You do realize that this entire topic is highly subjective?
With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Twelve)
- Thread starter Mr Zoat
- Start date
- Status
Science
If you're reading this, omae wa mo shindeiru.
- Location
- Killeen, TX
You do realize you are a pencil wearing glasses?
Really? Why?
- Location
- Somewhere out there
It's a form of purple prose (though admittedly a mild one). Occasionally doing it when it adds something meaningful to the scene is fine, but trying to come up with a different description for every time a character speaks to avoid saying "he said" ends up cluttering the text, distracting from the actual dialogue, and interfering with the pacing.
It can also be unrealistic. Most people don't gesture differently for every sentence they say. Body language is a thing that exists, yes, but even if you're someone who ALWAYS talks with their hands, movements that carry enough importance to actually be worth describing in the text aren't THAT common. So writing about it every statement makes it come off as exaggerated. It's a matter of the law of conservation of detail, in that sense.
So basically, it's a tool to be used when it makes sense to use it. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with writing "he said".
EDIT: And, when it's clear who's talking, leaving out attribution entirely is completely acceptable practice.
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A tricky bit is writing the dialog to make all the characters have sufficiently unique voices/personalities so that it is clear whose line it is.
The unintentionally ambiguous cases are where you need attribution, and better writing tends to have less of that.
The unintentionally ambiguous cases are where you need attribution, and better writing tends to have less of that.
Empiricist2
Let's play doctor!
- Location
- Baton Rouge
Zoat does this really well though. For the people who do have distinct patterns of speech, I've only noticed one instance in the entire fic that someone has broken their speech patterns, and for a character that only appeared once. For this update, Manchester has distinct spelling, and he and Mr. Tawny were called out by name. Doctor Robbins can be assumed to be the one coordinating everyone.
- Location
- Bay Area
Zoat, you are my favorite.
That's what you get for using an Iphone. The formatting is perfectly understandable on any device worth its copper.
Pretty sure that's bull. I'm english and I've never heard anything like that. My mobile is a glorified alarmclock, if it were true, I'd be losing my number ever other month.
Maybe it's just your service provider? Or are you just doing that thing where we make shit up to fuck with the colonials?
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Empiricist2
Let's play doctor!
- Location
- Baton Rouge
I thought you were nuff?
Fate/Zero. Or "What a holy grail war should look like".
Empiricist2
Let's play doctor!
- Location
- Baton Rouge
Random question for Zoat: So orange rings, when put on for the first time, quickly transmute the user's body into their idealized self. What would happen if a new recruit didn't have a good knowledge of anatomy/biology, and their idealized image of themselves didn't leave enough room for their brain to function in?
Have you tried leaving it turned completely off or on airplane mode for a couple of months solid?
The Bushranger
In the Danger Zone
- Location
- TSAB Asura
That was my thought as well: "Apokalyptian S.O.S. received" would be....interesting.
Escalation (part 17)
- Location
- Hampden Park
31st May
18:39 GMT
Ow. Really ow.
"What in the name of unlubricated buggery was that?"
"Ow." Feels like a chunk of my soul just got torn off. What the fuck was that?
"I can't feel the castle! Grayven, get up! Or die!"
"Eh." I plant my right palm on the floor and push myself into a slumping position. "What do you mean 'or die'? How would that help?"
"I could probably survive for weeks if I had your body to eat." I hear him get back to his feet and dust himself off. "Longer if I freed Derek and cut the Right Eye of Zoltec out of his chest with your short sword. Or I could just free him and ask him if he has any way to return the castle to normal space."
My right hand trembles as I attempt to come up to all fours. "That would seem to involve less risk."
"What happened to you?"
"He trifled with things that would not stand to be trifled with."
I don't recognise the voice. Male. Sounds… Older. Upper class, in a BBC Radio 4 continuity announcer sort of way. I orientate my head in his direction, seeing a black blob with a pale strip running from the top down to the middle. "I generally find that trifling is all a matter of who has the bigger spoon. And elbow power."
"Curious. Though I think that I will prove that owning the kitchen comes with the greater advantage."
I don't have time for this. "Mister Kipling, who is-?"
"Doom?" He sounds confused. "Cursitor Doom? But you're… Dead."
