a medical specialist, in some ways- Valish Hunters know how to deal with Nevermore and Boarbatusks, Mistrali know how to deal with Geists and Griffins, Atlesians, the Yeti, and Vacuoni, Myrmekes and the Phoenix. Huntsmen learn how to deal with the Grimm they grow up with.

Sure, figuring it out yourself isn't difficult, once you've killed a couple dozen different Grimm you just get a feel for points of weakness, but they're trained with the Grimm around them- those will always be the Grimm they can kill the easiest. An Atlesian Huntsman will struggle in Vacuo, and not just from the heat- they don't know where the Myrmekes' armour fractures best, how the Phoenix is weaker at high noon. Some Grimm are nasty little buggers that need prior knowledge in order to be dealt with effectively, otherwise, you risk doing nothing, or risk making the situation worse.

That's
why the Library is useful. Easy, relevant information, that can save lives, in a cute little robot that happens to be armed with a plasma cannon in a pinch.

@Prok I'm tempted to try my hand at writing one of those reports, but I'd need to know a bit about how varients are treated (like the Alpha Beowulf) compared to the normal versions, and what category the Grimm from the show would fit in (like a normal Ursa).

Maybe also how detailed you want them to go since the one I'm most tempted to do is the Ursa, and they're basically armored bears that replace survival instinct with wanting to kill people.
Grimm like the Ursa Major, Deathstalker, Alpha Beowolf- those are all treated, mechanically, as a tier higher than their normal counterparts, but would be put in the same category as them, due to being, well, the same Grimm, just larger and angrier. Ursa would be considered common Grimm, not quite as omnipresent as Beowolves, but still pretty easy to find.

To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of on the fence about giving this a write-in option. At first, I was all for it, because less work for me, but then I started coming up with my own Grimm, and I realised that I really... really enjoy making Grimm. And that I am very good at it. Still, if your heart's set on it, go ahead, write it if you want, just don't give me something the size of an actual thesis. The Beowolf entry is 173 words long, and it's already starting to approach wall of text.

How do we gather information on Storied Grimm since the standard method of fighting them or reading reports of people fighting them are unavailable? Trawling through near-mythological stories, visiting the ruins left behind in their wake, or somehow finding an immortal who remembers them?
Storied Grimm are Grimm that, as you would expect, have been around long enough to shape the world in a manner that could be compared to...

Well, start with Typhon and Echidna, and go from there.

But yes, most of their information will come from their myths, and the Process observing them from very, very, very far away. Personal experience is not recommended, unless you want to end the quest early.

They are some of the first to come into being.

I guarantee you that they're going to be the last to die.

Also, was I right about Night's Wings being Grimm Dragons?
Eh...

Close.

@Prok, how are you handling the rest of the shops? Are we visiting those later or did you change your mind how that option would work?
I figured that Transistor upgrades were important enough to deserve their own shop scene, as well as being the only shop that's slated to have any kind of fleshing out, so I just separated it out. Bookshop, I genuinely forgot about then realised that it would be pretty much useless to Jaune anyway, weapons store, I started to cobble together a whole system of base weapons and part modifiers, then asked myself, honestly, 'would anybody be interested in these compared to the giant blue future sword?'

The answer was no, add in the fact that it would have made the weapons shop five times the size of any other shop, and that system has now been shelved to be used elsewhere.

In short, they're gone, but you're not losing out on much.

Also, is there a reason you've kept the long since closed interlude poll instead of asking a mod to delete it?
... Sentimentality?

...

Crippling social anxiety.
 
@Prok so, any chance we can rename the Library to Bestiary? Or Grimmoire?
I mean, if people are really set on a change, I suppose, but I kind of like just 'Library.' It's less on the nose, and it fits with the whole computer term theme I've been going with.

On that note, the Myrmekes and Vampyr entries and the next update will be delayed, somewhat, due to somebody breaking into and attempting to steal our car.

I'm fine, the car's still there, nothing was taken, it's just inconvenient and hilarious and I need to take the bus instead.
 
Wth. Like trying to hotwire it and all? Or just steal whats inside?

Most car thievery I know of are those trying to steal the valuables inside the car and then legging ut.
 
Wth. Like trying to hotwire it and all? Or just steal whats inside?

Most car thievery I know of are those trying to steal the valuables inside the car and then legging ut.
Nothing worth stealing from it, fortunately. Basically, somebody tried to break into it last night/this morning with the intent to steal it, and this moron:

-jimmied open a car door.
-took the casing off the ignition.
-broke a solid metal steering lock, which, if this was done in a reasonable amount of time for a carjacking, is just impressive.
-basically ransacked the car looking for a spare key, or something worth stealing.
-at the final hurdle, this far away from getting away with a crappy Mitsubishi Carisma, apparently said screw it, literally, and just jammed a damn screwdriver in the ignition to try and start it that way, then managed to break it off, rendering the whole mechanism useless.

And like- ok, all that, sounds like it would be a fucking hoot to watch, but the fucking kicker, the bit that's sent my sides into orbit no less than three times today, is that in the back seat was, hand to God, an open multipack of Kitkats. So, either this attempted thief found a multipack of Kitkats that must have fallen out of a shopping bag some time ago and said 'Ooh, go on then, I'm breaking into a car, might as well cheat on my diet a bit,' or he brought a mid-grand theft auto snack.

Basically this entire, admittedly assumed chain of events, plays out in my head like a scene from a British sitcom from the 80s, and that fucking kills me.
 
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