"No, merely taking an extended leave of absence. And what, pray tell, are you?"
I frown. Thinking is… Hard. "He's a wizard, given name of Mister Willoughby Kipling. And who are you?"
"As Mister Kipling surmised, I am Cursitor Doom. And you are intruding."
"Not my idea. I was heading… To a house in Berkshire. My portal was interrupted." Wait, why did I just-?
"And your presence here was enough to justify casting it loose from its moorings in the material world and setting it adrift in the subtle realms? What manner of man are you?"
"I'm one who doesn't usually-" I stagger to my feet, right fist swinging in the blob's direction. "-answer questions this readily."
My fist stops dead against thin air. I didn't feel any pressure, nothing to indicate that I'd encountered a barrier. My arm.. just.. doesn't.. move. Eh? Oh, I am not having good luck today.
"Violence. The first refuge of the brute. That does not speak well for-."
"Excuse me, I was kidnapped and had my eyes gouged out while allies of the one who did it attack my friends and family and why am I volunteering information like this?"
"You flooded the mystic energies of my castle with your essence. But you failed to take into account that I -as the owner of the castle- had a superior connection to it. And the castle was more than willing to hand over to me every mote of the power which you impressed upon it."
…
Oh shit.
"You're holding a chunk of my soul." Not an insurmountable problem. A soul is.. after all, basically a magic energy construct. I've still got more than enough energy to keep me going and an hour or two in the mana infuser should top me up to functional levels. But in the short term it's going to leave me weak and…
Oh.
A magic user has a chunk of my soul. That means that he can do pretty much whatever he likes to me, limited only by his own knowledge. Again, there are ways around it, but they mostly involve sitting in a magic circle while your allies hunt down and off the blighter responsible. In a situation like this…
"What do you want?"
"I left the leasehold on my home to an ally of mine, a Mister Crandell. I knew that he in turn had passed it on to a group of specialists in the employ of the British government. I see by the expression on your face that you know what I have it in my power to do to you. I have never been one for senseless violence, but I will have an answer, creature. Who and what are you?"
"My name is Grayven. I am an…" I briefly try to stop myself and my jaw starts spasming as the words try to escape. "A-p-p-pokkkkoliptian New God."
"New God? And what do you mean by that?"
"A god is a purposive arcane energy life form. A New God is flesh and energy both. I am man and god both."
"You came close to subverting the protections I placed upon this castle with brute force. I suppose that there may be something to your claim. What set you at odds with your hosts?"
"They discovered my plan to-" I can't stop but can I steer? "-detain and punish certain criminals in the British government." It seems that I can. Useful to know. "These criminals are well placed within the establishment, and were able to prevail upon Major Kelly to act against me."
"You have evidence?"
"Yes. Lots. Not all of it of flawless providence, but yes."
"And they have no other concerns about you?"
"Apparently the fact that I'm an alien is an issue for some."
"And, ah… If I may, sir?"
"Yes, Mister Kipling? You have something to add?"
"He also became a close associate of the President of America and amassed a group of exceedingly powerful henchmen. He's also a close associate of several known supervillains. There was concern that his influence might not be entirely legitimate, or natural. Aaaand he threatened to guillotine the entire royal family."
"No, just those in the immediate line of succession. Also, what happened to teamwork?"
"I no longer need you in order to escape." I feel him pat me on the right shoulder. "Good team up, chum."
Motherfu-.
"Mister Grayven?"
"My medium term objectives coincide rather well with the President's concerns. I also have a great deal of knowledge he lacks, and that makes me useful. Yes, I give people superpowers. That hardly makes me unique, and I'm giving those under my command direction, guidance and instruction in their use with the aim of serving the greater good of… Everyone, really. I'm trying to persuade the supervillains in question to use their fantastic abilities in more productive ways than simply lashing out at those who attract their ire. It's a work in progress. I don't use mind control as a long term thing; it's an uncomfortable reminder of Apokolips and I don't think that the advantages outweigh the costs. A lot of the royal family are implicated in the misdeeds I spoke of and… It was really more of a threat than a firm plan."
"What did you intend to do with these… People, whom you say have committed grave crimes?"
"Kill the worst, try and sentence the rest as soon as the judiciary has been cleansed of those involved."
"I assume that you don't have this evidence you spoke of on you?"
"I have some. Unfortunately, I keep it stored on my ring and your anti-weapon charms have disabled it. Mister.. Doom. I would be happy to share everything I have with you, but I need to return as soon as possible. My people are fighting for their lives, and with my soul in your hands you have all the leverage against me you need. Please."
"What aren't you telling me?"
"That the very moment the attack against them is over I will attempt to block your power over me."
"And?"
"And then take such actions as to ensure that it can't be used against me."
"And that is all?"
"There are thousands of things I haven't told you, but nothing immediately applicable."
"Very well then, Mister Grayven. We will return to the material world. You will be under my close supervision. I would advise that you not disappoint me."
18:39 GMT
Ow. Really ow.
"What in the name of unlubricated buggery was that?"
"Ow." Feels like a chunk of my soul just got torn off. What the fuck was that?
"I can't feel the castle! Grayven, get up! Or die!"
"Eh." I plant my right palm on the floor and push myself into a slumping position. "What do you mean 'or die'? How would that help?"
"I could probably survive for weeks if I had your body to eat." I hear him get back to his feet and dust himself off. "Longer if I freed Derek and cut the Right Eye of Zoltec out of his chest with your short sword. Or I could just free him and ask him if he has any way to return the castle to normal space."
My right hand trembles as I attempt to come up to all fours. "That would seem to involve less risk."
"What happened to you?"
"He trifled with things that would not stand to be trifled with."
I don't recognise the voice. Male. Sounds… Older. Upper class, in a BBC Radio 4 continuity announcer sort of way. I orientate my head in his direction, seeing a black blob with a pale strip running from the top down to the middle. "I generally find that trifling is all a matter of who has the bigger spoon. And elbow power."
"Curious. Though I think that I will prove that owning the kitchen comes with the greater advantage."
I don't have time for this. "Mister Kipling, who is-?"
"Doom?" He sounds confused. "Cursitor Doom? But you're… Dead."
"No, merely taking an extended leave of absence. And what, pray tell, are you?"
I frown. Thinking is… Hard. "He's a wizard, given name of Mister Willoughby Kipling. And who are you?"
"As Mister Kipling surmised, I am Cursitor Doom. And you are intruding."
"Not my idea. I was heading… To a house in Berkshire. My portal was interrupted." Wait, why did I just-?
"And your presence here was enough to justify casting it loose from its moorings in the material world and setting it adrift in the subtle realms? What manner of man are you?"
"I'm one who doesn't usually-" I stagger to my feet, right fist swinging in the blob's direction. "-answer questions this readily."
My fist stops dead against thin air. I didn't feel any pressure, nothing to indicate that I'd encountered a barrier. My arm.. just.. doesn't.. move. Eh? Oh, I am not having good luck today.
"Violence. The first refuge of the brute. That does not speak well for-."
"Excuse me, I was kidnapped and had my eyes gouged out while allies of the one who did it attack my friends and family and why am I volunteering information like this?"
"You flooded the mystic energies of my castle with your essence. But you failed to take into account that I -as the owner of the castle- had a superior connection to it. And the castle was more than willing to hand over to me every mote of the power which you impressed upon it."
…
Oh shit.
"You're holding a chunk of my soul." Not an insurmountable problem. A soul is.. after all, basically a magic energy construct. I've still got more than enough energy to keep me going and an hour or two in the mana infuser should top me up to functional levels. But in the short term it's going to leave me weak and…
Oh.
A magic user has a chunk of my soul. That means that he can do pretty much whatever he likes to me, limited only by his own knowledge. Again, there are ways around it, but they mostly involve sitting in a magic circle while your allies hunt down and off the blighter responsible. In a situation like this…
"What do you want?"
"I left the leasehold on my home to an ally of mine, a Mister Crandell. I knew that he in turn had passed it on to a group of specialists in the employ of the British government. I see by the expression on your face that you know what I have it in my power to do to you. I have never been one for senseless violence, but I will have an answer, creature. Who and what are you?"
"My name is Grayven. I am an…" I briefly try to stop myself and my jaw starts spasming as the words try to escape. "A-p-p-pokkkkoliptian New God."
"New God? And what do you mean by that?"
"A god is a purposive arcane energy life form. A New God is flesh and energy both. I am man and god both."
"You came close to subverting the protections I placed upon this castle with brute force. I suppose that there may be something to your claim. What set you at odds with your hosts?"
"They discovered my plan to-" I can't stop but can I steer? "-detain and punish certain criminals in the British government." It seems that I can. Useful to know. "These criminals are well placed within the establishment, and were able to prevail upon Major Kelly to act against me."
"You have evidence?"
"Yes. Lots. Not all of it of flawless providence, but yes."
"And they have no other concerns about you?"
"Apparently the fact that I'm an alien is an issue for some."
"And, ah… If I may, sir?"
"Yes, Mister Kipling? You have something to add?"
"He also became a close associate of the President of America and amassed a group of exceedingly powerful henchmen. He's also a close associate of several known supervillains. There was concern that his influence might not be entirely legitimate, or natural. Aaaand he threatened to guillotine the entire royal family."
"No, just those in the immediate line of succession. Also, what happened to teamwork?"
"I no longer need you in order to escape." I feel him pat me on the right shoulder. "Good team up, chum."
Motherfu-.
"Mister Grayven?"
"My medium term objectives coincide rather well with the President's concerns. I also have a great deal of knowledge he lacks, and that makes me useful. Yes, I give people superpowers. That hardly makes me unique, and I'm giving those under my command direction, guidance and instruction in their use with the aim of serving the greater good of… Everyone, really. I'm trying to persuade the supervillains in question to use their fantastic abilities in more productive ways than simply lashing out at those who attract their ire. It's a work in progress. I don't use mind control as a long term thing; it's an uncomfortable reminder of Apokolips and I don't think that the advantages outweigh the costs. A lot of the royal family are implicated in the misdeeds I spoke of and… It was really more of a threat than a firm plan."
"What did you intend to do with these… People, whom you say have committed grave crimes?"
"Kill the worst, try and sentence the rest as soon as the judiciary has been cleansed of those involved."
"I assume that you don't have this evidence you spoke of on you?"
"I have some. Unfortunately, I keep it stored on my ring and your anti-weapon charms have disabled it. Mister.. Doom. I would be happy to share everything I have with you, but I need to return as soon as possible. My people are fighting for their lives, and with my soul in your hands you have all the leverage against me you need. Please."
"What aren't you telling me?"
"That the very moment the attack against them is over I will attempt to block your power over me."
"And?"
"And then take such actions as to ensure that it can't be used against me."
"And that is all?"
"There are thousands of things I haven't told you, but nothing immediately applicable."
"Very well then, Mister Grayven. We will return to the material world. You will be under my close supervision. I would advise that you not disappoint me."
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- Location
- Hampden Park
Ehhhhhhh... Not always, but it would probably end up being a fairly common event.
The ring would most likely compromise between the knowledge on its database, what it could gain from scanning their body and the strength of their desire for a particular outcome.
Emerald Oracle
Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force
- Location
- The Else
...did Grayven just get a new mentor?
aeqnai
Nerdy Homu
- Location
- Laniakea Supercluster
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Gravy got the parts of his soul that he was using to affect the castle stolen by its original owner, who used it to force him to tell the truth and generally hold leverage against him, then interrogated him, with Kipling being an opportunistic backstabbing snarker the whole way through, basically.
- Location
- madison
I don't think he's absorbing it, he's just holding it. there is also the possibility that a chunk of conquest might be conceptually compatible with being manipulated by force if your strong enough, and by every indication, this guy is plenty strong enough.
I hadn't finished typing when I hit the post reply button accidentally.
- Location
- Here
Technically he's not the real deal and he never had a soul in the beginning so there might be some wiggle room. I doubt that if Doom tried it on darkseid it would work. Course he could omega force the entire castle.
- Location
- Australia
...................Woah. There are like 4-5 british magicians now.
Won't the snark and dry wit overwhelm the ward and protections now?
Also, will they startTop Gear:Special Grand Tour:The Final Frontier?
Won't the snark and dry wit overwhelm the ward and protections now?
Also, will they start
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- Status